by Erin Dutton
“I love you.” After a few quiet seconds, Jacqueline inched closer, sliding her arm more fully around Casey’s waist. Jacqueline curved her body around Casey’s, just touching her but not fully cuddling into her. Casey held still for as long as she could. When she heard Jacqueline’s breathing begin to even out, she took her hand, eased it even more around her, and held it between her breasts. She closed her eyes and let Jacqueline’s breath against the back of her neck lull her into unconsciousness.
Chapter Twenty-one
Casey opened her eyes to the distant sound of a cell phone ringing in another room. The ringtone wasn’t hers, so she was surprised she’d even heard it. A board creaked in the hallway, and she suspected Jacqueline leaving the bed had actually awakened her.
She threw her hands over her head, enjoying a deep stretch before getting up. She wished she could say waking this way felt unusual, but finding Jacqueline gone to answer her phone had been pretty common. She’d been running in circles trying to figure out if they’d changed enough to take another chance. Maybe this phone call, whoever it was, was the universe’s way of telling her things remained the same. Jacqueline might have driven home the night before, worried about their safety, but the moment she knew they were okay, work took the front seat again.
She was both sad and a little relieved that it appeared her decision was made. They should just go back to the way things were—cordial, responsible co-parenting, maybe even someday—friends.
She didn’t hear any movement from Teddy’s room yet, so she headed for the kitchen to make some coffee. As she approached, she could hear Jacqueline’s voice. She probably should have returned to the bedroom or at least backed away to give her some privacy, but she could hear the stress in Jacqueline’s tone, and curiosity got the better of her. She stood close to the entryway to the kitchen, angled so she wasn’t noticeable but could see Jacqueline. Jacqueline had her back to Casey, looking through the window at the backyard. She clutched her cell phone in one hand, her other one braced against the countertop.
“Owen, I can’t—” Jacqueline clenched her fist and shook her head. “Can’t anyone else cover it for me? Yes, I know other people had to come in from out of town. It’s not like I planned to have an emergency.” She pantomimed slamming her hand down on the counter in front of her, stopping just short of making contact. “Yes, everyone’s fine. But I can’t just turn around and leave them again.”
Casey could hear Owen’s rapid speech through the phone but couldn’t make out what he said.
“I know it’s my job, but this is my family.” Whatever Owen said next pissed Jacqueline off. She straightened and shoved her shoulders back. “Yes. You’ve always been able to count on me.” Her voice was ice cold. She tilted her head to the left as if coming to a decision. “The problem is, you’re the only one who’s been able to.”
Casey’s sharply indrawn breath filled the silence that followed Jacqueline’s words. She grabbed the doorframe beside her. Jacqueline spun around, and her eyes filled with tears as they met Casey’s.
“I let her raise Sean basically without me, and I’ll be damned if I’ll bail on them now. If that means making some adjustments to my career path, then so be it.”
Casey shook her head in disbelief. Had Jacqueline lost her mind? As prideful as Owen was, he wouldn’t stand for her speaking to him that way. She started to turn away to give Jacqueline privacy to finish her call, but Jacqueline crossed the room quickly, grabbed her hand, and pulled her close. Casey wrapped her arms around Jacqueline’s waist and rested her cheek against Jacqueline’s.
“Shit, Owen. I don’t know. I need to figure some things out. I can’t go back to Atlanta right now. In fact, I won’t be in the office the rest of this week. Can we talk on Monday?” Jacqueline trembled in spite of her confident tone. Casey held her tighter and pressed her lips to her jaw, just in front of her ear. She closed her eyes and concentrated, not on Jacqueline’s conversation, but on the love flowing through her own heart. The decision she’d made in the bedroom only moments ago crumbled.
Even after Jacqueline hung up the phone and set it on the counter beside them, Casey held on, not saying anything.
