by C. A. Harms
“Yes!” The word flew from my mouth in a rush and she laughed. I felt like a little girl all over again. “I would love that!” She seemed pleased. “I’ve missed having you in my life.”
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.”
The letters and the birthday cards were nice, but they weren’t enough. This, having her here, this was right. This was a huge piece of what I had been missing for so long. Someone to talk to, someone to lean on, someone who would be on my side, no matter what.
“Here’s my number.” Vera held out a card. “You call me, we’ll have lunch, I can show you my new place. Are you still interested in medical research?”
I was, so much, but getting into the fact that my father thought I’d be better suited to follow his path was something I didn’t have time for. So for now I simply nodded my head and found the pleased look on her face a huge boost for my confidence.
We shared another hug, then she walked off in one direction and Darcy and I in another. A newfound spirit returned, one I thought I’d never feel again.
“So what’s next?”
I reached out and snatched the list from Darcy. “Let me have a look.” Suddenly the items didn’t feel so intimidating. I was a young woman, one who had been trapped and forced to be someone she wasn’t. It was time to free my self and start living my own life, for me.
7. Pick out my favorite nail polish and forget it landed in my handbag while tossing it in the cart. (Shh, it’s not stealing if it’s an accident.)
Chapter Seven
Jay
“Are you still coming?”
“Only because you’re forcing me to.” If it weren’t for my sister I would avoid any true contact with my father. A ding on my phone notified me that I’d just gotten activity on my account was good enough. His attempt at Father of the Year deposits were what he felt it took to be a great dad.
Jade still held hope that one day he’d wake up and be there for the both of us. That alone pissed me off because my sister deserved more. I think the absence of our parents was the number one reason why she continued to chase the wrong kind of men. She was searching for something she was never gonna find.
“Do you really think he’s gonna show?” I hated to lay doubt in her mind, but the truth was it was almost a given that he would stand us up. We’d arrive at the restaurant, wait for about ten minutes before deciding to go on and order an appetizer. More time would pass, I’d grow agitated, Jade would try to calm me with some nonsense conversation. Stories that I’d most likely heard before. Whatever she could offer as a distraction. Then he’d message her, not me. Never me. He’d assure her that he’d been caught up in an unavoidable task and that he’s sorry he would have to reschedule. Then we would both have a little extra money appear in our accounts to keep us satisfied, so to speak. It was getting harder and harder not to seek him out and show him just how dissatisfied I truly was. But I held my cool for Jade.
“He said he’s already on the way here.” I found that hard to believe and something I had also heard before.
“I’ll be there in fifteen to pick you up.”
I spent a few extra minutes sitting in my truck, trying my best not to dial his number and leave a message about how it would be in his best interest to show tonight and not to fuck over his daughter like he had her entire life. I gave up caring a long time ago. I didn’t need my father, I didn’t want him in my life. Forgiveness for all the bullshit he’d fed us over the years was long gone. The ship had sailed and it had sunk to the deepest fucking depths of the sea.
On the drive over, I did my best to put on a happy smile. Jade was waiting outside, her phone in hand, and by the look on her face I knew it had already happened. He’d already canceled.
Stepping up to the side of my truck, she held out her phone and gave it a little shake. “At least he didn’t leave us sitting somewhere waiting for over an hour before breaking the news.” I could tell she was hiding her disappointment. Jade was slightly older than me, by less than two years. She and I have always been close and I had a hard time not wanting to protect her. When she hurt it pissed me off, and the truth was she had been hurt a lot. Not just by my father but by every guy she’s been with. She was a magnet for douches.
“Burgers?” I give her a little nod of my head, signaling for her to climb on up.
A slow smile formed on her lips. “And shakes?”
There was one thing about my sister though, no matter how many times she’d been knocked down, she always managed to get back up.
“Yeah, and shakes.”
***
After we ate, Jade and I played a round of goofy golf and then I dropped her back at her apartment. I still felt uncomfortable leaving her alone and wished more than anything that she would move closer to me. The place was rundown, and the safety of the surrounding area was still questionable. Though she would ensure me over and over than it was a great place with good neighbors, I still was not convinced.
Pulling up to the house, I noticed that things seemed quiet and I was thankful. Love the guys, honestly, they were the closest things to family I had besides Jade. But sometimes they could be a little much.
Climbing the front steps, I heard a giggle and looked to my left to see Isaac snuggled up in the corner with a blonde. Choosing to ignore their activities, I slipped inside unnoticed and started for the stairs.
“Hot date?”
I almost missed Blake as she rounded the corner wearing a huge t-shirt and socks pulled all the way up to her knees. I had to laugh. I still found it hard to imagine her and Elijah together―I mean she was the size of one of his legs and together they were like night and day. She was pint size.
Wearing his clothes only highlighted the size difference between the two of them.
“I met up with Jade.”
She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. “She’s hot.”
