by Rachel Hanna
“So, when I was a police officer, I prided myself on taking care of the people of my community. Even the ones who did wrong, I treated with respect. I tried to never hurt anybody. Of course, I had to tackle people or handcuff them. That came with the job, but I always did it in the most respectful way I could no matter who they were or what they did.”
“I believe that about you.”
She could feel tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “And then there was that night. It was dark in the building, and the negotiators were outside trying to get him to give himself up. He just wouldn’t do it. In the back of my mind, I knew how many women he had raped, and I knew we couldn’t let him get out of there.”
“You don’t have to talk about this, Emma.”
“I walked down the dark hallway all by myself. I went in without any back up because I thought since I am small and pretty stealth, I could get in there. And I came around the corner, my gun drawn, and I was face-to-face with him. He had a gun on me, and I had a gun on him, and he had a hostage around in front of him in a chokehold.
“Oh my gosh…”
“It seemed like it lasted several minutes, but it was really only a few seconds. He yelled at me to drop the gun, and I yelled at him to drop his gun. And I could just see the look on that woman’s face. She was terrified. I knew he was crazy enough to just shoot her and me. And so I made a split second decision that I can’t take back. He obviously deserved to go to jail for the rest of his life, but I am the person who didn’t even want to step on a bug, and now I’ve taken a human life. I can’t take that back. It’s just permanently stuck there in my brain.”
“But you saved a human life. You saved that woman, Emma. And now she can live the rest of her life doing good things in the community. I’m sure she has a family that is very grateful for what you did that night.”
“I know logically that I did the right thing. My bosses all told me that I did the right thing. I even got a commendation for heroism, but I see his face. I see him laying on the ground when I go to sleep at night. I see what nobody else had to see, and I just can’t get it out of my mind. I wake up every night drenched in sweat, heart pounding. My own screaming wakes me up sometimes.”
Janine stood up walked over and hugged Emma around the neck. Emma leaned her head over onto Janine’s shoulder and just cried. She hadn’t cried since the night of the shooting. She’d kept it all inside, pushing it down until it was almost like a can of soda that someone had shaken up.
“I know what it’s like to have trauma, and I also know that you have to talk this out in a way that helps you get past it and forgive yourself. I would like for you to come to a support group with me. Even if you’re not ready to talk to a counselor yet, my support group for trauma survivors is wonderful.”
“I don’t know…”
“Emma, let this new start be a real new start. Don’t let it just be the place you’re running to in order to get away from what happened. Let people support you. These people understand. I promise.”
Finally, Emma felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders. She felt lighter just knowing that someone else knew her secret. The burden wasn’t hers alone to carry now.
“Do you feel differently about me now that you know?”
Janine shook her head. “Absolutely not. I feel like we’re sisters. We’ve both suffered trauma, and we’re both survivors. And I’m thriving now. You’re going to be thriving soon too. Just take my hand and let me help you.”
Emma looked down at Janine holding out her hand. Was it time for her to finally get past this? Was it time for her to open up and let other people in? She reached out and took Janine’s hand.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Janine said, smiling as tears rolled down her face too. She hugged Emma even tighter. “We’re going to do this together.”
Chapter 10
Julie was up bright and early ready for the spring festival. It was one of her favorite parts of the year because it meant that the warmer weather was being ushered in along with all of the tourists who would not only bring more money to the bookstore but also to the inn. Both of her businesses relied heavily on welcoming people to Seagrove.
The spring festival brought in tourists from all over the area, but also all of the locals. It was so great to see everyone in one place and take the time to relax and catch up on all of the town’s gossip. She had been sitting at the table for Down Yonder Books for the last couple of hours, handing out free bookmarks and discount coupons.
“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” her mother, SuAnn, asked as she walked up to the table. She picked up one of the bookmarks, looked at it and then scrunched her nose before setting it back down on the table. “Do people actually like those?”
“Yes, Mom. People like them. So how’s everything going at your table?”
SuAnn had quite a spread at her table with pound cakes, cupcakes and even German chocolate cake. She had been on a baking frenzy trying to get ready for the festival, and she was selling a lot from what Julie could tell from across the square.
“We can’t keep up with the pace! Darcy is sitting at the table now, and I think we’re almost out of peach pound cake. You know that’s everybody’s favorite.”
“Sounds like you better get back in the store and start baking.”
“Lord no! I was up until all kinds of ungodly hours last night baking. I’m done! If they want more, they can come to the store and buy it on Monday.”
“Mom, I want you to meet Charlotte McLemore.”
SuAnn smiled. “It’s truly an honor to meet you, Charlotte. I just love your books! The Magnolia Mystery series kept me up reading so much one night that I overslept the next morning. Good thing I own the place!” She slapped the table and laughed at her own joke.
“Well, thank you very much. It’s always so nice to meet my readers,” Charlotte said.
“And I heard my daughter here stuck her foot in her mouth before she knew who you were?” SuAnn looked at Julie and rolled her eyes.
