by Ka Newborrn
Where could the Mylings be?
Her hips were numb from the unsupportive cushions, and she had stayed longer than planned. She took another sip of tea and reached over to place the glass on the end table. A dusty caddy filled with plastic coasters was resting on top of a coffee table book. She picked up the caddy and glanced down at the book title: Storyville Portraits by E.J. Bellocq.
She set the caddy back down and continued to watch her screen persona.
“We all play the hand we’re dealt in life, Clyde.”
She balanced the glass of violet tea between her knees and picked up a dusty coaster by its edges with her fingertips.
Don’t they believe in clocks?
She used the torn hem of her skirt to wipe off the dust. The Queen of Clubs emerged, looking elegant and composed.
“Not fair, Lilith! The Joker isn’t a real card. Don’t I get to pick again?”
Something isn’t right.
She stared at the Queen in her hand for a while before slipping the coaster into her pocket. Slowly, she turned to face the screen again. Her onstage eyes narrowed into a provocative twinkle.
“Are you real, Clyde? Do you even know? What if you’re a phantom? I have the entire universe in the palm of my hand. You said it yourself, remember?”
Stagnancy fused the atmosphere of the Myling family room like a fireplace bellows painted on a backdrop. The couch fabric was uncomfortably warm and sticky against her legs. She tried to stand up, but the cushions would not support that decision. All she could do was stare at the television and watch as the story unfolded.
Grogginess crept up in waves. Onscreen, the pixels wavered unctuously and distorted the image. She stared at the remaining bit of violet liquid in the bottom of the glass.
Lumen’s Butterfly Pea Flower Tea.
Onscreen Lilith raised her fancy glass to the camera and puckered her glossy lips. Visibly disturbed by her words, Clyde squared his face to the camera and bared his veneers to conceal his rage. He squeezed his fists so tightly that the knuckles turned white. His hands grew translucent and vanished, then reappeared a few seconds later as if the moment had never happened.
That never happened. I was sitting right there!
The couch tightened possessively as her body melded deeper into the cushions. She forgot about the glass of violet tea in her hands and clenched her fist in terror. The glass folded into pieces under her grasp. A trickle of blood trickled leaked from her palm and seeped through the bodice of her dress.
Beneath the lights, Clyde’s anger percolated. It rose up slowly through his translucent hands and into his arms, then spread like lava through his neck to the top of his head. As it reached the boiling point, pulsating dots of ooze illuminated his stitches. Amber oracles, free of hemoglobin or cells. Resinous amber, teeming with insects. Sand flies poked in and out of the tiny incisions like Morse code and crawled down the sides of his neck. Translucent larvae wriggled out of his eyes, ears and mouth. Then it all ceased abruptly, as if the moment had never happened.
What the fuck was in that drink?
Onscreen, Clyde and Lilith seemed frozen in time. His face was squared to the camera with veneers bared. Her twinkling eyes were narrowed in provocation. They held their positions and turned to face each other. The barbed silence lingered uncomfortably for a few seconds more before it was broken by a scene-stealing outburst of dueling laughter.
“She has the entire universe in the palm of her hand, folks! And she’s leaving Hjulder behind. So tell us, Lilith. Where on Earth are you going next?”
She found the momentum to wrench herself up from the couch and into a standing position, but the torn hem of her skirt betrayed her. It weaved itself through the wooden lattice frame and bound her ankles together. She jerked backwards into the low-sinking cushions. Her head rolled from side as she rocked against the couch and tried to free herself.
MOTHER FUCKER!
“Southern California.” Her screen ego sparkled. “I want to give back. I want to help women, and offer them support as they figure things out. It’s a beautiful place. You’d love it there, Clyde. You’d fit right in, for sure.”
“Thank you for joining us, Miss Lilith Brisbane!” Clyde extended his hand towards Lilith in a gesture of announcement. She placed her hand over her heart in an act of modesty and met his outstretched hand with her own. He kissed it.
LET ME GO! LET ME GO, GODDAMMIT!
They stood up together, faced the cameras, and bowed deeply. They rotated a quarter turn and bowed again. Rotating a quarter turn for a second time, they motioned to the crew and clapped freely in their direction. Joining hands one last time, they bowed again, and indulged the cameras with brilliant, tandem smiles that erupted the set lights into a prismatic display of fireworks.
Curls of black smoke leaked from the Myling television. The stagnant air was soon overpowered by the stench of electrical fire.
Lilith blew a kiss to the camera and exited stage left. Clyde gave the peace sign and one last wave before exiting stage right. The crew members exchanged high fives with each other and enveloped Lilith in a powerful group hug as she approached them offstage. It was a wrap.
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?
She gathered her strength and determination together and willed herself up from the couch. A shard of glass crunched under her bare foot. She ignored the searing pain and scrambled into the hallway.
I'm never coming back here again.
Choking from the smoke, she leveraged herself against the door and fumbled into her sandals.
I tried to help you. I really did.
She extended a shaky hand to close the door, leaving a bloodied print behind. Then she set out, hem in hand, into the frying pan outside.
