by Erin Dutton
“Hi, there.” Marti leaned close and slipped her hand onto Jacqueline’s thigh.
“Buy you a drink?” Jacqueline discreetly kissed her cheek, just in front of her ear.
“I think you just did.” Marti straightened but left her hand where it was. “How’s your dad?”
“Can we talk about anything else?” She didn’t want to discuss her concerns about her father’s well-being with Marti. She hadn’t come here to delve that far beneath the surface. She hadn’t lied to Casey so she could have a therapy session with Marti; she needed sex. She covered Marti’s hand and squeezed, seeking the familiar thrill of her touch. “What’s new in the world of aviation?”
“Well, I don’t want to ruin your next trip for you, but we’re no longer giving out peanuts on flights.”
“What? The honey-roasted peanuts are the only reason I fly.” Jacqueline smiled. When the bartender set their drinks in front of them, Jacqueline handed over cash, declining his offer to open a tab.
“We’re not staying long enough.” Marti winked at him and his face flushed. He nodded and turned away with a goofy grin.
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Marti laughed. “He should thank me. He’ll be thinking about us together for the rest of the night.” She angled closer and pulled Jacqueline’s earlobe between her teeth, then whispered, “Especially when he sees us leave together.”
Jacqueline downed the rest of her drink and set the glass back on the bar. “Let’s go.”
Marti looped her arm through Jacqueline’s and led her to the lobby. They entered one of the elevators, and Jacqueline selected the button for her floor.
Minutes later, Jacqueline opened the door to her room and let Marti enter ahead of her.
“What, no suite this time?” Marti teased her as she turned around and trapped Jacqueline against the wall by the door. She bracketed her hands on either side of Jacqueline’s shoulders.
“Sadly, no.” Jacqueline slipped her hand along Marti’s hip.
“Disappointing.”
“Does that change your mind about coming up?”
Marti turned away and strolled across the room, obviously pretending to be considering her answer.
“You’re thinking too hard.”
“I have a lot of attractive offers. Lucky for you, you’re often at the top of my list.” She glanced around her. “But, eh, this room.”
“I get upgraded one time, and you get spoiled.” The king-sized bed took up most of the space, and the bathroom was small. The décor was outdated, but everything seemed clean, and she’d stayed here so often the staff took good care of her, hence the occasional upgrade.
Marti turned toward her. “Come over here and distract me from my dismal surroundings.”
Jacqueline moved closer and let Marti pull her in. Marti kissed along Jacqueline’s jawline, sliding her hand beneath the hem of Jacqueline’s shirt to stroke her belly. Jacqueline closed her eyes and tried to immerse herself in the sensation. But behind her lids, she saw Casey’s face, her expression kind and determined as she’d insisted on helping Jacqueline through these weeks. She jerked and opened her eyes.
Hoping to erase the image, she pushed Marti back on the bed and climbed on top of her. She straddled her, then rose and unbuttoned her own shirt from the bottom. Marti shoved her hands inside the fabric, caressing each exposed inch until she reached Jacqueline’s breasts. She paid extra attention to her nipples before moving up to push Jacqueline’s shirt down her shoulders.
When Jacqueline tried to shrug out of the garment, it caught around her arms and pinned them to her body. Marti sat up and grabbed the collar. She pulled Jacqueline close and rasped in her ear, “Let me help you with that.” After throwing it to the side, Marti pulled her own shirt over her head.
Let me help you. Casey had said those words just before Jacqueline broke down in her arms. She shook her head against the sound and buried her face in the curve of Marti’s neck instead. When Marti grabbed her wrist and guided her hand to her breast, she felt Casey’s fingers circling her wrist. Casey’s arms around her. Let me be family again.
Crying out, Jacqueline wrenched free and got off the bed.
“Jacqueline?”
Casey’s voice filled her head as she slammed her back against the wall between the bed and the bathroom. She slid to the floor, her elbows on her drawn-up knees, and covered her face.
