Right now, it’s Enzo and I trying to keep this show together. His dad, Leo, figured it out pretty damn fast. Mostly because Enzo told him, which I understand–– he’s lucky to have such an honest relationship with his pops-- but Chloe was all bent out of shape about it. Didn’t want to tell anyone yet, but Enzo was all, Bella, this is how families work. We tell one another stuff that is important.
Which makes perfect sense to him and me, but Chloe isn’t exactly used to normative family dynamics.
“I just don’t understand why you told him,” she hisses on the back porch after she got clued into the fact that Leo knew of her condition.
“He is my father. I love him. He loves me; therefore, he loves you.”
“You don’t understand,” she says, exasperated. “It’s our story to tell, not just yours.”
“Is this how it’s always going to be?” he asks, exasperated. “You getting pissed at me for making my own decisions?”
I raise my eyebrows and step back into the house, letting those two quarrel in paradise without me.
What I need is some fun; I want to celebrate. This news is a fucking miracle. Our Chloe is having our baby. It’s the best scenario I never imagined for myself. A father.
Damn, it’s so fucking great.
“What are you so happy about?” Noah asks, scowling as he pours himself some coffee. Apparently our high from the orgy the other night wore off. Noah is all doom and gloom, joining Ethan in the corner for the lonely-hearts club. Only this one is of their own making and no one is asking them to stay. Apparently, they are under the impression that they have an all-access pass.
“What’s your deal? I’m tired of you moping around here like you got some bad news.”
Noah scoffs. “You don’t get it. You’re apparently all ready to daddy-up, but I don’t know, man, I’ve never changed a diaper. What do I know about all this?”
I lift an eyebrow, royally pissed. “You are so fucking far from the mark,” I tell him. “And I’m smiling because today is the doctor appointment. We get to hear the heartbeat. That is something to smile about.”
Ethan comes into the kitchen. Catching my last few words.
“What do you think the doctor is gonna think about all four of us coming in with Chloe?”
I shake my head, having had enough. “You guys are such fucking pansies, you know that? This is Chloe. Our Chloe, and you’re wondering what some asshole doctor thinks? Why should we care about that stranger when Chloe is halfway to her breaking point at any goddamn second?”
I storm from the kitchen, not waiting for a goddamn response. Not like I’d get one that would satisfy me anyway.
Outside I find Leo. He’s got a beach chair and a paperback thriller. He’s got the right fucking idea.
“How did you do it?” I ask him.
“Handle what, exactly?”
“Handle relationships. You were married for over twenty years, right?” I remember Enzo’s mom. She died a long time ago, but damn that woman could make a mean meatloaf and always remembered birthdays. She wasn’t the sort of woman a kid would ever forget.
“Yep, twenty-six, to be exact. And having Enzo was our whole world. But that was different than what you boys are playing at.”
I resent him for calling us boys, but I get where he’s coming from. However old school it might be, because this love for Chloe is the exact opposite. It is divided into quarters, but also one whole. It’s complicated as hell, and even though the math works out in my head, I know it doesn’t work for everyone else.
“I’m scared, man,” I admit. “Scared that the woman I love and my oldest, dearest friends aren’t gonna be able to pull through on the other side with this,” I remember the stony silence that enveloped the living room the other night when Chloe told us the news.
It rocked all our worlds.
But not everything survives a storm.
“You can’t be scared. I may have only had one partner and one son, but I know a lot about love. You can’t give up on it, and you’ve always gotta operate on the belief that we’re all doing the best we can.”
His words choke me up, like I’m a goddamn sucker. But hell, they’re pretty damn sweet to consider.
“You talk to Enzo like this?”
Leo raises his shoulders, gives me the Italian hems and haws and I ask what that means exactly. “It means, Enzo doesn’t ask about this, because it is engraved on the marrow of his bones, Mason. It’s who he is. Sure, he may fight with Chloe or be mad over things that don’t really matter at the end of the day but he isn’t out here asking philosophical questions because he already knows the answer.”
“And what’s that again?” I ask, wanting so badly to follow.
“It means Enzo already knows what he is fighting for, there is no doubt. He’s all in. When you get to that place, there is no reasoning. He isn’t asking my permission or acceptance because how I feel doesn’t make a lick of a difference to him. He knows who he loves and he doesn’t need to make sure I’m okay with that.”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous.”
Leo nods. “Look, son, at the end of the day, only one of you boys is the father but if you love Chloe, what difference does that make?”
I push my lips forward, understanding him completely.
The only problem is, I am one of four and I have a feeling at least half of us sees this from a very different point of view.
Chapter 50
CHLOE
So, there we are, all sitting in a doctor’s office, and my hands are shaking. The elephant in the room is the size of a pea.
To say we are on edge is an understatement.
Mason and Enzo have been nothing but positive this week. I’m talking mint tea delivered in bed each morning–– my morning sickness cure–– and they hired a housecleaner to come every day to help with laundry and dishes so I don’t have to think about anything, which is so amazing but still, we’ve avoided really talking about the pregnancy. We agreed last week that we would wait until a doctor confirmed it before got to the nitty-gritty details of what this will mean.
