by Bella Jewel
“Miss?”
I blink the tears back. I want to reach into my chest and rip my own heart out. Not even that could hurt more. How can he just stand there as if his world was never crushed into a thousand pieces? That man is the father of my child. He’s her God damned father. I take a step back. I can’t do this. I can’t. It’s too much.
I go to turn when his voice whips through the crowd, turning my legs to jelly. I close my eyes. Please don’t let it be my name he just called.
“Katia?”
It was my name.
I turn back slowly and his eyes are on mine, deep brown depths I’d thought I loved once. Now, now they just remind me of the precious eyes I look into every day. The only thing he gave me. The only gift I walked away with.
I take another shaky step back, and his arm drops from the woman it was wrapped around. His hands are shaking and he begins striding towards me, his face unreadable.
That’s when I turn and run.
I’m not ready after all.
~*~*~*~
My feet pound over the pavement. I’m moving as quickly as I can, running until my lungs scream. I reach Candy’s car just as his fingers curl around my upper arm. A jolt of something runs through me—what it is, I don’t know. I don’t know because I spin around and I slap him so hard my hand instantly burns. With a ragged cry, I grip my fingers.
“Katia.”
His voice. God, I loved that voice once. I open my tear-soaked eyes and stare at the man who ruined my life. Then I raise my hand and hit him again. He lashes out, catching my wrist and jerking it away from his face.
“Stop hitting me,” he barks.
“You horrible, disgusting, piece of shit!” I scream so loudly he flinches. “I lost everything and you’ve been here, living like this? You lost nothing. You still have every-fucking-thing. How is that possible? How the hell have I been living in darkness while you’ve been dancing in light?”
“I tried—”
“Don’t,” I yell. “Don’t you fucking dare tell me you tried! You’re a monster. A cruel, ugly monster.”
His jaw clenches. “Katia, I searched. I’ve been looking for you, and—”
“And what?” I wail, my voice pathetic and broken. “And fucking what, Marcus? You were going to apologize? Tell me you fucked up? Maybe beg me to sign something to keep your business? Well?”
His face scrunches, and if I’m honest, I’d say it’s in agony.
But I have no pity for him.
“I sent money and—”
I cut him off with a cold, broken laugh. “You sent money? Because that would fix everything.”
“I never meant to.” He drops his head and growls low. “You know what, I did fuckin’ mean to do it so I won’t bother saying I didn’t, but at the end, things changed for me. When you left, it ruined me.”
I shake my head, a mixture of rage and agony tearing through my body. I want to throw myself into his arms, yet at the same time reach in and rip his heart out the way he did mine.
“Yet you still walked away with everything, including a piece of myself I can’t get back,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes, dropping his chin down to his chest and making a low, agonized growling sound. “Katia,” he rasps. “I know what I did. I know what I am. I also know I’ve never been the same since you left. I’ve searched for you.”
I laugh bitterly. “Funny that. The woman you were just taking photos with really didn’t seem to think so.”
His head jerks up. “It was business.”
“You mean the business you were supposed to lose?” I throw at him.
He flinches. “Walter died.”
“How convenient.”
He holds my eyes and we glare at each other for a long, tense moment. It’s him who breaks the contact. “Why are you here? Why now?”
“It’s time to end this. I want a divorce, Marcus.”
His eyes grow hard and his shoulders straighten. “Are you going to speak to me? Give me a chance to explain and—”
“No,” I bark. “I’m not. I can’t stand you, Marcus Tandem. I hate you with a fire that burns my soul on a daily basis. I don’t want a second longer with you than necessary. I just want this over, so I can move on with my life and not have the constant reminder that I’m married to you every, single day.”
His eyes flash with hurt and anger, and I’m forced to move my gaze from his, unable to look any longer.
“No.”
My head jerks up. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Katia. I said no. Not until you talk to me. Not until you hear me out. Not until you let me tell you how it’s been.”
I shake my head, horrified. “You haven’t changed, have you? You are still fighting for only yourself.”
“Fuck it, Katia. You just don’t see it, do you?”
“See what?” I scream, lunging forward and shoving his chest. He’s going to make this hard for me. He’s going to try and hold me back. “What the hell do you think I could see that is going to change my mind? I despise you. You ruined my life. You let me love you.”
His fingers curl around my shoulders and he pushes me back slightly. “If you’ll listen . . .”
“No,” I bark. “If you won’t sign the papers, Marcus, I’ll find a lawyer and get it done.”
He lets me go and steps back, his face a familiar hard mask I remember so well. “Very well.”
And with that, he’s gone.
I spin, pulling the door to Candy’s car open and throwing myself in. I drop my head against the steering wheel and scream in frustration.
I should have known he wouldn’t make this easy.
CHAPTER SIX
KATIA
“Hush, little baby,” I sing to Penny, stroking her hair.
She’s keeping me calm. Keeping me together. She’s always done that for me, even if she doesn’t know it. Every time I’ve felt agony, she’s come in and made things better for me. She’s my glue. Without her, I would have never been able to keep the tiny piece of myself I have left. It would have been crushed and destroyed, along with every piece Marcus took.
