The Secrets We Keep

by Lisamarie Kade

  “Ah, I figured I would drop in and pay you a visit. You know, it wasn’t that hard to find you and your address. Sarah should do a better job at creating passwords for her email account. I should give her credit though, she has spent countless hours trying to find you.” He pauses and cracks his neck before continuing on.

  “Speaking of my girlfriend, she left me a voicemail. Something about a nightmare and you calling out my name. So… tell me, why would she be leaving such a voicemail?” I take him in, he really is a piece of work. The jerk snooped through Sarah’s personal stuff, now I know how he found me. God knows what else he is capable of.

  I look him in the eye, “I don’t know Chet. I had a dream, she claimed she heard me call your name. I woke up not remembering my dream. I’ve told her this.” I throw up my hands like I’m frustrated, I am honestly. I am over this entire situation. I’m sick of living this paranoid life with nothing but lies and secrets all because I caught Chet with his pants down.

  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have stuff I need to do.” I state firmly with my hand resting on my hip in annoyance.

  “Of course, don’t let me hold you back.” He motions his hand toward my door.

  “Just remember what I told you Eleanor. Don’t fuck with me. Do you understand?”

  He looks smug and it makes me want to knock his teeth out. Instead I smile, “Chet if my sister is too blind to see you for the asshole you are then that’s her problem not mine. Now excuse me.”

  Wow... I can’t believe I was brave enough to spit that out.

  I push my hair back over my shoulder and reach down quickly to retrieve my keys that I dropped. Upon standing back up I look at Chet, he looks shocked by my words. Good. He takes a step sideways, so I step forward toward my door. I just need to be able to get inside and away from him, except before I can get the key in the hole to unlock my door, he grabs my wrist causing me to shriek as every bone in my body goes rigid.

  “I mean it. I’ll end you.” His voice is laced with venom and his glare alone is enough to make me sick.

  I slowly nod, trying to keep the tears at bay. I don’t want him to see me breakdown. He lets me go, straightens his shirt, and walks away. I swallow the lump in my throat and somehow manage to insert my key and unlock the door. I can’t get in fast enough. Once in, I shut the door, locking it immediately. Sliding down to the floor, I take several deep breaths. It is then that I look down at my hands and realize they are shaking. I let the tears come then. They come fast with no signs of stopping. One would think I would be all cried out by now, but no. My phone buzzes causing me to jump. Fuck! I pull my phone out and see a text from Landon, what impeccable timing he has.

  Who was that guy outside your door?

  Seriously? Is he stalking me too? I don’t bother with a reply. My mind can’t handle it.

  Chapter 13

  I decided not to go to work. Sam was understanding and for that I’m glad. I haven’t left my condo. I’m afraid to leave. I don’t know when or if Chet is going to pop back up. I drag myself up off the couch where I’ve been since last night. I need coffee, ASAP. Heading into the kitchen I start the pot. It’s almost 9:30 and I need to come up with some sort of plan. Maybe move… again? Start fresh… again. I could forget about Landon. Forget how he made me feel alive. I could also lose Sarah again. Thinking about losing her hurts. I just got my sister back. Regardless, there’s Chet. Standing smack dab in between us. He’s like a sore that doesn’t go away. The coffee beeps, alerting me that it is ready, pulling me from my thoughts.

  By the time noon rolls around I’ve got four places to consider moving to. This time around I’m doing my homework. I’m satisfied with narrowing it down. Feeling somewhat accomplished. My phone goes off, making me jump. I have received a text from Jessy. Shit! I forgot about our lunch plans. I call her, not bothering to text back. She deserves a phone call.

  “Hey you! What happened?” Jessy answers immediately.

  “I’m so sorry! Really… things have been more than hectic.”

  “I see. You forgot about me. I even went to your work and your boss told me you called out.”

  “I did. It’s a long story. Why don’t you come over. I’ll make us some lunch and explain everything.”

  Am I ready to explain everything? Maybe telling her my problems will give me another point of view.

  “Okay. I think I like this new plan. I’ll bring wine.” Jessy says.

