Whatever awaited us at the trial tomorrow would require all of my strength. The kind of strength I did not have.
I needed sleep.
20
In Plain Sight
I had slept in Claire’s bedroom last night. I could already feel the tension in her body even while she remained asleep. I realized this would be her first time seeing our mother since her birth. All those years she believed her mother to be dead, and instead now our own blood faced trial for a crime.
If Mother was indeed guilty there would no mercy given. She would pay for her life as Alesia had paid with hers.
I sat up in bed. It was too early for the trial to begin, but I doubted I would be able to fall asleep again. Instead I slid out of bed, careful not to wake Claire, and tiptoed across the room.
I opened the door, stepping out into the hallway cautiously.
A Watcher stood guard outside the room. I glanced at him, waiting for him to tell me I wasn’t allowed to wander, but he remained silent. I left the door ajar and decided against testing my luck with him any further.
I glanced down the hallway and noticed Watchers were posted outside of every room. It seemed Claire had re-enforced security of rat engirt. Perhaps she had feared Stefan or one of his allies would come for Mother.
The palace seemed quiet, and I noticed a Watcher posted outside of Ezra’s room as well. Had he stayed here for the night? Or was it just coincidence, since it seemed all the rooms were on tight security?
I approached the door, and the Watcher stepped aside. I held my hand up to the door, hesitation for a moment. Would I wake Ezra at this hour to endure the time in between now and trial with me?
Shaking my head, I knocked on the door. If Ezra truly ever felt invaded by my visits he would have said so by now.
Footsteps approached, and the door swung open. Ezra’s figure appeared half lit by the candles in the hallway, showing shadows across his face and bare chest.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked, and he gestured for me to step inside.
I entered the room, and he shut the door behind me. The room was pitch black. I could not see anything, but I knew he was close to me. I could hear him breathing, could smell the mint on his breath.
Without a word I extended my hand out until I felt his chest. His skin was warm to the touch.
“Shh, you’re safe now,” he whispered, pulling me in closer to him.
“Am I? Is it over?” I asked.
I glanced up to where I knew his face to be. I could feel his breath against my face.
“I feared for you tonight. I feared something horrible had happened to you, like that night when Elias took you,” he said.
“But here I am… in your arms,” I whispered.
He leaned in. I knew I could stop him right now. I could push him away and walk out without another word. I had my mother’s trial to focus on. watchers guarded us for our safety while we carried on behind closed doors. It felt wrong tone so close to him, but when would it ever be right?
Ezra’s lips were too close to mine. He might as well have kissed me, but our lips were like untouched snow. We inched closer and closer, and I felt something I had not felt in the longest time. Something perhaps I had never felt with another man. And I no longer knew if it was passion, desire, or love.
“Do it,” I whispered, not fully grasping the weight of my words before they slipped from my mouth.
Ezra kissed me. I lost control of my body as he pressed me firmly agains the door. In that moment I knew I did not desire to sleep. I desired nothing more and no one else, and though I was tired and afraid, the world as we knew it froze for us. For his lips to lingers across my neck and collarbone.
His arms engulfed me. Our bodies became one with the darkness. He kissed me over and over again until suddenly under bodies landed on his bed.
He leaned into me, pressing his body more firmly against mine. I could feel all of him now, even the parts I had been too shy to think about.
“Tell me when I have gone too far,” Ezra whispered.
“After all this time… we have not gone far enough,” I replied, smiling as his lips touched mine again.
I sunk my nails into his back, and he pulled the nightgown up over my head.
***
I opened my eyes to Ezra’s sleeping face. I slowly rolled onto my back, realizing I was solely skin and blankets. I cursed at the realization of what we had done. What had felt so right not now seemed so wrong. What would Claire think of me? Would the Watchers tell her I had snuck out in the middle of the night to be with Ezra?
Rumors spread like fire…
I remembered Gemma’s words. Only this time I had done what could not be undone. If the rumors spread then the wildfire awaited us.
I glanced back at Ezra. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. I wondered if he always looked like this in the mornings. I thought about spending mornings like this, waking up to him.
I sat up and stared down at the floor, noticing my nightgown. I leaned over, snatched it and pulled it over my head. I slid out of the bed as quietly as I had done the night before in Claire’s room. Ezra remained asleep.
I stood, staring at him, completely speechless. What would I say? Should I say anything at all? I felt like a teenage girl again.
I blushed and rushed out of the room, pushing past the Watcher on the way out. I did not bother with the door, assuming the Watcher would shut it for me. I had not been as stealthy this time. I was about to find out whether Ezra was a light sleeper or not.
Without knowing where else to go, I continued past Claire’s room and reached my bedroom door. I stepped inside and stared at the mirror. My hair looked as though it had not been brushed for days, and my nightgown was on backwards. I ignored the reflection and turned to my wardrobe.
