With a low growl, he twisted the top half of his body up and swung his legs around, dropping his feet to the floor with a light thud. Elbows planted on his bent knees, he braced his forehead in his hands. “Fuck.”
I sighed as I sank down beside him, clapping a hand around his shoulder through the stained white shirt. I couldn’t even fucking begin to comprehend what he was feeling. After everything he’d lost this year, it was a miracle he was still functioning—even like this.
Ren had been like a brother since pre-K, as close to family as you could get without sharing the same blood. I couldn’t undo any of the shit he’d experienced, but I fucking would get him through it. Right now, he needed less kid gloves and more boxing gloves.
With a hard slap to his back, I stood and looked down at him.
Murky, bloodshot eyes travelled up and came to rest on mine, pooled with despair and regret. With every poor decision he’d ever made, every tragic twist of fate. I had to gulp past the ball wedged in my windpipe. I fucking hated this for him. Hated seeing him like this.
Clearing my throat loudly, I dipped my head and cracked my palms together.
He was going to have to face it. There was no other way around it. It might hurt like a bitch, but he had to deal with it to move forward. They both did. Guilt took hold of me. I’d made zero effort to see how the other casualty in all of this was doing.
“Up,” I clipped, moving through the doorway, and into the bathroom. “I’ll get the shower running. You get your ass in it.” I snagged a towel from the closet and pitched it to him. “I’ve got somewhere I need to go for a few minutes. You good?”
He looked up at me and blinked slowly. His dark expression suggested I should get the fuck out of his sight. Whistling low through pursed lips, I tapped two fingers against my head in a salute and retraced my steps down the hall.
For the second time today, it felt like I was trying to drag lumps of lead across the trailer park as I headed to Riley’s place. A debilitating sense of remorse made the short walk feel like trekking through clay.
Standing outside of Riley’s trailer, I raised my hand and drummed my fingers lightly against the door, waiting a second before reaching for the knob. Then I paused, hand suspended in mid-air. I never used to think twice about letting myself into Riley’s place unannounced, the same way I never had with Ren. I’d practically lived at both of their places when we were kids.
As my gaze slowly tracked around the park, images of Riley with her blonde hair in curly pigtails and a band aid covering one scrape or another played out in my head like a film reel. My hand fell.
She wasn’t that girl anymore. I wasn’t the moon-eyed boy who followed her every move anymore, either.
We weren’t kids anymore. None of us.
My attention shifted back to the door, and I gave a solid rap before taking a step back. A shuffle sounded before it swung open, revealing the heart-shaped face and emerald green eyes of Riley Mason. I’d only seen her a handful of times since school let out, but I hadn’t checked in enough.
Once upon a time, I’d look at her and every ounce of blood would rush to my dick. It didn’t happen now. Hadn’t for a long while. The thought of her and Ren had messed with my head and left a bitter taste in my mouth a few months back. I was well over it now. Anyone with eyes in their head could see they belonged together. Life kept ripping them apart.
“Hi.” She smiled, her eyes warm but wary.
I still loved her as a friend, and cared about her, but I hadn’t been there when she’d needed me. I doubted she even had. She’d had Lissa…
The face belonging to the name flashed through my mind, and I felt that familiar shift in my pulse, the same random little kick that threw me for a loop whenever she dropped into my head.
The Snow Queen had done a number on me, and the callous fucking way she’d cut me down still smarted. When I let my thoughts linger on her for too long, they tended to stray toward the kind of territory I wasn’t interested in venturing into. The kind where I tried to figure out what the fuck I’d done wrong. I gave my head a firm shake and looked at Ri.
“Can I come in?”
She hesitated, catching her lip between her teeth. Uncertainty flashed across her green eyes as she tucked a section of tousled blonde hair behind her ear. Then her fingers closed around the edge of the door and she eased it back, holding it wide to let me pass.
My eyes swept around the room, noting how tidy the place was. It looked neater than I’d ever seen it. Daylight streamed in through gleaming windows and it smelled like fresh laundry. The pull-out bed was in couch form, small square cushions and patterned throw blankets positioned strategically on it.
