They thought I was a monster.
"I'd sever all ties with me, Gideon. You don't want to be punished alongside me."
"You really think that's going to work on me?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Right now? No. But I'm going to take time to reassure you. I'll stand by your side and help in any way that I can. You don't have to go through any of this alone," he promised.
I swallowed hard. There was no trace of malice in his eyes.
He believed every word he was saying. And he wanted me to trust him.
Against my better judgement, I nodded. Perhaps I shouldn't have told him about this to begin with, but it was too late for that.
For better or for worse, Gideon was now by my side. I should make the most of it.
Chapter 7
A half-smile graced my face as I walked around and made small talk with the nobles around us. They were doing a remarkable job of hiding their distaste for me, I could do with some acting lessons from them.
"Your Majesty, that is a beautiful dress you have on tonight," Lady Sheila gushed.
"Thank you. It was a gift from one of the local tailors. I'm very partial to it, though I do think the corset could be a little tighter." I smirked dramatically, wanting to put ideas in her head for when rumours went around about Lucia. There was already a corset maker on his way to her. She'd almost die from it being too tight, but would be saved at the last moment.
Devious, and completely Gideon's idea. While I wasn't sure I wanted to blacken his soul by bringing him into this, I had to admit that it was nice to have someone else to help me come up with the ideas.
"You'd be out of breath if your corset was any tighter, Your Majesty," Lady Gayle gasped.
I raised an eyebrow. It was highly inappropriate to comment on the size of a lady's waist. She was a bold one. "Perhaps I should have you laced into a special corset, Lady Gayle, then I might consider you an expert on the subject." A threat laced every word, and I hated it. But I couldn't be seen as soft, even for a moment. Strength was the only way I was going to be able to get through this.
Lady Gayle blanched, catching on to my suggestion of torture. I'd never seen the device I'd described used, and didn't know whether or not we even had one. I hoped not, but having heard rumours of it, I was willing to bet other people had too.
Trumpets sounded, intruding on the conversation we were having.
Choosing to seize the moment I'd been handed, I turned on my heels and stalked off, going to give my regards to whoever had just entered the room. I wasn't sure who it even was, but I'd take my chances.
"Prince Jonathan," a herald announced.
I breathed out slowly, that was good. I could pretend with him. He'd understand the words I was using and the way I was acting, and he wouldn't judge me for my coldness.
"My Queen." Gideon bowed deeply, acting the role of the foolish prince he'd taken the place of. "Your beauty grows stronger with every moment that passes." His words were a lot louder than I expected, and he was turning heads. I supposed that was part of his plan. He wanted them to think I was desirable. More, that he thought I was desirable.
"Wasn't that the prince who came for Lucia?" someone whispered.
Good. That meant it was working.
"Your handsomeness doesn't seem to suffer from the same problem," I replied haughtily.
Gideon covered up the amusement in his eyes so quickly that I doubted anyone else would have noticed it. "You wound me, Your Majesty. I have never faced such a cruel foe."
"And nor shall you if you continue to spend your time at parties and complimenting ladies."
The whisperers only increased in number around us, but I chose to ignore them. It was more important that they believed what was happening between the prince and me than that they believed in my cruelty. I'd remind them of that later. Though I didn't relish that task, it would be one I saw through to the end.
"So you admit that I gave you a compliment?" The twinkle in his eye made me wonder if he was talking to the queen I was pretending to be, or the girl he knew was hidden not far underneath.
"Perhaps." I smirked and lifted my chin, a move Lucia's mother had taught us when we were young girls. "Why don't you join me at the head of my table." I gestured towards the seat Killian would have used. The idea of filling it sat uneasily within me, but at least it was Gideon who would use it. He would respect the memory of my dead husband, even if he knew I didn't love the man.
"I would be honoured, Your Majesty." He dipped his head once more, before straightening and holding out his arm to me.
I took it, and let him lead me to the head of the room. "How do they look?" I whispered.
"Confused, though I see a hint of disgust in some of their eyes. They're not happy that you're flirting while Lucia is banished from the castle."
"I don't expect them to be. I'm not exactly jumping for joy about it myself," I muttered.
"But you play the part so beautifully."
"Because I don't want to."
"I don't doubt that," he responded. "Please don't think I believe a second of the front you're putting up. I've known you long enough to know the real you."
"Thank you." I placed my hand on top of his. Not because of any ruse this time, but because I wanted to make sure he knew how sincere I was being. "It's nice to have a friend."
"There are more people than just me you could rely on, you know," he suggested.
I shook my head. "No one else can know. even you knowing the secret is dangerous. The more people know about a secret, the more chances there are for something to let slip. I'm not ready to take that risk."
"I know. I just hate to think of you so alone."
"I'm not anymore."
Our conversation was cut off by our arrival at the top of the table. The rest of our meal would be spent pretending to be a queen and a prince, with no nods to our real selves.
I wasn't sure whether it was easier or harder now that Gideon knew the truth. I didn't have to go through my role on my own anymore, but I also had a reminder of who I was, which just made the bad things even more unbearable.
