After our laughter subsided and tears of gratitude filled our eyes once again, he softly said, “I’m home.”
WE were home. We held each other without saying a single word, soaking in all the love and never wanting to let go. Almost afraid to let go for fear it was all a dream. Nothing could have been more beautifully real.
It took sixty days for both of our divorces to be final. Sixty-one days later, on May 12, 2017, we flew to Scottsdale, Arizona, where there is no waiting period required to get married. We said our vows for the second time to each other on the patio of the Embassy Suites Hotel under the scorching Arizona sun as sweat and tears streaked our faces. It was just the two of us and the hotel front desk girl who stood as our witness, while total strangers vacationing around the pool curiously looked on.
Almost twenty-five years earlier we eloped, young kids in love who barely knew one another. This time we knew everything about each other and had a lifetime of memories standing right beside us. Those memories silently cheered us on and held us together like a warm, loving embrace, assuring us that we would be fine. All the memories of love, pain, fear, gratitude, and most of all, forgiveness, gave us permission to be right there in that magical moment.
All in that same week, Greg closed on the house that he’d sold before it even hit the market, both our divorces were final, we flew to Arizona to get married, and we closed on the new house we’d bought together. I still don’t know how we pulled the whole thing off. I smile when I think about the faces of the gals around the closing table as we told them our confusing love story while signing all the documents for our new home.
“This needs to be a book!” The closing agent exclaimed as she clapped her hands with excitement.
“Trust me, I have been wanting to write a book for years,” I sheepishly said. “I have had my title for so long, but my ending was never clear.”
Now, my ending was perfectly clear. I chose the title, long before I had even written one word. I truly believe the heart knows things before we are made aware of them. Would I have changed any of the events that led to this point in my life? That is a tough question. All the pain, humiliation and anger of the past have shaped the magical relationship that Greg and I have today. Without that, I’m not sure where we would be.
We now have a sense of peace every single day as we raise our special little boy together and spend time with our adult daughters, and now two grandchildren. Greg fills me with an indescribable feeling of being loved that no one else has ever been able to duplicate. He expresses it in ways that only I know of and in ways only I understand.
I am no longer consumed by fear about what lies ahead for Dawson, or any other obstacle for that matter, because I know Greg and I will get through it together. I believe autism initially tore us apart, but it was another heartbreaking diagnosis of his that brought us back together. Dawson, in a way, saved us. He certainly saved me and brought me back home, right where I have always meant to be.
Epilogue
2019
I CAN’T BEGIN TO PUT INTO WORDS how much being able to share my story has profoundly impacted me. While the events I have written about were difficult to relive at times, I also discovered just how incredibly blessed I am. I have seen firsthand the beauty that can come from forgiveness and the power that love can have on a family that had once been so shattered. My hope for you, as a reader, is that maybe you don’t feel alone in your own pain or confusion, and that my story gives you hope that you can get through anything.
People have been through far worse things than my family, as many of our struggles were self-inflicted. I realize more than ever how amazingly, and sometimes painfully, beautiful my life has been, and I am grateful for all of it. There is no way we would all be where we are at this moment without these experiences, and we are closer than we have ever been as a family. Even at our very worst, we had so many times of love and laughter that was alway present, even when I didn’t always realize it.
Greg and I have been re-married for over two years now and celebrated our twenty-sixth (sort of) anniversary on March 21, 2019. Yes, we celebrate two anniversaries every year, because each of them means something very special to us.
Recently, friends and family have been asking me how things are going now that we are back together. I can sense a slight hesitation when they ask, they are probably waiting for me to say, “Well, that was a bad idea!” or “What was I thinking?” The truth is, everything IS fantastic and could not be better! When people ask me how things are going, I find myself trying too hard to explain how happy I am, for fear I might sound like I am faking my happiness, like I did so many times in the past.
Another friend asked me recently, “How did you guys get through everything from the past, and how can you trust again?” For me, there is not one answer to that question, and it’s likely different for other couples who have worked through similar situations. Are there other couples like us out there? We need to have dinner and compare notes!
I thought I would share what has worked for us, what statistically never should have. Even now, we will stop and smile at how we did it. We marvel at how we were able to come back from so much pain and hurt as if time never passed, to be better than we ever were. This is what worked for us, and these same simple actions can work for any relationship.
From our hearts, we both apologized for our mistakes. We both made them. We talked at great length in that booth at Whataburger, and we both chose forgiveness, both in giving it and receiving it. Is it that simple? It sure can be, if you both desire it!
We DO NOT bring up the past if we can avoid it. The past is the past, and absolutely nothing good will be gained by bringing up things we can do nothing about or change. This was a tough one for me, especially after a few glasses of wine and a very active mind!
TIME! Yes, time does heal all wounds and can mend a broken heart. While things will never be forgotten, we don’t let them define who we are now. We are both very different people after ten years apart, but our hearts remain the same, and our hearts were always meant for each other and our family. It just took time, lots of time, to realize that we needed to do something about it.
