The following day I returned with a leaden heart to the dim confines of the kitchen.
XI
One morning at the beginning of summer, while I was still working in the kitchens, I woke with the clammy feeling of apprehension that usually preceded some sort of premonition. My immediate fear was that Madam Vega had returned and that I would have to see the Master of Ob-ernewtyn. The feeling passed and so did my fear, though an uneasiness persisted.
I was too bored and weary of the never-ending toil to dwell on anything for long. My only concern was that if ever I got out of the kitchen, I might not remember how to pay attention to the world around me. I had become so used to switching off.
My hands were cracked and red from the hot water and constant scrubbing. My hair was greasy and lank from the heat and cooking oil and I was pale and spotty from lack of fresh air. The silent war between Lila and myself had reached new heights that morning when she had ingeniously managed to spill hot grease down my leg. My shout of pain brought her a whack from Andra, but she grinned at me, knowing I had come off worse in that round. Biting my lip, I cast around for some method of revenge.
In the midst of these warlike cogitations, there was a loud crash somewhere near. We all looked up, wondering what it was. Another thunderous crash sounded and the kitchen vibrated. Lila screamed in fright and I was pleased to observe her mother slap her. The cook turned to me, her expression irritated rather than frightened or puzzled.
" 'Tis that damn roof. I told them th' posts were rotten from damp." She waved her hand at the kitchen courtyard and I was fervently glad that I had not been out there when it collapsed. "Ye better find Ariel. Or better still, look for Matthew. I think he's up in th' house today."
I nodded and hastened away.
For once, the halls were completely deserted. I had not been in them in the middle of the day before and wondered if they were always so astonishingly quiet then, I searched and in the end even called out, but no one answered. I had the odd feeling the whole place was empty. Then I heard something approaching. It was Sel-mar and she stopped dead when she saw me. I had not even opened my mouth to speak before she fell back and cringed against the wall. Astonished, I could only stare.
"What is it? Are you hurt?" I asked gently. There was something in that ravaged face that demanded pity.
"Don't hurt me," she said. "I don't know nothing."
She had not slept in her bed the night before or the one before that.
"Of course I won't hurt you," I said, holding my hand out to help her up. She shrank away, as if I held pure whitestick. "What has happened? Are you sick?"
Her eyes stared into mine and she would not speak, Her pupils were pinpoint small and the white showed all around them. It occurred to me she might have taken too much of the freely available sleep potion. But why was she so afraid? I looked around nervously, hoping no one would catch me with her. I did not even dare read her since the last attempt. She was crying now and I touched her hand.
"If you are sick I'll get someone, perhaps Ariel..."
She uttered a thin scream and clawed against the wall as if she were trying to be absorbed by it. Startled, I wondered if Ariel had hurt her. That would explain her reaction to his name.
"Please, I don't know where it is. I swear," she moaned. I stood up and looked down at her helplessly, for truly she seemed beyond any sort of help. I heard footsteps and looked up in fright.
Unexpectedly, it was Rushton, the overseer I had seen on my trip to the farms. He looked less surprised to see me and his eyes fell to the huddled form of Selmar. Quickly, he knelt beside her speaking to her softly and very gently. She crawled into his arms.
"Oh, Selmar," he whispered tiredly. Then he tenderly helped her to her feet. She was still weeping,, but the ragged terror that had so unnerved me before was no longer there.
He looked up at last with accusation in his eyes and I drew myself up indignantly. "I did nothing to her. She was like this when I found her," I said coldly. "What are you doing alone in the halls?" he asked. I frowned and wished I understood more about the power structure at Obernewtyn. Twice now I had been questioned by people who seemed to have no right but behaved as though they did. Rushton was even more arrogant than Ariel. But I was too afraid not to answer. I told him about the courtyard roof. As he listened, his hand stroked Selmar's bent head softly and it was hard to reconcile the cold disbelieving look on his face with that hand.
