by Nina Manning
‘So how did you know that she was lying?’
‘Apart from the amateur performance? Well, when I went outside for a fag – that was when I smoked; I gave up two years ago – I saw her, on the other side of the road, laughing into her phone and clearly in no rush to get to a phantom car crash.’
I stretched my mouth out. ‘My God, that’s terrible. Sorry. Your ego must have been severely damaged.’
‘That was the hardest part to recover from, I must admit. But still, life goes on and here I am. Having a drink with you – two drinks so far – and you haven’t tried to leg it.’
‘Not yet. But if you switch to drinking Cinzano and lemonade and try to drag me to a karaoke bar, I may make a swift exit.’
Calvin laughed. ‘No chance of that.’
We carried on drinking and laughing, and by about midnight I was well and truly hammered. Although I hadn’t realised it until I tried to stand, and Calvin had to reach his hand out to stop me from falling.
We made it outside and I leant against the wall to catch my breath.
‘Oh sorry, you must… think… me… such… a lie way…’
Calvin leaned against the wall next to me. ‘Absolutely not, I think you rivalled me with your drinking. I’m sure you overtook me at one point.’
‘Shhhhor–ly not.’
Calvin stood up and pulled me towards him. ‘I should call you a cab.’
He touched my chin gently and began to slowly move towards me with his lips parted. I shot a glance over his shoulder and there he was, just behind Calvin, standing and staring at me with his black baseball cap pulled just enough over his eyes so I couldn’t see them. I jerked away from Calvin’s kiss and stumbled to the side, searching behind him for the figure, but there was no one there.
I slouched down against the wall. I could feel a hand around my wrist, the pain seared through my body, and as the panic set in and gripped my body I froze. It was how I had always remembered it, the hold around my wrist, pulling me until eventually I stopped all movement, closed my eyes and waited until I could open them again, to be told it was all a dream. But, of course, that never happened. It was never a dream. It was all so very real.
‘Sorry, it was too much – I’m sorry, you’re drunk, I’m drunk. I should know better at my age, for goodness’ sake. Please accept my apology, I’m going to call you that cab.’ Calvin started rooting about in his pocket for his phone.
‘No, it’s not you,’ I said, although I still wasn’t entirely sure if I could have gone through with a kiss.
‘I need to—’
‘Go? Yes, I know.’ Calvin was tapping away on his phone, then he put his phone in his pocket. ‘They’ll be here in a minute. Listen, Regi, I’m really sorry. I really like you and I shouldn’t have done that. It was really stupid.’
‘No, it’s fine, I… I…’ I looked around, trying to see where the figure had gone, he was just there. And so vividly. ‘I had a nice time, Calvin. I want you to know that.’ I spoke as slowly as I could so I could get the words out.
‘It’s fine, honestly. I don’t need you to say anything.’ He crouched down to my level. ‘You have my number, and if, you know, you ever do manage to think of that book-club choice, let me know – we can have a read-along.’
I tried to snort out a laugh, but it just came out like a painful cry.
‘Hey, look, your cab’s here.’ Calvin stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up to his level, our faces precariously close again, but whatever that had nearly been was gone. He pushed some notes into my hand. ‘Put it towards the fare.’
I looked at the kindness in his eyes, but then all I could see was the face of the person who was behind the black baseball cap, who seemed to be everywhere. Never letting me be. Never letting me forget.
Instagram post: 10th May 2019
Hi guys, I know some of you have been having a moan about me posting ads, and, well, I counted up the ads out of all the posts I have done and it works out at roughly two a month. Which I think is just fine. In my opinion, a few people need to think about the positives in life. I just wanted to clear that up.
And so on with the positive vibes.
We are almost into summer now, so I wanted to talk you through some of my favourite products that I have discovered recently. These are all super kind to the environment, so I think you will love them as much as I do.
There they are all lined up in the photo and I have tagged the company who makes them as well so you can head straight to their webpage and discover them all for yourselves.
