Our conversation flows well and makes me enjoy being around him even more. I really like him, I tell myself, but the thoughts of keeping who I really am start to bubble up and remind me that I’m keeping a huge secret from him. Thankfully those thoughts are interrupted by Landon.
“Did you enjoy dinner?”
“Yes, it was delicious. Thank you.”
He smiles, gosh that smile. It makes me smile back.
“I could get use to you cooking for me.”
Landon laughs and scoots his chair back.
“Lets get dinner cleaned up so we can go sit outside on the back deck.”
“Sounds like a plan, I’ll wash you dry.” I wink as I carry dishes into the kitchen.
We take our glasses of sweet tea out back. It’s dark but the string of lights set the mood. It’s beautiful and romantic.
“It’s beautiful and quiet out here.”
“Isn’t it?” Landon pauses for a moment before continuing,
“Tell me Evie, where do you see this thing between us going?” He pins me with his stare while raising an eyebrow.
Oh no, hard questions. I open and close my mouth. I’m not prepared for this shit.
“Evie? I know you are holding something back. What it is I don't know. But I'm going to figure it out.”
He sounds so confident. Fuck. It makes me feel bad.
“I, I’m not sure. I’ve been taking it one day at a time.” I answer honestly. Landon leans over and grabs my hands. As he looks me in the eyes he says, “I’ll take that answer. I want you to know I like you a lot.”
His beautiful eyes twinkle out here under these little lights.
“I like you too.”
That must satisfy him because the next thing I know, he’s leaning in and kissing me ever so slightly on my lips. It sends chills down my spine. I kiss him back. I feel his tongue dart out at my lips. I open mine nervously and allow him to deepen our kiss. When he pulls away, I instantly miss his lips, but not for long because he pulls me closer and starts kissing me again.
Now I’ve kissed a few guys in the past but this kiss. It’s wow... I have no words. Landon takes his time kissing me. He kisses me softly then harder and I savor every moment. It’s sensational, I’ve never been kissed with such passion. His firm hands have found mine and the way he is gripping my hand like it’s his life line stirs something in me. I don’t know what and I don’t care as long as this feeling doesn’t go away.
Chapter 5
2 months have come and gone since Landon and I met. We’ve been casually seeing each other, nothing too serious. He steals a kiss here and there. Shoot, who am I kidding? We have had some hot, high school type make out sessions. His kisses are so incredible and I almost lose myself in the moment. But then I remember who I am, the secrets I hold, and it ruins going any further. Landon takes me going cold well though. He’s patient and it means everything to me.
I’ve decided it is going to be the night that I let things go further. I have a date tonight and I'm determined to move on from my past. It’s going to be special and while I have no idea where this thing between us will go, I decide to enjoy it for what it is. I’m prepared and bought a sexy, little black dress just for the occasion. My leopard print Jessica Simpson heels will add the perfect touch. My makeup is simple, yet sexy. I did up some wings with my black eye liner, a little blush, and nude lipstick.
It’s 7pm and Landon is right on time. He is never late.
We head out to our favorite Italian spot. He orders gnocchi with spinach and cheese sauce. I choose the chicken farfalle. We make small talk about how our week went. Dinner is delicious, however I can’t wait to leave the restaurant and head back to Landon’s.
We arrive back to his house after dinner and he breaks out a bottle of red moscato. We don’t have drinks often, so he must feel tonight is special too. Bonus, he knows what kind of wine I like.
“Make yourself comfortable.” Landon gestures to the living room. I smile and nod picking up my glass.
We make our way to the living room and sit on his black, leather oversized loveseat. Landon takes my glass from me and sets it on the table along with his. He then takes my hands and pulls me close. I can feel the buzz of electricity between us already. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt with anyone.
“I need to kiss you.”
"Oh…” It’s all I can manage to say in return.
He kisses me sweetly at first and waits for me to open my lips further to deepen the kiss. It’s divine. It takes my breath away and I pull back slightly to look at him.
