by Bob Dattolo
Samantha sniffed and tilted her head, “It’s like you want everyone to literally hate you.”
I stood and grabbed my tray, “You know what? I’m done. I don’t…I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“You have to.”
“Smell my fucking scent!” My skin roiled as I moved to her table and rammed my fist partially through her table. “Smell my fucking arm!” She didn’t move. “I don’t know what the fuck is happening! I don’t have a fucking clue what’s happening right now. What’s been happening. For fucking days! Now I have Levi acting like I said something so fucking horrifying, when I don’t have a clue what I said that would make him freak!” My skin roiled more.
“What did you say, you fucking stricken whore!”
The bleeding in my hand stopped as I pulled my hand out and turned back to Levi, “Levi? Keep your fucking crazy to yourself. I’ve tried so fucking hard to fit in, at least as much as possible. All I want to do is make it through this nightmare and get the fuck out of here. That’s it. That’s all. You decided that I’m an easy target from the moment I walked in here. I get it. I do. Bullies exist. I had no expectation that people wouldn’t hate me, but I kinda hoped some would see past the fact that someone else did something to me. I thought I was building that, but…apparently not.”
I looked across everyone else, “I haven’t really spoken to most of you. I’m willing to be allies and work with anyone that is willing to work with me. If you’re weak and you want to get together? I’m here. I’ll try to protect you if I can. Even if you just want to hide behind me or whatever. I just…I don’t care. I just want to get the fuck out of here.”
The same voice from class spoke up, “You really do want to kill us. Unbelievable.” Then, as if they coordinated it, every other table here got up and turned around, putting their backs to me.
Shane laughed from Levi’s table, “So fucking stupid.”
“What did you say about El and Annie?!?” Levi’s voice dropped down to nearly a whisper, but his skin still roiled. If anything, even more than it had been.
Samantha’s table chose that moment to get up and turn away from me, followed by Levi’s table, leaving me with only Levi facing me in the entire caf.
“Samantha? If you think I have a clue what’s going on right now? You’re grossly mistaken.”
Levi’s growling and group laughter followed me out as the door closed behind me. They didn’t start laughing until I was outside, further adding to everything.
What the fuck just happened? None of that made sense. None of it. I didn’t say anything to him that should have set him off like that. I wasn’t biting. I’m not sure how you could get a reaction from someone when you sound and smell like I do. Not at all.
I’ve tried to get that reaction from him and failed more times than I can count, so having it happen out of the blue like that?
And the rest of the class? I want to kill them? Nothing I’ve said or done should give them that idea. Nothing. Yet they all turned away from me. All of them. Like they worked it out ahead of time. Yet it means something to me. I don’t think it should, but it does. They…they condemned me. As a group, they turned away. I’m an outcast. I was one to begin with, but at least I was part of them. What they just did? To the dragon part of me, that means I’m no longer part of the group at all. I’m an outsider.
Like Levi and the others said, I’m prey.
Just a walking, talking power source. A pussy for fucking. A battery for draining.
Despair tore through me even more than before, filling me. Top to bottom, edge to edge, it was all despair. Something I never even felt when I was a pet. When Reggie would ask me to do humiliating things. Or things that should be humiliating. When he’d demand that I spend time with his friends. When he’d let them beat me. Do things to me. I never felt despair like this. I couldn’t. That wasn’t part of the deal. I was his wiling pet, that meant that I had to prove it. Walk into those situations happily. Taking part in it. Begging when they wanted me to beg. Crying when they wanted me to cry. Screaming when they wanted me to scream. All of it.
Yet this? This pushed me right up to and then over the edge.
Lunch ended and the next period started, and I couldn’t bother to go to class. Why should I? To feel their stares? Smell their hatred? I got enough of that in the hallway as kids moved to their classes, I can’t…I can’t do that.
Somehow, I ended up being near the dragon rooms when the last period started. Instead of continuing on, I wandered in and sat on the floor against the wall. My mental numbness enveloped me as people started flowing in.
Ms. Pierce, the bronze dragon that teaches the class, called everyone to order. They had been staring at me and making various comments that I didn’t bother trying to decipher. They’re a sort of mumbled mess in my head even though I could hear them clearly. What she said made a little sense, so I wasn’t shocked to have people start undressing and shifting. I just couldn’t bring myself to care.
That left me the only human in the class maybe a minute later as her voice rose.
Maybe I really should just end it? Let someone kill me? Drain me? If it’d be painless, maybe…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? I don’t fear death, but I fear the act of it. I’ve come so freaking close too many times in my life that I don’t want to do it again if I can help it. Yet seriously, maybe that would be better? A bit of pain and then…nothingness?
Magic built that started to pull me from my despair, then it lanced in, sending waves of pain through me. The sudden onslaught of pain pulled me out more, and I heard Ms. Pierce demanding that I shift. I need to learn what it means to be one of us, and I need to let my dragon out.
