by Jeulia Hesse
She imagined he would be as much at ease in a boardroom as he would be deep in the forest, but he wouldn’t be as happy. He had always been committed to staying in the rural town, or similar place, and she recognized that he had achieved his goal. His career as a biology teacher combined with his summers on the trail gave him what he was looking for. He had built a life and had not pined away in her absence. Life had moved on.
They arrived at a quaint restaurant built in what was an old home from the early days of the town. Several of these stately residences still existed in this neighborhood, although most had been converted into apartments, and others had been repurposed for business use. Along the same street there were signs for attorneys, dentists, and real estate agents in similar old buildings.
A young woman with long, straight dark hair met them at the door of the restaurant. She was shapely and attractive with a long dark dress that swept the tops of her high heeled sandals. Her eyes lit up seeing Kevin, and it was obvious she was attracted to him as she greeted them both, because her eyes never wavered from his face. Christina felt an unwelcome twinge of jealousy for the second time in the past several hours, but she tamped it down. She had no claim on him.
The young hostess showed them to a small table situated in a large bay window looking out onto the street of the small town. “Here you go, Mr. McKinley. Your waiter will be right with you,” she said, smiling at Kevin seductively.
She left them at the table and Christina raised an eyebrow at him. “Mr. McKinley?”
He smiled. “One of my ex-students. She graduated a few years ago.”
“Seems interested in biology,” Christina commented.
Her meaning passed over him, as if he were unaware of his impact on the hostess. He nodded absently, moving his attention to his menu.
They settled in with their menus for a few moments in silence. She noted that although the menu was small it offered fish, meat, and vegetarian options. They all looked appetizing, and Christina’s stomach growled. A waiter appeared in a starched white shirt, black tie, and black apron, and inquired about their drinks.
“What do you recommend?” Christina asked while searching the short wine list.
“There is a nice Oregon Pinot if you like reds, or a sauvignon Blanc from California. Nice and crisp. Perfect for a day like today.”
Christina agreed and accepted the latter. Kevin ordered a stout ale.
“Nice place,” Kevin remarked, looking around the dining room. “It’s small, but classy. Good to see that they are busy on a weeknight, and so early in the evening too.”
Christina nodded, looking around and noting the fine points of preservation in the house from the marble fireplace to the soaring ceilings and ornate moldings. It appeared that they had taken the time and consideration to restore the building back to its heyday in the early 20th century.
Kevin noticed her scrutiny, “So what are your plans for the inn? Are you thinking of remodeling?”
She noticed his hesitation in the conversation; this was a touchy subject between them. She really wanted to avoid getting into a conversation about her overall plans for keeping or selling the property fed right into whether she was planning on staying or leaving. She vowed to be careful where their conversation went. She really wanted to have a pleasant meal, hoping it would give them a chance to reconnect.
She nodded, returning her attention back to her dinner companion. “Yes, I am thinking that we would need to expand the dining area to help establish the restaurant. It would also be nice if we were able to offer space for events.”
Kevin nodded. “Events? Like weddings?”
She smiled at him. Clearly, this was not a topic in his sphere of comfort, but it was nice that he was attempting to make conversation with her. It felt good to be with a man who did not constantly turn the subject to himself, as most of her dates in the past years often did. “Yes, weddings and corporate events. We would be able to put up tents if we expanded the dining room and the patios to accommodate for that.”
“Sounds like you know what you are doing. Did you do this sort of thing in New York?
The waiter quietly placed their drinks on the table, promising to be right back to take their orders.
She sipped her wine before answering. It was delightfully crisp, as the waiter had promised, and tingled her tongue. “At the hotel, I manage the overall operations and have been involved in some of the expansion and construction of new or remodeled properties. So, to answer your question, yes and no. I’ve been part of the team, but I haven’t been the front-line person and decision-maker. Yet.”
He nodded and sipped his beer. She knew he was curious about her life in the city. “Sounds interesting,” he offered, staying neutral.
She smiled, sensing his caution. She appreciated that he was interested in her life, and also wondered about him and the turns his life had taken. But she decided to pick a safe topic, saying, “I was so sorry to hear about your dad. You said he is doing better?”
He visibly relaxed as she switched the conversation back to a subject he was fully comfortable with. “Thanks for asking; he’s really doing well. He had a rough patch, but came out of it. He is a tough guy.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I hope you relayed that I was asking for him?”
“Sure, or you could tell him yourself,” he started to say something and caught himself. “I meant, he stops by the inn on occasion. You might have the chance to run into him.”
She nodded, catching on to his attempt to be neutral in their topic of conversation. “That would be nice to see him.”
The waiter reappeared, distracting them both from the awkwardness of the conversation. Christina decided to try the fish and Kevin ordered the beef. The waiter took their orders and disappeared again, leaving them sipping their drinks.
She took out her phone to glance at the pictures taken during the short flight. “Kevin, I really can’t thank you enough. These pictures are great. It really gives me a perspective I could not have gotten any other way.” She handed him her phone with the photos displayed.