We hold hands whenever possible, say and do nice things for each other, and do not put ourselves in positions that could possibly hurt the other. No more staying out late with the girls, and cell phones are no longer secret-keepers. We communicate when there is something that needs to be addressed instead of going silent. We are more understanding of each other’s differences now and no longer sweat the small stuff. It really is that easy, and a simple recipe for a successful marriage that simply took a long time for us to figure out.
I have wondered how many couples end up getting remarried after a divorce. I would guess 90 percent want nothing to do with their ex-spouses, just from asking around. But I am always happy to hear when people tell me about their own parents or people they know getting back together. It shows me how strong true love can really be and all that it can endure.
When it comes to all of my marriages, I often explain that I was not trying to catch up to Elizabeth Taylor. I’ve jokingly said that countless times and will probably say it many more. It’s a fun fact that I have been married six times—five if you don’t count the one I married twice. It depends on the day and if I am in a playful mood, which is usually the case, how I will respond when asked about my colorful love life. I find it easier to laugh and joke about myself rather than explain how or why I have said “I do” six times, all before the age of forty-nine. It may sound like I am proud of it, or that I don’t take it seriously, but that is far from the truth. I will carry this scarlet letter around with me forever. I did it, and I have no one to blame but myself.
To be honest, I am embarrassed. I can’t hide it, lie about it, or pretend it never happened. It’s public record and is brought to light every time my credit is pulled. “Are all these people you?” My go-to response is to say I am in the witness protection program and have to change my n
ame a lot. Much easier and less embarrassing than the truth as to why so many different last names pop up.
There is no question people were hurt, most of all my own children and the children of the men I married. I was unintentionally selfish, thinking I was doing the right thing each and every time. Those children were amazing, and I cared about them all deeply. I hope they all know that they deserved better than what I could give them as their stepmother, and that it was only out of my own weakness that I felt overwhelmed much of the time. Maybe I was overwhelmed because my own children were still young or because Dawson was in a particularly difficult phase. I was barely hanging on, trying to raise my own.
I know it may sound like a lame excuse, but with all of my heart and all that I am, I went into each relationship thinking, “THIS is the one! I love him, and he is perfect for me and my children. We will all be one, happily blended family. Easy peasy!”
The truth is, I don’t think I was ever capable of loving anyone else the way I should have, and obviously the relationships did not have a strong enough foundation to endure the challenges. While I probably deserve to be cursed at, made fun of and judged harshly, I wasn’t the only one to blame for things falling apart. In the words of Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock, “It takes two to make a thing go right.” The same applies for when things go wrong.
I never went into a marriage thinking, “Oh my gosh, it will be SO FUN to get divorced in a few months! I love losing thousands of dollars, being an embarrassment to my family and hurting children, this will be AWESOME!” Getting divorced sucks. One would think that after each divorce I would have reevaluated, been more careful, more selective, moved slower. I can’t answer why I didn’t, despite pleas from my children, family and friends. Each time I felt like I knew exactly what I was doing, but I realize now I was desperately trying to fill the giant hole in my broken heart.
There were plenty of family members who would try to get me to think clearly and take things slower, but I just would not listen. I think sometimes that I was attractive to men because I had money and could take care of myself financially. Unfortunately, more than once, that turned into me taking care of their financial troubles, which only came to light after the ink had dried.
I have always been terrible with arguments and confrontation, so when those situations would arise, I had no idea how to handle them. In all the years that Greg and I have been married, we’ve hardly fought, about anything, so it was something I had minimal experience with. Greg has never been condescending, and he’s never said mean things to me, even in the worst of times. My father and my brothers are just as kind, considerate and respectful. I had never personally experienced a man with a quick temper, a condescending tone or a mean side.
Of course, there were wonderful times with all of my ex-husbands, and yes, most still live in Texas. I was filled with hope and love in the beginning, or I would never have married them. I will always look back with a smile on the good times, the laughter, the experiences, and I will be forever grateful. They all had incredibly kind families who opened their arms to me and my kids. I very much regret any pain they endured as a result of my mistakes.
I have wanted to write my story for so long. The one thing holding me back was fear of what people would think, and that I hadn’t figured out the proper ending. I thought my story would be about finding true love again with someone else, and the ending would be that love story. Even though I dreamed of Greg and me getting back together many times over the years, I never really thought it would happen. I even had my title, “Rounding Home,” picked out, years before I wrote a single page. I thought how cute the title would be if we ever did get back together . . . That dream became the most beautiful reality. Now it’s time for the good stuff!!
My girls are all doing fantastic. They are following their passions in life and are in strong, loving, and committed relationships. Hayley and Brenna are now married to wonderful men. Sophia is engaged to be married in December of 2020 to Harrison, her high school sweetheart who I adore beyond words. I believe that everything that happened in their childhood shaped them to be resilient in so many areas.
