by Emily Childs
There’s the green light I’m hesitant to take. “Will you tell me about Pete?”
I wish her breath didn’t catch. I wish the color didn’t pale in her face. There is something with his name, and old fears, old resentments, rear their ugly heads.
“Laney,” I say a little sharper than before. “She told me what happened with him. Is it true?”
Her voice is hardly more than a whisper. “Why do you sound angry?”
“Why do you think?” I am angry. She’s not denying anything.
“I guess, I didn’t think it would matter to you. I told you I made mistakes and—”
“Yeah, and this one is a little different, isn’t it?”
Her lips part. She backs away. There are tears in her eyes. Even being angry, I hate seeing tears, especially knowing I put them there.
“So,” she says softly. “Love is conditional for you. Understood, loud and clear.”
She snatches her purse off the counter and bolts to the door. My head is screaming to stop her, but like an idiot, I stand there, simmering in past hurt. Hurt I never wanted to feel again. Not with Laney.
Standing alone in my kitchen, I wonder if she’s right. Am I the guy who declares love, only to snatch it back at the first test?
Seems I am.
And more than I hate anything, I hate that.
Chapter 27
Laney
I can’t remember when I’ve cried harder. Enough I almost throw up. My pillow is soaked in salty tears, and my abs ache like I’ve worked out all morning. Bastien calls me three times, but I ignore each one.
Bastien Olsen has shattered my heart.
When the tears dry, frankly, because I have no more to give, bitterness sets in. Maybe a little rage. I dial her number, jaw clenched.
“Hi, Laney. I wondered if you’d call,” Amy says.
“I’m surprised you answered, being the jealous coward you are.”
“I’m no coward. Jealous, fine, I’ll give you that. But you’re the one who betrayed me.”
“Excuse me.” Now my jaw tightens until I think I might break a tooth. “Betrayed you?”
“When I asked to meet with him, why didn’t you say anything? To embarrass me?”
“For closure! He needed closure. How could you bring up Pete, Amy? Those things are my business to talk about when I’m ready.”
“He needed to know you weren’t as squeaky clean as he thinks. I care about Bastien still.”
“You were the one who hurt him, and led me on to think he was some scumbag.”
She pauses. “True. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, and don’t play like you’re a beacon of morality when you did the same to Pete.”
“I never cheated,” I snarl. “Is that what you told him?” My throat burns, my chest hurts.
“I told him everything.”
I close my eyes against the pain. Maybe I can clear up the suspicion of being unfaithful, but if she told him everything then it doesn’t change that his love is conditional. “Those experiences were mine to bring up. You know why I left Pete. You know.”
“What happened, Laney?” she asks as though we’re talking about the weather. “I mean, why are you calling me? Did Bastien not respond well? Did he show you what he really wants in future Mrs. Perfect? I told him because believe it or not, I wanted you to avoid a massive heartbreak too.”
Too late. I don’t tell her that, of course. “Don’t pretend to be some kind of saint.”
“It’s true. Bastien has a type. His family has a type. And girls like us, don’t make the cut. Trust me from experience, it’s better to get out now before it goes any further.”
I wipe away a tear, voice low. “It wasn’t your place to interfere.”
“Well, what’s done is done, I guess.”
I rub the bridge of my nose, too exhausted to argue. “He deserved better than what you gave him. And I deserved better than what you’ve done to me.”
Hanging up, I hug my pillow against my chest, and send a message to Bastien: I won’t be in tomorrow.
He’s quick to respond. Laney, please talk to me.
I want to talk to him, want to scream at him, actually. But I turn off my phone and try to fall asleep, to forget for a moment. One thing Amy was right about is bringing out how shallowly Bastien Olsen loves. If he knew Peter’s name, and Amy told him everything about the most painful experience of my existence, then he’s no better than other guys from my past. I guess, I’d hoped the man who said he loved me would love me enough to accept a rocky piece of my life.
I suppose even a prince charming has his breaking point.
