by Kaylee Ryan
“You sure she’s yours?” Tyler asks.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I pull out my phone and scroll to the picture of Kendrix. I hand him my phone. I’m not offended at his question. This is all coming out of left field for them, and that’s on me. I never should have kept her a secret. I should have screamed from the rooftops that she was mine. Then, maybe, just maybe, she never would have been in the accident. I would have been with her that night. She could have told me about the baby, and I would have kept her with me.
Always.
I never would have missed her growing round with our child. I would have been there the moment my baby took her first breath. I would have been there for every moment. Instead, I ran scared. Went to Bottom’s Up with the guys, had a few beers, wallowed in the fact that she meant something to me. I should have been a man. Instead, I acted like a coward. So, while Delaney’s mother is to blame, so I am. That’s something that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
“She’s a cute kid. Looks just like you. But those eyes, those are all her momma,” Mark says, handing me my phone.
“She’s the perfect mix of both of us.”
They nod. Just like that, I have their acceptance and support. “We’re having a test done. I don’t need it. But Laney, she doesn’t remember us. I mean, she dreams about me.” I go on to explain the dreams, and they don’t look surprised, so I’m guessing Delaney told the girls all about it, which in turn, they filled their husbands in.
“Good to have it in writing,” Seth says.
“Yeah.”
“How you holding up?” Mara asks.
“I’m a nervous fucking wreck, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited about anything in my entire life.”
Her eyes soften. She stands from her desk and comes around to wrap me in a hug. “We’re all here for you. We told Delaney the same thing,” she says, pulling back. Seth snakes his arm around her waist and pulls her into him. “She has our numbers. We offered to watch Kendrix in case things get heated, but she doesn’t think that it’s necessary. Apparently, her mom isn’t much of a yeller. Delaney says she’s more of the ‘I’m going to ignore you and the situation’ type.”
“Yeah, I don’t know about all that, but I appreciate you reaching out to her. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling, what’s going through her head. I’m trying to not push her, but fuck, everything about her is familiar to me. It’s ingrained in my memory. Every second, every minute I ever spent with her.”
“They’re your family, Kenton. That means that they’re our family.” Mara says it like it’s the simplest of things.
She’s right. It is that simple. We can’t change the past. I need to stop dwelling on that and focus on what’s important. Meeting my daughter. Making sure she knows how much I love her. I do. I’ve never met her, but I feel it in my heart. The minute I saw her on screen, I knew she was mine. And her momma, well, if I have my way, she’s going to be mine too. She’s always been mine. I just never told her. That’s all about to change.
Delaney left over two hours ago to go to the airport. I’m trying not to worry, but it’s hard not to. I’ve been shit help today, but the guys haven’t said a word. My friends, my brothers from other mothers, have my back. The airport is about forty minutes away, so we’re looking at an hour and twenty for drive time. Forty minutes is a stretch. They have to get their bags, and the plane could have been late, traffic…. I list off all the reasons they’re not here yet.
“Wow. Momma, this house is so big. It’s like Barbie’s house,” a sweet voice breaks into my thoughts.
I freeze.
“It’s a big house, for sure.”
“Like Barbie’s,” the sweet voice says again.
A smile spreads across my face, and I feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I turn to look and see Ridge. “You good?”
I nod. I can’t speak.
“Are we going to live here?”
“No,” a voice I recognize as Tillie Nottingham answers.
I ball my fists at my sides. “Mother,” Delaney scolds her. “I’m not sure, sweetie,” Delaney answers our daughter. “We’ll just have to see how things turn out. You think you’d like living here?”
“Oh, yes,” she says quickly. “It’s pretty here, and it’s not noisy outside like it is at home.”
My smile is back.
“Hey, little lady,” Seth says.
“Hi, are you Mr. Kent?” she asks with hope in her voice.
I swallow hard.
“No. My name is Seth. It’s nice to meet you,” he says. I can imagine he’s holding his hand out for her.