Another thing about Blake was since she met Elijah she had truly come out of her shell. I remember the first time I met her she was so shy and timid. Fuck, now she was right there in the center of all the havoc. The instigator of most of the crazy, and as far as the best pranks, she may truly hold the crown. No one underestimated her, but it never stopped any of us from trying to outwit her.
Note: we all failed miserably at every attempt.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Who’s our target?” A devious smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
“You’re warped,” I said, chuckling as I leaned against the doorframe.
“I wasn’t, until I met all you fools.”
“I think you were always a deviant, you just needed us to awaken the beast.” I dared her to argue but she didn’t, instead she waited for me to continue. For a few seconds I wondered if I should just keep my troubles to myself but if anyone knew about shitty parents, it was Blake.
“Can I ask you something?” Normally that would trigger a smart ass comment, an opening for a dig on her part. But instead she gave me nothing more than a simple nod. My face must have expressed that I was completely serious. “I know that during all that shit with your mom, you played it off.” Blake leaned back against the railing of the stairs and crossed her arms over her chest. I didn’t want to bring up the shit of her past but truth was I didn’t know who else to ask. “On the outside it was almost like nothing was happening, like your life didn’t suck ass.”
A small smile tugged at her lips and I felt relief that I had not brought up things that would get my ass kicked by Elijah.
“I worry about Jade.” My heart ached. “Our father is an ass, pretends to care but in reality he looks at us like we’re disposable. Toss some money our way and it makes all the disappointments okay. Our mom, she’s worthless.” That did not even begin to describe her. “She insists that she’s okay. But how do I know? How do I see when she’s not?”
The one thing I didn’t see in Blake’s eyes was pity. That alone was the biggest reason why I’d chosen not to share my life a
nd my turmoils. But all I saw when she looked at me was understanding.
“Jade is tough.” I knew this. “But you’re right, she won’t admit when she’s hit bottom and she won’t admit when things have gotten to her. That’s because she’s doing the same thing for you that you are doing for her. She’s staying strong. Maybe it’s time you share your feelings with her just as she should share hers with you. You have something I never had. You have someone who knows exactly what you’re going through and have gone through for years. Accept that and lean on each other.”
I let her words sink in.
“I’ll be the first to tell you that having someone to lean on is a hell of a lot better than being on your own, feeling lonely, and even scared. It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that.”
Chapter Eight
Ruby
“I can’t believe how grown up you are.” Vera rounded the small table we sat at in the corner of Starbucks and placed a coffee before us both. “You look just like she did in college.”
My eyes clouded with tears as I thought back to the days when my mother was alive and vibrant. I wished I’d known her then, before my father. Granted, she showered me with love daily but I know that there was always a part of her that held back. My father despised chaos and unpredictability.
“So law?” I instantly shied away and Vera knew me well enough to detect what my avoidance of the topic meant. “I will never understand that man and his need to control everyone and everything around him.”
Me neither.
“I remember him and your mother butting heads almost daily. Something as simple as what they would have for dinner or what the thermostat should be set on for the summer. It was so hard to bite my tongue, which is why I kept my distance on most days. I only managed to set him off more.”
“Which is exactly why when I left this morning and he asked me my plans, I left out the part where I was meeting you for coffee.”
She didn’t look hurt, or even surprised by my declaration.
“Your father knows I’m here.” Repositioning herself on her chair, she rested her elbows on the table and curled her hands around the base of the cup. “I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you.” There was a sadness in her eyes as she stared down at her hands, avoiding eye contact. “I think you should tell him that you’ve no interest in pursuing law and that you have your own dreams.”
I laughed sarcastically, shaking my head in disbelief. “Yeah, sure, I’ll take care of that tonight.” Was she insane? Telling my father anything was impossible. He didn’t listen. It was his way, there was no other way in his eyes.
“So you’re going to allow him to dictate every single thing in your life, the way he did your mother’s?” This had gone so quickly from light-hearted to serious. I wasn’t sure I was ready to take on this topic. Somehow avoiding it, ignoring that every day I felt this large lump form in my stomach the very second I stepped inside any of my classrooms made the impending future easier to accept.
“I would hate to see you live a life you hate, Ruby.” Lifting my gaze, I was met with her penetrating stare. “I know your mother would have wanted you to do all the things you loved. She’d want you to experience life, make mistakes, and learn from them. She wouldn’t want you to be forced to be someone you’re not.”
Vera and my mother were so close, more like sisters than friends. They shared everything, and I knew if anyone understood the kind of mother mine was it was her. She fought for me from early on, ensuring that I lived out all the dreams a little girl could. The fairy princesses, the dance lessons, and midnight cookies and milk. All the things my father thought were simply a waste, she made sure I experienced them. I lost that fearfulness, that desire to dream when I lost her. I became the person he wanted me to be because it was easier than fighting him at every turn.