Nervously I whisper, “I really like spending time with you Landon.”
I lean back towards him and bite his bottom lip lightly. Landon lets out a low growl and leads me back against the love seat to where he is hovering above me by inches. I pull him a little closer so I can feel his chest against mine. I can smell the wine on his breath. It’s intoxicating. I dare myself to put my arms under his shirt. Landon is hard, all muscle. As I’m roaming, his mouth finds mine again. His kiss is no longer sweet, it’s rough now… almost needy. His left hand goes around the back of my neck.
“Evie baby, you taste amazing. Let me taste more of you.”
“Okay.” It’s all I can say, hoping he can’t tell how nervous I am. My hands are still roaming over his chest as he pulls back suddenly.
“Really, are you sure? You want this?”
I shake my head and pull him back to me. I begin kissing him deeply. I need him to feel my answer. Suddenly Landon gets up, leaving me feeling cold before pulling me with him towards his bedroom. We reach his bed as he lets go of me. I suddenly no longer feel cold. Just thinking about what is about to happen has heat spreading through my veins.
“Evie, I want to see you.”
I bite my bottom lip as my adrenaline spikes. I have to tell myself I can do this. Nodding my head, I reach for the zipper on the back of my dress.
“Let me do it.” Landon says in a rush. His deep voice sends chills down my spine. He comes up and turns me around so I am facing his mirror that’s attached to his dresser. He puts gentle kisses all over the back of my neck making his way down my back as he unzips my dress.
“I want you to know you are gorgeous.” His gaze meets mine in the mirror.
I shiver, while watching his every move. Landon pushes the straps of my dress off my shoulders, his touch leaving little trails of heat behind. It’s almost erotic to watch this scene play out in front of me. I won’t lie though, it is kinda hot. Once my dress has fallen and pooled at my feet, which are still in heels, Landon drops to his knees. He gently places kisses along my lower back then turns me around so I’m facing him. I’m practically on display, in nothing but my bra and thong. Black lace, not much to either. I’m in a vulnerable state, I’m starting to wonder if I am really ready for this until Landon pulls me from my thoughts as he growls and it’s the sexiest sound.
“I want you so bad, but first I’m going to take it slow and devour you. I hope you’re ready for me.”
Holy shit! Did he just say that? He must feel me tremble slightly.
“But only if you want this Evie.”
Landon is the perfect gentleman. Instead of answering, I bravely unclasp my bra. You can do this, I tell myself. As I slide my bra straps down and let the bra fall away Landon is dead still. Eyes fixed on my chest. I’m not an overly busty gal, just enough I have always told myself. He’s still staring at my chest so I take this moment to be bold and remove my thong. I pull the barely there piece of material down my legs and place a quick kiss on Landon’s lips. He stands and backs up to look at me, the girl in nothing but leopard print heels currently.
“What a sight.” Landon says with restraint. I look down to see his erection straining. This must be agony for him. I look back up at him to see he is still taking me in.
I smirk, “Like what you see?”
“Do I ever.”
He comes up to me fast and kisses me hard. His left hand is all over my
breast, pinching slightly. I moan into his mouth. His erection is rubbing against me and it’s making me want more. I reach to unbutton him, but he stops me.
“Not yet Evie. Lay down on the bed, keep the heels on.”
I don’t know why but, I do as I’m told.
“Spread your legs.” He demands.
Doing so makes me feel so exposed. No one has ever seen me this way. He removes his shoes, socks, and shirt. He then climbs on the bed and hovers above me. My breath hitches when he leans in close to my ear.
“So perfect.”
Landon whispers before kissing me with such desire. Desire I didn’t know existed. I can feel his rock hard erection still pressing against me and it’s starting to send tingles throughout my entire body. When his lips leave mine, I can’t help but touch mine. They are swollen. He begins trailing kisses down my neck to my chest, taking time for each breast. I can hardly stand this.
