by Danni Roan
The Williams’ home was fully furnished and would only be available for a few months, but it was a chance to reestablish themselves as a family while Ellery figured out what to do with himself.
“I thought she’d be happy,” he finally admitted once the children were all in their rooms. “What more could she want?” He turned troubled eyes to Ernie who returned his fear.
“Perhaps everything is moving too fast,” Ernie said. “Give it time; I’m sure she’ll adjust.” So far, Alyssa still wouldn’t even speak to her and though Ernie’s words were confident, her heart was not.
Ellery nodded. He was tired. He and his father had moved their meager belongings to the new home that morning, and he could only hope that as the family adjusted to their new surroundings, things would get better. Mark, instead of seeming excited about having his own room was quieter than ever, and Alyssa hadn’t spoken to him or Ernestine since his announcement. Why did everything seem to be unraveling? Just when he was able to face a new day everything shifted again, and he was lost, alone, and drifting in doubt and despair.
The sound of a door slamming down the hall, made him cringe and he looked up into Ernestine’s troubled eyes as she returned.
“She won’t talk to me,” the woman he had married only a day earlier spoke. “Give her time Ellery,” she added taking his wrist in a pleading gesture.
Ellery nodded once then turned heading out into the night. Perhaps fresh air would do him some good. If nothing else, it would allow him to escape the pressing feeling that threatened to overwhelm him. Once again, he didn’t know what to do.
A half hour later the silence of the new home felt like a shroud as Ellery found himself seated at a kitchen table drinking coffee with Ernie.
“I thought this was the answer,” he mused staring into the depths of his black coffee. “I thought the children would be happy to know that you were staying with them.”
“I think it is far more complicated than that,” Ernie’s voice was soft. She had put little Sophia to bed and now sat at the table considering the day’s events. “You need to give them time.”
“That seems to be the only thing I can give them,” Ellery growled. “Time and space. I’m no good to them, useless. Alice always knew what to do.”
Ernie looked up studying Ellery’s face. He was a handsome man, his dark beard now kept neat, and his trim appearance was appealing, but his self-doubt and darker mood was not.
“If Alice was so good at everything,” Ernie began, “why do you suppose she chose you as a husband if you aren’t any good as a father?”
Ellery looked up at the woman across from him and scowled. “What?” he couldn’t believe the audacity of the woman asking such a question.
“She obviously saw something in you that she believed made you a good husband and father. Perhaps she was organized, orderly, or whatever it is that made her so wonderful, but she is gone and your family needs you. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, but you have to find your way as well.”
“I don’t know how!” Ellery stood pacing the kitchen and running his hands through his hair. “Alice took care of the lessons, food, scraped knees. All I did was work.”
“And?” Ernie rose walking to the man meeting his eyes boldly as she placed her hands on his arms forcing him to look at her.
“And what?”
“And, you must have done something more.”
Ellery shook his head. He was tired, weary to his soul and wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and let the world disappear.
“Nothing,” the word was barely audible. “I’m going to bed.”
Ernie watched as her new husband turned and walked away leaving her alone in the kitchen. She had known this wasn’t going to be easy. The children were volatile, but Mr. Olson himself was only the shadow of the man he must have once been. She had to find a way to help them all. She had already pledged her life to each of the Olson’s. In one way or another, she would have to figure it out soon.
Moving back to the table Ernestine sat resting her head in her hands as she prayed. “God, you know my heart,” she sighed, her heart heavy in her breast. “I want to love them. I want to help them all, please give me wisdom. You said if any lack wisdom and ask for it you will give it to them. I’m trusting tonight that you will grant me the wisdom of healing. Amen.”
Taking both cups from the table and washing them she hung her apron on a hook and turned to follow Ellery to their room. One way or another the children were going to accept this marriage as real even if it weren’t, and she knew that sharing a room was one-step in the right direction.
“What are you doing here?” Ellery asked as she stepped into the largest bedroom. “I thought you’d want a room of your own.” He was still fully dressed and laying on top of the covers, his face gray and haggard with grief.
“We need to show a united front,” Ernie spoke wondering where the words were coming from. “The children need to see us together, to believe that we are united in this marriage. I can sleep on the floor if you like, but we will be sharing a room. The children will adapt, but if we don’t stick together, the battle is already lost.”
Ellery pushed himself up on his elbows peering at the woman through the darkness. Something in her words made sense as it trickled into his hazy mind. He wanted his children to have stability, confidence, hope, even if he had none himself.
“You can have the bed,” he said swinging his legs over the side. “I’ll take the floor.”
Ernie licked her lips nervously then shook her head. “We are both adults. I believe we can share. If you’ll turn your back while I change.”
Ellery stood looking at her for a long moment then nodded turning his back to his new bride. He was too tired to fight.
Chapter 21
“Where’s Pa?” Mark asked the next morning as Ernie placed breakfast on the table.
“He went to help your grandfather collect guests from the depot,” Ernie smiled. “Why don’t you sit down and eat your breakfast, then I’ll walk you all to school.”
