"Thank you for catching him for me. Anne's birthday is approaching, and I would hate to miss it because of that lowlife."
Alexander couldn't agree more. A daughter's birthday meant more. He nodded then winced.
"It was my pleasure," Alexander decided to stick with words for the time being. That hurt the least.
John sat on the bed next to him. "Now that we've chatted for a while are you ready to talk about something more serious?" John asked suddenly.
Alexander frowned not understanding his meaning. "Something more serious?" He repeated.
"You've been holding out on me, my friend," John reprimanded yet it was good-naturally.
Alexander groaned inwardly. He should have known this was coming. John met Clementine after all, and saw them together. Still, he played dumb, hoping this curiosity would pass. No such luck. John was relentless.
"A certain young lady visits you with impressive frequency," he jibed, and Alexander did not even bat an eyelash at that. Unfortunately, John continued. "I know you saved her life, but there is something more going on between the two of you? Nobody is that grateful," he hinted.
It was on tip of Alexanders tongue to start joking back. John's expression suggested it would be better for Alexander if he did not try something like that or change the subject. He needed to simply own the truth.
Alexander sighed. "You are correct. Clementine means a great deal to me," Alexander confessed. Although he regarded her as one of his best friends as well, she was so much more.
If John was surprised Alexander caved in, he didn't show it simply listened to everything his friend had to say with interest. Alexander knew there would come the time when John was going to tease him to no end for everything he uttered on this day. Not today.
Alexander told him everything this time around. He truly omitted nothing, bearing his heart and soul completely. Perhaps it was the near-death experience and being saved by her, in so many different ways that allowed him to see things differently, changed his perspective so that this time he could truly be honest with his dear friend without holding back. Truth be told, he did not want to hold back. Alexander wanted everybody to know about his feelings toward Clementine.
"I see," was all John uttered for a while after Alexander finished his story. Alexander was pleased with himself that he managed to render John speechless. That was a rather rare occurrence.
While he spoke, Alexander realized a few things as well, and now he would seek guidance from his oldest friend, because he truly did not know what to do, feeling as though he was standing at a precipice. Alexander was on an important crossover in his life. Perhaps even the most important ever.
"I am really happy for you, my friend," John eventually continued. "I waited for so long for you to share something like this with me. Nobody deserves a chance of happiness and love more than you," he concluded, and Alexander was genuinely touched by his words. He said as much.
However, there was a ‘but.’ There always was. That was additionally true in Alexander's case.
"I am afraid John," he heard himself say before he managed to change his mind. He needed to get this out. Alexander was sharing his deepest fears at the moment and he did not care for the experience one bit. Feeling vulnerable and exposed was not his cup of tea. On the other hand, he was sure everybody felt the same. There was comfort in that notion. He pressed on, knowing this was something he must do. "I am afraid, John, and I do not know what to do."
"Afraid of what?" John asked in concern.
Alexander struggled to put his feelings into words. How to explain what pressed him in the most accurate way? He wondered. "Of loving her, of her loving me," that was the sum of it. Alexander thought that was at the core of his hesitations.
John frowned hearing him say that. "You need to do better than that, old friend," John prompted for him to dig deeper, explain better to John and to himself.
Alexander took his time to collect his thoughts, feelings, before trying again. And to his credit, John waited, patiently. "I'm afraid she will get hurt for being close to me, for loving me, like Honey did," Alexander managed to say without falling apart. He learned the hard way his actions had massive, catastrophic consequences if he was not being careful.
"Look what happened to her and Pauline, with the whole Diablo mess. What if next time..." He couldn't finish that sentence. The pain was too severe. The physical one he was experiencing couldn't hold a candle to it.
Alexander looked away. He heard John sighing. He must be disappointed in Alexander for being such a coward.
"Alexander, look at me," John commanded. He knew that voice well, so he complied.
When John was satisfied he had Alexander's full attention without losing himself inside his troubled head, his friend said, "You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Honey. It was not your fault. The men who were responsible are now dead, so you need to let that pain and guilt go."
How could he? Alexander wanted to argue back. John did not let him.
"You did not hurt Pauline and you certainly did not kill Honey," John stressed every word.
"But—"
"No arguments," John was adamant. "You did everything right and everything in your power to save your sister. I know, because I was there, as you did everything for Pauline and Clementine."
Alexander really hoped so.
"You need to stop punishing yourself for something that wasn't your doing. Let the past be buried in the past."
Alexander teared up. He wasn't even aware of how much he actually needed to hear John say all of that. Strangely, Alexander started to feel lighter, unburdened, after their conversation. "Thank you," Alexander said simply.
