by Susan Ward
“Are you afraid?”
“No.” Such a silly question—of course I was, but it wouldn’t do to let Khloe know that. It brought to mind how different our childhoods had been. She’d been raised surrounded by smiling, loving people, safety, and peace, whereas I…I’d been raised to ignore my human weakness for the greater good. “And you don’t have to be afraid either. I’ll be heavily guarded every second I’m in England.”
It was like she was searching in her head to collect her scattered thoughts. “Do you think I should go back to Wyoming and wait there until you can join me?”
“No,” I blurted out more forcefully than I intended. “Stay here, love. Be with your mother. It’ll give me comfort knowing you’re with Chrissie.”
What I didn’t tell her was that my security, while good, wasn’t the same caliber as her father’s, and given the things Liam and I had heard yesterday, her family home was the safest place on earth for anyone a part of my family.
A single loud knock against the door caused my head to turn. “Another moment, please.”
Footsteps faded from the hall. Liam had texted me twice already, but I’d not responded. But whoever had knocked hadn’t been my brother; I sensed it was a member of the RaSP detail that would travel home with me. When I turned back around, Khloe’s expression ravished my heart.
I ran my palms along the tense lines of her cheek. “Walk me out. You look so beautiful in the morning light.”
“You look beautiful in every light.” She began to tap her fingers against her mouth. “I don’t want you to go, Damon.”
“I know. But I have to.” That I couldn’t stay for her was agony.
“After what your father did to you, you don’t owe him anything.”
Her sudden flash of anger was heartbreaking because Khloe was never bitter or spiteful.
“Baby, I thought you understood. I’m not doing this only for my father or my brothers. I’m going for my people. I couldn’t live with myself otherwise. That makes it something I must do for us. You. Me. And Wells.”
I quickly went to my suitcase to shut it to avoid how her face looked as she climbed from the bed to walk me out.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Khloe
The Present
CODY SITS IN THE chair, shaking his head at me. “Eleven Saturdays Damon has come. How long are you going to keep this up, girl?”
What makes him think I can change any of this?
He covers his eyes with a hand, and I hear a muffled sound that tears at my heart. He looks up at me, his gaze anguished. “If you can’t do it for him, do it for me. I feel responsible for this, Khloe. I miss you and the way things used to be. If not for me, you’d be happy in Wyoming, living your life together. It’s my fault, damn it.”
It’s not your fault, Cody. I can’t look at him; it hurts too much. I stare at a blank spot of wall instead. I know he’s suffering, just as I am, from how things ended up.
He leans forward and kisses my cheek. “I love you, girl. I better get out of here. Damon’s going to be here soon. Facing him isn’t much better for me than facing you these days, and you need to pull yourself together.”
Before I can respond, he hustles out of the room. I stare out the window, trying to prepare myself for Damon. Today will be twelve dates, and that’s all, folks. The last episode, and if I can remain strong through our final dinner together without encouraging Damon, the agony of seeing him will at last be over.
It’s what I want.
A tear rolls down my cheek.
If only it felt that way.
Our time together has been the one thing I’ve had to look forward to each week. Without him, my minutes would again pass in aching agony, as they did the year he stayed away.
Light fills my room.
The door’s been opened.
It must be one of the studio crew to tell me to get out on the set, that it’s time to start filming.
I shift my gaze, and my stomach drops. No, no. It isn’t possible. “How did you get onto my set?”
“Set?” He slowly walks forward and gestures widely around the room. “There’s no place I can’t get into. You should know that by now.”
I gaze in confusion and disbelief. Then, slowly, I remember everything, the part of the past year I’ve forgotten—the when and how Damon and I lost each other—and I know why he’s here.
My head begins to swim.
My heart races painfully.
No, no, not today.
Damon
The Present
THE CAR PULLS TO a stop, and I wait impatiently for my security detail to open the door. I stare blindly out the window. It’s lovely here. Peaceful. If Khloe must spend her time here, at least there are lovely views from the windows.
I glance at the seat beside me, at the small box wrapped in purple and silver. Would KK even glance at it today? Will she be different?
Emotion clogs my throat.
I forbade Winthrop from accompanying me today. It feels good to be alone with my own thoughts for a while. It’s also painful.
At least there’s nothing on the agenda after this. An entire evening and afternoon for Damon the man. I can leave here and get drunk if I want to. How long has it been since I’ve done that? A year. Yes, maybe it’s time to lose my shit in privacy. With no one telling me what I must or shouldn’t do.
I stir from a blast of warm California air filling the car and set a foot on the pavement. I climb from the dimness into the sunshine, and my gaze lands on a familiar face.
Every muscle in my body tenses.
Cody’s next to the door, leaning against the building. He looks good. Much better than he did twelve months ago when last I saw him, and his eyes are devoid of the condemnation of me they used to carry. Still, I don’t want to see him.
Christ.
I halt near him, not extending a hand.
“What are you doing here? How did you get through the security circle around the building?”