“She’s a good baby.”
I lift my head to see Ford standing at the door. “He speaks,” I mutter.
He crosses his arms, God, he looks like our father. So much.
“I’m not social.”
“No? I didn’t guess.”
I kiss Penny and watch her little eyes flutter closed. I tuck her in, and then turn and walk over to Ford. He studies me. “I didn’t know about you.”
This shocks me. He doesn’t seem like the deep and meaningful type. He certainly doesn’t seem like the type who wants to talk. I’m not about to lose the chance, but I don’t want to scare him off either. He is my brother, after all; it’s time I got to know him.
“I don’t even think Pierre knew about me, Ford,” I say, stepping past him.
“How could he not?”
I walk into the kitchen, and swing a door open. “Do you truly believe it’s not possible to know about a child? I can tell you it is. Marcus doesn’t know about Penny.”
I turn and he’s studying me. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why doesn’t he know?”
“Do you think he deserves to know?” I ask, popping a grape into my mouth.
“I don’t know him.”
“He married me as a business contract. He used me.”
Ford flinches. “I didn’t know much about it.”
“No,” I mutter. “Most don’t. But let me put it this way: I adored him. I loved him and he crushed me. I don’t think he deserves the love of my little girl.”
“Is that for you, or her?”
I turn, glaring at him. “It’s for both of us.”
“How did you feel when you found out your mom kept you from our dad?”
I close my eyes, trying to steady my breathing. He’s right, I know he is, but my heart won’t let me feel sorry for Marcus. It won’t let me
believe telling him about Penny is the right thing to do.
“She’s all I have,” I whisper.
“Yeah, I know.”
I open my eyes, and by the time I do, Ford is gone. I guess that’s all he has to say. Sighing, I put another grape in my mouth and walk out onto the patio. I sit down, putting my head in my hands. I’m like that for a long while, until the flashing of car headlights pulls me out of it. I lift my head and freeze.
I know that car.
I skitter back in my chair, turning and running inside. “Ford!” I scream.
Ford is there in a second, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. He’s sweating, as if he’s been working out. “What?”
“Marcus,” I gasp. “He’s here.”
Ford’s eyes grow hard.
“You might not agree that my daughter deserves to know, but right now, right here, I’m not ready. Please. He can’t know.”
“I’ll get rid of him.”
He turns and storms down the stairs. I quickly check on Penny, my heart pounding. If she wakes up . . . if he hears her . . . no. I can’t think like that. She’s sleeping soundly, so I can only pray she’ll remain that way. I press myself to the wall, edging down until I can hear their conversation.
“She doesn’t want you here. Leave.”
“Let me in, Ford.”
He knows Ford’s name?
“Don’t make me throw you out, Tandem. I said get lost, so get lost.”
“No.”
“I’m not messin’ around. That girl doesn’t need you here. She doesn’t want you here.”
“She’s my fuckin’ wife,” Marcus hisses and I flinch. “She doesn’t get a choice.”
Jesus.
“She might be your wife, but she doesn’t belong to you. Givin’ you five seconds, then I’m swingin’,” Ford warns.
“I’ll make it easy for you.”
Then I hear a loud crack, oomph, and then the shattering of glass. I charge out of my hiding place to see Marcus and Ford rolling across the living room floor. There’s glass all over the place and fists are flying. Marcus has the upper hand; he’s on top of Ford, driving his fist into his mouth over and over again.
“Stop it!” I scream, running towards them.
They don’t listen. They keep rolling, and punching, and grunting. I leap over a fallen chair and land directly on a piece of shattered glass. It slices through my foot and I go down with a scream. I reach down, wailing in agony, and cup my foot, my hand quickly filling with blood. This is enough to stop the both of them.
“Fuck,” Marcus mutters, shoving Ford back and standing, striding towards me.
He looks terrifying. He’s drunk; I’ve seen him this way enough to know it. His shirt is opened, his tie gone. His hair is disheveled and he’s got blood running from his lip. He looks dangerous.
“Don’t,” I warn when he goes to kneel.
“You’re cut.”
“Don’t you touch me,” I spit. “Don’t you dare.”
“Stop it, Katia. You’re hurt.”
He reaches out and I skitter back, dropping my foot. “I said, don’t.”
His eyes meet mine, and we stare at each other for long moments. Then he stands up, and turns to Ford. “Clean her up.”
Ford scowls at him, clenching his fists. His big body is panting. He, too, has blood pouring out of a gash in his lip.
“Get out of here,” I whisper, shaking.
Marcus turns back to me. “We’re talking, Katia. I won’t sign anything until we do.”
“You don’t get to control me anymore!” I scream. “You don’t get to.”
“And you don’t get to fuckin’ dictate terms to me. We fuckin’ talk, or I don’t sign. You decide.”
“Get out!” I scream. “Get out!”
He bares his teeth at me, a feral scowl that has me flinching. Then he turns and walks out, slamming the door behind him. I close my eyes, dropping my head. There’s glass everywhere, and blood. My blood. Their blood. Ford steps forward but I put up my hand. “There’s glass everywhere.”
