“He let it be known from the moment I walked into this house that he could have you back any time he wanted.”
Joanna wasn’t blind; she’d recognized the looks Davey had given Tanner, and the insinuations. “He’d like to believe that. It helps him deal with his ego.”
“And you let him?”
“Not the way you’re implying.”
Tanner mulled that over for a few moments. “How often does he casually drop in unannounced like this?”
She hesitated, wondering whether she should answer his question. His tone had softened, but he was obviously still angry. She could sympathize, but she didn’t like having to defend herself or her attitude toward Davey. “I haven’t seen him in over a year. This is the first time he’s been to the house.”
Tanner’s hands gripped the coffee mug so tightly that Joanna was amazed it remained intact. “You still love him, don’t you?”
The question hit her square between the eyes. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled for the words to deny it. Then she realized she couldn’t. Lying to Tanner about this would be simple enough and it would keep the peace, but it would wrong them both. “I suppose in a way I do,” she began slowly. “He’s the father of my child. He was my first love, Tanner. And the only lover I’ve ever had. Although I’d like to tell you I don’t feel a thing for him, I can’t do that and be completely honest. But please, try to understand—”
“You don’t need to say anything more.” He stood abruptly, his back stiff. “I appreciate the fact that you told me the truth. I won’t waste any more of your time. I wish you and Kristen a good life.” With that he stalked out of the room, headed for the door.
Joanna was shocked. “Tanner…you make it sound like I’ll never see you again.”
“I think that would be best for everyone concerned,” he replied, without looking at her.
“But…that’s silly. Nothing’s changed.” She snapped her mouth closed. If Tanner wanted to act so childishly and ruin everything, she wasn’t about to argue with him. He was the one who insisted they had something special, something so good they shouldn’t throw it away because of their fears. And now he was acting like this! Fine. If that was the way he wanted it. It was better to find out how unreasonable he could be before anything serious developed between them. Better to discover now how quick-tempered he could be, how hurtful.
“I have no intention of becoming involved with a woman who’s still in love with her loser of an ex-husband,” he announced, his hands clenched at his sides. His voice was calm, but she recognized the tension in it. And the resolve.
Unable to restrain her anger any longer, Joanna marched across the room and threw open the front door. “Smart move, Tanner,” she said, her words coated with sarcasm. “You made a terrible mistake getting involved with a woman who refuses to hate.” Now that she had a better look at him, she decided he wasn’t a prince after all, only another frog.
Tanner didn’t say a word as he walked past her, his strides filled with purpose. She closed the door and leaned against it, needing the support. Tears burned in her eyes and clogged her throat, but she held her head high and hurried back into the kitchen, determined not to give in to the powerful emotions that racked her, body and soul.
She finished cleaning up the kitchen, and took a long hot shower afterward. Then she sat quietly at the table, waiting for Kristen to phone so she could pick up the two girls. The call came a half hour later, but by that time she’d already reached for the cookies, bent on self-destruction.
On the way home from the library, Joanna stopped off at McDonald’s and bought the girls cheeseburgers and chocolate milk shakes to take home for dinner. Her mind was filled with doubts. In retrospect, she wished she’d done a better job of explaining things to Tanner. The thought of never seeing him again was almost too painful to endure.
“Aren’t you going to order anything, Mom?” Kristen asked, surprised.
“Not tonight.” Somewhere deep inside, Joanna found the energy to smile.
She managed to maintain a light-hearted facade while Kristen and Nicole ate their dinner and chattered about the boys they’d seen at the library and how they were going to shock Mrs. Andrews with their well-researched report.
“Are you feeling okay?” Kristen asked, pausing in mid-sentence.
“Sure,” Joanna lied, looking for something to occupy her hands. She settled for briskly wiping down the kitchen counters. Actually, she felt sick to her stomach, but she couldn’t blame Tanner; she’d done that to herself with all those stupid cookies.
It was when she was putting the girls’ empty McDonald’s containers in the garbage that the silly tears threatened to spill over. She did her best to hide them and quickly carried out the trash. Nicole went to get a cassette from Kristen’s bedroom, but Kristen followed her mother outside.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sweetheart.”
“You have tears in your eyes.”
“It’s nothing.”
“You never cry,” Kristen insisted.
“Something must have got into my eye to make it tear like this,” she said, shaking her head. The effort to smile was too much for her. She straightened and placed her hands on Kristen’s shoulders, then took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if I don’t see Mr. Lund again.”
“He did this?” Kristen demanded, in a high shocked voice.
“No,” Joanna countered immediately. “I already told you, I got something in my eye.”
Kristen studied her with a frown, and Joanna tried to meet her daughter’s gaze. If she was fool enough to make herself vulnerable to a man again, then she deserved this pain. She’d known better than to get involved with Tanner, but her heart had refused to listen.
A couple of hours later, Tanner arrived to pick up Nicole. Joanna let Kristen answer the door and stayed in the kitchen, pretending to be occupied there.
When the door swung open, Joanna assumed it was her daughter and asked, “Did Nicole get off all right?”
