“It’s fine, I should have said something,” Amber conceded.
The heat from the fire was lovely, and the warmth of Emilia’s arm behind her was so soothing.
“I should have noticed,” Emilia said. “Tomorrow we will do something indoors.”
“Thank you, I’d appreciate that,” Amber said.
“You are silly,” Emilia said kindly. “You should have said something.”
Amber knew it was true, but she suffered through it because she didn’t want to ruin the walk. Anyway, by the time she realised she was bitterly cold and in real trouble, they were miles away from the house.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Emilia squeezed her shoulder tightly. “No need to apologise. I’m just glad you’re okay now. Are you feeling warmer?”
“Much.” Amber turned her face towards the flames. Because she’d been so cold for so long, she knew it would take a while for the warmth to circulate within her body. Sitting in front of the fire felt lovely. She relished the scorching heat on her cold face.
She leaned a little into Emilia’s half-hug. It felt nice to be held, she couldn’t remember the last time she had sat and just enjoyed a fire with someone.
“We will do something inside tomorrow, I promise.” Emilia’s hand softly rubbed up and down her arm.
The movement was hypnotic. Amber felt a different kind of heat building within her. Her last relationship had been months ago. Her recent stress at work was not exactly conducive to dating. She’d always been tactile, but she was only now realising how much she had missed the touch of another person.
Emilia smelt of simple, pure scents like vanilla. Nothing like the complex perfume that Amber wore.
Meanwhile, Emilia remained in her own world. “We can spend this time reading,” Emilia said.
Suddenly the warmth of her body was missing, and Amber missed it instantly. She turned and watched as Emilia walked over to a bookshelf and started to pull out a few books.
“I can show you the original Lund collection,” Emilia said. “Or some of the highlights, anyway.”
She returned the sofa. Amber wished she would sit thigh to thigh with her as she had done before, but she didn’t. The gap between them was now filled with books. Emilia handled them as if they were made of fine china, opening them up and showing Amber the artwork.
Emilia was fully immersed in the beauty of the art within the books, excitedly showing Amber image after image. She explained the history behind them and shared stories her grandmother had told her of the origins of them all.
The drawings were nice enough, but Amber knew they wouldn’t appeal to modern-day audiences. One of the first things publishing houses did to rejuvenate children’s books was to create new imagery.
It was obvious that wasn’t going to fly with Emilia. She was completely head over heels with the original books, including the art.
Amber considered that it was just another way that Emilia was stuck in time. She preferred the original everything. In some ways it was adorable, in others it was problematic.
“How’s your Swedish?” Emilia asked with a cheeky grin as she opened one of the books.
“Terrible,” Amber replied.
“Would you like to learn some?”
I’d like you to sit closer, Amber thought. She knew it wasn’t just the body heat that she missed, but she pushed that particular feeling down. Emilia was being so sweet and kind. She didn’t need Amber being inappropriate and turning a kind gesture into something it wasn’t.
“I’ll try, but I warn you… it’s not my strength,” Amber said.
Emilia grabbed the books that were sandwiched between them and placed them on the coffee table. She shuffled up so she was right beside Amber, nudging the crocheted blanket so she was also underneath it.
“Well, I’m a great teacher.” Emilia placed the book on their laps.
Amber inhaled her scent again. Is it perfume, or just soap? Or her natural scent? Does anyone naturally smell of vanilla?
“This was my mother’s favourite book,” Emilia continued, unaware of Amber’s distraction.
“And now you’re going to let me ruin it for you?” Amber chuckled.
“No! I have faith in you,” Emilia promised. “Are you warm enough? Should I get you some hot chocolate before we start?”
Amber couldn’t remember the last time someone wanted to look after her like that. Probably when she was a child. Hot chocolate, an open fire, and a warm blanket sounded amazing, but she had no interest in Emilia leaving her again.
She shook her head. “I’m good. Let’s learn some Swedish.”
18
An Accidental Sighting
Emilia locked the front door and then switched off the lights as she walked towards the stairs to go up to bed. It had been a wonderful evening, but she was still kicking herself for not realising that Amber had been having such a terrible time during the day.
She should have realised that someone not used to long walks in freezing temperatures would suffer. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Amber wouldn’t be used to the cold. Now she realised that Amber’s one-word answers and complete silence were simply because she was too cold to speak.
“Vad jag är dum,” she mumbled to herself.
She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t even taken the time to check with Amber that she would want to go on an hours-long walk out in the snow. She’d just assumed that she would because Emilia was such a fan of it. Also, because she wanted to show off her favourite place in the world to her new friend.
The cold and persistent wind, along with the wet snow and the generally cold temperatures, had affected Amber greatly. The moment Emilia’s fingers touched her cheek she had realised how badly. If it was just a usual chill, Amber would have warmed up following her shower and their eating dinner, but she hadn’t and was cold to the touch.
Emilia had felt awful, as if she had broken her new friend. She felt like a child on Christmas morning who had received and subsequently wrecked her present.