“Casey—”
Casey kissed her. Jacqueline’s lips moved hesitantly against hers, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t trying to escalate this kiss into anything more than a simple expression of gratitude. Jacqueline sighed against Casey’s mouth, then eased back and rested their foreheads together. She cupped the back of Casey’s neck in a way that had always made Casey feel safe—protected.
“Don’t do anything rash, please. You’ve worked very hard for the career you have. I don’t want you to throw that away,” Casey said.
“I wasn’t making idle threats.” Jacqueline’s fingers tightened and she pushed harder against Casey’s head, as if trying to get closer. “You, Dad, and Sean—you mean everything. I’m so sorry I ever lost sight of that.”
Casey stroked Jacqueline’s face. She hadn’t planned to have this conversation first thing this morning. But Jacqueline’s call with Owen might have been the catalyst for their future. “I—you came home.”
“Sean told me that you and Dad were fine. But I just—had to see you.”
Casey hadn’t noticed Sean when she passed through the living room. He’d left a note on the kitchen counter—an entire sheet of haphazardly torn notebook paper that had only “school” scrawled across it. “You were in Atlanta.”
It wasn’t a question, but Jacqueline nodded anyway.
“Did you see Marti?”
“I was with her when Sean called.” Casey started to pull away, but Jacqueline held onto her. “I’d just told her I couldn’t be involved with her anymore.”
“You had?”
“Did you really think I could just go sleep with her, given how we’d left things?”
Casey shrugged.
“Well, then, just so there’s no doubt. I didn’t sleep with Marti. I haven’t slept with anyone since before you and Nina broke up.”
“Wow. Is that a record?”
“It might be.” Jacqueline smiled, and then her expression grew serious. “I know I’m supposed to be waiting for you to be ready to talk. But I need to say some things before we decide what’s going to happen between us.” Jacqueline released her and took a step back, but she maintained eye contact, keeping their connection strong. “I’ve made so many mistakes and excuses. I know we had problems before—before Elle, but afterward, I used my job to run away from you. I shut down exactly when we should have been opening up together. And now, I’m scared I’ll wake up at seventy years old with a bunch more regrets and wishing I hadn’t let you go.”
“You’re afraid of ending up alone.” Casey had heard Jacqueline’s apologies before, and she’d made her share of them as well. But somehow they always ended up in the same place.
“No.” Jacqueline grabbed Casey’s wrist. “I’m afraid of being without you.”
“Jacq—”
“It’s you, Casey. It has been since the day you walked into our poker game in that ridiculous scarf.”
“It wasn’t ridiculous.”
“It hid your cleavage.”
Casey smiled.
“The point is, I loved you almost immediately and every day since, in one way or another. Yes, I’ve learned how to live without you. But my life is fuller with you in it. Please, give us another chance?” Her expression was sincere—but more than that, she was incredibly open. Jacqueline had put herself out there farther than at any other point in their relationship.
“I want to try,” Casey said, but when Jacqueline stepped toward her, Casey put her hand on her chest, stopping her. “But I don’t know how I’ll ever get over you again.”
“You won’t have to.”
“You think we’re different enough?”
“Yes. I’ll never put my job in front of my family again. I don’t know yet what that means for me professionally, except that I’ve decided I don’t want to chase Owen’s job on
ly to get it and find out I’m lonelier than ever.” Jacqueline took Casey’s hands in hers. “I know I said you’d have to beg if you wanted me back. But I never did a good enough job letting you know how much I needed you all of those years—how much I need you now. So, I’m prepared to plead for our future.”
“I don’t think that will be necessary.”
“Then let’s try a fresh start, get to know each other all over again, for who we are today. Would you like to go on a date with me?”
“A date?” Casey smiled coyly. “That depends. Where would you like to take me?”
Jacqueline’s eyes darkened in a way that always made Casey weak. “While I can think of all kinds of places I’d like to take you, we should probably start with dinner.”