I stammered to a halt, aware my muttered tale sounded unlikely. "You had better find Matthew then. Go back that way and you will find yourself in the right section. And see you don't wander about like this again. This part of the house is forbidden," he said.
I dutifully went where he had directed. What a nasty, haughty character he was. Not at all the sort of person I had thought Enoch's friend would be. He hadn't liked me, that was clear. I sighed, thinking I would not now ask if I might work with animals on the farm.
I heard voices and followed them, to find a group of Misfits whitewashing a stone wall. To my surprise, they were being directed by the thin, sharp-eyed boy who had stared so hard at me during the farm visit. I saw recognition flare in the boy's eyes. Going up to him, I asked for Matthew and he said that was him.
I told him about the damage to the kitchen courtyard and he agreed to come after giving orders to the others to continue until he returned. Like Enoch's voice, Matthew's had an attractive lilting accent. As we walked back to the kitchen, I noticed again the pronounced limp "that I had seen on our tour of the farms. In the manner of orphans and Misfits generally, we made no casual conversation. I felt the boy glance at me but refused to return his look, uneasy at this apparent interest in me. I was determined to avoid all of the struggles and stresses of life at Obernewtyn in the same way I had kept to myself at Kinraide. It was much lonelier here, but it was safer.
After makeshift repairs to me courtyard had been effected, and the fallen timber cleared away, the cook told me I would be working on the farms the next day. Ecstatic and full of excitement, I could not keep my happiness from her. But she was in a good mood and only smiled.
" 'Tis hard work there too, mind. But see ye dinna get on th' wrong side of anybody an' ye'll be set," she said kindly, obliquely referring to Ariel's dislike of me. I vowed to myself that I would, but I gloomily remembered the look on the farm overseer's face.
Once in bed, I couldn't sleep. Selmar came in quite late but there was no sign of the hysterical terror of the afternoon.
It had been a strange, unsettling day. First there had been the roof collapsing and the burn on my leg, then the queer incident with Rushton and Selmar.
I shook my head and hoped fervently my time on the farms would be less mysterious and confusing. But then I reflected that nothing could be as bad as the kitchens.
Nothing.
XII
The next day I had my first glimpse of a Guanette bird. It was a surprising start to a surprising day.
I had been standing quite alone, in the courtyard outside the maze waiting for Ariel to return, when the bird flew straight up from behind the wall into the silver-streaked, dawn-gray sky.
Uttering a long, lonely call, it flew in a graceful arc toward the northwest. I recognized the bird, though I had never seen a picture of one, by its massive wingspan and the brilliant red of its underbelly. As it crossed the line where the far mountains touched the sky, the sun rose in fiery splendor as if to welcome it. It crossed the face of .the sun, shimmered and seemed to dissolve.
"Fair mazer it is," said a familiar voice behind me. I turned to face the boy I now knew as Matthew. He was not looking at me, for once, and his face was touched with the pink dawn light as he watched the sun rise. Behind him was an older boy with a tall, angular body, a rather big nose, and a million freckles-struggling to cover his face. His eyes were fixed on me with peculiar intensity, and though I sought to hold his gaze, my own eyes dropped first. Catching my discomfort, the younger boy grinned.
"Can'
t ye feel how uncomfortable she is?" he asked his companion. He turned to me. "Dinna worry about Da-meon gawkin' at ye. He's as blind as a bat," he told me cheerfully. Horribly embarrassed, I was shamed to think of the icy look I had given him and was thankful he could not see me.
He grinned apologetically. "I'm Dameon. I'm sorry if I seemed to stare," Re said disarmingly and held his hand out. Startled, I took his hand and wondered at his elegant manner.
"An' I'm Matthew, as ye know," said Matthew. "An' you're Elspeth." I did not know what to say. I didn't want to get involved but Dameon's blindness had confused me.
"What were you both admiring?" Dameon asked.
Matthew answered. "We saw a Guanette bird an' ye know how rare those are. It came from near th' maze. Queer to see one here though. They dinna usually come down from the high country. Ye know, they say it was one of th' few creatures to survive the Great White."