“Landon.” I moan.
“Just perfect.” He stares back at me through hooded eyes.
As he makes his way down my stomach just below my navel, he never breaks eye contact with me. I start to panic a little. My body is starting to tremble a bit. Landon stops just as he settles himself between my thighs. I start to panic a little and can only hope he can’t see it written on my face.
“Is this okay?”
I bite my bottom lip and just nod. I’m afraid my voice would betray how tense I am. If I’m being honest, I’m actually a little fearful at what’s to come. Making out with guys and groping each other is way different from this. This is… “Ooh! Holy shit!” Landon’s tongue on me is intense and amazing. I can’t even describe how incredible it feels. I squirm, I can’t help it. This. Is. To. Much. It doesn’t take long before I feel my orgasm building.
“Landon, please more. Please.”
He says nothing, just keeps on licking and sucking. My hips seem to have a mind of their own as they start moving. I don’t know how much more I can handle. It’s too much, yet not enough. Nevertheless, Landon’s tongue never stops moving.
“LANDON!” I scream as stars burst and I come undone for the first time ever in my life by a man.
I’m still coming down from the mind blowing orgasm that Landon just gave me as he lifts me closer to the pillows. He moves over to the side of the bed and I think he opens the nightstand. I can’t be certain because my mind is still reeling with what just took place. Landon comes back to me, hovers above me actually. He looks at me as he places a kiss on my lips.
“You tasted so sweet, just as I thought you would and the way your body moved for me and my mouth, it was as if it was made for me.”
I bite my lip nervously and shrug my shoulders. What do I say to that? He doesn’t give me time to come up with a response though.
“Evie, are you sure you want to do this with me?” He is always making sure everything is okay with me.
I shake my head as I say, “Yes, definitely yes Landon.” I reach around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. I can taste myself on his lips and I don’t know why but it turns me on all over again. He pulls back to put on a condom. That must have been what he pulled out of the nightstand. He looks back to me with a look of longing.
Landon smiles at me as he gets into position. As I feel his cock against my sensitive skin, that’s when dread fills my mind. Is this going to hurt? Will he be able to tell? Maybe this was a…
“Ahh!”
Landon slowly pushes inside me.
“You are so tight Evie.”
I bite my lip to hold in the scream that wants to shout holy hell this hurts. Landon’s looking at me strangely, head tilted but doesn’t say a single word. He keeps filling me until he is all the way in, then starts moving a little faster. I feel pain starting to mix with pleasure.
“Ahh Landon.” My mind is racing. So many thoughts, so many feelings.
“So… tight. So fucking tight.” He practically growls the words. The more he moves, the more pleasure begins to take over. The pain is now a dull ache. As Landon moves faster I begin to feel that same building. It’s the same feeling that took me to the stars. I try to match his movements. I need that feeling. I need the stars.
“Baby, you feel so good and tight. I’m not going to be able to last with you squeezing me.”
I moan out, pleasure is still outweighing the pain. I try to arch my back, I need to feel more. I can feel myself starting to come undone. Landon must feel it too.
“That’s it baby. Come undone for me.”
His words are my undoing. I grab at his arms as I call out his name again for the second time tonight. Landon lets out a growl as he starts to move faster. His thrusts are suddenly deeper and harder. It’s way too much for me. From agony, to pleasure, it becomes pure ecstasy. I feel him unleash and it causes me to grab his hair and scream out. No coherent words, I can’t form them. Landon pulls out and looks down before looking back to me with a look of shock.
“Did you forget to tell me something. Something major?”
He sounds angry so I stay quiet.
“Evie, there is blood. You can’t avoid this.”
“What?!” I sit up fast. Oh my gosh, there is blood. “Shit, Landon I am so sorry.” I cover my face in embarrassment. This is so bad, how stupid could I be?! What was I thinking?
“Hey, don’t get shy on me now. Were you a virgin?”
I remove my hands but don’t look at Landon. I can’t.
