by T J Mott
“Painkiller overdose,” Thad answered softly.
“Maybe it was an accident.”
“No. It was intentional.” Thad shook his head. She was medically-trained. She knew what she was doing.
They came to a stop outside a door. “I’m sorry, Admiral,” she said, reaching for the door handle and opening it for him.
Thad looked up at her face and nodded grimly. “Please stay outside.” She nodded an acknowledgement.
He felt his throat tighten, and a cold shiver ran down his spine. Flexing his robotic hand a few times, he stepped into the room. The door shut behind him a moment later.
It was a very small room. In the middle was a single hospital bed. And, lying in that bed with an assortment of wires and hoses attached to her, covered up to her chin with a thin sheet, was Ria Parri. His stomach tightened further and his eyes were instantly wet. The only noises were that of the heart-lung machine that kept her blood flowing and oxygenated.
She was brain dead. The hospital was keeping her body alive until her organs could be harvested and used to treat war casualties. Now, her body was just a warm, empty shell. The woman he had come to love during his time on Ailon was gone, by her own hand, unable to cope with the revelation that the man she loved was none other than Thaddeus Marcell, the pirate responsible for Ailon’s enslavement, and the murderer of her own husband.
His lower lip quivered and he felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks. “Ria,” he said. His voice wavered intensely, cracking on the second syllable of her name, and his knees were on the verge of buckling beneath him. “I’m so s—”
Something huge slammed into his left side and then he was on the ground. He heard an enraged shout and felt a strong blow across his jaw. He grunted in surprise, seeing a few stars in his vision and hearing his ears ring, and tried to kick out, but his kick was unaimed and met only air. Then, he heard a more feminine shout, and as he rolled up onto his knees a moment later, he saw that Poulsen had pinned someone against the wall. His cheek was mashed into the wall, one arm twisted up to the middle of his back and held stiffly in place by Poulsen.
It was Chet Savoy. The former surgeon in Ria’s Foundation clinic who later became Thad’s own platoon sergeant in the war. “Don’t hurt him, Commander!” Thad shouted. She looked over at him quizzically as he slowly returned to his feet, feeling a bit dazed and wobbly.
“You!” Chet growled loudly into the wall. “Why are you here?!” he shouted.
Thad made a pained look at Poulsen. “Let him go,” he repeated.
“Admiral, he just assaulted you!” she protested.
“Let him go, that’s an order!” he shouted back.
She slowly let go of Chet’s arm, but she remained tense and ready to stop him again. He stepped away from the wall, his face red with rage, but he kept his distance and kept his arms wide at his sides. “You’re responsible for this,” he said. His voice was a low growl, and Thaddeus found it startling. He’d never seen Chet angry before.
“I know,” Thad replied darkly.
“She’s dead because of you!” Chet screamed gutturally as he pointed at the bed. “Rin Parri has now lost both of his parents to you!”
Thad looked at Ria. Her eyes were closed and her skin was as pale as death. “I know that,” he said again, his voice a squeaky whisper.
“She was like a little sister to me!” Chet continued. “I’ve been watching out for her ever since the last war!”
Thad managed to turn his eyes away from Ria, and looked at Chet, though his vision was now blurred so badly from tears that he barely recognized the man. He shook his head slowly. “Chet, I don’t even know what to say here. I loved her.”
“Why her?” Chet shouted back. Thad wiped his tears away again, and saw veins pulsing visibly near Chet’s temples. “After you shot her husband to death! Did you think she’d never find out who you were? That you could hide your identity from her forever? Of all the women on Ailon, why her!”
“I didn’t know!” Thaddeus answered hoarsely. He turned back to face what was left of Ria. “I didn’t know,” he said again, this time in a whisper that, despite its weakness, still managed to sap at his strength. “I didn’t find out about that connection until it was too late.” He swallowed, and then his knees finally gave way. He collapsed forward, catching himself on the left side of Ria’s bed, and then he was kneeling beside her body, his head only a couple handspans away from hers, yet unable to make out the details in her face through the tears that blurred his vision.
