“Maybe you had too much focus, too much love.”
“Is there such a thing as too much love? I thought so, until I met your family. The abundance of love here is overwhelming.”
“No, that was the abundance of noise overwhelming you,” he teased, earning a small smile.
“It does take getting used to, the noise and constant activity. But I like it. And there is such affection, even in the arguing. It’s not at all stifling, your family’s love, it just absorbs you. I’m very grateful for the way they’ve taken me under their wing. It’s given me a lot to think about.”
“Maybe your grandparents placed all the hopes and aspirations they’d had for their son on you.”
“Absolutely. My dad apparently thrived in the Chandler business. I was too young when they died to remember much, but it was always assumed I’d have the same enthusiasm.”
“But you didn’t.”
She shook her head. “I felt like such a traitor for even thinking about not taking on the full mantle of responsibility that comes with being born a Chandler. Like I wasn’t supposed to fulfill only their expectations, but those of my parents, as well. I honestly spent years thinking there was something really wrong with me, that I was just being selfish to not want what they had to give me.”
“That’s a pretty heavy burden for a child or even an adult.”
“That’s just it, they never saw it as a burden. Being a Chandler is a privilege to be cherished, because they both do. Honestly so. Chandler Enterprises, living that life is everything to them. They thrive on it, just like you do with yours.”
Nick smiled. “So you’re the black sheep, the renegade. Even the best of families have them. We have Joey.”
She smiled at that, and he was glad to know he could lift the confusion and pain from her eyes, even momentarily.
“It’s not wrong to want to have the freedom of making your own decisions,” he said. “When you’re told to love something, it doesn’t mean you will. Or even that you should.”
“I know. But I spent so many years trying to figure out what was wrong with me, doing what they wanted, hoping things would change for me, that I never figured out what it was I did want. It took me years to find the courage and confidence to not only believe it was okay, but to actually do something about it.”
“What did it? What gave you the courage to leave?”
Her expression faltered, and he saw something in her eyes that sent a cold chill up his spine. “What, what is it?” He turned her face to his. “Honesty, Sunny. That is the one thing we started with, and I want it to stay that way. You can tell me anything.”
“I went to grad school, doubled up my course load and got my master’s in business communications. It was finally time for me to take my place with Grandfather. Only I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know, something finally snapped inside me. I had to have some time. I knew that the moment I walked in and saw the door with my name on it, my identity as a Chandler, first, last and always, was sealed forever. So I asked for some time.”
The chill fingered its way from his spine to his heart. “Some time?”
She sighed softly, then looked into his eyes. “Six months. I wanted to figure out who I was before I became what I was expected to be.”
“So, you’re still planning on going back?” His heart squeezed painfully. Later. There would be time later to figure it all out. He pushed thoughts of the future away. And yet his heart seemed to pause while waiting for her answer.
“Yes. I have to.”
10
“WHY DO YOU have to?”
Sunny looked into Nick’s eyes, not believing all she saw there. What did he expect from her? Had this meant something more to him than just a spectacular way to spend the afternoon? Could she let herself believe it might? Where would that leave her?
“I can’t explain it,” she said softly. She wished they’d never started down this conversational path. She wanted to enjoy her time with him. She’d have to deal with the future soon enough.
“Do you think you owe it to them?” he asked. “Or have you decided working with your grandfather is what you really want to do?”
She turned to shift away from him, but his arm came around her back and he cupped her face so she looked at him.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he said intently.
“I know. I want bigger boundaries than they have. Fewer rules. I don’t want to focus my entire life on being a Chandler and the family business. But—” She stopped, then impulsively reached up and kissed him hard on the mouth. “But I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I just want to enjoy you and not make big life decisions this afternoon.”
“Evening.”
She glanced toward the window and realized that the summer sun had indeed begun to set. “I suppose you should be getting back to the store, so to speak. I can’t remember the last time I was so…irresponsible.” She started to move off him, but that iron band of an arm was still wrapped around her waist, pinning her to him. She didn’t mind it a bit.
“We were not irresponsible. The reception was almost over, and I’m confident Louis took care of things. If not, I’d have heard from him by now. I already had the staff lined up at the restaurant for tonight.”
For the first time, it occurred to Sunny what everyone must be thinking. The two of them had run from the reception straight to Nick’s bed. The whole staff must be buzzing. Then another thought occurred to her. Two of Nick’s sisters had been working the event today! She really must have been in a total hormonal fog to have not considered those consequences to their actions.
Nick grinned at her. “You didn’t think this would remain a secret, did you?”
Sunny pushed at him, but Nick rolled her to her back, loosely pinning one wrist to the bed. The other was trapped between their bodies. “No running,” he said, his tone teasing but his eyes very serious.
“I wasn’t.” But she wasn’t so sure that was the truth. She’d needed to put what she’d done in perspective. “Won’t this make things hard for you, too? Your family has made no secret they’ve been wanting to see us get together. I don’t want to hurt them by misleading them or…or anything.”