“I was yes, and I don’t know. It isn’t something I have ever talked about.”
Landon groans, “I could have made your first time special. I would have gone easier. Damnit are you hurt?”
That catches me off guard, “What?”
“Did I hurt you?” He asks.
“Oh, that. No, I’m just a little sore. But I think it’s a good sore.”
I give a little smile hoping to lighten the mood. Landon stands and pulls me to him.
“Let’s get you showered and cleaned up.” He carries me to his bathroom and turns on the shower.
He washes me gently, taking extra care of my sensitive spots. Landon’s body wash smells so good.
“I’m definitely going to feel this tomorrow.” I say letting the water rain down my chest.
“Most likely.” Landon replies as he peppers little kisses on the back of my neck. “I would have been easier if I had known. I’m sorry.”
“Stop, really. It’s fine. I wouldn’t change a thing about tonight. It was perfect.” It’s the truth. I turn my head and give him a kiss on the lips. He exhales and tells me he’s going to get out and grab me a towel. After a few minutes he walks back in, wraps me up in a towel and carries me back into the room.
I curl up in his sheets. It doesn’t escape me that he changed the sheets. They smell of Landon. It’s inviting and relaxing all wrapped up into one.
After shutting up the house, Landon curls up behind me and pulls me to him.
“I could get use to this.” He whispers in my ears.
Me too. I want to whisper back even though my secret is sitting there in the back of my mind.
Chapter 6
The next few weeks seem to fly by. Season is picking up at S1 and Sam has me working a little longer. By the time the weekend comes around I’m dead tired. Landon said he was picking up take out and that we were staying in so I could relax.
“You’re pretty perfect you know that?” I say to Landon as he cleans up dinner. He just chuckles and goes about cleaning up.
“Go lay down, I’ll be in as soon as I’m done cleaning up.”
“Okay.” I say over my shoulder as I walk towards his room.
I must have dozed off because the next thing I know I’m in bed and my clothes have been removed. Landon is laying kisses all over my breasts. I stir, letting him know he has my full attention.
“Hey you.” He says it in such a sexy way. It sends goosebumps all over my skin. I could get used to this… if only I didn’t have this black cloud hanging over my head. Landon comes up
to kiss me, “Let me take care of you tonight.”
I start to object, but he places a finger over my lips and makes his way back to what he was doing. He settles between my thighs and it isn’t long before Landon takes me to see the stars burst and rain down over me.
Landon comes up to lay beside me and I immediately snuggle into his chest. I fit perfectly there. This new life isn’t so bad now that he’s around. As if he can read my thoughts he quietly says,
“I think I’m falling for you Evie. I need to know you are falling too.”
My heart races, he’s falling for me? I know I’m falling. I’m scared, plus I’m hiding so much of me. What if he finds out who I really am and takes off?
I decide to be honest. It’s the one thing he deserves and it’s the one thing I can give him.
“I’m falling too, but so scared.”
“That’s fair, I’ll take that. Are you scared because of the nightmares?”
Crap.
“You could say that, but please don’t ask me to talk about them.”
Landon kisses my forehead. “Okay, but at some point we will discuss them.”
I want to move on from my past. I miss Sarah so much but the fear of Chet is all too real. The last thoughts I have before sleep takes over are of my last moments running away from Sarah.
I wake suddenly and feel Landon’s strong arms holding me tightly. His eyes are full of turmoil. I sigh and close my eyes.
“Evie,” there’s a pause before Landon continues. “You can’t hide from this discussion.”
He’s right, finding a small sliver of courage I open my eyes to see his beautiful green eyes looking back at me.
“Landon, I…” I stop myself. I can’t tell him, he won’t understand. I hate this battle in my head. He is falling for Evie, not Eleanor. I’m digging myself a hole here and have no idea how to get out of it.
He reaches out and squeezes my arm. A sign he really cares and it makes me feel that much worse.
The Secrets We Keep Page 3
