by Erin Dutton
“And I bit your lip.”
Jacqueline nodded. “Hard.” She touched Casey’s cheek. “When we pulled apart, Sean was laughing at us. He had this big grin on his face. I guarantee he wasn’t thinking about his shitty start in life.”
“You remember all that?”
Jacqueline’s lips pulled into a small smile, but deep sadness reflected in her eyes. “Like it was yesterday.”
The silence between them echoed with ancient wounds. Jacqueline stayed quiet, clearly leaving the next move in Casey’s hands. The openness in Jacqueline’s expression helped Casey make her decision. Jacqueline had brought her here with good intentions. They could move past their mistakes or they could wallow in them.
Casey stepped back, but she kept hold of Jacqueline’s hand. She glanced at the sky again. “There’s no rain in the forecast today. So, let’s go check out these trails.”
Jacqueline smiled and followed her toward the sign marking the beginning of the longest section of trail.
Jacqueline seemed to be taking the relaxation aspect of the hike just as seriously as she did. For the next thirty minutes, they walked mostly in silence. Occasionally, one of them would point out a bit of scenery—a glimpse of the lake, an especially bright cluster of foliage, or the remains of a hand-stacked stone fence left over from when the bordering clearing used to be farmland. Casey stopped a few times to take some quick shots.
They kept a steady pace, and by the time they crested the steepest climb, they were both breathing heavier.
“Do you want to go down and come back up?” Jacqueline paused at the top and bent to catch her breath.
“I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I wasn’t volunteering to go with you. I’d wait here while you did it, if you need the challenge.”
“Ah, okay. No thanks.” Casey pointed at the trail ahead. “Let’s just keep going.” She started off again.
“Hey, I’m working on breathing here.”
Casey glanced over her shoulder. Jacqueline stood with her hands on her hips. “Come on. You aren’t going to get calves like mine standing around.” She smiled when she heard Jacqueline’s menacing growl in response. Jacqueline was a leg woman. Though Casey wouldn’t admit it aloud, she’d dressed with that thought in mind. Despite the cool weather, she’d chosen her favorite cropped workout pants, which hugged her thighs and ended just below her knee, leaving her lower legs bare. She told herself she’d picked them because she didn’t like heavy clothes on her legs when she walked. Usually, as long as she kept her upper body warm, she didn’t feel the chill, so she’d layered a flannel shirt over a long-sleeved T-shirt.
“Hey,” Jacqueline whispered. She grabbed the strap of Casey’s camera bag and tugged her to a halt.
Startled, Casey didn’t adjust for the sudden change in direction, and she fell back against Jacqueline. She glanced around, trying to figure out what Jacqueline had seen that she’d missed while fantasizing about teasing Jacqueline with her exposed calves like she was some kind of Victorian maiden.
“Over there.” Jacqueline pointed to their right, while her other arm slipped around Casey’s waist. She kept her voice down and spoke so close that Casey thought she felt Jacqueline’s lips move against her ear.
Through the trees, about fifty yards away, a family of deer stared back at them. A fawn, the faint dusting of spots still visible on its back, nuzzled close to its mother, who seemed poised to run off with her youngster at the first sign of danger. Another doe and a buck with a small set of antlers had frozen in place as well.
Moving slowly, Casey raised her camera and focused. The skittish mother flinched as she released the shutter several times. She angled to look over her shoulder and found Jacqueline’s face still close.
“Look at that baby. He’s so cute.”
“Did you get the shot?” Jacqueline’s eyes flickered down to her camera, then returned immediately to her face. Was Jacqueline looking at her mouth? Casey nodded mutely. “Good. Let’s keep going.” With her hands bracketing Casey’s hips, she guided her forward slowly.
The deer bolted as soon as the next bunch of leaves crunched under their feet. Casey took another picture as their white tails swished and bounced through the trees. When she resumed their previous pace, she slipped away from Jacqueline and immediately missed the pressure of her hands on her.