The rest of the class was in a huge arc behind her, all laughing as her spell tore into me.
I didn’t scream or overly react.
That realization seemed to get to her, because that’s when her spells started going off one after another. More pain hit me. Different types of pain. Crushing pressure. Limbs being contorted. You name it, she hit me with it. When nothing caused me to shift, metal started forming in mid-air, all in a bronze color. No part of me cared enough to move, even when they lanced into me and pinned me to the wall where I had been sitting. One in each shoulder. One in my left arm. One in my stomach. Two in my thighs, rammed into the floor.
The intense pain pulled me out more, just not enough to shatter the cloud around me. I so badly wanted to ask her why she did that, but it’s not worth it. I know why she did it. I’m a stricken. I wasn’t listening to her. That means she can do whatever she wants to me without repercussion. Without anyone trying to stop her.
Hell, the rest of the class was laughing at me like it’s the best thing they ever saw.
Except Parece and Samantha and Angelica. Angelica is on the left of the huge arc, with the other two off on the right, but those three out of all of them are the only ones taking part but not seeming to mean it. I just don’t understand what it means.
Ms. Pierce kept the pain hitting me as she got the rest of the class turned and began working them through their paces. That lasted maybe 20 minutes before she had them launching and flying, then making them do some intricate flying maneuvers.
On another day, that would have been interesting to me. I can feel it. I want to learn to fly. I really do. Yet…does it really matter any longer? It’s Monday afternoon. Wednesday comes in less than 36 hours, putting the start of the trial at something like 40 hours away. One more full day to go. Possibly my last Tuesday ever.
More despair flowed in at that thought as I sat and bled, staring down at the jagged lances of metal rammed into me.
In their mind, I deserve this simply because I’m alive. Because I exist. Simply being me is enough of a reason for them to do this.
No one should be raised believing something like that. Thinking that someone different only deserves death or misery for the sole reason because they’re not like them.
Yet here we are.
I have no idea what was being yelled behind me as I headed for the door. The pain spell that had been hitting me the entire time jacked up higher, nearly making me pause my walk, so I grabbed for it and crushed it without really planning what I was doing.
More yelling behind me.
I just don’t care.
Chapter 33
I’m not sure who found me in my room. By the time it happened, tears were running thick down my face and clogging my nose, making it impossible to smell who was there. I could feel that it was more than one person, but that’s it. I didn’t bother opening my eyes to see them. I’d rather not see my death coming, thank you very much.
Instead, I sat in the corner on the floor, legs pulled up with my arms wrapped around them and my head down.
This isn’t worth it. It’s really not. I swear, something has changed somewhere in the matrix. I feel like I’m an entirely different track, yet I didn’t change tracks. They changed on me. Somehow. Without me realizing it. I was there. Now I’m here.
Voices tried to get through the despair and melancholy, but they didn’t register. Dragon power flowed at me but was unable to get a response. Touches. Hits.
None of it beat through the armor of depression that had settled over me. It’s just not…none of it’s worth it.
Eventually, they stopped. I don’t know when they left, but they did. At some point.
Hunger drove me up from my little nest of mental agony. It’s crushing me from the inside, adding to the misery filling me.
That’s the only thing left to me. Basically. Food. Then one more day.
Then I become prey.
The haze and static in my head created a cone of silence around me that blocked out all of the voices almost entirely. They came through as a faint droning sound that I didn’t even realize was people talking until I was done eating. When I had gotten my food and looked back at the tables, every table was taken. All of the groups split up so that someone was sitting at every table. And you don’t sit with others unless you’re invited or are willing to ask.
Even Kynal and Gage did the same thing.
So I sat on the floor and chewed…I don’t even know what I put on my plate, although I know it was food.
It took four kids dumping their leftovers on me for me to realize it was happening. Instead of fighting back, I just blinked at them as they lined up and did it. One by one.
I smell Kaylee in the mix, but I don’t think she approached. I didn’t see her at the tables earlier…that I recall. I’m just not sure I’d be able to tell if she had been there or not.
A mass of food and liquid coated me when they were done. Two tables of people were left, looking like they joined back up again, except I can’t see who they are. I can’t hear what they’re saying. The fog in my brain is too much to bother fighting through. It really is.
They’re still there when I push myself up and drift from the space, not bothering to clean myself off.
Chapter 34
Sleep didn’t come through the night. It wasn’t worth returning to my room after dinner, so I wandered outside. I know others came near me, I just…don’t know who they were or what they said. If anything.
Once I was done wandering, I sat against a tree and stared around me, wondering when someone would come find me and end it. It has to be soon, right?
Stupid, inconsiderate murderers. They can never work on your schedule.
The caf had more people in it than I remember seeing for breakfast when I found my way to it. Looking at the clock tells me it’s…some time or other.