I should be mad he’s meeting her before me, but I can’t be. She asked for me. My little girl asked for me. Yeah, I know she doesn’t know who I am to her, but that one simple question, it restored all of my fear, spinning it into hope. With five words from my daughter, I know that everything is going to be okay.
“Do you hammer nails too? Mr. Kent said he would teach me,” Kendrix says. “Oh, and my name is Kendrix Layne Nottingham.”
“He did? Well, can I tell you a secret?”
“Oh, I’m good at secrets. Right, Momma?”
“You are, baby,” Delaney agrees with her.
“Well, Mr. Kent, he’s the best at hammering nails. I can do it, but he’s so much better than me.”
There’s a shuffle of feet before she says, “Oh, is he here? I really want to hammer a nail.”
Seth chuckles. “He’s here. It was nice to meet you, Kendrix Layne Nottingham.”
“Bye, Mr. Seth,” she calls out, and I hear his heavy footfalls.
He appears in the door, and the smile on his face has jealousy pinching my gut. “She’s all you, my man. No denying that. She’s smart as a whip too. Wouldn’t put it past her to figure it out on her own.” He laughs, and something that feels like a flock of birds take flight in my gut.
“Momma, let’s go find him. Please, Momma.”
“No,” Delaney’s mom says again.
“Mother.” Delaney’s voice is stern. “I have you set up in the bedroom at the end of the hall on the second floor. Why don’t you go lie down? Kendrix and I are going to find Kent.”
“Delaney.” Mrs. Nottingham’s voice cracks.
“I know, Mother. I know it all. We’ll discuss this later.” She leaves no room for negotiation in her tone.
“I was protecting you. Both of you.”
“From what? What were you protecting me from? Love? Strong work, Mother, you succeeded,” Delaney spits out.
“He’s—” her mom starts, only to be shut down again.
“Enough. You will say nothing further, do you understand me? You’re in my house, Mother. And this is my life. You no longer get to run the show. I can’t even look at you right now.”
“Momma, what’s wrong?” Kendrix asks, and I step toward the door. A hand on my shoulder stops me. I know it’s Ridge without looking. He’s been standing there since they got here.
“Nothing, sweetie. How about you and I go find Mr. Kent?”
“Yay. Momma, do you know how to hammer a nail?” she asks.
“I do, but I’m sure Mr. Kent is so much better than Mommy.”
“Maybe he can teach you too?” Her sweet little voice is hopeful.
“I’m sure he will, sweetie.”
Their footsteps grow closer. My eyes are glued to the door as I stand frozen, waiting to see her for the first time. When they step into the open doorway, my heart stalls in my chest.
My daughter.
My baby girl.
My world.
Delaney drops to her knees. I don’t take my eyes off her as she brushes Kendrix’s hair out of her face. “Mr. Kent, he’s… a very special man to Mommy and to you.”
“’Cause he’s good at hammering nails?”
I hear the guys chuckle behind me, and my smile appears yet again. “I don’t know about that. I’ll let you be the judge. Kendrix, I’d like you to meet Kent.” She
points at me and I pull in a ragged breath.
Kendrix takes one step, and then another, and another until she’s standing in front of me. I drop to my knees and just stare at her. She’s beautiful. The perfect mix of Delaney and myself. I want nothing more than to hug her tight. Wrap my arms around her and never let her go.
“Hi.” She waves. Her smile falters when she looks down at me.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?”
“Where’s your hammer?”
I chuckle. “You ready for me to teach you how to hammer a nail?”
She nods her little head up and down like a bobblehead on the dash of a car.
“Well, I have something for you.”
I stand and walk over to the corner of the room. I grab the small kit I bought at Lowe’s earlier this week when we were picking up supplies. It’s for kids, with a small hammer and nails. It’s in a pink gift bag, and I feel stupid for handing my little girl a gift she doesn’t know is from her daddy. I crouch back to my knees to be on her level. I don’t want to miss a minute of this moment.
