“Oh.”
Shame fell over him for a moment as he remembered his PTSD attack just outside his father’s hospital room.
“I probably freaked out my brother and sisters,” he whispered.
“Just a little. They’re worried about you. I got you out of there pretty fast,” the voice said.
Andrew took a long, cool drink of water and forced himself to turn his head. Somehow, his head felt like the heaviest rock in the world.
Beth Leopold smiled at him from the driver’s seat of a little beat-up car. She wore only her scrubs still, despite the chill, and her cheeks brightened to a shade of crimson that made her impossibly beautiful.
“You got me out of there,” Andrew said. His voice remained groggy. “Thank you.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Beth replied.
“It all got a little overwhelming in there,” Andrew said. “I guess it’s been a pretty chaotic twenty-four hours.”
Beth clicked on the radio to an old station from the nineties and early two-thousands, a time period that sizzled with memories of their high school days.
“You have every right to be freaked out,” she told him. “Hospitals are emotional places. And I have a hunch you’ve seen your fair share. They must be a trigger for you.”
“I’ve had my share of hospitals, although I think it’s the fact it’s been seventeen years since I’ve been back,” Andrew whispered. “I don’t know why I thought this would be okay.”
Beth nodded. She reached for her purse slowly and searched through it until she found a package of Oreos, which she handed to him with a firm nod. “You should eat something. Family members of people in the hospital never remember to eat.”
“You keep a lot of spare snacks on you?” Andrew asked, trying to lighten the mood as he took the package.
“I have an eight-year-old,” Beth affirmed. “Eight-year-olds are constantly hungry.”
Andrew tore open the silver and blue packaging and placed a cookie between his teeth. As he bit down, Beth said, “I see you’ve become a monster.”
Andrew’s heart sank. First, she’d had this whole other life where she’d had a kid; next, she saw him for what he truly was these days? His eyes were hooded as he searched for what to say.
“I mean, I’ve never seen you eat an Oreo without taking it apart first,” she said. “You just bit down without rhyme or reason. You used to have a perfect technique.”
Andrew’s heart returned to its normal beating. He laughed, maybe a bit too loudly. “Should I be arrested?”
“I’m calling the police right now,” Beth said.
“Harsh but fair.”
Beth gave Andrew a brighter smile. “Do you mind if I drive around for a little while? I always find that helps me.”
“Helps with what?”
Beth pondered this for a long time. Her eyes grew distant.
“When Kurt died, I dealt with panic attacks for many years. My parents were distant; they couldn’t handle the sorrow. I just got in my car and drove and drove. On this island, there isn’t far to go, so I just did circles, fell into nooks and crannies. It’s like I tried to run away, but I always came back to the same place. Maybe that’s the definition of insanity.
“In any case, your family is worried about you, but they trust me to know what to do. The nurse’s scrubs give me some level of authority, I guess,” she continued. “I told them I would have you back when you were ready to come back. No sooner than that. Is that okay with you?”
Andrew’s eyes welled with tears. On the stereo, a Goo Goo Dolls song reminded him of long-ago summer nights, when all he had wanted to do was just sit with Beth Leopold in a car and drive till morning.
Chapter Ten
When Beth had clocked off for the day, she hadn’t envisioned Andrew Montgomery to be stationed outside of Trevor Montgomery’s hospital room. There he stood: just as handsome as ever, yet more rugged and hardened, the kind of man who’d seen the dark side of the world and returned without words to explain it all. She had wanted desperately to throw her arms around him and demand that he remain on the island for good. He was her very last ounce of Kurt. He held memories of Kurt she would never know.
When the PTSD attack had begun, she had recognized it immediately. She hadn’t dealt with many veterans, but the symptoms were clear as day. She had gestured to Kelli, to Steven, and said, “I think it’s just a little bit too much for him right now.” Her hand had found his upper back and she’d directed him, even as he’d looked to be a million miles away. She’d led him down the hallway, down the staircase, and into the snowy parking lot to her car. With every step, his right leg had limped just a little, and she knew he’d been injured while on duty—one reason for his PTSD attack.