The person behind the counter doesn’t want to serve me, or so it seems. It takes me reaching across and simply stacking food on my tray and wandering away to get something. I can’t make out the tables clearly, so I don’t bother trying to find a non-existent empty one before sitting against the wall again.
That’s the point that I realize I still have food all over me. And dirt. And leaves.
And I don’t care.
My tray doesn’t have a plate on it. Just food. Raw food. I can’t count them, but there are…at least a dozen raw eggs. Raw bacon. Raw sausage.
My stomach doesn’t care.
Nor does it care that the leaves and dirt on me keep falling onto it or that my hands are filthy. I can taste the grit in my mouth as I crunch each egg and eat it, swallowing the thick liquid down. The bacon pulls and tears as I chew it, swallowing that as well.
Until it’s done. No one came and left their food on me, so…that’s a plus? That is a plus, right?
Somehow, everyone was in basic magic when I arrived. Without being able to tell what time it is, it’s hard to say how early I am. Or late, maybe, since Mr. Briggs is in front of the room talking? Laughter and comments greet me that I can’t really work through as I drop my book on the floor and drift out.
No one was in the combined English, history, and social studies class when I did the same there.
That started more wandering. More comments from people, creating more droning and static around me. It’s like I’m in a cocoon of it at this point. Despair and static. They’re my new home. I have an estate. 10,000 square feet of opulence on 500 acres in Despairland on Static Lane.
One resident.
Me.
Mr. Bailey tried to stop me from walking into the class when I arrived. I’m not sure why he was waiting for me, but me appearing caused him to yell and hit me with spells that I didn’t quite register. Instead of bothering, I pushed my way through him and his array of spells lashing at me and dropped my book on the floor again.
At which point he tried to stop me from leaving.
He resorted to physically hitting me to stop me, leaving me staring at him and wondering what he’s saying.
The more I stared, the angrier he got. The more spells he’d hit me with. The more he’d hit me.
Until the bell rang.
I heard that much.
That’s the first clear noise to really cut through the chaos in my brain. Not that it pulled me out. Not even close. It was just a hiccup that focused my eyes the tiniest bit.
My mouth was filled with blood and shattered teeth. I can taste that. Feel that. My face feels damaged. My legs are broken where they’re encased in ice, but my body has been wrenched back and forth against them.
Mr. Bailey is towering over me as he straight kicks me again and again, breaking my ribs and sending more blood from my mouth.
I swear I heard a bell. Didn’t I? Wasn’t that the bell and the end of class?
My magic swells and goes to work, healing my shattered teeth and broken bones in an avalanche of pain. My bones healing literally stood me up from where I had flopped, the ice acting as braces for my legs as I focused, just a little, on Mr. Bailey. His next kick froze as I flexed my legs and shattered the mass of ice.
At that point, he didn’t stop me from leaving.
No one was in the hall near me. They created this weird buffer of space around me that didn’t make sense. Instead of trying to get it to do that, I just continued on. My stomach is demanding food, and it wants it now. Right now.
So why would I keep it from that? Lunch the day before the trial? This could be my last lunch. Ever.
The caf doesn’t make sense to me when I reach it. It’s like the animal part of my brain is taking over, making something as simple as understanding seating and tables like teaching string theory to puppies.
I know these things have to do with sitting. Eating. I’m just not sure how. They’re…obstacles. That’s all they are. They’re in the way.
These people around me? They’re…I know they’re not friends. I can tell that. I can smell it. I just don’t…I hear things. Buzzing. Muted rumblings from them. They just don’t register as being important.
Food’s important.
So I get it, standing and eating as I watch the movement around me. The odd staticky silence in my head keeps growing with each swallow, and I rather like it. It covers the pain. The fear. The others that I so desperately wanted to connect with, at least a little, and never quite managed to do.
Back in the space that smells like me, I can’t quite remember what just happened. There were dragons at one point, right? I’m just not sure. I know there was pain involved, but…I don’t know what it was.
I’m in my space.
Seeing everything in the smaller area makes me wonder what it all is. I can’t tell. The stuff in here smells like me, just not completely. Like I haven’t touched it a lot. I’m not sure why I’d touch shredded stuff, but…I have at some point. I just don’t remember it.
It’s not worth thinking about as I slide back into the corner that smells more like me. As the waves of fear rise, tears happen again, further making it harder to see. Harder to smell.
Harder to care.
Chapter 35
Pain pushed me to my feet again, where everything swayed and swirled around me. There are moving things here with me, except I can’t tell what they are. Are they…what are they? I’m in my space, and I don’t remember things moving in here.
Except the ones that threw me away. The ones that…that hurt me.
Is this them?
If they are, then they need to step up and end it. They need to stop the pain from filling me and take me away from this. They really need to get on the damn ball and do their part.
So freaking inconsiderate.
The world around me…the color’s leached out. I swear everything was more vibrant at one point. I can’t remember when, though. Or what they looked like.