He took one hand to his mouth and kissed a very sensitive spot on the inside of her wrist. How did he know just the right spots to touch? She didn’t even know she had those spots.
“Let me worry about my family.” He trailed a series of light kisses along the inside of her wrist. “Right now, I’m where I want to be. Everything else will take care of itself.” He slid on top of her. “Right now I just want to take care of you.”
“I’m perfectly fine.” More than fine—blissful, she thought. His body was warm, and amazingly she felt him stir against her yet again. Her hips were already shifting beneath his as she said, “You know, there is something about this work ethic of yours to be admired.”
He grinned as he began to push against her. “I do like to be…on top of things.”
“Oh, yes,” she said, hissing the last word as he moved inside her. All thoughts of what would happen when they left this bedroom were blown from her mind on a flash of pleasure so bright, she couldn’t concentrate on anything else. “Dear God, yes.”
SUNNY SNUGGLED more deeply into her pillow and let her eyelids slit open to check the time. A second later, she shot up in her bed. Only it wasn’t her bed. And it wasn’t evening any longer. Or even night. That was sun shining in the bedroom window.
A warm hand wrapped around her arm. “Come back here.”
Oh, God. After he’d made love to her that last time, she’d drifted off, thinking she’d rest a minute or two, then insist he take her home and check in on things at the restaurant. That had been—she shoved her hair from her face and squinted at the beside clock—nine hours ago.
“What’s wrong?” Nick gently strolled her arm until she turned.
Just looking at him took her breath away. All dark and tawny, sprawled
on white cotton sheets. There should be a law against looking so sinful and downright inviting. Her body was already gearing up to accept that invitation, too.
“I have to go,” she said.
“There you go, having to do something again. Might I ask why?”
“Well, for one thing, shouldn’t you be at the restaurant right now?”
His smile stayed in place, but his eyes turned a shade less amused. “I’m a big boy, I know how to run my business. It’s early yet. Why don’t you tell me what’s really wrong?”
“I—” She hesitated, then just spit it out. “I spent the night.”
“And this is a problem—why?”
“Because I don’t spend the night.”
He looked at her for several long moments, then said, “Who made this rule? You? Or the Chandler empire?”
She wiggled her arm free, waiting for all the righteous indignation to fill her and give her the strength to leave his bed. Only it didn’t come. And she didn’t leave. Nor did she want to, if she were being honest.
And wasn’t that what this whole thing was about? Being honest with herself?
“It was my rule, but I suppose it’s grounded in Chandler expectations.”
“And what expectations are those?” Nick propped himself up on his pillow. Her mouth went dry and she made herself look away from where the sheet draped dangerously low on his hips. Hips that could move so sinuously—
“Spending the night leads to speculation,” she said quickly. “On the part of the person you spend it with.”
“The kind of speculation that making love with that same person, performing such an intimate act with him, doesn’t lead to?”
She felt her face burn, but continued. “I think you of all people would acknowledge that sex can be recreational while not automatically emotionally bonding or relationship-forming.”
He smiled, obviously amused by her tone. “I guess I have a hard time seeing the Chandlers as people who encourage a lot of recreational sex.”
Sunny surprised both of them by laughing. “Okay, so maybe I am a renegade. A little. And no, my grandfather didn’t encourage me to sleep around. In fact, I don’t sleep around. But, as you know, I wasn’t a virgin, either. The men I dated, or was encouraged to date, were always appropriate and potential Chandler material.”
“What? No black sheep on your dance card? You never strayed a bit?”
“At the risk of making you even more smug,” she said dryly, “no, not until now.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I’m hardly a black sheep.”
She smiled. “Black enough. I tried very hard to please my grandparents because, after all, I felt I owed them everything. The least I could do was date men they would approve of. And, to be honest, it hardly seemed like a sacrifice.”
His grin was downright wicked. “Do you still feel that way?”
She blushed. “I think I’ve maxed out your smug quotient for the day, so I’m going to politely decline answering that.”
“Well, we all know how important it is for you to be polite.”
He said it affectionately, and Sunny was pleased to discover that she didn’t mind it. In fact, it was nice being able to be herself and yet laugh at herself, as well. “There’s no use in pretending otherwise, so what can I say? I was always cautious and very certain to make it clear that there were to be no expectations beyond the moment.”
“And the men in your life accepted that?” He laughed as if he couldn’t imagine playing by those rules. And she couldn’t see him doing so, either.
“You’re right,” he said, still chuckling. “You did have very polite sex.”
Sunny could only shrug. “I never worried that any of them would pursue me if I didn’t want to be pursued. I just made certain they didn’t get the wrong idea in the first place. No sense in hurting anyone’s feelings.”
“No, we certainly wouldn’t want anything messy and impolite like feelings involved.”
