Rising Tide: Dark Innocence

by Claudette Melanson

  *Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, cool,* I thought to myself. *Ron is a classic-rock fan.*

  A little to the left of the second banner stood a battered dresser with a small round mirror. There were pictures taped around its edges. I eased slowly, carefully, off the bed to go examine them. Maybe I’d find the mystery birthday girl there. At the top right was one of his mother, only she looked much younger. I guessed the child in her arms had to be Ron? He had a head full of dark hair even as a small baby. There were a couple of other pictures of him with her in various stages of his childhood. He must have been very close to her to allow those out for any passing eye to gaze upon.

  On the opposite side were three photos of him with Shane. One had a couple of other guys included. Shane was on drums, and both a bass player and lead singer stood with them.

  So, Ron was in a band? I felt funny he’d never mentioned that detail. Well, never in the two weeks I’d been getting to know him. Drumming, Shane looked very serious, a sharp contrast to the other two photos. In those, he wore his usual comically-manic expression, always trying to get a laugh from those around him. An admirable trait in my opinion. It never felt bad to laugh.

  I jumped when I turned back to face the bed because Ron was propped up on one elbow looking at me. “Oh! You’re awake,” I fairly gasped in surprise.

  He just grinned at me. I really loved that grin.

  “I was just…your pictures…” I wondered if my expression looked as lame as my voice sounded, like a thief caught red-handed.

  “Now, no teasing me about my baby fat or bowl haircut.” He was mockingly stern.

  “Oh! I wouldn’t.” I was sure my eyes were as huge as they felt. They ached slightly with strain.

  “Relax, Maura. It’s okay. I don’t mind at all. I mean we’re running out of chances to get to know each other.” He regretted reminding us, by the look on his face.

  I quickly changed the topic. “Hey, I just remembered a minute ago I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. Would you mind taking me?” I realized that would be totally boring and quickly added, “Sorry, I know it’s not really exciting, but…”

  “I’d love to!” My most favorite smile on Earth was still in place. “See, you can even make the dentist’s office sound exciting.” We both laughed at that.

  “Well…I doubt that, but thanks!” I thought back to the pictures. “So, you’re in a band?”

  I thought he may have been blushing...just a little. “Yeah, we’re just getting started, but it’s a lot of fun. We haven’t had any gigs yet, though.”

  “I’m sure you will!” I imagined myself with groupie status for a moment. “Shane plays the drums?”

  “Yep! He’s got GREAT rhythm. Hey! You should come to a practice sometime and hear us play.”

  “I would love that!” I played out the scenario for a second inside my head and realized, “But it’s probably after school hours or on the weekend. Maybe we could convince Mom…”

  He rolled his eyes. “Awww, c’mon…believe me; it’s not that hard to convince any of those guys to lay out of school.”

  “Geez, I feel like such a horrible influence.” I put my head down a bit because I really did. “And we really do have to go back to school tomorrow. We don’t want to fail our finals.”

  “I guess so.” He didn’t look at all like he wanted to. “It’s just so hard to think about any of that with you leaving. I know it sounds stupid, but you just seem like the only really important thing going on right now.” He lowered his eyes.

  “I know what you mean,” I agreed. I couldn’t say that being at the forefront of his mind didn’t make me feel really happy, though. I snapped back into responsible mode. “But…if you failed your senior year, I could never forgive myself. If I fail junior year…well, I may not be breathing for much longer…”

  “Yes, and breathing is good.” He nodded his head knowingly, and I laughed again. “Okay, well, I guess two days is doable this week?”

  “Definitely!” That nagging worry Caelyn was going to find out about my skipping school subsided a bit.

  We spent the rest of the day playing games, besides the few songs I begged Ron into playing and the fabulous lunch his mother made for us. We stopped briefly back at my house, so I could scrub the garlic bread and spaghetti off my teeth before my dental appointment, and then we were off.

  “Oh…Maura…but…” The receptionist scanned her computer screen for some detail she was missing, obviously confused by my arrival. “Yes! Your mother did call to cancel your hygiene appointment last week.” So, she really wasn’t coming to meet me.

  I felt utterly confused. “She did?” I asked, unconvinced. My mother was big on regular checkup appointments, dentist included.

  “Sure did, see?” The receptionist turned the screen around so I could see her notation.

  I turned to Ron, embarrassed. “She never said anything to me about canceling. This is so not like her…”

  The perky blonde behind the counter scanned the monitor further. “Oh! But we did have a cancellation. Would you like to take the spot?”

  I couldn’t imagine Caelyn canceling my yearly cleaning. There must be some mistake, so I said, “Yes. Definitely will take that. We’re moving to a new city…well, country soon, and I’d much rather have Dr. Aurora.”

  “No problem! I’ll just put you right in. That’ll be a just a few minutes.”

  Ron and I went to sit in the small waiting room, each pretending to read some lame magazine from the array spread across the glass-topped table in the middle of the floor.

  “I really hate the dentist,” he confessed with a mischievous smile. “Better you than me!”

  I elbowed him playfully. “Well, you know, I can see if they have a spot open for you too.”

  “No way! I hate the taste of that stuff they polish your teeth with!”

  “Ugghh, but the fluoride is waaaaay worse!” Suddenly, I dreaded the appointment a bit more than I had before.

  “Maura.” A smiling dental assistant was calling my name, her sneakered foot propping the door to the operatory open.

  “Too late to back out now.” Ron gave me a wink.

  “You wanna come back with me?” I was sorry as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

  But he rose, to my surprise. “Need me to hold your hand?” That earned him a hard, pointy elbow to the ribs.

  The smiling brunette—no wonder she was smiling; she was on the delivering end of those dental instruments—lead us to the last room. I settled as much as I could into the leather chair, considering my heightened anxiety. I wondered briefly if anyone liked going to the dentist, then pondered over how strange it was to see my handsome love interest seated in the spot my mother had so often occupied.

  “Okay then, Sweetie, let’s get your bitewings done.” I was willing to bet the dental assistant wouldn’t have been as cheerful if she were having hard-edged little x-ray films shoved down into her gums—and in front of an infallibly cute boy. I noticed her nametag read ‘Charlotte.’ She had a heavy southern accent. A Confederate transplant.

  There was more waiting before Dr. Aurora finally came in and started poking around my mouth with that sharp little hook-shaped instrument. She stopped as she came around to my right canine, poking around and tapping on the tooth, giving that one considerably much more attention than she had the other teeth.

  “Charlotte!” She called the dental assistant back in. “I want x-rays of the canines, 1-3 and 2-3 here.” She called out the tooth numbers to the girl. There was more jabbing of film and me feeling self-conscious in front of Ron.

  When the digital film was developed and came up on the computer screen, Dr. Aurora studied the image for a long time without saying anything. She looked more like a model, or possibly a Barbie doll than a dentist. Her hands were just as delicate as her facial features, and she had an innate gentleness which made her a very desirable choice for a coward like me. In ten years as my dentist, she’d never caused me p
ain.

  “Where is your mother today?” she asked in her still-heavy Romanian accent.

  “I think she forgot about my appointment,” I answered sheepishly. “I just happened to remember.”

  “There is something wrong here.” She indicated my canines on the screen. “See these teeth?”

  I nodded, my brain still hung up on the phrase “something wrong here.”

  She must have read something akin to horror in my expression. Dr. Aurora spoke more softly. “Well, I don’t know what is going on here, yet, but these two teeth look almost hollow. See?” She indicated the dark spaces running through my upper canines. “And when we compare with past x-rays here…” She brought another set of x-rays up on the screen—my full-mouth survey from two years ago. “See…these teeth?” Pointing again to my top canines. “They have grown. This is very unusual. Look.” She used a probing instrument to make her point. “They are at least a millimeter and a half longer than when these older x-rays were taken. It’s as if the roots are extending upward…see…here and here.” She indicated with the point of a pen on the screen.

  I looked at her blankly.

  “That is very unusual. For the teeth to keep growing like this…and they appear to be deteriorating from the inside... I don’t know.” Her brow furrowed in a way that was scary to me.

  “Deteriorating??” was all I seemed able to parrot back. I felt Ron take my hand.

  She looked at me, and her expression told me she was at a loss. “I’m sorry.” She shrugged then. “I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s like there’s tooth missing from the inside outward. Usually, decay comes from the outer wall like here.” She pointed at another intact, dense tooth. “Into the middle the cavity comes. It’s like bacteria started eating from inside the tooth. But just for these two… I can’t explain this.” She shook her head and looked down at the floor.

  I instinctively wiggled the pair in question with the tip of my tongue. Neither moved… They felt pretty solid to me. I snuck a look at Ron. He appeared as steady and unmoving as usual; the look on his face spoke to mine being any normal, everyday dental appointment. If there was any doubt or fear he was feeling, he was hiding their presence very well.

  I must have looked pretty scared, because she suddenly brushed the whole thing off with a, “You know what; this could just be a shadow on the film. Why don’t we finish the exam, and you have your mom call me, okay? We’ll bring you back in and redo them. Don’t you worry about anything.” I could see she was sorry she’d even mentioned the possibility of something being wrong. Her attempt at making me feel better did nothing to take the fear out of her eyes.

  I lay there through the rest of the exam and polishing, trying to convince myself nothing was wrong. At one point, I couldn’t help but picture myself canineless, wondering if they would eventually fall out. Did I have some kind of weird disease? And speaking of weird, I began to think about how Caelyn had been avoiding me lately. Did she know something she wasn’t telling me?? I wanted very badly, in that moment of revelation, to be able to get up out of the chair and go home. I needed to confront my mother and find out the truth. My anxiety must have transferred to Ron, who was still holding my hand. He squeezed my fingers harder, and my nerves calmed in response, remembering he was here with me.

   

  I still raced around the house, cleaning up as I would have if I’d come home from school on time. Well…after my dentist appointment. By the time I had dinner done, I was beyond agitated. Distraught by thoughts of my mother keeping something important from me, they played heavily through my mind. Ron was playing Final Fantasy in my room. My insistence that he be here was fueled by the imagining of a betrayal by my mother, prominent in my mind.

  I was glad I’d put a roast in the crockpot that morning and set my mind to the preparation of mashed potatoes, gravy and honey-glazed carrots. But I still felt the weight of my distractions.

  When Caelyn came home, I was all over her. I found myself yelling, “Mom!” before she was even in the door from the garage. “MOM!” I yelled again, as she was walking into the kitchen.

  “I hear you, Maura.” She sounded agitated, too. “What is the big emergency?”

  Her heels clicked across the kitchen floor, reminding me of her adult status…looming far above my teenage one.

  Some of my angst dissipated.

  “Did you forget about my dental appointment today?” I asked more quietly.

  “Maura, I called and canceled that.” She looked at me quizzically.

  So she had. “That’s what they said. But why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You went??” Her eyes were so wide.

  I remained very calm. “Mom, like I said, you never told me.”

  “I didn’t think you’d remember, much less go without my dragging you there.” It took her a minute to return normalcy to her face. “You went, then?” she asked again.

  “Yes, Mom, I went.” I couldn’t keep the tension I felt out of my voice.

  Her forced calm vanished, considerably. “So, how did it go?” She was hiding something from me!

  “Well, the x-rays showed something wrong with some of my teeth.”

  Caelyn went as white as her olive-toned skin allowed.

  Definitely something wrong here. “Mom, what’s going on? I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Maura.” Caelyn put a very sharp edge to her tone. “I’ve had a very hard day, and I’m in no mood for any foolishness.”

  Denial.

  “Foolishness? I’m trying to tell you there’s something wrong with me, and you’re calling it foolishness?!!” That was the first time I’d ever raised my voice to my mother. She looked appropriately shocked.

  “Maura Maxine.” Her whisper came out very controlled—with a huge helping of underlying menace. Uh oh.

  “She’s not kidding.” The soft male voice coming from the staircase landing made me cringe. It was written all over my mother’s face she hadn’t known Ron was here. I could see a dangerous level of fury building in her eyes.

  “Please, Ms. DeLuca, don’t be angry.” Ron had his perfect hands up in a placating gesture. “I took Maura to the dentist, and she said something like two of her top teeth are decaying from the inside out. They might even be falling out, because she said they’re growing lower or something like that.”

  She’d listened to him quietly, and I knew her well enough to see she was trying to get her emotions under control. Caelyn took a deep breath, her cat-green eyes still flashing excitedly. “Is this true, Maura? Is this what the dentist said?”

  I nodded my head emphatically, grateful that my mother’s temper had cooled so easily. “Yes!” I put the tip of my index fingers onto the sharp points of each canine. “These two teeth! She said it’s like the middles are missing, but she doesn’t know how the bacteria got in there, ‘cause there’s no decay from the outside. Mom, I don’t want my teeth to fall out…” I felt my lower lip tremble a bit and fought to keep tears from my eyes. All that effort caused my voice to come out as no more than a whisper. “Mom, I afraid I’m really sick. What if I have one of those weird types of cancer or something?”

  Both Caelyn and Ron looked frightened when I finished that last sentence. And like they both wanted to hug me all better. But…Mom was closer.

  “Oh, Maura.” She embraced me tightly, and then stood back so she could look into my eyes, placing her overly-warm hands on either side of my face. “It’s going to be okay; I promise you.”

  How could she know? Was it only wishful thinking on her part? “I don’t know…” My voice had a humiliating shake to it, and the fact Ron was in the room made me painfully aware I was turning into a sniveling, scared toddler in front of him at my mother’s touch.

  “Now, now,” she crooned; her anger of two minutes ago had completely vanished. “Don’t worry, Maura. There are a ton of specialists in Vancouver. I’m sure we can find someone there
who can explain exactly what is going on with your teeth.”

  The way she said that last part, with a kind of dreamy, faraway look on her face, made me feel funny. She ran the tip of a finger under my left canine and then drew her hand back sharply, a pained look on her face.

  “Ooow! Maura, I think your teeth are in viciously-fine shape.” She sucked a large bead of bright-red blood from her fingertip, and I licked my lips in a response, completely driven by instinct. I didn’t miss the split second of eye-widening from my mother, though I admired her lightning-quick recovery.

  I flicked my eyes in Ron’s direction, and his gaze wandered up to the uninteresting ceiling. Non-committal in his observances, as always. I knew he could feel the weight of my stare.

  His eyes closed, and he inhaled deeply. “Wow! Maura, something smells good!”

  Caelyn joined him. “Is that beef roast?” She beamed at me then. “And do I smell dinner rolls? You’ve really outdone yourself, My Dear!” She sniffed the air again. “Maybe those are done, though? I think you’d better go check them.” She moved away from me to make her way to the stairs. “I’m going to go change.”

  Well, that was the end of that conversation…but at least it looked like I wouldn’t have to argue with her about Ron staying for dinner.

  10. Gig Night

  I knew Caelyn would never let me go to the gig Ron had invited me to, so I needed a major school-related excuse. Only studying with a friend for finals would offer me reprieve from my grounding. I tried not to feel too guilty about my deception, promising myself I would study vigorously after seeing Ron play for one magical night. I would go have my fun, and then seriously put my nose to the proverbial grindstone. I knew I was seriously breaking the rules…and lying…but I also knew that in about two weeks I would go away, left unable to see the boy I was falling in love with—there I’d said the word—for who knew how many months? I refused to believe the separation might even last a year. Yes, I was definitely due that one indulgence.

  So I worked up the courage to ask, intent on going, even if I had to sneak out of my room.

  But it turned out such extreme measures would be unnecessary.

  “Just so long as it isn’t one of the girls in on that swimming prank, okay?” she’d merely said when I’d asked her. “Junior year is important, and I want you to do well. It’ll make a difference when you’re applying to colleges.”

  I felt a pang of guilt. College was not only a dream for me of my mother’s. Furthering my education had been a planned part of my future for myself for as long as I could remember. I really would have to get back to studying after my night of fun.

  “I won’t be with any of them, Mom; believe me!” At least there was a little bit of truth I could offer.

  Ron’s band had landed a gig when another band had canceled at the last minute. Granted, the venue was far from glamorous–they were playing a fraternity party at the university. Shane was friends with one of the brothers at Delta Tau Delta, who’d just happened to come to some of their rehearsals in Shane’s garage. Ron had been hesitant to take the gig, feeling they were nowhere near ready to play outside the confines of the makeshift rehearsal space, but Shane’s unsquashable enthusiasm had won out in the end.

  “You’ll see!! It’ll be great!” He’d wrenched an arm around Ron’s neck excitedly, almost pulling him to the school’s cafeteria floor when he gave him the news. Ron still looked worried, but I’d begun to see the overcautious perfectionist in him. Shane was probably right, and Ron was worrying for nothing.

  I’d been standing nearby, taking the whole moment in, excited for their chance to play in front an audience consisting of more than a handful of friends. I hadn’t been lucky enough to catch a rehearsal yet, but I knew they would be amazing—despite Ron’s worries.

  Ron’s dark eyes grew alight with excitement then. “Maura! You have to come!”

  “Of course!” I exclaimed, feeling so good to be included and wanted. So much so, it took almost twenty full seconds before I could feel my face fall and utter a small, disappointed, “Oh…”

  Ron understood immediately. “Oh…your mom.”

  “Yeah, my mom.” Drat it all.

  Merina piped up and saved the day…well, the night. “Just tell your mom you’re studying with me.” She had that impish grin on her face that was starting to break my heart. Because soon, I wouldn’t see her smile again. I had to fight hard to hold the tears back, so we could appropriately celebrate her revelation of genius proportion.

  “I think that just might work! Mom can’t say no to studious activities!” I grinned back at her. “Good thinking, Merina!”

  “That’s why I love you, Baby!” Shane was exploding with excitement. “Beauty and brains.” He kissed her fervently, his eyes radiating happiness, and she blushed in response.

  Ron reached over and pulled me close into a clumsy hug. And so it’d been settled.

   

  Saturday night, Merina showed up on my doorstep to walk me over to her house. Of course, Caelyn had emerged from her office to meet my new friend. She grilled her a bit, asking about her family, what she liked to study, what she did in her spare time.

  I finally interrupted. “Mom! Stop giving her the third degree.” Although I could understand her reasons, I could see that my new friend was growing uncomfortable. “We’d better go get some studying done. There’s too much to go over!”

  My eagerness must have set off some mom alarm in Caelyn. She eyed me suspiciously, as only she could. Those eyes of hers weren’t only catlike in their color. I was ready to be out from under her scrutiny before I cracked and said or did something really stupid.

  I picked up my black and red backpack, laden with books and a change of outfit more suited for a frat party than the totally boring study costume I had on at present—some of my more-tattered jeans and a Gorrilaz t-shirt.

  “It was nice to meet you, Merina,” Caelyn said in earnest. She must’ve been as impressed with the girl’s shy sweetness as I. “See you in the morning, Maura.” She kissed the top of my head. Only I could recognize the panic at the back of her eyes. Was her worry more for me, sleeping in a strange place, or for her, rattling around the house by herself for an entire night without me to fret over?

  “Don’t worry, Mom; it’ll be okay.” I kissed her smooth cheek. “I’ll be back to annoy and pester before you know it.” I smiled at her, and she ruffled my hair like she always did. Then, Merina and I escaped out into the night.

   

  The frat house was within walking distance from my own, as were Shane and Merina’s. So ironically sad it was that since I’d made new friends I could hang out with at any time, I was leaving them very far behind. It was my life, so yeah, that figured.

  We were stopping by Merina’s place first to change and, as she put it, “get pretty.” I hoped she didn’t have too much prep in mind. I was eager to get to the party and see Ron. We’d both been in school yesterday, so with no classes together, the day had been both long and boring. He’d insisted we follow my advice of the day before and spend the afternoon hours, before my mom came home, studying. Caelyn had insisted she and I go out to dinner, probably to prevent any chance of Ron joining us again. So, after the day’s equally-tedious, mostly-Ronless school day I felt like I was having withdrawal.

  Merina was quiet as we walked, probably wrapped up in thoughts of Shane, herself. But she became animated once again when we arrived, beaming brightly as she indicated the cute cottage-like house before us.

