I wonder if she has any idea how much I want her. Need her. How much she fills my thoughts and I ache to know her in every way. Has she caught on to the fact that we're mates? Even if it's just an inkling.
If she has, it doesn't show. It's getting incredibly late and I'm aware that I should be getting us back to the pack. But, I can't bring myself to break this moment where it's just us two and the rest of the world doesn't exist.
Hope's breathing is now even. Her plump lips slightly parted and glistening. I have to shift focus before thoughts of how soft those lips would feel against mine threaten to break my resolve.
Her slender frame now taking on a sinfully womanly shape. Her hair looking like the finest spun silk and, not for the first time, I'm tempted to run my hands through it. I wonder what color fur her wolf has. Suddenly I get the urge to demand she shift. My wolf intensifying it before I tamp it down.
It does make me realize I've never actually seen her wolf. I've never seen her shift and she's always absent at the pack runs.
Not everyone attends every single one but to never have seen her shift is nearly impossible. Now my mind is nagging at me, wanting to know why. Something in my gut tells me I'm not gonna like the answer. For now, I make a mental note and file it away for another time. Now is definitely not it.
I debate and argue with myself. I could look at her serene sleeping form all night. Unfortunately, that is not an option. The night is getting chilly and she'll be sore in the morning if she sleeps in that position too long.
This magical atmosphere seemingly suspended in time has reached its end. The issue I'm warring with isn't whether to stay or not. No. That choice is easy. The one tearing me up is choosing to carry her back or wake her.
I had vowed to myself that I wouldn't have any physical contact with Hope until she turned eighteen and could recognize me as her mate.
Not because I would be taking advantage of her but because of my own cowardice. Something I would never admit out loud.
The moment I touch her, our connection will grow infinitely stronger. The bonding will start. I already have a hard time keeping my distance, giving her space, getting thoughts of her out of my head.
I can't imagine how much worse it will be after the bonding begins. The possessive side of me that I fight against, the need to protect that already threatens to consume me would be unbearable.
You would think that makes my choice obvious but you would be wrong. Evident by the fact that my body is moving on its own, standing so I can bend down and grab her.
Gently, I lift Hope into my arms princess style. I groan with my eyes closed and it takes all of my strength to keep Hope steady.
I could feel the pure white-hot jolt that traveled through my body at the moment of contact down to my very soul. It aches in a beautifully delicious way and shakes my wolf to its core.
I take a second to gain my composure. The weight of Hope in my arms, the way her small frame rests against my chest should be illegal. Wading through the hurricane of sensations and emotions flooding me, I take a step forward at a time.
I already knew I was a goner when it came to Hope. But, now? There's no way in hell I could give her up. She is mine, forever and always. If only she could hurry up and come of age soon so I could make it known. To her. To everyone.
I feel bliss, true bliss. I bask in it and try to memorize every bit of it. It will be some time until I get to hold Hope in my arms.
Hopefully, the memory of it will keep me from going insane in the meantime. At least that is what I'm telling myself. The truth is, now that the bonding has started it will be nearly impossible to keep away.
But, that is a worry and struggle for tomorrow. At this second, I am holding my mate in my arms surrounded by the very nature that connects us and that is all I need. The rest will be dealt with later.
I'm reluctant to let Hope go once we're in her room. Laying her onto the bed and helping her get under the covers makes the clothes shift and I catch the smallest glimpse of a hidden necklace.
Gently, I lift it out to take a closer look. The familiar pendant feels weighty in my hands. Slipping it back out of view, I finish tucking Hope in and slip away soundlessly. It seems the more we dig for answers, the more questions we're met with.
Chapter 30
Hope
The feeling of motion, like laying on a trampoline, is the first thing that registers in my mind. The heat of the sun warms my face and I can faintly hear someones voice.
Groggily I open my eyes to be met with energetic amber ones staring back. Blinking helps clear my vision. Baileys laugh now fills me ears "Get up! Get up! You totally ditched me last night". Sitting up I rub my eyes and give her an apologetic smile "Sorry Bai, I went for a walk and just kinda got lost. I meant to make it back".
She easily waves it off, obviously not all that mad about it. "You can make it up to me by spending the day out. Let's go have fun!" She excitedly bounces up and down on my bed and I fling one of my pillows at her with a laugh.
The pillow is easily caught and Bailey uses it to hit me back. At that point, I had no choice but to defend my territory. A ferocious battle ensues, I swear I'm close to victory when we both tumble off the bed onto the ground with a resounding thud, a heap of tangled limbs and bedding.
A truce is called in between fits of laughter. "Alright, alright. I'll get ready. Did you have something in mind?" I now stand at the dresser trying to pick out what to wear. Looking back I see Bailey at a mirror trying to fix the mess that we made of her hair.