Mark took a seat waiting politely until Georgie and Alyssa had arrived. He didn’t know what to think about this new situation, though it had been nice to sleep without Georgie’s constant singing last night.
Alyssa had told him that she wouldn’t speak to either Ernie or their father because they had gone behind her back and gotten married, but it didn’t seem to make much difference to Mark. At least Ernie was there with them if Pa disappeared again.
“Good morning Alyssa,” Ernie tried as the girl came into the kitchen and plopped into a chair gathering pancakes onto her plate and starting her meal.
Mark looked between his older sister and the woman who had come to care for them. He loved his grandmother and grandfather, but it was nice knowing that Ernie was just for them. She had been hired to care for him and his siblings, even when his own father wouldn’t. “Aren’t you going to say good morning?” he asked looking at Alyssa.
“No,” the girl stated forming the word carefully.
“But she made pancakes.”
“I don’t care,” Alyssa said cutting her pancakes and starting on her meal. “Hurry up, we’ll be late for school.”
Ernie watched the children, listening to Mark and Alyssa as she helped Georgie and Sophia with their meals. She could see how angry Alyssa was, but she was also determined not to give in. Perhaps the child wasn’t happy with the situation, but it was the best for everyone involved whether they liked it or not.
“As soon as you’re ready, I’ll walk you all to school,” Ernie looked around the table smiling at the children before grabbing a cloth and wiping Georgie’s sticky hands and face before sending him to fetch his books and homework.
Life certainly had gotten complicated fast, she noted as the children gathered their things, and they started off to school.
Even sleeping arrangements were complex in this strange family dynamic. The night before she had been startled when Ellery had simply p
ulled a blanket over himself still dressed in the clothes he had worn that day. She felt like she had barely slept a wink all night, suddenly keenly aware of the man lying next to her in the big bed.
Everything was upside down, backwards, and inside out. She had developed such a wonderful relationship with Alyssa previously. They had worked well together on homework or other projects and the rift between them now seemed a gulf that was unmoving and impassible.
Even Mark looked confused and wary as he trudged toward school. Ernie could see that he was torn between affection for her and loyalty to his sister. Still something deep inside insisted that she had done the right thing, and she clung to that thought as she carried little Sophia through town toward the schoolhouse.
Bidding the children good day, Ernie determined that she would send Ellery to fetch the children that afternoon. Perhaps if they established a few routines now, the adjustment period would go more smoothly.
“I’ll send your father to pick you up this afternoon,” she said as they approached the school. “Have a wonderful day children.”
Alyssa hastened her steps hurrying off to join her friends and ignoring Ernie completely.
Ernie watched the children leave with a heavy heart. She only wanted to love them, to care for them, and know they were happy. Unfortunately, it seemed that her actions had made everyone miserable instead. Perhaps she had been wrong. No, she wouldn’t even entertain that thought. She had come here for them, and she would do her best.
No parent was ever perfect. They all made mistakes, but she believed that if she loved these children enough, if she stood her ground and made them understand that even in the darkest times they could be there for each other, she was sure in the end it would be worth the pain in her heart today.
As the last child entered the schoolhouse Ernie turned back toward the pretty house along the main street smiling as baby Sophia snuggled close offering her a sweet smile.
***
Ernie spent the day organizing the house and creating a schedule for each child. At Polly and George’s they had each had chores and she believed that should continue.
By the time the children returned home that evening with their father, everything was in order, and she would start her plan.
Supper was simple and hearty, as Ernie was only an adequate cook but the children and Ellery ate without complaint.
“Mark, I’ll need you to bring wood from the wood pile for me,” Ernie said as they finished their meal. “Georgie you can stack the kindling and Alyssa you will help with the dishes.” She smiled at each child, but kept her voice firm letting them know she expected everything to get done.
“No,” Alyssa said standing and stepping away from the kitchen.
“Alyssa, I do insist that you help with the washing up. You had chores at your grandmother’s and it is my wish you continue with them.”
“No,” Alyssa turned glaring at Ernie, as her father’s eyes grew wide.
“Alyssa, Ernestine has asked you to do your work, and I think you should.”
“And what gives you the right to tell me what to do,” the girl spat. “She’s not my mother and she can’t make me. I don’t have to listen to you, you haven’t cared about me since we got here!” she shouted turning angry eyes on Ernestine. “I don’t have to listen to either of you!”
“That’s enough!” Ellery stood throwing his napkin on the table. “You’ll do as your told Alyssa and that’s final.”
“Why, because you found another woman to look after us so you don’t have to? She’s not my Ma, and she never will be!” she finished racing from the room in a flood of tears.
“Are we supposed to call you Ma?” Mark looked at Ernie his green eyes wide with doubt and worry.
Ernie sagged in her chair but shook her head. “No Mark,” she said soothingly. “I’m not trying to take your Ma’s place. I know how much you all loved her. I’m just here for you. I’ll look after you and love you with all my heart, but I’m still just Ernie, that will never change.”
Mark looked at his father uncertainty on his face. “I’m glad you’re here Ernie,” the boy said standing and taking Georgie’s hand. “Come on Georgie, let’s get the wood.”