“Jacqueline, what’s wrong, baby?” Strong arms circled her and tried to pull her close. Too strong. They held her too tight. Not like Casey’s arms—supporting her without restraining her. Baby? Casey didn’t call her baby. Not Casey. Marti.
Jacqueline lifted her head and stared into concerned brown eyes. Not Casey’s beautiful blues.
“Hey, talk to me?”
“I’m—I’m sorry. I need a minute to clear my head.” She held Marti’s gaze, trying to seem reassuring. Marti hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d been headed down the exact path Jacqueline had led her.
“What’s going on?” Marti tightened her arms, maybe hoping the pressure would help, but Jacqueline couldn’t breathe.
“I can’t—” She pushed her hand against Marti’s chest until she managed some separation between them. When Marti released her altogether, she got to her feet and stumbled toward the bed. She scooped up her shirt and held it to her chest, realizing the ridiculous gesture of covering what Marti had already seen countless times, but needing the barrier between them.
“Jacqueline?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I didn’t realize the toll this week has taken.”
“That was more than fatigue just now. What’s going on?”
She slipped her arms through the sleeves of her shirt and held it closed with one fist. “Suddenly, I have a headache. Can I take a rain check on tonight?”
“A headache?”
Jacqueline met her eyes and nodded, seeing the disbelief reflected there.
“Sure.” Marti’s smile was forced as she retrieved her own shirt and put it back on. “Get some rest. Call me later, so I’ll know you’re okay?”
“Of course.” Jacqueline followed her to the door, squelching the desire to apologize again. Contrition would be meaningless without an explanation, and she wasn’t prepared to offer one.
“Take care of yourself, Jacqueline.” Something in Marti’s expression hinted that she thought this might be their final good-bye.
“You too.” If she received any confirmation from Jacqueline it wouldn’t be verbal.
She closed the door behind Marti and rested her forehead against it. What the hell was that? Even after her most stressful days, she’d never had trouble letting go for a few hours with a woman. As much as she liked and respected Marti, her feelings for her never ventured beyond friendly—sex was just sex. So why, all of a sudden, were thoughts of Casey intruding? Why had touching Marti felt disloyal to a woman she hadn’t had a physical relationship with in eight years—well, six years if she counted that one slipup, but she didn’t.
Chapter Nine
When Jacqueline stopped next to the curb in front of her father’s house on Friday afternoon, she saw Casey’s car in the driveway. Her heart kicked in her chest and nearly took her breath away. She almost drove away. Only Sean’s Camry parked next to Casey’s car made her pause. And her option was taken away completely when Sean opened the front door. She got out before Sean could wonder what was taking so long, but her legs felt shaky as she went up the walk.
He stepped out the door and greeted her with a quick hug. A scruff of hair, a new addition to the landscape of his face, brushed her cheek as his pressed against it briefly.
“Hey, son. What are you doing here?”
“I’m helping Mom with a wedding tomorrow. My afternoon class got cancelled, so I came up early to see Poppa.”
“What’s going on here?” She grasped his chin and pretended to inspect the scattered growth.
He pulled his head away and shrugged. “It’s a beard.�
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She laughed. “It looks like it’s trying to be.”
“Very funny.”
“How’s school?”
“Tougher than last year.”
“Not partying too much, are you?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Good.” She threw an arm around his shoulders. “I know you’re trying to help look out for Poppa, but you know he wouldn’t want you to let that interfere with your studies.”
“I got it all covered.” He slipped out from under her arm and tossed her a wink. “I even have a little time left over for the ladies.”
“I don’t like that at all.” She narrowed her eyes at him as she followed him inside the house. Her father and Casey sat on the couch next to each other. Sean’s iPad was propped up on the coffee table in front of them, and they both bent forward, looking at something on the screen.
“I learned it from you.”
“What?”