“Not yet.”
Joanna jerked away from the sink at the husky sound of Tanner’s voice. “Where are the girls?”
“In Kristen’s room. I want to talk to you.”
“I can’t see how that would do much good.”
“I’ve reconsidered.”
“Bravo for you. Unfortunately so have I. You’re absolutely right about it being better all around if we don’t see each other again.”
Tanner dragged his fingers through his hair and stalked to the other side of the room. “Okay, I’ll admit it. I was jealous as hell when I walked in and found you having coffee with Davey. I felt you were treating him like some conquering hero returned from the war.”
“Oh, honestly, it wasn’t anything like that.”
“You were laughing and smiling.”
“Grievous sins, I’m sure.”
Tanner clamped down his jaw so hard that the sides of his face went white. “All I can do is apologize, Joanna. I’ve already made a fool of myself over one woman who loved someone else, and frankly that caused me enough grief. I’m not looking to repeat the mistake with you.”
A strained silence fell between them.
“I thought I could walk away from you and not feel any regrets, but I was wrong,” he continued a moment later. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you all afternoon. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I behaved like a jealous fool.”
“Maybe?” Joanna challenged. “Maybe? You were unreasonable and hurtful and…and I ate a whole row of Oreo cookies over you.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I stuffed down a dozen cookies and now I think I’m going to be sick and it was all because of you. I’ve come too far to be reduced to that. One argument with you and I was right back into the Oreos! If you think you’re frightened—because of what happened with Carmen—it’s nothing compared to the fears I’ve been facing since the day we met. I can’t deal with your insec
urities, Tanner. I’ve got too damn many of my own.”
“Joanna, I’ve already apologized. If you can honestly tell me there isn’t any chance that you’ll ever get back together with Davey, I swear to you I’ll drop the subject and never bring it up again. But I need to know that much. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to hear you say it.”
“I had a nice quiet life before you paraded into it,” she went on, as though she hadn’t heard him.
“Joanna, I asked you a question.” His intense gaze cut straight through her.
“You must be nuts! I’d be certifiably insane to ever take Davey back. Our marriage—our entire relationship—was over the day I filed for divorce, and probably a lot earlier than that.”
Tanner relaxed visibly. “I wouldn’t blame you if you decided you never wanted to see me again, but I’m hoping you’ll be able to forget what happened this afternoon so we can go back to being…friends again.”
Joanna struggled against the strong pull of his magnetism for as long as she could, then nodded, agreeing to place this quarrel behind them.
Tanner walked toward her and she met him halfway, slipping easily into his embrace. She felt as if she belonged here, as if he were the man she would always be content with. He’d once told her he wouldn’t ever hurt her the way her ex-husband had, but caring about him, risking a relationship with him, left her vulnerable all over again. She’d realized that this afternoon, learned again what it was to give a man the power to hurt her.
“I reduced you to gorging yourself with Oreos?” Tanner whispered the question into her hair.
She nodded wildly. “You fiend. I didn’t mean to eat that many, but I sat at the table with the Oreos package and a glass of milk and the more I thought about what happened, the angrier I became, and the faster I shoved those cookies into my mouth.”
“Could this mean you care?” His voice was still a whisper.
She nodded a second time. “I hate fighting with you. My stomach was in knots all afternoon.”
“Good Lord, Joanna,” he said, dropping several swift kisses on her face. “I can’t believe what fools we are.”
“We?” She tilted back her head and glared up at him, but her mild indignation drained away the moment their eyes met. Tanner was looking down at her with such tenderness, such concern, that every negative emotion she’d experienced earlier that afternoon vanished like rain falling into a clear blue lake.
He kissed her then, with a thoroughness that left her in no doubt about the strength of his feelings. Joanna rested against this warmth, holding onto him with everything that was in her. When he raised his head, she looked up at him through tear-filled eyes and blinked furiously in a futile effort to keep them at bay.
“I’m glad you came back,” she said, when she could find her voice.
“I am, too.” He kissed her once more, lightly this time, sampling her lips, kissing the tears from her face. “I wasn’t worth a damn all afternoon.” Once more he lowered his mouth to hers, creating a delicious sensation that electrified Joanna and sent chills racing down her spine.
Tanner’s arms tightened as loud voices suddenly erupted from the direction of the living room.
“I never want to see you again,” Joanna heard Kristen declare vehemently.
“You couldn’t possibly want to see me any less than I want to see you,” Nicole returned with equal volume and fury.
“What’s that all about?” Tanner asked, his eyes searching Joanna’s.
“I don’t know, but I think we’d better find out.”
Tanner led the way into the living room. They discovered Kristen and Nicole standing face to face, glaring at each other in undisguised antagonism.
“Kristen, stop that right now,” Joanna demanded. “Nicole is a guest in our home and I won’t have you talking to her in that tone of voice.”
Tanner moved to his daughter’s side. “And you’re Kristen’s guest. I expect you to be on your best behaviour whenever you’re here.”