"Not really, maybe we could catch drive into the next town. There's a county fair going on that sounds like a blast. Then we could grab a movie and pizza to bring back tonight. I'm in the mood to totally pig out". Shaking my head I agree and enter the bathroom to freshen up and change.
The weather is warming up so a pair of high-waisted shorts with a form-fitting grey tank will be fine once I throw an oversized flannel on like a jacket just leaving it open. White sneakers are probably my best bet since we'll be running around the fairgrounds.
Throwing my hair back into a messy ponytail, a few strands coming down around my face, will keep it out of the way. It only takes a second to slick on a coat of glass and a little mascara.
Studying myself in the mirror it's hard to believe that is me. The girl staring back looks lean but healthy and most of all happy with a gleam in her eye. I'm spending the day with a new friend who actually wants to be around me.
Images surface from last night and I remember the brief but nice encounter I had with Maximus. The craziness that I awoke to kept me from thinking about it but now that I am, I realize I fell asleep by the river sitting beside him.
Which means he must have carried me back. The thought brings a blush to my cheeks despite trying to resist it.
Bailey's insistence to hurry up pulls me back to reality. Snapping out of my reverie I step out and grab my phone and wallet so we can go. Closing my door we make our way downstairs just chatting.
"Do you have a car? I kind of don't have my license". In actuality, I kept putting off learning to drive. It didn't seem like a priority. Maybe now I can finally learn. Perhaps I'll ask my dad or perhaps David. I'll have to remember to bring it up.
"Yup! My parents had me get my license as soon as I possibly could. They were probably tired of my constant fast food runs. What can I say? sometimes a girl just needs a midnight taco".
I shake my head lightly "Well tacos are definitely serious business". "That's what I said! Honestly, sometimes parents just don't understand".
Just then we reach the landing directly in front of the entrance. Passing by is the pair I had been avoiding the entire time here.
Angelina keeps her eyes straight ahead but I'm aware she noticed me because there's a sneer on her lips. Daniel looks me over but simply walks by allowing us to head out of the door.
Once It's closed behind us, Bailey speaks up "Not really friends of yours I'm guessing". I shrug lightly attempting to look no
nchalant.
"Angeline used to be when we were young but she shifted before I did and started hanging with a new crowd. Daniel is or...was? the White Thorn packs Alpha. I'm not sure if he can currently be considered that officially since we're under Onyx Moons command at the moment".
Bailey's cute habanero orange VW bug is unlocked and we hop in. I have to say, the adorable pint-sized car with its vibrant unique color fits her personality perfectly. The engine comes to life and we buckle in to be on our way.
"Yeah, that happens sometimes. Doesn't mean it's not crummy though. Some just let the shift get to their head, it is so stupid. You were better off, I'm a much cooler friend anyways". She winks at me jokingly and I laugh.
Bailey might have been kidding around but that doesn't change the fact that she's completely right about that. In less than two days I feel more connected to Bai than I ever did to Angelina.
"We should get some music going everyone knows any good drive needs music". Apart from being true, it is also my way of veering us away from the topic of Daniel and Angelina.
I hate how I momentarily froze. I had told myself I would stop letting their presence get to me. I suppose that's easier said than done. It's gonna take time but slowly I'll get here.
"Wise words señorita! My phone's connected to the cars Bluetooth. You can just scroll through my playlist and get the party started. Grabbing Bailey's phone I do just that.
I haven't listened to anything current in a long time but her playlist is diverse and we seem to share a lot of the same tastes.
I'm having a hard time choosing until I reach what is without a doubt the quintessential driving song. Pressing play I hear the sounds of I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers blast through the speakers.
Bailey practically squeals in delight and we sing along in unison, Its a must. The miles of road and luscious green fields pass by us. The sun is high in the sky without a cloud in sight.
The music drifting inside the small space inside the car is let free when we open our windows. The refreshing spring breeze caressing our faces with no traffic in sight. I look over at my newfound friend and try to memorize every bit of this moment because I doubt days this perfect happen often. Definitely not to me.
As the miles to our destination dwindle down we set the playlist to shuffle, laughing and singing the rest of the way there.
Chapter 31
Hope
I haven't been to a fair since I was a kid and can hardly contain my excitement. Paying for tickets we walk in and immediately get stopped by a photographer. "Would you lovely ladies like a picture? You can have it printed out for you once you leave the fairgrounds".
Before I can ask, Bailey is already saying yes. We turn so all the rides and attractions are in the background. We pose side hugging each other then take a couple more just making silly faces. Taking our stub we walk further in.
"I can't wait to see how they turned out! maybe they can print them on like mugs and stuff". "Do you really want to walk around wearing shirts with our faces or something? It doesn't really go with your cool boho vibe".