"As for Clementine, I only have one thing to say to you. Do not be an idiot."
Alexander chuckled. "You need to do better than that, old friend," Alexander imitated.
"It is true that we risk our lives every day, and that is our decision. So you have to let Clementine do the same. Let her choose if she wants to be with you or not. Do not make that decision for her," John insisted.
"Actually, that is rather good advice."
"Well, I am smarter than you," John deadpanned, instantly lightening the mood.
"If that's how you need to see things, old man, then so be it. I will allow it," Alexander decided to play along.
They jested for a while, needing some time to relax, decompress, after all that serious talk when John started again. Apparently, they were not done just yet.
"So, is that your plan? Win over the heart of fair Clementine, settle here and join Courtfield’s sheriff department?"
Alexander frowned. Was that his plan? He didn't really think about it. John made him do that and Alexander realized he didn't like the sound of that. At least partly. He wanted, needed, Clementine to be part of his life just not that way. When he pictured their life together, he had some other ideas on his mind.
"I'm not sure I want to be a law officer again. Or a bounty hunter for that matter. Actually," Alexander corrected himself. "I am certain that part of my life is over." He was done chasing criminals.
John looked rather surprised by Alexander's words. "Are you sure? That's not something one can easily leave behind. We are all born like this. This vocation chooses us, not the other way around," John said philosophically.
Alexander didn't have to think about his reply. He was never this sure about something in his entire life. "I am. I am ready for something more peaceful now. I think I want to buy a small farm and become a farmer," he announced. He remembered Clementine sharing that dream with him and he wished to make that dream come true for her.
John started laughing. "Well, I'll be damned. I thought I would never see the day you put your gun away."
Alexander didn't either. That was life for you, highly unpredictable.
"However, I am glad you will."
"So am I."
"Speaking of farms, I think I have something for you that would turn that dream into a real
ity," John said vaguely going for his bag. He pulled a substantial amount of money and placed it on the bedside table.
Alexander whistles. "What's that?"
"That is your bounty reward for catching Diablo."
Alexander grinned, cheered by the sheer amount of it. It was almost worth dying for it, he joked to himself. Luckily, he knew just the right way he was going to spend it.
Alexander waited to completely heal, or enough to be able to walk straight without wincing from pain before going to the store to see his friends, and especially Clementine. Garry promised he would throw Alexander a party when he recovered for saving their favorite girls. Alexander did not care for all the attention, yet he would never refuse Garry's gift. That would be highly disrespectful, and Alexander started caring for the other man. Besides, that gave him an amazing opportunity to achieve his goal. Alexander was going to propose to Clementine.
He felt very nervous while rehearsing what he wanted to say to her as sweat poured down his forehead. For some strange reason, Alexander felt overheated, so he decided to change his shirt, again. He couldn't fathom why he was sweating so much. A rational man would say it was because of the nerves but Alexander did not believe in such nonsense. All his dreams were about to come true.
There was nothing to be nervous about, except that there was. What if she says no? Came a sudden thought. He banished it immediately. As he said before, those were all utter nonsense.
Alexander even prepared an engagement gift for Clementine. That very morning, he went to see Mr. Brewer. Thanks to Diablo's bounty reward money he managed to pay the debt in full. Also, he advised the above-mentioned man to leave the town as soon as possible and never return, since Alexander wasn't planning on being this kind, or forgiving twice. He still remembered how that scoundrel tormented Clementine. Banishment was the least he could do to the other man.
He occupied his mind with images of her reactions once he told her Mr. Brewer was out of her life for good. He hoped she wouldn't take this as an attack on her independence. He liked her just the way she was. This was done with purest intentions from his part and he hoped she would recognize it as such.
Getting to the store, he instantly spotted Clementine, she was laughing at something with Garry and just like that Alexander completely forgot his much-rehearsed speech. It completely vanished from his mind as though if it was never there in the first place. At the same time, his nervousness subsided, and he knew he could do this.
He strolled inside and the people he learned to care about came to greet him. His heart swelled from all the love and support he received from this crowd. Alexander never imagined a group of strangers would accept him like that. And he felt humbled and honored that they did.
After he conversed with Garry for a while and Osmond as well, he turned toward Clementine impatient to speak with her privately.
"May I have a moment of your time?"
She smiled at him before she replied. "Of course."
Alexander took her by the hand and led her out of the store. He would much rather take her to that hilltop where they had a picnic once for this talk, yet Alexander could not wait that long, besides getting on horseback was a bit challenging for him at the moment.