“Oh yeah, these came out really well. Nice camera you have there!” he exclaimed, thumbing excitedly through the pictures.
She pulled her chair closer, allowing both of them to see the photographs. Her leg brushed against his, and she didn’t pull away. She felt as though it was natural to be so close to him. Their confines inside the cockpit of the plane and his truck had her feeling relaxed with his proximity.
He set her phone on the table in front of them, reaching under the table to grasp her hand in his. Her heart leapt in her chest as her small hand disappeared in his. His gaze smoldered. “I was glad to be able to take you up.”
“I was certainly surprised that you fly,” she replied, not removing her hand from his. She sipped her wine to distract herself from his intense gaze.
She fumbled, her hand shaking slightly and causing the wine to miss her lip. He reached out a long finger, capturing the dribble and smoothing the liquid over her lower lip. Heat rose in her immediately at his touch. Her face blushed as he stared at her mouth.
“I like surprises,” he whispered huskily.
The waiter reappeared with their salads and bread, interrupting the moment.
She was glad for the distraction. He had such a profound impact on her. It was immediate and strong, so unlike when they were younger. It was as though their attraction was enhanced over their absence from each other. She had not ever felt anything like it.
They ate their salads in silence. Her chair remained close to him and their thighs touched under the small table. The entrees arrived quickly, leaving no time for further conversation.
The meals were excellent and artfully plated. Simple fresh ingredients, she noted, always made the food taste better. They knew that in the kitchen of this restaurant. They made small talk as they ate their meals. Both enjoyed their selections as they cleaned their plates.
“Is Gina your partner at work?” he asked
as they ate.
She thought about how to answer him. “She is one of my best friends and we work together. She is also one of the best chefs I have ever worked with. There is nothing that she can’t cook or create.”
“She made breakfast the other day – it was fabulous. I can’t believe that Maude has been letting her in the kitchen. They must have really bonded.”
Christina nodded enthusiastically with her mouth full of food. “I know! And Shawn has been hanging around quite a bit.”
“Might be some interest there,” Kevin smiled knowingly.
“He says he is just checking in on the dog,” she said as they both laughed together.
It was obvious to them that Shawn was interested in Gina, and not just for her knack in the kitchen. “I hope he makes a move,” Kevin started. “But he may be hesitant, not knowing how long she’ll be around, I’m sure.”
“Well, I hope he makes a move. If not, she will,” Christina laughed. “But we both have to be back to work on Monday.”
There it was; the timeline. The expression on his face abruptly changed as she answered his question, searing his heart at the same time. Monday was only four days away, if they stayed through the weekend.
She felt his hand reach under the table to find her hand again, but his hand found her thigh instead. Her skin felt as though it caught on fire as he touched her soft flesh. He swallowed deeply, gazing intently into her eyes. Her heart flipped in her chest at his touch. Her eyes fell to his lips. He was so close she could feel his breath on her face, warm and enticing.
His hand shifted up her thigh, and her eyes flew open. “Don’t worry, no one can see,” he whispered, leaning in to delicately take her lips in his.
She couldn’t believe this was happening. The effect he had on her was mesmerizing. She wanted him.
Their delicate kiss ended, and Kevin signaled to the waiter for the check. He completed the transaction wordlessly, keeping one hand on her thigh under the table. They exited the restaurant, thanking the waiter and hostess while moving efficiently to Kevin’s truck parked on a dark side street.
He mutely assisted her into the cab of his truck and slid into the driver’s seat next to her. In a flash, he took her in his arms. His mouth covered hers as his strong arms clasped her against his hard chest. She was instantly on fire, kissing him back passionately and pressing herself against the hardness in his jeans. He groaned loudly at her movement, gaining control, and holding her still in his arms. “I want to take you right here. God, Crissy, you are so beautiful.”
She wantonly pressed herself against him, kissing his neck.
He groaned. “God, I want to, but I can’t. I’m a teacher and this is a public place – not a good idea.”
She stopped on his words, trailing kisses up his cheek. “Let’s go home,” she whispered sexily against his chest as she pulled back.
He nodded, starting the engine, and roaring the old vehicle to life. They headed back up the mountain. She remained next to him in the middle seat as he drove down the highway, before the turn off on the bumpy dirt road to the inn. He reached over, wrapping an arm around her, pulling her as close as the seat restraints would allow.
Old memories surfaced for both of them, of the many nights like this where they drove around the rural roads, thigh to thigh in his old truck. This vehicle was similar, but a slightly newer model. They turned onto the dirt road to the inn, and Kevin laughed out loud. “This is just like old times, with you and me riding down the road.”
She smiled, as she was thinking the same thing. Back in the day, they’d ride down the road looking for a place to park – someplace private where they could be alone together. Her mind drifted further the closer they came to the inn.
Bad memories began to rise in her mind. They had been alone together before, and something horrible had happened while they were consumed with each other. She had been selfishly distracted by their own sexual desires, while Annie was experiencing something that made her go missing. Annie was likely dead, and she had not been around to help her when she needed her most.