Not that they usually lived like pigs or anything, but the last time I saw the couch folded back was… never. And Riley’s mom worked most nights, so it was usually dark during the day.
“Place looks great,” I voiced my thoughts.
Riley’s eyes followed my wandering gaze, and she hitched a shoulder up, a light smile touching her lips. “My mom’s been home a lot. She reduced her hours at the club, bought some fancy cushions, baked a cake. She’s being all mom like.”
I bobbed my head. “She’s killing it.”
Riley’s quiet chuckle was like music to my ears, and my chest filled with affection. She’d had people around her. When she’d needed them, the people she loved had stepped up. It didn’t alleviate my guilt much, but I was glad.
I moved to the narrow table and wrapped a hand around the wooden chair back. “You okay?” I asked, voice low.
Her eyes filmed instantly, and I wanted to snatch the words back then kick my own ass. When the opportunity presented itself, I never fucking failed to put my foot in my mouth. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” she shushed me with a wave of her hand, her pink-tipped fingers swiping at her cheeks. “I’m okay.”
I gave one curt nod, not wanting to push and not sure what the fuck to say next. My gaze inadvertently travelled over her shoulder and out the window to the far side of the trailer park. To where Ren was trying to fit the pieces of his life back together. I cleared my throat and shoved my hands in my pockets, voice gruff. “Have you seen him at all?”
Riley’s breath escaped in a rush, arms coming up to wrap tight around her body. Those glassy eyes flitted away as she shook her head and croaked, “No.”
Bringing my gaze back to her pale face, I noticed the dark smudges beneath her eyes, the sharper cut of her cheekbones. She rolled her lips together as I studied her, then moved to the kitchen with a deep breath in.
“You want anything?” She turned to face me. “There’s cake. It’s uh… edible.”
I smiled. “Wow. Now, there’s a ringing endorsement.”
She turned back to me with a small grin. “You should consider yourself lucky. Liss had to act as guinea pig.”
The name dropped between us like an invisible lead balloon, and Riley folded her arms over her chest as her knowing eyes sought mine. “She survived the taste test. In case you were worried.”
I flicked up a brow. “Way to deflect.”
Her rose lips hitched up a little on one side as she grabbed the dishcloth tucked through the stove handle and started folding it. “She leaves in a couple of days.”
My jaw tightened, and I worked to loosen it, schooling my expression, and forcing my shoulders to relax. “Good for her.”
Setting the cloth down on the counter, Riley blinked slowly and locked me in her shrewd gaze. I could almost feel it probing, like an insect crawling around inside my skull.
My fingers scratched at my head instinctively, and I threw her a scowl. “Quit that.”
“What?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Dissecting my brain from the outside. It’s fucking creepy.”
Her quiet laughter shook her slim shoulders, the slightest hint of color pinking her cheeks. Until her quiet chuckles subsided, and her face turned serious. “What happened there, Le? Liss confid
ed in me about something I won’t repeat, but you guys had this ceasefire going, and then the next thing I know, she’s back to wanting to lop off your balls with a meat cleaver. What happened?”
Something pulled at my chest, and I looked away, clearing my throat. “Nothing.”
Nothing. Before I’d even said the word, I knew it was a lie. Still wasn’t sure what the hell had happened between us, but it wasn’t nothing. If it was, I wouldn’t still be fucking thinking about it after all these months of radio silence. Saying it out loud didn’t make the lie any easier to swallow. Or the rejection easier to take.
At the time, I probably hadn’t thought much beyond getting into Lissa’s pants. Since then, though, I’d thought about her way more often than I had any reason to. I’d glimpsed the person behind that wall of ice; had a taste that left me wanting more.
I couldn’t go back to thinking about her the way I did before.
It was the rejection. Had to be. She’d dangled the carrot, then took it away, and now she had me yearning for shit I couldn’t have. Now she’d morphed into something unattainable—a girl I’d let slip through my fingers before I’d realized I might just want to hold on to her.
