“You still plan on ending things with her?”
He growled as his character died in the game we were playing. I smiled to myself. I rarely play video games, but when I do I’m very good at them.
“At some point, yeah,” he told me. “Nadine’s determined to get me to fall in love with her. I keep telling her we’re too young. I still have one more year of high school after this one. I’m not ready to start picking out china patterns.” He glanced at me. There was something different in his eyes; they seemed warmer than usual.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I hear spring is the best time to get married.”
He winced. “Not funny, Weathers. Not funny at all.”
I always knew he was playing with me when he called me by my last name.
We played until his father called us down for lunch. We all sat mutely together at the table eating our toasted cheese and tomato soup. It was his father who eventually broke the silence.
“So, Dawn, what are your plans for college?” he asked between bites.
I had never been asked this question, so I wasn’t sure how to answer. My mother had never imprinted the image of college in my head like most kids’ parents did. The thought of me being out of school seemed more of a reason for us to travel more, see the world. My mother had so many places she wanted to go, so many people she wanted to save. Not to mention that I had a lifetime to get a degree in any field that I wanted.
“I’m not sure, Mr. Snyder.” I paused and looked at Adam. He had this horrified look on his face. “More than likely I will wind up taking some classes at the community college. My mother wants to take some time out to visit family after I get out of school.”
“That sounds like fun,” he said, without any particular enthusiasm. “So…. you excited about the prom?”
Where were these questions coming from?
I blinked and felt a nudge against my thigh as Adam cleared his throat.
“Oh, of course, super stoked,” I lied.
I hadn’t even thought about it. So much had been going on I hadn’t even realized that we were more than halfway through the school year.
After a few more minutes of awkward conversation Mr. Snyder excused himself from the table and left the room.
“Your face when he asked about the prom!” Adam teased as he collected my bowl and plate and took them to the sink. “I bet you haven’t given it a thought. Nadine is already obsessing over what she’s going to wear. We’re two months out and she’s making detailed plans.” He rolled his eyes and rinsed the dishes. “You know, if I didn’t know you already, I would be questioning your sanity. You’re nothing like the other girls at school.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I laughed. It felt great to have a normal lunch with a normal family and talk about normal things.
It wasn’t long after lunch when Adam’s mom sent him a message stating that she was on her way. I had never met the woman, but he was scared she would have heart failure if she met me. My smile alone might cause her to have an aneurism, my laugh a fully-fledged heart attack. His mother was very close-minded, he told me, especially concerning anything that in any way threatened the innocence of her son. He didn’t want her to whip out a can of bitch-be-gone on me. We said our farewells and I departed his driveway just as his mother was pulling in.
***
I didn’t want to go home right away, so I sent Aaron a message and decided to stop off at his place for a bit, just to see how he was doing. After his run-in with my father the day before I wanted to make sure there was no psychological damage. There was no way of knowing what kind of damage my father could have on a teenage brain. To be honest, I was still wrapping my mind around the whole daddy thing. Anyway, going home now was just going to make me start thinking, and I didn’t want to think. I had been through enough for one day. All I wanted to do was forget all I knew for at least for an hour or two more.
Aaron didn’t live far from Adam, just down the street. I hadn’t even cut the engine before he was outside opening my car door. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his face when I got out of the car. You would have thought this boy had never seen a girl before. He smiled broadly. I didn’t know what in particular was catching his fancy. My dress was in no way revealing; the only part of me that showed was my knees and maybe half of my calves.
“I’m digging the outfit,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips to mine.
His kiss was heated and intense. He forced my lips open, making the kiss deeper than any of the others we had shared. He pushed me against my car, his body molding to mine as his hands went up and down my sides. I wasn’t sure if I wanted what he wanted, which felt increasingly obvious. He pulled away from me, panting, and stepped back to look at me again. I couldn’t understand the lust on his face. His eyes were glassy, his pupils dilated, and he didn’t take his hands off me all the way from my car to the living room in his house.
He broke off to bring me a Dr. Pepper from the kitchen and then sat down on the couch next to me. The TV was off but the radio was on with old-school Limp Bizkit playing softly from the speakers. There was a book lying face down on the arm of the couch but I didn’t have the chance to read the title or get the name of the author before Aaron’s lips were on mine again.
Now we were out of public view his hands wandered swiftly from my waist to my neck and then down to my chest. I jumped when I felt him touch my breasts. I gasped and pulled away. This just didn’t feel right. I hadn’t expected to get to this point so soon. Yes, I had slept with Wesley after only knowing him for a short period, but that was different. There was a connection there that I didn’t have with Aaron, some primal calling that had to be answered. Now I was just felt queasy, like it was my first time all over again. A nervous fluttering in the pit of my stomach pestered me.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed, sitting up.
“No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” I straightened my skirt, which had somehow ridden up to mid-thigh.
“I just thought that...” He stopped himself. “Never mind.”
“No… what?” I asked quietly, inching a little closer to him.
