If there is any part of you that doesn’t blame her for what happened to your son, I beg you to look at the paintings she recently completed. And I mean really look at them, because if you do, I think you’ll also see how truly and utterly sorry she is for her part in what happened to Connor.
So, please, look at these paintings with the mentality that she loved your son with every part of her, and know that she is still devastated by what happened to him.
Please look at them and find forgiveness for her, because I don’t think she’s realized this yet, but she needs that from you more than she would ever admit.
Now, it kind of pains me to do this because I don’t know what kind of people you are, and I didn’t buy these paintings just so they could be a talking piece at some rich folks’ boring dinners, but I want you to do with these paintings as you wish.
Part of me hopes you’ll keep at least two of them, and the other part hopes you’ll auction off the rest to earn money for the charity in Connor’s name. I’ve done a lot of research on everything your organization has done, and it’s something I would love to donate to in Veronica’s name.
Please don’t tell Veronica I contacted you. I know she will probably figure it out for herself, but I don’t want her to think I did this to get her to love me back. I didn’t even really do it for her, I did it for your son. I did it for Connor. Because he and I apparently have a lot in common. He loved Veronica truly, madly, deeply; I can tell just from the way she talks about him. And I want to make sure his death makes a difference. Because I am also truly, madly, deeply in love with the woman he loved, and I want to make sure their love lives on through his charity.
So, do with these paintings as you will. They are yours now. Just please, make sure Veronica finds a way to forgive herself. And please, make sure whoever buys these paintings truly appreciates them.
Maverick
I read over the letter three times before I finally set it down on the coffee table in front of me.
Fucking Maverick.
I can’t handle him.
I don’t know what to do with his love for me—but I know I won’t turn it away again.
I don’t know how I’ve been lucky enough to have not one, but two selfless men love me, but I won’t take it for granted twice.
So, for once, when I decide to run, I run toward someone instead of away from them.
I exchange goodbyes with the Liams, and then with my parents, and I book the first flight back to Kansas, even though it’s the day before New Year’s Eve and the airport is bound to be packed.
This time, nothing will stop me from fighting for the man I love.
42
Maverick
Our house is filled to the brim with drunk twenty-somethings. Aspen and I have very different definitions on what a small get together is, but here I am, on New Year’s Eve, avoiding people in my own backyard. It’s cold enough that I can see my breath each time I breathe out.
It’s almost midnight and I wish I was beginning the new year with Veronica by my side. It’s been over a month since she fled from me—from us—and the wound still hurts. I still miss her.
I wish she wasn’t halfway across the country from me tonight.
The Liams called a week ago.
They told me how much Veronica’s paintings raised for Connor’s Ocean. I had to brace myself against the kitchen counter when I heard the total.
She did that.
Her work did that for Connor.
I was so proud of her. I was too nervous to ask if she had attended the function or not, but luckily, Maria loves to talk. She told me Veronica was there when they were auctioned off, and that she took it well. That she was thankful and that she seemed happy.
I was happy she was happy, I just wished her happiness included me.
But if she’s happy there, if she’s healing, I’m grateful for that. She deserves to get rid of the guilt. To move on.
I’m very fortunate to have had Lily through all this. My sister sucks at keeping secrets, and since she’s been keeping in touch with Veronica, I’ve been receiving small updates from her on how Veronica is doing.
Just the other night I was hanging out with Selma, Aspen, and Lily, when both Lily and Selma were swearing Veronica would be back. That we would be together once she’s had her time. I felt hope when I heard it from their lips, but I tried not to let that hope take over.
I’ve never met a healed version of Veronica, and once she is healed—if she heals—I’m not confident she’d want to come back to this small college town and give me a real chance.
I hear the sound of the back door opening and closing, but I don’t look that way. I’m too focused on dwelling in my feelings for Veronica.
There’s the sound of boots crunching against snow.
And I look in the direction of the noise—my eyes landing on a pair of boots I could never forget. My gaze travels up her breathtaking body as Veronica comes face-to-face with me.
“You know I don’t like being ignored.” Her blue eyes focus on my face.
We both take the moment to stare at each other. Even though it’s only been a month, I feel like I need to be reacquainted with her entire being.
Those high cheekbones with the tiny freckles that my lips have memorized.
Her lips that are the perfect shade of pink and always look swollen.
Her eyes, that used to scream sadness, but are now more mellow. Calm.
“I’m pissed at you, you know,” I say. The words sound strange coming from my throat. Gravelly, quiet. I’m still trying to process the fact that she’s standing right across from me.
“Yeah, well I seem to do that a lot for people,” she says.
The fog from her breath mixes with the fog of mine. They dance together in perfect harmony. Harmony I wish Veronica and I could have.
“Wrong answer,” I say.