Chapter Seventeen
Jacqueline followed Casey along the Shoreline Trail, a section that, befitting its description, traced the edge of the lake near part of the campground. As they neared a wooden dock that stretched into the water, she said, “How about a rest?”
“What’s wrong? Can’t keep up?”
“No, I can’t.” While she hadn’t had too much trouble keeping pace with Casey, she could definitely use a break from watching Casey’s backside sway in front of her.
Casey glanced at her in surprise.
“What? You don’t think I can admit you’re in better shape than I am?” She nodded toward the dock. “Let’s go sit for a minute.” At the far end, a slightly larger platform had a roof and some built-in benches.
As they reached the end of the dock, Casey rested her forearms on the railing. “Look at all the birds.” When Casey glanced over her shoulder, her smile captivated Jacqueline. She’d so rarely seen this expression of pure happiness from Casey in recent years. Instead, she’d gotten used to Casey’s smile being cautiously polite when directed at her.
“Let’s sit for a while.” Jacqueline dropped her backpack on the floor and settled on the bench.
“Are you sure? We can finish the walk.” Casey paused with her camera half-raised.
“This is why we’re here. I did some more current research on the place, and we didn’t get to see much of it last time, but I read they have good wildlife here.”
Casey laughed. “They have good wildlife?”
“And now you’re laughing at me.” Jacqueline stood, but Casey rushed over and guided her back down with a hand on her shoulder.
“No. I’m sorry. It’s sweet that you looked it up online. Thank you.”
“And I tromped through the woods with you. I want credit for that, too.” When they’d first met, she had followed Casey into a wide range of locations and climates. Casey, in all her creative-glory, had been captivating. And seeing her today, intense and focused as she snapped away, Jacqueline was just as seduced by her. Instead of letting that thought freak her out, she settled back against the bench and enjoyed Casey in her element. She moved confidently from one side of the dock to the other, expertly adjusting her settings before taking another series of photos.
Casey cradled her camera in one hand, the fingers of her other hand twisting the focus ring on the long lens. Jacqueline didn’t have to strain to remember the feel of those fingers against her skin. She also didn’t have to work too hard to conjure up the image of Casey in college. Her blond waves were the softest Jacqueline had ever touched, and it broke Jacqueline’s heart when she restrained them in a ponytail so they wouldn’t blow into her face while she was shooting. When she talked about her art, passion lit her blue eyes from the inside. Jacqueline had fallen in love first watching those beautiful hands work a camera, then feeling them on her own body.
“Look at him.” Casey pointed near the opposite shore at the bird she’d just photographed. It had just slipped into the lake and was gliding toward them. It dipped its head in the water, either bathing or hunting for food. “He’s gorgeous.”
Jacqueline stuck her hand inside the zipper of her backpack, then joined Casey at the railing that circled the dock. “Gorgeous? It’s ugly.” It was a duck or a goose of some kind; Jacqueline had never been sure of the difference. Its head was mottled with patches of white that stood out against its dark-colored body. Red, warty growths clustered around its beak. “What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think he’s in here?” Jacqueline pulled a book from behind her back. The cover was worn and creased next to
the binding from being folded back too many times.
“My bird guide.” Casey grabbed the book and immediately started flipping through it. “Where did you get this?”
“It was mixed in with some of my books. I must have taken it by accident—when I moved out.” Jacqueline felt silly admitting that she’d held on to this piece of Casey. Just talking about the day she’d packed her things and left their home made her stomach churn with nausea. “I’m sorry.”
Casey shrugged. “Clearly I didn’t miss it.”
She hadn’t been talking about the book. “No, I—”
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just a book. I’d have bought another one if I was that into birds.” Casey touched her cheek and she closed her eyes.
She wanted to move into her, to grab her waist and pull her close. Instead, she stepped back and said, “Well, get your aviary fill now, because I’m not sitting out here all day.” She smiled to soften the sarcasm in her words.