Keep up the cleaning and enjoy this lovely weather.
Mrs C x
#summersnearlyhere #adsarenotbad #cleaning #mrsclean
89,445 likes
ninetoone Enjoy your day as well, Mrs C. Love your work.
empalmer09 Can we see some pictures of you please? What do you look like?
lucybest65 Some people want to remain anonymous cos they are obviously hiding something.
ktdonners It wouldn’t matter if she revealed every aspect of her life. You lot would still have something nasty to say. She can’t win either way, can she?
lucybest65 Maybe she should have thought about that before she started this whole thing.
20
Now
My hangover still hadn’t shifted by lunchtime the next day. So on top of a raging headache, I also felt empty after the date. Calvin was a nice guy and we had had fun. But in hindsight, there was no attraction there, and I was sure the feelings were mutual on his part as well. I had enjoyed feeling normal for those few hours until we got outside and then I can’t recall exactly what happened. Was I just too drunk and imagined who I saw behind Calvin? I couldn’t shake the hollow feeling, as though the whole experience had been a little pointless. I knew I wasn’t looking for love, and yet I went anyway. To appease others – Karen, in particular – but also so I looked as though I were a normal person, just getting on with my life.
I lay in bed and opened up Instagram to try to soothe my racing thoughts. I had not had any reply to my comment from lucybest65 on Mrs Clean’s account. I wasn’t sure what annoyed me more: her initial comment or not replying to mine.
It had been so long since I had been caught up with real emotions involving people, that I was shocked at my own responses. I had begun to feel things from opposite ends of the spectrum. Right now, I felt anger. Angry at lucybest65.
Calvin had kindly texted me early Saturday morning to check I was okay, and by Monday morning as I was getting myself ready for my first lecture of the day, I felt ready to reply to his text.
I’m sorry, I’m just not ready.
I had thought I was going to be fine, But I had to get rip-roaring drunk to navigate my way through the date. And that was no way to start a relationship.
His reply came in swiftly afterwards.
It’s okay, I understand. It was just good to meet you. Perhaps we can still do our book club, but online?
Then he gave me his Twitter and Facebook handles and signed off with ‘take care’ and a kiss.
I smiled at the sincerity, and I knew it was all probably for the best. A relationship was not what I needed. I was perfectly happy with Instagram. It seemed to give me exactly what I needed in terms of reward systems for my brain.
The room was beginning to feel hot, so I opened the window just an inch to let in some air.
But as soon as I did, I could hear it, the pained sobs of the little boy next door, and my heart immediately began to tug; the sound of his cries were a physical pain in my stomach. I needed to scoop him up and I felt an overwhelming maternal instinct kicking in. I sat with my head in my hands. I decided enough was enough. The poor little helpless child next door was obviously being abused or neglected in some way.
I would do what I knew I needed to do.
I stripped and re-made my bed with clean sheets, locked and unlocked the window six times and lined up four loose pound coins in a row in perfect symmetry. The
n I padded downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone else.
As I approached the bottom of the stairs, I heard two hushed voices; Steve’s and someone else’s. I crept quietly towards the kitchen and stopped suddenly as I heard the hushed tones become strained, as though an argument was erupting, but they didn’t wish to be heard. I edged a little closer, but it was no use, I couldn’t hear anything of what was being said. I didn’t have any time to waste, so I walked into the kitchen to see Sophia and Steve who were stood near to one another in the corner near the pantry. Sophia was still in her nightgown and silk dressing gown. Steve was in a T-shirt and joggers. He had obviously slept here last night. Karen, although she was clearly still angry with me, had made a conscious effort to not let Steve let himself in when she wasn’t here. Steve took a wide step backwards and looked sheepishly over at me. Sophia was now busying herself with taking out a jar of jam from the pantry. I cleared my throat and went to the fridge to take out some oat milk.
‘Morning, all,’ I said casually.