I liked the boy well enough. I just wasn’t sure I was ready to add another notch to my bedpost quite this quickly. Then again, Wesley had wasted no time in being with Miranda. This in no way made me question my feelings for Wesley. I still loved him. I just wasn’t with him.
How did his thing with Miranda even work? How could he not tell that she wasn’t human? I imagined how cold she must feel against his naked flesh. The image in my head made me shiver. I felt a familiar hardening in my heart and to drive all such thoughts from my mind I pressed my lips hungrily to Aaron’s. Here I went again—my demonic side gaining the upper hand. I felt hunger and guilt, and both elated and scared. I felt like I had an angel and a demon on my shoulder telling me what I should do and what I shouldn’t. The louder voice belonged to the demon, who told me give in to my animal instincts.
Panting and moaning, I felt nothing in my heart. There was just this immense need to own the boy and make him bend to my will. I wanted to corrupt whatever innocence was left in him. I wanted to own his soul.
I let his hands wander. We didn’t have to go all the way; I could let a little go at a time.
How else was I going to heal from everything that had happened to me?
Aaron’s hands gripped me firmly on my hips and he pulled me to my feet, his lips still clamped on mine. I started clawing at his shirt and biting him, relishing the fact that he was about to become mine.
Then something unexpected happened. One second I was standing there with passion radiating through my body, not giving a damn about anything but seducing this gorgeous blonde-haired boy. The next I was back in that alleyway behind the club, staring into the black eyes of my assailant. Before I knew it I had screamed and pushed Aaron away from me. Only it wasn’t Aaron I was seeing. It was John
.
Then, almost as abruptly, it was Aaron again, staring at me in astonishment. I collapsed to my knees, crying. I felt guilt, horrible guilt. But, at the same time, the need was still there. My internal battle just got fiercer, tearing me apart.
Aaron’s arms went round me. He kissed my forehead and assured me everything would be okay. I guessed that he had forgotten for a moment what had happened to me, that I was still likely to be plagued by unpleasant memories, that inside I was probably scared to death of any intimacy of a sexual kind. I supposed I should be thankful for that, for it was his lapse in sensitivity that, indirectly, had brought me back to earth.
“I forgot,” he said quietly, holding tightly onto me.
“It’s not your fault,” I mumbled, sniffing and trying to stop weeping.
“No, but when I saw you I wasn’t thinking.”
I let out a wet snort, and he kissed the top of my head again.
“Honestly,” he went on, “I don’t know what I was thinking. Hormones tend to have a mind of their own when your girlfriend shows up looking all sexy like that.”
Did he really just call me his girlfriend? I was definitely not ready for that. However, this was not the time for me to correct him.
“It’s okay. I wanted to,” I lied. “Then all I could see was him, and I felt so much fear.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at him. He touched my cheek gently and leaned down to put his lips to mine. The kiss was light and meant to be only reassuring, but it triggered a spark in my soul. I felt the darkness in me squeal, but I pushed it back and let the light through. Maybe it was the fact that he was trying so hard to comfort me after all that had just happened, or maybe it was just the fact that he made me feel safe.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and reciprocated the kiss. It deepened slowly. A slow warmth filled my heart, which until then had felt like an icy rock. What hadn’t felt right only moments before suddenly felt like the best thing in the world. It felt as if I would die without Aaron’s touch, without satisfying this incredible desire, without filling this empty void.
What happened over the next half hour was blurry and emotionally confusing. My body felt warm and invigorated, like it was being mended, being put back together, all scars erased. I reacted passionately to everything that Aaron did, yet I couldn’t help but close my eyes and think of my Wesley, my sweet, innocent Wesley. I could almost see him over me, his lips wearing that familiar smile and his eyes sparkling like I remembered them.
Except this wasn’t my Wesley. This wasn’t the boy my heart belonged to. Aaron was just a stand-in to keep my heart open. Only I didn’t want it open; I wanted it closed. I didn’t want to feel. Guilt washed over me once more as Aaron shuddered. As he was rolling onto his side, I knew that everything I had been feeling wasn’t to do with Aaron. I still longed for Wesley.
We lay there on the living room floor for an hour, my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and thinking. This wasn’t going to work if every time he touched me I thought of someone else. Just like that, the spell was broken.
“That was…” He paused and ran his hand up my spine. “That was amazing.” He kissed my shoulder.
“Yeah.” It was all I could say.
I closed my eyes and tried to keep my guilt in check. It didn’t matter what side of me he had got. He had got me, and I felt stupid. My heart hardened. Now all I could think of was escape.
“I wasn’t expecting it to be so… perfect,” he murmured blissfully.
“It wasn’t your first time, was it?" I asked, alarmed. If I had taken another boy’s innocence I would scream.
“Oh no, Dawn. No, there have been several before you. But I wouldn’t be lying if I said there is something special about you. You know, I could have sworn at one point your eyes turned black! I would sell my soul to do it again,” he added slyly.