“You would if I asked you to.” Casey’s broad grin and the cocky edge to her voice felt familiar.
They’d lost this. In the last years of their relationship, they’d stopped making time for these days for the two of them to just hang out together. Jacqueline had been working too much. Sean had been young and needed so much of them. And by the time they could even think about focusing on each other, they were too exhausted.
She’d tuned out the clicking of Casey’s shutter, until she realized the camera was now pointed at her.
“What are you doing?” She half turned away.
“What were you thinking about just now?” Casey took several steps forward, circling her to take a couple more shots.
“Why?”
“You looked so—distant, yet beautiful. I couldn’t help myself.”
“Yeah, well, stop it.” She held a hand up between her face and the lens.
Casey pulled her arm down and held it out of the way. She tapped the shutter release two more times. “I love the way your face changes with your moods. I can see them all, from distracted to embarrassed to irritated.”
“Casey.” Jacqueline grappled with Casey’s wrist and hand, trying to get hers back in front of the camera.
“You never used to mind being one of my models.” Casey set her camera on the bench and turned to Jacqueline again. She stepped close, her hands coming to rest on the front of Jacqueline’s shoulders.
Jacqueline flashed on a memory that brought a rush of heat to her face. Casey had awakened her one morning with her camera in hand. She’d said their bedroom had the perfect morning light. She’d pushed back the sheet to expose Jacqueline’s bare skin and taken a series of shots. Jacqueline had posed for a bit, putting on a bit of a show for her before she grabbed her and pulled her back into bed. The camera lay forgotten on the nightstand for the rest of the morning.
“Hmm, from irritated to aroused.” Casey moved in and spoke close to her ear. “That was always one of my favorites.”
Jacqueline stood very still, not trusting herself to move. Casey slid her hands up to the sides of Jacqueline’s neck, and Jacqueline grabbed her hips, intending to push her away, but when she felt Casey’s lips against her cheek, she froze.
“Casey,” she whispered on a pleading breath. Kiss me or let me go.
Those words didn’t make it out of her head, but Casey’s next move felt like a response to them just the same. She brushed her lips over the corner of Jacqueline’s mouth, then claimed it fully. They angled their heads and slanted their mouths together as if they’d been waiting—Jacqueline had—she’d been waiting so long for Casey to kiss her, to not feel as if she were the only desperate fool fighting her feelings.
She pulled Casey flush against her, reveling in the solid pressure from breasts to thighs. They fit—they’d always fit like this. That thought hit her as Casey’s tongue slid along her lower lip, and Jacqueline tried to push away the reminder that they didn’t really. Casey was no longer hers. She returned the kiss for a moment longer, taking her own mental snapshot to catalog along with the rest of her memories.
Sooner than she wanted to, she squeezed Casey’s hips and eased her back. “You can’t do that again.”
“I didn’t plan it that time, Jacq.” Casey hands slid to Jacqueline’s chest, and she flexed her fingers in Jacqueline’s shirt.
“You know what it does to me when you say my name like that.” Jacqueline released her and took a step back. “I’m trying to respect our boundaries.”
“What if I don’t want us to have boundaries?”
“I have to have them.”
“Why?”
“You sent me away. I vowed that if you wanted me back, you’d have to come begging.”
“You always did like it when I begged,” Casey drawled.
Jacqueline reacted viscerally to Casey’s words. Her knees almost buckled, yet somehow she managed to stay upright. Her heart thudded, pounding blood into her pulse points so heavy she could feel the rhythm.
“Why, Miss Casey, are you flirting with me?” She forced a light tone, hoping to hide how affected she’d been.
“Maybe. I’m not sure I’d recognize it. Do you know how long it’s been since we flirted?” Casey laughed. “At least eight years, right?”
Jacqueline shook her head. “Longer than that. You stopped awhile before we split up. And I was too dumb to realize how much I missed it.”