‘Hiya,’ Sophia said. She pulled her dressing gown tighter around her, readjusting the tie around her waist.
Steve skirted past me, and Sophia called after him.
‘I’ll keep thinking of ideas – hopefully we can come up with a good birthday present between us.’
Steve gave me a quick look before he made it to the door and left.
‘Birthday?’ I said to Sophia as I filled the kettle.
‘Yep, Karen’s.’ Sophia sat down at the table. ‘Stick enough in there for me.’
I filled the kettle to just under halfway.
‘When is it her birthday?’ I took two mugs down from the cupboard.
‘August.’
‘August? Planning early then?’
‘Well, not really, things get booked up really quickly, plus this is Karen we’re talking about here, she’s… like a sister to me.’ Sophia’s voice caught and I thought I saw tears well up in her eyes.
‘Right,’ I said and leant against the counter. ‘Efficiency.’
‘Is there enough in there for me?’ Karen walked into the kitchen and pointed at the kettle. ‘Hey, Soph, I haven’t seen you all weekend. Is everything okay?’
Sophia fell into a chair and looked up. Her eyes were pooled with tears, and she quickly brushed one away that had escaped.
‘God yeah, I’m fine. It’s just this year, it’s hard. I just popped back to Mum and Dad’s on Friday, just for a change of scenery. Sometimes I get sick of looking at the same four walls. How was your weekend?’ Then Sophia looked at me. ‘Oh shit, Regi, your date, how did it go?’
Karen took my hot water, poured her tea, gave Sophia’s shoulder a quick squeeze and headed upstairs. I was slightly perturbed that Karen wasn’t staying to listen, as she was the one who was so keen to get me off to market in the first place.
I watched Karen leave. I took out a bowl and some bran flakes, then I sat down at the table. ‘I, er, got a bit drunk.’ I tried to force a smile, but all I could see was the figure in the baseball cap lurking behind Calvin as he bent to kiss me. ‘He was nice, but, I dunno, as a friend maybe.’
‘Well done, you – you did it, you went out and met someone new. That’s great. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t hit it off, it was your first date. I mean, no one really hits it off on a first date…’ Sophia trailed off and looked out of the window. ‘Only a select few at least. I think I’ll…’ She stood up. I looked at her away with her own thoughts. ‘I’m just going to get dressed.’ She stopped and rested her hand on my shoulder. ‘I’ll skip that tea. Everything okay with you, though?’
‘Yes, all good. Except…’
‘What?’
‘Well, I’ve got these concerns about the neighbour’s child. I think they are mistreating him.’
Sophia looked appalled. ‘Oh God, really, how?’
‘Well, I don’t know exactly. I just know he cries, like all the time.’
‘Really? I never hear it?’
‘I don’t know, maybe my ears are predisposed to it, so there’s the crying and I’ve noticed that they don’t let him outside, ever, and the couple argue loads, and I have seen the mum being a bit too physical with him, you know, grabbing him and pulling him back inside. I don’t know, something about it just doesn’t feel right.’
Sophia nodded. ‘Sure. I get it. What do you want to do?’
‘Well, I’m going to call social services this morning. Get someone to go over there and check it out.’
I saw a small frown form across Sophia’s forehead. She swallowed. ‘Social services, wow, okay. Well, if you think that’s best. Let me know how you get on.’ She patted my shoulder and left the room, I couldn’t help noticing with a slight hunch.
I left the house half an hour early so I could get to the café in the mews and order my favourite coffee.
It had been a while since I had been in there, and when I entered I couldn’t see any sign of Heather. I approached the counter and a young man with dark hair asked me if he could help me.
‘Erm, is er, Heather here?’
‘Umm.’ He looked confused for a second. ‘Oh, dark hair?’
‘Yes.’ I nodded at his vague description.
‘Oh, she left.’
‘What, for good?’
‘Yep, she left last week, gone home to…’ He scratched his head. ‘I dunno, somewhere.’