Thankfully the guys are busy with work for most of the day, but they must be tense as heck out at sites too because foul moods enter the house every afternoon.
I canceled with Harlow a few days ago, feeling weird about going out with a stranger now that I was pregnant, and not sure how in the world I would choose just one guy to be my date.
She texted back right away saying no worries, but still, there was a pang of regret that I was missing out on getting to know another woman. The need to connect with other ladies right now is so raw and real, but how am I supposed to do that in this condition? But then she texted again, a day later, asking if I wanted to meet up on her next day off to grab coffee. I replied yes, thinking not having to decide on which guy to bring along might make things easier. I appreciated her effort and promised myself not to cancel a second time in a row.
When the doctor enters the room, and introduces herself as Dr. Brown, we all smile and tell her our names.
“It’s a big group for the first visit. Usually, it’s just the mother and a partner or family member. How are all of you connected?”
Dr. Brown smiles warmly, taking a seat as she is swiping her tablet screen, presumably pulling up my information. I already peed in a cup when I arrived at the office and assume she has the results.
The guys look at me and I take the lead. It is what I want to do. I spent some time doing intense therapy before leaving California, after Mason’s accident, and I no longer care what a random doctor thinks about my unconventional relationship. “They are my partners, all of them.” I fold my hands in my lap, shoulders straight, and meet her gaze. I may be nervous in a thousand and one ways right now, but none of it is because I am unsure of how I feel about the men with me today.
“Oh, uh, all of you are, um, right, of course.” She lifts her eyebrows and smiles wide. I’m sure she has had some sort of training
on how to be politically correct in a situation like that, and I’m glad she’s been taught to swallow whatever might be popping into her mind right now.
Still, what she says next surprises me. “That’s wonderful, that you have a built-in support system. You are going to need that over the next, well, forever.” She smiles warmly and I see Mason nodding in agreement.
Why do I always assume the worst of people? Like, automatically decide people are going to offend me or hurt me or let me down?
Then I remember a counseling session, how I had to be reminded over and over that my past trauma doesn’t define my future. That not everyone is out to hurt me just because I have been hurt in the past.
I take a deep breath. “I know it’s different. But it is ours. I’m really thankful I’m not in this alone.” I reach for Noah and Enzo’s hands, as they sit on either side of me, and squeeze them.
“When you say she’ll need a support system, is that because...” Enzo begins.
Dr. Brown nods. “Yes, congratulations, Chloe. You are very much pregnant.”
I pull my hands from the guys’ and cover my mouth in shock. Even though I knew this was true for a hundred reasons ... sore breasts, tired, nauseous, late on my cycle, I still wondered if maybe it was all a silly dream I concocted out of thin air.
But no. It is real.
I’m having a baby.
The guys are looking at me expectantly, and that is when I burst out into tears.
Goodness, what is with the freaking waterworks?
Dr. Brown hands me a tissue and asks if I’d like a minute alone with her.
The guys don’t wait for me to answer. They stand and head to the door. “Tell her whatever it is that’s on your mind,” Ethan says, pressing his hand to my cheek before he leaves the room.
“Guess they thought you needed a moment alone?”
I shrug. “I think they just know I am holding a lot back and want me to get it off my chest.”
“Do you want to be pregnant?” she asks me directly.
“Um, I mean, I...” My words falter. I don’t know what to say. Or maybe I do know what to say, I just don’t know how to say it.
“We are in no rush,” she says. “Island time.” She smiles again, that warm, sand-in-my-toes smile. A smile that says maybe everything is going to be okay.
“I just don’t know if I am cut out to be a mother,” I admit.
“So, is it the pressure of your relationship with all those men?”
“God, no,” I say vehemently. “Not at all. I love them. They’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Then what is it, Chloe? I know we just met, but I’m a medical professional. What you say is safe with me.”
“I’m mostly scared that I won’t be a good mom. That I’ll let the men I love down because I’m not cut out to be a mother.”
I look up at Dr. Brown, surprised by my own confession. I usually hold my cards close to me with people I don’t know, but maybe it’s been a growing need for a while–– this admission of how I feel.
“And have you spoke about this with your, er, men?” she asks tactfully.
“No,” I say. Shaking my head, I add, “How exactly am I supposed to tell the men I love most in this world that I don’t know if I want their child?”
I bite my bottom lip, struggling with how to say more, but the need to keep talking claws its way up my throat, forcing me to spill the beans. “I’m scared if they knew how I feel, they would reject me. And I can’t lose what we have. It’s the best thing I’ve ever had in my entire life.”
“Do you want to tell me more about that? Why do you feel they are the best thing that has ever happened to you? Surely other good things have happened to you. I see here in your chart that you’re twenty-three years old.”
“I didn’t exactly have a storybook upbringing.”
“Well, Chloe, it might surprise you to know, but most people don’t.”
“No, mine was worse. My mom abandoned me when I was little. I spent my childhood being tossed around foster homes. I never had anyone I could count on, depend on. I certainly never had a family.”
“I see. And these men, they offer you a family?”