A meal was placed in front of me, but I barely touched it. My comments about the corsets and the torture playing on my mind. I wasn't used to this many people being around any longer, and I'd become unaccustomed to it.
Chapter 8
"You barely ate anything," Gideon chided, setting down a plate of bread and cheese on my desk.
"I wasn't hungry." I didn't look up from the papers I was working on. My stomach rumbled as if calling me out on my lie.
"You must be. Eat, please. It's not healthy to starve yourself, Katya."
I sighed loudly. He wasn't going to let me get away with not eating. I looked up to find he'd settled himself down on the chair opposite me, his legs dangling over it.
"You have to tell me, though. Why is Riki not here?" he asked.
"She doesn't like my mirror," I mumbled, reaching forward and picking up a piece of bread he'd brought. It was slathered in rich butter. Nothing too complex, which was a good thing. It might help settle my stomach again, and that was a good thing.
"Why ever not? It's just a mirror, isn't it?"
I stayed silent. There was nothing I could say that would sound good. I also didn't want to lie about anything else to him. He doesn't deserve that. But he also didn't need to know about the magic the mirror contained.
"She doesn't like it," I said.
"Hmm. More magic?"
"I don't use what I don't have to," I admitted softly.
"I know, Katya. You have to trust me on that."
"Magic isn't a good thing," I whispered. "I hate the way it feels when I use it."
"Even things like the song you played the other night?" he asked.
I frowned. That hadn't felt too bad, but I hadn't considered it too much. "No, that didn't feel wrong."
"So bad magic feels bad?"
I chuckled. "It sounds so obvious, doesn't it? But it's not something I've
ever thought about before."
"I suppose you've never had a reason to before."
"You're starting to be annoyingly perspective." I smiled to soften the insult.
"Starting? You wound me, Katya. I've been like this my entire life, I'm just glad that someone has finally noticed." Gideon clutched his hands over his heart with the most dramatic flair he could muster.
"Is there a reason you came here?" I asked, pulling the next stack of reports towards me.
"Yes. I came to make sure you ate." He pointed at the plate in front of me. "That wasn't a joke."
"Oh." An odd feeling came over me. Was this being taken care of? Killian had never done anything like this, but that was probably because he thought of me as nothing more than Lucia's an annoying friend. Sure, he liked me enough to marry me, but he didn't love me. That was part of why we got married in the first place. It got a lot of people off his back.
"I promise, I don't have any ulterior motive in this," he said, earnestness shining through his tone. "You're my oldest friend, Katya. I don't want any harm to come to you."
"Thank you." I felt like his arms were wrapped around me, even though they weren't. Something strange happened inside me whenever I looked at him. I wasn't sure what it was or where it came from.
"I'll go feed Riki too. And keep her company. I can wait in your chambers for you and we can have another dancing lesson," he suggested hesitantly.
"You can't keep coming to my rooms at night," I countered. "People are going to start talking."
"Let them." He stood up suddenly and made his way around to my side of the desk. He placed his hands on my shoulders. I leaned back into him, enjoying the comfort he was bringing. "This whole situation is outside of your control. Take the chance to have some fun."
"Fun is a bit far."
"Enjoyment then. Comfort, perhaps? I don't think it matters. I just want you to feel something other than distaste for yourself."
"I appreciate that," I whispered.
"Then I'm going to keep coming to your chambers. We're going to talk, and laugh, and dance. You can take your joy in me."
"Why would you do that?" I twisted my neck so I could see him better. "Don't get me wrong, I believe you when you say you want to do all of this. What I don't understand is why?"
He shrugged. "Why does anyone do anything?"
"No. That's not an answer."
He sighed and stepped back. I wanted to reach out to him, pull his attention back in my direction. But I thought better of it after a moment.
Gideon stared into the fire. "You're not the only one who has been keeping secrets."
I frowned. "I don't understand."
He turned around, pain in his eyes. "I love you," he whispered.
"Oh." I sat back in my chair, trying to process what he was telling me. "You love me?"
"Yes. I have, for a long time."
"What? How? I don't understand."
"Which bit is tripping you up?" he asked, his smirk back, but I could tell it didn't reach his eyes. He was guarding himself, no doubt wanting me to say how I felt about him.
The truth was, I didn't know.
"I don't understand how anyone can love me," I whispered.
"That's because you're so used to trying to make everyone hate you," he pointed out, rushing over to me and kneeling at my feet. "But give me a chance to prove it."
"Prove that you love me? You don't need to do that. I believe you." I pressed a hand against his heart. "It's not you that's confusing me..."
"That's because you've convinced yourself you're a bad person," he said. "But I'm going to spend as long as I can prove you wrong. You're doing this for the right reasons. But I've taken it upon myself to remind you who you really are."
"When did you start?" I whispered.
He chuckled. "I think the first time I realised I had a crush on you was when we were twelve and Lucia fell from her horse. You spent the whole day in the stables grooming the others because you felt bad that you weren't our riding them."
I smiled, remembering the day. "You taught me how to properly take care of the tack."