“You know, keeping it casual, don’t let them get attached.” Before she could light into him, he said, “Take it easy, Mama. I’m messing with you.”
“Okay, smart-ass.” She glanced at Casey. Her attention hadn’t left the screen in front of her, but her posture had gone more rigid.
He grinned and sat on the couch on her father’s other side.
“Sean’s showing us some pictures he took around campus,” her father said.
Sean had carried his own SLR camera since he was ten years old. He had a good eye, and though he hadn’t been moved to make photography a career, he still enjoyed it as a hobby. Casey encouraged him, praised his work, and engaged him in conversation about techniques. Jacqueline had always loved the way Casey’s face shone with pride when he brought her a new collection of photographs.
“Do you want to squeeze in? There’s room next to Mom.” Sean pointed to the end of the couch opposite him and shuffled over a little.
Jacqueline glanced at the space next to Casey, really no more than half a cushion, then shook her head. She couldn’t handle being smashed against Casey from shoulder to knees right now. “After my drive this morning, I don’t think I can sit anymore right now. Okay if I look at them later?”
“Sure.”
She escaped to the kitchen and grabbed a can of diet soda from the fridge, then leaned against the counter and listened to the murmur of voices from the next room. After a night of restless sleep, she’d driven home today with the radio turned up as loud as she could handle, changing the station every time she heard a song that remotely made her think of Casey, their relationship, or their time apart.
Seeing Casey’s car in the drive had completely undone any progress she’d made forgetting what happened last night. She rolled the cool soda can against her forehead.
“Hey,” Casey said from the doorway. Jacqueline raised her head, then popped the drink open, trying to look more relaxed than she felt. “Rough week?”
“Yeah, kind of.”
“Anything I can do?” Casey moved into the room, closer to her, and she would have backed up if she weren’t already pressed against the counter.
Casey’s expression was warm and sympathetic. Her words didn’t carry even a trace of flirtation, but every response Jacqueline came up with was inappropriate. So she shook her head.
“Are you eating?” Casey rested her back against the counter next to her. Jacqueline imagined she could feel the fabric of Casey’s shirt sleeve against hers.
“No more or less than I ever did.”
“You look thinner.”
“I’ve been exercising.” She knew her tone became more sarcastic in direct correlation to the increasing concern in Casey’s, but she couldn’t help it.
Casey laughed.
“I’m serious. Nothing strenuous, of course. But I’ve been walking here in the neighborhood and around my hotels when I travel.”
“Please be careful walking around in strange cities.”
“I will. I actually enjoy it—helps clear my head. And having a few less lumps and rolls doesn’t hurt either.” Jacqueline pinched her side.
“I liked your curves,” Casey said so quietly that Jacqueline could almost tell herself she’d misheard her.
“I should check on Dad.” She turned as she passed Casey to avoid brushing against her.
Sean and her father still sat in front of Sean’s iPad, but instead of the pictures, Sean was now explaining something about his current studies.
Casey had followed her from the kitchen, and she touched Jacqueline’s lower back. “Sean’s with him. Let’s get some fresh air. You can show me your route.”
“Okay.” Jacqueline stepped forward, discreetly terminating the contact between them. To Sean and her father, she said, “Hey, guys. We’ll be back in a bit.”
They both nodded, and her father waved her off with his hand before returning his attention to Sean’s tablet.
As Jacqueline and Casey exited the front door, Jacqueline sucked in a sharp breath at the flash of familiarity. The cool spring air and scent of fresh-cut grass reminded her of the day they’d first looked at their house with the realtor. After spending their first few years together in apartments, the idea of buying a house with Casey had made her feel very grown up.
“What’s wrong?” Casey asked as she drew even with her on the sidewalk.
“Nothing.” She shook off the nostalgia that had settled around her like a thick cape resting on her shoulders. “The neighborhood has changed.” She grasped a safer topic. Many of the smaller homes had disappeared to make room for new duplexes. Though builders used touches of period architecture, the new homes lacked the charm of the previous cottages.