I close my eyes thinking about all the memories I share with Mason, Noah, Enzo, and Ethan. It is more than long walks on the beach and mind-blowing sex. Although both those things certainly have played a role in creating this picture-perfect life. But there is more to us than that. I’m thinking about the way they cradle me in their arms as we tell one another our deepest secrets and darkest desires. It’s the way I’m comfortable in my own skin with them, the very best version of myself.
At least, I was before I found out I was pregnant.
Now? Now I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Scared that if they find out who I really am, how I really feel about this baby, they won’t want me all.
“These men like the Chloe they know. But the Chloe I just told you about, the Chloe who has no idea how to do this next part-- being a parent–– they might not like that girl very much. And if they don’t like her, where would that leave me?”
“Chloe, you have a lot on your mind. It’s not uncommon for a woman who’s just found out about an unplanned pregnancy to wrestle with many things similar to this. It’s natural.”
I wipe away a tear away. “This is natural?”
“Natural-ish,” Dr. Brown says, smiling.
I don’t understand. Here I am baring my soul and she’s smiling serenely.
“Chloe, I’ve been a practicing OB/GYN for twenty years. I’ve seen it all. Maybe not a young woman with four partners exactly, but early in pregnancy there are so many hormones surging through your body. You are filled with so many highs and lows as your body begins growing a person, that we don’t see things exactly as they are.”
“Are you saying I’m crazy?”
“No, I’m calling you pregnant. And I think it might be crazy if you weren’t thinking about things like this right now. Wondering where this massive shift in the reality of it puts you. It’s healthy to question, to consider. In fact, that characteristic is what would make someone a good parent. Not just thinking about themselves but thinking about a family dynamic as a whole. I’m really proud of you.”
Her words pierce something deep inside of me, like a balloon in my heart, that has started to thin and is running out of air. She makes a sharp cut and I can breathe.
“Thank you. I can’t really believe I just told you all that, though...”
“You told me that because it needed to get it off your chest. But I’m not the person who you really need to be talking to. I think there are a few men out there who deserve to hear how you’re feeling. You’re not gonna figure out what to do next unless you are willing to talk to them about it.”
“And what if my truth scares them and they walk away? What then?”
Dr. Brown’s lips turn into a firm line. She nods her head and answers without compromise. “Then, Chloe, you make a new plan. But you don’t need to make a plan until you find out if the one you have right now works. It’s not the time for plan B yet.”
“I don’t know who the father is,” I tell her. Having all this out in the open causes my shoulders to drop in relief. I’ve been holding so much back.
And this is the last scary thing I’ve held back. I’m terrified about not knowing who the father is, and even more terrified of finding out. It could effortlessly break our perfect family into five jagged edges.
“But you have to speak up and find out, Chloe,” she says simply.
I smile and can’t help but laugh. There is relief in that, in the not knowing.
And right now, I didn’t need every problem solved. Maybe right now, I just needed the confirmation that it’s okay to have a problem at all.
“Are you ready to hear the heartbeat?” Dr. Brown asks.
I nod, realizing I am. I don’t know how to do this ... or even if I want this ... but I do want to make sure that the baby is hea
lthy, growing, whole.
NOAH
Hearing the baby’s heartbeat really threw me for a loop. Tears were streaming down Chloe’s face. Mason and Enzo were all teary-eyed too. The steady thump-thump-thump eased all of our minds to some degree. A healthy baby was the most important thing, of course, but confirming that she was, in fact, carrying a child–– a child belonging to one of us–– brought on a whole onslaught of other things to consider.
In this moment, Chloe looks so freaking happy. Maybe it was a look that registered her absolute relief that the baby was okay.
But I know there’s a hell of a lot of fear in her eyes too. But there’s something about hearing a baby’s heartbeat that can make everything hard in the world seem soft for just one moment. All of us there felt it, even Dr. Brown. She held a wand over Chloe’s flat belly as the baby’s steady heartbeat echoed throughout the room. The sound caught all of us off guard. It was fucking perfection.
On the way home, Chloe told us she wanted to talk, so we made a bonfire that night, right on the beach after Leo went back to his hotel. We brought out snacks and sparkling water– Chloe’s beverage of choice tonight. We had dried mango and trail mix. Not exactly wild and crazy, but even with all this baby mama drama, we still had jobs to do. And that meant staying in shape. We were out most days, shooting raw footage to turn into our videos.
I love it here on Oahu. We head out most mornings in Waikiki, jump in the Jeep and head to an empty beach to set up the tripod, snap on a GoPro. Sometimes pulling out a surfboard or some shit–– climbing gear or the parasail and just having a good time. In our videos, we talk a lot of shit, make jokes, shoot the breeze. Mostly we are ourselves.
Chloe thinks it’s our personalities that get us more and more views each day, and now that we’re free now, no longer held by the Black Bull sponsorship, we are freer than ever. We can say what we like, without needing to censor ourselves.
And with Chloe making magic behind the scenes, the sky is the limit. She is so freaking good with budgets and marketing but more than that, it’s like she really believes in what we are doing: showing people parts of the world they would never see on their own.
Our Love Story: An MMFMM Romance Page 22