And then he was sobbing, openly and uncontrollably. He wiped at his tears, and for a second he could see her clearly again. Her lovely red locks. Her skin, now paler than a ghost, and the beautiful freckles that dotted her face. And then his tears refilled his eyes, blurring his vision again and obscuring her.
“What were you thinking?” Chet growled. “That you could just come back to Ailon and make everything right? That everything would be good between you and us if you returned and freed us?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” Thad admitted between sobs. “I just…I just…” He searched for words, but he couldn’t find anything meaningful to explain his thoughts or feelings, and so he just shook his head.
“If I ever see you again, Thaddeus Marcell, I will kill you.” The door opened and shut again, and then Chet was gone.
Thaddeus, his vision still blurred, groped at the side of the bed with his hands, eventually finding his way beneath the sheet and locating Ria’s left hand. He closed his hands down around hers, his mechanical on top and real hand on the bottom. Her skin felt warm and alive, and for a moment it seemed to him that she was not dead but only sleeping. “Ria,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m so sorry. Had I known—” A sob interrupted his words, and he wasn’t able to speak for another pair of heartbeats. He felt Poulsen’s hand come to rest on his shoulder. “Had I known who you were, that your husband was on that convoy…who he was…I loved you. But it wasn’t worth…wasn’t worth this.” He tilted his head forward and down, and rested his forehead on the edge of the bed. “I’m so sorry…” He was only dimly aware that Poulsen was rubbing his shoulder reassuringly.
He heard the door click again, and he tensed to brace himself for another assault. But no attack came. “Well, if this isn’t the most pathetic thing I’ve seen all day,” said the high-pitched, melodramatic, slightly sing-song voice of Commodore Wilcox, the former pirate who now commanded his Organization’s Yellow Fleet.
Thad barely heard Wilcox. Almost all of his attention was on the feeling of Ria’s hand between his. He focused on the warmth and smoothness of her skin, and wished with everything in him that her hand would tighten around his one last time, hoping for any indication that she could forgive him even if she could never love him again.
But she was gone. Self-destructed, because of him.
“You’re an ass, Commodore,” Poulsen said sharply. She gave Thad’s shoulder another squeeze, but it felt more restraining than reassuring. He turned his head to the side, keeping his cheek resting on the edge of the bed, and all he could see of Wilcox was a blurry maroon blob. He was undoubtedly wearing that garish uniform of his, the dark red one that reminded Thaddeus vaguely of eighteenth-century European naval officer uniforms.
“So I’ve been told, many times, by many people,” Wilcox replied with a chuckle. “So this is her?” he asked. “Admiral, have I ever told you about the philosphy of Rigellus, my homeworld?”
Thaddeus buried his face in the edge of the bed again, and shook his head.
“Just go away,” Poulsen said.
Wilcox ignored her and continued speaking. There was not a hint of empathy in his tone. “On my world, we categorize people as either angels or demons. The angels are the innocent, naive ones who believe the best of others and the universe. And when things go wrong, when things come crashing down on them, they learn that all their moral guides and all their hopes and ideals failed them and are worth nothing at all.
“The demons
, though, they see the truth. They know that the universe is a dangerous and cruel place that favors nobody. On Rigellus, we teach people to aspire to be the demons. Don’t bother with morals, and do whatever you need to to get ahead, because that’s how the universe works and that’s the only way to survive. And when things go wrong, the demons are not crushed by it, because they expect it to happen, whereas angels are often destroyed by their hardships as their worldview fails the completely.”
Thad shook his head again, wondering what exactly Wilcox’s point was.
The Commodore continued. “This Ria—and even your Adelia, from the stories I’ve heard—they’re angels. They’re naive and idealistic. They believed the best of everything and everybody, including you. But when they discover the truth of who you are, it breaks them. They can’t deal with that. It destroys their ideals and their beliefs, because angels cannot love demons.