  “Here we are! That’s my room up there.” She pointed to a small balcony outside a pink-curtained window. Attached to the railing was a trellis with yellow roses winding their way throughout. I could imagine Shane climbing that.

  “Wow, that’s like something out of Romeo and Juliet.”

  She nodded, and I could see a deep blush blooming in her cheeks by the light reaching from the front porch. Then, I was fairly certain Shane had climbed that trellis and had to l
et a giggle escape. We both put on more appropriately serious expressions as we went through the front door to face her parents.

  “Hey, Mom and Dad, this is Maura,” Merina addressed them simply. They both rose to greet me, but what stood out for me about them was their relaxed state. Neither seemed plagued by the anxious demeanor Caelyn carried around constantly. Both put their hands out to take mine and we exchanged “nice to meet yous.”

  Merina looked a lot like her mother, but her big hazel eyes came from her dad. They all had the same black-brown hair, but Merina’s was straight like her dad’s, while her mother’s hung in tight curls that touched her shoulders.

  “Shane must be so excited?” her mom asked. I envied the fact Merina didn’t have to lie to her parents.

  Merina grabbed her mother’s hands in her own excitement. “Excited is a gross understatement!”

  Again, I felt a pang of envy. If my mother knew where I was going that night, excitement would not be one of the emotions anyone would be feeling…well unless you counted the excitement brought on by fear.

  “Come on, Maura!” Merina grabbed my hand and tugged enthusiastically. The mention of Shane had gotten her moving. I was awash with emotion at Merina’s casual grasp at my hand, like we’d been friends forever. She didn’t even comment on the strange iciness my skin had seemed to take on as of late. Caelyn had dismissed the chill as a need for more iron in my diet.

  “Are you girls going to eat dinner?” Merina’s mom called after us, as we were flying up the stairs, Merina in a panic to get ready then.

  “We’ll get something at the party, Mom!”

  “Okay, Sweetie.” Wow. Caelyn would never let me get away with that.

  Merina’s bedroom was very different from mine. Far more girly. Stuffed animals—gifts from Shane? He was wickedly skilled at amusement park games—half-covered a lacy pink bedspread which matched the curtains. I had a shelf of collectible figurines from video games and anime; she had one populated by elaborately-dressed dolls. I was kind of surprised to see Merina’s wardrobe had a slight Goth flair I was afraid I could never pull off. There were three clothes dressers in the room, and one of the sliding closet doors was open to reveal its bursting-at-the-seams status. Given the variety of clothes Merina wore to school, I’d already figured out she had far more clothes than I did. I’d never seen her wear the same thing twice. I just didn’t have as much imagination when it came to my own wardrobe…plus, I was picky. Most of my clothes came from eBay since I could never find my particular style displayed along the racks with the other cookie-cutter items at the mall.

  Merina was following my eyes. “I want you to wear something of mine tonight, okay?”

  I looked at her with a doubt-filled expression. I had to be a full three inches taller. But then she produced a pair of one-size-fits-most leggings from one of the dresser drawers. I was intrigued. The outer sides had a full two-inch strip of black lace from ankle to hip. I had time to wonder briefly if Ron would like them before she went to the closet and produced a shirt to go with them. It was a long, red, tunic-styled shirt with a black skull-and-crossbones stenciled across the front. I almost protested the garment wasn’t really my style…but we were going to a rock concert of sorts, so I figured I should probably break out of my shell and try something besides babydoll dresses and Mary Janes. Well, the babydoll dresses anyway. Turned out Merina and I were not the same shoe size.

  I slipped into the clothes and assessed my reflection in Merina’s full-length mirror. I was pleasantly surprised to find I liked the look on me. The dark leggings made my legs look even more long and slender, but the loose top, flowing almost halfway down the thigh, made me feel adequately, safely, hidden. I wasn’t one to offer my body up for ogling eyes… Baring my skin made me vastly uncomfortable.

  “I love this!” I exclaimed, the anticipation of the night claiming me as well. “Thanks, Merina!”

  “No worries.” She smiled approvingly. “Ron will love it; this is such a great look for you!” She went back to the closet to claim her own outfit. In a few moments, she was clothed similarly. But her leggings were white, overlain by a similar black and white top, sporting an ornate gothic cross.

  Next was make-up, and Merina framed my already-dark eyes in heavy black liner and murky eye shadows. She finished my look with deep-red lipstick before teasing and fluffing my long hair into nearly double its volume. I almost didn’t recognize my reflection once she was done.

  “Wow, Maura, you look amazing! I am a genius. Hehe.” I agreed. I could almost pass for one of the college girls at the moment.

  “I love it. Thank you!”

  Merina finished her own hair and makeup, since I wasn’t equally talented in that department, and we were ready to go. To my surprise, Merina’s mom didn’t blink an eye at the way we looked as we left. I was relatively sure Caelyn wouldn’t have allowed me out of the house.

  I felt a strong pang of hunger, almost painful, as we waved goodbye and exited. I hoped we really would get to eat at the party. Suddenly, I was starving.

   

  There were people packed in from wall to wall of the frat house basement. I immediately felt uncomfortable. So many people and so much heat... I wasn’t completely confident with my new outfit... Where was Ron... *I’m so hungry!* my stomach roared to my brain. I felt slightly nauseous and swayed slightly on my feet.

  Strangely, Merina picked up on that. She put a steadying hand on my shoulder. “Hey! You okay?” Her brow furrowed the way Caelyn’s did when I was sick.

  I blinked and tried to focus on keeping to my feet. My skin felt clammy and slick, but very cool on the surface, and I wondered briefly if I might be coming down with something. “I think so.” I tried to flash a very convincing smile at her. “Just too much excitement, probably. Remember; I don’t get out much.” I was immediately embarrassed at the unexpected revelation and put my head down.

  But she seemed to understand and patted me gently. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel a little dizzy myself! I’ve never been to a frat party before!!” She whispered that last part, conspiratorially, and I felt better. It was a wonder what real friends could do for your self-confidence.

  I resigned myself to Merina’s wisdom. It must be the overexcitement, probably coupled with the fact we hadn’t eaten, the hour rapidly approaching 8:00 PM. We’d been there almost an hour waiting for the guys to get their gear set up so we could talk to them before they went on.

  Merina grabbed my hand again and pulled me toward the stage area. She reminded me of a playful, eager puppy when she went into motion, wanting to be somewhere else. I loved it. Her enthusiasm was absolutely contagious. I had another rush of regret, tinged with the desire to stay put in the town I’d lived in all my life, but only recently begun to enjoy. I wondered if there was any way to talk Caelyn out of the move? I set myself the goal of at least one valiant attempt when I got home the next day.

  “Hi, Shane.” Her whole being lit up as he turned toward her. “Maura isn’t feeling so good, so we’re going to go scout some chow, okay?”

  Ron was standing beside Shane, plugging his guitar into his amp, but his ears pricked up at Merina’s words. He immediately turned and grabbed both my hands. “You okay, Maura?” His eyes grew deep with the concern flooding them.

  I felt all warm and melty inside from his attentions. “Oh yeah. I’m just kinda hungry; that’s all.” That was a gross understatement. I was starving, my stomach growling in werewolf proportions. “And it’s really hot in here.”

  “It’s definitely not an ideal Maura environment.” He winked in a knowing way. “I really appreciate the effort.”

  “It’s nothing! I’m dying to hear you guys play.”

  “By the way,” he added, eyeing me up and down so my cheeks grew hot, “I love the new outfit.” He winked at me, making my blush deepen.

  “It’s Merina’s,” I admitted, looking down at the toes of my black Mary Janes.

  “Well, Merina’s g
ood taste looks great on you.” He grinned and squeezed my hands.

  I felt Merina tug at my hand again. “Come on, Maura. Let’s get some food in you so you don’t pass out before the first set!”

  “Okay,” I said, still unable to tear my eyes away from Ron’s. My mind flashed a brief image of red, raw meat at me, and my stomach growled aggressively in response. I didn’t know quite how to feel about that, but I turned away, somewhat reluctantly, and let myself be dragged up the staircase, through the living room and into the small kitchen of the house. There was pizza on the table, along with several bowls of chips and dips. My stomach flip-flopped with joy as I inhaled the scent of cheese and pepperoni deeply. I’d had always been a hearty eater and refused to apologize for my appetite.

  I was wolfing down my fourth slice before I even looked up at Merina again. She was staring at me a little wide-eyed. “Wow...you are hungry.”

  I looked at her sheepishly, unfailingly tearing away at the slice. “Sorry; when I get nervous, I get hungry.”

  She laughed my strange behavior off and picked up her second slice of vegetarian. “I’m just envious; that’s all. If I ate that much, I’d gain a zillion pounds!”

  I took it easy after that, casually picking at the chips, though I felt like burying my head in the bowl. I used the distraction of the guys coming upstairs to wolf down another two meat-laden slices. Merina was busy, lock-lipped to Shane, and, as far as Ron was concerned, that was the first pizza I may have eaten. An image of me with snout and curly tail flashed in my brain, making me smile up at Ron a bit more feverishly.

  “Wow, you’re really happy tonight...and somehow different,” Ron remarked.

  “Too much excitement!” I was going to play that one for all it was worth.

  There were two others standing with Ron. I’d noticed the lead singer and bass player putting all their equipment into place, but I’d never met either. Ron noticed them, following my stare.

  “Maura,” he indicated the first of the two moving up toward the spread of food, “this is our lead singer, Chad.”

  Chad wasn’t as tall as Ron, but he had a huge smile and mischievous green eyes. His dirty-blonde hair was long, hanging far past his shoulders. “Hey!” was all he got out before shoving pizza in his mouth.

  “And our bass player, Mike.”

  Mike was tall and very quiet. He merely nodded in response to Ron’s introduction. He had a vicious look about him, and his profile somehow reminded me of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. I felt glad, while I was shaking his hand, he couldn’t read my thoughts. His short-cropped black hair and small, darting blue eyes had a somewhat dangerous feel about them.

  A tall, lanky frat boy—Greek letters displayed across his chest—approached us and tapped Ron on the shoulder. “Hey, guys, it’s time for you to go on.”

  “Showtime!” Shane declared loudly. Ron sighed and pressed his full lips together, tightly. I guessed he was committing himself to the performance, ready or not.

  His hand clamped over mine and pulled me along. The part of me wanting to stay and wolf down more protein-covered pizza warred with the other eager to see Ron’s band in action for the first time. I honestly couldn’t believe how hungry I still was. My stomach growled again as if attempting to convince me to stay put.

  The sound was loud enough for anyone around to hear. Ron laughed lightly and said, “Don’t worry, Maura. We’ll come get some more food after the first set. And if your stomach roars like that again, I’ll even take us all out after the show’s over.” He grinned and poked at my belly through the roughed-up cotton texture of the shirt. I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance in response.

  Once down the stairs and in the basement, the guys took the makeshift stage. I felt little flutterings of butterfly excitement in my gut…or was that too much pizza? No, definitely the band. In an instant, the small, overcrowded space came to life with the music. When Ron started strumming his electric guitar, I felt myself go weak in the knees. He almost seemed like a different person. There was no self-doubt in those moments, only unshakeable confidence and undeniable skill.

  Most of the songs were familiar. It was clear that Death Moon was predominantly a cover band. They also played three original songs, impressing me, and everyone one else in the room it seemed, with their talent. Their first song was a Muse cover—one of my favorites, in fact. I felt lost in the music, noticing that Ron really opened up when he played.

  They all put on a good show. Chad’s voice was perfectly suited for the music they chose. He sang high and strong, pushing the crowd into a near frenzy. Shane kept perfect time, and Ron played up his role to epic proportions, causing the girls in the crowd eye him in a way I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about. But who could blame them? So, I focused on being the lucky one he would walk over to after all the rock star stuff had come to an end.

  Merina was squealing excitedly beside me throughout the set. She was obviously enjoying watching Shane play as much as I was Ron. I couldn’t fathom what he’d been worried about. They were truly amazing. And the crowd at the frat house party thought so too. After every song, raucous applause and shouting filled the room. After a couple of songs, I happily noticed Ron really start to relax and become completely overtaken by his role as lead guitarist.

  I felt someone bump me from behind. I half-turned and did a face plant into the chest of a boy I didn’t know.

  I looked up…way up… He must have been at least six-foot-seven. His lips parted in a drunken, silly sort of way, and his words slurred out a “Hey, want a beer?” His arm extended too far to offer the beverage, and amber liquid sloshed over the lip of the clear plastic cup making a large, alcohol-soaked spot on Merina’s borrowed shirt. I was horrified. I hoped she wouldn’t get in trouble because of me.

  “You’re soooo pretty. Wanna beer?” he slurred again.

  I had no intention of adding underage drinking to my list of crimes that night. “No, thanks.” I took a step back from him.

  “Awww, c’mon.” He slung a big, heavy arm across my shoulders and pulled me to him. I could see Ron stiffen on stage as my eyes darted to his position instinctively.

  “No!” I pushed with all my might, but he was bigger and much stronger. He dragged me along with him as he shuffled toward the stairs. Merina seemed to be frozen in place, her face a mask of panic.

  “Stop it!” He’d moved his arm down around my waist so he could haul me up the stairs. My brain started to become as panicked as the expression I’d seen on my new friend’s face.

  “Let’s get some air.”

  That’s what I thought he said as he dragged me across the kitchen. Even in my state of fright, I could smell the pizza, distinctly picking out fragrances of bacon, ham, pepperoni and beef as we moved past. *How can you possibly be concerned with food right now??* I thought to myself, incredulously.

  Once out the back door, I began to grow genuinely afraid. We were out of sight of all my friends, and even if we hadn’t been, Ron was trapped playing a set. Not that I would want to wreck that for him. His first gig… I gathered my resolve to handle the situation as expediently as possible, by myself, so I could get back inside and save the moment. *He’s obviously drunk; how hard can this be?* a voice inside my head asked.

  That was about the time I comprehended the guy was completely harmless. Other than practically kidnapping me from the party, he really didn’t mean any harm. His blue eyes widened innocently as he released me, offering his beer again. “Wan’ some?” He smiled in a hopeful manner.

  “Ummm, no, thanks. I’m really not old enough to drink.”

  “You sure?”

  “Quite.” I watched him shrug his shoulders and chug half the beer. I took a couple of steps back, and he didn’t try to stop me. I was pretty certain he’d gotten caught up in the moment, wishing for someone of the female persuasion to drink with.

  “Hey, my boyfriend’s playing in the band. And…he looked pretty worried when you hauled me up the stairs just
now,” I explained.

  “Oh, wow…sorry.” He lifted the cup to his lips again but lowered his eyes repentantly.

  “Sooooo, I’m just going to go back downstairs again, okay?”

  “Sure.” He kept drinking, and I turned to go.

  “Wait!” He reached out to grab my wrist as I walked away. He probably just wanted to put in a last ditch effort to keep me there, but after being forcibly taken up the stairs, some instinct in my body took over.

  “Let me go!!” I didn’t speak but, instead, roared at him. I slid my arm forward through his grasp to push his chest and throw him backward. In that moment, I was infuriated. Angry beyond reason. Even though I knew down deep he hadn’t meant any harm, I was incensed he’d brought me outside against my will, worrying Ron and Merina. Some part of me, as if looking at the moment from outside my body, was horrified that I wanted to actually hurt him. But that part of me was small and powerless to stop what happened next.

  I gnashed my teeth together, so hard they hurt, with the force of my rage. I realized a second later, the pain stemmed from my lower lip, into which I’d sunk my left canine. The rich taste of blood flowed over my tongue, doubling the anger exploding through my head and branching down into my chest.

  The coppery scent of blood hung thick in the air, as well. I realized I’d shoved the boy so hard that he’d cracked his skull against the stone walkway at the back of the house. The right side of his head bore an ugly gash, at least three inches long. Typical of most head wounds, the cut bled profusely, the boy left unconscious. Instead of reacting with horror, as I should have, my stomach cramped sharply with insatiable hunger once again.

  I felt horrified then, but only with myself. I wanted to consume…to consume him! I’d never wanted to eat so badly before….ever. My thoughts, not borne of my own will, turned from the food in the kitchen. My mind rejected the normal offerings, driven by some auto-pilot impulse. I found my eyes pulled, by animal instinct, to the boy lying on the ground. My stomach flip-flopped with desire when I watched the blood slide onto the ground beneath his head.

  If anyone had asked me to explain what I felt I’d ask them to imagine being hungry. As hungry as they’ve ever been in their life. As if they hadn’t eaten for days. As if their favorite dish was laid out before their starving body, tempting every sense, uncontrollably.

  That was how I felt as my eyes fixated on his seeping wound. My brain pulsed, flexing like a muscle and sending a memory burning through my head. The picture was from that night in the shower when my own blood had flowed into my mouth from an injury hauntingly similar to his. I recalled the perfectly satisfying flavor, the ravenous way the taste had twisted my stomach before the shock of what I’d been doing had taken over.

  There was no shock strong enough to stop me then. Just a greedy, driving impulse pounding through every cell. I was hungry, and I wanted beyond all wants, to eat. A red film pervaded my eyes, turning the world crimson. My pulse screamed inside my head, exiling all other sound. And the boy’s blood called to me, drawing me down to my knees on the ground beside him.

  “Maura!” From somewhere very far away, part of me acknowledged Ron’s voice. The reverberation was enough to draw me up, up, up from where I was, at present, drowning in gluttony at the taste of blood. Not quite enough though; I continued to lap at the side of the nameless boy’s head.

  “MAURA!!” Ron’s voice was much more forceful then—a force to be reckoned with—and rife with shock. But he didn’t settle for shouting at me. I felt him behind me, hooking his hands under my shoulders and jerking me to my feet in an instant.

  He whirled me around, roughly, and I found myself staring blankly into his face, trying to focus. “My god! What are you doing?!!” He was shouting at me, his face not an inch from mine, but I still couldn’t come around from my bloodhaze completely. I wanted to shove him away…violently…and reattach my mouth to the bloody wound at my feet.

  “Stop! Leave me alone!” I fought against him until I saw Shane coming through the door after us. He stopped short and stared at me, his mouth gaping open with shock, fear in his eyes. Ron pushed him back inside, slamming the door in his face.

  He turned his attention back to me and shook me forcefully. “Maura.” My name came out a rough whisper. “What’s wrong with you?!!”

  He wiped the back of his right hand across my mouth. The left came up after to cover my mouth and nose, attempting to sweep away the bloody mess with his fingers. I heard from that small, not-in-control part of my mind again. A tiny voice wondering exactly what was happening. The part in control didn’t care about anything except his exquisite scent. He smelled better than the pizza, better than the boy’s blood… I struck at him, precipitously, like a viper. He narrowly avoided the sink of my teeth into his skin.

  I had to give Ron credit; he only looked frightened for a moment. In the slice of an instant, he composed the look on his face, bravely took another spit-laden swipe at the corner of my mouth and jerked the door back open.

  He hauled Shane out by the front of his shirt and then slammed the door shut—that time in Merina’s astonished face—once again.

  Shane’s eyes slid toward me, then flicked quickly back to Ron’s face. They stayed there.

  “Shane.” Ron said his name with calm and quiet. “This guy fell and hit his head.” He inclined his own toward the figure sprawling before us. “Maura was trying to help him by cleaning up the wound.” He said those words with such weight, as if he were burning them into Shane’s head with a branding iron. “You got that? She was helping him.” When Shane didn’t respond he shook him firmly, as he had me before. “Do you understand?”

  Shane snapped out of the trance he’d seemed trapped in. He looked from Ron’s face to my own, blinked a couple of times and then nodded his head. He licked his lips before he spoke. “Yeah. Yeah, I‘ve got it.” He shook his head to clear it, and Ron released his grip on Shane’s shirtfront.

  At that moment, my head snapped around to the left corner of the house at the sound of approaching footsteps. Caelyn glided into my view, as smooth as silk in her tight black-leather jacket. The expression on her face was enough to render my knees incapable of supporting my weight. I slid toward the ground, but Ron hauled me back up immediately. I tried to form words, but my vocal cords didn’t seem to be working. My head was starting to clear to the fact that Caelyn was going to kill me, slowly, painfully… I looked up to Ron, fully mindful he had no power to save me.

