Tears burned at the back of my eyes. I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, but Kevin knew. “Talk to me, Sabrina.”
“Did you know he has a daughter?” Kevin shook his head, but remained silent. “She’s adorable and Dan is absolutely wonderful with her. I’ve been watching them together and sometimes I’m almost convinced…” I couldn’t continue.
“Convinced of what?”
“That he’s changed,” I confessed.
“Maybe he has.”
“Do you really think that’s possible?”
“I’m not the one who has to believe it. You are.” He stared into my eyes, driving his point home. “Do you think he’s capable of change?”
I thought about that for a minute. “We all change to some extent. We grow up, our thoughts and ideas change, but I think that fundamentally we remain the same.” Kevin arched a brow, silently asking where I was going with my little speech. “Kevin, he screwed around on me during our entire relationship and thought nothing of it. I mean, that line he threw at me when I confronted him still pisses me off.”
The last time Kevin and I had discussed this was ten years ago, just after the fact. I was too busy being consoled to ask Kevin’s opinion. Better late than never. “Do you believe that?”
“Believe what?” Kevin asked, warily. I could tell he knew what I was talking about, he was just hoping he was wrong.
“That there are girls you fuck and girls you marry,” I answered, matter-of-factly.
Kevin flinched, but I’m not sure if it was because I dropped the F-bomb or that he dreaded answering the question. He stared at the tablecloth, seemingly fascinated with its pattern. It was taking him forever to speak, and I started to wonder if he was going to answer at all. Finally, he lifted his head and looked me in the eye.
“To a point, yes, I believe that.” I couldn’t hide my shock at his words. He raised his hand in a “slow down” gesture. “Hold on, Sabrina. Hear me out before you freak out.” I sat back in my chair and crossed by arms across my chest. My toe tapped a rapid tattoo against the tile floor as I awaited his explanation.
“Of course there are girls out there a guy would fool around with but not marry, but generally they’re the girls who wouldn’t want to get married anyway. I’m sure it’s the same for women. Haven’t you ever dated someone who you would never think of getting serious about?”
Since Dan, I haven’t really thought of getting serious with anyone, but I chose not to mention that fact at this point in time. Plus I don’t really want to discuss my sex life with my brother.
“Sure I have, and I understand that. But tell me, would you commit yourself to a ‘girl you marry’ and then fool around with ‘a girl you fuck’? I mean, before you married Maggie, did you fool around behind her back?”
“No, I’ve never been unfaithful to Maggie, before or after our wedding. I haven’t even looked at another woman since the day I met her. But that’s just me. I could never look Maggie in the eye—or myself in the eye, for that matter—if I cheated on her.” Kevin straightened and cleared his throat. “Some guys think it’s okay to fool around, especially before marriage.”
My heart felt like it was trapped in a vise and my stomach flip-flopped. I suppose part of me had wanted Kevin’s reassurance that Dan could change, but the opposite had happened. His words only served to point out the fact that some men have scruples while others are morally bankrupt. Unfortunately for me, Dan falls into the latter category.
“Talk to him,” Kevin said. “To give you closure, if nothing else. We both know you’ve never dealt with the whole mess. One minute you were comatose in your room and the next you were back to normal. It just doesn’t happen that way.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Talk to him. Find out why he did it.” Squeezing my hand to emphasize his point, he added, “I’m not sticking up for him here, but you never gave him a chance to explain.”
“What is there to explain?”
He shrugged. “Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I don’t know and neither do you until you speak to him. I was here all those times he called and showed up begging to see you. Seems to me like he had something to say.”
Footsteps sounded on the front porch, alerting us to someone’s imminent arrival. “That’s my best advice, but you have to do what’s right for you.”
“Thanks, Kev,” I said, just as the screen door screeched open and my mother entered the kitchen.
Kevin leaned forward and whispered, “Call if you need me.”
16
Sabrina
After all was said and done, the trip home hadn’t been totally horrendous. I got to visit with my parents, saw some people I hadn’t seen in a long time, and managed to get some good advice from Kevin. Whether I take said advice is a whole other story.
Just the thought of bringing up the subject with Dan makes me nauseated. Yet, I drove back to Dan’s house confidently knowing the choice is mine. Unfortunately, my confidence only lasted until I turned into his driveway and made my way toward the house. The feeling of homecoming hit me like a Mack truck and scared me half to death.
“Sabrina, Sabrina, Sabrina!” Lexi ran out of the house to greet me. “You’re back, you’re back, you’re back!” She threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
“Hey Lex, how’s it going?” I tried to sound casual, but I really had missed her. How am I going to handle it when I leave for good?
“Did you have a good time at home?”
“Sure did,” I said as I peeled her off me and retrieved my bag from the car. “What did you do this weekend?”
Lexi placed her hand in mine as we walked toward the house. “Daddy took me out to dinner last night.”
“That sounds nice.”
“It was. Then we went to the movies.”
“Now I’m jealous,” I replied as I opened the front door and stepped inside.
“Maybe we can all go out for ice cream tonight,” she offered, eagerly.