“And this only happened, my dear Admiral, because you are a rare third category of individual. One that’s been rumored to exist, but of which you are the only example I know of. You fall in love with angels, and angels fall in love with you, but eventually they learn the truth: That you’re a demon disguised as an angel. On the surface, you look and act like you have ideals and morals that you follow and believe in, and that apparent nobility leads the angels to you. But beneath it all, you’re just a selfish pirate who cares little for anyone else and takes whatever you want on your foolish quest for Earth.”
“Wilcox,” Poulsen said sternly. “I don’t have the patience for this.” She gave his shoulder a very tense squeeze and held it, and Thaddeus now had no doubt that she was restraining him.
Wilcox laughed mildly. “You keep looking for the wrong kind of love. Give up on angels, because you’ll crush them every single time. Embrace your true nature, that of a Rigellus demon. Like I did. Find yourself a demon woman. One who is like you, one who enjoys your lifestyle and piracy and destructive nature.”
Thaddeus shook his head and grimaced. “Have you ever even been in love before, Sain?”
“Oh yes, many times,” Wilcox replied.
“And have you ever lost someone?”
“A few times.”
Thad sniffled. “And didn’t it drive you to grief?”
“Not like this. Death happens. I realize that and accept it, I even expect it and look forward to it, because I can’t change it. And so it does not wear me down when it happens.”
“Then you were never really in love.”
Wilcox snorted. “You’re wrong, Marcell. And if what I’m seeing in front of me now is love, then I never want to experience it.”
“Commodore Wilcox, I think that’s about enough,” Poulsen warned sternly, her voice beginning to sound enraged.
“You’re far too spunky for you rank!” Wilcox replied. “Anyway, Marcell, I came here to inform you that the Rebel Council has summoned you.”
“What, did you get demoted to messenger duty or something?” Poulsen mocked.
Wilcox laughed again. “I heard why Marcell was here in the hospital, and I couldn’t possibly pass up the opportunity to see my old nemesis in such great discomfort.”
“Get out of here,” Poulsen growled angrily. “And Commodore, you’re a real ass. In a past lifetime, I’d…” Her voice trailed off.
“You’d what? Go ahead, finish the thought, Commander. And find out what happens to people who threaten me.” Wilcox laughed yet again, as if he was greatly enjoying the situation. “All these changes I’ve seen in Marcell this past year, well, I’m worried that soon he will be unable to lead our force.”
“Get out!” Poulsen shouted.
Wilcox chuckled yet again. Thaddeus heard the door click open, but it didn’t click shut yet. “By the way, Admiral. In case you didn’t notice, this Commander Poulsen here is definitely a demon woman.” Then the door clicked shut.
Thad shook his head, feeling grief and annoyance and anger and pain all at once, and gave Ria’s hand one more squeeze before letting go. He raised himself up further on his knees, swiped away the tears from his eyes so he could see her pale, lifeless face one last time, and then he leaned forward and briefly kissed her on the cheek. “Ria, I love you,” he whispered into her ear, even though he knew she couldn’t hear him. And even if she could, would she want to hear those words from him again? After realizing who he was, and what he’d done? “And I’m sorry,” he whispered before pulling away, and then he stood.
Poulsen’s face was reddened, but she still seemed in control of herself. “All of that was very out of line. By light-years. Why did you let him treat you that way?”
“He can be annoying, but normally it doesn’t really bother me much.”
“And why does he still work for you?”
“Despite our differences, he’s good at what he does. He may work for me, but I don’t have to like him.” He sighed sadly, turned to face Ria again, and felt his eyes begin to wet again as he gazed upon her motionless form on the hospital bed. “Let’s go see the Council and get this over with.”
Poulsen’s expression flattened. Now it was now nearly unreadable, although he could see the faintest traces of both anger and pity. She opened the door for him as they left Ria’s room.
***
“Admiral Thaddeus Marcell, you have placed the Council in a very difficult position,” said Rhena, now the newly-appointed Provisional Governor of Ailon.