Brenna and Robby have two children now and we are loving being grandparents. Best of all, they moved back to Texas and live just a few minutes from us. Brenna is in beauty school and set to graduate in early 2020, after spending four years as a brave military wife. In her free time, which is not much these days, she does photography on the side, and is very talented. She is an incredible mama. It’s amazing to watch my once very strong-willed child, who went through so much as a teenager, blossom into a strong woman and mother in all the right ways. Her husband, Robby, proudly served our country in the Army and is now taking college classes, preparing for his next career and life after the military.
Hayley and Sam were married in the fall of 2018. She has always been our little entrepreneur and is always involved with various endeavors. Hayley is, quite honestly, the rock of the family and one of the most courageous and strong women I know. She never gave up on her dreams, while always being a wonderful big sister to her siblings and, most of all, a wonderful daughter. The only way to describe her is that she is “pure sunshine.” Her husband, Sam, is the son of Dr. Wakefield, who I spoke about in the book. How about that fun twist of fate? Best of all, just as I was wrapping up this book, I was informed that they are expecting their first baby! We are so proud and honored that our family is now part of the Wakefield legacy.
Sophia is about to graduate college with honors, and she plans on becoming a special education teacher. She has also started her own successful videography business, filming weddings on the weekends. Most of all, Sophia is healthy and the happiest I have ever seen her. Thinking back to the time when she tried to take her own life seems unreal now. She makes the choice every day to get better mentally and physically, and I thank God every day that she does. She is the daughter who goes above and beyond, making sure everyone feels important and loved, another ray of sunshine in our lives! She is the one who tells me every single day how much she loves and appreciates me, and she would literally do anything for her brother Dawson. I have to thank her fiancé, Harrison, for the gift of being such a supportive and encouraging figure in her life. These two will no doubt take on the world as husband and wife!
To say how much I love my girls is an impossible task. They have all endured so much in their lives and have all grown into amazing young women, when they had every excuse not to be. They put up with so much when I was not of sound mind and body for so long, and never once did they make me feel bad about it. While they all faced challenges as teenagers, we all survived, and we all learned valuable lessons, every muddy step of the way. Would I ever go back to those years? Oh, heck no! I think I am still exhaling from the stress of it all. But, I am beyond proud of the women they are today. They are the kind of daughters any mother would be blessed to have. I thank God, that mother is me.
Now let’s talk about Dawson. This precious young man turned eighteen years old on February 4th, 2019, and has changed so many lives in so many ways. He still has his good and bad days, and there are still times when he is sad or in pain and we have no idea what is wrong or how to help him. He had his spinal fusion in the summer of 2018 and grew three more inches once his spine was straightened out. He went into surgery 6'0" and came out nine hours later 6'3".
We still do not have solid answers about his mysterious neuromuscular disease, but whatever it is, it is progressing very slowly, and he is walking just fine. I am happy to say the wheelchair I bought a few years ago is collecting dust in our garage. He still cannot speak at all, but he speaks volumes with his sweet smile and expressive eyes. He has been to hell and back, most recently surviving sepsis shortly after his spine surgery that could have easily killed him. He is a true fighter, and while we have no idea what his future looks like, his whole family will be fighting right beside him.
Being an autism mom will always have its tough days. There are times when I look at him with inte
nse sadness for the life he should have had. The life that, I believe, was taken from him, due to a simple round of vaccines he should have waited to receive when he was healthier. While I think his neuromuscular disease is a product of bad genetic luck, I believe his autism and brain damage are from me not listening to my motherly intuition.
People will argue this fact with me for the rest of my life, and that is okay. I respect other people’s thoughts on the subject, just as I would like my thoughts to be respected. There is a safe way to vaccinate, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all protocol, as we are programmed to believe. We saw it happen right before our eyes, and Dawson pays the price every single day.
I know there isn’t such thing as Stage 4 autism, but that is what I call it when I try and describe Dawson’s situation. When I say Dawson has Stage 4 autism, it helps whoever I am talking to, understand just how profoundly autistic he is.
It is no fault of the person I am speaking with when they say things like “Does he play a musical instrument really well?” or “I bet he is really good at math!” And my favorite: “Does he know all the baseball stats?” I will laugh and say he can’t do any of those things, but hot damn, he can out-whistle anyone!
People also often tell me how their brother, uncle or nephew has autism and do amazing things, like participate in sports, play in the band, or even attend college with some help. I am so happy when I hear success stories about people living with autism. It shows how early diagnosis, therapy, a supportive school, and a loving family can make a significant impact on a child’s future that once may have seemed bleak. Those people have what I call Stage 1 or 2 autism. Yes, they still have challenges in their everyday lives and may always need help with specific tasks that seem easy to others. They can go on to form lasting friendships, hold down a job, and even get married someday. But that will never be true for Dawson because he has Stage 4 autism.
Rounding Home: A Memoir of Love, Betrayal, Heartbreak, and Hope with an Intimate Look into Raising a Child with Severe Autism Page 21