“That sounds great, but I don’t think so.” I tucked her hair behind her ear then patted her shoulder. My mother used to do the same thing to me when I was a little girl. Recognizing the maternal gesture, I snapped my hand back.
“I want your dad to get in a therapy session so his leg doesn’t freeze up.”
“No rest for the wicked, I guess,” Dan said, from the hallway.
I allowed my eyes to take a lazy tour of him. Damn he looks good.
“You said it, not me.” I laughed. “Give me five to unpack and we can get started,” I said. “That is, if you’re not busy.” My statement came out more like a question.
“I’m free, but don’t you want to relax or eat or something?”
“I just came from my mother’s house. I won’t have to eat for a week.”
Dan chuckled and leaned against the wall. “Does she still make enough to feed an army?”
I nodded. “She always says she’d rather have too much than not enough.” Dan’s voice blended with mine on the last few words of my mother’s favorite mantra.
I looked down at the floor and cleared my throat. What he had just done seemed somehow intimate and made me feel uncomfortable. “I’ll meet you downstairs in five minutes.”
Dan narrowed his gaze and stared at me for the space of several heartbeats before nodding. Wanting to escape the sudden tension between Dan and myself, I turned and ran up to my room. I threw both my bag and myself onto the bed and attempted to slow my racing heart.
Why does he affect me this way? Why is the air between us always so charged?
Whatever the reason, I have to steel myself against him and it. My conversation with Kevin convinced me of that more than anything. Dan’s charm and sweetness can’t make up for the fact that he just doesn’t believe in the same things I do. Namely fidelity.
Feeling in control again, I changed into shorts and a t-shirt and made my way down to the gym.
Lexi’s screeching laughter greeted me as I reached the bottom stair
. I entered the gym to find her stretched out over Dan’s head as he bench-pressed her. She giggled in delight as his arms thrust her up and down.
“Hey Sabrina,” Lexi yelled before Dan pulled her back down to his chest.
He glanced at me before pushing her up once again. “One more and I’m through,” he said, attempting to sound out of breath when it was obvious he was anything but. He pushed her up over his head. “Okay kiddo, we’re done here.”
“Daddy,” Lexi chuckled. “You have to let me down.”
“What?” He looked up at her, feigning innocence.
“Daaaaddddyyyy,” Lexi said, through a laugh.
Dan lowered her to his face and kissed her forehead before arching his arms behind his head and setting her on the floor. “Why don’t you go find Jeff?” he said. “I’ll be up when I’m done here.”
Lexi’s eyes darted between Dan and me. She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. “I’m pretty tired. I might go to bed.”
Dan’s brow furrowed as Lexi kissed him on the cheek. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked.
I personally thought that was a silly question since she had just been laughing her head off. But then, I’m not a parent.
“I’m okay, just tired.” She bounced over and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Dan watched her walk out of the room, his brow wrinkled. When he turned his gaze to me, the frown faded somewhat. “Did she look all right to you?”
“She looked fine,” I said as I walked to the freezer and removed an ice cup. He still looked concerned when I returned to his side, so I added, “She’s probably just tired.”
“Not likely.”
I’m not sure what he meant by that, and I didn’t ask. I felt his eyes on me as I peeled the excess Styrofoam from the cup, then knelt and removed his knee brace.
“So how’s everybody at home?” he asked, while I rubbed ice over his knee.
“Great.” I focused on the task at hand instead of the man in front of me. “They all say hi.”
“Really?” I nodded. “Huh.”
After I finished icing his knee, I worked him through some range of motion exercises. “How does it feel?” I asked, wiping my hands on a crisp, white towel.
“Better every day.” I arched my brow. “Seriously, I feel improvement all the time.”
“How’s the pain?”
He shrugged. “Depends on what I’m doing, but at least it doesn’t throb all the time like it used to.”
“How does it feel when you work out?”
“Sore, but not unbearable.”
I questioned him some more as we worked through his routine. I watched as his range of motion decreased toward the end and stopped him. “That’s enough for now,” I said.
“I can do more.” His boyish eagerness made me smile.
“Not tonight.” He looked upset. “Dan, I don’t want you to overdo it,” I explained. “Slow and steady is the best way to build strength. You’re doing great. We’ll have you back on the field in no time.”
“Promise?” I knew he was teasing, but answered anyway.
“Cross my heart.” I made the symbol over my chest with my index finger. My cheeky reply seemed to please him. I iced his knee and replaced the brace. “All done.”
“Did they really say hi?”
“Who?”
“Your family. Did they really say hi?”
“Would I have said that if they didn’t?” I snapped.
“Don’t freak on me,” he said calmly. “I’m just surprised. I figured they’d all hate me.”
I looked him straight in the eye, allowing him to see my anger.
“They don’t know why we broke up, Dan. Well, Kevin does, but not Mom and Dad.”
“Kevin knows?”
“Why do you keep questioning what I say?” I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Yes, Kevin knows.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t beat me to a pulp.”
“He did offer to pound the shit out of you,” I felt tremendous satisfaction in saying.
“So why didn’t he?”
“I told him not to.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Why?”
