“Lukas, slow down…” I groaned.
He ignored me and insisted we keep moving as Watchers entered the tavern, observing the damage. I searched for Keanu amongst the new faces, but again without any luck.
Lukas continued to lead me until we stood outside the tavern. I leaned over, inhaling as much of the night’s air as possible. I groaned at the thought of vomiting, but Lukas waited patiently while I gulped down the saliva building up in my mouth.
I stood straight again. The breeze chilled my skin, and I looked back at the tavern. The fire had not destroyed the building, but the interior of the structure had definitely seen better days.
A crowd surrounded the tavern. People whispered and murmured, and several of them stared directly at me and Lukas. I recognized some of the women Keanu had engaged with now stood amongst the crowd.
A figure emerged from the shadows and stepped into he light, revealing to be none other than Keanu. He, unlike Lukas, looked untouched by the tragedy that had struck the tavern on this night. Sweat covered his face, but otherwise he was spotless.
I could not recall having ever seen Keanu once the fire started. I had only ever heard Lukas’s voice calling out to me. Where had he been during the commotion? Had he gone for help and left Lukas to find me?
“Clara,” Lukas said, ignoring Keanu’s reappearance entirely, “What you did in there…”
I turned to him and waited for him to say it. I only remembering extending my hand to attack the man. Had one spell been enough to kill him? Had my own magic saved me, or had someone else stepped in?
He winced. “By the time I found you… Your eyes were black. Solid black. You looked… possessed. You struck the man with such force…”
My jaw dropped. Ezra had told me about the spirit that had protected me from Elias. The same spirit that had protected me when my bedroom caught on fire. However, Lukas mentioned no spirit. The way he described it was like I had done it all on my own, and I remembered having control. I had never been able to control the spirit in the past.
I looked down at my trembling hands. Who was I becoming? What was I becoming?
Lukas held my hands, pulling them close to his chest.
In a whisper he said, “Do no tell the Watchers. Tell no one. This is only for the Council to know, and even then we must be cautious.”
“What does it mean?” I asked, horrified by his own response.
“I… I don’t know,” Lukas said, lowering his head.
The door opened, and a female Watcher stepped outside. The frown on her face confirmed my worst fears.
“There was nothing we could do. He’s dead,” she said.
I knelt over and vomited in the bush next to me. I kept my head down until I was certain I would not do it again.
The man was dead. The one connected to Jasper and perhaps even my won mother was gone. I had become a killer. Lukas claimed I had been possessed, but I remembered my own actions. I had thought I knew what I was doing, but I could not have been more wrong.
“The Watchers will handle it from here. We ought to report this to Claire. She’ll want to hear this from us before anyone else,” Lukas said.
He advised he would stay at the tavern to ensure the investigation of the scene was handled properly. He left me and Keanu to return to Claire on our own. While I understood Lukas’s responsibilities with the Watchers, I hated the idea of leaving him behind to deal with the aftermath. He and his men would clean up the mess I had caused.
Keanu nudged my elbow, but I watched as Lukas returned to the tavern. I couldn’t imagine the losses the tavern had suffered tonight because of the damage caused by the fire. At least with the investigation we might gain insight into the man’s identity.
I mounted my horse and allowed Keanu to take the lead with his. Our ride was quiet, though locals exited from their home and seemed to be drawn to the scene of the crime. I kept my eyes forward, watching Keanu’s movements and waiting for sight of the palace.
I replayed the attack in my head. I tried to put together the pieces, imagining it the way Lukas had explained it to me.
Attempted spell, vibrations, falling down, darkness… I thought, repeating it over and over again like lyrics to a song.
None of it made sense, and equally concerning, I stared at Keanu’s back, knowing damn well that he lacked further insight into the attack. My memory of the attacker’s death was hazy, but Keanu’s presence had been nonexistent of this much I was certain.
Mother warned you… I thought, wincing. Perhaps this was why Mother hadn’t wanted me to practice magic.
At the sight of the palace we dismounted our horses. A servant greeted us and rushed to care for the animals. Keanu walked by my side. I could feel his eyes on me, though I avoided eye contact with him. Did he trust me as little as I trusted him in this moment? Did he see me as a killer?
The front doors opened, and I let out a long sigh. I took a moment to catch my breath. No one else appeared in the foyer, but I longed for an audience with Ezra. I had forgotten to mention to Lukas that Claire was not aware of my other ‘abilities.’ I did not want her first hearing of it being the cause of a man’s death. She already had enough on her plate.
“Let’s find Ezra first. Then we’ll tell Claire,” I said.
“Tell Claire what?” a familiar voice asked.
I froze. Claire, Declan and Gemma approached us. I glanced from my sister to Keanu in disbelief. Now they had me cornered. She left me with no choice. If I lied to her Keanu might challenge my story. If I told her the truth she might think me dangerous. Lukas’s reaction had brought me no comfort. Everyone would fear me after hearing about this.
Claire placed her hand on her lip. I stared at her simply lacking the knowledge of where to begin. I had hoped Keanu would begin, but we both knew his account of tonight’s events was more scattered than mine.