  11. I Think My Mother Was Bodysnatched by Aliens

  “Shane! Ron!” Merina had pushed her way out to us. “What is going on?!! Is Maura okay?! I thought I saw blood!! Where’s that guy that took her…oh!” Her eyes had found the unmoving figure on the ground.

  I was still half-hanging, limply, from Ron’s grasp. My ears pricked up at Merina’s frantic questions. Answering her was impossibility, though. My head was a chaotic jumble—remembering my horrific behavior, wondering what Ron and Shane could be thinking of me and gauging the monstrous shock of my mother’s ability to somehow finding her way to where I was that night. Was there any way to slink away and hide somewhere?

  Merina took a couple of steps backward. “Oh, crap…Maura’s mom!!”

  Oh crap, yes, my mom.

  “Come on, Maura Honey, on your feet.” Ron struggled with me again. Even with the sheer horror of my mother’s presence looming, I took a millisecond to enjoy the first time Ron had called me Honey.

  I forced myself to obey him and met Caelyn’s gaze at eye level. I realized I hadn’t noticed growing that extra inch which placed my height on par with hers. The look in her eyes was very calm, but that could be deceptive, because Caelyn could be the razor’s edge when she was angry. Very sharp, very clean. And I was still reeling at the fact she knew my whereabouts! How? How possibly? Had someone ratted me out?

  I think the whole group of us nearly fainted when she reached her hand out to lay her palm against my cheek and asked softly, “Mink, are you okay
?”

  Well, despite the supreme annoyance of having my irritating nickname spoken in front of my friends, I thought I might be dying from shock at the lack of screams thrown in my face for lying, escaping the conditions of my grounding, being at a college party where alcohol was being consumed…oh yeah, and trying to make a meal of some mystery boy’s head wound. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes stretch to saucer proportions. Perhaps I should be asking her the same question. Or maybe, “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?”

  I looked at her more closely and noticed a very strange look in her eyes. They were muted and misty. My head started to question whether she’d been drinking? Was she depressed and lonely in my absence? I started to worry less about myself and feel heavy guilt for leaving her alone.

  “Y-y-yeah, Mom,” I managed to stammer. I turned to look at Ron, and he appeared just as astonished. I think we were all expecting to take fire from both barrels. Both he and Shane had experienced her ire firsthand.

  “I think I’d better take you home.” Her voice even sounded like it was coming from someplace far away, like under water. “I don’t want you to worry. Just go and sit on the porch steps, okay? I want to talk to Ron for a minute, and we need to get this young man some help. Merina, do you want to go sit with her for a minute?”

  Oh, so that was it. She was going to yell at Ron and blame him for everything. All her quiet was the calm before her storm. I started to protest. “Mom! This isn’t Ron’s fault; I’m the one…”

  She cut me off immediately, and the mist in her eyes cleared just enough. The razor blade slipped out slightly, too. “Maura. I thought I told you to go sit and wait for me, didn’t I?”

  I could see there would be no arguing. “Yes, Mom.” I sighed and took the hand Merina offered so we could skulk off to the front porch together. Shane didn’t wait to be dismissed, disappearing back inside the kitchen.

  “Is she going to let Ron have it?” Merina queried.

  “I’m not exactly sure,” I replied. “I have to hear this, though.” When we rounded the corner of the house, I stopped to flatten myself against the side and crept as near to the edge as I dared. “If it gets too bad, I’ll have to run rescue.” I gave her a small smile, hoping my maniacal terror over the last ten minutes, wasn’t leaking into my expression.

  The acoustics must have been perfect in that position, because, although Merina shrugged her shoulders in frustration, I could hear my mother speaking to Ron just as if I were standing next to them. I put my finger to my lips, signaling Merina to stay silent, and she nodded in response.

  “I heard what you said to Shane,” my mother was saying. “I really appreciate that. I appreciate you trying to protect my daughter.” She hesitated a moment, then added, “She really needs that right now.”

  “Ms. DeLuca, believe me; it’s no problem. I care about Maura a lot. But I have to ask, why does she really need that right now?”

  “I’m sorry; I can’t explain that, not tonight. You’ll just have to trust me that she does. To be honest, I didn’t want Maura to get involved with anyone, especially now.” He started to interject at that, but she kept going, dismissing whatever he was going to say. “Maura is going to be okay; I do want you to know that. But she’s going to need a lot of support. I thought an outsider would only make things worse, but I can see that you are the kind of…friend she needs. You don’t ask too many questions, you’re very accepting and…open-minded. I am, however, worried about what the distance of our move is going to do to her now. My daughter,” she sighed heavily. “She would pick the worst time to decide to get close to someone. But despite my best efforts, you two used every day since you’ve met to get closer, and it’s too late to undo what’s been done.”

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was full of pain. “But not for meeting and getting close to Maura. I couldn’t help myself. I am very sorry to have made things harder for her. I should’ve thought about that before being so selfish.” That almost made me bolt around the corner to protest, but thankfully, Merina had a death grip on my hand.

  “No!!” she whispered urgently.

  “Now, see. It’s just your saying something like that. That makes me wish Maura had met you in Vancouver. Because there is no undoing this move. Believe me when I say it’s completely necessary and is the best thing in the world for her. But I’ve been thinking, and I was hoping you would consider going to college there? I would like to help out with the tuition, of course.”

  Merina and I jerked our heads around to look at each other in fresh astonishment. Frankly, I hadn’t known my mother had that much money lying around. But that train of thought passed quickly, and I bent my head toward the conversation once again, so I could hear Ron’s response.

  Their voices sounded farther away. They must have switched positions, or maybe the wind was carrying them differently.

  Ron was making a choking kind of sound, like he was trying to say something.

  Caelyn cut the noise off with, “Now, now, I won’t take no for an answer. It’s nothing, really. And I look at your education as an investment in Maura’s future, too.”

  Ron finally managed words. “Wow! That is incredible, but even if I could let you do that, I can’t leave. My mom…she’s sick. I can’t leave her.”

  Oh…I hadn’t known that. I guess that explained the reason she’d been home the other day. I wondered why Ron had never said anything, but he definitely was the suffer-in-silence type.

  “I see.” Caelyn sounded genuinely disappointed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see what the future brings.” Her voice had that far-away-sounding quality to it again, and I barely caught the words.

  They swirled a whirlwind of worry inside my head. I’d somehow known there was something wrong with me. Mom telling me the weather in Vancouver would help my ‘condition…’ I should’ve realized it was something far beyond a sun sensitivity. I was craving strange, raw things, and I wasn’t about to chalk that up to the anemia she’d invented as an excuse. I seemed to be growing even paler those days, an outward sign of bad health. But my hair was lustrous with shine…more a sign of good health, but not enough to nullify the negative changes. And there was that thing about my teeth possibly rotting from the inside out—definitely not a good sign.

  I was so confused. Happy my mother seemed to be far more accepting of Ron, but a little angry she would confide in him rather than in her own daughter. She’d practically told him something bad was happening to me, but wouldn’t admit the same to her own child. Didn’t I have the right to know what was happening to my own body? Was the illness so horrible she couldn’t bear to say the name to my face? Or did she just want to keep me from losing hope?

  “Maura!” Merina’s harsh whisper and frantic pull broke me out of my reverie. “They’re coming, Maura! We have to get over to the porch.”

  I followed behind her, numbly, allowing myself to be dragged along.

   

  I’d had to go home after that, walking wordlessly beside Caelyn down the two blocks back to our house. There were a million questions swarming within my head, but the only one I asked as we stepped up onto our front porch was, “Mom, how did you know where I was tonight?” I decided not to push my luck with inquires as to how she’d arrived at precisely the right moment.

  She pulled me into her side in a clumsy hug. “Maura, Sweetie, family is a special thing. There are times when we can really feel each other, when we know one of us is in trouble.”

  It was creeping me out the way she kept saying ‘we,’ instead of answering my question with any real tangibility.

  I tried to focus on the fact Ron got to come over later. Of course, he couldn’t leave in the middle of their first real gig. He’d wanted to, but I’d insisted he stay. I refused to be responsible for ruining their reputation and any chances at booking future opportunities presented by the possible word-of-mouth referrals garnered by the current gig. Besides, someone had to wait until the ambulance got there to help
the boy I’d inadvertently hurt. I’d wanted to do that, but Ron was insistent I go home, promising to come over as soon as the show was over. I had to wonder briefly if he’d been embarrassed by my behavior that night. If he wondered what was wrong with me as much as I.

  We went into the living room, and I sat beside my mother on the couch. Since we were away from all other eyes, I could feel the vibrating resounding throughout my body. I finally had to ask the hardest question of all.

  “Mom, why do I like the taste of blood?” My question came out barely above the volume of a whisper. “Why did I do what I did tonight?”

  “Maura…” She took both of my hands into her own. “…you were only trying to help that boy. You were out there all alone and didn’t have anything to press against his head to make the bleeding stop, did you?”

  “No,” I answered weakly.

  “See there? Panic took over, and you were trying to stop the bleeding any way you knew how. Okay?”

  I wanted to believe her, wanted to just give in to her words, but I wasn’t quite there yet. “But, Mom, I remember being so…so hungry. I wanted to eat that…”

  She cut me off, not allowing me to follow that line of thought any further. “You didn’t have dinner before you left, did you?” She had that scolding-mother tone to her voice.

  “Well, no, but I did have some pizza at the party.” Oh! The party. Surely some reprimand and more grounding was coming in penance for that. Great. I was going to start my Vancouver life grounded.

  Caelyn snapped me back to the previous point of conversation. “See, you were hungry, in a strange place and had an unexpected accident happen. You just panicked, Maura. That’s all.” There was a definite finality to her tone.

  “I guess I’m in a lot more trouble.” I decided to accept her explanation for the moment since I wished for her words to be true. And I had to find out just how much trouble I was really in. My last few weeks with Ron were on the line. He might not even be allowed to come over at all.

  I looked more closely at Caelyn, meeting her eyes, and couldn’t help but notice the strange, wistful look to them. Their green had a brightness I couldn’t remember ever seeing before.

  “Well, as much as I’m very disappointed in you for lying to me…” She shot me a stern but fleeting look. “…I have to wonder if this isn’t partially my fault.”

  Okay. I had to be dreaming. All I could do was wait for her to continue…until I possibly woke up in my bed.

  “Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I realize that keeping you away from a boy you obviously like very much, when you’re about to move a country away from him, is pretty unfair. Don’t get me wrong; I expect this kind of behavior will never happen again, right?” Her expression was dangerous.

  I promptly agreed by vigorously nodding my head and proclaiming, “Never!”

  She continued. “So, for the rest of our time here, I’m going to suspend the grounding. And you will let me know exactly where you’re going and when you will be home at all times.”

  I was ecstatic. “Thanks, Mom!” I sprung past the extra few inches between us to hug her.

  She pulled back to look at me. “I do remember what it’s like to be your age and love someone.” She flinched at her own remark, as if she felt as surprised as I that she’d broach such a topic of conversation. Strangely, that soft dreaminess returned to her eyes. She sighed and picked up the remote. “Let’s watch a movie until Ron gets here, huh?”

  “Sure!” I wasn’t going to say anything further, afraid that the wrong word would make her somehow change her mind.

  “I’ll make the popcorn!” I rose to go into the kitchen while Caelyn flipped through the action and horror choices on Netflix.

  12. The Last Few Weeks

  The hour was very late by the time the third set had ended and Ron showed up at our house. Caelyn had retreated to bed, allowing me to wait up for him without argument. It was as if she’d let go of me a little, which felt nice. My mother had always bordered on psychotic overprotection. I understood her worry, what with my lack of social skills and peculiar ailments, but since I was getting older, I was enjoying such newfound freedom. I didn’t know what had brought on her change of heart. Maybe she could see I was growing up, and finally realized I’d grown more capable of making decisions for myself. Or she could’ve just been feeling extremely sorry for me after everything she’d gone through herself with my father.

  I guessed I would be going through some of that in the months to come, but for the moment, I wanted to focus on the last few weeks I had left with Ron.

  He was just as happy as I was about the being ungrounded thing. We’d both been kind of worried about skipping so much school to be together, especially so close to finals—me more so than Ron. We could stay caught up while still being able to see each other every night, if we wanted. I wanted that…a lot.

  Once we’d settled in on the couch, I kept waiting for him to run screaming away, at first. I had tried to bite him earlier after all. As usual, Ron was acting as though nothing strange had happened. I tried to relax, and he made it very easy to do so. We made a few tentative plans and then curled up to watch a creepy vampire movie together. I feigned being scared so I could cuddle into Ron’s warm chest more closely, but vampires didn’t really scare me. I thought they were beautiful and fascinating.

  I made sure I didn’t fall asleep with him out on the living room couch. I didn’t want to push my luck with Caelyn’s generosity. And I wanted to keep her trust, show her I could act like the adult she was beginning to see in me. I did, however, linger to kiss him goodnight, tilting my face up to his, trembling with anticipation, as it would be the first I’d receive that wasn’t from my mother.

  Turned out, Ron felt even more nervous about Caelyn than I.

  “Not now, Maura, okay?” His eyes flicked to the hallway.

  I knew why he was hesitant, but I couldn’t help feeling a little rejected. My face must have betrayed some of the turmoil I was feeling, because, in the next instant he lifted my lowered chin with a finger.

  “Hey, it’s not that I don’t think you are simply the most kissable person on Earth.” His eyes bore into mine to drive the point home. “This is our first kiss. I don’t want to do it with one eye open, waiting for your mother to come down the hall and murder us both!”

  “Yeah,” I agreed reluctantly, “I guess you’re right.” Caelyn might have a coronary if she came out to the kitchen for a glass of water and saw her sixteen-year-old daughter making out on the couch with a boy at 3:00 AM. “Wow, it is really late! I’d better get to bed before she knows we’re up together.”

  “I already know!” Caelyn’s voice resounded from upstairs.

  “Oh, crap!!! Goodnight!” I struggled to get up from the couch like my pajamas had caught fire.

  Ron made me pause, taking my head into his hands. He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my forehead with those perfect, brown-pink lips. My skin burned, I was guessing with embarrassment, as much as I could put thought together in the moment. I somehow managed to get to my feet and mumbled, “Goodnight,” feebly, as I stumbled to my room. I tripped over my own steps as I mounted the staircase. “I’m okay!” I called out before anyone could ask me the question.

  I went to my bed and lay down, the dizziness almost consuming me. The silence was so heavy, it felt like it was crushing me against the little twin mattress. I had to get up to turn on my sleeping playlist. Ron’s kiss still burned on my forehead, and I felt, suddenly, lethargic. But I couldn’t take the stillness of the room. I staggered over to my computer and pulled up iTunes, wishing Ron were here to share the music with me. My forehead was still burning. Wow…what would a real kiss from him do?

  I always chose the shuffle option, and that time, Muse’s “Endlessly” came up first. I considered that one, secretly, to be mine and Ron’s song. At the moment, it served to confirm my belief we were meant to be. I felt a momentary lapse in my continual sadness, reveling
in the conviction that, somehow, some way, we were. I had to have faith. I had to hold on to that. The kissmark burned fervently, as if in response.

  I rose and went to lie on my bed. I cuddled my Timothy rabbit close and tried to sleep, but the thought of Ron downstairs was like caffeine, keeping me awake and restless. The sheets and blanket broke free from their tuck at the bottom of the bed after a couple of hours. My forehead still burned where he had kissed me, disturbing me, but I wrote it off as a figment of my imagination. As much as I tried to dismiss it, the spot burned on, as if someone were holding a lighted match to my skin.

  The burning seemed to find its way into my blood as the night wore on, and I kicked the blankets free. The heat coursed through me, and when I finally found sleep, infected my dreams. The first thing I noticed was the heat, like flames licking at my skin, climbing higher and higher. My dream awareness sharpened, and I realized where the fire was coming from. I was kissing Ron, and it wasn’t my forehead his sweet lips were pressed against. His mouth was on mine, building a fire within me that radiated out onto every surface of my skin. The heat was so intense; I could feel each bead of sweat swell up in the small of my back and tickle as they slid downward.

  Ron broke the kiss to murmur my name. “Maura…” Even the sound of his voice was heated.

  But then there was cold, a cold so intense it burned my skin as well…just in a much different way. I felt it in my wrist… My right wrist captured by the sharp contrast of something icy wrapped around it. I didn’t want to pull myself away from Ron, from the intense, all-consuming kiss, but I had to. The iciness was painful and made me want to escape.

  I wrenched my mouth free to look up. There was a pale man gripping my arm. His eyes were an impossible shade of grey, bringing to mind midnight clouds stretched across a full moon….mercury threading its way up a thermometer. His light brown hair was just a shade darker than blonde and shot through with silver, as well. He was beautiful.

  Ron’s hand came up to my cheek to burn me again. He was so warm… I closed my eyes and pressed my face to his hand. The ice around my wrist intensified until the cold was unbearable. My eyes flew open yet again, and the young man’s face was closer. His eyes bore into mine.

  “What do you want from me?” I shrieked at him. I was angry he was trying to steal my attention away from Ron, but at the same time, felt drawn to him.

  The strange boy smiled at me, parting his slender but perfectly-shaped lips. They were blood-red and behind them emerged teeth as shiny as pearl. The canines were sharp, like deadly little daggers. And as I watched, they grew, becoming a lethal set of full-fledged fangs.

  “Come with me, Maura,” he purred like a large, dangerous cat.

  I awoke with a sharp start, sitting upright in my bed and stifling a short burst of scream with my Timothy rabbit I’d been holding in my arms. His body wasn’t substantial enough to keep Caelyn, and then Ron, from bursting into the room.

  “Maura??” Overprotectiveness at its finest and in tandem.

  “I’m fine,” I half sighed. “Just a nightmare.” I was trying very hard to resist the urge to roll my eyes. I smiled at Ron. “Guess we shouldn’t have watched that vampire movie last night.”

   

  We were down to the last week of school. A week after was the move. But it was Saturday, and I was determined to push all other thought aside and enjoy the day. I decided to try and forget we were moving away, completely.

  “You know, we really should study,” Ron said, behaving as the responsible one for once. His suggestion felt like a buzzkill after the stunningly-large breakfast we’d enjoyed. Caelyn had outdone herself. Waffles, eggs, bacon…but she’d escaped to her home office toting a protein shake. I was proving to Ron I could annihilate him in any bacon eating contest he might ever initiate. He proved the opposite in the waffle department. I was finding more and more carbs just weren’t my thing.

  “That’s a good idea,” my mother called in response. “Don’t you think so, Maura?”

  “Sure,” I answered, begrudgingly. I grimaced and rose from the table to put the plates in the dishwasher.

  “After all the school you’ve been skipping, I’d think you need to play a little catch-up today.” I couldn’t miss the menace in her voice. Ron and I looked at each other, both wearing the same expression of disbelief.

  “How did she…” Ron started to whisper.

  “Oh, Caelyn knows all,” I answered. I thought I heard a smug chuckle come from the living room area. My mother, way smarter than I gave her credit for even.

  “Well, let’s hit the books,” I said as I closed the dishwasher door.

  “I just have to run home and grab mine.” I must have made a face. “Don’t worry, Maura; I won’t be gone long.” Ron chuckled himself and ruffled my hair, much the way Caelyn did when I was upset or sad.

  I did use the time he was gone to my advantage. My puffed up hair from the night before needed to be tamed, not to mention the lingering dark eyeliner and heavy mascara. After my shower, I put on appropriately-boring jeans to protest the activities of the day—albeit spent studying with Ron—but chose a vibrant red top that screamed to me with its appeal when I saw it while rifling through my closet.

  By the time I descended the stairs, Ron was already on our living-room couch, book in hand. But…he was talking to Caelyn. They both became mysteriously quiet as I cleared the stair landing. I had to fight the urge to accuse them of conspiring against me. I had a replay of that weird feeling there was something my mother wasn’t telling me.