Now that she had him in her car with the radio on and the snow fluttering around them, she recognized the peaceful place she’d created. This was what she sometimes had to do for Will, as well; when the world’s chaos turned his little head to needles, she calmed him any way she could.
Beth turned on the engine and eased them out of the parking lot. Andrew sipped more of his water and ate another Oreo, this time taking it apart like an architect studying the inner design. He slid his tongue across the icing and said, “Ah, yes. I remember this now. You’re right. Eating it the other way is just not as satisfying.”
How could a girl like Beth—a relative loner, beyond her few friends here and there—bridge the gap between herself and Andrew? Too much had happened. The world had shifted off its axis, and they were the scattered debris.
“How does Oak Bluffs look to you now?” she asked him softly as they eased down Circuit Avenue, past the Sacred Heart Church.
“Like a town filled with ghosts,” Andrew said honestly. “But just as beautiful as ever.”
“That seems to be a constant,” she said with a smile.
“It’s what brings the tourists in from all over the world,” Andrew said with the slightest bit of sarcasm. “I can’t say I blame them. I just kept a wide berth as long as I could.”
Beth continued to drive without any real direction in mind. Wing Rd turned into Barnes, which snaked across the eastern side of Lagoon Pond. Andrew’s face turned forever toward the window; his eyes caught everything.
In time, they crept through West Tisbury and then entered Chilmark. The landscape shifted; the heavy tourism of the previous areas fell away.
“Are you taking us to Aquinnah Cliffs?” Andrew asked suddenly.
Beth hadn’t gone out to Aquinnah in a year or two. She worried about Will in every environment; she didn’t need to add any cliffs to the equation.
“If you want to go there, we can go,” she said.
“I do.”
Aquinnah Cliffs Overlook offered glorious and sweeping views of the Atlantic Ocean, which seemed monstrous and foreboding beneath the heavy winter air. As they stood on the cliff’s edge, the wind ripped into them like a kind of warning. Beth slid her hands into her coat pocket and focused on the horizon line. She didn’t want to look down; it gave her the creeps.
“There it is,” Andrew said softly. “I’ve dreamed about this view almost every month for the past seventeen years. Just when I thought I’d shaken the dreams out of my head, they came back with a vengeance. I was always glad for it, too. Like my brain wanted to give me something beautiful to look at. Something familiar. Especially while I was over there.”
Beth knew he meant the Middle East.
“I think coming back was a mistake,” Andrew breathed. “Claire and Charlotte call me Andy like I’m still their kid brother. Steven’s kids are all grown up, and Claire and Charlotte have kids who hardly know my name. They’ve obviously gotten along just fine without me. I’m the forgotten Montgomery.” He sucked in a breath as he looked out over the ocean below and then continued. “I keep thinking about all the family dinners they’ve had without me, all the Christmases and Thanksgivings and the Fourth of July parties. For the first few years, maybe they felt like there was something miss
ing. But now? It’s just been too long. I came back because Claire said Dad probably wouldn’t make it. Now that he’s ready to come back to the world, what? They don’t need me here anymore. I would do everyone a favor if I just hopped on the ferry right now and never looked back.”
Beth blinked back tears. Her eyes felt like ice against the chilly wind.
“I know it must feel that way,” she whispered. “But all I can say is, I think your family has missed you much more than you know. They love you so much, Andrew.”
When your parents saw me, they could hardly speak to me. I reminded them of you. I represented what could go really wrong if you didn’t come back alive at all.
There was a buzzing sound. Andrew leafed into his pocket and drew out his phone.
“I don’t recognize the number. I guess it’s one of my siblings.”
“Answer it,” Beth said.
“I don’t know.”
Beth couldn’t force him into his family. She couldn’t say, If you didn’t have a family, it would be the only thing you wanted in the world. That was inherently selfish, even if she really did believe this to be true.