I’m sorry, Ester!
TRANSIT
2002
Ester
She wept as the silver thread weaved through the universe.
Mother Goose heard her exhausted sobs from the rear of the gaggle. Swooping up behind her, she nuzzled her neck and preened her hair until she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was surrounded by a desolate panorama of jagged rock cliffs and nestled inside a large crater filled with stardust and spare goose feathers. A basket of fresh eggs lay at her side in offering.
She spent the next few nights collecting bits of rock from the nooks of the cliffs and polishing them into tools. In this way, she replaced the eggs that she had eaten until the night she returned to the basket and discovered that the eggs were gone and the surrounding food supply was bleak.
She decided to climb the highest cliff in hopes of finding her bearings and reestablishing the direction of her course.
Using the tools, she crawled upward little by little and willfully maintained her tread until she came across a small brush of flowering trees. She picked the flowers and ate them. They were sweet. Then she nestled herself along the boughs and fell asleep to the subtle vibrations within the crater.
When she awoke, she sharpened her tools and set upon the path once more. She conquered a little bit more of the cliff and came across a smaller brush of flowering trees. She picked the flowers and ate them, despite their strange flavor. After she finished eating, she nestled herself along the boughs and rested, eyes open to the nuances surrounding her.
As she climbed the following evening, the foliage grew austere and sparse as she neared the top. The leaves were strange colors she had never seen before, and their odors were just as foreign. She didn't eat them. The cliff became sharper and abstracted as she grew hungrier.
The top was a barren plateau bathed in rays of curious colors. She rested for a while and absorbed the peculiar strand of beauty.
Pockets of oxygen encased in colorless spheres floated through the inky sky. She caught one in her hands, cracked it open with her fingers and inhaled the sweet breath from within.
Rock cliff forests expanded for miles beneath her feet. She rotated slowly and drank in the view.
Her breath grew shallow as she real
ized that she couldn't find Earth, or recognize any of the celestial bodies surrounding her. She scoured the edges of the rockscape looking for something familiar.
She caught another sphere in her hands, cracked it open and inhaled the contents. The empty shell floated away. She reached for another, and then another as she walked towards the opposite end of the plateau. The remaining spheres floated through the rockscape canyon far beyond her reach.
It was silent as stared at the brilliant, peculiar colors illuminating miles upon miles of jagged rock. Waves of panic subsided into futile gasps for breath and chortles of wry laughter. She curled up in the crater and nestled her hair around her body. All awareness faded quickly into densely leaded black.
“She pricked her finger on the spindle and fell asleep for a hundred years and one day a prince was riding through the neighborhood and came across the castle and he saw her with her hair fanned out on the pillow and thought she was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen so he kissed her and she woke up and he was happy and she was happy and he swung her over the back of his horse and they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Lies. Let's play Stretch Armstrong meets Stretch Monster.”
"Lies?"
“How could she sleep for a hundred years? Didn’t she have to go to the bathroom?”
“Princesses don’t do that in the stories.”
“And he kissed her awake? She must’ve had some funky breath after a hundred years.”
(Giggling)
“And her hair was fanned out on the pillow? When I wake up in the morning my hair’s standing straight up to the sky like Don King’s and that’s only after one night.”
(More giggling)
“I still don't believe you, especially about the prince waking her up. Princes don't wake up a hundred and fifteen year old princess. I don’t care how neat her hair is. And Mama was only thirty-five. I miss her.”
“Please don't cry. I'll protect you. I'll always hold your pain, anger and sorrow for you. I'll make them disappear. I promise. Then we can play with Stretch Armstrong and Stretch Monster."
(Reveling in icy triumph) “It's too late for that. I wanted to see what made them stretch, so I cut off their arms and buried them in the sandbox.”
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
2010
Odette
“Odette Ridley?”
She stood up from her chair in the reception area of UCLA Health and followed the office coordinator through a set of adjoining doors. “Right this way, please.” He led her down a hallway of offices and stopped at the last door on the left. He knocked softly before turning the doorknob.
“Odette?”
“Dr. Brisbane?”
“Hi! So nice to meet you! Come on in.”
Odette stepped into the office. She wore light jeans and a high-necked shirt with long, thumb-holed sleeves that grazed her knuckles. A halo of black coils spiraled recklessly around her face and shoulders. Her gleaming bronze skin was accented with touches of carmine and gold. She turned her feathery lashes to Lilith.
Lilith stood up from her chair as her assistant approached her desk and handed her a manila folder.
“Thank you, Finn.”
He nodded, stepped out of the room and closed the door.
“Have a seat. I’ll be with you in one moment.” Lilith motioned across the room to a pair of green tufted sofas flanking a window.
“Okay.” She briefly glanced at the inkjet label on the edge of the folder in Lilith’s hands.
*UCLAHealth RIDLEY, ODETTE *new*
She stood in front of the window briefly. In the parking structure across the street, a Honda was trapped between the exit gate and a line of impatient vehicles. The driver reinserted his ticket, pressed the call button frantically, and cursed at the missing attendant.
