by BA Tortuga
“I know.” He’d overheard Travis telling Martha about it. “You guys were okay, right?”
“We were. I had papers to grade, and Matt had gotten free passes to the movies. He and Brantley saw each other at least once a week—a quick lunch, a movie, a Bloody Mary, something. I told him to go. I wanted our weekend free.”
“Well, frankly I’m glad you didn’t have to be there to see it.” Lex knew, as he’d said over and over, that no one could have done anything, and Matt had seemed the type to get gas, not make Travis do it.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. I wouldn’t have known what to do.”
“Not a lot of people would.” Lex sat across from Travis at the kitchen table. “You want me to order something?”
“No. No, I think I just want tea and toast.” Travis sighed, reached out and took his hands. “I lost my shit, Lex. I just…. I hurt so much that I don’t know what to do now.”
“Well, part of the battle is knowing you lost it. Everyone has their way of dealing, but there are some folks you’ll need to talk to when you’re ready.”
“I know. I just… I wish it had been him. I know that’s evil. I understand, but I wish it had been Matt that came home.” Travis wouldn’t meet his eyes.
He let go of Travis’s hand. “It’s human. But it is mean as hell, and you need to talk yourself out of it every time you think it.” Not least because Lex wanted to see Brant again and it would hurt Travis’s feelings, but he just couldn’t care.
“Yeah, I know. Hell, sometimes I think Matt liked Brant more than me. Good thing they had zero chemistry. Like zero. They were brothers in everything but blood.”
“Matt loved you so much, man.” He did smile now, a real one. “He was so sappy at the wedding.”
“He was. He never once made me feel like he didn’t want me around. Or like I was too high-strung. Or that I was in his way.” Travis teared up, but there was a bittersweet smile.
“See? I think he liked you too. He just got different things from Brant, like you do from Dahlia.” He’d just met Travis’s incredibly pregnant best work friend at the service.
“I know that. I do. I just… I need to be angry at someone. I can’t be angry at Matt.”
“Sure. I just hate to see you lose someone like Brant. He’ll be there to help remember Matt, you know?” Lex reached back over to squeeze Travis’s hand before he got up to make toast and tea instead of grabbing a beer. “I wish I’d known him better, but I’m here when you need me.”
“I know. I appreciate it. I think my head’s going to explode, just go all boom, right?”
“I bet. I’ll have some tea with you, and then I think you ought to just go lie down. I can totally fend for myself.”
“Yeah. I might take a pill and just crash for a few. See if I can’t dream about him.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Lex just figured that was the best way to go.
“Me too. I loved him. I really, really thought we were going to grow old together. Be crusty old queens with martinis, talking about the good old days.”
“That sounds amazing.” He managed not to grimace. Lex wanted something easier than that. Someone who would still spoon at sixty. Hell, he just wanted a mutual blowjob and a laugh.
That brought his thoughts back to Brantley, sitting alone, watching movies and drinking beer and mourning his best friend.
He bit his lip. Okay, toast and tea, and then maybe he’d call Brant. Might as well have pizza with someone.
If nothing else, he could assure himself Brant was okay. That was good, right? Lex hated that wanting to see Brant made him feel selfish enough to have to make excuses. Screw that. If there was one lesson he’d learned in the past few years, it was that life was too short to be sorry for normal urges.
And Brantley gave him all the urges—normal and otherwise.
He chuckled, and Trav looked at him. “You okay?”
“Just thinking how weird life is.” He buttered toast, then laid out tea, toast, and cookies. “Ta-da.”
“Isn’t this adorable. I’m impressed. Seriously. Thank you.”
“What can I say? I am one of us deep down.” Lex winked, because it made Travis laugh when he tried for any gay stereotype. Trav always said he was this weirdo exception….
“You’re only gay because—”
“I like dick?”
They both cracked up at the old, stupid joke.
Travis finished off his toast. “I think I will go sleep. I’ll take a pill, so if you decide to go out for food, could you make sure I’m locked up?”
“You bet. I’ll even leave a note.”
“Cool. Love you, Lex.” Travis came to him, hugged him tight. “Thank you for coming.”