  I brushed it off and asked, “Do you want to sit at the dining room table?”

  “Sure!” Ron was agreeable about pretty much everything. “I guess that’ll make it more businesslike. We do need to be serious.” He adopted a very stoic expression, and I had to laugh.

  Ron pulled my kitchen-table chair out for me, and I sat down with as much grace as I could muster. “Ow!”

  “Maura?” he queried.

  “I sat on my hair!” I noticed Caelyn was in the room immediately, hovering, expectantly.

  How could it be so long? The last time I’d examined it in the mirror, about a week ago, it had fallen only to the middle of my waist. I was absolutely sure it hadn’t touched the top of my jeans’ waistband.

  More weirdness. At that point, though, the oddity was more than I could bear. My voice was shaky as I mused aloud, “Hair can’t grow that fast. It just can’t.” I eyeballed both of them. “How fast does hair grow? Like a quarter to a half inch a month right?” They both just stared at me like I had purple horns growing out of my forehead. “Mom! Ron! My hair is...” I reached down to verify. “…more than three inches longer than it was last week!”

  Caelyn came over to me, and I received my second hair ruffle of the day. “Now, Mink, I think you’re imagining things.” I didn’t miss the nervous twitch in her mouth and eyes.

  Ron was, however, narrowing his eyes and looking at the hair that disappeared under my body. He looked suspiciously, to my surprise, at Caelyn, then back to my face. His expression was unreadable.

  “Mom!” I exploded. “What is going on?!! My teeth, the hair, the cravings!!” I was close to the point of tears.

  I could tell Mom was determined to calm me down. She looked at Ron and spoke to him in the same way he had to Shane the night before when insisting I’d been trying to help the boy who’d hit his head. “Ron, you haven’t noticed anything strange about Maura, right?” She was pleading with her eyes.

  “There’s nothing strange about Maura.” He spoke the words with utter sincerity.

  I started to whimper and rock back and forth in my chair, pulling my knees up into my chest. They were lying to me, and something horrible was going to happen. I’d wake up one day in the hospital…or worse, one day I wouldn’t wake up at all. Didn’t they respect or love me enough to tell me the truth?

  “Maura!” My mother came over to put her arms around me. “You’re completely overreacting. You’ve
been eating so much meat lately and growing so much! It’s normal. Teenagers have growth spurts, and your diet’s been better… Ron, don’t you think she’s overreacting?”

  Ron looked down at me. It was almost like he was examining me. He pushed my hair out of my eyes and looked deep into them….and started a bit. He couldn’t cover that up. He’d seen something which prompted him to react. Something in my eyes? But his lips said, “You look fine, Maura. Better than fine.”

  I must not have appeared convinced. He asked my mother, “Ms. DeLuca, can I borrow your laptop?”

  She wordlessly went to retrieve it. I eyed him with suspicion. I still thought my mom was sharing something with him she was failing to reveal to me.

  He sat down with the MacBook and typed in a Google search. A few seconds later, he called me over. “Come here and look at this, Maura, Ms. DeLuca.” He had a very confident air about him as he clicked on links from the two browser windows open on the computer. “See. The effect of hormones on the body. They can do all kinds of strange things.” He showed me an article about how a flux of hormones could cause strange cravings. The next web page was about a girl who’d experienced very fast hair and nail growth by adding extra protein into her diet. As I read, I started to relax. As it turned out, hormones could cause extreme changes in the body. And as Ron pointed out with another site he’d found, one of the most volatile times for hormone production was during the teen years when the body became flooded with them.

  “Being a teenager is very overwhelming,” Caelyn said softly. She was looking at Ron with gratitude. “Don’t think I’m so old I don’t remember being one myself.” She patted my hair comfortingly.

  “Mom, you’re not old…” I noticed she was going back to the oven. Caelyn liked to cook bacon in the oven. She definitely wasn’t a fan of grease splatter. More bacon? Yum.

  “Here you go.” She set a plate piled high between us. *Way to distract me Mom.* Her diversion totally worked. I grabbed up a couple of pieces, burning my fingers but not caring, and then scorching the roof of my mouth.

  Caelyn laughed. “Well, there you go! Maura’s healthy appetite is still intact!” I noticed Ron didn’t laugh, though. He looked lost in thought.

  He was creeping me out, so I nudged him, hard, with my elbow. “Hey, snap out of it! We have studying to do, remember?” I shot him an evil look since our sentence of boredom had been his idea.

  “Oh yeah.” He shook his head as if to clear it and opened his Trig book. Ughhhh.

  Within a half hour, though, I found myself wrapping my head around the problems, so I actually ended up helping him study. “Wow, you must be really great at math.” Caelyn choked on laughter that she tried to pass off as a cough. I shot her an unimpressed look.

  “No,” I admitted, feeling myself blush, “actually, I’m pretty terrible at it.”

  “It’s her worse subject,” my mother interjected.

  “Thanks, Mom!” I shot daggers at her with my eyes. “Didn’t you have work to do in your office?” She left the room, smirk intact.

  “Well, you are still taking algebra…maybe you just have a thing for Trig.” Ron shrugged his shoulders and went back to the book.

  After we’d finished up with that subject, we moved on to my English final, which would include essay questions on Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I tried to voice what I planned to write on paper, but it was so hard to concentrate, looking into Ron’s dark hazel eyes. I wasn’t mesmerized enough to miss his changing expression, though. His mouth fell open, but I couldn’t tell if he was impressed by my argument or horrified at my lack of coherent thought.

  “Wow…Maura!” His eyebrows shot up in astonishment. “Just how many times did you read this?”

  My detail must have been lacking, even though I thought I’d been careful to cite enough passages from the play. “Oh, I don’t refer back to the text enough?” My brain went back over my words, trying to figure out where I’d gone wrong.

  Ron was shaking his head, vehemently. “No! Maura, you practically quoted, word for word, every scene you referenced! Wow!! I wish I had a photographic memory like that.”

  “Are you sure?” I knew I’d never been much good at memorizing before. I’d failed my French vocab test, miserably, a few weeks ago. He nodded his head, looking at me like I was being ridiculous. I mulled that idea over. Oh well, I’d always loved English. It was my best subject, and Romeo and Juliet was a long-time favorite.

  The rest of the afternoon went much the same way. I caught on fast to the subjects Ron was taking in his senior-year classes and, even with the time away from class, remembered all the important stuff from my own. A break must’ve really done my brain good! Maybe getting a sneak peek at Ron’s course material would help me with my own senior year.

  “Wow, Maura, you’re a brainiac!” Ron marveled. “If you keep this up, maybe we can go back to having some fun this week.”

  “Please wait until finals are over!” Caelyn’s hearing was far too sensitive.

  But she was definitely forgiven when she ordered us a Meat Lover’s Pizza for lunch. I was so hungry, just like in the weeks past. *Completely normal,* I reminded myself. *Growing takes so much energy!* I wolfed down my sixth piece without any further worry, laughing at Ron for trying in vain to catch up.

  “Here.” Ron pushed his English textbook at me. The page was open to Poe’s poem, “The Raven.” “Let’s try a little experiment.”

  “What do you mean?” I queried, looking down at the text.

  “You read over the poem just once. Then close the book and repeat back as much as you can remember.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I felt uneasy about his little test and slid the book back in his direction.

  “Come on, please! I’m completely envious of your memory.” He smiled, and my heart softened a bit. “For me?”

  I sighed heavily and pulled the book back. “Oh, alright. I still think it’s silly.” I lowered my eyes and read over the text slowly, trying to commit each word to memory. After I was done, I handed the large textbook back to him.

  “Okay, no peeking!” He hunched over the book, covering the top edges with his hands, so I couldn’t see.

  I quoted back as much as I could remember but felt pretty sure I’d missed a large chunk from the middle. But when I was finished reciting, Ron’s mouth was agape.

  “Perfect,” he breathed, clearly astonished.

  “No way,” I shot back. “I know I missed some of the middle.”

  “But you didn’t, Maura. You got every word.” His voice held a slight tremor. “That’s crazy. It’s almost supernatural.”

  I started in my seat as if his words had struck me like physical objects.

  As if on cue, Caelyn came bustling into the room, slamming a stack of folders onto the dining-room table, making both Ron and I jump in our seats.

  “Okay, I think that’s enough studying.” There was a very strained smile on her face. “You kids have been at it for hours! I think it definitely is time for some fun.”

  A reprieve from my mother was enough to break me out of my reverie. “Yay! What do you have in mind, Mom?”

  I just wished Ron looked as happy about the break as I felt. He seemed miles away again, and I couldn’t help but curse my own DNA. Maybe the reason Caelyn never spoke of my father was because of the freaky characteristics she wished I hadn’t inherited.

   

  Later that night, as I got ready for bed, something jumped out at me from the mirror. I was brushing my teeth but stopped abruptly when I noticed the difference in my eyes. Was the sight before me the thing which had startled Ron earlier? There was a black ring around the outside of the dark-brown irises. I knew it hadn’t been there before, and the difference screamed out at me then. But that wasn’t all. There was an eerie ring of color around the ebony pupil, as well, small and thin—so much so the slight change was barely perceptible—but colored a frightening tinge of faint crimson.

  I felt my knees buckle
as I fixated on the extreme change in my eyes. True, I had been closely examining my face when I’d noticed it, but for anyone familiar, the difference was impossible to miss. I was positive my eyes had been their normal black-brown yesterday. The rosiness ringing the area around my pupil wavered in my sight as I gripped the edge of the porcelain washbasin, trying desperately to hold on to consciousness.

   

  Somehow, despite our spotty attendance record of the last couple of weeks, Ron and I both managed to pass our finals with flying colors. Caelyn took us to Olive Garden in Monroeville to celebrate. Ron was vanquished by me in a pasta-eating contest, shaking his head and looking me over, saying he couldn’t figure out where I put it all. We fed each other Zeppoli for dessert, Caelyn trying to look anywhere but at the two of us. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for being so happy near Ron but soberly remembered our fast-approaching departure and didn’t feel quite so bad. Very soon, I would become acquainted with the same loneliness as my mother. I found it strangely comforting to think we could at least suffer together in our new Canadian existence.

  I’d kept waiting for Ron to kiss me, but somehow it’d never happened. That night was no different. Caelyn ended up hanging out with us the rest of the night. We were watching another horror movie, her brand of entertainment. After I’d fallen asleep, Ron must’ve carried me to my bed, because that’s where I woke up, my last memory snuggling into Ron on the couch. My mother had squeezed in close on my other side, making the night so cozy and warm. It was one of those rare, perfect moments that happen too infrequently, causing you to wish they could last forever.

  The comfort also made waking alone in my bed feel extra lonely. I ripped away the covers and stormed down the stairs, hoping, somehow, Ron would be sleeping on the couch. I wasn’t disappointed. Caelyn had been unbelievably lax about his sleeping over—always on the couch, of course—and Ron seemed to be grasping at every possible moment we had left, just like me. I felt our time together roaring away like a riptide.

  I thought about how strange the passage of time could be. The moments you wanted to hold on to the most always ended up slipping away, like the tide pulling away from the shore…constant, unstoppable. Like the fluid waves of the ocean, there could be no holding life back, no gripping of time in your mortal hands. I could feel the only life I’d known, and Ron along with it, slipping away while I stood on shifting, ever-drifting sand. Tears stung my eyes…but there was the beautiful smell of bacon coming from the kitchen…

   

  She may not have been happy about my dating, but Caelyn liked Ron. Of course she did. If not for him, I’d have been a corpse on the bottom of the river, instead of the pale-as-death, living girl standing before her then.

  “You have two hours,” my mother said on our last day in Indiana, Pennsylvania. She turned but did flash Ron a smile over her shoulder before going back into the house to supervise the movers packing our U-Haul.

  The desperate need to cry had closed my throat, so I was thankful when Ron said, “You wanna go for a hike?”

  I managed to squeak out a “Sure!”

  We drove to a trailhead we’d meant to explore before, but much of the last week had been spent with Caelyn. She was anxious, needy and had been acting very peculiar. Every time the phone rang she jumped. As the move crept closer, she’d fidgeted and craved constant companionship. My mother had behaved very unlike her usual self.

  One positive side effect of her nervous new mood was constant cooking. I’d always been the one on kitchen duty, but Caelyn had taken over with a vengeance. She must have read that Atkins Diet book or something, because we had protein, and not much else, at every meal. She did try to throw in the occasional salad, but those were highly unappetizing. The smell of the green leaves made me nauseous, and I found the taste to be unbearable.

  I was contemplating the past days so hard, barely noticing when Ron shut the car off. Mechanically, I got out and climbed behind him up the steep grade leading into the woods, snapping out of my daze when he grabbed for my hand. His grasp was warm and tight, overly warm, telling me my own skin had adopted the all-too-familiar wintery chill. But leaving Ron behind was more than enough to chill the blood in my veins. Leaving him behind felt like a part of me was dying. I let him drag my numb body along until we reached the top of the trail.

  Since the moment had arrived that we really had to say goodbye, I found I couldn’t bear it. I sat beside him in the grass thinking of all the possible could-have-beens. I looked over at him, and he was staring straight ahead, his long ponytail trailing halfway down his back. Brown silk against the white of his shirt. I didn’t want any regrets. On that day, I would do what I wanted and create remembrances, instead of always holding back. Reaching up, I slipped my finger under the band restraining his hair to pull the strands free. They fanned out over his shoulders straight and shimmering, hair any girl would envy. He turned to me with undeniable surprise in his eyes. It was uncharacteristic for me to do such a bold thing.

  I shrugged. “I like your hair like that.” I refused to apologize for anything in those last moments.

  He didn’t smile. “It’s too bad you won’t be here for your birthday,” he said sadly. I suddenly felt guilty I’d told my mother two months ago we could go ahead and leave before the date. But I’d had no way of knowing I could’ve made special plans.

  He had something in his hand, a something he placed in mine. He left behind a small purple box tied with a gold bow. “Happy Birthday early,” he said.

  I felt tears welling in my eyes. “You didn’t have to,” I breathed. The box was from the jewelry store in the mall. I was the mystery birthday girl!

  “Of course I did. Open it.”

  My hand was shaking as I untied the shiny ribbon. I gently removed the glossy paper, wanting to save it, intact, for my scrapbook. When I finally managed to open the small box, I found a locket. The charm was small and heart-shaped. On the front was etched a black sliver of moon. It was ideal—beautiful and conventional, with a touch of dark mystery. I loved it. “It’s perfect.”

  “I know how much you love the moon.”

  Then, I remembered the necklace’s purpose, pushed on the release to pry the heart open. It was empty inside. I was disappointed he hadn’t included a picture. I looked to him with confusion, holding the locket open. “Did you forget something?”

  “Nope. We’ll put our pictures in there the next time we see each other.” He promised with assurance in his tone. “And I know we will.” He locked his near-brown eyes on mine. “And we won’t have to say goodbye again.”

  Had we really only been aware of each other for little more than a month? Suddenly, it felt like he’d been with me a much more significant amount of time. “I—I hope you’re right.” I closed my eyes and concentrated on holding back the sobs threatening to escape. I felt his breath on my lips.

  I opened my eyes in shock, just as he softly leaned forward to press his mouth to mine. I’d always wondered what my first kiss would be like, and here it was, all softness and warmth. But there was more. It was as if my blood started to burn, threatening to sear through my flesh. The feeling was on the edge of being painful. I tried to tell myself the heated rush must be embarrassment, extremely annoyed the discomfort was stupidly distracting me from the gentle way Ron parted my lips with his own. The strange burning ran in curling, circular patterns as if irons were branding intricate designs on my insides. A moment later the intense heat faded away, and I felt calm settle over me. Ron twitched in my arms as if he were feeling what I had a moment before. The kiss became more peaceful. But that didn’t last.

  I was turning over and over the strange idea that someone so new to me had become so essential. I belonged right here. I wished I could never leave his arms, my calm turning to desperation. I never wanted to let him go. I raised my arms and pulled him closer with one, the hand of the other memorizing the texture of his hair as I ran my fingers over the silken strands again and again. His arms reac
hed out for me too, pulling me into his lap.

  My thoughts cried out, *This is so unfair! I don’t want to go!* I’d been disappointed to leave him, yes, but at the moment found the thought unbearable. Was that what it was to kiss someone?

  Our kiss was growing into something else, so he pulled back. I knew he’d be like that. I was beginning to cry, my head exploding with my then-desolate thoughts. The tears hovered at the edge of my lower lashes, and I knew they would spill over and give away the depth of what I was feeling at any second. He was staring at me in disbelief.

  “Maura!” He pushed me from his lap to my great shock. “Are you hurt? Did that tree branch hit you in the eyes?” He brought his hands up to my face, his thumbs pressing under my eyes. He was scrutinizing them in a way that began to frighten me.

  “Wh—what?” was all I could manage.

  “Here, let me see.” He pulled back and tore his shirt over his head. I felt a thrill run through my stomach, looking at his bare chest, despite the fact that his words were freaking me out. He balled the shirt up and dabbed at my eyes.

  “What’s wrong,” I spat out, unsettled by his troubled expression. “Please, tell me!” I turned what I was sure was a frantic look on him. He kept dabbing gently, looking very serious…and unnervingly wide-eyed.

  Surprisingly calm, he said, “Your eyes are bleeding.”

  I gasped in horror. “What?!” I squealed. I pushed his shirt-filled hands back to find garish streaks crisscrossing the white cotton.

  I tried to calm myself, nausea rising from the pit of my stomach, and was, in the next instant, terrified of throwing up in front of him—or on him. I blinked heavily, trying to concentrate on my eyes instead. There wasn’t any pain.

  “They don’t hurt…” I allowed the logical part of my brain to take over, swallowing the panic. “Look closer, are they cut or something?” My hands belied my rational thought, shaking intolerably.

  He bent and pulled my eyelids up and down, instructing me to look in different directions as he peered closely. “Weird.” He still looked startled. “There’s nothing.”

  I was suddenly glad there was only a short walk back to the car ahead of us. I felt faint. First the kissing, and I’d somehow injured myself? Pure emotional overload.

  He was gazing at me with fright in his eyes. I reached out to cover one of his hands with my own. “Hey, I’m fine. Nothing hurts, okay?” I pressed the fingers of my other hand against my closed eyes to test my own statement. Still, I felt no pain.

  He didn’t look convinced, so I promised profusely I would have Caelyn take me to the emerg as soon as I got home if the bleeding continued. He blotted at my eyes with a fresh patch of the shirt again. The fabric came away spotless. He seemed to relax a little.

  “Whew, that really scared me,” he admitted, eyeing me up suspiciously. “It really was weird. Were you crying?”

  I turned as red as my shirt. “I—I…” Could I tell him how much the impending separation was, abruptly, hurting me? Should I?

  “Actually,” he said, since the emergency seemed to have passed, “I’m finding this really hard to accept.” He turned away as if he were struggling with the grief as much as I. He looked back at me, though, before continuing. “I know you think we just found each other, Maura, but you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be with you. Ever since we’ve gone to school together, I’ve watched you. Watched you go to class, eat lunch, read your books in the library. And I wished I could just have the chance to talk to you.”

  I felt my mouth drop open in shock. How had I never noticed?

  “I guess I just always thought you were too pretty. I could never find the courage to even say hi to you. Not in all those years.” He gave me that heartfelt smile of his. “It’s just like me to wait until you’re moving a whole country away to be able to talk to you.”

  I didn’t know which I found more shocking. The miracle that he found me pretty instead of strange looking or the fact I’d been so clueless. How had I never noticed a boy’s eyes following my every move for all my school life?

  The moment was too heartbreaking. What kind of magic was his kiss, leaving my heart and mind full of him? My brain called up images to torture me as I pictured how different those years could have been. They filled in the loneliest gaps of my high school years with illusory hand-in-hand strolls, gentle kisses and cuddling into his shoulder while watching a movie on my living-room couch. I could picture us lying on my bed reading one of my favorite novels, opening presents together at Christmas… Ron taking my hand and twirling me as we danced in the rain.