Casey’s expression grew serious. “It’s not all on you. I let some important things fall to the wayside as well.”
“Well, the past is the past. Today is for relaxation and recharging your creative batteries.” Jacqueline drew back as well, determined to restore the space between them, both physically and emotionally. She’d already risked ruining the day by letting that kiss go on too long. And Casey seemed as eager as she to write it off to a moment of weakness. “So,” she waved toward the water behind Casey, “back to the birds.”
*
Casey replayed their interaction while Jacqueline drove her home. The conversation they’d started their day with had left her with something to think about. Despite the arguing and frustration Casey associated with that trip, Jacqueline had managed to hold onto a moment that she’d forgotten. When she really thought about it, the passion, the love, and the humor in that memory represented the best of them. She’d never have thought Jacqueline would be so sentimental about something that happened so long ago. So much so that she’d planned this day in an effort to create better memories of Bledsoe Creek. And she really had. The rest of their day had been exactly what she’d needed, a day to decompress—to breathe fresh air and take some photos that had absolutely nothing riding on them professionally.
While they were out on the dock, she’d turned toward Jacqueline and stopped short for a moment. Jacqueline had been staring out across the water, but clearly she wasn’t focused wherever her gaze landed.
Was she thinking about work? Or Sean? Or another woman? What had captured Jacqueline’s attention so fully while she was with Casey? She’d reacted quickly to a surge of jealousy in the one way she knew she’d gain Jacqueline’s attention. She’d flirted, then touched, then kissed. She’d given in to what her heart wanted instead of what she knew to be prudent. And it had felt so good, even when Jacqueline tried to ease away—if you wanted me back, you’d have to come begging. Jacqueline’s words fueled the competitive fire in her. She imagined any number of the women Jacqueline had slept with over the years would beg in an instant. So she’d pushed. But Jacqueline’s response had slowed her down. I was too dumb to realize how much I missed it.
In the time that they’d been apart, Jacqueline had never given any real indication that she’d changed or that she’d wanted to. But those words were spoken softly and with more humility than she’d heard from Jacqueline in years. None of the many apologies and pleas to try again that Jacqueline had issued in those first months after their split had felt nearly as genuine as this one sentence.
Now, stealing glances at Jacqueline acr
oss the cabin of the Lexus, Casey couldn’t shut down the part of her that still cared for her. Cared for? Those words didn’t feel strong enough, but she hesitated to say that she still loved Jacqueline. She had at one time—fiercely. Of course she did. But she didn’t want to admit that Nina had been right. She’d never stopped, but she’d learned that love wasn’t the only thing she required. And Jacqueline hadn’t been willing to try to give her what she needed.
So what was all that back at the park? Jacqueline pulled the car into Casey’s driveway and turned off the engine.
Casey angled toward Jacqueline and met her uncertain gaze. “Thank you for today. It was—”
“I’m sorry. It was weird, I know.”
“I was going to say perfect.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. It was exactly what I needed.” She didn’t want to analyze things. The way she felt now—looking at Jacqueline and the happiness shining in her eyes—were enough for the moment.
“Sometimes I can’t believe how much time has gone by.” Jacqueline glanced at the house.
Casey looked too, seeing the hedge that had been only waist high when they moved in and now blocked the view of the neighboring house, and the shutters that had been deep green and were now in need of painting. Their son had become a man. Yet, Casey didn’t feel that far removed from the woman who fell in love with this house and optimistically planned to grow her family here.
“Can I come in for a minute?” Jacqueline asked.
Casey stared straight ahead, not making eye contact with Jacqueline. She didn’t want to tell her no, but she wasn’t sure she trusted herself in her current nostalgic state.
“Please. I just want to talk.”
She nodded, then turned away quickly and got out of the car. She let them into the house and headed straight for the kitchen, thinking it offered the least-intimate environment.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