Casey struggled to shut out the image of Jacqueline dominating her. When she spoke, her voice sounded unnaturally high and tense. “Dinner?”
“Yes. A quiet evening at my condo. I’d like to cook for you.”
“Okay. I think I can handle that.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes.”
Jacqueline’s smile was so wide and full of love that Casey couldn’t help but return it. Jacqueline caught her in an embrace that lifted Casey’s feet off the floor. When she set her back down, she kissed her. Giving in to her strongest urge, Casey wrapped her arms around Jacqueline’s neck and deepened the kiss.
“When?” Casey asked.
“As it turns out, I’m free for the rest of the week. What are you doing tonight?”
“I have a shoot this afternoon, but I’ll be free in plenty of time.”
“Are you okay to do that?” Jacqueline glanced at her leg. “Do you need any help? Someone to do the heavy lifting? I think I can still take orders pretty well.”
“As much as I hate to turn down free labor, it’s a portrait session in my studio, so I think I can handle it. In fact, I should grab my stuff and head home to get ready.”
“If you’re sure. I think I’ll spend the day hanging out here with Dad. So if something changes, call and I can run over there.”
“I will. Text me later and let me know what time to head over for this gourmet dinner and what to bring.”
“Who said gourmet?”
“Don’t worry.” Casey rested her hand on Jacqueline’s chest and gave her a peck on the lips. “I know you can’t cook.”
*
Jacqueline hummed to herself as she returned to the kitchen after she’d showered and changed. She poured a cup of coffee and joined her father in the living room. He sat in his chair, albeit somewhat stiffly, with his own mug. He wore his favorite flannel pajama pants and a black, long-sleeved T-shirt. She searched for signs of injury but didn’t see any redness on his visible skin. Sean had said he’d burned his arms and chest.
“How are you feeling?” She settled onto the couch and studied him. He looked tired. He might not have slept comfortably, but it seemed to her like there was more going on.
“Minor burns. Nothing to worry about.”
“That’s not how I heard it.”
“I don’t care what you heard. I’m a grown-up and don’t need a babysitter—least of all my grandson.” The bitterness in his voice surprised her.
“Sean was trying to help.” She wouldn’t let him diminish the way Sean had stepped up.
He sighed. “I know.”
“He did what I wasn’t here to do. But that’s going to change.”
“Quitting your job?” He clearly didn’t believe her.
“I don’t know how yet. But I’m going to be around more often. For you and for Casey.”
“Did she leave already?”
“She has to work. But I’m having dinner with her later.”
“That sounds more serious than dinner.”
“I hope it will be.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything more. She didn’t push the conversation, respecting his loyalty to both of them. When he sipped his coffee, his mug trembled slightly, and Jacqueline stared at his hand, looking for another sign of weakness.
“She’s a good girl.” He set his mug on the side table next to him.
Jacqueline laughed. “Yes. She is.”
“It’ll be good to know that you’re not alone.”
“Is there something you want to tell me?” She used every ounce of control to keep her tone light while panic tore through her. Either she or Casey had been to every doctor’s appointment with him. Could he have a health issue they didn’t know about?
He shook his head. “I know I’m not in the best physical health these days. My strength is sapped, and my balance is shot. But I can handle that stuff. I hate how easily I get confused lately. I can’t remember what I’m doing from one minute to the next.”
Jacqueline nodded, not trusting her voice. She couldn’t imagine how he must feel to be aware of the ways his brain was failing him.
“You’re having your revelation, I’m having mine. I’m feeling my age, but I’m not going anywhere just yet.”
“That’s good to know.”
“So you don’t have to change your life to accommodate me.”
She smiled. “I’m doing it for me—adjusting my priorities. This time with you is important to me. As is my future with Casey.”
He nodded, and his approval meant more to her than she would have thought possible. All her life, she’d worked hard to make her parents proud. After her mother died, providing for her father had become even more important. At some point, she’d become more his financial support, and Casey had picked up the emotional slack. So, while he was intent on reminding her that he didn’t know how much time he had, she was determined to embrace every second of it.