But considering she’d told me in no uncertain terms to fuck off—coupled with the fact she was heading out of state for the next few years—it would never happen. Might as well get it out of my head.
“You’re telling me nothing happened?” Riley’s voice cut through my introspection. “I know you guys kissed, and something happened at Liss’ party. Danny told me.”
Fucking Danny and his giant pie hole. My left hand joined my right on the back of the chair, and I lifted it, tucking it under the table before meeting Riley’s inquisitive stare. “No. I’m telling you nothing happened that we need to talk about.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she fit her hands on her slim hips with a short huff. “Fine. Don’t tell me. But you’re both idiots.”
I snickered and snagged the end of her hair, giving it a gentle tug. “Look, Lissa and me… it was… we weren’t… it wasn’t…” Fucking get to the point, jackass! “It would never have worked, okay?”
“Why?” she demanded, brows pinching together.
Because she wouldn’t let it.
I emptied my head of that shit and hit Riley with a pointed look. “Well, for one, she hates me. And second, the chick’s fucking feral.”
Her mouth and eyes shot wide before she reached out and slapped my arm. I grinned and rubbed over the spot.
“Come on. You know what she’s like. It’s goddamn warfare. And her mouth’s her best weapon. I’m not sure my ego could survive it.”
“Whatever.” Ri shook her head, then pointed a finger at me. “You’d be lucky to have her, though, Le. She puts on this tough act, but she’s the most loyal person I know. She doesn’t let just anyone in, but when she does, she loves deeply. Think about that.”
Her words resonated, even as she held up her palms in defeat, silently agreeing to drop the subject. My eyes stayed on her while the sentiment rattled around my brain, taking root.
What the fuck does it matter, anyway? She’s leaving.
I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet. “So, you’re leaving soon?”
Riley’s face fell. “Yeah. Day after tomorrow.”
I narrowed my gaze, quietly scrutinizing her. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” Her voice was little more than a breath, and a curtain of wavy hair fell forward to veil her face as she dipped her head.
Stepping closer, I leaned in and grazed her cheekbone with my lips. “I’m gonna miss you, Ri.”
Her head tilted back up, those big green eyes welling, and I pulled back. “Me, too, Leon.”
Dejection hit for a split second, and I pushed a hand through my hair. “Okay, enough of this mushy shit.” I moved to the door, pausing with a brow quirked and finger pointed before walking through it. “You better not fucking forget me, Wiley Riley.”
She tilted her head and offered a soft smile. “Don’t think I could if I tried, Leon Bradshaw.”
I closed the door to the image of that smile and stalked back to Ren’s, dipping my head in the door, and yelling that I’d be back in ten.
Then I got in my truck and drove across town with no clue what the fuck I was even doing. I eased off the gas and slowed to a crawl as a tall blonde strutted down the familiar driveway in a denim dress that displayed her killer body to perfection. Lissa’s long, toned legs ate up the sidewalk, and my chest expanded on a prolonged intake of breath.
She was always good to look at—my throbbing dick would never let me say otherwise—but right now; I wanted to get out of the truck and get my hands on her. I wanted to touch her and see if she’d react the way she had at Danny’s place, or when I had her pressed up against her car. I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin under my palms, watch her pulse flutter, hear her breath catch in her throat…
I’d played that kiss over in my head more times than I could count.
I’d miss Riley when she left, but I might just miss Lissa more. There was absolutely nothing rational about it. Not counting the ten minutes my lips were on hers, the girl had chewed me out every chance she got for the past ten years. Yet the thought of not seeing her for months, maybe even years? It just didn’t fucking sit right with me anymore. I didn’t fucking like it.
I thrust two hands through my hair and dropped my head back against the rest.
She doesn’t want you, Pretty Boy. She never liked you. Christ, she barely tolerated you.
She’d made that abundantly clear.
But I couldn’t take my gaze from her. Her steps slowed as she neared her car, and she slipped a hand into her pocket to retrieve her phone. She peered down at the screen, then brought it to her ear, and then… she smiled.