“I… We…”
Keanu cleared his throat. “We should discuss this in a more private setting.”
“Where is Lukas?” Claire asked, dropping her hand to her side. Her face contorted in such a way I wished Lukas had been present to see it.
“He’s with the Watchers. He’ll be here later,” Keanu explained.
He handled our situation with such seriousness and confidence it almost reassured me. Perhaps this was not as bad as I had thought. I could them what happened. They would understand. But even if they understood it would not put my mind at ease. Lukas had not mentioned a spirit. This time it seemed I had acted all on my own.
“Let’s go to the meeting room,” Claire said.
She led the way, and everyone else fell in line behind her. I held out hope that we would run into Ezra along the way, but he did not appear anywhere in sight. It seemed it would just be the five of us. Four more people than I was ready to confess my guilt to.
We reached the meeting room. Claire stood at the door, waiting for everyone to enter before closing us in. She remained standing and stared as me as if knowing I was the one who had to tell the story.
I stood in front of the meeting table. I yearned for my seat in the back, but I would not be able to sit this one out. The door was closed, all eyes were on me, and despite knowing tonight I had acted in self defense, I wanted to run. I wanted to run from away from this, from my father’s murder and the bloodshed that had since followed.
Mother ran away… I thought, realizing she too had made a fatal mistake that she could not face. Whether it be my father’s murder or something else, Mother had her reasons for running.
I cleared my throat. I didn’t know where to start, but I stood in a room filled with my friends and allies. If we were meant to work together then I should have no reason to fear them. If I could not confess this to them who would I share the burden with?
“Jasper’s partner, the one who got away… Tonight I found him. I lost control of my magic, and I killed him.”
17
Men I Loved & Lost
The silence was unbearable. I bit dow
n on my lip until I tasted blood. Claire said nothing and only offered the slightest raise of a brow. I had claimed I lost control of my magic, but it was a lie. I had gained full control, and the result ended in a man’s death. How could I tell them that when Lukas had seemed so afraid and confused?
Claire pursed her lips together.
“Tell me everything,” she said.
I glanced at Keanu, and with a sigh, I started from the beginning. I explained everything the way I remembered it, in as much detail as possible, but as I began describing the fight my details suffered. I mentioned how I had lost consciousness sometime during or after using my magic.
“Have you ever lost consciousness before?” Claire asked.
I shook my head, though this was not entirely true either. I had lost consciousness when Elias had tried to kill me, but that was when the spirit Ezra had described to me protected me.
Gemma chimed in.
“You must be careful, Clara. A mage should never lose control of their powers. It makes them unpredictable and harmful to themselves and others. There may be an underlying issue you need to address to regain control,” Gemma said.
“See to it that you visit the doctor after this to ensure you did not suffer any unknown injuries,” Claire added.
I grimaced at the idea that during my weakest moment my opponent still could have harmed me. How long had it been before Lukas found me?
“And what of Nina?” Claire asked softly, glancing at Keanu as if she knew I did not want to answer that question.
“Believe me, she would be here if I had found her,” Keanu said.
Claire frowned. Her disappointment was nothing she could hide, and despite our best attempts we had failed her. I failed her. We had nothing. The attacker was dead, and he had caused enough commotion to stop our investigation. I feared my encounter with the man had been no conscience, considering my mother still roamed the islands freely.
“The wedding remains our only chance,” Claire said, lowering her eyes to the floor.
I glanced over at Keanu, determined that we had more work to do together. There had to be another way to lure Mother out of hiding. Then again, she had hid from Jhase and Claire for twenty years. This game of hide and seek was nothing new to her.
Claire clapped her hands together, regaining my attention, and exited the room. Gemma and Declan followed her while Keanu remained behind with me. It seemed Claire had all the answers she sought, except for, of course, our mother’s location.
“Should I have told them?” I asked.
He stared at me blankly, and I narrowed my eyes. I wanted him to admit it. I wanted him to say the words and let the truth be spoken between us. He had not been there for the fire. He had not seen what happened to the man, or the new powers I seemingly gained control over.
“Everyone has a secret or two, Clara,” he replied calmly.
His calmness alarmed me. Unlike Lukas, I realized he had no concerns for what happened tonight. He was clueless. Whether he had gone or help or left us to Circe’s will, something was off about his actions tonight. I debated on what to do next with him while he fidgeted with his necklace.
Let it go. Let it go…
I left him and entered into the hallway, letting out a long sigh. I tried not to imagine Keanu as an equal or greater evil than Elias. I had to be careful before I accused another councilor of a crime. Claire depended on Keanu. Lukas had vouched for him. The Council needed him. Whatever accusation I made against him would be a direct hit at Lukas, and I did not wish to see the consequences from the fallout.
The Pavlous family had been through enough. Elias’s affairs and death, Vanessa’s betrayal, Bellona’s unjustified investigation. I did not dare speak Keanu’s name and attach the word “murder” to it. Tonight’s events had not lead me to think of him as someone capable of murder. Tonight, like he had said, opened my eyes to the secrets he tried to hide from the Council. Whether these secrets did any harm, I had yet to determine.