  We say our goodbyes and as I pull out stuff to make lunch, I feel both terrible and relieved at the same time. Terrible that I forgot and relieved that I might finally get some advice on the mess I have in front of me.

  Jessy arrives about 30 minutes later and sure enough with a bottle of red moscato in hand.

  Smiling, she says, “I thought you might need a glass or two."

  I smile, pulling her in for a hug. "Thanks girl. You truly are awesome."

  Jessy makes herself right at home. She takes off her shoes and tosses them by the door then sets about opening the wine. Her hair is piled on top of her head without a care in the world. She really is the friend every girl should have. I pull out two stemless wine glasses. Best invention ever by the way.

  "The salad is ready." I pause before continuing. “Greek salad, I'm just warming up some bread to go with it."

  "Sounds delish, and sounds like you want to avoid something. Now spill."

  Jessy wastes no time. She is ruthless, yet another reason I've grown to love her.

  Chewing my lip, I debate on where to start. I want to tell her about Chet, but I'm scared. I look up at her. She must notice my stalling because her hands move to her hips and her eyebrow is drawn up.

  "Well,” Jessy states, "Get to talking."

  Pulling out the bread, I exhale and find the small ounce of bravery I have left. I’ve put this off long enough.

  "My real name is Eleanor, not Evie. I changed my name after running from my past."

  Jessy says nothing. She's busy chewing her food. She nods for me to continue, so I do.

  "I was a real estate agent and worked alongside my sister Sarah's fiancé, Chet. One night I caught him with another woman in his office."

  She gasps, shakes her head.

  "Wow! What a jerk,” with a wave of her hand, “sorry you were saying."

  I continue to tell her how he grabbed me and made threats to end me and that is why I ran and changed my name. I finished up with Sarah finding me and that it was Landon who led her to me. Surprisingly I have held it together and not broken down.

  "Holy shit Evie. Is this why he stopped seeing you?"

  I nod. it's the only explanation I can come up with.

  "I think so. He's tried to apologize and wants to explain, but really Jessy what is there to explain?" I shrug my shoulders and pick up my glass, taking a long sip.

  "I might be the odd man, but I think you need to hear Landon out. He loves you. I know it. The way he looks at you. I would at least hear what he has to say. Besides, it sounds like you have something to confess too.” Jessy says looking me in the eyes. She's serious, her lips are drawn in a thin line. I need more wine, taking another sip and swallowing before speaking.

  “I don't know Jessy. I'm most likely going to be moving, it's probably pointless."

  "What?!" Jessy shrieks in response, causing me to jump. "No way! You are not leaving me. Not because some dickwad can't keep his pecker in his pants."

  "You don't understand Jess. He threatened to kill me or have one of his rich tycoons capture me. I can't risk him coming here again."

  Jessy stands and tells me it'll be okay and that we will hand Chet his balls. Then walks off. I laugh deeply. We both do. Jessy comes back with the bottle of wine.

  "We are going to the police." She tells me matter of factly. Is she crazy? I go to protest but she holds a hand up.

  "No Evie, if you don't go, I'll go without you. I will." She gives me the eyebrow and I know she is dead serious. I sag, not sure I can continue eating.

&n
bsp; "I'm scared Jessy." As soon as the words leave my mouth I feel as though a weight has been lifted slightly even if not for long. I feel it. I’ve never told a soul about Chet.

  "Girl, that's okay. Fear is rational. You up and running to hide is not. You will come stay with me while we get this sorted." Jessy's voice is stern. I know she won’t take no for an answer.

  "Did you call me Jess a minute ago?" Jessy asks before taking a sip of wine.

  I replay our conversation in my head then say, "Ya.. um… I guess I did." Shoot I hope I didn't piss her off.

  Jessy laughs, “See, you gave me a nickname. That means I'm your bestie and you can't leave me now." She’s all cheerful like I didn't just dump a load of shit at her feet. We both look at each other and burst into laughter. Boy I am glad Jessy weaseled her way into my life.