“I love you too, honey. We’ll watch some movies tomorrow, huh? Something sappy.”
“Yeah. The Matrix.”
“I like it. It’s kinda sappy, with the whole ‘I love the chosen one’ thing….”
Travis snorted, then kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning, probably. Take the rest of the day and do something fun, huh?”
“Uh-huh. Post-funeral happy.” He rolled his eyes and bussed Travis’s cheek right back. “If I go, I’m a phone call away.”
“Thank you. I’ll be fine. You know I like the quiet.”
“That’s because you’re with kids all week long.” He walked Trav to the stairs.
“Yeah. Yeah, I miss them. Really. A lot. They offered to give me next week off. I might just go back.”
“It would keep you busy.” What else was he supposed to say? Trav would know that first day if he was capable of going back to work.
“Yeah. And they’re good kids. Really. All of them.”
“Not one bad apple? You remember how awful we were to Señora Gonzales?” They’d put tacks in her chair, stolen her chalk, and superglued her pen to her desk.
“Oh, she was evil. You know she was still teaching when I started?”
“No shit? Did she remember you?” That would be cosmic vengeance.
“You know it. I was her goddamn student teacher, man!”
“Oh, fuck.” That tickled him so much he got laughing, clutching at the post on the stairs.
“Mr. Garcia,” Travis intoned. “Please remember to mark the children’s papers clearly.”
“Oh, God.” He slapped his leg with his free hand.
“Mr. Garcia, if you don’t mind, we ought to wear a tie, don’t you think?”
“No. Stop.” He was just wheezing. Travis was a wicked mimic.
Travis grinned at him, just beaming. “Breathe, man. Breathe.”
“I know! I just hadn’t thought of her in… years, I guess. Dios mío.”
“She retired about five years ago. I actually go see her every now and again.”
“Does she like you now?” he asked. He had retired cops who adored him now they didn’t work together.
“Weirdly, I think so. She’s relaxed, a lot. I never realized how tense she was.”
“Good for her. She got grandbabies?”
Trav nodded. “Oh, yeah. Four. She loves that.”
“Well, next time you see her, say hi for me. She’ll look like she sucked a lemon.”
“I have no doubt. I’ll tell her Deputy Dawg says hi.”
“Thanks, hon.” He let Travis disappear upstairs before trotting up to the guest room. Shower. Clothes.
Text Brant. Want me to bring WisePies?
OMG. Spicy Capo? I have queso and beer.
Be there in about an hour?
Brant’s answer was to text his address. Well, okay, then. He pumped his fist. Then he took the fastest shower in history. He would call for the pizza before he left Taylor Ranch and pick it up on the way.
Brant was down off near the Griegos drain in a nice little adobe that was decades older than Travis and Matt’s McMansion. The doors were bright turquoise, the wrought-iron window guards and front gate purple. The front yard was filled with huge rose bushes and deer tongue. Damn. Nice. There
was even a big lilac bush. That was gorgeous, all blooms and aroma.
He headed up to the door and knocked. Brant was wearing a pair of pajama pants and an ancient T-shirt with Taste the Rainbow on it.
“I like it.” He jerked his chin at the shirt. “I got a Big Meat-Up, the Spicy Capo salad, and some wings. I also brought some cookies.”
“I have beer and chips and queso. Come on in.” The house was warm on the inside—a huge leather sectional, coffee tables, the biggest fucking cat he’d ever seen.
“Holy shit. Is that a domestic cat or a bobcat?”
“Mouse?” The huge gray beast with yellow eyes like a demon just glared at him.
“Mouse? He looks like a mouse eater. Is he friendly?” Lex stared at the cat, who turned his head to stare at the pizza boxes.
“He’s an angel. It’s Peaches and Cream that you have to watch for. They’re drama queens.” Brant tapped Mouse’s nose. “That is not for you.”
Mouse seemed to harrumph, then turned his back, ears twitching. Hilarious. “I like him already.”
“They’re all pretty good company. The girls will take a little while to come out.”
“Shy, huh? This guy knows he’s the apex predator.” He put the pizza and salad on the table. “Is that the queso I smell?”