She climbed the stairs, turning off the hallway light and stepping into the darkness of her bedroom. Directly opposite was the guesthouse bedroom. Unintentionally, she looked up and saw Amber pulling off her top as she prepared for bed.
Emilia fell to the floor in her haste to not be caught looking. Although, it was an accident. It wasn’t her fault that Amber’s light was on, that her bedroom was directly opposite, and that she’d walked in just at the moment she was exposing herself.
She crawled along the floor towards the window. Grabbing the edge of the curtain, she flicked her wrist to try to drag it closed. After a few unsuccessful attempts, she finally succeeded.
She let out a relieved breath and sat with her back to the radiator. Now she just had to hope that Amber hadn’t seen her. Surely she hadn’t? Emilia hadn’t had the chance to turn a light on, so the room would have been dark.
She placed the back of her hand to her cheek, surprised to find it was hot. She assumed it was from the panic and from crawling across the floor.
Blinking a few times to clear the sight of Amber’s bra from her vision, she tried to think of what they could do the next day. Nothing came immediately to mind. Most of the things she enjoyed were outside in nature.
If she were to prove to Hugo that she was able to make friends—and not make them miserable and cold—she needed to think outside the box.
She got to her feet, checked the curtains were fully closed, and then turned on a light. Conversations with Amber raced through her mind as she tried to recall things she enjoyed.
Evidently, she’d made an error in assuming that Amber would appreciate all the things that she did. It seemed so obvious now: friendships were about give and take. And people were very different from each other. She needed to consider Amber’s likes and dislikes.
Shopping, she thought.
Amber had mentioned more than once that she enjoyed going shopping with her friends. They would meet at a large s
hopping mall and stroll around for hours, eating lunch and chatting as they went.
Emilia shivered at the thought. She’d been to one of the city malls a couple of times when she really needed to buy something that she couldn’t get from town. It was often crowded, overly bright, and very loud. All the things she hated most.
But she knew it would make Amber happy and would keep her warm. They couldn’t very well snuggle up on the sofa in front of the fire every night, even if she had enjoyed it. It had probably been hellish for Amber considering how cold she’d been.
She made up her mind. They’d go to the mall. It wasn’t her thing, but friendship meant compromise and she wanted to prove to both Amber and Hugo that she could do that.
She hoped that she was making progress on that front. Thankfully, the dreaded topic of the contract had only been brought up a couple of times during the day. Both times she had managed to push the subject aside with relative ease.
As time went by, she knew she was making it harder and harder to admit that she had no intention of ever talking about business with Amber, but she comforted herself in the knowledge that, hopefully, Amber’s goals were changing from business to friendship.
19
Shopping
The timid knock on the front door caused Amber to look up from her book. As much as she hated being offline, she had to admit that the unexpected free time meant she had torn through the paperback she had brought for the plane journey. Another evening and she’d have finished it.
Emilia stood on the porch outside, looking at her through the window in the door and giving her a wave.
Amber quickly walked over and let the woman in.
“Good morning,” Emilia greeted.
“Hi, I didn’t know if you were up yet,” Amber admitted. “I was just getting some coffee and catching up on some reading. Can I get you a cup?”
“Yes, that would be nice. Thank you.” Emilia removed her loosely tied scarf and hung it on one of the hooks by the door.
Amber pulled another cup from the shelf by the coffee machine and placed it by the empty one she had previously fetched for herself. She’d put the filter coffee on a while ago but had then got so caught up in her book that she had completely forgotten about it.
Suddenly, she remembered why she had forgotten about the coffee. The romantic element in her novel was coming to a rather intense conclusion. She spun around just as Emilia was picking up the book and looking at the back cover with interest.
“It’s… for work,” Amber said. She placed the coffee cups on the table.
“I thought you only worked with children’s books?”
“I… do.”
“This is a romance book. A lesbian romance book.”
Amber’s heart felt like it had stopped. Emilia was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read. Amber resisted the urge to snatch the book out of her hands and deny its existence.
“It’s… for a colleague. At work.”
Emilia turned the paperback over. “This is a Walker Clay book?”
Amber knew for a fact that it was a self-published book. She also knew that her lie was rapidly unravelling.
“Okay, it’s not for work. It’s a guilty pleasure.” She laughed lightly, trying to defuse the situation.
“Are you a lesbian?” Emilia asked, her face still neutral, completely unreadable to Amber.
This is what you wanted, she reminded herself. To be honest about your sexuality. Now’s the time.
“I’m bisexual,” she confessed quietly.
“Is there much bisexual fiction?” Emilia looked at the book with interest.
“Not really. There’s M/M and F/F. Many have bisexual characters but not a lot on the bisexual category itself…” She trailed off. She was about to go into far too much explanation of her guilty-pleasure reading habits.
“That makes sense.” Emilia put the book down and picked up the coffee cup. “So, I was thinking today we could go to the shopping mall, if that is something you would like? It will be inside and warm, and you can see some of our shops. We can eat out, which you’re a fan of.” She winked cheekily.