“Oh, thank you. Can I open it, Momma?” She looks over her shoulder at Delaney, who nods.
My eyes find hers, which are misting with tears. Kendrix rips into the package, and the smile that lights up her face will remain with me until the day I take my last breath.
“Oh, it’s all mine? I have my own hammer? Cool.” She drops the bag and throws her arms around my neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she says, her little voice right next to my ear.
I try to fight it. But I can’t. I put my arms around her and hug her back. Emotion clogs my throat, and I blink rapidly, fighting back the tears. I don’t want her to think I’m sad, especially when I’m the complete opposite. I’m happy. So fucking happy to finally be holding her in my arms.
“Can we do it now?” she asks.
“Sweetie.” Delaney clears her throat. “Mr. Kent is working. I’m sure we can do it later.”
“Hi.” Ridge bends down and holds his hand out to her. “I’m Ridge.”
“Hi, Mr. Ridge.”
“You know, I think now is the perfect time for you and Mr. Kent to work on learning to hammer nails.”
“Really?” she asks excitedly. She jumps and claps her hands. Then turns to face Delaney. “Did you hear, Momma? We can do it now.” She whips back around, grabs the gift bag, and holds her hand out for me. “Ready, Mr. Kent?”
My daughter. “I’m ready.” I look up at Delaney and she nods. “Let’s go to the kitchen so you can sit at the table and be able to see what you’re doing.”
“But you hafta teach me,” she says, putting me in my place.
“I will. I promise.” In my head, I’m making her a million more promises. To always be there, to scare off her dates, to kiss her skinned knees, help with science fair projects, never miss a sporting event or any other major event in her life, and most of all, to never break her heart… just to name a few.
We make our way to the kitchen, and I open the package, setting it all out on the table. I take my time explaining the hammer and the safety of not smashing your fingers and being careful with the nails. Kendrix hangs on my every word. By the time we’re finished, she’s successfully built a small birdhouse.
“That was so much fun. I want to build more stuffs.”
I laugh. “We can do that. I’ll get some more. I think you’re ready for some of your own tools too.”
“Oh, I am,” she agrees, nodding.
“We’re wrapping up for the day,” Mark says, sticking his head in the kitchen door.
“All right.” I turn my attention back to my daughter. “I guess it’s time for me to go home for the day.”
“Aw, can you stay?”
Oh, baby girl. I wish I could. “Not today. But I’ll be here tomorrow. I actually have an appointment. My doctor is coming here to test my spit,” I say, wrinkling my nose.
“Ew, what’s wrong with your spit?” she asks with a look of disgust on her face.
“Nothing. Just testing it out. Hey, you want to do it with me?”
“I don’t know. What do I hafta do?”
“You know what a Q-tip is?”
She shakes her head. “When your momma cleans out your ears.”
“Oh, those tickle.” She laughs.
“Well, I have to open wide, and they swipe it across my cheek and that’s it.” I look up at Delaney and she nods. We didn’t discuss how we were going to go about telling Kendrix about the test. It just kind of came to me and I blurted it out. And I want her to know that she’s going to see me again tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. Every day for the rest of her life.
“Oh, do they do it back here?” She opens her mouth and points at her throat. “I don’t like that,” she tells me. “I was sick, and Momma had to hold my hand and the doctors choked me.”
“They had to swab your throat to test for strep throat. They were not choking you,” Delaney speaks up.
“I didn’t like it, Momma.”
“I know, sweetie, but it helped the doctors know how to treat you and make you feel all better.”
Just something else I missed out on. I soak up every tidbit of information I can like a sponge. “That’s it. Just the cheek.” I open my mouth and show her.
“Okay. I can do that. Are you scared, Mr. Kent?”
“No, sweet girl. I’m not scared.”
“Me either.” She sits up straighter, squaring her little shoulders.
“Hey, Kendrix.” I look up to see Ridge in the doorway. “Did you know that I have a son and a daughter close to your age?”
“You do?” Her little eyes grow wide.