What did one wear to their own mother’s trial? I selected a black gown and laid it out on the bed. Black seemed to be a fitting color for the recent events in my life. Black for Father’s funeral, black to mourn Father’s death, black for a trial that would be the undoing of my own mother. I was sick of the color, and yet I could not bear the thought of wearing anything brighter.
I approached the vanity and sat down, taking out a comb and running it through my hair.
Once I was fully dressed I returned to the mirror. A long braid flowed over my shoulder, and my attire would make none the wiser about last night’s events.
Someone knocked at the door, and my heart dropped. I had not thought Ezra heard me. If he came now what would I say to him?
“Clara, it’s Gem. Open up,” she called out.
I ran to the door and opened it. Gemma was already prepared for the day in a green dress. She knew nothing about the events that unfolded last night. I supposed it would not matter to her either way.
Why did I care so much about what other people thought? Everyone already knew Ezra and I had spent time alone together. Everything had changed, including my relationship with Ezra. The timing couldn’t have been more wrong, but it seemed right for us, and I had to remind myself that was all that mattered.
“Clara? Hello?” Gemma asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
I forced a laugh.
“Uh, sorry. I’m… not thinking straight,” I replied.
“Well, unfortunately the trial is about to begin. Are you ready?” Gemma asked.
I gulped. I knew her question to be rhetorical, but I was half tempted to answer anyway.
No, I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready.
We both knew what awaited us in the meeting room. It was unlike anything the history of Ninomay had ever experienced. We had taken one of our own, someone who had once been a leader, a mother, and a wife. And today we would pass judgement on her.
“I don’t think I’m ready. I… I slept with Ezra last night, and I know I shouldn’t have given everything that’s happened, and—”
Gemma held up her hand, cutting me off.
She chuckled. “Love knows nothing of time. I fell
for Dorian before Alec and I were able to figure out where to go next. I slept with him at what you could say was the worst possible time in my life. In the end it won’t matter. Don’t let the blood and the backstabbing be the end to your life.”
She squeezed my shoulders.
“You’ll never be ready for what awaits us in the trial today. Just be brave. We do this for your father, to right the wrong that was done to him. And from where I stand you have already shown great strength and determination thus far. Jhase would be proud,” she added.
She turned around and walked out into the hallway. I followed slowly behind, though each step forward felt heavier than the last.
More than anything I feared what we would discover during the trial. I no longer knew my mother. She had abandoned my sister and father. Whether she killed him or not, her disappearance and absence at his funeral spoke volumes. Who had she become after leaving Ninomay? Had Rajoor changed her or was this level of cruelty and darkness always imprinted in her soul?
We neared the door to the meeting room. I stared at it, though it remained closed. I assumed by now the majority of the councilors were already waiting inside. I imagined Ezra being amongst them. I remembered being closer to him, physically and emotionally, than I had been with anyone else.
Be strong… I thought, repeating Gemma’s words as she opened the door.
I winced. I looked past everyone in the room, and my eyes fell on her. My mother, the one who had raised me on her own way, though as I was certain we both recalled I had raised myself more often than not. My mother who had hid my magic and identity from the rest of the world. The one person in this world who had cut me deeper than any sword ever could.
As far as villains go, my mother had them beat. She topped Elias and Vanessa, Ren and Jasper. She had raised me to think of her as a mother, but as Claire had warned me, only a monster would abandon their baby.
And now you face your fate…
21
Mother of Mine
I barely recognized Mother. She wore a green tunic with a black leather vest and tight fitting pants. A belt around her waist suggested she had once carried weapons. Her hair had been chopped since I last seen her. It no longer reached past her shoulder and had been dyed gray. There were bags under her eyes, and for perhaps the first time in her life her hands were dirty and rough.
This version of Nina Nasso was not a person I knew.
Gemma grabbed a hold of my arm and dragged me to the closest seat. I sat down, and while Gemma proceeded to her own chair, I continued to stare at the woman I called “Mother.” The woman, staring back at me, whom I no longer recognized.
“If we don’t have beauty and power, what do we have, Clara?”
That had been her favorite mantra. Beauty and power above all else. As long as I could remember she had always worn her hair long, well past her shoulders, and she had always dressed to impress. Tight dress, long necklace, perfect hair, a little too much cleavage, and she was on her way.
This new version of herself was someone else entirely, and I did not know what it meant. What had happened since I left Rajoor? Father had warned me that she might be hurt by my decision to stay in Ninomay. Had me abandoning her been enough to lead her over the ledge?
You’re not my mother anymore. I thought, deciding that from this point forward I would refer to her by her given name. The name which she would now face her trial. She had lost her title as a mother, and the less I thought of her as such the less likely I was of losing my sanity.
Declan stood up. He and Claire had switched seats, and though I hadn’t been told how this trial would be conducted, I understood why he led it.
All the while Lukas stood behind Nina with his hand on his dagger in case she attempted anything. She remained in cuffs, being unable to use her magic, but perhaps they believed she would become violent. Despite her situation Nina did nothing. She stood still in front of us, seemingly accepting the consequences of her actions. She was calm, her eyes were blank, and her hands were steady.