Time seemed to slow and I felt something click in my brain. It was all so like what happened with Wesley all those months before. Only this time there was no woman screaming in my head, there was just silence. Dad was right: I needed to be more careful, otherwise I would hurt this boy. I may not feel anything for him, but I didn’t need him getting too emotionally involved. I sat up and grabbed my dress from the floor beside me, then struggled to get it on. Aaron looked confused but then picked up his own clothes and put them on slowly, watching my every move. I glanced at him.
Did he know? Did he know that while we were together I was thinking of Wesley? Of course he knew. How could he not?
“I need to get home,” I said quickly, pulling my hair up in a messy ponytail.
“Yeah… your dad gives me the creeps. I don’t want to be on his shit list,” he joked awkwardly.
I let him walk me to my car. He opened the door so that I could get in and then leaned in and gave me one last lingering kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him.
“I’ll be waiting.” He smiled and shut the door, leaving me to the thoughts in my head and Disturbed on the radio.
I had done the unspeakable. I had let a simple emotion get the best of me and now I felt feckless and guilty. I had wanted so much to possess Aaron, to own him. Instead of controlling myself as I should have done, I’d stopped fighting the urge and coldly used him to fulfill some inner fantasy about Wesley.
I willed the cold into my soul and vowed it wouldn’t happen again. I would keep myself shut off from any future temptation like that. Sleeping with other men wasn’t going to make Wesley go away. He was always going to be with me, always a part of me. Even through the cold and ice in my chest I still loved him. My lapse had just proven that, no matter what I did, his face would haunt me.
I should have listened to my father when he told me to be careful. This was what I got for not listening to him. Was this how he and Mona had wound up together in the first place?
I had to get home. It had all been too much for one day. I just needed to relax and let everything come to fruition.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Claiming Explained
When I pulled into our driveway I wasn’t sure what I would be faced with. A familiar silver truck sat in my spot and a familiar little girl was sitting on the tailgate, sobbing into her hands. I parked my car behind my mother’s and flew out of the driver’s seat, slamming the door, and rushed to the little girl.
“Melissa?”
She looked up at me with bloodshot eyes, then slid off the tailgate and threw herself into my arms, still sobbing. I put my arms around her and held her close.
Her tiny little frame was shaking uncontrollably.
“He’s gone, Dawn,” she whimpered.
“Who’s gone?” I asked, smoothing her hair in an attempt to soothe her.
“Wesley.”
It is difficult to describe the emotions that engulfed me. Panic, fear, and anger surged through me all at once. I gripped onto the child, my eyes filling with tears.
“What do you mean, gone?” I demanded, praying it wasn’t as bad as the images in my head said it was.
“All his stuff is gone. His clothes, his toothbrush, everything!”
“What happened, Melissa? Tell me everything.”
My hands were quivering, I was so scared. I assumed immediately that Wesley had run off with Miranda. How stupid could he be?
What had she done to him? Where was my Wesley?
I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from breaking into hysterics. My heart hurt like the stone that surrounded it was being chiseled through and broken into tiny bits of dust. The pain was so brutal I fell to my knees. I tasted the bitterness of blood in my mouth.
Melissa was standing over me, screaming, but all I could hear was the cracking of my stone heart. My mother came running out and grabbed me by my arms. She dropped me when I cried out in pain. I sprawled in the gravel, clutching my chest, while my mother raced back inside to fetch my father. He was out in a flash touching my face and then my chest whe
re my heart had stopped beating.
My heart had stopped beating!
He frowned. “Dawn?” His voice sounded muffled behind the sound of cracking stone.
I shook my head because no words would come out of my mouth.
“I need to get you inside,” he said. “It’s going to hurt, but I have to.”
I nodded and my father lifted me effortlessly. He carried me inside and laid me down on the couch where he could inspect me more closely. The cracking sound had stopped for the most part, but I still couldn’t feel my heart beating. I felt empty, like something valuable had been ripped from my chest and left me with just a hollow space.
“It’s alright, honey,” my father said, holding my face in his hands. “It will pass in a few minutes. You have already made it through the most excruciating part.”
He held my hand for another twenty minutes until the pain went away and I felt my heart slowly start to beat again.
“What was that?” I whispered finally.
My father’s expression darkened and he looked at my mother. “Angie, take Greg and Melissa to the kitchen for some tea and cake.”
He smiled at Melissa as my mother ushered them from the room. When they were gone he looked at me sternly.
“What you just experienced was absolute heartbreak.”
I looked at him like he had lost his mind.
What did he mean, heartbreak?
Nothing I’d read suggested it was supposed to feel like that.
He pursed his lips before speaking. “We feel it differently to humans because we are designed to deceive. So when someone deceives us, it tends to hurt a whole lot more. Now, I want your God’s honest answer on this one, Dawn.” He glared at me. “Did you sleep with that Wesley boy?”
I didn’t want to discuss the subject with my father. I couldn’t say yes, but I couldn’t say no. No would be a lie. Instead, I nodded at him slowly.
“Jesus Christ, Dawn.” He plunged his fingers into his hair. “And Aaron?”
Now that was even more of a touchy subject, so I looked away as he flung himself to his feet.
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