I was thinking about what I had heard of Matthew since I last saw him. He came from the Highlands not too far from Guanette, and his village had denounced him as a Misfit not long after his mother died. He had lived alone in her shack poaching and fishing and generally living close to the bone, and developed a reputation of being odd. A group of village boys constantly tormented him. Finally several of the ringleaders in the gang came to harm. One fell from a roof and another ate poisoned fish. The village called in the Council and claimed Matthew was dangerous. No one could explain how Matthew, with his lame foot, had hurt the boys, but somehow the Council had been convinced and he was declared Misfit.
The other courtyard door opened and a group of other Misfits arrived, most of those who had come on the earlier tour. Ariel came last, with Cameo in tow. He unlocked the maze door, then relocked it when we had gone through. I moved to follow Cameo, but Matthew restrained me and others went past, looking at us curiously. Furious, I shook his hand off and followed them. He came directly behind with the blind boy and I could feel his eyes boring into my back. I wished then that I had completely ignored him to begin with.
We walked in silence for a bit, then Cameo began to chatter to Ariel. With her masking prattle, the twins, who were also in front, began to talk in low, intense voices. Curiosity made me send out a probe. They were planning some sort of escape so I withdrew smartly. I didn't even want to think of escapes, planned or otherwise. I noticed Matthew had hurried his pace and was now almost abreast of me.
I gave him a cross look. "We are supposed to go single file," I said, determined to snub him until he left me alone.
"I know about you," said a voice in my thoughts. Shocked, I tried to stay calm, but my dismay had been obvious.
Matthew put his hand on my arm again. "I thought so," he said in a low voice. I could only stare and halfheartedly pretend not to know what he meant. But there was no mistake. He had read my mind! "I heard you 'listening' to the twins. But I suspected ye before that." He was positively delighted.
I could only feel numb. I had never really thought there would be anybody else like me. "I... I don't understand," I said doggedly, trying to make my mind take it in so that I could work out what to do.
The boy smiled again in an impish, knowing way. "Before I come here, I thought I was alone. I suppose you did too. I expect it's a shock. I knew someone else was about. Me mam was th' same but I thought there was only us. So I knew what it was when I felt ye. I started to keep a watch to try and figure out who it was. It came to you in the end, Elf," he added. I shivered at the added proof of Jes's nickname for me. That knowledge could only have come from my own mind.
"I tried to reach ye but ye had a powerful shield. I knew if I couldn't get in, ye must be stronger than me. So I bided my time, I knew sooner or later, ye'd show yerself. An' I was pretty certain ye wouldn't be all that careful because ye'd think there was no one else like ye. An' in the end, I sensed ye send a probe out to th' twins, and I was even able to read some of th' thoughts on th' outside of yer mind," he added smugly. I heard his added reflection that I was a lot stronger than I realized.
"I know how strong I am," I said. There was no point in pretending. He might be weaker than me, but he knew. It was too late to be cautious and probably impossible. But could he be trusted? I reached into his mind some little way. Before I could learn what I wanted to know, Matthew's eyes narrowed and I sensed a slight withdrawal in him.
"There now. Ye've just deep probed me. Now I couldn't do that to you. Not only do ye have th' ability to farseek, ye can do that too." He looked suddenly pensive. "Now that I think of it, I can almost understand why those idiots from the village were afraid of me. 'Tis a queer thing to know yer thoughts are on show. Dameon here has some power too, but I can't quite make out what it is. It's nothing like us. It's something to do with being able to feel what people are feeling." Matthew shrugged as if he did not think it a very useful ability.
My mind was reeling with the things he had said. In one moment he had changed my life. Not only were there others like me, but there were people who had different sorts of abilities. Surely that would mean we were not isolated Misfits. I realized I had been rude to dip into his mind. It was different when they did not know. I would have to be more considerate. I knew then that I had decided to trust the boy and his blind companion. In one sense I had no choice, but my sudden desire not to invade the thoughts of another person was new, and told me that I had accepted something I had previously thought impossible. I was no longer alone.