‘Oh.’ I felt myself deflate at the prospect at having to describe my exact coffee to this young man who wasn’t showing much promise at retaining information.
‘I’ll just take a bottle of water and a chocolate twist,’ I said glumly, already mourning the lost coffee.
I left the coffee house and collided with someone.
‘Oh God, I’m so sorry…’ I trailed off. ‘I…’
Instantly, I recognised the woman as my neighbour. The very woman I was about to contact social services over.
She stopped and looked at me, and there was a flash of recognition in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but then she walked on.
For a second afterward, I wanted to run after her and ask her if everything was okay, but I stopped myself. I had seen and heard too much already. Even the nicest-looking people could be abusive, and I knew I couldn’t take any chances.
I arrived at college just after 9 a.m. for my seminar at ten. I knew I needed to make the call, and so I took my phone out of my bag and hit the phone icon from the website and waited to be connected.
I sat on the grass ten minutes later feeling slightly bereft and wondering if I had done the right thing.
‘Hello, Regi, fancy seeing you here.’ Will stood over me, and I shaded my eyes from the sun. I realised as I looked around, I was in the spot we had first sat in together.
‘How are you?’
I felt a simmering in my gut, I couldn’t stop thinking about the phone call I had just made to social services. It felt like a huge thing, and I needed time to process that. And now Will had arrived, looking rugged with his shiny, bright eyes.
He got himself settled just to the right of me; not directly in my eyeline, nor directly beside me.
‘I’ve got no lessons to teach until eleven, so I thought I’d come in and get ahead of myself. How about you?’
‘I… I…’ I was thinking about my breath and how I needed to calm myself down. I settled for, ‘Me too.’
‘It’s a gorgeous day, isn’t it? We’ve been really lucky with the weather.’ The sun was behind me and Will smiled at me with a slight squint. I wondered if I should move. ‘Did you manage to sign up for the exhibition?’
‘Yes, I did.’ I felt the tightness in my chest evaporate slightly. ‘I signed up the other day – I’m really looking forward to it.’ I thought about the photos on my phone and the notebook I had been filling with ideas and I realised I really was looking forward to getting stuck into a project.
‘Great, you can stay behind after hours if you like – they are keeping the art rooms open until ten from now
onwards.’
‘Oh right.’ I thought about all that space and time to create, away from the hustle and bustle of normal college hours. It sounded idyllic. ‘That would be great, actually. I could start tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, do it – make the most of the space and time.’
‘Yeah, I think I might.’
‘Hey, listen, I’m going to shoot because I was going to give myself a bit of extra time to prepare for this lesson.’ Will stood up. ‘Take care, Regi, and I’ll see you soon, yeah?’ He lifted his hand in a small wave.
I was expecting him to talk about a drink again, but he didn’t. I wondered why he didn’t. But then I thought it didn’t matter because all the while Will had been talking, I hadn’t thought about breathing. My chest felt lighter, and for a few glorious minutes, everything had felt… normal.
21
Now
Back at the house that evening I began to sense an atmosphere, more so than just Karen giving me the evil eye. We were all gathered in the garden, taking in the last of the afternoon sun. Sophia was stretched out on a reclining deck chair, huge sunglasses engulfed her face. Mini was perched on a chair she’d dragged out of the summerhouse and was trying to get music from her phone to come through a mini boom box. Karen was fiddling with a stray piece of thread on her summer dress, which she had put on as the weather had suddenly become so warm.
Sophia had now become quieter and more sullen and always with a faraway look in her eye. Karen was making occasional small talk, aimed at no one in particular, and Mini was her usual self, if not a little more restrained, I thought, or maybe I was imagining it. I had thought about the pregnancy test a lot over the last few days and after I had seen Steve and Sophia in the kitchen together, I wondered if he had confided in Sophia and it was indeed Karen who was pregnant. It would certainly explain her mood swings.