“I do. In fact, they have lots of cousins too. How would you like to come over and play sometime?”
“Oh, Momma, can I? Please, can I?” She looks at Delaney and then turns back to Ridge. “Can I come today?”
He chuckles. “You’re always welcome.”
“Please, Momma. Oh, please.”
“Sweetie, you don’t know them.”
“But Mr. Kent does. And Mr…. I forget his name.” She points at Ridge, making us all laugh.
“You sure you want to go?”
“I do. Mr. Kent, can we build more things?”
“Actually, we’re making cookies at my house tonight,” Ridge tells her.
“Oh!” she exclaims. “I love to make cookies. Please, Momma. Please, please, please.”
“Okay,” Delaney relents.
“Yay!” She climbs off the chair, and I reach out to hold it, so she doesn’t topple over.
“Where are you going?” I ask her.
“To get my shoes. I’m making cookies with him.” She points to Ridge and then races out of the room.
“We need to talk to her about stranger danger,” I tell Delaney. I’m smiling but serious at the same time.
“I have. She doesn’t see anyone as a stranger. They’re all her friends.”
“Kent used to be the same way. He was always the most outgoing out of all of us growing up,” Ridge tells her.
“Really? I’m thinking we need to have a little chat. I need some dirt on this one.”
“Nope. Closed book. You see, the five of us were inseparable, so if I give you his dirt, I’m also giving you mine.” Ridge smirks.
“Ready,” Kendrix announces. She has her coat on upside down and her shoes in her hands.
“All right, missy. How about I drive you over to Ridge’s house, and you can make some cookies for a little while?”
“Yay. Let’s go, Momma.” She runs out of the room.
“Wait for me!” Delaney calls out to her. “Thank you, Ridge. Are you sure?”
“Positive. I know the wives offered, and you’re worried, but I promise you, she’s family. I’d never let anything happen to her.”
I stand and go to Delaney, standing as close as I can without holding her. I don’t want Kendrix to see that. Not yet. Not until I tell her that I’m her daddy. That day can’t come s
oon enough. “Laney, do you want me here with you when you talk to your mother? Or I can to go to Ridge’s with Kendrix.”
She bites down on her bottom lip. “Can you go with her? I mean, I know we can trust them, you trust them, but I don’t know them. I don’t know you either, but I trust you. And I’ve seen you for years in my dreams, and she looks like you, and you have a picture of us, and all these stories, and...”
I lean in and kiss her cheek. “I understand, baby. She’s safe with me. I promise you that, Laney. I hate that you can’t remember our time together, but I promise you she’s safe.”
“I know.”
Simple, complete acceptance. I know she feels this connection between us. I see it in her eyes. I just wish she could remember. I need to help her remember. I want her to have the same memories of our time together. Hell, I even want her to be mad at me for standing her up that night. I want it all. I’d rather fight with her and grovel at her feet than her not have those memories.
The memories of how it all began. The memories of conceiving our daughter.
“Let me get my coat.” She walks out of the room.
“Thank you, man. I can’t….” I run my hands through my hair.
“No worries, brother.” Ridge nods and disappears.
I follow him to find Kendrix on the floor wrestling to get her shoes on. “You need some help?”
“Yes, please.” She huffs and sits back, holding her weight on her arms. “This is hard work.”
I don’t hide my smile. “Good thing I was here to help.”
“I’m a big girl,” she tells me.
“You are. But sometimes it’s okay even for big girls to ask for help.”
“That’s what my momma says to me.”
“Your momma is a very smart woman.”
“I’s going to be like her when I get big.”
“There you go.” I finish with her second shoe. “Now, what do you say we do something about this coat?”
“It feels funny.”
I make a silly face and she giggles, the sound cementing into my heart. “Well, it feels funny because you put it on upside down, you silly goose.” I reach out and tap her nose with my index finger, and she cackles with laughter. The sound warms my soul. I help her out of her jacket and put it back on the correct way as Delaney joins us.