“I’ll get Alyssa,” Ellery said moving away from the table as the boys slipped out the door. “She has to mind you.”
“No, I’ll go,” Ernie looked at him a deep sorrow in her eyes. “I won’t give in,” she offered moving toward the hall. “Alyssa will have to get through this, we all will.”
Ellery watched the woman he had married walk down the hall and could feel the sadness radiating from her. Still, he could sense her determination, as once more he felt useless in his own family. Would this ever get better? Would Alyssa come to accept Ernie as a friend? He could feel the woman’s pain, and his heart softened at the kinship it created. Shared sorrow often brought people close. Only time could work out the rest of these issues. Turning from the table, he headed out the back door to help his sons, hoping that somehow Ernestine could break through to his oldest child.
Chapter 22
“Alyssa,” Ernie tapped on the girl’s door.
“Go away,” Alyssa called through the door.
“I can’t do that,” Ernie replied pushing the door open and stepping into the pretty room that must have belonged to Janine at one time. “I know you’re angry Alyssa, but that doesn’t give you the right to strike out at those around you.”
“What do you know about it?” Alyssa pushed herself up from the bed glaring at Ernie. “You’re just the hired help, just some woman who used my father’s weakness to get a home of her own.”
Ernie felt her heart being pierced by the girl’s words, but forced down any reaction. “Is that truly what you think? Do you believe I’m the kind of woman who would take advantage of a man in your father’s condition?” She shook her head saddened by the accusation, but understanding it came from anger, fear, and loss.
“That’s what you did isn’t it?” Alyssa shot back. “I know Pa will never love anyone other than my mother. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about anything. He’s just looking for a way to be rid of all of us.”
“That isn’t true Alyssa,” Ernie spoke, choosing her words carefully. “You’re old enough to see things, to understand things, but that doesn’t mean your father doesn’t love you.”
“Then why did he marry you? Why did he move us here where he’ll probably disappear and never see us again?”
Ernie reached out a hand brushing Alyssa’s golden locks from her shoulder. “Because he’s afraid,” she finally replied. “Your father has lost what he believes is the best part of him and is struggling but he’s trying. I won’t lie to you child, I know he doesn’t love me, but I love him in that he is a child of God and needs me. Beyond that, I love each of you children. I’ve lost so many people in my life, and all I want is a chance to love and care for you. Can’t you let me? Can’t you give me that chance? Nothing else has changed. I’m not trying to take your mother’s place, no one ever could, but I do love you, and I want you to find some of that joy you had again.”
Alyssa studied Ernie for several moments but still didn’t reply.
“How about this?” Ernie finally spoke. “We’ll agree to get along. You don’t have to like this situation, but for now, it is the best you’re going to get. I’m in charge here and you must obey me if nothing else to help ensure that your two brothers and little sister grow up strong and able to care for themselves. You’re a good big sister; don’t you want that for them?”
Alyssa nodded still angry and confused over the whole situation. “Then we’ll get on as best we can,” Ernie offered. “You’ll do chores and keep up with your school work. If you want my help you can tell me, otherwise I’ll leave you to do as you please, but for your families sake help me help them.”
Alyssa stood from the bed studying Ernie’s face as her feet hit the floor, but she didn’t say anything. Instead she headed for the door trudging to
the kitchen where she started clearing the table and filling the sink. The house was very modern with new and updated plumbing that would make everyone’s life much easier as they tried to build something out of nothing in this borrowed house.
Ellery watched his daughter helping Ernestine with the dishes and suppressed a sigh of relief. Perhaps the girl was going to accept this situation after all and life would settle down. He felt sorry for the woman he had wed only days ago, and how he knew her heart must ache at the words his child had flung at her. To make it worse, they were all too true. He didn’t love her, never would, but she had known that from the start, so why did it make him feel so sad?
Carefully he loaded the firewood in the wood box as Georgie joined him stacking the kindling on one side of the stove, his little hands fumbling the pieces now and then. Reaching over Ellery lifted a piece of wood showing the boy how to stack it, his heart picking up a beat as Georgie smiled at him in delight.
***
“I’m glad to see you and Alyssa worked things out,” Ellery said as they prepared for bed that night. It was awkward turning his back while she changed behind a screen on one side of the room.
“We came to an agreement,” Ernie replied. “She is still angry and upset, but she has agreed to obey me for the sake of Mark, Georgie, and Sophia.”
Ellery scowled wondering what she meant. Had she threatened his daughter in some way?
“I don’t understand,” he said as Ernestine made her way to the bed and slipped under the covers.
“She agreed that we both want what is best for her siblings,” Ernie said feeling some of the burden and pain lift from her heart simply by talking about it. “I told her that I only want to care for them, and if she fights me, they will too, and that isn’t good for them.”
Ellery nodded understanding. “You really love them don’t you?” he asked turning and looking down at her from where he sat on his side of the bed.
“I do,” Ernie’s voice was full of emotion, and she bit her lip to hold back the tears. “I knew what I was getting into Ellery,” she continued using his name for what seemed the first time. “I told you I’ll be here for them no matter what, and I meant it.”