Clementine looked at him expectantly. Once again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, inside and out. He wanted to kiss her’ Alexander refrained from doing such a thing. There would be plenty of time for that later.
"Is there something you need? Are you in pain? Would you like to sit down?" Clementine showered him with questions since he forgot to speak.
Seeing her concerned for his wellbeing sprung him into action. "I am quite well," he was quick to reassure her. "Actually, I never felt better, but that is not what I wanted to discuss with you."
"Oh?"
Alexander cleared his throat before continuing. "I heard about a job opening and I think you would be perfect for it," he started, barely keeping a straight face, in a sudden moment of inspiration.
"More to the point, you are the only one who could ever do it," and that was no lie. Alexander did not want anyone else in his life.
"What is it?" Clementine inquired, retaining a small amount of wariness.
"Before I tell you that, I have to warn you."
"Warn me?"
"Yes. It is a rather full-time job that would demand all your time."
"All my time?" she repeated a bit dubiously.
Alexander nodded, remaining in character.
"Well, for the right price, I guess I would think about it," she joked. "Tell me what is the position?"
Alexander took a little step toward her. "Position is rather unique. It is for my wife, and the mother of my children," he said taking her hands with his. "And the pay is my everlasting love, respect, and adoration toward you, for the rest of my life," he confessed choking up a little at the end, overcome with deep emotions.
"Oh, Alexander," was all Clementine managed to say in return, tearing up. She closed the distance between them and kissed him.
"What do you say?" he prompted, murmuring against her lips. "Do you accept?"
Chapter Thirty-One
"Are you excited?" Clementine asked her niece.
"Oh, yes, Auntie," Pauline replied clapping with her hands. It was good seeing her so full of joy. Clementine worried what happened with Diablo would scar her for life, change her, yet she recovered rather quickly. That was probably due to the fact a child's mind processed things differently. Clementine thanked the Lord for that every single day. It would break her heart if her niece suffered in any way even more than she already did.
Did Clementine recover after what happened? Not so much. Physically she was more than all right and that was not the problem. She had trouble sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweat, in a panic that Pauline was not by her side. With time, she hoped that too would go away.
Seeing Alexander so severely beaten was not easy at all. She was certain Diablo would finish him off if she did not intervene. That was the reason she returned in the first place. Clementine sensed Alexander would do anything, sacrifice his life to save them. She could not let him do that, she was selfish enough to admit she needed him in her life and fortunately together they were victorious.
"Are you ready, then?" Clementine asked another one, eyeing the little girl, making sure her dress was properly put on, both her shoes tied up, hair just right, and so on. This time Pauline simply nodded, giving her Auntie a little twirl.
"The last touch," Clementine said taking a few wildflowers and putting them into Pauline's hair.
"Perfect," Clementine said approvingly and Pauline smiled. "All right, let us go then."
Unlike her niece, Clementine felt beyond nervous that morning. As much as she wished for this to happen for so long, her stomach would not let her be, being all tied up in knots. A part of her was simply terrified and she did not know how to overcome it.
How was she to survive this? Like everything else, she reminded herself, by simply doing what needed to be done. And today's activities were joyous in nature and not something she needed to fear. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
After a short trip, they arrived at the train station. They were lucky, reaching it right on time. Getting on the platform they could already see the train approaching their town.
"Mamma is coming," Pauline cheered in delight. Viola was finally coming back home. And Clementine was glad, relieved even. She missed her friend terribly. Nevertheless, as she noticed before, this was an encounter she dreaded. How was she to face Viola after putting her daughter in harm's way?
Clementine wrote to her about everything that happened, after it happened. She saw no other way than to be honest with Viola and admit her failures. Waiting for Viola's reply was a unique type of torture. She hasn't written back for so long, Clementine became certain that upon receiving the letter and reading its content, Viola instantly started the journey back to Courtfield on foot.
Natur
ally, that was utter nonsense, and only possible in Clementine's imagination. Viola did not do such a thing. She did write back, it was just that the letter got a bit lost on its way and took extra time to arrive at its destination.
And it was better than Clementine expected. In her mind, Viola would demand that she packs Pauline up and send her to her grandfather's house, yet in reality, Viola was full of understanding. There was some concern, fear that man could reappear which Clementine debunked. The fact everything turned out for the better played a large part in her somewhat calm response. Viola expressed sadness she couldn't be there for her baby and once again implored Clementine to help Pauline overcome such trauma.
Despite having all that in mind, Clementine knew words on paper were one thing and having Viola in front of her, looking at her, would be something else entirely.
A Courageous Bride to Bring Him Hope: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 27