"So, I did. I was only one of the stable hands now. How things have changed."
I laughed bitterly. "Yes, a hated queen and a ruthless huntsman."
"I can think of worse labels to have."
"That's the first time you realised you had a crush on me, but what about the moment you realised you loved me?" I wasn't sure why I needed to know the answer, but I was desperate to.
"You don't want to know."
I raised an eyebrow. "Then why did I ask?" The more cryptic he was being, the more I wanted to know the answer.
He sighed and stood up again. He rubbed a hand over his face, as if preparing to talk about something painful. "I'd been wondering it for a while, but the moment I knew for sure was when I saw you in your wedding dress and you said your vows with Killian. I've never felt so jealous in my life."
"That was the day you gave me Riki." I touched my lips, despite the fact he hadn't kissed them. Somehow, I felt that confession was almost more intimate than a kiss.
"I needed to know you were protected. Killian didn't seem to care." Guilt flashed across his face.
"It's not an unfair statement," I admitted. "My marriage with Killian was one of convenience for both of us. Lucia was a huge fan of the match, but neither of our hearts were in it."
"Then why did you go through with it? Were you that desperate to be queen?" His question could have been harsh, but instead, a gentleness lingered in his voice.
"I wasn't desperate to be anything. Killian needed me so he could carry on with his own affair and never get questioned on it, and I wanted to stay near Lucia. There was nothing more to it."
"Is it bad to say that I'm at least a little relieved to hear that?"
I smiled. "No. It makes sense." What I couldn't work out is where it left us. Did I tell him how I felt about him even though it would probably hurt him to hear it?
"I can tell what you're thinking," Gideon chided me. "But I don't expect you to say anything. It'll take time for you to know how you feel, I understand that better than most."
I bit my lip and nodded. "If you're sure..."
"I am." This time, the smile finally reached his eyes. "I've waited a long time to tell you how I feel. I can wait a little longer to hear it back."
I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Instead of failing my way through words, I picked up a piece of bread and began tearing it apart.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this harder for you. I'll leave you to it." He turned to leave, walking away so quickly that I didn't have a chance to ask him to stay.
Perhaps he was right, I did have something to look forward to other than the hatred of my people.
Chapter 9
"Your Majesty, you must go to safety," a maid said, rocking me back and forth.
My eyes fluttered open, the echo of sleep making them heavy. Riki growled from beside me. "What's going on?" I murmured sleepily.
"The palace is under attack, you need to get to safety."
"Attack? Who?" I sat up straight, now wide awake and ready to move. I shouldn't be as excited as I was about an attack. But hopefully, it meant that Lucia was finally making a move against me.
"I don't want to hide away. Fetch me a breastplate and a sword."
"Your Majesty, that's not the best idea."
"Do as I say," I snapped. "Bring them to me. I'll dress myself." I got out of bed and over to the wardrobe, finding a dress that I'd been saving for just this occasion. It was designed to move easily when I fought, and fit well with the breastplate the girl would be fetching for me. She'd disappeared after my outburst.
"Here, Your Majesty," she said, bustling back into the room and handing me them.
"You can go." I almost thanked her and told her to focus on getting other people to safety, but that wasn't part of who I should be.
Perhaps it wasn't the wisest idea of mine to arm myself as
if I was going to protect my people. They might start to think that I cared about them, and it wasn't the best thing to make them think that.
I strapped on the breastplate and the scabbard, feeling more secure in their tightness. It was oddly reassuring to have them on. Finally, I would be able to do something.
I ignored the serving girl who didn't seem to have had the sense to move out of the way during the whole ordeal. I shook my head. There was nothing I could do for her now.
With the sword in my hand and a purposeful stride, I walked out into the corridor. I spent a moment trying to work out where they'd breached the defences of the palace. But there was a more important question than that. What would Lucia come back here for? Whatever it was, I needed to make sure she got it. That would aid the rebellion in a way that nothing else could.
"Katya, what are you doing out here?" Gideon demanded as he approached.
"What are you? You're a foreign prince, you should be safe with the others."
He shook his head. "No matter who I'm playing, I won't stand by while you're in danger."
I wanted to tell him he was making a mistake, but having someone to watch my back would be a good thing. I wasn't ready to die. I still had things to do.
"What will Lucia be after?" I asked him, hoping he'd have some idea that hadn't crossed my mind yet.
"I'm not sure. Are there some crown jewels she might be after?" he asked.
"Yes, that's got to be it. Follow me." I reached out for his hand and tugged him in the direction of the treasury.
She'd need money and resources to pay for her rebellion, but I knew she wouldn't be there for that. Lucia would want her father's crown. And probably some of her mother's jewels too. She was sentimental like that.
And I needed to make sure she got them.
"Katya, this is dangerous, what are we doing?"
"Making sure that this goes to Lucia's plans. Just the same as what we're doing the rest of the time. We have to."
Kingdom of Villains and Vengeance: Fairytale retellings from the villain's perspective (Kingdom of Darkness and Light Book 2) Page 4