She was offended. “I’m being pretty honest about my life here. It doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings or that I’d hurt anyone needlessly. If that kept things from getting messy, well then, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
Nick didn’t apologize. What he did was lean forward and run a finger down the side of her cheek, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. “So why are you in my bed now? Am I part of your renegade fling? Your chance to get a little messy before heading back to polite society? Only now it’s morning and you realize I might see implications where none were intended? Do you regret straying from your polite little path?”
She shifted away from his touch but held his gaze directly. “Honesty, that’s what you wanted from me, so here it is. Yes. In a way, you were my renegade fling.”
He didn’t register her words in any visible way. “And being here this morning is too messy for you?”
Trying to find the right way to explain, she paused. “It should be. That’s why I automatically reacted the way I did.”
There was a twitch in his jaw, a light tic at the vein in his temple. It was only then she realized how tightly he was holding himself in check. “But?”
“But there’s nothing automatic about being with you. You’re…different.”
“Do you think I’m going to make problems for you now? Storm your world if you try to leave me?”
“Of course not!”
In a heartbeat she was flat on her back, the wind snatched from her lungs.
His face was inches from hers, his voice a low growl. “And what makes you so sure about that?”
There was no fear. She felt exhilaration, excitement and absolute anticipation. But not one shred of fear.
And that is what truly terrified her.
“When I go home, you will go on with your life as I go on with mine,” she said breathlessly. “After all, wasn’t it you who made it clear that you weren’t in the market for marriage? I assume that also includes any kind of long-term commitment.”
“What if I change my mind?”
She couldn’t even contemplate that. She opened her mouth, but had no idea what to say.
He blew out a sigh. “Listen, never mind. If you ask me to leave you alone, I will. If you want to go home and don’t want any further contact with me, then go.”
“And if I don’t want you to leave me alone…at least for now…then what?”
His eyes widened and her entire body responded. “Then I say stop worrying about the rules of polite society and go for what you want. You always do what you think is right for everyone else. Maybe it’s time you were a little more selfish. If it gets messy, it gets messy. That’s how the real world works.” He leaned in, moving between her legs. “And if what you want is me, even for now, then by damn, take me, Sunny. We’ll worry about the rest when it happens.”
She didn’t debate the invitation or analyze it for pros and cons and come up with a sensible reaction. She did what her gut and her heart told her to do. She shoved him over on his back and straddled him. “What if this is what I want?”
Nick’s grin surfaced, sure and strong. “I absolutely encourage you to follow through on the decision.”
The confidence and obvious affection in his eyes gave her an incredible sense of freedom. She could be whatever she wanted, whoever she wanted, with him. And he’d take exactly what was offered, nothing more…but also nothing less. He wanted the woman she was, and Sunny was realizing she liked the woman she was, too.
She leaned down and rocked her hips. “You know, for someone telling me to be selfish, you were pretty unselfish.”
“Meaning?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“You could have let me make an ass of myself and walk out of here. Instead you made me face why I was reacting the way I was. And figure out what I want.”
He grinned. “And who says that wasn’t selfish on my part?” He grabbed her hips and swung her over him, making her groan deeply. “What if I knew all along I was what you really wanted?”
&nb
sp; She collapsed on his chest, laughing and moaning at the same time. “Then I bow to your superior intellect and supreme insight.”
He sat her upright and held her waist as he plunged into her. “Actually, one of the things I know for a fact about you is that, while you try to please everyone, you bow to no one. If you’re with me—”
“Oh, I am…” She moved on him, smiling into his face, relishing these moments perhaps more than any before.
“Then I know it’s because I’m where you want to be.”
He was right. She’d never had anyone really care enough to look beyond the name and the face and the stock holdings. It was a profound moment for her. He wouldn’t be as easy as the men she’d dated. He’d make her look inside herself and examine her feelings and motives and decisions. He’d demand honesty.
And she found she wanted to give that to him. And to herself.
11
“SO, WHAT TIME is he picking you up?” Andrea reached over to tuck a stray curl beneath Sunny’s hair net.
Sunny rolled her eyes. “He’s not picking me up. We’re working the festival together. It’s not a date. Just like the wedding we worked wasn’t a date.”
Andrea’s eyes sparkled. “Not at first, anyway.” She raised her hands when Sunny gave her a mock glare. “I know. It’s just fun to see you two near each other.”
“Fun for whom?” Sunny said dryly.
Laughing, Andrea handed Sunny her apron. “Fun for anyone who can stand being that close to the flames.”
Sunny merely shook her head and held her arms out while Andrea helped tie her apron. As Andrea fussed with the strings, Sunny realized how much her life had changed in the past four weeks. She had grown used to having one or two of Nick’s sisters around, along with one or two cousins, half a dozen kids and all the noise and laughter that went with it.
The thought of being alone again, going back to that cold, impersonal, oh-so-proper lifestyle made her stomach clench. Then Andrea was swinging her around and smiling while relating a fresh bit of gossip and, happily distracted, Sunny filed her worries away. Today was a workday, but it was also a fun day. She would have time to wander the street festival when her shift was up.
Walk on the Wild Side Page 9