A servant passed me with several pieces of white fabric in his hands. I wondered if this might be in preparation for Claire’s wedding. Her wedding was an important event for this family and the islands, but given after what conspired over her lifetime, it did not seem right for our mother to be present.
If Mother had truly killed our father I wanted to find her myself. I wanted to look her in the eyes and ask her why she had done it. I had no desire to take her life. She deserved to live with the guilt, but I wanted her to tell me everything. I wanted her to start from the beginning of her twisted story.
I passed by Father’s room, stopping several steps after his door and glancing back. I kept expecting to see him around a corner or hear his voice. Instead there was silence. His room was empty. I doubted anyone had bothered to touch it since cleaning it. I wondered for how long that room would be his.
Footsteps approached, and I turned around.
“Hello,” Ezra said.
Without hesitation I embraced him. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as possible. I held onto him too confused to put into words what Lukas had described to me. He did not ask, and instead he pulled me closer, pressing my head against his chest. I broke in his arms like glass. I shattered everywhere into a million pieces.
Pushing me back, Ezra cupped my face in his hands.
“What happened out there today? Are you ok? Were you hurt?” he asked softly.
“The spirit… I think I gained control of it… or whatever ‘it’ possessed power of,” I whispered. In front of him the words came out like a waterfall. Did I trust him with this knowledge more than my own flesh and blood? Or did I believe I protected Claire by hiding the truth form her?
“This is a good sign, no?” Ezra asked.
“Lukas seemed… scared,” I said, biting down on my lip. I inched my face closer to his, almost allowing our lips to touch.
At his silence, I whispered, “What does that make me?”
“Clara Kanelos, a woman born into a powerful family. Evidently you inherited a different kind of power,” Ezra said.
I opened my mouth, and he kissed me. He leaned into me, pressing me against the wall. The wall, the hallway, the sound of footprints vanished.
I closed my eyes, and I sunk into his arms. His lips were warm against mine. His body was firm. His hands wandered from my face down to my waist.
“It’s over, Ren.”
Images of Ren entered my mind. He had been the only man I ever was intimate with. But along with the images of him came images of his dead body, lying in that dirty cell.
I pushed Ezra away with such force I gasped. He stared at me with wide eyes.
“I-I…” I stuttered, but it all made sense now. Ren’s death, my father’s death —all actions taken against me. Someone had taken the men I loved and destroyed them in order to get to me. And there was only one person who had that kind of insight.
“Clara, I’m sorry. It’s too soon, I—”
I raised my hand, silencing him. I thought about the white rose Ren had the night he attacked me. It was possible Mother had not only convinced the Watchers to ignore Isaak but also gained access into places she did not belong. Watchers guarded the room that contained white roses. Mother already had a history of abusing her power to control the law enforcement.
“It had to have been my mother…” I said.
Ezra blinked steadily at me. This was not the answer he had wanted. This was not what either of us wanted, but this was not the time to focus on our relationship. The reality of Mother being behind these deaths was too real now.
“Think about it! Ren died shortly before Jhase. That’s no coincidence. Whoever killed Ren must have also killed my father,” I said.
“And you think Nina masterminded it all?”
“One way or another I can’t deny her involvement in this any more,” I replied firmly.
I crossed my arms and lowered my head. Whether we believed it or not, my mother was untouchable and unseen. She was nowhere, and witho
ut her these murders might never be solved. I wanted someone to hold responsible for these deaths. Someone had to answer for these crimes. Claire and I would not be able to sleep until our father’s killer was caught.
“No one at the tavern saw Nina?” Ezra asked.
I realized I had not told Ezra the full account of what happened at the Undertake.
With a heavy sigh, I stood by his side and explained everything, including what happened with my magic. All the while he listened, nodding occasionally. I even told him what had been so difficult to confess to Claire. That I had killed a man, and because of my new powers I had not been able to stop myself.
Ezra stroked his chin.
“It seems you gained control but also lost some during this fight. I’ll do some research, see if there’s any history of another mage with magic like yours. We’ll figure this out,” Ezra said.
“Thank you.”
I said nothing more about the intimacy between us, and instead I offered to seek out Lukas. He was the one I needed now. He and the other Watchers might have identified my attacker. Perhaps with the proper name we could determine where he came from. Jasper and the unidentified man held some importance to my father’s murder.
Ezra and I parted ways. He sought out the library while I dared to travel outside the walls of the palace. Lukas had yet to return, and I imagined the damage done to the Undertake would require a lot of work.
I reached the foyer and approached the front doors, but a Watcher quickly blocked my path.
“Destination?” he asked.
I looked up at the man. Though he did not look familiar, he wore a Watcher’s uniform. I was aware Claire had increased security since the murder, but this seemed unnecessary.
“Into town. I’m meeting with Lukas,” I explained.
He shook his head.
“No? And by whose orders?” I asked, thinking Lukas was too preoccupied to make such a bizarre request.
“Claire Kanelos,” the Watcher replied.
I turned around and marched up the stairs.
Clara and Ezra Page 10