***
I smile for the first time since last night when my phone rings. Even her name has a way of bringing a smile.
“Hi, Olive,” I say.
“Hey there,” Olive says. “This is not a business call. I cross my heart. I like you outside of darn negotiations.”
I laugh. “I love non-business calls. And it’s perfect. I’m taking a sick day, but I’m not really sick.”
She giggles. Even her giggle has an accent. “Those are the best days. Listen, I’m callin’ because I’m working out my invitation list. It’s still months away, but my mama says it’s never too early to start. So I absolutely need your address. You and that handsome guy of yours are coming. Please say you’ll come.”
My heart cramps. “I’d love to come. It might just be me though.”
“Uh, oh. I don’t like the sound of this, not one bit. What’s going on?”
I pause. We aren’t exactly close friends, but Olive Cutler does seem like one of those truly genuine people. Still, she’s working with us. “Can it stay between us? I don’t want any fall out with jobs or anything.”
“My lips are sealed, girl. What has he done?”
I laugh. “How do you know it’s him?”
“Bless your heart. It’s always the guys, isn’t it?”
“Nine times out of ten,” I say with a grin. “It’s pretty simple. I have a few dark moments in the past, and I guess he didn’t want a girl who came with some of the things I do.”
Olive is quiet for a while; I even check to make sure we didn’t disconnect. Then she clears her throat. “So, you think you’re not good enough for him or something? Like he deserves better than you?”
“I—” A furrow knits my brows together. “Maybe in some ways. I can’t speak for him, really. But maybe part of me thinks it. Everything fell out pretty quickly, and we haven’t talked. I’ve been ignoring his calls, to be honest.”
“Take those calls, girl,” she says abruptly. “Let him have it, for sure, but if I’m right, then he’s not going to let you think you’re not enough for him. Remember, I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he doesn’t think anyone’s watching. And when he tells you that you’re enough, you better believe him.”
I’m not sure it’ll go the way she thinks, but I’m smiling. And not because of me. “Why do I get the feeling you’re talking from experience?”
Olive sighs on the other end. “Trust me,” she says like a lament. “I know how exhausting it is trying to convince someone they’re enough. And I know how it hurts when they simply refuse to believe you. So, when you answer his call, chew him a new one, then let him grovel. But when he tells you he wants you, believe him.”
I twirl a piece of hair around my finger, silently agreeing. As hurt as I was, I love Bastien, and I can’t let things end this way. Not with so much unsaid.
“Thanks, I think I’ll take that advice,” I tell her. “Maybe I’m overstepping here, especially since you invited me to your wedding, but as your friend, maybe you ought to try once more with Rafe before the big day.”
Olive chuckles nervously. “Is it that obvious?”
“A bit.”
“I think that ship has sailed. I’ve been trying since I was seven. He’s too convinced he’s nothing good for me. I’ve concluded things are as they should be. No worries, I’ll be all smiles and heart-ey
es on my wedding day. And you’ll come, right? With Bastien.”
I laugh again. “I’ll be there.”
That seems good enough for her. She wishes me luck and begs me to tell her everything when the ball drops—her words, not mine.
I haven’t missed any calls from Bastien, and after a few hours I wonder if maybe Olive had it all wrong. I feel even worse when Oscar texts me from honeymoon bliss to ask if Bastien has an update on his interview.
I groan. That was today? I didn’t know. He must’ve been told yesterday, or maybe they jumped him from behind and dragged him in front of the entire board this morning. There’s still a part of me that wants to be there for him, like he was for me. I’m so angry at him, but I love him more than the hurt.
I’m halfway through pulling on my sneakers to wait at the office when someone pounds at my door.
My heart is in my throat as I peel back the outdated curtain covering the skinny window on the side of my door. Bastien is on my porch, hands on either side of my doorframe, catching his breath.
“Laney,” he calls out. Then he sees me in the window. I let the curtain fall back, and take a step away. He knocks swifter. “Lane, let me in. Please.”