Her body twitches with my words. She shuffles her feet in the snow, as if she’s nervous right now. “What are you talking about?”
“I want you to ask why I’m pissed at you.”
She lets out a long sigh. “Why are you pissed at me, Maverick?”
“I’m pissed at you because I’ve thought about this a lot and I think your whole ice queen thing comes from the fact that you don’t want people to leave you. Even though it wasn’t his fault, Connor left. And since then, you’ve been telling this lie to yourself that if you don’t let people get close enough to you to leave, then all will be well in your world. But you didn’t think about one thing when you devised that stupid plan in your head,” I tell her.
She looks me dead in the eye as she says, “Oh yeah and what’s that?”
“Me.”
“You?”
I take a step closer to her, my hand slowly reaching out to play with a strand of her hair that has fallen out of her ponytail. “Yes, me. Because I am in love with you, consequences be damned. I am in love with you no matter what I face because, Veronica, I am going to stay. I am going to stay and fucking love you through it. It might be ugly at points, but I want to stay through it all because the thought of not having you isn’t an option for me. I’m pissed at you because you up and left before I could prove to you that I would stay with you regardless of what you threw at me. Just when I was given the opportunity to prove to you that I was serious in my pursuit of pursuing you forever, you left. Not even giving me the chance to show you I would fucking stay if you would just let me.”
Veronica leans into my touch, her eyes staring at my lips.
I remember the time I asked her why she was always staring at my lips and she confessed it was because of the scar. A scar Lily gave me when she threw her Barbie’s pink car at my face.
“Is that all?” she asks, leaning away enough from my hand to look me in the eye.
“No, it isn’t. I’m also proud of you. The more time I had to think about it, the more I was happy you ran home. Because for me to love you the way you deserve to be loved, I needed you
to pick up your own pieces. To heal some on your own. I’ve learned a lot because of my last relationship and I learned I can’t be the white knight for the girl I love. I don’t want to be that again. I want to be your sidekick, not your hero. I’m proud of you for going home and facing everything that came with that and I hope that maybe one day, when you feel like you can open your heart again without having all the guilt, that maybe I can have a chance.”
I take a breath and add, “I saw something once that said you can’t be loved by someone until you love yourself and I still think it’s bullshit. I get that you don’t like yourself. You’ve made some mistakes in your life and now you have to live with them. I still don’t think Connor’s death was your fault, and I hope you realized that while home. But I am telling you right now that you don’t have to love yourself. You don’t even have to like yourself, because I love you enough for the both of us. I didn’t expect it to happen, I don’t even know how it happened, but it did.
“And now I will show you just how worthy of love you are despite every shitty thing that has happened to you and especially after every shitty thing you have done. I love you despite all of it. One of these days, my love will show you that it’s okay to love yourself, too—despite your flaws, because of your flaws. Because I am in love with every single thing that makes you you. The good, the bad, the ugly. All of it. So, once you’ve picked up your pieces, once you can love again, even if it isn’t by loving yourself, I want you to choose me.” I cup both of her cheeks in my hand, pulling her face to look up at me.
I want her to see the sincerity in my eyes. I want her to know I love her, despite everything that’s happened. But I also want her to know I won’t rush her. When she accepts us—if she accepts us—I need her to know it will mean forever for me. However long she lets our forever be.
“Are you going to give me the opportunity to talk or are you going to continue to give speeches?” She playfully bumps her nose against mine, her legs stretching so she can reach my face.
I laugh, white air bursting from my mouth with the action. “I’m all ears.”
“’Kay, thanks,” Veronica responds, reaching up to wrap her small fingers around mine.
Her hand is surprisingly warm in the frigid temperature.
“Maverick,” she begins, looking up at me. Snow has started to fall, and it catches on her long eyelashes. She tries to blink it away, but it continues to cling to them. “When we first met, I was basically a shell of a person. I hated myself so much that there wasn’t really anything else to me. I pushed people away like it was my job. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to another person, let alone give myself to them. But it was different with you. I thought you were safe because you were with Selma. It turns out I was slowly giving away pieces of myself to you unintentionally.
“And when I was hundreds of miles away from you, I wanted to intentionally give the rest of myself to you. Because when I saw my paintings on that stage, raising money for Connor’s Ocean, my head realized what my heart already knew. It knew I needed you. It knew that you made me a better person, that you made me not just want to be better, but actually be better.
“You inspired me to figure my shit out. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last month. Since I last saw you, I’ve been talking about my problems, facing the Liams, and even bonding with my parents. I still have so much to work on. You’ll get annoyed with me, I promise. I’m still selfish, I can still act like a child, and I still can’t figure out why you and Aspen are so close, but if you’ll have me, I want to give this another shot.” She places her tiny hand over my chest.