Amber’s head was spinning. Emilia seemingly had nothing to say about her bisexuality or her choice in reading matter. Which was, of course, wonderful. But it left her wondering what Emilia’s thoughts on the subject were.
Not that she was about to quiz her, but she did need to know more.
“You’re okay with me being…”
Emilia looked endearingly perplexed. “Being?”
“Bisexual.”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Emilia asked. She put the book down on the table and pointed to the cup of coffee still sat on the kitchen counter. “Is that for me?”
“Um. Yes, yes…” She turned and picked up the mug, handing it over. “Sorry.”
“Thank you. So, do you want to go shopping?”
Amber was still trying to process how someone with such old-fashioned views in some ways could also not bat an eyelash at the news she was bisexual. She wondered if she was misreading Emilia, if she was bothered by the fact but was keeping a lid on her emotions. But that wasn’t really like her at all. Emilia seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve. Maybe she was honestly not concerned about Amber’s sexuality.
“Amber?” Emilia asked, drawing her attention again. “Do you want to go shopping?”
Amber shook the cobwebs from her mind.
“Yes… that sounds great.” She narrowed her eyes. “But you don’t seem to be much of a shopping person?”
Emilia shrugged. “I like shopping.”
Amber didn’t believe her for one moment, but she appreciated the gesture. And she wasn’t about to look the gift horse of indoor warmth in the mouth.
“Great. That sounds like fun.” Amber was already salivating at the prospect of having some connectivity on her phone. She could check her messages and download some entertainment to keep her going for the next few days. She already knew that her paperback wasn’t about to last her much longer, grabbing a few ebooks from the cloud would be essential.
“Good. I’ll call a taxi to take us there,” Emilia said.
Amber pointed out of the window towards the hire car. “Or I can drive us?”
“I…” Emilia trailed off as she looked out at the car. “Yes, okay.”
It was obvious that something was wrong, but Amber couldn’t figure out what. Before she had a chance to say anything else, Emilia was on her feet.
“I’ll leave you to get ready. Shall we leave in around thirty minutes?”
“Whenever you’re ready; I’m just reading,” Amber admitted.
Emilia smiled and picked up the book again. “I like romance stories; do you recommend this one?”
Amber’s face heated at the racy sex scene she’d just read. Twice.
“It’s… good,” she said half-heartedly. She wasn’t sure if it was something Emilia would be interested in. She couldn’t picture Emilia reading raunchy books, but then again, she didn’t know her well enough to say that. For all she knew, Emilia might have an entire bookcase dedicated to erotica, but Amber would bet heavily that Emilia didn’t read lesbian romance.
“Maybe I will borrow it from you?” Emilia asked.
Maybe I’m wrong, Amber thought. She slowly nodded her head, not knowing what else to say.
Amber pulled the car into the parking space and yanked up the handbrake. She averted her eyes as Emilia peeled her fingers away from the seat. As she had pretended to not notice that she’d maintained that particular death grip for the entire journey.
Emilia was obviously not a fan of being a passenger. No wonder she walked or cycled everywhere. She wondered if Emilia usually put her faith in a specific taxi driver, one with whom she felt comfortable.
Amber placed her bag in her lap. She flipped down the visor and started to reapply her lipstick. It didn’t need to be done, but she suspected that Emilia needed a few moments to compose herself.
&nb
sp; She was by no means a fast driver. In fact, she had driven deliberately slowly and carefully the entire way. That hadn’t prevented Emilia’s rapid, shallow breathing and tight grasp on the leather seat.
Amber didn’t know if the fear was caused by being out, being in a car, or the prospect of going into a busy shopping centre.
Or possibly all three.
She decided to keep a close eye on Emilia to be sure she wasn’t sacrificing too much in order to appease her. It was strange how the tables had turned—just the day before she was happily ignoring her own wishes to keep Emilia happy. Now Emilia was doing the same for her. The difference being that Amber had simply felt cold and miserable, while Emilia’s usual healthy complexion had gone decidedly pale.
“Is there anything specific you want to look for?” she asked casually.
“Um. No… I… just looking around is fine.” Emilia looked around the brightly lit underground car park as if she were in a rough neighbourhood.
“Great, we’ll keep it nice and light and simple then. Just a stroll around and see what we see.”
They exited the car and walked through the large car park towards the central escalators that took them up into the middle of the mall.
Amber was used to large shopping centres from London and expected something much smaller. To her surprise, the mall was enormous. Three levels spread as far as she could see in all directions. The building had modern Swedish architectural style, with lots of light colours and glass.
Just like any other city mall close to the Christmas season, it was packed with people. As the escalator carried them to the next level of the centre, Amber turned around to get a subtle look at her companion.
Emilia’s eyes darted around, and she worried her lip. It was painfully obvious that she was skirting close to a possible panic attack.
“I think we should stop in a nice, quiet coffee shop first,” Amber suggested.
Emilia nodded. Amber wasn’t sure she’d even heard her or registered what she’d said.
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