Okay.
Okay. This is better and worse than the phone call I promised Olive that I’d take.
Holding my breath, I unlock the door and meet his simmering, beautiful eyes. His face is haggard and there’s sweat on his brow.
“Did you run here?” I look for his car. “In your suit?”
“There wasn’t any parking . . . so I’m down a little. You know . . . this hill is deceiving. It’s steep.” I almost smile, almost forget what happened between us. Bastien straightens, but seems hesitant to come too close. “Were you coming to work?”
He nods at the tablet pouch in my hand. “Uh, I . . .” There’s not really a reason to lie. “I heard you were being interviewed, and I guess, I wanted to be there. Did you get the job?”
A twitch curls at the corner of his mouth. “Yes.”
Well there it is. The desired outcome to our little dating adventure. We’re supposed to end this here, but after all that’s happened, I’m desperate to keep it.
“Laney,” he says again. “May I please come in?”
I stand aside, but keep my face neutral. When the door is closed, I stand back, arms crossed over my chest. “Congrat—”
“I don’t have conditions,” he blurts out, rubbing the back of his neck. “Not with you.”
“I’m confused. What are we talking about? Your job or . . .”
“Last night,” he says a little breathlessly. “You told me loving you had conditions. It doesn’t. I was just . . . I think understandably upset to find out what you did to your old boyfriend.”
“What I did to him?” More like what he did to me. “Bastien, did she tell you—”
“That you cheated on him,” he interrupts, his face looking a green.
My eyes narrow and I use his words against him. “That’s the story you got? That’s it?”
He looks sicker. “That’s the entire story I got. Laney, I haven’t slept, and I’ve been trying to call you because I didn’t want to leave it like that. I didn’t believe her, but she put the idea in my head, you know. Then you didn’t deny it . . .” He shakes his head. “I promised the benefit of the doubt, but even then, the more I think of it, it doesn’t matter. There aren’t conditions when it comes to my love for you, but I wanted to understand, that’s all. I hated watching you walk away.”
My heart breaks a little. With a hint of caution, I place my palms on the sides of his face. He closes his eyes, as though my touch brings intense relief. His hands go to my waist.
“I know dishonesty in a relationship is something that hurt you before,” I say. “But I promise you, I’ve never betrayed anyone like that. I thought . . . I thought you were talking about something else when you mentioned Peter. Something did happen, and it was the most difficult thing other than losing my parents. Something that caused me to think I’d never be good for anyone. I believed that for a long time.”
“Laney—”
“It’s okay. I thought I’d put those feelings behind me . . . until last night. It sounded like maybe this bit of my past was too much for you, but I’m guessing you don’t even know what I’m talking about?”
“I don’t think I do,” he says softly. “But you can tell me things. If you want. There isn’t anything in the past that would make me not love you now.”
Believe him. Like Olive said. I run my hands over his chest, taking in the calm he brings even though this moment seems like a tipping point. “Peter was a guy I met when I first moved here. With him, I fell back into an old lifestyle I didn’t want. We popped pills, partied, were out of control. I, uh, actually moved in with him for a little while. Honestly, Amy was the only one who was supportive about the idea. Nicole hated Pete, so much that we stopped talking for about four months because of him.”
“You and Nicole?”
“Hard to believe, huh?”
“A little.”
“Well, it’s true. After about three months together—” I take a deep breath. “I thought I was pregnant.”
Bastien doesn’t back away, his arm tightens around my waist. Tears blur my eyes and he wipes one away when it falls from my lashes.
“When I told him, Peter kicked me out. Someone else was staying in my old room at my and Amy’s apartment, and I thought my sister hated me. I ended up staying with Gavin, a friend from one of my classes, and slummed it on his couch. I’ve never felt more alone.” I close my eyes. It still hurts after all this time. “A few weeks later, the doctor told me I had a false positive, but I sort of blamed myself. Like I might’ve lost a pregnancy because I wasn’t taking care of myself, you know?”