Bailey just shrugs and loops her arm with mine "Okay, a shirt might be a bit much". "I'm glad we agree, I would've had to take drastic measures to keep it from happening". A mischievous smile breaks onto Bailey's face "Now I actually want one". "How about I buy you an elephant ear instead?" Those were obviously the right words "Yay! I love elephant ears! I accept your offer".
Weaving in between the crowds of people we explore. There are rides as far as the eye can see, the massive Ferris wheel placed directly in the center of everything.
There's a chair lift chartering people through the sky from one end of the fairgrounds to the other. To one side sit the children's rides while the other has the bigger more daring rides designed for teens and adults.
There's an imposing tower with a two hundred foot drop. Spinning chairs that lift way up into the sky. Even a massive circular ride called Ring Of Fire which leaves you suspended upside down before swooping back down.
"We are so riding in the Ring Of Fire. Trust me, it's so fun! In a scary kind of way. Ooh, and The Falls where we sit in a log boat and go up and down this waterfall, you always get completely drenched!" Bailey is now tugging me in different directions "I'm done for whatever but the important question is...before or after elephant ears?"
For once Bai pauses to think it over. Either way would work seeing as there are food stalls lining the path between the rides. Everything from pizza, corndogs, candy apples and more.
"I say rides then food then rides again". I figured that's what she'd say. "On to the first ride it is then!" with that settled I choose the first one. The giant lit up sign reading HIMALAYA really drew me in and we quickly join the line before it gets too long.
There's lights pulsing, the roof covering shrouding the ride itself in some darkness. The music thumps, the bass reverberating through your body. It makes waiting in line more fun when everyone is dancing and having a good time.
When it is our turn Bailey and I get into the same car and lower the safety bar. "Brace yourself, It gets really fast but it's awesome". Just as Bai warns me, the ride starts moving now that it is full.
First, it goes forward rapidly gaining speed. Our hands are in the air and giddy screams overpower the blaring electro beats. Then the direction suddenly shifts and we're going backward.
The force of the speed makes me slide practically onto Bailey. Screams turn to laughter as the ride slows to a stop. We practically fall out of the car and dizzily step off.
The rest of the day well into the evening goes much the same. We go on almost every single ride -yes, even the kiddie rides and the house of mirrors...don't judge- only taking breaks to eat all the fried fair food we can handle.
We ended up taking a bunch of pictures throughout the park. They may be the first pictures I've taken on my phone.
"I'm full, tired, and satisfied. I declare this a successful outing". Its as we exit the fair and head over to the picture booth to check out our pictures from the entrance that Bailey makes this declaration.
"I can definitely agree with that. I don't think pizza and a movie will be happening though". "Yeah, I underestimated how much yummy fair food we would eat. Or maybe I just overestimated how much I could possibly eat".
At the photo booth, we each buy a copy of the pictures. We also pick keychains with a mini version of one of the pictures inside for one another. In the end, we actually picked out the same one. A gold paw shaped keychain.
It felt like a little inside joke although the guy manning the booth seemed to think we were crazy just giggling over some pawprint keychains like weirdos.
With goodies in hand, we search out Bailey's little VW bug within the sea of cars. The drive back was just as nice in a different way.
While the drive up was full of energy and upbeat music, the return trip was relaxed with chill cruising music. The bluesy vibe of Rita Is Gone playing as we cross into Onyx Moon territory.
It's completely dark when we arrive, Bailey dropping me off in front of the pack house. I was glad I had texted my parents to let them know I was out with a friend. It's not often -as in never- that I'm out late into the night.
I wave goodbye to Bai watching her drive off. The night is so still, most people seem to be inside or already in bed. I was going to turn in myself but for some reason, I just do not feel like it.
Instead, I leisurely walk around the pack house towards the back, leaving my stuff in a hidden spot, and I'm once again drawn into the woods.
Chapter 32
Hope
I love it here, I love the smell of freshly blooming spring flowers. I love the sound of small animals scurrying through the foliage. I like the stillness.
I didn't come here with any particular reason but the further out I get with seemingly no one out tonight, there's a thought that grows. A need to try to connect with my wolf again. I've felt her stirring recently. Her presence beneath the surface.
Like seeing someone through fog.
I know she's there she just needs me to break through the fog. After the last few days, I feel surer of myself. If I never try, I'll never have her back.
It may not happen this first time but I need to fight for my wolf. I need to fight for myself. It may be a while before the woods are as vacant as they are now.
Finding a secluded area mostly hidden by overhanging trees, I lower myself to the ground. Crossing my legs, I close my eyes. For a few minutes, I simply sit there getting comfortable and stamping down on my nerves. Gradually, I focus my senses. Concentrating on the sounds and smells that surround me help ground my mind and center my emotions.
Willow From The Ashes (Children Of The Moon Book 1) Page 10