Thaddeus stood before the Council, which was largely composed of the same individuals as the old Rebel Council that had hidden within the Ailon Relief Foundation’s organizational structure. Abram was not present, having gone into hiding somewhere after his men failed to kill Thad. He was a true coward.
They were in the new Council Chambers in Ailon’s main capitol building, a stark contrast to the repurposed classroom they’d used in the Foundation’s headquarters. Paintings of famous individuals from Ailon’s past hung on the walls, and a variety of potted plants and trees decorated the wood-paneled room. It was still obviously a mid-level government room though, very classy by Ailon’s standards, but nowhere near Imperial in opulence.
Lieutenant Commander Poulsen stood rigidly at attention next to him as his personal bodyguard.
Thaddeus gulped and nodded. “I realize that—”
“Silence,” Rhena warned sharply. Far more sharply than he’d ever seen her speak before. He closed his mouth and blinked a couple times. “Approximately half of Ailon’s population wants to promote you to General and place you in charge of our defenses. And the other half wants you publicly executed in the square, immediately.”
He glanced over at Poulsen, yet her face was neutral and completely unreadable. She seemed to be in much better control of her emotions these days, compared to her time as the Caracal’s main pilot and navigator. Apparently her increase in rank and responsibility had also brought about a marked increase in maturity.
“The Provisional Council has agreed to a compromise. We are in a politically delicate position, dividing into extremely vocal pro-Marcell and anti-Marcell factions. Either of the choices I mentioned earlier could destabilize what little we have achieved so far. Furthermore, given the large contingent of starships you have in our airspace, executing you in the square is obviously a very unwise action for the future of an independent Ailon. Therefore, the Council has decided that you, Thaddeus Marcell, are to be permanently exiled from Ailon. You will leave this planet and never return to our sovereign territory. Any violation of this exile will be punishable by death. Is that clear?”
Thaddeus nodded grimly. “Very clear, Governor.”
“Furthermore, to avoid widening the rift between our factions, the Council rejects the monetary gift you’ve offered us.” Thaddeus shook his head in disappointment. He’d offered them millions of credits, no strings attached, to help them bootstrap their new government and defenses. But, disappointingly, politics and pride came before money here. “For similar reasons, and for the fact that your Blue Fleet was the very same force
that attacked our convoy four years ago, we reject your offer to leave Commander Poulsen’s squadron here until our own defenses can be established. The political risks of accepting any further help from you outweigh the risks of an Avennian counter-attack.”
Thaddeus didn’t respond. How foolish. I don’t expect them to love me now, but it could be years until they have any kind of real defenses of their own.
“Admiral Marcell, before we dismiss you to your exile, do you have any parting words for the Council?”
Thaddeus swallowed dryly, and nodded at Rhena. “Thank you, Governor. I don’t have much to say. I realize I’ve put this Council in a tough position as you try to balance my previous actions against my efforts to help you win your freedom.” He swallowed again. “I have one request, if you’ll allow it.”
“The Council is not open to any requests from you, but we will at least give you the courtesy of making one.”
“Since you’ve rejected my offer of financial aid, then I request that you take a portion of that offer and place it in a trust fund to make sure that Rin Parri is well-cared for.” Thaddeus felt tears threaten to well up in his eyes again. He didn’t know how much Rin knew of his own present situation, but he knew the boy was in for a rough life. An orphan on a newly-independent world, whose parents were taken from him by the man who was simultaneously both Ailon’s most hated enemy and newest hero.
“We must decline. The knowledge that you have provided any financial aid to our situation will be a wedge that could worsen our political situation.”
Thaddeus exhaled sharply. “Governor, then, don’t let it be known that the money came from me. If anyone asks, just say it was liberated from an Avennian account you discovered, or something like that. Listen, I’m responsible for devastating the Parri family, and while I don’t expect any sympathy from you…I already took everything of value from him. If I depart here and leave him with nothing, well…” He shook his head. “I just want to give him a fair shot at life.”