Bastien kisses my forehead and I wish I could tell him how much it means that he’s drawing me closer, not pushing me away. Others have pushed away before.
“Anyway, I didn’t want to be with Peter anymore—”
“Good,” he says in a kind of growl.
I grin through the tears. “I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I think Gavin reached out to Nicole and told her what happened because she showed up at his door with a suitcase and moved me back in with her until Amy’s new roommate moved out. It was a moment that woke me up to demand better of myself.
“Amy teased me about Gavin, insisting it was impossible to live with a guy for weeks and keep it friendly. She said Peter came by making a few accusations about me fooling around, but I thought she believed me when I said nothing happened. I’ve done a lot of things, but I’ve never cheated on anyone.”
Bastien curls my head against him, holding me close. He drops his forehead to my shoulder. “And all night you’ve been thinking I was upset over this. Because some idiot mistreated you and left you alone to deal with that?”
“Something like that,” I admit against his skin.
“Not a chance, Brooks,” he says, drawing back to look at me. “I love you more than I can ever say. You amaze me, challenge me. You make me better. There is no one I would ever want to be with more than you.”
“I haven’t talked about this with anyone for a long time,” I say. “Nicole is the only one who knows how scared and heartbroken I was. Not that I wanted kids with Peter, but for a second, I don’t know, I was a little excited. I thought someone would love me when it felt like no one did. I get how sad that thinking is now, but it still hurt when it wasn’t going to happen. It probably doesn’t mean a lot to you—”
“Wrong, Laney,” he says. “I might not have known you then, but I care about this because you do. This means a lot to me, you trusting me, telling me personal things. It means a lot knowing how alone you felt because I never want you to feel that again.”
I blink a few times and bite the inside of my cheek. My arms wrap around his neck. “You know, I called Amy last night. She basically told me that I’m too messed up for your squeaky-clean family.”
>
Bastien snorts and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “You’re the one who keeps me from turning into a beast.”
I feign confusion. “Who says that?”
“You. Many times.” He smiles and kisses the side of my head. “We’re anything but squeaky-clean. Jonas and Brita almost didn’t get married because we all hated each other. Axel and Elle almost didn’t get married because her ex-husband is a lunatic. We all have our stories, but there is no way an almost not marrying you is making it into ours.”
“Is that a proposal?” I tease.
Bastien laughs and kisses me like it’s the first and last time rolled into one. I was teasing at first, but the way he’s holding me, I start to wonder if he is asking.
He’s still smiling, his eyes like blue crystal, when he pulls back. “Not a proposal, Brooks. I’ll ask you right. And when I do, you’ll be blown away.”
“You’re so full of yourself, baahs. Maybe I’ll say no.”
He runs his fingers through my hair and lowers his voice. “Trust me, I’m going to ask you to marry me soon, and it’s going to be amazing, so there’s no way you’ll say no.”
I laugh and kiss him ten, twenty, who knows how many times.
And a couple months later, when he does ask me, I absolutely do not say no.
Epilogue
Olive
Mylanta, when I invited Laney and Bastien to my wedding, I certainly didn’t expect to be making a stop at theirs first.
My engagement has been drawn out for party after party. I like their take. Get engaged and get it done.
They’ve become a fast extension to our family. Bastien, Laney, and the entire team at Everett have kept a smile on Daddy’s face for the last six months. Business is booming, and Lon Cutler is a man who gives credit where credit is due. I think the new couple will be pleased they invited Daddy when they open his wedding gift. A two-week vacation to the Gulf of Mexico? I’d take it.
Today, everything is lovely. My heart flips its lid when the cute little flower girl skips down the aisle and two rowdy boys follow with the rings. I nearly squeal when Laney shows up in the blossom-covered archway, arm linked with Oscar. I know him too from Everett, but I would’ve known him anyway since business relationships drifted more to solid friendships over the last few months.