  “We could’ve done so many things together….” His voice trailed off. The way he spoke made me wonder if he might’ve been playing the same sad movie in his own mind.

  I tried to choke back fresh tears, but what I’d been imagining had them running freely down my cheeks. I wondered how Caelyn would take it if I demanded to stay here, even though I knew remaining behind was impossible.

  His expression shifted while I was gazing into his eyes, hiding an emotion that had started to creep in and alter his expression. His eyes had broadcast shock—or had that been fear—when I’d begun to cry. In the next instant, he smiled warmly and used his shirt to clear away the latest round of tears.

  The locket was lying in my lap, and he fished the chain out. His fingers nimbly undid the clasp in one try, and he stepped behind me so he could fasten it around my neck. He kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose, and finally my lips, very softly.

  I’d closed my eyes, and when I opened them, his held my gaze. His eyes were soft, just like his heart. Their darkness was full of promise. “I know how you see yourself, Maura. But I’ll take you just the way you are. Everything you are.”

  I crushed my face into his shoulder then to hide. Hide from all the things too late to say, all the missed opportunities that were just too much to take. “Thank you,” was all I could say without breaking down. Wasn’t that what every human wished for—unconditional acceptance?

  A bit later, after one last hug and sweet kiss at the car, my eyes fell upon the shirt he’d carelessly tossed into the backseat. The cotton was far more streaked with red than I’d remembered.

  He observed my scrutiny and put his hand under my chin so he could turn my face back to his, then opened his mouth to speak.

  “You know, no matter what you say, it’s going to start the waterworks again,” I said in a hoarse whisper. The agony over leaving him was a feeling I didn’t like at all. I knew all the months stretched out before me would be wrought with pain. I fought to turn my thoughts to something more pleasant. “Why don’t you come visit?” I brightened a bit. “Very soon!!”

  “Yeah!” he said and smiled then too. “I’ll be working over the summer to save up for a plane ticket.” I tried to imagine what a flight to Vancouver might cost.

  “But…” he began again, and that time he spoke hesitantly. “I’m going to ask again.” He looked down at the ground for a moment, but then his eyes bore into mine, shining with a fierceness I’d never seen in them before. “Why don’t you stay?”

  My eyes popped wide at his question, even though that was the second time he’d suggested such a thing. “Stay?!”

  “I can take care of you,” he persisted. “We can just run away together.”

  As violently as I wanted to stay with him, I knew I just couldn’t do that to Caelyn. And…I couldn’t believe he was really suggesting something so rash… It just wasn’t like him to be so emotional and irrational. My eyes narrowed as I peered at him. He looked a little like he was half asleep; there was a glazed look to his eyes. I laid my hand on his shoulder and shook him softly.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  He shook his head slightly and took my hands in his. “I’m fine,” he muttered, but his voice sounded distant.

  “Hey,” I said more gently, wrapping my hand around his arm in a gesture of comfort and solidity. “You know we can’t do that, right?”


  He didn’t answer, dropping his eyes to the ground. I had no idea what he was thinking…

  “I know about your mom,” I added quietly.

  That got his attention. The haze cleared from his eyes, and he looked at me with surprise. “How do you…”

  “That’s not important,” I said, and it felt like my words further ripped my heart from my chest as I spoke them, “but I know. And you can’t run away from that. And I can’t run away from Caelyn. Or Vancouver.” I was steadfast in my resolve, suddenly. As devastating as the situation was, I knew absolutely that the present wasn’t the time for Ron and me to be together. I didn’t know how I knew, because I was just a stupid teenager. And he was my first love…but I knew. “Your mom needs you. And mine needs me.” The steadfast, responsible Maura had returned.

  I thought he was going to cry, even as hard as he was fighting against the urge. But the depth of his response also gave me hope. I knew I wasn’t alone in the grief of temporarily losing one another. I knew he was taking the separation just as hard as I was, and in that there was strength. That would bring us back to each other. “We’ll be together again, and when that happens, it will be forever.”

  I said that to Ron with complete conviction, because I knew, above all else, my revelation was true. Everything else became a blur. The drive back to the house. Leaving with Caelyn in the U-Haul, his perfect face in the rearview mirror. The forty-four-hour drive, with intermittent stops at hotels I couldn’t recall the next day. I think I ate, but I don’t remember any appetite after telling him goodbye. The only things that stood out about our journey to our new home in Canada were the tears that wouldn’t stop coming and the slow, painful fracture of my heart into an infinite number of broken pieces.

  13. Vancouver!…Well, New Westminster

  My mother’s decision to move had been brought on abruptly, so we were moving into an apartment for a while, affording us the luxury of taking our time to find a more permanent option. As well, the house back in Pennsylvania hadn’t sold yet, leaving Caelyn a bit short on down-payment funds, despite her higher-than-average salary.

  The apartment turned out to be perfect. It was a spacious two-bedroom corner suite, smaller than our little house in Pennsylvania, but just enough to have a cozy feel. Caelyn even let me have the bigger bedroom, though I’d protested vehemently.

  After we’d arrived and everything started to be a little less about leaving Ron behind, I tried to find purpose—I was hungry for distraction. It was still early June, with more than two months remaining until I could find myself lost in the world of a new classroom with an ocean of assignments to drown in.

  For the moment, my mission became ensuring the internet was up and running as soon as possible. Our new carrier was a company called TELUS, and they had an internet-based TV service Caelyn wanted to try. That meant new wiring, which ultimately meant a delay in service…or in my world, a delay in emailing Ron. Caelyn’s company was snail-mailing her a new cell phone with a Vancouver number, which meant we didn’t need a home phone. I could’ve called Ron, but I knew that would be expensive. I’d attempted to once, at one of the few remaining pay phones in North America—the 7-11 around the corner. I’d desperately fed the slot change so that I could continue to hear the sound of his voice, but that hadn’t lasted anywhere near long enough. Oh well, at least he knew we’d arrived safely. And after the operator had come on to ask me for the last lingering coins in my palm he’d stammered, “I-I-I love you, Maura.”

  I hadn’t even had time to answer him, and that was eating away at my very soul.

  Which was probably why I followed the TELUS guy around our apartment, asking not once, but twice, how much longer he would be. Caelyn had obviously picked up on my obsession and ushered me, quite unwillingly, out of the house. I followed her sullenly around the local mall, positive I could have been emailing Ron at that moment if we’d just stayed home.

  I hadn’t even noticed we’d gone into a TELUS store until Caelyn slapped an iPhone into my palm.

  I looked up at her in shock, and she rolled her eyes. “Here, Maura.” She added quickly, “On one condition! You stop moping around once you can talk to him again.”

  I was gaping at her, unable to speak.

  She stood behind me and started tapping the screen. I’d never had a cell phone before. I tried to follow the movements of her nimble, practiced fingertips.

  “He has one too,” she said softly. I felt my eyes mist over. “See, I already put his number into your phone.”

  I felt my eyes light up.

  “For texting! International calls are expensive, so we’ll discuss any of those before you make them. Am I clear?”

  I nodded like a bobble-headed idiot. The generosity of my mother was breaking my heart all over again, but in a warm way. I clumsily managed to compose a short message and hit send. I felt a tear escape, right there in the middle of the crowded store, when Ron texted back.

  I ‘m glad you feel that way too! : )

 

  The rest of the summer was pretty uneventful. Caelyn and I fell back into our normal old routine. Me, hanging around the house cleaning, watching anime and video gaming, and my mother working away most of her waking hours. The seasonal temperatures were quite noticeably milder close to the ocean in British Columbia, but I still preferred staying indoors.

  I took over the kitchen again, once my mother saw that I was adopting her protein-packed menu. I enjoyed walking up to the Safeway, which was about two blocks from our house and bringing home a bag full of bloody beef. I’d taken to sneaking raw steaks, drinking the blood from the Styrofoam trays when the meat was all gone, like a child finishing the milk from an upturned cereal bowl. Of course, I was the only one home when I consumed my treat. I felt horrified by my actions each and every time, but the taste was so heavenly I couldn’t stop. I thought maybe I understood how a drug addict might feel because it seemed impossible for me to go more than a week without one of my fixes.

  Caelyn was adjusting well to the new office and clientele. She must have been a little stressed, though, as evidenced by the bundle of energy she’d become. She was always on edge, pushing herself even harder, working far into the night and running on very little sleep. It was a good thing she’d picked up an addiction of her own—Starbucks. But only high-test, not the fattening, fancy lattes. Caelyn had always been careful about her weight, not that I’d ever noticed an ounce of weight gain during our time together.

  The major difference in my life came in the form of missing someone. Of course, I’d always felt the emptiness brought about by my father’s absence, but there wasn’t a clear picture in my head of the someone I had to do without. With Ron, the situation had played out entirely different, getting to know him, and then having him disappear from my daily routine, which made learning about email, instant messenger and texting—things I’d never really had a need for before—necessary parts of my survival. When my mother introduced me to Skype, I thought I might just be able to survive the summer.

  We always called our Skype conversations ‘date night.’ And I was as fussy with my hair and choice of clothes as if the chat were a real, live date. I would’ve loved to be able to see his face and languish in those deep, green-brown eyes every night of the week. But after a five-night run, Caelyn had stated I was becoming obsessed, so we committed to a three-night schedule…with lots of texting in between.

  As much as I looked forward to Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights when I could see his face again, saying goodbye at the end of an hour—a time restriction also in place to appease my mother—left me feeling hollowed out inside. I was sure I knew just how jack o’lanterns must feel.

  Caelyn kept saying life would get easier, but my melancholy only seemed to grow worse. If I went too long without speaking to him, the image of his face burned in my mind like a hot iron, pushing through my brain and demanding my full attention. He made an appearance in my dreams every single night.

  When Au
gust was drawing to a close, I had to face the fact that my hermit-style existence, with which I’d grown quite comfortable, was coming to an end. I dreaded the new school, the sea of unfamiliar faces. Ron noticed the change in me.

  “You aren’t saying much tonight,” he pointed out. It was the last Saturday before school started. Usually, I felt jubilant when summer was finally coming to an end.

  “Sorry!” I tried to perk up. “Hey, how’s your mom?”

  He lost his smile, and I wished I hadn’t brought the subject up. “It’s not good,” was all he would say. Over the course of our summer conversations, I’d found out his mother had cancer. He wouldn’t talk much about her illness, but I got the idea the disease had been caught much too late.

  “Sorry,” I said again, scarcely above a whisper, casting my eyes down into my lap.

  “It’s okay, Maura. It’s very sweet of you to think of her.” He changed the subject quickly. “But, hey, have you seen your new school yet?”

  “No.” I couldn’t help the sullenness tainting my tone. I didn’t dare look up.

  “Ah, so that’s it!”

  My eyes shot up to screen level. “What’s it?” I widened my eyes in false innocence.

  “The reason you aren’t yourself. You’re worried about the new school.”

  “Not really,” I tried to lie, averting my eyes.

  “Nice try.” He smirked. “I know you too well now for that to work. It won’t be that bad. You’ve got to at least give it a chance.”

  “Easy for you to say. You don’t even have to go back to stupid high school.” I pouted. “You get to start college.” I wished he’d been able to take my mother up on her offer and start at the University of British Columbia. Then, I might be a little happier about attending a new school. With a whole slew of strangers, in a new country. Okay, probably not.

  “I’ve heard that Canadians are very friendly people, so I’m sure you’ll love it.” He offered me a smile tinged with sadness. “And my course load is really heavy, so you shouldn’t envy me at all!” He ruffled his hair back out of his eyes with one hand and chuckled a little, but it sounded tense. I wished, for the millionth time, we were back in Pennsylvania so I could be there—and not just on a computer screen—to help him with all he was going through.

  “Hey,” I realized, “you never told me what your major’s going to be.” The hour was quickly coming to an end. I wanted him to focus on something positive before we had to say goodnight.

  His smile became genuine. “I decided to go for Music Ed.”

  “Wow, a music teacher! Very cool.” I offered my best smile in return.

  “Yeah, you know, in case the whole band thing doesn’t work out.” His grin spread.

  “And miss out on all those groupies?” I raised an eyebrow.

  His eyes softened. “Maura, you’re the only groupie I want.”

  “Maura!” Caelyn called from the kitchen.

  “I know; time’s up!” I shouted back.

  “Actually…” She stuck her head in the room. “…I was going to see if you want to order pizza. But you are right; time’s up.” She grinned at me mischievously. “Hi, Ron.” She waved at the computer screen.

  I stuck my tongue out at her while they exchanged pleasantries. “Pizza sounds great! With lots of meat,” I added.

  “No problem.” She mussed my hair, and I made a small sound of protest. “We can celebrate your last bit of freedom before school starts.”

  I made a sour face, and Caelyn made a hasty exit.

  “Awww, come on, Maura, cheer up. I want my girl to be happy.”

  I would’ve been happier if he’d been bringing the pizza over himself, but the claim of ownership made me smile in spite of everything else.

  “That’s better. Now, come here and kiss me goodnight.”

  We both leaned in to kiss our computer screens. Nowhere near as good as the real thing…but far, far better than nothing at all.

  14. School Daze

  Monday morning came with the unstoppable eventuality of all dreaded things. Funny, when we’d first moved here, I’d have paid good money for the distraction of assignments…lots of them…but my sheltered, safe, almost dreamlike summer had brought on the realization those assignments would be paired with countless unfamiliar faces. More people to treat me like I didn’t belong? Or would Canada somehow, magically differ from my past school-year experiences? For that outcome, I didn’t hold much hope and found the prospect of getting out of bed to be quite the hefty challenge.

  “Come on now, Mink.” Caelyn was finally reduced to physically rousing me from my bed, coming into my room and ripping the blankets away from my pajama-clad body. “I cleared the first part of my morning, so I’ll drive you.” I didn’t move and eyed her with disinterest. “I’ll even walk in with you if you like?”

  I mulled over her suggestion for a moment and mulled over the thought not much could make me less popular than I’d already been all of my life to date. I figured I was entitled to a little comfort. “Okay,” I agreed and skulked off to the bathroom to get ready.

  After a quick shower, I dressed in a black-velvet dress with matching leggings and went in search of eggs and meat. After, I returned to the bathroom to add a bit of powder I really didn’t need to my alabaster-pale cheeks, calling forth my lashes with a bit of black mascara and brushing out my long, dark hair. Caelyn had trimmed the ends up a few inches at the beginning of the summer, but at present it was long enough for me to sit on again. It had continued to gain luster and shone darkly under the bathroom lights, falling into meandering waves. I was amazed. My hair had never been so luxuriously beautiful before. My reflection made me smile as I pinned the front-most locks out of my eyes with Hello Kitty clips Caelyn had found at the mall for me. A moment later, I remembered the throng of strangers I’d have to face and quickly pulled them free, letting the thick strands fall forward to better hide my face.

  It turned out, though, high school in Canada offered experiences completely unlike my past years in Pennsylvania. The classes were made up of a mix of kids from all over the world. The faces didn’t all blend together, and it seemed almost everyone was different in his or her own way. Of course, I got the usual ‘new-girl’ stares, but I reassured myself with the reminder I was someone they weren’t used to yet. I had several people approach and introduce themselves, but no one stood out. Ron weighed too heavily on my mind all day.

  I wondered how his first day of classes was going. Then, deliberated whether or not Caelyn would let me change our Skype night so I wouldn’t have to find out bit-by-bit over the course of many texts. Strategizing a way to bend my mother to my will filled up the last couple of hours of school, although I did manage to scrawl down my list of assignments… My new Canadian teachers weren’t wasting any time. I couldn’t even get all the books I needed into my backpack.

  The school was only about a half hour walk from our apartment building, so I decided to ditch the bus and get some fresh air. The weather was perfect—one of those mild September days announcing the arrival of fall. Ron had an evening class, so I had time to kill. I sent him a text on my way home, letting him know I’d try to convince Caelyn to let us ‘see’ each other that night. He immediately sent back a little smiley face. I felt the urge to text again, to ask if he was having a break from class, but managed to restrain myself.

  Once home, I busied myself with housework and the preparation of spaghetti, with huge meatballs, and a pan of garlic bread, trying to fill in the hours until my mother arrived home from work and Ron from university.

  At times, I was distracted by the noises in the building. The walls must have been thin in places, because I could hear voices and other household sounds emanating from the other units. The sounds echoed on top of each other, coming from the apartments next door, across the hall, overhead…very strange acoustics indeed. At one point, I would’ve sworn our next door neighbor was in the same room with me, singing her hushed lullaby to her infant dau
ghter. The remainder of the hour was spent with the volume cranked on the latest Final Fantasy game—I’d acquired a PlayStation pity upgrade from my mother—shutting out all the overwhelmingly-close sounds bearing down on me.

  As soon as Caelyn sauntered through the door, I pounced, begging with unrivaled conviction that finding out about Ron’s first day—and recounting my own—was of vital importance. My mother’s mood had drastically improved since we’d moved to Vancouver. She was actually beaming down at me…clearly amused by my frantic attempt to sway her decision…during my whole argument, leaving me hanging in silence when I’d finally finished. I was certain she was doing so on purpose. I widened my eyes to emphasize I was awaiting a response.

  “Sure, go ahead, why not.” She waved a hand carelessly in the air.

  I was immediately suspicious. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, of course. Just a very productive day at work. We got the contract for that fancy new hotel.” She looked extremely proud of herself—she’d been schmoozing that client all summer. That explained her upgraded mood. Lucky me for wanting something on exactly the right day!

  “Congrats!” I gave her an enthusiastic hug before running off to my beloved laptop. “Oh, do you mind to turn the sauce down in five?”

  “No problem!” Was that a giggle? From Caelyn? Oh well, strange behavior aside, at least she was happy.

  Once settled at my computer desk, I logged into Skype…to find a surprise. I had a new friend request…from Merina! I clicked to accept and saw she was online. Perfect timing, because Ron was not, and I hadn’t talked to her, excepting one email, since we’d moved.

  As I slid the mouse to place a call to her, one from her came through first. I answered, and my screen was filled with her radiant, pixie-like features. “Hi, Maura!” she squealed.

  “Merina! It’s so great to see you! How’s everything there?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, just as boring as ever. My parents finally got me a laptop for my birthday, so now we can talk to each other! But who cares about tiny Indiana; how is Vancouver?” She breathed the last word as if I lived in some fairytale forest or something.

  “Well, it’s not horrible…okay, except for the missing-all-of-you part.”

  “You mean missing Ron!” She gave me a knowing look, and I nodded.

  “Yeah, you’ve got me there. That part is very, very hard.”

  “I don’t know how you do it.” Her expression was solemnly empathetic. “I don’t know how I could stand to be apart from Shane.”

  “So, you two are still doing great I take it?” I grinned, relishing in her good fortune.

  “Yep! Hey, they’ve got another gig this Saturday. One of the other frat houses.”

  I was momentarily troubled. Saturday was ‘date’ night. But I quickly brushed the disappointment aside, happy for the band’s success. “That’s great!” I hoped she hadn’t caught my initial reaction.

  “I know, right?” She was all smiles, so obviously she hadn’t.

  We chatted for half an hour about the first day of school, what she and Shane had done over the summer and a few details from my chats with Ron. Caelyn came in then and was surprised to see Merina instead of Ron on my screen.

  “Oh, hi, Merina!” Merina waved at my mother.

  “I haven’t talked to Ron yet!” I interjected in a panic.

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, Maura, I was just coming to tell you to take your time tonight. I’ve got the spaghetti sauce on simmer, and the oven is preheated; we can just pop in the garlic bread once you’re done.”

  “Oh, okay...” I didn’t know what else to say. Her state of lax was completely new to me…and unusual.

  When she’d closed the door, Merina commented, “Wow, she’s really relaxed a lot about you and Ron, huh?”

  “She’s in an unusually good mood tonight,” I answered, still following her retreat with my eyes, absorbing the shock. “Oh! Ron just came online. I’m sorry, but do you mind if I go talk to him? I promise we’ll Skype again soon.” I felt guilty for running out on her.