A chill rose in her chest, consuming her, and tamping down her desires for the man beside her. Immediately he sensed the change in her, he asked, “Crissy?”
He slowed the speed of the truck, as he tried to see her face in the dim light of the dashboard. Tears glimmered on her face. “Babe, oh baby.”
He pulled over to the side of the road, taking her in his arms the minute they stopped. “Oh Crissy, Oh Crissy...” he whispered to her, kissing her face, and wiping her tears.
He held her against his chest while she attempted to compose herself. It was suddenly overwhelming as she experienced a flashback to a happy time with him where their whole lives were ahead of them, until they suddenly weren’t. Annie’s disappearance had changed everything.
Emotions that she had controlled for so long welled up in her. Feelings of guilt and longing for her missing best friend rose to the surface like a rising storm. It was uncontrollable, as wave after wave of sobs rose and fell as she wept.
He held her as her body rocked with the unshed tears from years of suppression. It was shocking that she had held in this depth of feeling and sadness. She had pulled away from him all those years ago. He had likely felt the sting of her withdrawal. She blamed herself, blamed them both, for not being there when Annie needed her the most. Inheriting the inn in Annie’s place had given her a jolt. It was like a switch had flipped inside her.
“Shh,” he said, “It’s all right.” He continued to hold her while she shook with sobs.
Years of tears rose from her depths, released by the trigger of being with Kevin. She cried until her sobs were reduced to minor tears and her throat was sore. Her chest ached and her breath burned in her lungs. Kevin’s shirt was soaked from her tears. She quieted; sobs still wracked her breaths as he continued to hold her close.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he said, wiping the tears from her face. He pulled her close again, kissing her hair as he did so. “It must be so hard for you, coming back and reliving this all again.”
She nodded with her face against his chest. She felt embarrassed to have let loose like this with him. Her outburst had been uncontrollable, and she was mortified. She was in conflict. She wanted to be with him, but when they were together, it brought back all the turmoil she had left here to forget.
“It’s not your fault,” he said in a whisper.
She stilled in his arms; he could feel her body stiffen as he said the words. He tightened his hold on her ever so slightly. “It’s not your fault,” he repeated firmly.
Her sobs lessened after a time, and she lifted her head to look into his face. It was shadowed in the light from the dashboard. “I should have been there for her,” she whispered up to his face.
He pulled her tight against him again. “There was nothing you could have done,” he stated solidly. “Whatever or whomever made her leave was not any of your doing.”
Her darkest thoughts often went to what would have happened if she had been with Annie the night she disappeared. Would they both be gone? Would whatever force that caused Annie to go missing have swept Christina up in its clutches? They had discussed this many times in the past. The realization had stunned Kevin. His desire to keep Christina safe thwarted his feelings of guilt. They had been together the night Annie went missing. He had always said he was thankful for that. He had always said he did not regret the sin of feeling grateful that she had not been in danger.
The police had theorized that Annie may have been a victim of a random abduction and was likely dead. She was supposed to have left the inn to drive to a party with their small group of friends. Her car was found parked along the side of the road to the party – a long dark stretch of country road with which they were all familiar. There was no signs of struggle or foul play.
She was just gone. Not a sign, not a trace, and not a speck of evidence. It was like she had vanished into thin air.
They sat in the t
ruck at the side of the road, holding each other, as the storm of her emotions passed over. She felt comforted by his words. She knew in her own sensibilities that she was not at fault for Annie’s disappearance. The guilt she bore, simply because she hadn’t been there, was overwhelming.
“I think we all felt the same,” Kevin said. “If there was something we could have done differently, something we could have picked up on, that would have made a difference for her.
“We have all had this trauma squarely in our rearview mirrors for such a long time. I have worked through it, Shawn has made peace with it, and Ada... well, she lost her only daughter.” He continued, holding her in his arms. “I know it’s why you left and why you never really came back.”
He held her away from him to gaze into her face. “My feelings have not changed, Christina,” he proclaimed, his voice hoarse with emotion.
Her heart flipped in her chest, and a combination of hope and dread filled her. It was what she had hoped for and what she feared. Deep in her soul, she knew she still loved him, and it tore at her. It was a deep and unending ache.
“I don’t know if I can do this...” she whispered.
At her words, an insidious chill slowly rose and passed between them. They both felt it. Her skin prickled with the coolness that grew between them.
Quietly, he reached around her and buckled her seatbelt. He slid over and refastened his seatbelt in the drivers’ seat. The engine roared to life, and he gunned the truck forward, spraying rocks behind them. They jostled over the dirt road and arrived in silence to the inn, pulling up to the front portico.
He leapt out of the truck and opened her door as soon as he cut the engine, his feet crunching on the gravel drive. It was still early evening and the inn’s lights were lit. Christina was unsure of what to do. His reaction to her words chilled her, and more than that, she was emotionally spent.
He took her hand and led her to the front steps, pausing to face her. She looked up into his face, shocked by his tortured expression. Was she the cause of this pain?