Clearing his throat, Declan said, “Nina Nasso, today you face trial for the murder of Jhase Kanelos.”
The room was silent. He looked at Nina, and she stared blankly at him. I doubted by now this news came as a surprise to her. She knew, and her change in appearance left me with more questions that demanded answers. A person who ran, who changed their lifestyles and their appearances, that was a person who had something to hide.
“How do you plead?” Declan asked.
“Innocent,” she said calmly without hinting at any emotion.
He held his hands behind his back. “Alright… Is it true you were once married to Jhase?”
“Yes.”
“And that with him you had two girls, one of whom you abandoned?”
“Yes.”
I bit down on my lip and snuck a glance at Claire. Her eyes focused on Declan, and I did not blame her if she did not want to see Nina, to see this woman who was supposed to have been her mother. How much harder was this for her to hear, to confirm her worst fears were true? To know she was the one who had been abandoned?
As much as I didn’t want to watch I could not force myself to look away. The words came out of Nina’s mouth so flawlessly, so effortlessly, so bare of emotion. Was this my first time seeing her for who she really was?
“Is it also true that you hid Jhase Kanelos’s other daughter, Clara, in Rajoor under a false identity?”
Nina chuckled. “You don’t have anything linking me to the murder, do you?”
“Understand this, I have enough to strip you of your title in Rajoor. Your power there is gone. What other privileges would you like to lose? And what of your parents? Will they suffer as well because you refuse to cooperate?” Declan asked firmly.
Her eyes wandered to me. I felt naked sitting alone in the back of the room. It was as if she could look right through me and see my every thought. Did she finally fear admitting the truth to everyone?
“I remarried and Clara took on Isaak’s surname. It was no crime,” she said.
Declan stepped closer to her. “You abandoned your first marriage and one of your children! So what have I found you guilty of? Adultery and child neglect? And then you chose to raise Clara under false pretenses with a man who we all know to have been a violent and disturbed individual.”
“Arguably Jhase had Clara and I legally documented as ‘deceased.’ He gave us the freedom to our new life. Can a dead woman commit crimes?” she asked, smirking.
When did this become a game to her? Father had never told me about documenting us as “deceased,” but Ezra had told me everyone believed we died in a fire. I had no doubt he did it in order to protect Claire from the truth that would have destroyed her at such a young age.
“Your former husband is dead, and you find this funny? Where were you the morning Jhase died?” Declan asked. His voice raised by the slightest.
“I was in Shadowland,” Nina replied.
“And your purpose for being there?”
“Personal. Visiting a friend,” she replied.
“Can anyone else confirm your visit?”
“Yes, several. I could give you their names.”
Declan lowered his head and rubbed his temple. This was the least I had ever heard my mother speak. She was so quick to answer with the vaguest of details.
“I hope you realize that you, more than any else, has a clear motive. So let’s go back to the beginning. Let’s start with the downfall of your marriage,” Declan said.
Nina’s eyes lowered to the ground. It seemed Declan finally touched on a sensitive subject. One that actually mattered to her.
“I never wanted to be a mother. When I married Jhase that all changed. I no longer had a choice. Jhase wanted children, and his parents, of course, wanted grandchildren. He wanted a family and a legacy, and if I didn’t give it to him it seemed I would be failing him. Against my better judgment I allowed it to happen. I got pregnant, and Jhase couldn’t have been ha
ppier.
“Several months into my pregnancy we heard rumors of a seer in the distant lands. We thought them to be all but extinct. No one believed it. I decided to seek them out, to see if the rumors were true.
“Jhase forbid me to go, said it was too dangerous. I never let him stop me. He granted me several Watchers to accompany me, and we went to the Boundless Isles, where the seer was rumored to live.”
I nodded, remembering a similar story Father had told me. I glanced over at Claire again, but she continued to hold a stone cold expression. This was uncharted territory for her.
Nina continued. “We traveled by boat. Can you believe that? We were out in the ocean for days —I can’t remember how long. And then, just when had lost all hope, we saw land.
“And sure enough we found the seer. She was the first one I ever had the pleasure of meeting. She was as brilliant as she was horrifying. She told me things I thought I had wanted to hear. The kind of things I now live wishing to forget.”
“And what did she tell you?” Declan asked, sounding softer now.
“She saw a future where I had two daughters, one who would betray me and one who would end my life,” she said.
Her eyes raised until she made contact with mine. Which one did she think I was? It seemed I had already betrayed her by returning to Ninomay and reclaiming the Kanelos name. I had chosen to stay with Father and Claire instead of reuniting with her. My knowledge of seers was little to none, but I knew no vision was set in stone. Futures changed, and I did not see either Claire or myself capable of killing her.
“When Claire and Clara were born I did the only thing I’ve ever known to do. I ran. I decided to separate the girls. I took Clara with me and left Claire to be with her father. The rest… you already know,” Nina said.
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