  “No worries! Shane will actually be here any minute. We’re going out to celebrate my senior status and his first day at college.”

  “Oh yeah, he started with Ron today too. You’ll have to tell me how his day went next time for sure.”

  “I will. Okay, I gotta go get ready. Tell Ron I said ‘Hi!’” Then, she was gone…and Ron’s call was coming through.

  I took a deep breath before answering...which didn’t matter. The sight of his face took that deep breath right away. I managed a small, squeaky, “Hi!”

  “Hello there.” There was something bothering him. He failed to produce his typical, exuberant greeting. “I have something to tell you.” Yes, he was definitely worried.

  “Let me guess.” I turned my eyes heavenward like I was concentrating on algebra. “I’ve got it! Saturday date night is canceled.”

  The shock in his expression made me giggle. “H-how did you…”

  I burst into laughter. “I just talked to Merina.”

  “Ah, now that explains it!” He relaxed a bit. “And you’re not upset?”

  “What kind of girlfriend would I be if the good fortune of another gig made me angry?”

  He looked completely happy then. “Thanks, Maura!”

  “Besides, that is an excellent argument for having date night a day early.” I winked at him playfully.

  “Sound reasoning, Miss DeLuca. We do have rehearsal that night, but I’ll have to squeeze it in.” He put his hand up on the screen, and I placed my fingers on top of his, trying to touch him across all the miles between us.

  Time seemed to crawl every day until Friday arrived. Since our Skype schedule had changed, Thursday date night wasn’t happening. It was like no one told my body. I was restless and twitchy all night. Caelyn told me more than once to stop fidgeting during the movie we were watching. I couldn’t comply, so she finally banished me to my room.

  “Sorry, Maura, but you’re driving me crazy!” She gave me her most penitent look.

  Finally, Friday arrived. Fully aware I’d failed my geometry quiz, given my complete inability to concentrate, I’d stumbled through the day in a daze. All I could focus on was 6:00 PM and video access to Ron. We’d have less than an hour—his last class went until 5:45, and rehearsal was at 7:00. After classes that dragged at snail’s pace, I was finally run-walking across the school parking lot, anxious to get home. Video games would make time fly much faster than lectures about the area of triangles or the deconstruction of Wuthering Heights…not that I didn’t love that novel… I just wasn’t in the proper frame of mind to enjoy classic fiction.

  “Maura!”

  There was a dark-haired boy sprinting toward me, a sheepish grin on his face. Uh oh. The boy had been sneaking peeks at me in the three classes we had together all week. I tried to remember his name—something like Darren or David.

  He came to a standstill in front of me, entrenching himself too far inside my personal space for comfort. At that moment, a sharp pain drilled down through my skull like someone had driven an ice pick into my head. It was like taking a too-big slurp of slushie through a straw—a cold, sharp pain. The unpleasantness was accompanied by a very solid flash of Ron’s face in my head. Like someone had imprinted his image physically on my brain tissue. During that brief flash, I was able to take in every little detail…the warmth of his eyes, the exact color of his lips…like the moment was frozen on pause in front of me. I gasped in shock and pain.

  “Are you okay?” He placed a hand on my shoulder, worry leaking into his expression. The pain intensified.

  I managed a response, though. “Ow! Sorry, Darren; my head just started pounding.” I took a step back from him, and his hand fell away from my shoulder. The pain subsided a bit, but I was still wincing in remembrance.

  “Ummm, it’s Damien,” he corrected. “Sorry about your head. Are you okay?”

  I took another step back from him. �
�Oh! Damien! So sorry about that. It’s hard being the new girl, you know.” I could feel myself blush in reaction to my blunder.

  “I’m sure.” He had ice-blue eyes—a major contrast to his nearly black hair. “I wanted to see if you’d go to a movie this weekend. With me.” His finish came out soft, weak, nervous.

  A shock of violent pain tore through my head. I raised my hands to my temples in response, and my pack bit into my shoulder. “Oooow! Sorry, Dar—Damien. I can’t. I have a boyfriend. Ow! So-so-sorry I have to get home!” I wondered if my eyes would start bleeding, the pain was so intense.

  “Oh…” He looked hurt, and I felt bad about that but was in too much pain to do anything other than turn my back on him and stumble toward home. The agony began to diminish to a dull throb.

  “Maura!”

  Was everyone at the school trying to keep me from my home and the soft comfort of my PlayStation? At least I didn’t have another guy to fend off. The new voice was barely audible and decidedly female.

  Although I just wanted to get home and, perhaps, skip the video games in favor of a nap, I turned back to her.

  She approached slowly, shyly. I recognized her from English. Susie?

  “Hi, sorry to bother you.” The girl had huge eyes—green like my mother’s. Her hair was a shade too dark for dirty-blonde and hung just below her chin in a straight bob. I noticed a very few, light freckles scattered solely across her nose. Like someone had sprinkled her once with a cinnamon shaker.

  “Susie?” I chanced it. So far, I had one strike against me.

  “Yes!” She beamed, happy I remembered her name. She put out her hand. “Nice to finally, officially, meet you.” I took her hand, taken in by her genuine smile and sweet nature.

  “Nice to meet you too. I’m not trying to be rude, but I really need to get home. I have this horrible headache coming…” I stopped in mid-sentence, realizing the throbbing behind my eyes had vanished. “Oh wow. It’s gone.” It was my turn to smile happily. Then a current of worry moved through my thoughts. I pushed it into a drawer of my consciousness to be opened later, at home.

  Susie was looking up at my face curiously, with concern.

  “Sorry, Susie.” I tried desperately to not seem weird. That girl wasn’t wearing a cheerleader uniform, so she had true friend potential. “I was feeling bad before, but I think my headache’s clearing up. Did you need something?” I offered up what I hoped was a friendly, normal smile.

  “I just wanted to invite you to sit with us…me and a few friends…at lunch on Monday. I’ve been watching you sit alone all week and…sorry! I should have invited you earlier.” She looked horrified with herself, so I quickly interjected.

  “No! Please don’t feel bad. I needed some time alone. You know, trying to get over all the stuff I left behind. From the move!” I finished in explanation. “But wow…thanks. I’d love that.” It felt good to talk to someone right in front of me, other than my mother. I thought about how nice it would be to have a friend in our new home. A welcome distraction from miserably obsessing over Ron’s absence, if just for a little while.

  “Yeah, it’s hard to move. My family came here from Ontario a few years ago, so I know what you mean. I have to go.” She shot a look back over her shoulder. “My dad’s waiting. But I’ll see you at lunch Monday, okay? We can walk together from English.” She gave me a huge smile and a wave before disappearing into the throng of weekend-ready students.

  15. Darker Daze

  The good feeling I’d garnered from that last exchange at school didn’t last all evening, sadly. At 6:00 PM…well 5:50 to be honest…I was dutifully seated in front of my laptop, logged into Skype eagerly awaiting Ron’s appearance. At 6:15 I started to grow frantic and bored, so I searched eBay for some new dresses to add to my watch list. I checked my Skype screen every few seconds to make sure I wasn’t missing Ron’s call—even though my speakers were turned up all the way.

  By 6:30, I was panic-stricken. Someone had surely abducted him as he’d walked the three blocks home from class…or he’d slipped and hit his head on a rock beside the sidewalk…or somehow, way worse, he’d forgotten me entirely. Was it possible he’d gotten the nights mixed up? I went to get my phone so I could check our texts from the night before and see if we’d mentioned the date.

  There was a text from Ron and one from Caelyn too.

  Sorry, Maura, can’t make it tonight. Will explain later, was all Ron had said.

  Caelyn’s informed me she’d be having dinner with a client, advising me to go ahead and eat without her. I felt completely abandoned…until I heard my Skype alert. He’d made it!

  Quickly, hands shaking, I managed to minimize the eBay window. It was Merina calling. I couldn’t help it; my heart fell, and I was wracked by bitter disappointment. But I pulled myself together and put a strained smile on my face before clicking on the answer button.

  “Hi.” Merina looked and sounded just as dejected as I felt.

  “Hey, Merina.” I put enormous effort into keeping the smile on my face.

  “You don’t have to fake it, Maura. Remember, you told me you were supposed to be talking to Ron tonight? I know you should be talking to him right now.” She sighed heavily and that, combined with the mournful expression on her face, made my stomach turn a fearful somersault.

  My tongue felt thickened by fright, brought on by the fear of what she might say next, but I forced it to form words anyway. “What are you saying, Merina? What’s wrong?”

  “Well,” she started weakly, “I didn’t want to say anything to you.”

  I started to feel a little sick. Dread balled itself up in the pit of my stomach, poisoning me. “You have to tell me, Merina. No matter what it is. I have to know.”

  “Okay.” She looked down, took a deep breath and continued. “Shane told me that on Tuesday he saw Ron walking some girl to class. We both just blew the whole thing off and said it had to be innocent, but Shane said she was walking home with him the next day. And just now, my family went to get pizza at Tom’s, and Ron was there…with her…”

  “When he’s supposed to be Skyping with me,” I finished for her, dejectedly. “Are you sure it was the same girl?”

  “Yeah, Shane went with us.” She looked down again. “I’m sorry, Maura. I hate to tell you. I didn’t…”

  “No, it’s okay.” I could feel the tears start to burn in my eyes. “I’m glad you told me. Thanks, Merina.” I didn’t want to cry in front of her. “Hey, I need to go.” I could barely get the words out. I felt as though I were choking on them.

  “Okay, I understand. I’m really sorry, Maura.” She’d started to cry herself.

  I quickly hit the red End Call button.

   

  Caelyn didn’t get home until almost 9:00.

  “Sorry, Maura!” I heard her call, from my bedroom, as she came into the apartment. “I didn’t mean to be so late.” I heard her steps crush against the carpet…which was strange…and it distracted me from my melancholy for a moment. In the next one, she opened the door to my room, bringing me back to harsh reality.

  I’d already made up my mind to keep my troubles to myself. My reason was twofold. For one thing, Caelyn had been so happy, so different, after moving here. I knew she was finding more success with the clientele here in Vancouver, and I didn’t want to spoil that for her, not one tiny bit. Also, if I brought up my own heartache, doing so would surely recall for her the loss of my father. I didn’t want her remembering that at all, since she finally, somehow, had let go of the pain a little.

  Secondly, I wanted to, literally, sleep on it. Every time I tried to picture Ron with some other girl, my mind responded with a memory flash from our time together. I could only see him with me. Besides, I was getting the story from a third party. There could’ve been some kind of gross misunderstanding. There had to be, but that still didn’t mean I was happy with being put off, and with no real explanation.

  “Maura! I asked you why you didn’t eat.�
�� Caelyn’s voice snapped me out of my meandering thoughts. Standing with her hands on her hips and a very agitated look on her face, I realized she must have asked more than once.

  “Oh, sorry… I fell asleep reading homework.” I’d laid an open textbook on the bed beside me, completely prepared to execute my cover story.

  Her expression told me she was suspicious, and I wondered if my brief crying jag had left my eyes with telltale red or puffiness. I could see her contemplating, but she must’ve decided to abandon her concerns. “Must be exciting stuff. Come on then; you have to eat something before I’m going to let you go back to sleep.”

  I hadn’t thought I could choke anything down until Caelyn carved off some of the very rare roast beef I’d stuffed into the crock pot that afternoon. After the first bite, I wolfed down half of the plateful, surprised at my sudden, ferocious appetite. The comfort delivered by a full tummy made all the excitement from the day wash over me, and I was drowsy to the point of agony. I allowed Caelyn to tuck me into bed, reasoning I’d certainly earned such a childish luxury.

  As she ran her hand lovingly over my hair, I struggled with some memory from earlier in the day. Some vitally important thing I’d meant to ask her. But my brain wouldn’t bring whatever it was to its forefront before I succumbed to sleep. The worry waited, lurking, until my consciousness faded.

  In my dreams, I was sick. Morbidly ill, as I’d feared I might be for some time then. The quality of the dream was cinematic—it felt so real. Looking around me, taking in the bleeping machines and clear tubing running from the IV bag, I knew I was in the hospital. My tongue automatically ran over the places where my canines were missing. The beep from the monitor grew louder until the sound was deafening. I moved my arm up so I could cover my ear to muffle the sound. The rustle the movement of the blanket made blasted through my ears, and I cried out in pain. Something warm tightened around my other wrist, and I understood why I’d only moved one up in response to the too-loud noises. Someone was holding it, someone very warm.

  My vision was blurred, and the light in the room was intensely bright. The same headache I’d been plagued with that afternoon pulsated through my skull. I made every effort to shut out the pain and focus on that face. The long dark hair told me my visitor was Ron before I could fully make out his features in the haziness that was my sight. When my vision sharpened, he smiled at me, but the softness in his eyes held the hard edge of worry.

  “How are you feeling?” He kept his voice barely above a whisper, which meant he knew how sensitive my hearing was. Maybe he knew what was wrong with me. I was hurting all over…my throat burned like a bonfire, and the rest of me was so cold; I was sure they must be transfusing me with ice water.

  I tried to speak to him, to demand a diagnosis, but I was too weak to utter a single word. Caelyn appeared then, cooing over me protectively and imploring me to save my strength and keep quiet.

  My eyes were drawn to a shape in the doorway of my hospital room. There was someone there, a tall, hulking human filling up the space. He—it had to be a man given the size—was shrouded in darkness. I could make out no discerning features whatsoever. A nurse pushed past him, only because he moved to allow her entrance. Funny, even when she was right behind him, I could make out every detail about her. It was as if all the darkness in the room were reserved, solely, for the unknown stranger.

  The nurse brought in a blood bag. Although I couldn’t remember any accident or see any bandaged wound, my brain tried to ferret out a reason for a blood transfusion while she was hooking up the bag.

  While watching her, my eyes switched focus, glancing over at the liquid in the bag. Deep, dark crimson. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. My mouth was like dry desert sand, my throat the merciless sun burning over that desert at high noon.

  A rattling gasp tore up through my chest, and my body convulsed. I was sure I was dying. My blood must’ve had some horrible disease tainting it, and the transfusion’s purpose was to dilute the infection.

  Ron put his hand on my chest to hold me down. He seemed troubled, but other than that, much too calm for the gravity of the situation. “Relax,” he said to me with that same softness to his voice, “you just need blood, Maura.”

  He reached out and nodded to the nurse. She stopped what she was doing and took the bag down, placing it in Ron’s hand. He tore open the bottom, in a practiced manner, and held the plastic spout to my lips.

  “Drink, Maura. It’ll help you faster this way.”

  As shocked as I was by such a turn of events, I complied. In all my waking hours, nothing had ever tasted better. And even though I knew what was happening was not what was supposed to be happening, in my dream I tore the bag from his grasp so I could gulp its contents down even faster.

  I woke from the nightmare with a startled jump. The first thing I did was run my tongue along my teeth to ensure every tooth was still in place. All accounted for, whew!

  Next, I called out to my mother, remembering too late I hadn’t checked to see what time it was on a day that was reserved for sleeping in. I grabbed clumsily for my phone. When I hit the home button, I didn’t even register what the clock said, because there was a text from Ron. I only had time to read a few words before Caelyn burst into the room.

  “Maura! What on Earth is wrong?” Oh well, Ron would just have to wait… After all, he had kept me waiting all of the night before. At least he’d had the decency to show up in my dreams.

  I looked up at her morosely. “Oh, did you have a bad dream?”

  “Yes,” I peeped out, weakly. But then I remembered why I’d called for her, and it hadn’t been to cry on her motherly shoulder.

  “Mom, did you find a dentist here yet?” I got right to the point. She looked surprised and didn’t answer right away, so I pressed harder. “Mom, you promised to find out what’s wrong with me. Did you find a dentist?”

  “Maura, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you…” She put her hand up to the side of my head.

  I pushed her away. “Mom! I think there is. I think I need to go to the doctor!”

  She stifled a bit of laughter. “You. Maura, you want to go to the doctor? The world’s biggest medi-phobe on the planet? The child who hid in the dryer to avoid a checkup?” Diversion tactics.

  I crossed my arms and knitted my brow into stubborn furrows. “Yes!”

  Caelyn creased her own brow and regarded me as if I were a little green man who’d landed in her daughter’s bedroom. “What did you dream about? Come on, out with it.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I latched on to my resolve with a death grip. “Mom! Are you going to take me to the doctor, or do I have to go by myself?”

  When she saw how serious I was, my mother backed off the sarcasm and teasing. “Okay, Maura.” She put her hand back up on my face, wanting to comfort me with her touch. I was a bit penitent for raising my voice to her and leaned into her palm. “But you know the medical system is different here. We need to have our health cards. We can’t just go to the doctor here without them unless it’s a true emergency.”

  I eyed her suspiciously, wondering if her statement held any truth. I’d have to Google some info on Health Canada later.

  “They’re on the way, Maura. My company got that all set up for us. As soon as they come in the mail, I’ll take you to the best doctor in the province, okay? I promise.” She moved to hug me close. “You’re my daughter; don’t you trust that I’d take perfect care of you? Haven’t I always?”

  She had me there. “Yes, you have.”

  “Okay then. You check the mailbox every day and let me know when they come. In the meantime, I’ll ask around at work and get a recommendation for a dentist. Does that make you happy?”

  Even though I still felt as though she were diverting me somehow, I nodded.

  “How about some breakfast? I’ll cook!” Caelyn and her well-played diversions. My stomach grumbled loudly in response.

   

  I’d actually
forgotten about Ron’s text for a little while. The smell of breakfast sirloin and eggs took over the other half of my brain that wasn’t consumed by the fear of what was happening to my body. I only got halfway through breakfast, though, before thoughts of his face pulsated in my head. I ran for my phone, hoping Caelyn would forgive my having it at the breakfast table.

  “Ron texted last night, and I never got to read it,” I said in explanation as I slid back into my chair.

  She looked at me with disbelief, as if it were impossible for such a thing to happen. I ignored her and punched in the number code to unlock my phone.

  Sorry again Maura. Had some stuff I had to take care of. Was late for rehearsal. We played til late. Hope you sleep good! : )

  He’d sent the text at midnight, so at least that part appeared to be true. I hated being suspicious. But still, I had to keep turning it all around in my head. If the girl wasn’t important to him, why did he fail to mention her? Was Shane sure it’d been Ron in the pizza place with some other girl? But how could he mistake his best friend from childhood, especially in a town as small as Indiana, Pennsylvania? Did Ron know Shane and Merina had seen him with the other girl? Or was he insulting me by outright refusing to care whether he’d been caught? Most importantly, who was she??

  He hadn’t said anything about when we would talk again. Did that mean our next regular date night was the coming Tuesday, as usual? The fuse of my quick temper was suddenly lit. My pride was hurt, since I seemed to be the only one who’d been left in the dark, and I still would be even then if not for Merina. That wounded pride decided that, until he could offer more of an explanation, I’d refuse to text him back. I felt another sharp spike of pain in my head as I committed to my plan. That only served to make me angrier, so I took my phone and threw it into a dresser drawer, burying the small rectangle beneath a thick pile of clothes. I forbade myself from looking at the screen until it was time for Ron to be playing at his gig that night. That would prevent me from being weak and looking like a fool by avoiding the temptation to send some whiny, needy text.

  I actually found it easy to keep busy. I cleaned house like a whirlwind, getting everything done in record time while Caelyn worked in the corner of her room which served as a temporary office. There was the matter of a boss battle I’d been having a hard time with to be resolved. I crossed that off the list…with a few helpful suggestions from the internet. Caelyn had picked up the final DVD of Vampire Knight—an anime I’d fallen in love with—so I finished watching that. Later in the afternoon, I even managed to talk Caelyn into a game of Monopoly. I’d only had one moment of weakness when I’d opened the drawer to put away laundry, but I hadn’t reached in to retrieve the phone. I couldn’t help but be impressed by my strength of will, because Ron had been in my thoughts all day.

  When 8:00 PM came around, and Caelyn was popping corn for our movie night, I finally allowed myself a peek at the phone. Ron hadn’t texted once… There were six texts spread over various parts of the day.