“It is. Let me grab it. The plates are in that cabinet beside you.”
“Got it.” He pulled out plates, then hunted silverware for the salad. Brantley had a bunch of great mismatched plates and silverware and glasses. Not messy, but just every one different, separate.
His dishes had come from Big Lots. One of those box sets that came with four of everything. Lex did have a great collection of beer glasses, though.
“I like the stuff.”
“Thanks. I like garage sales. I go on Saturday mornings.”
“Yeah? My mom does that. Dad never wanted me to go. I think he knew.” Lex laid out plates.
“Knew?” Two bottles of Shiner appeared on the table.
“Yeah, that I was gay. Like when I was little. He tried to discourage me from anything he thought was girly.” He and his papa, they were… strained a little.
“Ah. I didn’t come out for a while. I mean, I knew, but it was right after Basic.”
“Yeah? I came out in high school to my family. It caused some stuff.” He tended not to think about it now. Most of his family had decided he was the same as he ever was.
“It always does. I mean, my people were fine. There was the ‘are you sure’ and the ‘you know this won’t be easy, right,’ but that was about it. Now we’re at the ‘when are you going to meet someone and adopt babies?’ part.”
“Oh, God. Your brother? Can’t he do it?”
“Uh. I’m sure he can, but, uh…. Well, he’s sort of playing for our team too. He’s not out and proud, not at all, but Mom knows. Bridey’s just… sensitive.”
“Oops.” He grinned. “So she figures you’re her best bet. You like kids, obviously.”
“I do, but I work with them all day. I sort of… like my cats.” Brantley turned pink. “I know that’s selfish, but… I’m just not all that paternal.”
“Hey, trust me, my mom doesn’t even ask. Like, she knows it never even crosses my mind.” Lex wasn’t exactly a player or anything, but he wasn’t the white-picket-fence kind either.
“No? Well, we’re on the same page. Ready to eat?”
“God, yes. Martha made enough food for an army, but I was dealing with sorting the flowers and I got maybe a mouthful of potato salad. I’ve had cookies.” Lex thought maybe he was drooling.
“I fell asleep and just crashed. I feel like I might be a functional human being again. Maybe.”
“I hope to get that way. Did you manage to say goodbye to Matt’s folks?”
They settled at the table, but Brant popped back up to grab salad tongs.
“They stopped by to collect their stuff. Apparently it was rough. If I was Travis, I’d sort of leave them be awhile. They need some time.”
“He doesn’t think any of Matt’s family likes him.” He glanced at Brant sideways. “Hell, he thinks Matt liked you more than him. Like on a daily basis.”
“He’s kind of a jealous butthead.” Brant shrugged, the words matter-of-fact. “Matty loved him to distraction.”
“That I think he knows.” Lex had gotten that impression.
“That’s all that matters. The Ishams worried that Travis didn’t feel Matty was good enough. It wasn’t true. Travis loved Matty to death. They were happy together. Really, truly happy.”
“Man, relationships are complicated.” He grabbed a couple of slices. “Smells good, huh? Pizza and salad and queso. Who would’ve thought.” Lex hooted. “You know here queso is just cheese.”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” Brantley kicked him under the table. “I tell you what, when I first moved here, I asked for a breakfast burrito with queso? What came out, it was not what I asked for.”
“And you learned to ask for chile con queso, huh?” Lex remembered Dusty telling him that. “I have a Texas buddy in Cruces. He ordered a side of queso, and the server was all, ‘it comes with cheese on it.’”
“Yeah. Do y’all have Tex-Mex down there?”
“In some places. Especially over in El Paso. Dusty assures me you have to get to San Antonio before it resembles real Tex-Mex, though in his part of the world, they have gringo Mexican, I swear. He does this thing where he layers Wolf Brand Chili and flour tortillas and cheese and calls them enchiladas.” They were good, but everyone knew that stuff was more burrito casserole than enchilada.
“Uhn. I would eat that. Is that bad?”
“No, I eat it all the time. But it’s not enchiladas.” The pizza was good tonight. Meaty. Saucy but not wet.