“Hey, Dad. Want to catch a movie or something?” He loved action movies. As a kid, whenever they went to the theater, she and he constantly outvoted her mother’s chick-flick choices.
He looked up, clearly surprised. “Don’t you have to work?”
“Not today.” She stood and picked up their empty mugs. He rose as well, more tentatively, but she resisted the urge to help. “I’ll grab my phone and look up the listings. You go get dressed. Just because you’re a senile old man doesn’t mean I’m letting you run around in public in your pajamas.”
He laughed as he walked down the hall to his bedroom. Her heart ached, but for the first time since she’d come home to find him on the floor she felt optimistic. She would focus more on keeping him active, both physically and mentally. She could get him out of the house at least a couple of times a week. She might have reached an age when she had to face the eventuality of losing her one remaining parent, but she didn’t have to let go without a fight.
*
“Come in,” Jacqueline called when she heard the knock on her condo door. She’d left it unlocked while she puttered around in the kitchen. She’d just finished checking on the baked chicken and closed the oven door.
“Smells good.” Casey handed over a bottle of wine. “I hope white’s okay.”
“Perfect.” She put the bottle in the fridge to chill. “Come in. Sit. Dinner will be a bit longer.” She led Casey across the open floor plan into the sitting area by the windows.
“I haven’t been here in a while. You’ve made some changes.”
“Furniture and art upgrades. But I didn’t choose the art. That’s Kendra.”
“Of course.” Casey wandered around the outside of the room, then stopped in front of one particular piece—a black-and-white photograph of a spiral staircase taken from above and looking down into the stairs. “Did Kendra choose this one, too?”
“Yes.”
“I wondered why she insisted on this piece. I knew it wouldn’t go in her house.”
“I told her I wanted one of yours. I let her decide which one.” Jacqueline tried to appear casual as she sat on the couch, but her stomach was in knots over what her admission revealed. She fought her instinct to hold a part of herself back to avoid getting hurt. This was Casey. If she wanted to have a chance,
she had to put everything out there.
Casey nodded but didn’t say anything more. She joined Jacqueline on the couch, still looking at the room around her.
Suddenly Jacqueline didn’t know what to talk about. How was she supposed to act on a first date with a woman she’d known for twenty years? “So, um, did your shoot go well today?”
“It did. And how was your day with Teddy?”
“Really good. We’re going to have more days like that.” She brushed her hands along her thighs, then folded them in her lap, suddenly unsure what to do with them.
Casey smiled. “You’re adorable.”
“What? Why?”
“What are you nervous about?”
“I’m not—what?”
“Does tonight feel awkward to you?” Casey slid closer. She put her hand over Jacqueline’s and squeezed, encouraging her to unclench her fingers from each other.
“A little.”
“Why?”
“I want this to go well, I suppose.”
“I love that you care enough to be nervous.” Casey leaned in, her breath whispering against Jacqueline’s neck as she spoke. “So, what can I do to relax you?” When her lips touched Jacqueline’s skin, she jumped.
She should ease away, slow down whatever this was. “I thought we agreed to baby-step this thing.”
“You invited me over, cooked me dinner, lit candles, and put on that amazing dress—”
“This old thing?” Jacqueline pulled at the hem of the flared skirt that lay across her lap. She’d picked up the plum-colored dress for a work function but then hadn’t worn it. It might be a bit fancy for dinner in her own home, but she’d chosen it to make herself feel more confident.
“All of that makes it very hard for me to hold back.” Casey slid her hand under the edge of the skirt and over Jacqueline’s knee.
“Are you like this on all your first dates? If so, we may have figured out why you’ve always been such a popular girl.”
“Not all of them.” Casey kissed a trail down the side of Jacqueline’s neck. “I haven’t really had very many first dates, anyway.”