  Maura did u get my text?

  Are you mad at me?

  Is something wrong, why aren’t you answering?

  Hey I wanted to ask you if you want to do date night tomorrow night? I don’t want to wait til Tuesday.

  Maura, are you getting these???

  Okay, it’s almost gig time. I don’t know if something is wrong with your phone. I hope you’re not ignoring me. I need to know if you got the text about tomorrow night. If you get this let me know. Wish us luck! I love you.

  I immediately felt wicked for not answering. I reasoned that if Ron said he loved me there couldn’t possibly be another girl he was going out with. Before going to join my mother, I texted him back.

  Sorry too! Busy cleaning, gaming and watching anime. Trying to get mom to take care of some stuff. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, it’s a date! Love you too & hope the gig is going great!

  My giddiness after receiving his last text persisted all evening, causing me to miss much of the movie and inspiring Ron-filled dreams—of the non-scary variety that time—all night. The next day, I made myself get caught up on homework, which I found to be a weak, unsatisfying attempt at distraction. But I buckled down and completed every assignment. I still wanted to get into college and was hoping to go back to Pennsylvania and take classes with Ron if he didn’t get to transfer to Vancouver.

  We’d agreed to ‘meet’ at 3:00, allowing my late-night rock star plenty of time to sleep in. Caelyn ignored me completely when I started bouncing off the walls, changing clothes and doing my makeup in preparation. After finally learning we’d missed each other Friday night—I’d blamed a long-running rehearsal—she wasn’t about to deny me. She felt no desire to suffer my waiting until Tuesday to see Ron.

  He did show that time…but he didn’t get to stay.

  For fifteen minutes, I bit back the question about who the girl at Tom’s Pizza had been. We talked mostly about the gig. It’d gone very well. Everyone had loved the music, and the frat was even interested in recruiting Ron. That seemed to make him excited, so despite the stories I’d heard about hazing and out-of-control parties, I trusted Ron to make the right choices and expressed happiness for him.

  I was gathering the nerve to casually ask him what he’d been doing Friday night when he’d postponed our date.

  He must’ve read my mind, because he said, “I wanted to talk to you about Friday.”

  Before he could explain, a loud crash sounded from somewhere in his house. “Mom?!” he called out, alarmed.

  “Ron, what’s wrong?” I could feel a flurry of wings inside my stomach, like my body knew something wasn’t right before my mind could receive confirmation.

  “Hold on, Maura!” Ron jumped up so fast; his chair fell over. I could hear his footsteps pound down the stairs at a run. Then, I heard shouting, but I couldn’t make out the words.

  The next couple of minutes stretched and dragged, lasting much longer than they should have. Ron came tearing into the room. He leaned over to put his face too close to his laptop’s webcam. “Maura, it’s Mom! She collapsed! I have to get her to the hospital!” The mix of panic and fear on his face broke my heart.

  “Go, Ron!” When he didn’t move, I screamed, “Go!” He didn’t bother to turn off the Skype connection. I watched him disappear, not even aware of the tears streaming down my cheeks.

  When I could again, I walked numbly to the bathroom to wash my face. I tried to stifle my sobs, but Caelyn must have heard me yell because she stopped me in my tracks.

  “Maura! What’s wrong? What’s happened?” She had both hands on my shoulders, trying gently to shake an answer out of me. She did a double-take when she looked at my face.

  “Ron’s mom. He had to take her to the hospital. She’s really sick.” I looked into her concerned eyes, her troubled face. I knew how I would feel if the same thing were happening to Caelyn. It doubled the pain I was feeling for Ron, but at the same time, I was selfishly happy it wasn’t my mother who was ill. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. My sobbing intensified.

  “Oh, Maura, it’s okay. I’m sure she’ll be okay. Ron will take good care of her; you know that. Come here and let me clean your face off.”

  “I can do it, Mom.” I pulled back, but she wrapped her hand tightly around my wrist and dragged me toward the linen closet. “I have a washcloth in the bathroom,” I protested.

  “Just come here,” she cooed at me in her most soothing tone. I watched her dig through the shelf, bypassing the stack of white cloths, until she came to a black one folded up near the bottom.

  “Mom…”

  “Shhhh, just come here.” She pulled me toward the bathroom door but stood right in front of me, blocking my entrance. I felt dizzy, and the world seemed tinged in red. I worried momentarily about that, but thoughts for myself passed as Ron and his mother filled my head again. We could take care of me later.

  Caelyn ran the water until it was warm, so the cloth felt good…comfor
ting…on my cheeks. She dabbed and rubbed down my face and under my chin. I wondered briefly why she was rubbing at my shirt too but was too worried to think very much of it.

  “Let’s get you into some comfy pajamas, okay?” She was already pulling my shirt up over my head. She tossed the garment into the hamper and guided me into my room. “Try to stop crying, okay? It won’t help anyone, and you’re thinking the worst before you need to, don’t you think?” She pulled out a fleecy top with matching bottoms and laid them on the bed.

  “Yes, I guess so. But she has cancer; what if…” I almost started crying anew.

  “Don’t assume the worst, Maura. The best thing you can do is think positive thoughts and send them their way. Do you think Ron would want you crying like this?”

  “No, I guess not…” I pulled on the top, leaving my bra on since Caelyn was in the room. I stood waiting with the pants in my hands, letting her know I needed my privacy.

  “Are you okay now?” she asked, retreating.

  “I think so.” I almost told her about the bad things I’d been thinking about Ron and how horrible I felt about them all then. But I didn’t. When she was out of the room, I picked up my phone and texted.

  Please let me know how she is as soon as you can!

  I didn’t hear anything the rest of Sunday. I slept very little, and the small amount I managed to get was beleaguered by tossing, turning and plenty of blanket kicking. Going to school didn’t even seem like a possibility—how could I possibly concentrate on anything? But I labored through the mechanical motions of getting ready, knowing Caelyn wouldn’t approve of my staying home until I could hear word from Ron about his mom. I texted before I went to school, asking how she was, hoping I wasn’t being too much of a pain while he had so much going on. I wondered if he would go to class.

  I didn’t dare pull my phone out to check for texts during class. Caelyn had threatened service cancellation if I were caught using the device during class time. Between periods, though, my eyes were glued to its screen, as if I could magically make words from him light up the glassy surface.

  Finally, between second and third periods, a text came through.

  Sorry, was up almost all night. Mom is okay, but she is too weak to go home. Going for a shower now, but staying at the hospital this afternoon. Talk later.

  She was so ill that he was skipping class. I wished, for the thousandth time, I could fly to Pennsylvania to help him through all the grief. It was a horrible day. I was miserable, being apart from Ron and, because I let my misery distract me, I was forced to confess I didn’t know the answer to my history teacher’s question…a first for me. I blushed as at least half the class laughed at my blunder. I wished the floor would open up and swallow me, banishing me to some dark, quiet place away from everyone, so I could wallow in my troubles without interruption.

  I slithered off to lunch, dragging my feet while imagining Ron all alone if his mother didn’t pull through. Would Caelyn let me fly back to at least help him through the funeral?

  “Maura!” I was yanked, violently, out of the construction of an elaborate and desperate argument for my mother by the far-too-cheerful greeting.

  “Oh! Susie!” I’d completely forgotten I had someone to eat lunch with that day.

  “Did you forget?” She looked a little hurt when she asked, so I quickly lied to spare her feelings.

  “Oh no, you just caught me in a moment of deep thought.” At least part of that was true. I forced a smile for my first—possible—Canadian friend. I was overly cautious of people after the swimming-hole incident, which had only occurred four months ago.

  There was something inviting about Susie, though. Her oversized eyes had an innocuous openness to them. Her smile was sincere in a way Katie’s had never been.

  “Are you okay?” Concern. Real concern. I could see the difference, since someone authentic stood before me at present.

  “I guess, just worried and distracted… I might not be great company.” I said, although I might have gotten down on my knees and begged for a distraction from my disquiet at that point.

  “Come on,” she persuaded. “I guess I’ll just have to cheer you up!”

  Susie had packed her lunch, but I knew the cafeteria was serving pizza that day, so I bought. The slices were lacking enough meat, in my opinion, but I couldn’t imagine ever turning down pizza. My new friend even insisted I take her vanilla pudding cup as a cheer-up offering. I loved vanilla pudding almost as much as pizza…or beef. She must’ve been psychic. The smooth, sweet texture was comforting, sliding into my empty stomach. Susie watched me eat my treat, quietly.

  Waiting politely until I’d finished, she didn’t try to talk to me until after I’d followed dessert with the main course. “So…you having a hard time living in a new place?” she queried.

  “You could say that,” I answered, as I wiped the pizza grease from the corner of my mouth. I looked into her eyes for a moment. The interest was heartfelt; there was no lurking, hidden agenda like the kind which had always presented with my false friends back home. I realized then; I’d lied to myself so I could overlook the obvious. Her brows lifted in anticipation of my answer, inviting me to spill my guts.

  And that was just what I did. I told that stranger everything for some strange reason. Wasn’t being able to trust her no more than a hunch? Nevertheless, Ron, his sick mother, my increasingly busy mother…even a few tiny details about my health worries…all came spilling out. After I was finally done, it was pretty much time for classes to start again, and I was in complete shock at the amount of personal truth I’d unloaded on a girl I barely knew. Somehow, she didn’t feel like a stranger, though.

  She’d listened carefully, nodding from time to time, but never interrupting. “Wow, you really needed that pudding,” she said, putting her hand on mine. Her eyes grew even wider. “You’re so cold! I hope you aren’t really getting sick.” I could hear the compassion in her voice, but I automatically withdrew my arm from the tabletop. I ran my other hand over the one she’d touched. It felt to be a perfectly normal temperature to me…warm even. I only had time to say, “I hope not either,” before the bell rang, calling us away from the present conversation.

  “Maybe you’d like to join more of us tomorrow?” She pointed toward a small group of students abandoning a table nearby. None were wearing football or cheerleading attire, to my relief. The awareness sunk in that she’d abandoned her own friends to have lunch with me. I knew she’d probably done that because she saw I was still settling in and didn’t want me to be overwhelmed by a large group. I was in awe of her thoughtfulness. It left me speechless.

  “Maybe later in the week?” She mistook my silence…and the slight drop of my jaw from the shock.

  “No! No, that would be…okay.” At least I was being genuine too.

  Susie gave my arm one more squeeze. “I have to run to Biology. I’m sorry! But we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” I nodded. “Oh, and I’m really sorry about Ron’s mom. I hope she gets better.”

  I watched her walk away, making myself late to geometry and facing more embarrassment when the teacher commented on my tardiness…but I had a new hope in my heart, a small bit of happiness to take up residence with all the turmoil.

   

  The rest of September melted away, the days conglomerating into a slow-running stream of stress, loneliness…and the occasional happiness.

  Ron wasn’t around much. We had maybe three ‘dates’ the rest of the month. I was mournfully stung that he never mentioned the card and guitar songbook I’d sent him for his birthday. But he had good reason for being distracted. His mother’s condition had deteriorated the night of her collapse, so she was in the hospital indefinitely. Months of chemotherapy, and the ensuing nausea, had left her unable to keep down much of anything. She needed several weeks of IV-fed nutrition to get her strength back up.

  As if being her sole support system wasn’t enough stress on poor Ron, he had a ton of assignments to complet
e. His mother had insisted he keep up with his coursework. He’d told me he was able to work on them while sitting in her hospital room, watching over her while she slept. Added to all that was the sad situation that gigs had become a necessity. When his father had passed away, the victim of a car accident, his mother had wisely paid off the house and banked the remainder of the life insurance benefit. During her illness, they’d lived on that money, but the nest egg was almost depleted. I’d begged Ron to let me ask Caelyn for help, but he’d stubbornly refused. In fact, he forbade me from saying a word to her, explaining that the frat had passed the word around about the band. Death Moon had bookings every Friday and Saturday night until the end of October. They’d be playing at not only other fraternity house parties, but even some of the bars in town—one of the bar owners, an alumni, had shown up at the last gig. Even though there was no house payment, Ron still had to cover the electric bill, groceries and gas. Luckily, playing in the band was taking care of that for him.

  A hospital bound—possibly even dying—mother, a full-time college schedule, weekend-filling gigs and weeknight rehearsals in preparation for those gigs. He didn’t have time for me, and I knew it. The few times we did talk, I never complained, never looked sad, never mentioned that other mystery girl—who was killing me inside—never mentioned any concerns I had about my own health. I tried to support him as much as possible, radiating joy through every pore while in front of the computer screen. The dark shadows under his eyes and tired pallor of his face broadcast clearly; Ron couldn’t handle even one more infinitesimal crisis. I texted him happy thoughts and encouragement, even when I knew he wouldn’t be able to answer.

  I filled in my time as best I could. There was the housework, less engaging in the one-level apartment. My homework was always, dutifully done. I even went on a few outings with some of my newfound friends.

  Susie had introduced me to the rest of her small group, and they were all very nice, but from the start, she and I seemed to have a special bond. Besides, I hadn’t wanted everyone else to know what was going on in my mess of a personal life, so when Susie and I ventured out, it was almost always alone so we could talk. It was an enormous relief to have someone of my own age to confide in—who occupied the same room.

  Susie had come into my life at just the right time. Caelyn became progressively busier at work. She had dinner meetings several times a week, sometimes even on weekends. I was proud of her success and the happiness it brought her, so I never whispered a word about Ron or let on that our calls had diminished. Whenever she asked about his mother, I always said she was “doing much better now.”

  Caelyn had loosened up a bit, but when I went out, I still had to be in by 8:30—11:30 on weekends—and I always had to call my mother at least once, no matter where I was. She was obviously worried about my health too. She’d taken to monitoring my temperature at least three times a week and was still watching my diet very carefully. Still, when I badgered her about not having a dental appointment yet or complained that the health cards were never going to show up, my mother kept telling me to be patient.

  I was incessant, asking every day, when finally, at the beginning of October, she slapped an appointment card down on the counter.

  “There, Maura!” she exclaimed. “You officially have an appointment with the dentist. Happy now?” Caelyn didn’t look very happy.

  I looked at the card and frowned. “November! This isn’t for a month! I have to wait another month? Mom!”

  “Oh my god, Maura!” She rolled her eyes at me. “It was the best I could do! Everyone is booked up with school starting back, if they’re even taking new patients at all. It’s for the first of November. It’s not really that long to wait.”

  “Mom…” I started to protest anyway.

  “Maura Maxine!” Her emerald eyes blazed, and I took a step back. “Are you in any pain?!”

  “Well…no…”

  “Does it hurt to eat? Do you bleed when you brush?”

  “I’m worried about them falling out…” I absent-mindedly put a finger under one of my canines and wiggled.

  Caelyn smiled at that. Her tone was full of amusement. “Have you been eating too much junk before bed? Stop placing stock in bad dreams, Maura; your teeth are not going to fall out.” She reached up to playfully wiggle the tooth I was playing with.

  “Ow!” She drew her hand back in a flash, and I had a strong sense of deja vu. I saw a ruby bead on the tip of her finger. The strong desire to snatch her finger back, so I could take the blood away with my tongue, filled my whole body… I swallowed hard and restrained myself.

  “Well, they’re certainly sharp enough!” She raced for the bathroom, and I thought I heard her mutter under her breath, “I’ve got to stop doing that!”

  I followed, running the tip of my own finger back and forth under first one canine and then the other. Nothing, not even a scratch.

  “Mom?” I stood in the doorway, watching her run cold water over the wound. My voice was shaky.

  She smiled back at me, unshaken entirely. “It’s nothing, Maura. I just reopened a nasty paper cut I got at work this morning.” She quickly wrapped a Band-aid around her fingertip. “Hey, what’s for dinner tonight?”

  16. Reconnaissance

  If absence makes the heart grow fonder, it also wounds in the process. I’d grown far too used to Skype allowing me to let me see Ron’s face. Since he had only a few precious moments to give me, I was like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I’d observed the process on TV and in movies, and our separation felt just as hard. He texted at least once a day, most days, but the mode of communication just wasn’t the same.

  I was having a particularly morose day, late in October. Susie was in full cheer-up mode. She even resorted to flicking a french fry across the table at Amanda, a very quiet brunette. Our friend squealed as the greasy bit bounced off her cheek and fell into her top. Most of the lunch room turned around to look, and Amanda flushed a red that was dangerously close to purple.

  “Susie!!” she hissed, careful not to let the volume of her voice draw further attention. She fished for the fry, digging deep into the v-neckline of her purple sweater.

  The two guys in our group, Kevin and Daniel, both howled with laughter, and I had to giggle a little. Susie had gone to such effort, after all, even if I did feel contrite over Amanda’s embarrassment.

  “You can’t be mad.” Susie batted her light-colored lashes at her friend. “Look; you got a giggle out of Maura.”

  “Ewww,” was all Amanda said in response. She dabbed at her chest with a napkin and shot Susie a venomous look. Kevin and Daniel laughed harder.

  Megan, the last member of our group, put her hand on my shoulder. “You haven’t been smiling enough lately, Maura. It is nice to see, even if Susie did have to resort to such lengths.” She shook her finger at Susie, like a scolding mother. Megan was a walking school-teacher stereotype. She wore either red or black, thick-rimmed glasses, depending on the color of her clothes, her straight, shiny dark hair twisted into a knot on the back of her head. She was perpetually studious and unobtrusive, with the occasional sarcastic flare.

  “Thanks.” I smiled at all of them, trying to show how grateful I was to have friends who cared about me.

  “Hey, do you guys wanna meet down at the skate park after school?” Daniel asked. “I think I’ve finally taught Kevin how to stay on his board.” Kevin immediately flicked Daniel, hard, on the ear.

  Susie waited until the ensuing, short-lived scuffle was over before she answered. “Maybe for a little while, but I’m going to take Maura out for dinner, so we won’t be staying long.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but the bell rang, and Susie ran off to class, wearing a smug smile while waving goodbye, before I could say a word.

   

  “Okay, Maura, Mexican or Chinese?”

  “Huh?” I’d been deep in thought as Susie and I were walking down Sixth Street. She’d hooked her arm through min
e, and I’d happily been lead along so I could better concentrate on the image of Ron’s face in my head.

  “Do you want to go to Hon’s or Taco Del Mar?” She turned so she could rap on my skull with her free hand. “Hello? Anyone awake in there?”

  “Sorry.” I smiled repentantly. “Are tacos okay? And I can buy my own dinner!”

  “I was hoping you’d say that! About the tacos, I mean… I’m still treating you tonight.”

  “But...”

  “No buts.” She gave me as stern a look as she could muster with that cute, round face of hers. “A girl can take her friend out for a gourmet, extravagant dinner at Taco Del Mar, can’t she?”

  I laughed. “Okay, but I owe you one. And you can at least let me buy you a Starbucks after.” Susie nodded as we crossed the street to the restaurant.

  I knew Susie had readily agreed to coffee after dinner because she wanted to talk. I didn’t talk much while I was eating. My friend knew me well enough by then to know there wouldn’t be much dinner conversation while I had food in front of me.

  “Wow…” Susie remarked as I polished off four beef tacos with a huge side of rice and beans. I’d even eaten some of Susie’s salsa and chips she’d so graciously offered. Susie’d told me a while ago she was in awe of my seemingly-bottomless stomach.

  “Oh my…that was sooo good!” I patted my finally-full tummy appreciatively. “Thank you, Susie!”

  “Hey, I’m just glad you came out with me tonight. You ready to go get that coffee?” That translated to: “Okay, I’d like to talk to you now.” Funny how she and I had an unspoken communication after such a short time.

  “Well, you’re lucky Caelyn had a work meeting tonight.” My mother liked for me to be home on the nights she was there as well.

  “Yeeeeaaaaah…” Susie let the mystery of her sarcasm hang in the air. She flitted quickly to her feet and was halfway to the door before I got out of the booth.

  “Hey, wait up!” I moved after her as fast as the heavy meal would allow.

  After we’d waited for our beverages—there was an unspoken rule that we started no conversations until seated—Susie found two cushy chairs in a back corner.