Brantley took a huge serving of salad, making him cackle. The Texan noshing on the lettuce.
“Hush, you.” Brant grinned. “It’s not like it’s all that healthy. I just love the crunch.”
“Uh-huh. Do you smoke? I know a bunch of nurses that smoke.”
“Cigarettes? Nope. We get a bonus at work for not.”
“So do we. They want us to be able to run.” Lex only had a beer once in a while, and usually ate better than he had recently, thanks to Lean Cuisine.
“Yeah? I’m a runner too. Three nights a week at the gym.”
“Cool. I gotta admit, I like the treadmill. The road is hard on the knees, but I get out a couple times a week because that’s my work landscape.” Cheese. Uhn. “You make good queso.”
“I’m a Texan. It’s a thing.”
“It must be. Too many people here try to use a roux.” The key was obviously Velveeta and Ro-Tel. That was how Dusty made it too.
“I know, and I’ve tried a bunch of fancy-assed recipes, but I come back to this, again and again.”
“I see why.” He smacked his lips. Then he ate some more. He was gonna be running for hours, but it was so worth it, and he was so damn hungry.
Brantley didn’t waffle about eating. He was eager, chatty, and not prissy at all.
Lex thought that was a good sign. He’d had dates with people who’d eaten less than a bird, and he’d been with guys who were so picky he was embarrassed to be seen with them. Brant was just a dude.
A hot dude.
A hot gay dude.
Lex nodded, which caused Brant to squint at him. “Sorry, I was just discussing another piece of pizza with myself.”
“Go for it. You’ve been starving.”
“I know it’s silly.” Not like he was wasting away to nothing.
“Stress.” Brant got it.
“Yeah. I deal with it in weird ways. And Travis, well, he stops eating when he’s wigged out.”
“Yeah. That’s why he’s tee-tiny. Me? Not so much.”
“Hey, you look amazing.” Lex’s cheeks heated, but he didn’t backtrack.
“Thanks. I work at it.”
Lex bet Brant did. “So the running doesn’t bother your hip?”
; “Every damn time.”
“Ouch. Have you thought of aqua running? Lane walking in a pool? Easier on the joints.” He did have some EMT training, after all.
“One of the nurses in my unit does water Zumba, but no. No, I hadn’t.”
“It’s way easier on the joints. So is elliptical.” He tried the salad. Oh, spicy. Nice.
“Good, isn’t it?” Brant dipped another chip. “I like my spice.”
“One thing New Mexicans and Texicans have in common.” Lex winked broadly.
Brantley hooted, the laugh lines around his eyes attractive as fuck.
He liked this guy. A lot. Like more than anyone he’d met in years.
“So, why’d you become a cop?” Brantley finished his beer and leaned back in his chair.
“Well, I could recite all the stuff from the academy, but really, I wasn’t sure I was smart enough to go to college, and I wanted benefits.” Lex paused. “You know, I grew up watching how bad the cops here were on TV. I wanted to be the good one.”
“Good on you. You must like it; you’ve been doing it a while.”
“I do. Some parts suck.” Lex thought shooting someone, killing them even if it was necessary, left a stain on a guy’s soul. “What about you? Why a nurse?”
“I went into the service after high school. Trained as a medic. Got shot. All I knew was medicine, so I got my RN license.”
“You like it, though. Right?” God knew Dusty was in for life. So was Dusty’s man, Nate, who was an EMT.
“I do. I don’t want to be a doctor. I want to help the patients. I need to interact.”
“That’s awesome. Nurses are the best.” They really were the meat and potatoes of medical.
“Thanks.” Brant grinned at him, like he’d just said the most wonderful thing.
“’Tis true.” He blinked at his empty plate.
“You want to come sit, man?”
“Sure. I would love that.” Lex put his plate in the sink, following Brant’s example.
The Mummy was already playing when Brant turned on the TV. “This cool?”
“I love this shit.” He even liked the one with The Rock. The only one he didn’t love was the last one with the different Evie.
“Yeah, me too. Matty and me, we saw it at the theater.”
Lex loved how Brant said “thee-A-ter.”