My thick jacket must be in the way, however, because she slowly brings the zipper down. Veronica flattens her palm right above my heart. I can feel the heat of her hand through the thin fabric of my shirt. I would bet money that she could feel the beat of my heart against that small hand. My heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest and land right in her hand.
She already owns it anyway.
“The pieces of my heart love the pieces of your heart. And I was wondering if, as we both fix ourselves, we could maybe mix our pieces together?” Her fingers nervously drum against my chest, something I often find myself doing when I’m nervous.
I open my mouth to say something, but both our heads turn to the house when we hear the chanting from the house. It must be almost midnight because there is the sound of people counting down as the ball begins to drop.
“Ten…nine…eight…seven…”
Veronica lifts up on her toes, so she is face-to-face with me. “I love you with everything I have, Maverick Morrison.”
And as the clock strikes midnight, I start the new year with Veronica’s lips against mine.
It’s perfect.
We hear people cheering inside. Lily even sticks her head out to yell obscenities at us as we continue to make out. I have my fingers threaded through the strands of Veronica’s ponytail, pulling her close to me like I’m a starved man—and I feel like one. Snow has continued to fall around us, leaving small wet spots all over both of us.
“I love you, too,” I tell her. And I do—despite her pushing me away, despite the consequences. I love her.
Best of all, she managed to fall in love with me, too.
Epilogue
Veronica
The water is cold against my toes. I yelp once it begins to brush against my thighs.
Maverick laughs next to me, and I look over at him. His skin is the perfect shade of golden tan after we’ve spent our summer here in South Carolina.
We’ve been together a year and a half now. A year and a half that was filled with ups and downs—but ups and downs we conquered together.
Maverick graduated last summer, pre-law. I was terrified he would move far away, and I would’ve moved anywhere with him, but we both wanted to end up in the same place.
Here—in South Carolina.
Instead of being a criminal defense lawyer, Maverick decided he wanted to pursue his dream of helping people through pro-bono opportunities. So, he just changed his direction on how exactly he would do that. Now, he’s in his first year of law school to become an attorney for nonprofits. He plans to open his own practice here in South Carolina.
His first client will be Connor’s Ocean.
Maverick and I both wanted to spend a summer here to make sure living in South Carolina is what we really want. We figured out in the first week that this is where both of us need to be.
Now that I’ve graduated with a marketing degree, I’m the new marketing director for Connor’s Ocean. It allows me to continue to paint and let my creative side out, while also making a difference in something that’s important to me.
“What are you thinking about?” Maverick’s voice covers the sound of the crashing waves.
I look at him. The man I am so hopelessly in love with.
I plan to marry him one day. That one day may be sooner rather than later considering Lily spilled the beans that he was out looking for rings recently.
We don’t have the most conventional of love stories, but it’s ours.
“Just how we got to be here,” I answer him.
“In South Carolina?” he questions, his feet kicking up water as he walks toward me.
I gladly walk right into his strong arms, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. I tuck my head under his jaw. “Yeah. When I lost Connor years ago, I never thought I would willingly choose to come back to South Carolina. But here I am, happy to be moving back. Happy to be starting a new chapter—with you. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, Mav.” I nestle closer into his chest as he squeezes me tighter.
“You would have been fine without me,” he says. “It may have taken a bit longer, but you’re strong, you would have figured it out—with or without me. I am happy that life played out the way it did though, because you’re my world.” He presses his lips against my hair.
“I think Connor would’ve really liked you,” I say, pointing my head
to look up at him.
There’s clear emotion on his face, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat. “I think he would be very proud of you, Veronica.”
“Yeah,” I say, looking out at the ocean. “I think he would be, too.”
The ocean continues to crash around us as we both stay locked in our moment.
The sun breaks through the clouds, and if I believed in something beyond this life we live, I would think that maybe Connor is looking down upon us. I’m unsure about my thoughts of the afterlife, but I take comfort that, regardless, the sun has begun to shine on my life again.
So, as I press my face against Maverick’s neck, I think about the first boy who taught me about life. The boy that I lost way too soon, but the boy I will continue to try and make proud.
Even though Connor is no longer with us, his spirit lives on in the charity work we do, and it makes me content to know he has been immortalized through Connor’s Ocean.
I think back to the girl I was when I was with Connor.
I had spent so much of my time loving him, even after he was gone, that I didn’t know who I was without the love I had for him and the guilt I held for his death. It was during a therapy session that I realized I had tangled those feelings up too much.
I had to unravel them piece by piece.
I kept the love I had for Connor deep in my heart, a love I would never let go of.
But I got rid of the guilt. Maverick helped me do that.
I think about the man who brought me back to life after losing the boy I loved. The man who stopped me from drowning. The man whose arms are wrapped around me right now, still protecting me from my own waves.
The Consequence of Loving Me: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Aftershock Series Book 1) Page 21