She glanced at the reading materials pushed to the side of the coffee table before sitting down.
UCLA College Magazine
A Confederacy of Dunces
Your Own Personal New Orleans Tour
Lilith sat at the couch across from her. “Brilliant day, isn’t it?”
Odette fidgeted inside her thumb-holed sleeves. “In Southern California, too!”
Lilith laughed. “We’re so spoiled here. Is that why you moved here from New Orleans? The weather?”
“I’m from there originally, but I went to school back East."
Lilith looked at her files. “Ah, yes. I see it now. Andover and Penn. Moving to California from the East Coast is still a big change.”
Odette adjusted the neckline of her shirt and glanced at the diplomas on the wall.
USC College of Letters, Arts & Sciences, Bachelor of Arts: Gender Studies
The University of California David Geffen School of Medicine: Doctor of Medicine
Lilith motioned to the coffee maker on the end table to her left. “Can I offer you some water or coffee? I just brewed a fresh pot.”
“No, thanks.”
She glanced at Odette’s shirt. “Are you warm? I can turn up the air.”
“That’s okay. I’m fine.”
“Do you have roommates?”
“I live alone.”
Lilith rustled the chart in her fingers. “What was your major at Penn?”
Odette crossed her legs and shook her foot. “Astrophysics."
Lilith looked up from the chart and smiled. “Excellent. What do you do now?”
“I’m a research assistant at a lab.”
“Are you thinking of going back to school?”
Odette exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure. I’ve been living with something for a long time.”
“Okay. Would you like to talk about it?”
She stared at the file in Lilith’s hands. “Is the suicide attempt mentioned anywhere in my records?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what I’m here to discuss. What if I told you that I never attempted suicide, and that it was all a misunderstanding?”
“A misunderstanding in what way? Are the hospital records wrong?”
“Not exactly, but things aren’t always as they seem.”
“Okay. What happened?”
Odette took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “It’s hard to explain. I guess you could say I’m talented.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind about that.”
“I was surrounded by magic as a little girl living in New Orleans. I have a gift. I can look behind the eyes of other women.”
Lilith took a breath and nodded simultaneously. “You mean you’re an empath?”
Odette reached into her pocket, removed a Queen of Clubs card and slapped it on the coffee table between them. “It started with this. It’s been happening for almost as long as I can remember.”
“What’s been happening, Odette?”
Odette’s patience began to wane. “I was looking behind her eyes for a long time. After a while, it was almost like she was a part of me. And I know who you are, Lilith. I’ve been looking for you. You know who I’m talking about. It’s Ester. She saved my life. Ugh! This is awkward. I hooked up with the wrong guy. It wasn’t my best judgment. It all went wrong.”
She pulled her shirt over her head. A burn scar in the shape of a hummingbird covered the skin at the base of her clavicles and spread outward to her bra straps. “I didn’t do this.” She held out her arms to reveal the wounds on her wrists. “I didn’t do this, either.”
“So how did it happen?”
“I can’t remember, but it was inside a glass sphere. Almost like a snow globe but a really thick one. There was water inside. He had a knife. He was going to rape and kill me. I was screaming for help.
After a few seconds, Ester heard me, and I was looking behind her eyes like I’ve done in the past. But it was different this time. She protected me. She took my fear, pain and danger into her mind and body and blocked them from me completely. She stoo
d in front of me like a shield and fought my battle.
She smashed the glass with her bare hands and pried a hole to get me. That’s how she cut her wrists. An owl and a spider helped her do it. I don’t know how I got home. I was in my bathtub when they found me. My wrists were bleeding. The hummingbird was on my chest.”
“Did you report the assault to the police?”
“And tell them what? I don’t know where I was when it happened. I came to at home in my bathtub. Any physical evidence had been washed away.”
She reached for a tissue. “I’m terrified he’s going to find me someday, after all this time. I barely leave my apartment. I know he’s lurking out there.”
Lilith pulled her hair away from her forehead with her fist. “Do you remember what he looked like? Would you still be able to identify him?”
“Just that crazy smile. I’ve tried to forget it, but I can’t. It’s stuck in my head like a disembodied Joker.”
The two women stared at the Queen of Clubs on the coffee table. A long pause ensued.
“What about your family?”
“You mean my mama? She’s dead.”
“What was she like?”
Odette sighed. “Beautiful. Distant. Distracted.”
“Were you close?”
“I never saw her while I was in boarding school. I had work study every summer. I spent my holiday breaks on the east coast with classmates.”
“When did you last see her?”
“Right after my high school graduation. The ceremony was on Sunday. I hit the road Monday morning and arrived in New Orleans on Wednesday. We spent three days together.”
“How was that?”
“It was fine. We didn’t really do much, but I was happy to see her. She made lamb gumbo with okra and black eyed peas. And king cake, with a toy baby baked inside and everything. We basically just sat around and ate for three days. On Sunday morning I got up early and started the drive to Philadelphia. I had a full time job booking river cruises until the fall semester started.”