  Chapter 14

  Jessy picks me up the next morning to take me to the police station to file a report. I told her I could drive myself, but of course she didn't believe I would follow through with it. Deep down part of me believes I would have chickened out too. I don't tell Jessy this though. Jessy packed sunglasses and a beanie for me. To hide my identity she claims. I will admit, she thinks of everything.

  I phoned Sam last night and told him I would be in after my morning appointment. His only response was “Okay Evie." I'm not sure how to take him sometimes, but one thing I like about him is that he doesn't pry information out of me.

  We meet with a female officer, Kate Velle. She’s pretty, yet looks like she can kick some ass. Long black hair, straight as can be. She’s tall and fit. I have no doubt she does her job well. Her expression is intimidating as I replay that night and finish up with Chet showing up at my place. By the time I’m finished with my story, she looks pissed. Officer Velle reassured me several times that I've done the right thing by reporting what happened. If only I could feel that way. Jessy told her I would be moving in with her until this matter was taken care of. I went to argue but Officer Velle stopped me mid sentence and told me Jessy was right.

  "See Evie. That wasn't so bad." Jessy says, handing me the sunglasses as we walk out of the station. I feel clammy and mentally drained.

  "Hey, Earth to Evie." Jessy brings me out of my thoughts. "You're going to be okay."

  "Sorry Jess, I was just thinking of everything that just happened."

  "It's okay, you've got this. I'll drop you at S1 and then I'm gonna go back and pack up your place."

  "Jessy, you don't have..." I go to argue but she quickly holds a hand up,

  "Don't bother." Her reply is sarcastic, just like the smile on her face. Damn her.

  The car ride to work is short and quiet. Just what I needed. Time to think and then overthink.

  The rest of my day was filled with distractions. I had yesterday's work plus todays to catch up on. I gave Sam a short recap of my current situation because I felt it was best he knew in case Chet made an unwelcome appearance. He was very understanding about it all. He told me he wasn't going to dock my pay for yesterday and that right there sent me over the edge. The dam that had been barely keeping the tears at bay, burst. I cried for a good fifteen minutes. Sam ended up handing me tissues and walking out. I assume that was because he didn't know what to do with a girl crying.

  I’m trying to settle into Jessy’s spare room. It feels foreign, as if I’m lost at sea. My mind is all over. Eb and flow, pulling me back and forth. Maybe a hot soak in the tub will help ease my mind. I gather up what I need for the bathroom. Did I mention this was the only bathroom? No? It is. Jessy told me she didn’t mind sharing and I believe her. But still.

  I toss in a bath bomb and let the water fill. The smell of lavender fills the air. The water is hot, as hot as I can possibly stand. I undress and look at myself in the mirror. I don’t recognize myself. The real me. Eleanor, the once confident beautiful woman. What I see back is a shell of who I was. I feel like a lost soul constantly looking for a part of who I used to be, yet hiding the real me. Suddenly feeling very self-conscious I wrap my arms around myself.

  “It’ll all be okay.” I tell myself quietly then turn to climb in the tub.

  The water is piping and makes me feel heated. Closing my eyes it’s as if my mind takes over and I think of Landon. I think of the way he smelled whenever we were together. His strong hands and how they gripped my hips. I picture his hands all over my body, his hands roaming over my breasts and squeezing my nipples, to them finding their way downward teasing me. I realize I’m touching my own nipples, lightly pinching them. I’ve never been one to really satisfy myself, besides the occasional date with my vibrator, but this feels good. It makes me feel tingly and a little naughty at the same time.

  Deciding to explore more, I reach my left hand lower under the water and let my mind drift back to the man with the dark hair and green eyes. I let my fingers wander for a minute before I start to rub myself lightly. I imagine that it’s Landon doing the touching. His fingers gliding in and out of me keeping a rhythm with the pinching and pull of my nipples. The ache between my legs starts to build as I begin rubbing faster.

  It doesn’t take long before I feel the build up. I need the release. I apply pressure as I feel myself come undone. I bite my lip to keep from calling out as my orgasm hits me like a tidal wave. I ride it out all the way to the shore, picturing the gorgeous man I’ve come to love.