“She just told the truth. Not everybody is going to like my books, just like I’m sure not everybody likes your baked goods.”
SuAnn stared at her. “Honey, I haven’t found anybody who hasn’t liked my cakes.”
“Down, mother.” Julie said.
“I didn’t mean to offend,” Charlotte said. She cut her eyes at Julie and smiled slyly. Julie liked Charlotte more and more the longer she knew her.
As SuAnn wandered off to probably harass somebody else, she looked over at Charlotte. “Sorry about her. We try to keep her corralled as much as possible, but she’s got a sharp tongue and no filter between her brain and mouth.”
“My mother is the same way. I love her to death, but I try not to take her out in public.”
Julie laughed. “And again, I hope you didn’t take any offense to what I said about your book. It was truly exhaustion speaking. Now that I don’t have to worry about my daughter’s wedding situation, I’m going to sit down and read that book every night until I finish it.”
Charlotte squeezed her arm. “Don’t do that. Use your life for stuff you enjoy, not for stuff you dread. Not everybody likes to read, and not everybody likes to read my books.”
“For somebody who has such a huge fan base, you sure do seem to take everything in stride.”
Charlotte shrugged her shoulders. “ You kind of have to when you’ve been through what I’ve been through.”
Julie cocked her head. “What you’ve been through?”
“You don’t know? I am a two-time cancer survivor. The last time was just a couple of years ago right before I wrote that book that you have been trying to read.”
Julie had had no idea.”Really? That’s amazing that you’re such a survivor.” She really did admire Charlotte even more now. Strong southern women were the people she most admired in the world, and she was thankful to be surrounded by them most of the time.
A reader walked up to the table and Charlotte stopped to take a picture with
her and sign a book. She then turned back to Julie. “I learned during that time that I can’t let little things get to me. I just have to live my life in the best, biggest way that I know how.”
“That’s very true. After all, we only get one life!”
“Some of us don’t believe that,” Janine said, walking up to the table.
“What are you talking about, sis?”
“Well, some people believe that we reincarnate over and over and live many lives. And the things that we go through here on earth might be because of things we didn’t learn in a past life.”
Julie rolled her eyes. “Charlotte, this is my sister, Janine. She’s a little woo-woo but we love her anyway.”
Janine slapped her on the shoulder. “Nice to meet you, Charlotte. I’ve heard wonderful things about your books.”
“Thank you.”
“I just came by to let you know that William is going to be in the boat parade later.”
“Oh yeah? Like the one we did at Christmas?”
“Very similar, I think. We will all gather along the marsh and the docks, and different boats will float by and throw candy and generally have a good time while we watch them pass.”
“That sounds fun. I grew up on boats, so I’d like to be a part of that if you all walk over there,” Charlotte said with a smile.
“Of course! We’ll head over as soon as we’re finished here.”
As Janine walked off, Julie looked around the square. She saw Dixie walking hand-in-hand with Harry, looking at different tables and picking up crafts people were selling. She saw Colleen and Tucker giggling under the tree like a couple of madly in love school children. Every so often, Tucker would feed Colleen a bite of ice cream and then they would laugh all over again.
And of course, she saw Meg and Christian with Vivi over by the face painting station. Vivi was getting a butterfly painted on her cheek, although she was squirming so much that there was no telling what it was going to look like when the poor volunteer was finished doing it.
And then there was Emma who was sitting at a table, handing out flyers and other information about the lighthouse. She seemed a little down today, but she was still doing her job and would occasionally smile and wave from across the way.
Julie truly loved her community. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for the people who had supported her and made her a part of them. When she had shown up in Seagrove, so broken and lost, she never imagined that these people would literally just fold her into their lives like she had always been there. She was no longer the newcomer. She was a full-fledged Seagrove resident and proud of it.
“You know, I’ve been working on a novel for over a year now. I’m sure authors hate when people tell them that, but since I think we’re sort of friends now…”
Charlotte smiled broadly. “I love to hear when people are writing books. The more creativity we have out in the world, the better. What’s it about?”
“Oh, I won’t bore you with it.”
“I want to know!”
Julie spent the next few minutes explaining the plot and her ideas for the rest of the book. Surprisingly, Charlotte sat and listened the whole time. Of course, she was probably just being nice, but Julie appreciated it all the same.
“You know, Julie, you’ve got a great idea there. I’d love to read a few pages if you don’t mind?”
“Really?”
“Sure!”
“I would be so honored if you would. Thank you, Charlotte.”
“I’ll take a look when we get back to the inn later. Will that work?”
“Of course!”
Emma sat behind the table trying her best to look happy as she greeted people that wanted to know more about the lighthouse. In reality, she was still very emotional after her conversation with Janine the night before.
Janine had apologized over and over for bringing it up when Emma had such a big day planned for the spring festival. But she told Janine that she was glad to finally have it out in the open. Not that she wanted everyone in town to know who she was, but Janine was her best friend in Seagrove right now, and she trusted her.