Nicole crossed her arms over her chest and darted a venomous look in Kristen’s direction. “I refuse to be friends with her ever again. And I don’t think you should have anything more to do with Mrs. Parsons.”
Joanna’s eyes found Tanner’s.
“I don’t want my mother to have anything to do with Mr. Lund, either.” Kristen spun around and glared at Tanner and Nicole.
“I think we’d best separate these two and find out what happened,” Joanna suggested. She pointed toward Kristen’s bedroom. “Come on, honey, let’s talk.”
Kristen averted her face. “I have nothing to say!” she declared melodramatically and stalked out of the room without a backward glance.
Joanna raised questioning eyes to Tanner, threw up her hands and followed her daughter.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Kristen, what’s wrong?” Joanna sat on the end of her daughter’s bed and patiently waited for the eleven-year-old to repeat the list of atrocities committed by Nicole Lund.
“Nothing.”
Joanna had seen her daughter wear this affronted look often enough to recognize it readily, and she felt a weary sigh work its way through her. Hell hath no fury like a sixth-grader done wrong by her closest friend.
“I don’t ever want to see Nicole again.”
“But, sweetheart, she’s your best friend.”
“Was my best friend,” Kristen announced theatrically. She crossed her arms over her chest with all the pomp of a queen who’d made her statement and expected unquestioning acquiescence.
With mounting frustration, Joanna folded her hands in her lap and waited, knowing better than to try to reason with Kristen when she was in this mood. Five minutes passed, but Kristen didn’t utter another word. Joanna wasn’t surprised.
“Does your argument have to do with something that happened at school?” she asked as nonchalantly as possible, examining the fingernails on her right hand.
Kristen shook her head. She pinched her lips as if to suggest that nothing Joanna could say would force the information out of her.
“Does it involve a boy?” Joanna persisted.
Kristen’s gaze widened. “Of course not.”
“What about another friend?”
“Nope.”
At the rate they were going, Joanna would soon run out of questions. “Can’t you just tell me what happened?”
Kristen cast her a look that seemed to question her mother’s intelligence. “No!”
“Does that mean we’re going to sit here all night while I try to guess?”
Kristen twisted her head and tilted it at a lofty angle, then pantomimed locking her lips.
“All right,” Joanna said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’ll simply have to ask Nicole, who will, no doubt, be more than ready to tell all. Her version should be highly interesting.”
“Mr. Lund made you cry!” Kristen mumbled, her eyes lowered.
Joanna blinked back her astonishment. “You mean to say this whole thing has to do with Tanner and me?”
Kristen nodded once.
“But—”
“Nicole claims that whatever happened was obviously your fault, and as far as I’m concerned that did it. From here on out, Nicole is no longer my friend and I don’t think you should have anything to do with…with that man, either.”
“That man?”
Kristen sent her a sour look. “You know very well who I mean.”
Joanna shifted farther onto the bed, brought up her knees and rested her chin on them. She paused to carefully measure her words. “What if I told you I was beginning to grow fond of ’that man’?”
“Mom, no!” Her daughter’s eyes widened with horror, and she cast her mother a look of sheer panic. “That would be the worst possible thing to happen. You might marry him and then Nicole and I would end up being sisters!”
Joanna made no attempt to conceal her surprise. “But, Kristen, from the not-so-subtle hints you and Nicole have been giving me and Mr. Lund, I thought that was exac
tly what you both wanted. What you’d planned.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before…tonight, when Nicole said those things she said. I can’t forgive her, Mom, I just can’t.”
Joanna stayed in the room a few more silent minutes, then left. Tanner and Nicole were talking in the living room, and from the frustrated look he gave her, she knew he hadn’t been any more successful with his daughter than Joanna had been with hers.
When he saw Joanna, Tanner got to his feet and nodded toward the kitchen, mutely suggesting they talk privately and compare stories.
“What did you find out?” she asked the minute they were alone.
Tanner shrugged, then gestured defeat with his hands. “I don’t understand it. She keeps saying she never wants to see Kristen again.”
“Kristen says the same thing. Adamantly. She seems to think she’s defending my honour. It seems this all has to do with our misunderstanding earlier this afternoon.”
“Nicole seems to think it started when you didn’t order anything at McDonalds,” Tanner said, his expression confused.
“What?” Joanna’s question escaped on a short laugh.
“From what I can get out of Nicole, Kristen claims you didn’t order a Big Mac, which is supposed to mean something. Then later, before I arrived, there was some mention of your emptying the garbage when it was only half-full?” He paused to wait for her to speak. When she simply nodded, he continued, “I understand that’s unusual for you, as well?”
Once more Joanna nodded. She’d wanted to hide her tears from the girls, so taking out the garbage had been an excuse to escape for a couple of minutes while she composed herself.
Tanner wiped his hand across his brow in mock relief. “Whew! At least neither of them learned about the Oreos!”
Joanna ignored his joke and slumped against the kitchen counter with a long slow sigh of frustration. “Having the girls argue is a problem neither of us anticipated.”
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