  Her nose crinkled up in delight as she sniffed at her Cinnamon Dulce Latte. The drink suited her, with that sprinkling across her nose. The flecks somehow made her even more endearing, like you could trust her with any secret, maybe even your life. I’d always wanted freckles, so I envied her that perfect little dusting. But my skin was unmarked paleness. I didn’t possess a single freckle or birthmark—not even a mole.

  I sipped at my regular coffee. I was trying to learn to like the beverage…drinking it made me feel more like the adult I was becoming. I still had to put in some sugar and a hefty amount of cream.

  “Honestly, Maura, I don’t see how you stay so slim. You eat like a lumberjack!”

  “Good metabolism?” I shrugged my shoulders. Must have been, because I hadn’t gained an ounce in the last six months.

  “Some of us are just lucky, I guess.” Susie sipped thoughtfully at her drink. She had her hands wrapped around the cup, drawing in its warmth. Fall was good for that, accosting people with that first chill, prompting them to seek out all the warm things that transformed the season into cozy and comfortable.

  “So, your mom had another work dinner, eh?” Susie asked. She had a funny look in her eyes.

  “Yeah…so?”

  Susie leaned in, conspiratorially close. “You want to know what I think?”

  “Well, I’m sure you’re going to tell me, right?”

  “I think your mom has a new boyfriend,” she finished triumphantly.

  “What?! No! You don’t know how impossible that is!” I shot back. I regarded Susie as though she were a mental patient concocting a theory of impending zombie apocalypse.

  “Oh, come on, Maura! Think about it… Who schedules work dinners on the weekend?”

  “Some of her clients come from out of town. They stay for weeks at a time. There’s just no way…” My mind was reeling at just the idea.

  “Well, that does sound reasonable…” Susie seemed less sure of herself then. Then, she voiced her next thought. “But she didn’t do this in Pennsylvania! You told me she just started working on weekends since you two moved here. Don’t you find that at all strange?”

  “Okay, yes, but it’s a different country and different clientele. Vancouver’s a much bigger city…” But I had to admit I’d started to mull over Susie’s suggestion. She’d successfully planted the seed of doubt.

  “Has she started dressing differently? Like better, you know? Does she get her hair done a lot, wear more makeup? Anything like that?”

  I laughed at her line of questioning. “Oh, you don’t know my mother! She always looks spectacular—her hair and makeup are always perfect, and she’s always dressed up. Millionaire clients to impress, remember?”

  “Well…has her mood changed at all? Is she forgetful, dreamy? Happier?”

  That word made me start. Could a man be the reason behind Caelyn’s upgraded mood? No, it had to be the new job, the change of scenery.

  “Did I strike a nerve there, Maura?” Susie looked quite pleased with herself.

  “Take it easy, Sue-lock Holmes!” She giggled at that. “Like I said, you don’t know my mother. Okay…yes, she has had a definite mood turnaround, but if you knew her the way I do, you’d know that a boyfriend is, simply, an impossibility for her.”

  “How long’s it been since she was seeing someone?” Susie kept up the sleuthing.

  “She never has,” I said. My voice came out weird and strained because the conversation was bringing up the whole Dad thing in that raw spot reserved for him inside my heart.

  “So your Dad…?”

  “Was the last guy she had in her life, yeah.” I couldn’t help wincing. I’d tried not to think about my missing father. The absence of Ron was sufficient to deal with.

  “Wow…” Susie’s face was frozen in a mask of awe. “Now, that’s true love!”

  “Yes,” I answered softly, “and she’s never stopped being miserable over losing him. She’s only told me a little bit about him. Even talking about him hurts her too much. She doesn’t like love songs or romantic movies. And I guess, now, I know how she feels. I don’t think it’s possible for her to be interested in someone new.” I was speaking about myself at the end, as well as my mother.

  “Still…” Susie’s richly-green eyes were focused on some imaginary thought hanging in mid-air. “…seventeen years. That is a very, very, very long time to be single, don’t you think? Maybe the move, the new surroundings have gotten to her somehow? Or maybe she just had to meet the right guy? Isn’t it even remotely possible?”

  I pondered on all that for a moment. “Okay…remotely, infinitesimally possible,” I admitted. “But even if she is, there’s no way she’s going to tell me. Well, not unless it gets to a very serious point, anyway.” I knew my mother well, and that kind of thing would definitely be on a need-to-know basis, like if she were getting engaged or something. I knew her guilt over depriving me of my father… I could tell she felt, at least, partly responsible…so she wouldn’t bring a new man into our lives unless there was a rock-solid future there. “Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “No, you don’t!” Susie interjected, a wild light in her eyes. “You know where her office is, right?”

  “Yes...”

  “The next time she has one of her dinner meetings, we’ll go downtown after school and follow her.” She appeared quite satisfied with herself.

  I thought about her suggestion for a couple of minutes. “I don’t know…” I finally answered. “That seems pretty sneaky…and intrusive…and dishonest.”

  “Okay, point taken, but if she is seeing someone, who was the first one to be sneaky, intrusive and dishonest? Okay, not so much intrusive.” Susie chuckled.

  The thought that Caelyn could be doing what Susie had suggested behind my back star
ted to make me a little miffed. Even if she didn’t want me to meet men she might date, and that I could understand perfectly, she could at least be honest and tell me she was dating again. She had to know how much I worried about her relentless grief over my father’s loss.

  “And you’ll go with me?” I asked meekly. I’d only been downtown once, to see my mother’s spectacular new office. She’d driven me. Given my summer, living like a hermit crab, I hadn’t tried out the SkyTrain yet. Hey, any new thing was a bit scary.

  “Of course! We’ll just go take an innocent peek. Either we’ll find out your mom is telling you the truth and has been schmoozing her fingers to the bone, or…well, you know the alternative.” Susie cut off at the end, seeing my pained expression at the thought of that outcome.

  When I got home, Caelyn still wasn’t back, so I popped on Skype to see if Ron might somehow, magically be available. He wasn’t online, but Merina was. She hadn’t been on much lately, and every time I’d looked at her offline status for the past few weeks, I’d cultivated a knot of dread in my stomach, making me wonder if there might be a troubling reason why she was staying away.

  Nervously, I clicked on the call button. Merina answered, but she didn’t look overly happy to see me. The knot doubled, tripled, making me feel nauseous, as always, when I felt that level of dread. I tried to slow and deepen my breathing so I could keep down the dinner gift from Susie.

  “Hi, Maura.” Merina spoke the words timidly like she was afraid her words were dangerous weapons. The trepidation that filled me made my blood icy in my veins.

  Better to cut to the truth, and whatever was bothering her in such an obvious way? “Merina, I can tell something’s wrong…and you haven’t been around for such a long time. Just tell me. No matter how bad it is, it can’t be as horrible as being left in the dark wondering, not knowing the truth. Would you want me to keep something from you about Shane, even if it was terrible? Wouldn’t you want to know the truth instead of feeling like an idiot for believing something that was a lie?”

  I was referring to that other girl; I supposed because Merina had been the one who’d revealed her existence in the first place, but then I had an even scarier thought. “Oh my god, Ron’s mom… Has something happened, Merina?”

  “No, no! She’s doing pretty good, actually. Shane and I went to see her yesterday. She’s still really weak and everything, but she’s better than she was even a week ago.” Merina had become a little more animated while relating the good news, but once she finished, she dipped her head. I knew she did so to avoid looking me in the eye.

  “Come on, Merina.” I sighed and bolstered myself up, prepared to hear the worst. “Out with it already.”

  Merina glanced up, and she had a fire in her eyes then. When she spoke, there was fury in her voice, and she found her courage along with it. “I just hate to see you get hurt! You’re too sweet to have someone treat you like this!”

  Oh boy, the news must’ve been bad. “Ron, right?”

  “Yes Ron! He’s a jerk, Maura. I know he hasn’t been talking to you much. I asked him myself!”

  “You did? You talked to him? Okay, what’s going on?” What had he done that had upset Merina so much?

  “Yes, I saw the snake. We were coming back from getting some dinner—me and Shane—and he was out on the steps of that frat house…you know, where we went to the party?”

  “Yes, yes…” I nodded impatiently, wishing she’d get to the part where Ron was behaving like a reptile.

  “Well, he was sitting on the steps with her. The same girl from the pizza place. Shane said she’s in one of his classes. Her name is Natalie.”

  I didn’t care at the moment what the girl’s name was; I just wanted the rest of the story. I grasped the edges of my computer desk in white-knuckled fury and implored Merina with my eyes…which felt as though they were bulging out of their sockets.

  “He was sitting there with his arm around her, rubbing his hand across her back. He stopped when we walked up, like he felt guilty or something. I was so furious! I asked him if he’d talked to you lately, right in front of her! He even had the nerve to say he’d been really busy with his mom and homework, so I said to him, ‘Well, you seem to have some free time now!’ Then, I walked away, even leaving Shane there by himself… I was just so angry! And the way he acted like it was nothing…like he wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

  I was hung up on a particular set of her words. “You said he was rubbing her back?”

  “Yes, he was!” Merina spit the words out. I could tell she’d been bottling her anger regarding his actions. “But like I said, he stopped when we walked up…like he knew he shouldn’t be. Jerk!”

  “Well, I guess I know the real reason he hasn’t had any time for me. He has something else to take up his time.” I felt like the biggest fool in the world, making up all those excuses for his lack of attention. Why couldn’t he have just told me? At least that would have been a truth I could respect.

  “Oh, Maura.” Merina’s anger melted away in an instant. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you. But Shane said I had to...and I knew he was right. It’s not fair for him to keep deceiving you. And I thought he was a good guy.” Her voice quavered.

  “Yeah, I did too.” I was fuming. I didn’t usually lose my temper to such a degree, so it was an unfamiliar feeling, being so enraged—being made such a fool of. At that moment, my phone vibrated, making me jump, I was so on edge. I picked it up to read the text lighting up the home screen. “Oh, it’s Ron.” I sounded much calmer than I felt, but it was a bitter, dangerous calm.

  “Really? What did he say?”

  I read his text aloud: “Maura, I’m at the hospital right now, but I need to talk to you. Can we Skype once I’m home? Give me an hour.”

  Merina got angry again. “Damage control, huh?”

  “Yes, he has to know you’d tell me. The last time, he didn’t know you saw him, did he?”

  “I don’t think so… Are you going to give him a chance to explain?”

  “Not tonight. I’m too mad to even see straight. I need some time to cool down before I say something too unpleasant. His mom is still in the hospital.”

  “Maura, you’re too nice,” Merina chided. “Not that I don’t wish I could do the same if I were in your shoes.”

  I heard the front door open, to my surprise. “Oh, Mom’s home?” I questioned no one except myself.

  But Merina answered, “It is after eight there, shouldn’t she be home?”

  “She had a work dinner… She usually isn’t back from them so early is all.” I thought about the possibility Caelyn could be lying to me too, and I became incensed all over again. “I’m going to go check it out, okay?”

  “Sure, Maura…and, Maura?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m really, really sorry I had to tell you that.”

  “No. Thanks, really. At least I can trust you to be honest with me.” I ended the call. It was time I started standing up for myself. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the reason people were dishonest with me. Was I projecting myself as a doormat?

  Caelyn came into my room before I could venture out to find her. “You’re home early.” I tried to keep any kind of negative emotion out of my voice.

  She crossed the room to me. “Maura, are you okay?”

  I still didn’t want to tell her about Ron. She’d already reacted with too much caution regarding my involvement with him. I didn’t want to give her any more ammunition in her quest to prevent me from getting my heart broken… I guessed somewhere deep down I was hoping Merina might be mistaken. But, given what she’d described to me, coupled with Ron’s secrecy and avoidance, I didn’t see how she could be.

  “Yes, I’m just tired. I had a lot of homework.”

  She saw the open Skype screen. “Looks like you were talking to Ron.”

  I let her believe that. “Aren’t you home early?” I pointed the fact out again.

  “Oh, the
dinner meeting!” She said as if she’d completely forgotten to mention her appointment to me that morning. I grew more mistrustful. “Something came up at the office, so I had to put it off until tomorrow night.”

  “Oh yeah, what came up?”

  Caelyn looked rightfully taken aback. I rarely asked her about her work. She eyed me with suspicion when she answered. “Some samples that were supposed to be in today got shipped to the wrong location. I had to pacify the screaming client when she showed up at 4:00, and I had nothing for her. Then, I had to track the samples down. Luckily, they were delivered to Calgary, which is close enough for the courier to deliver them to me by 7:00 AM tomorrow.” She raised her perfect eyebrow at me. “Why the sudden interest, Dear?”

  I knew I had to be more nonchalant if Susie’s plan was going to work. Caelyn would never slip up if she thought I knew something was amiss. Her overprotectiveness would outweigh her own happiness, as it always had. That thought softened me up just a touch, so I could pull off acting more normal.

  “I don’t know. It just feels like you’re never around anymore, and even when you are, I never ask you about what you do when you’re at work. I guess I just think it’s time I started showing more interest—like you do about my schoolwork. And, I mean, you seem to really love what you do. Who knows, maybe that’s what I’ll end up doing too.” I shrugged at the end, looking at her with what I hoped was innocent curiosity.

  She walked over and hugged me, and I breathed a sigh of relief— imperceptibly. “Wow, Maura, you really are growing up, aren’t you?” She pulled away from me and gazed into my eyes, her own glistening. Instantly, I felt guilty and lowered mine.

  “Thanks,” I muttered softly.

  My mother seemed thrilled to find I could be interested in interior design. I’d sentenced myself to an evening of animated discussion, focused around what she did on a day-to-day basis. She even went into her office and brought out some tile and curtain samples to show me. I feigned interest and gave Caelyn my full attention until it was time for bed. I figured that was my penance to pay for lying in the first place…well, not a complete lie. I did think what my mother did for a living was cool, and learning more about her job had offered me a chance to tuck the whole Ron situation into a back recess of my brain.

  When I was lying in bed, I sent a text to Susie.

  Mom canceled dinner tonight. Is tomorrow too short notice to go downtown?

  In just a couple of minutes, she answered.

  No way! Tomorrow is perfect! : )

  I was happy Susie didn’t have other plans. I was hoping to prove her wrong and put the whole scheme behind me. But what if her suspicions congealed into fact? I tried to quiet the muddy thoughts seeping around in my brain, keeping me awake.

  I had no idea what time I finally fell asleep. Ron had texted a couple of times, but I had no desire to read them. I had zero energy left to deal with anything. When I did drift off, my dreams were full of my mother.

  She appeared in several different places…waiting in a restaurant, walking down a city street, sitting on a bench in a park. In every location, she was with a man—I could tell by his stature—but in every scene, he was shrouded in darkness, his features indiscernible. It was like his own personal shadow followed him, obscuring him, no matter how the light fell around him—which gave me a sense of deja vu I couldn’t quite place. Caelyn was speaking, enthusiastically, but her companion remained a mystery to me. He was left in the dark, just like me. But I was the only one standing on the outside.

  When morning finally came, I felt as tired as I had when I’d gone to bed the night before. I dragged my feet into the kitchen where Caelyn was making a pot of coffee. The dark liquid smelled delicious. I wondered, since she’d remarked on my growing up, if she would share.

  “Mom, can I have some coffee? I didn’t sleep good.” My voice came out with a touch of whine…definitely not good for achieving adult status.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mink.” Caelyn was rushing around, smoothly, getting ready for work. She’d always limited, and most times restricted, my sugar and caffeine intake.

  “But I’m so sleepy!” And cranky.

  “Mink, I said no.” She ruffled my hair as she whizzed by. “It’s a bad habit.”

  “But you’re drinking it.” I pouted.

  “I’m too far gone for help.” She winked as she emptied the pot into her travel mug. “Have some eggs, okay? That’ll jump start you.” She hurried off to the bathroom to finish doing her hair.

  I moved like a sloth over to the cabinet to grab down a bowl, so I could whisk up some scrambled eggs. I was careless, and when my arm came down with the heavy object, I sent Caelyn’s handbag flying. “Crap!”

  Of course her purse was open…and, of course, it landed upside-down, more than a little annoying given my drowsy state, but I quickly got down on the linoleum to scoop the contents back in. Luckily, even though it was a pretty roomy bag, Caelyn traveled light. When I turned the Italian leather over, though, the plain brown envelope that was the trademark of the Canadian Government caught my eye. I’d been watching for an envelope like that to show up in our mailbox for weeks.

  It had been opened, so I could easily peek inside. There were two health cards, one for me and one for my mother. The mailing address on the letter inside was for her office downtown. My head reeled as realization sunk in. Caelyn must have asked for them to be sent there, while she’d had me checking our home mailbox for weeks. And how long had she had them? Could it be possible she’d been so busy she’d forgotten to mention they’d arrived? She knew how worried I’d been. I felt dizzy with all the insufferable questions spinning inside my head.

  I knew my mother would be coming out of the bathroom at any minute. At first, I was tempted…very tempted…to thrust the envelope in her face and demand an explanation. I was shocked to find my mother had been hiding my health card from me—which she claimed was the only thing stopping me from going to the doctor for a checkup. I was livid. I looked the envelope over. The postmark date made me see red—July thirty-first!

  Susie must have been right! The only explanation had to be that Caelyn was dating a new boyfriend and was so distracted she couldn’t even remember to give me my health card. Or she was too busy, juggling a more exhilarating career and a new love life, for sparing a moment to care about me anymore?

  I heard the tapping of her toothbrush against the porcelain sink and knew she was finishing her morning routine, so I quickly stuffed everything back into the purse, including the telltale envelope. Trying to focus on Susie’s plan, I went to the fridge to retrieve the eggs. All I had to do was hold back my temper for a few more minutes, I told myself, and my mother would be out the door. If I confronted her then, I knew everything would come out once we started shouting at each other. Even if I didn’t spill the beans about my other suspicion—one that seemed far more plausible at present—Caelyn would probably stop seeing the guy, just to be careful. I wanted the whole truth.

  Like clockwork, my mother emerged from the bathroom at precisely the same time she did every morning. I concentrated on making sure the eggs were blended together perfectly, with no clear gobs showing through, when she came over to kiss my cheek and tell me goodbye.

  “Have a good day, Mink.”

  “Mmm-hmmm.”

  “Be careful going to school.”

  “MMMM-HMMM.”

  She sighed heavily. “Maura, are you really that upset about not getting any coffee?”

  My phone rang. I glanced over but could tell by the ringtone, Muse’s “Endlessly,” Ron was calling.

  “Aren’t you going to almost break your leg to get that?” Caelyn asked, surprise in her voice.

  “Nope,” still concentrating on the eggs, trying not to be enraged…at either of them.

  “Are you two fighting?” I wouldn’t look over at her, but I could tell my mother had her eyes narrowed in utter suspicion.

  I thought fast. “No, he’s b
eing stubborn. He didn’t want to wait until tonight to talk, but I told him I don’t want him wasting the money. I know they don’t have much right now.”

  “Oh! I didn’t know that. Are they going to be okay? Do they need some help?” The concern in Caelyn’s voice softened me up, but it also made me speculate why someone who had such a great heart would do anything to bring me harm. I started to wonder if she could, possibly, have a valid reason for hiding the health cards from me. If so, what could that reason be?

  “Ron’s playing a lot of gigs, so they should be okay.” I finally turned to face her. “I don’t think he’d take any kind of handout anyway.”

  “Yes…” She turned her eyes heavenward, thoughtfully. “He seems like that type of person.” I knew she was thinking back to the time she’d offered to pay his tuition, as was I. How could someone as generous as Caelyn want to hurt her own daughter? My quick temper had cooled quite a bit, but I was still feeling very confused.

  Mom looked at her watch. “Oh no! I have to run, Mink! Don’t forget, I’ll be at a client dinner tonight, but you tell Ron that if he needs any help…”

  I shoved her purse at her. “Yes, yes! I will. Here. Go…go!” My attempt at shooing her out the door and avoiding further, dangerous confrontation worked. She kissed my forehead and told me to try not to worry, before sprinting out the front door.