When the ring cut out, another came through.
“I don’t think they’re going to give up on you so easily,” Beth said.
But Andrew let it go to voicemail yet again. Seconds later, a message appeared on his screen, which he allowed Beth to read.
UNKNOWN: Hey. This is Steve. Dad needs to rest, so we’re headed back to the family house to have some dinner. I hope you’re okay. We want to spend some time with you if you’re ready. I know it’s a lot at once. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.
Andrew shoved his phone back in his pocket. His face was stoic. Beth knew that she had to head off soon anyway; she had to pick up Will from his after-school therapy program. She felt anxious being in the very center of two things she very much cared about.
“Thank you for bringing me out here,” Andrew said. “I can finally breathe again. Back at the hospital, I wasn’t sure that would be possible.”
“Don’t mention it,” Beth said. “You know I’d take any chance to drive Andrew Montgomery around in my car.”
Andrew gave her the shadow version of his terrifically handsome teenage smile. Her heart stopped beating for a split-second. He really was attractive, even in his clear anger and turmoil. She wanted to tell him how much she loved his smile, but she knew it was better not to say a word.
“Do you mind driving me back to Oak Bluffs?” he asked.
“I’m heading that way myself,” she said.
Andrew’s smile didn’t falter as he turned back toward her car. “So. Are you ever going to tell me what your son’s name is?”
Beth was surprised he had taken an interest. She had thought he would freak about it and run as far as he could in another direction.
“His name is Will. Will Leopold,” she said.
“He took your name,” Andrew said.
“There was no other name to take,” Beth told him.
Andrew contemplated this. Obviously, there were a number of things to explain: that Will’s father had been a summer fling; that she hadn’t been willing to end a pregnancy, especially not after she had lost so much; that the love Will had brought into this world had blown her over with its magic.
“Will Leopold is a name suited for European kings,” was all he said instead as he slipped back into her car. “He’s going to be famous one day.”
Chapter Eleven
Andrew had never recovered so quickly from a panic attack. Ordinarily, they were all-encompassing and left him flat on his back for the rest of the evening. Only when sleep came, if it did at all, could he find any kind of relief.
Beth brought a level of welcome calm to his frantic mind. As she drove them back toward Oak Bluffs, she crafted a conversation that lacked nostalgia and had nothing to do with today’s sadness; one that brought out the life and vitality that had once brewed between them when they had been much younger kids.
Once outside the Montgomery family house, Beth heaved a sigh and said, “Every time we drive past this place, Will asks about it. He thinks it’s haunted.”
“The kid might be right about that,” Andrew said with a wink. “Kids are always good about that, aren’t they? They’re always the ones who figure out what’s wrong in scary movies.”
“Any ghost that passes Will’s path will have a lot to reckon with,” Beth said. “He can be quite a handful.”
“Like any other boy in the world,” Andrew affirmed. “I was a monster.”
Steven’s truck and Claire’s car had returned to the Montgomery family driveway. Their mother’s car was presumably up at the hospital, and their fathers was at the salvage yard somewhere, all crumpled up after the accident.
“Wish me luck,” Andrew said as he popped out the side of the car. He hovered in the gap of the door and made heavy eye contact with Beth Leopold, the only woman he would have welcomed into haunting him. “It was so good to see you, Beth. Thank you for getting me out of there when I needed it.”
“Don’t mention it,” she said. “If you stick around, maybe our paths will cross again.”
Beth always had that way about her. She knew how to play “cool,” and it came off so easy, as first-nature as breathing. Andrew walked up the driveway and rammed his hands into his pockets. His leg continued its angry hiccup, but he hardly noticed.
When he entered the front door, the smell of New England clam chowder, his mother’s glorious recipe, assaulted his nostrils. The memory of it made his mouth water on command.
“Who’s that?” Claire called from the kitchen.
Charlotte appeared outside the kitchen to check. There was a splatter of chowder across her chest, and she held a glass of red wine in her hand. She grinned to show red wine-tinged teeth.