They had talked late into the night even after eating dinner. Janine shared more of her story, and Emma was glad to know that she wasn’t alone. She also felt much better about the details of what had happened, and she felt like she was already beating herself up less and less. Still, she struggled with the decision she’d been forced to make, and she wasn’t totally confident that a support group or a counselor would be able to help her come to terms with that.
After Janine left, she actually sent Steve a message apologizing for the way she reacted when he came to the cottage. She told him that she had loved him, but that she just wasn’t going to be the same person. She was going to be a better person, but she simply could not see herself with the life he wanted. She didn’t want to be in the security business, she didn’t want to work long enough to retire from the force. And she certainly didn’t want to be married to a police officer. It was something she didn’t want in her life anymore.
She had great respect for law-enforcement, and she always would. But being married to someone who came home every night dressed in uniform with stories about their day was just going to further traumatize her. He said he understood, and she felt like they finally cleared the air.
She had called Caroline and tried to explain what she was doing.
“You know I can refer you to someone, right?” Caroline had said, concern filling her voice.
“I know, and I appreciate that. But, I have to do what feels right for me. Taking baby steps is what feels appropriate right now.”
“And you’re sure you’re not moving back home?”
Emma laughed. “This is my home now. One day, I’ll invite you for a visit, and you’ll see why I love it. I’m okay, Caroline. I promise.”
Being a licensed clinical social worker, Caroline had been very concerned about her best friend, but when they hung up, Emma felt like she had proven to her that she was going to get the right kind of help now.
Janine told her all about the trauma support group that she sometimes attended, and it had really helped her. Janine seemed so put together now, so it was hard for Emma to picture her when she was in the midst of trying to recover from what happened to her.
This morning, she was just feeling all rung out, like she needed a very long nap followed by a big tub of ice cream. She didn’t get the chance to really rest after her conversations, and she was looking forward to a very quiet night at home after the festival.
“How’s everything going?” Janine asked. She had been flitting about, here and there, showing people different yoga poses and inviting them to classes. Emma loved to watch her work. She couldn’t believe how incredibly flexible she was, and everybody in town seemed to know Janine. With her head full of thick, curly hair, it was hard to miss her.
“Really good. I’ve met a lot of nice people, and I have recited every single lighthouse fact that I know.”
Janine chuckled. “I’m sure you’re feeling a little worn out today? This will all be over soon, and we can go watch the boat parade.”
“Boat parade? You mean there’s more?” Emma wanted to lay her head on the table and cry quietly.
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t last long. But I have to go support William because he’s in it. It’s good for business.”
“Then I’ll be there. I wouldn’t want William to think I’m not a team player.”
Janine laughed. “Well, I better go grab some more flyers. Got to fill up those yoga classes!” she said as she trotted off.
Emma was so happy to have found a place like Seagrove. She felt like she’d won the lottery. Were there other towns like this across the United States that nobody talked about but were perfect little pieces of heaven? She almost didn’t want to tell anyone where she lived for fear that everyone would want to move there. She imagined that there was a delicate balance in a town like this, and she hoped that it n
ever ended up on one of those lists in a magazine saying it was America’s best small town.
There was nothing more beautiful than seeing the sunset over the lowcountry marshes. As William stared out over the marsh grass that was slightly blowing in the wind, he thought about how many years of his life he’d spent in this water. Fishing, boating, and occasionally falling in and swimming back to the boat. So many good memories as a kid, and so many new memories that he got to make every day.
As he floated along, he stood up and started waving to the crowds that were forming on shore. Up ahead, he would surely see his mom, Janine and the rest of the crew.
He was thankful to have all of their support even when he had made such rash decisions like opening the boat charter service. Everybody had supported him, and that was just how they were. Supportive. He didn’t surround himself with anyone who made him feel like his dreams were stupid, least of all Janine.
She supported everything he did, every idea he had, even the stupid ones. And he just felt terrible that the two times he had tried to propose to her, something had happened to interrupt them. She must think that he’s crazy by now.
He could see her up ahead, her curly hair blowing in the breeze. As usual, she was smiling and clapping and waving, her perky personality always coming through. And in that moment, he was filled with such gratitude and love that it was almost overwhelming. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he looked at her off in the distance.
And that’s when he realized what he had to do. There was no more waiting, no more orchestrated romantic moments. Life was about those spontaneous moments, the ones that became memories that stayed with you forever.
So as the boat came closer to the dock where Janine and everyone she knew was standing, he cut the motor to his boat so that he could slow down.
“There’s my man!” Janine yelled, waving and blowing kisses at him. And as he came closer up to the dock, he went down on one knee and called to her.
“Janine, will you marry me?” he yelled as loud as he could. He held up the little black box that had stayed in his pocket since the first night he tried to propose. Janine stood there, stunned, her eyes wide.