A huge, beaming, unguarded fucking smile that transformed her entire face.
My chest puffed out.
I couldn’t think of a time I’d ever seen her smile like that. My fingers strummed the steering wheel distractedly while my eyes stayed glued to her face and my heartbeat sounded in my ears.
I sat there, long after she’d lowered herself into her car and drove away, and all I could think was that she should do that more often…
When she smiled like that, Alissa Bedford was fucking breathtaking.
FOURTEEN
LISS
Don’t do it.
I gnawed on my lower lip as my fingers slid back and forth over the laptop keyboard. Sitting cross-legged on the narrow twin bed in my dorm room at South Coral University with the computer perched on my lap, I wrestled with the urge to look at Leon’s Instagram.
A sharp trill blared from my cell and I startled—dropping the laptop like it was hot and snapping the lid down. I made a grab for the phone and squeezed my fingers around it for a beat, my heart racing. If ever there was a sign not to do something, that was it. Fuck.
A quick glimpse at the screen showed Riley’s smiling face, and I swiped the pad of my thumb across it to answer.
“Hey! Riley! How’s it going?” I grimaced at the high-pitched sound of my voice. Because that wouldn’t sound suspect at all.
Nothing to see here, Ri. No potential stalking of some guy from back home whom I shouldn’t even be thinking about, let alone stalking on social media.
“Uh, you’re chipper tonight. What’s going on?”
Goddammit. I swallowed. “What do I usually sound like?”
“A lot less peppy. What’s up? Is it a guy?”
My eyes skittered back to the closed lid of the laptop, and I slid my foot out along the bed and nudged it farther away from me. There wasn’t much I could hide from Ri, and vice versa, but Leon was a guilty pleasure I didn’t want to share with anyone. Including myself. If only that were possible. Thinking about him now and again, checking out his socials… those things were harmless. Sort of. Probably not, but at least only I knew how low I’d sunk. Talking about him and admitting it out loud, that was s
omething else entirely.
Even if I wanted to share, Riley had dealt with a mountain of crap this past year, real stuff, and I wouldn’t bog her down with my trivial can’t get some guy out of my head bullshit. Not to mention, I now knew the guy in question was likely still in love with her, which meant talking about Leon with Riley would be weird on so many levels.
“Can’t I just be happy to hear from my best friend?”
A quick laugh filtered into my ear. “Nice try. I know you better than that, Lissy. But I won’t push if you’re not ready to talk about it yet. I’m here, though, whenever you’re ready. That hasn’t changed because we’re in different states. You know that, right?”
“Course,” I said, squeezing the word out through thickened vocal cords. “If or when there’s anything to tell, you’ll hear it first.”
“I should think so. I’ve put in ten years of leg work and, like I said, you’re not always pep rally material. It’s been hard freaking work.” I heard the smile in her voice and mellowed a little.
“Wow. Tell it like it is, Wiley Riley.”
She gave a soft chuckle. “Wouldn’t have you any other way, babe.”
The hard lines across my face softened, and I settled back against the wall. “So, how are you, Ri? Really.”
There was a slight pause, followed by a quiet rustling, then, “I’m okay. College is good for me, it is. Getting away from it all. But…” She let the sentence trail off. She didn’t need to finish it. Some things she couldn’t run from.
I traced a fingernail over the skin peeping through the hole in my jeans. “I know, babe. It’ll get better, Ri. I promise it will.”
Her measured inhalation carried through the line. “Enough about me. I’m sick of me. The past two weeks, I’ve answered so many questions about myself, I’ve learned some new stuff.”
A low snort broke from me. “Just do what I do and tell them you’re in the witness protection program. Someone came up to me the other day with a cue card. An actual checklist of questions. What even is that? I’m pretty sure that chick left campus when I told her I was hiding from a violent crime family after witnessing a murder, and everyone I’d ever came into contact with had died with a bullet lodged in their skull.”
Unthinkable: (Unstoppable - Book 2) (The Unstoppable Series) Page 8