He shrugs. “Did you really just ask me that? I saved your ass from a palace once. Moving around the US without being stopped by anyone is easy.” He takes a billfold from his pocket and flashes it open for me. “I do an occasional side gig with the CIA. That trumps your RaSP guys anywhere in the world. Leland wasn’t the only spook on the plane.”
I smile despite myself. “I hadn’t known that.”
“Why would you?” Cody says cavalierly. He juts his chin toward the car. “Let’s get out of this sun. You’re not used to it anymore. We need to talk, man.”
Talk?
My insides begin to jackhammer. “Not in my car. Not today. I’m late as it is.”
“She’s not going anywhere. It’s not like dinner can start without you.”
There’s just enough mockery in that to shatter my composure. “Damn it. Go away. I have nothing to say to you, and I won’t allow something to happen to you. Khloe loves you. I won’t be responsible for hurting her yet another way. Go away, Cody. Please.”
“Not taking no for an answer.” He runs a hand through his hair, annoyed. “Fuck, Damon. The war’s over. The New World Order crushed. The conspirators in the UK caught and behind bars. You need to seriously dial it down, dude, or you’re going to come undone. And even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t be afraid to sit in a car with you.”
“Well, you should be. There are threats against me every day. Just because the war is over doesn’t mean the world is safe for me and anyone near me.”
He laughs. “Nothing’s going to happen to me, even if someone attacks that vehicle while we’re in it. Took three bullets when our Doctors Without Borders camp was attacked saving Gideon and still killed every one of those motherfuckers before they killed me. No one’s killing me today. Or you. I’m not letting you see Khloe without talking to me. Get your ass in the car. You owe me.”
It feels sadly good to have someone talk to me that way again. “I know I owe
you for saving Khloe’s life, but this isn’t how I pay the debt. The danger’s never going to end, Cody. It won’t end until I abdicate the throne.”
“Then abdicate, Damon. It’s time.”
He pushes away from the building and gestures for my men to stay back. He opens the car door and climbs in. “Coming, Damon?” he calls out to me.
My throat convulses, but I follow him into the back seat of my vehicle. The guard slams the door behind me.
“Say what you have to say,” I tell him, staring straight forward.
“I’ve got nothing to say to you, buddy.” He leans forward in his seat and flashes his badge at my driver. “Start driving. I’ll tell you where to turn.”
“No, I’m not leaving here. You said you wanted to talk. What are you doing?”
“Drive,” he shouts then crosses his arms to look at me. “I’m taking you to the person you need to talk to, you stubborn cuss. Someone needs to straighten out your head. Get us all out of this fucking lousy place you’ve left us in.”
Apprehension curls my digestive tract. A sickening feeling of knowing what this is and praying that it isn’t.
Damon
The Present
THE CAR ROLLS TO a stop exactly where I expect it to. My driver alights and runs around the front to open my door.
I glare at Cody. “How could you do this?”
“I owe her more than I owe you. She said get you here. That’s what I did.”
Her? Alan isn’t responsible for this dreadful outrage. Chrissie is. I don’t know if that makes what’s going to happen better or worse.
I stare at him, angry and baffled. “You do realize what she’s going to ask me? How can you be OK with that?”
“Because I’d ask you myself if you’d listen to me, but you won’t. Maybe you’ll listen to her.”
My brows furrow. Of all the people I expected to understand my intractability over this issue, I thought it would be him. He loves Khloe as much as I do.
“I don’t believe that.” My voice is harsh and icy.
His jaw tightens. “Doesn’t matter what you believe. Get going, Damon. You don’t get off the estate until you’ve seen her.”
I study him for a moment.
It’s no bluff.
Even my royal guard couldn’t rescue me from Alan’s property.
With no direction left to go, I climb from the car and head up the steps. Maybe they all are right. It’s time. And only my heart is dragging this out for everyone.
Damon
The Present
MY FOOTSTEPS ECHO IN the silent house. It’s unnerving how still it is. With all I’ve been through, nothing should have the power to fray my nerves, certainly not being in the Manzone home.
I grow more in disarray with each step anyway. All those feelings I block surface, and I’m soon who I am without Khloe: trapped, hopeless, and lost. But I can’t be any of those things when I see Chrissie.
I go to the kitchen first, Chrissie’s favorite room in the house. It’s empty. Gazing through the wall of glass, I scan the back lawn and there she is. A splash of blond hair in the distance. She’s sitting on a lounger, facing the cliffs.
There’s no delaying this now. Well, the cliffs will at least be a peaceful place for this sure-to-be-heart-shredding discussion.
I step out onto the patio and stride across the lawn. I’m almost to her when she turns her head, locking me in her bright blue eyes.
“Damon.” She sounds relieved.
“I wish you hadn’t done this, Chrissie.”
Her brows furrow. “I know, but you left me no choice.”
Halting beside the chair obviously intended for me, I don’t sit down. I fix my gaze on the ocean, unable to look at her. “We’ve all said all there is to say to each other. There’s nothing left to discuss. Talking about it won’t change my decision.”
“Maybe not talking,” she says sadly, and I can feel her coming up behind me. “But maybe something else will.”