“There he is. Andy’s back!”
She looked at him without anger or remorse. She looked at him playfully, with the scornful look of an older sister. This time, it didn’t annoy Andrew in the least.
“Andrew! Get in here. We got the game on and Charlotte’s pouring illegally large glasses of wine,” Steven called.
The kitchen jutted out to the side into a TV-room, where Steven, Kelli, Abby, Gail, and another girl Andrew assumed was Rachel sat. A football game appeared on the screen. Rachel’s eyes dug into him curiously, just as Charlotte snuck up behind and said, “Little bro, I’m so happy you get to meet my best girl. This is Rachel.”
Rachel popped up from the chair in the corner. She had a funny mix of Jason and Charlotte’s features and had somehow stirred them together to craft her own unique look. Before Andrew could speak, she threw her arms around him.
“Uncle Andy! I’ve heard so much about you over the years.”
And I only learned you existed last night.
“How is it possible that you girls are all teenagers already?” Andrew said to Gail, Abby, and Rachel as the hug broke.
“Tell me about it,” Claire said as she hovered over a huge vat of clam chowder. “You blink once, Andrew, and then—whoosh. Time catches up to you.”
“Come sit with us,” Kelli demanded. She tapped the space beside her on the couch, one that, funnily enough, looked to be the same exact one that had existed in their family room, the room that had been dubbed ‘only for family.’
Andrew did as he was told and the moment he collapsed, Charlotte appeared beside him with a glass of merlot. He clicked his glass with Kelli and with Steve, before turning to click his with Gail, Rachel, and Abby’s glasses of hot apple cider.
“Laura’s on her way,” Steven announced. “Along with Jonathon and Carrie and their babies and Isabella.”
“My three are on their way as well,” Kelli said. “They were such little things when you left.”
“Jonathon remembers you,” Steven asserted. “We talked about it a few weeks ago, actually, around Thanksgiving time. He said he remembers playing catch with you in the backyard. Apparently, it was b
ig news to him, the fact that his uncle was the star pitcher at the high school.”
“It sounds like a story from someone else’s life,” Andrew said.
“You were a killer on the mound,” Steven continued. “The guy at-bat never knew what was coming for him. I watched you pitch that no-hitter your junior year, remember? We went out and celebrated after, me and your buddy. What was his name?”
Kelli ribbed Steven with her elbow. That had reminded Steve that he wasn’t supposed to bring up Kurt’s name, not that he’d remembered it.
“Oh, man. I’m so sorry about that,” Steven said.
“It’s okay,” Andrew said. He was surprised to feel that he really meant it. “That was one of the best nights, that no-hitter. And me, you and Kurt went out on the boat after. Laura was so mad that you got home late. Jonathon must have been just five or six.”
“That’s right,” Steven agreed. He gave Andrew a grateful smile. “She was not thrilled.”
“Who wasn’t thrilled?” Laura’s voice rang out from the kitchen as she entered with a platter of what looked like brownies. She grinned broadly at Andrew as she said, “Well, hey there, Andy Montgomery. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
There was the sound of a screeching baby, another sound of a woman doing what she could to calm that same baby. A dark voice Andrew didn’t recognize said, “Let me take him.”
“No, no. Go say hello to your uncle,” a woman said. “I’m sure he’s dying to see you again.”
In actuality, Andrew was. He nearly jumped to his feet when he spotted the twenty-four-year-old version of Jonathon Montgomery: tall and broad-shouldered like all the Montgomery men, with a twinkle in his eye that reminded him of Steven as a younger man.
“Uncle Andy,” he boomed. He said it like a guy who tried and failed to hide his excitement. “Man, it’s good to see you.”
“You’re even older than I was when I left the island,” Andrew said as he shook his nephew’s hand.
“Don’t rub it in,” Jonathon said with a laugh. “Now that I have two kids of my own, I feel ancient.”
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