“Why, do you want him to do it? He told me the offer still stands.”
Dan chuckled. He actually had the audacity to chuckle. “He could probably do it, too.” His eyes twinkled. “I’m glad Kevin still looks out for you.”
I wanted to yell at him, tell him his remark was chauvinistic and that I can take care of myself but, truth be told, I don’t know what I’d do without Kevin. “Yeah, Kevin’s the best,” I said instead. “I guess I’ll head up to my room. I’ll see you tomorrow at nine o’clock sharp.”
“Bri, we have to talk.”
I tensed. “No, we don’t.”
“Yes, we do.” I narrowed my eyes and Dan must have realized that I wouldn’t budge on the point. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “If not about us, then about Lexi.”
“There is no us, and don’t think you’re going to use your daughter to get to me. It won’t work.”
At least I hope it won’t work.
His expression hardened. “I would never use Lexi like that,” he gritted out through clenched teeth.
“No, I don’t suppose you would,” I admitted, feeling small for making the accusation. “What did you want to tell me about Lexi?”
“She’s gotten pretty attached to you.” His expression sobered, his eyes reflecting the significance of the topic. I nodded, urging him to continue. “I talked with her this weekend, but I’m not sure I got through.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That you’re not staying. I told her you’d be leaving in a few weeks.” He flashed an adorable smile. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
“I’ll be leaving as soon as I think you’re ready.”
“I’ll never be ready for you to leave,” he said, deliberately misinterpreting my words.
“When I think you’re healed enough, I’ll leave,” I clarified.
“At any rate, I tried to explain to her that you’ll be leaving.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to stand up in a sexy, disheveled mess. “She asked if you’d call this time.”
“This time?” Dan nodded.
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure, but those were her exact words.”
“Do you think she’s upset that I didn’t call her while I was away?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe.” He opened his mouth to say something else but shut it, trapping the words inside.
“What?” His green eyes looked wary. “What were you going to say?” I asked.
“Just…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When you’re leaving, when you do leave for good, could you please somehow soften the blow? As corny as it sounds, be gentle?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Maybe text her, or at least let her email you. Call her a few times.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I’m not your favorite person in the world, and I can understand that, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t just vanish on her. She’s way too attached to you at this point. I’m sure that as time goes by, you’ll be able to fade out of the picture.” He looked at me once again, obviously awaiting an answer.
My thoughts were so jumbled, I had to sort through them before I spewed everything out all at once. On one hand, his concern for Lexi is very endearing. I know how much pride Dan has and how difficult it must have been for him to ask what he just did. On the other hand, what kind of monster does he think I am? Does he think I’d just drop Lexi like a hot potato once this assignment is done? My anger won out over the softer emotions.
“Dan, my relationship with Lexi has nothing to do with you. My feelings for you, good or bad, have nothing to do with my feelings for her. If she wants me to text, I’ll text. If she wants me to call, I’ll call. If she wants me to visit, I’ll even d
o that.” Realizing who I was speaking to, I added, “If you don’t have a problem with it, that is.”
“No, I don’t have a problem with it.” He shook his head as he spoke. “Thank you. I just don’t want her hurt.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Lexi is a sweet little girl and I’ve really come to care about her. You must really think I’m a bitch if you think I’d intentionally hurt her.”
He rubbed the back of his neck again and groaned. “Are you deliberately misinterpreting everything I say?”
“What did I misinterpret?”
“Sabrina, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just not sure how to handle this whole situation.”
“Why is this different than any other time?”
He looked at me like I was insane. “There hasn’t been another time.”
“What about the women you date? Or hasn’t she met any of them?” I wanted to bite my tongue for letting those questions slip out. I don’t want to discuss his love life.
“There haven’t been any women.”
“Give me a break.” I rolled my eyes and when they met his again, I was mortified to find that I’d actually spoken those words out loud. Judging by the look on his face, he was just as shocked, but slowly his eyes crinkled with amusement.
“I always could count on you to tell it like it is,” he said, dryly.
“I didn’t mean to say that.” I felt my face flush.
“Why were you even thinking it?”
He cannot be this obtuse.
“Dan, I find it hard to believe that you’ve been celibate since Lexi’s mother left.”
“No, I haven’t been,” he admitted. “But I haven’t really had a serious girlfriend since then. I mean, there have been women I’ve spent time with, but that’s usually when I’m on the road.” He paused and looked me in the eye, as if trying to decide if he should go on. Then he nodded and continued. “I don’t think Lexi should be exposed to women I’m not serious about. And besides, whether you want to believe it or not, I’ve changed. I’m not the same indiscriminate jerk I used to be.”
A thousand scathing replies popped into my head, but thankfully I didn’t utter any of them out loud. Again, I don’t want to hear about his love life. “Good for you,” I said, trying to sound sincere instead of sarcastic. Judging by the look on his face, I wasn’t very successful. Needing the conversation to be over, I added, “At any rate, I’ll do my best not to hurt Lexi when I leave. I’ll see you tomorrow at nine.”
On the Mend (Carolina Waves Series Book 1) Page 11
