Suburban Dicks

by Fabian Nicieza

  Forever.

  She looked at Ruth and Eli and Sarah and Sadie. Looking at them, forever wasn’t such a horrible thing. But looking at Jeff, whose face was still buried in his phone, forever seemed like . . . forever.

  Ultimately, this circus was a pretty small price to pay for the justice she had brought for Cleon and Satku, and for the sense of accomplishment she had given herself. Then, suppressing a grunt of significant discomfort caused by the baby, she was startled to hear Rossi mention her name.

  Flustered, she said, “Are we taking questions?” Looking over the hands that were raised, she reacted instinctively and said, “Um . . . Kenny?”

  She realized her mistake the moment she said his name.

  “Mrs. Stern, there has been a lot of speculation that this entire investigation was conducted in an unconventional way,” Kenny started. “Could you address exactly how someone with some dated academic training in police procedure, but no true or current practical experience, first came to theorize about the motives behind Sasmal’s murder?”

  She looked him in the eye with a malicious twinkle, but a comfortably sweet smile on her face. “Thank you for your question, Mr. Lee,” she said. “The initial thoughts that instigated my theories were, to say the least, a little unorthodox.”

  She paused, feeling a stronger push from the baby than she’d felt throughout her entire pregnancy. But it was more than the rolling over of the baby or even the unexpected thrust of a foot or a fist.

  “Some might call it a hunch—” She tried to continue, but was forced to stop again. She heard murmuring in the crowd. “But . . . um . . . I tend to put possibilities together in—in kind of . . . um . . . kind of an unorthodox manner. In this case I—”

  She stopped and hunched over.

  She groaned.

  She heard the whispers in the audience grow louder.

  She felt more sweat beading on her forehead.

  She noticed Rossi and the mayor move toward her.

  She felt a very sharp poke.

  Then she felt a very sharp cramp.

  And that’s when Andrea’s water broke all over the stage, splashing amniotic fluid across Kenny’s face.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks to Ellen Claire Lamb, Alex Segura, Brad Meltzer, and Eric and Hayley Eden for their advice, feedback, and general support.

  Thanks to Seema Sathaye, Esther Sun, Tejinder Kaur Gill, and Sandeep Dandekar, my West Windsor/Plainsboro reading group, for providing their thoughts on the cultural portrayals contained in the book and their understanding that its intent was to be an equal opportunity mocker.

  Thanks to Jeff Gomez, Mark Pensavalle, Chrysoula Artemis-Gomez, Steele Filipek, David Wisnick, and E. J. Couloucoundis, my coworkers at Starlight Runner Entertainment, for their encouragement throughout this process. We’re not defined by the limitations placed on us, but the limitations we place on ourselves.

  Thanks to Albert Lee, Zander Kim, Mirabel Michelson, and Katrina Escudero of United Talent Agency, and Simon Pulman, Novika Ishar, and Raven Berzel of Cowan, DeBaets, Abrahams & Sheppard LLP for restoring my faith in the curious creatures we call agents and lawyers.

  Thanks to Ivan Held and Sally Kim of G. P. Putnam’s Sons. My first job out of college was working for Putnam/Berkley, and almost forty years later, the current team at Putnam has been just as excellent as the group I worked with back in the Jurassic Age.

  Thanks to Ashley McClay and Alexis Welby for getting the word out, Christopher Lin and Kristin del Rosario for making it look so good, and everyone in sales for supporting the book!

  And especially a big thanks to Mark Tavani and Danielle Dieterich, my editors, for believing in an unconventional manuscript from an unexpected source, for never once thinking a writer who has done that for thirty years can’t also do this for the next thirty, and for helping to make the book better at every turn.

  But most important, thanks to Ryan Reynolds for being the beautiful you that you are. Hopefully, I have guilted you into promoting this book to your gabillion followers on social media. Remember the Shar-Pei.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Fabian Nicieza is an Argentine-American comic book writer and editor who is best known who is best known as the co-creator of Marvel's Deadpool and for his work on titles such as X-Men, X-Force, New Warriors, Cable, and Thunderbolts. Suburban Dicks is his debut novel.

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