"We'll manage canny between us," Matthew was saying, still in that barely audible voice. "I'd be pleased though if ye'd show me how to shield so well," he added humbly. I looked into his funny boyish face and bright eyes and it was as,if some wall in me crumbled.
I smiled and it felt like I had taken off a layer of skin. "I will teach you," was all I said, but he beamed, seeming to understand the momentousness of sharing for the first time. Just then he reminded me of Jes and I wished Jes could know what I had discovered.
"And Dameon friend?" Matthew asked anxiously, breaking into thought speech.
I turned slightly to watch Dameon's graceful progress and sent out a gentle probe. He flinched and stumbled and I withdrew hurriedly.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, but he shook his head.
"I was just surprised. It's different from Matthew," he said, and he smiled. "I can feel your curiosity." He laughed. "It's almost as bad as his. I call my own ability empathy."
"He does that all th' time," Matthew reassured me. "He picks up th' weirdest things. No words though, an' he's deaf as a doorpost to other things."
"Quiet back there!" Ariel shouted, effectively silencing the entire group. I hoped Matthew would be careful and to my relief he said nothing more and dropped back. He sent a silent promise that we would meet again soon, when it was safe.
I made a mental note to ask him about Selmar. The incident in the hall nagged at me. I thought about what had just happened and the ease with which I had broken a dozen of my own rules. I hardly knew Matthew or Dameon, and already I was treating them as trusted friends. And, I saw that if there were three of us, then there would surely be more. I wished we were somewhere so that we could talk at length. If only we were free. All at once the walls of Obernewtyn were too close. If I could just get away,- perhaps Matthew...
I stopped myself ruthlessly. I knew nothing about him, and even less about Dameon. Even if I could trust them, escape was another thing entirely. Unbidden, I remembered Daffyd, the boy I had met in Sutrium. He had said the Druid lived and I might find a refuge with him. I shook my head resolutely. It was all happening too fast. Busy with my thoughts, I cannoned into the person in front of me. We had reached the end of the maze. It had seemed a remarkably long trip.
Ariel let us all out and told us to wait by the gate until Rushton came to collect us. Matthew and Dameon made no move to join me so I took their cue and stared vacantly around me. The sun had risen quite high now and though the grass was still dew-soaked and the shadows long, the air smelled delicious with the mingled farm sm
ells.
As the tall figure of Rushton detached itself from the shadows around the sheds, I determined to give him.no reason to remember me, I caught Matthew's sober expression and felt an unaccountable desire to make a face. I was amazed at the warmth of my feelings, but as the farm overseer approached, I felt a moment of apprehension. There was a strange aura of power about him. I was reminded of something Maruman had once said about wild animals—that even the most gentle was not quite safe. That was how Rushton was—as if one might run a great risk in simply knowing him. Yet when he came among us and began assigning tasks, his apparent boredom reassured me.
Some of us followed him over to the buildings. He stopped again, pointed out a large building that he called the drying shed, and sent a group to wait for him there. Dameon and Matthew were among them. Cameo and two others were sent across to the orchards and only two of us remained. The other girl was sent to feed the pigs. She went with a wry grin. I, Rushton said, was to clean out the stables.
I stood while he told the other girl what to feed the pigs and where it was. I did not like his bold green eyes, nor the expressionless looks he gave me. The girl mixed up his instructions when he asked her to repeat them and impatiently he told me to wait and went away with her.
A large dog came in when they left. He fixed me briefly in his eyes before turning away to settle in a pile of hay.
I looked into his eyes. "Greetings," I thought.
He looked around before deciding I was the only one there. "Did you speak, funaga?" he asked with mild surprise.
I nodded, projecting assurance and friendship. "I am Elspeth," I said.
"I am called Sharna here," he said. "What manner of funaga are you?"
"I am a funaga like other funagas," I replied formally. "But now that I look at you, you do not seem to be an ordinary dog." In fact, I wondered if he might be a wild dog. He was very shaggy.
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