  After coming down from my blissful state, I realize the water is warm, no longer hot. It still feels relaxing though. I can’t believe I just did that in Jessy’s tub. Embarrassment fills me as I put my hands over my face. What am I doing? I let my mind wander back to Landon. Maybe I should hear him out.

  “I’ve lied too, kind of… but for a good reason.” I whisper.

  I wouldn’t say I’ve lied, just withheld the truth. As if that justifies the lies.

  “Ugh!” I moan as I dunk myself lower in the tub covering my face briefly before deciding to get out.

  I emerge from the bathroom wearing a fluffy mint colored robe that Jessy left on my bed earlier with a note, “To my roomie.” it read.

  I know I’ve said this before but she really is the best.

  As if on cue, “Feel better?” Jessy asks from somewhere. I’m not quite sure where because I don’t see her.

  “Yes, a little bit. Also, thank you for the robe. It’s perfect.”

  “You’re welcome.” Jessy replies back, still unseen.

  Going into my room, I head for my cell and pull up Landon’s name. Before I can overthink what I’m about to do, I send a quick text:

  I’d like to hear what you have to say.

  I exhale and wait for his reply, hoping it’s not too late and that he’ll respond. After a few minutes of waiting I toss the phone on the bed and throw on some comfy clothes. I glance one more time at the screen before heading to see what Jessy’s up to.

  After hanging in Jessy’s room for a bit, I decide to call it a night. I need sleep. Climbing into bed, I reach for my phone and see a text message from Landon.

  Good, I’d like to fully explain. Can we meet tomorrow?

  Tomorrow is fine. Where?

  Is the park by the river okay?

  Yes

  Good

  As I go to put my phone on the nightstand another text comes through. It’s another from Landon.

  I can’t wait to see you Evie.

  Well, I wasn’t expecting that.

  Chapter 15

  The moment I agreed to meet Landon, my nerves kicked it up a notch. Stay cool, I tell myself looking in the mirror. I shrug, giving myself the once over. I walk out of my room and hear the faint sound of music coming from down the hall. Coming up to Jessy’s door I knock once and enter.

  “Hey Jess,” I pause before continuing. “Does my outfit look all right?”

  Man, I sound like a teenager. I’m dressed in a simple light pink t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

  “You look good. Landon isn’t going to care about what you look like.” She tells me before turning the
music back up. She is listening to A Rocket To The Moon, Like We Used To. The music drifts on as I walk out. I feel the song though. I feel it in my bones. It makes me realize how much I miss Landon.

  The park by the river is gorgeous. It’s known for its lush landscapes and scenery. I stare out at the lake, it almost gives me a sense of peace. It’s a feeling that’s short lived though as I spot Landon walking in my direction. He gives a wave and continues towards me. I smile. He looks good. His hair is styled just the way I like it and he’s wearing dark jeans with a plain black shirt, simple, yet so sexy. My thoughts become a jumbled mess while watching him walk closer and closer.

  “Hey… There.” Landon says to me.

  “Hi,” I reply back, not making eye contact. I feel uncomfortable.

  Landon points to the bench and asks, “May I?”

  “Of course, please.”

  I scoot a bit to make sure he has room. This is awkward, so awkward.

  “How have you been?” Landon asks. He’s starting easy. I can do easy.

  “I’ve been better.” I admit.

  “I guess I’m to blame for that.” He pulls my chin up so that I have no choice but to look him in his eyes. They are full of darkness and turmoil.

  “Partially, Landon”.

  There is nothing happy about our current situation, but seeing the look on Landon’s face is nearly breaking my heart.

  “So tell me.” I don’t need to explain further. He knows what I’m wanting to know, what I need to know.

  “Ya, Listen before I start, I need you to know that I had no intentions of ever hurting you.” Landon sucks in a breath, “I do web designs. That wasn’t a lie. I’m also a private investigator. I take on a handful of clients a year. It’s not something I voice.”

  I arch my eyebrow while looking at him. I feel myself becoming slightly annoyed.