He ignores me and keeps walking, dodging the glass until he reaches me. He leans down and lifts me in one, effortless swipe. He carries me into the kitchen and puts me down on the counter. Without speaking, he turns and walks out, returning minutes later with a first-aid kit. He says nothing as he works on my cut, and when he’s done, he turns and washes his hands in the sink.
“Ford, I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He doesn’t look at me. He’s angry. His pride has been struck. Without turning to me, he mutters, “You decide what you’re going to do, but that man will not come back to my house again. Sort your shit out. Don’t bring me into it.”
Then he disappears down the hall.
My head drops and I close my eyes. This isn’t getting any easier.
CHAPTER SEVEN
MARCUS
THEN
Sweat trickles down my body as I clasp at my stomach, trying to keep the vomit at bay. I drank too much, yet again. Then the nightmares came. Nightmares of her, trapped in heartache, being swallowed up by despair. Her beautiful face twisted in agony as she stares up at me. I’m in control, like I always am. Only in this dream, she reaches up from her position on her knees, and wraps her fingers around my clenched fists.
Then she begs.
Her begging destroys me, even if it is only a dream. She begs me not to leave. She begs me to love her. She begs me to let her stay. I want to tell her I do love her, and that she changed me, but my mouth refuses to open. Instead, I struggle, staring down into her eyes and trying to tell her I fucked up.
I can’t.
My dream won’t let me.
The worst part . . .
Neither will my real life.
~*~*~*~
KATIA
It’s been two days since I’ve seen Marcus and I know, I just know he’s going to chase me up soon. He’s also not going to let me just walk away with a signed document. He wants to talk. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to talk. Besides, what the hell is there to say? There’s nothing he could say or do that could make this better.
“Katia?”
At the sound of Candy’s voice, I turn. She’s got Penny in a stroller after taking her for a walk to the park up the road, and her face is pale. My eyes instantly dart down to my daughter, who is completely happy and content. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“What is it?” I ask.
“The strangest thing just happened to me.”
I narrow my eyes. “Candy, you’re worrying me.”
“Sorry. I was out with Penny, walking her in her stroller at the park. Anyway, we were looking at some birds when . . .”
“Candy . . .”
“I saw Marcus.”
My entire world stops spinning. I press a hand to my mouth and begin shaking my head. No, he can’t have seen Penny. He can’t know about her. He can’t know she exists. Oh God, how could this happen? I should have never let Candy take her for a walk.
“No,” she says quickly. “It’s not what you think. He still has no idea she’s his.”
I blink at her. “I don’t understand.”
“He was running. He saw me and stopped. I snobbed him as much as I could, but I didn’t get the time to block Penny. He looked down at her and said ‘cute kid,’ and then told me to tell you he’s waiting for your call, before running off.”
Cute kid?
Cute. Kid.
I grind my jaw. He didn’t think she looked familiar? Like him, perhaps? This surprises me, considering just how like him she actually looks.
“He didn’t click?”
Candy shakes her head. “No.”
“Jesus.”
She nods, unbuckling Penny and placing her on the ground. My daughter crawls towards me. “I’m so sorry, Katia. When I saw him, I swear I had a heart attack.”
“It’s okay. He didn’t notice, that’s all that matters.”
There’s a strange, unfamiliar emotion running
through my chest. A huge part of me wishes I could deny it, but the truth is, there’s a serious feeling of disappointment radiating in my body. He didn’t notice? He didn’t look into her eyes and just know she was his?
“Katia, are you okay?”
I nod, lifting Penny and kissing her cheeks. This is for the best. This man destroyed my life; I truly don’t want him to know about his daughter. I’m being childish. I’ve let a small moment affect me when it shouldn’t. I need to finish this, so I can move on before things become complicated.
Marcus Tandem will not trap me again.
CHAPTER EIGHT
KATIA
“Would you like a coffee before we start, Mrs. Tandem?”
I shake my head, my hands fumbling nervously in my lap. My eyes keep darting to the door, then back to my lawyer, then back to the door. I want to leap up and run, because running always seems like the easier option. I know it’s not, though. I know running won’t solve anything for me.
“Then let’s begin, shall we?”
I turn my eyes back to my young, rather attractive lawyer. He’s studying me with deep blue eyes covered by dark eyelashes and thick brows. He places his hands on the desk in a casual manner, as if that’s going to make me feel more comfortable about this situation.
“Yes,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
“You’re here because you want to divorce your husband, Marcus Tandem. Is this correct?”
“Yes.”
“And he has other ideas about it.”
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. “He doesn’t want it.”
“Is he refusing to sign? Or refusing to leave in general?”
“We’re separated, Mr. Chan, I assure you of that. We have been for over a year. He just won’t sign the papers.”
He nods. “You’re aware that after a certain period of separation, he doesn’t get a choice? We can take the matter further, but in the end he won’t have much of an option. He can’t make you remain as his wife.”
“The time period, is it twelve months?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“It’s been that long.”
“Then I’ve got enough to send a letter to Marcus’s lawyer, giving them options.”