“So enough about all that.” I was immediately thankful for the instant detour. “Anyone special you want to tell me all about?”
“Nope.” How sad was it that I was a college student who had never really had a date?
“Oh Ruby, you need to get out there and meet people.” Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I looked downward. “You aren’t going to have any true fun hiding in libraries and classrooms.”
“Now you sound like Darcy.”
“The girl you were with the other day?” Nodding, I still avoided her gaze. “She looked like one who knows how girls your age should be living.” If only she truly knew how well lived Darcy was. That girl had no boundaries, she was not quiet about it, either. She did not care what others thought―if you didn’t like her and the way she chose to spend her days and many nights then you could just buzz off.
“When was the last time you had your hair cut?” I feel her lift the edges of my hair and I shy away. “Maybe some highlights.”
Now I do laugh. Simply because a vision of my father, all wide eyed, his face blood red from irritation flashed in my mind. “It’s been awhile.”
“We need to find your inner spirit and set her free.”
I raised my head, locking my eyes with Vera’s, and found not even an ounce of a smile on her face. She was completely serious.
“Now you really do sound just like her.” Reaching in my purse, I pull out the list that Darcy had written. One long red line marked out the one item we’d managed to complete. Shame settles in as I was about to admit that I’d stolen to the one person I felt was the closest connection to my mother. “She insisted on making a list of so-called things she believes I should experience to rescue myself from, well, myself, I guess.”
I watched closely as she took the paper and began scrolling over the items. Nervously picking at the sleeve on my cup, I bounced my foot, fighting the urge to lift my hand to my mouth and start biting my nails. What was I thinking? Why would I show her this? What on earth could she possibly be thinking at this point?
“I have the perfect pair to show off your legs for number one.” I was frozen in place, watching her grow excited over each item. “Two hurts a bit the first time or two, but you’ll get used to it. Three, I love the way this girl thinks. Four, I’ll be the designated driver and place to crash if you need me to be. Five, daring, but again I love it.” I said nothing as she grew more and more interested with each item she read. “Six, you can always give him the wrong number if you don’t really think he’s worthy. Just to eliminate one off the list. But my suggestion is pick one who you’d really like to have take care of number ten for you too. Two birds, one stone.” When she wagged her brows at me, I had no other choice but to laugh. I was seeing a side to Vera I had no idea existed.
“Seven, let me guess―I interrupted that one the other day?” I nodded and she laughed. “I still remember the first time your mother stole, but it was lace panties instead of nail polish. It was on a dare and she owned it without a moment of hesitation. Such a trooper, that one, never a dull moment with your mom in all the years we were friends.”
My sweet mother, no way.
“Your mother got her first tattoo right before we left for college. A heart on her lower stomach, hidden just beneath her bikini line. Mine I went a little bigger, and a little more daring.” Winking at me I chose not to ask for more detail. I was still reeling about my mother having a tattoo.
“Go for the belly button.” Leaning back in my chair, I tried to remember exactly what number nine was. “A nipple just sounds like it would be too painful, and the southern border―” She winced. “I knew a girl who got hers pierced and she literally peed when it happened.”
Looking around, I ensured no one was close enough to overhear as it dawned on me that we were, in fact, discussing the piercing of a clitoris.
“And the intriguing number ten, as I said, could be fulfilled if you choose number six wisely.”
I stared at her, my mouth hanging open, humor dancing in her eyes as she watched me and waited. One thing, a very big thing, dawned on me at that very moment.
Vera was my mother’s Darcy.
And that alone made me feel a little more connected to the woman I lost so long ago.
Chapter Nine
Jay
With my head down staring at my phone, I walked across the lawn toward my truck. The sounds of other students talking and laughing echoed around me.
I was so focused on my sister’s text that I didn’t noticed until it was too late that I’d crossed the path of another. My shoulder collided with someone. I dropped my phone and saw a flash of white. It was a girl, tripping and stumbling, doing her best to keep herself from landing flat on her ass.
Reaching out, I gripped her waist and heard her squeal in surprise. “Calm down, I’m just trying to save you from breaking something.” Righting her, I quickly removed my hands and bent down to gather my phone.
By the time I stood, the girl was already hurrying away. “You’re welcome,” I hollered, shaking my head as I continued on to my truck.
Climbing inside, I hit the button on my phone to wake it.
Jade: Dad stopped by this morning.
Staring at the message, I felt my frustration grow rapidly. I wished he’d just walk away and leave her the hell alone. The yo-yo shit he continued to play with her especially was really pissing me off.
Choosing not to respond, I dialed my father direct and lifted the phone to my ear. On the third ring I was sure it was about to go to voicemail but he picked up and immediately I cringed.
“Son.” A little shuffling could be heard in the background. “How are you doing?”
Part of me wanted to be chilled and just say what I felt but another part knew if I did, he held the advantage. In person would be better, then he’d be forced to listen.