She steps around me—I think to force me to look at her—then my stomach drops. Clutched against her chest is Wells. Tears burn my eyes. He’s grown so much in a year.
She forces him into my arms. My muscles tremble as I cautiously hold him, and when I bring him close enough into me to feel and smell him, the tears I’ve held back break free and run down my face.
I hold him close to my cheek as I choke on sobs. “I’m sorry. Take him back, Chrissie. I don’t wish to frighten him.”
“You won’t frighten him, Damon. He’s your son. Those are tears of love. Babies know these things.” She smiles as if she doesn’t notice I’m a wreck, that I’m on the edge of completely breaking down. “Look at how he watches you, holds your shirt with his fingers. Babies know everything all on their own. I figure maybe he can help you find the right answer for Khloe.”
And with that she hurries off, back toward the house. Her head is bowed, and I know she’s crying. I also know there’s going to be more to this than visiting my son.
My son…
Emotion floods my body in a torrent, and I have to sit, my legs suddenly weak. I settle in a chair with Wells and hold him close.
He’s beautiful like his mother. Bright blue eyes like her and shiny black hair. I can’t tell yet whose nose he got. But his mouth, that’s mine.
I bring him up to my face, inhale deeply, and kiss his chubby cheek. That’s when I see it, laying on the table beside me.
Khloe’s journal from Wyoming.
My heart drops to my stomach.
This is Chrissie’s argument to try to change my decision. My son and whatever parts of his mum I find on those pages…
Epilogue
Damon
The Present
…I’M SO LUCKY I get to be your mom, Wells. I love you in a way I never imagined possible and that I never knew before you. But don’t tell your dad…he probably won’t understand. He likes to be first in my heart. And he is. But I have two first ‘firsts’ now, in different ways that make up a complete, thoroughly consuming love, and that’s wonderful.
I so understand my mom better now, and why my sisters always were fast to defend her when they thought I was being a little too critical of how intensely she tried to take care of me (they’d experienced mommy love before me). I feel bad I was at times a bit harsh with my parents during my illness. I understand them better because I don’t think there’s any limit to what I would do and no power on this earth that could make me stop fighting for you, baby boy. And now I know why they always fought so hard for me…
I reread Khloe’s last journal entry and stare at it. I brush away my tears and scrub back my hair, careful not to wake Wells sleeping against my chest.
It’s dated the day before everything changed.
Christ. I was wrong to think Chrissie wouldn’t fight harder than Alan to get me to change my decision or that our meeting might be something not as emotionally ravishing as the past year has been.
Alan likes to give orders and muscle someone with his force of will. But, oh, Chrissie is more brutal. She fights like a mother—all love—and it’s impossible to insulate myself against her.
I set down the journal on the table beside me and gaze out across the Pacific Ocean. The sun’s slowly lowering on the horizon. I wonder where Khloe’s parents are watching the sunset. As long as I’ve known them, they haven’t missed one from their beloved cliffs.
The mark of the end of another day.
Chrissie’s voice floats through my head.
In our house we like to end the day better than it’s been.
Better than it’s been…
I touch my lips to my son’s crown of black curls.
When I go back into the house to face them, will the three of us end better than we’ve been? And will the dawn bring infinite possibilities or only heartache like it did today?
I watch the orange and purple tones fade from the sky. Darkness
crawls in from the ocean.
It’s time, Damon. I cuddle Wells closer, and fresh tears burn my eyes. I know what the Manzones want, but it’s a decision that should never be forced on any man.
Not a man deeply, passionately in love with his wife.
Not a father fighting for his son.
But the choice is in my hands, no one else’s. That’s why Chrissie dragged me here today. And my family, their family, can’t continue this way.
Once it’s dark, I head back toward the house and all that awaits me there.
Khloe
The Present
My back’s pressed flat against my dressing room door and my emotions are careening. “Please, I can’t talk to you now. I’m needed on the set. We’re filming today. It’s my final dinner date with Damon.”
He quirks a golden brow.
Why is he staring at me that way? “You’re just going to have to wait,” I state more emphatically.
He shakes his head. “Khloe, where do you think you are?”
Icy cold prickles run my nerves. “Studio City, California. On my television set. You know damn well where we are! Why are you being this way?”
His brilliant blue eyes soften. “Damon isn’t coming. You’re going to have to make a decision without seeing him for the twelfth time.”
I glance over my shoulder but find only the door behind me. “No. That’s not possible. Damon wouldn’t stand me up.”
I turn my face back toward him, and he’s right in front of me. “It’s the truth, Khloe. Have I ever lied to you before?”
“No. Never.” Tears rise to my eyes as I stare at him in indecision. “Why isn’t Damon coming? Why are you here today?”
He places his hands gently on my cheeks. “I’m here to help you. I’m always around to help you. Close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Close your eyes, Khloe. Look down. Then tell me what you see.”
I stare at him in dismay. “How do you know about the infinite-possibilities box?”
He tilts my head until I’m staring downward.
“You can ask me anything later. But we’ve gotta do this first. Close your eyes, Khloe, then tell me what you see.”