“I hate those places.” Casey waved a hand toward one of the newer houses.
“Me too.” She wanted to say she missed the old neighborhood, but she was afraid Casey would know she meant she missed the “old them,” too. When she walked these streets, she longed for the days when Casey was her best friend. She had to go back quite a few years, before they started arguing all the time—when they were young and it seemed as if they existed only for each other. Then she felt like an unrealistic fool. Of course, everyone yearned for the simpler days of their early courtship, but that wasn’t life. Real life tested relationships, and theirs hadn’t survived—hadn’t been strong enough.
*
By the time Casey and Jacqueline returned to Teddy’s house, he’d retired to his room for a nap. Sean had been waiting for them before he left. He threw a few things into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
He gave Jacqueline a hug. “I’m meeting some friends for dinner tonight. I’ll probably stay with Mom tonight since we have that wedding tomorrow.”
“Sure. Be safe.”
“Always.” He kissed Casey on the cheek on his way to the door. “See you later.”
After he left, Casey and Jacqueline stood in the living room, an awkward silence between them. Casey had sensed something was going on with Jacqueline and had invited her on the walk hoping to get her to open up. Instead, they’d walked mostly in silence, save the occasional comment on how the neighborhood had changed, which only seemed to make Jacqueline more subdued.
Casey picked up her purse. “I should probably go, too.”
“Thanks—for everything.” Jacqueline glanced toward the hallway leading to Teddy’s room.
“Let him sleep, Jacq,” Casey said over her shoulder as she headed for the door.
“How did you know?”
She paused with her hand on the knob. “Because you were the same way with Sean when he was sick—always waking him up just to check on him.”
Jacqueline lowered her eyes to the floor. “Dad thinks I treat him like a child. Maybe he’s right.”
“He’s okay, you know.” She didn’t want to venture too far into Jacqueline and Teddy’s father/daughter relationship—that was no longer her place. But even after eight years, the lines always blurred a bit for Casey. She’d never stopped caring about Jacqueline—loving her, even
, in some ways. She just couldn’t be unhappy anymore. And when she’d finally gotten the nerve to ask Jacqueline to go—she had gone. That might have been what hurt the most.
“Has he said something?”
Casey sighed and set her purse on the floor by the door. She crossed to Jacqueline, took her hand, and pulled her down onto the couch. “No. But you’re killing yourself to make sure he’s watched so closely. He’s been better since the soreness from that last fall abated. I mean, I still think he gets confused easily and that does need monitoring, but he’s not as fragile as—”
“I don’t know how to do this.” Jacqueline’s brows drew together over suddenly wet eyes.
“I know, sweetheart.” She wanted to pull her into her arms again, but she didn’t think Jacqueline would allow it. She did seem to tolerate the hand-holding, and when Casey gave hers a little squeeze, she felt the answering pressure from Jacqueline.
“Everything’s just such a mess right now.” Jacqueline’s fingers moved lightly over the inside of Casey’s wrist, and she wondered if the caress was intentional. “I don’t want you to sell the house.”
“Jacq—”
“I know. It’s selfish of me. I’m sorry. The house is yours. But a part of me felt like as long as you lived there, I still had a connection to it—and to my memories there.”
“I have to live my life.”
“I know. And you should.” Jacqueline slipped her hand free, and Casey folded hers in her lap. “You and Nina should make a home of your own. Wherever you choose.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt.” A note of petulance echoed in Jacqueline’s words, but then she took a breath as if resetting her tone. “I truly do want you to be happy.”
Casey believed her. “And I want you to, as well.” She knew she was about to cross a line, but Sean’s words still lingered. Jacqueline seemed open—vulnerable—and she wasn’t sure when they would next be in a place when Jacqueline would hear her again. “It’s okay to get attached. You don’t have to always keep it casual.”
