by Debbie Burns
“I’m so glad you came in so I don’t have to face these people all alone this morning.”
Linda paused mid-chop on her mushroom. “Are you kidding? They’ve been running you nonstop all weekend without you doing all the cooking.”
Josie finished tying on an apron and stretched as her tea steeped. “Anything for Myra, right?”
The house stirred to life as they worked to prep a large farewell breakfast for the guests. Showers ran, floors creaked, and guests gradually wandered down for tea and coffee as they waited for breakfast. The sound of a few suitcases being rolled across the floor overhead caught Josie’s attention. The weekend hadn’t turned out anything like she’d feared, but it would still be a relief to send the guests on their way after breakfast. Except for Carter. He’d be staying another night.
Whenever he came to mind, her thoughts and feelings circled like the winds of a hurricane, too fast and too intense to make sense of.
A little over an hour later, Josie and Linda had eight frittatas baking in the oven, filling the room with the smell of hot butter and cheese. After prepping the rest of the meal, Josie slipped off her apron and headed out to the patio to check on Zoe, who’d woken up and followed Myra outside to talk to the guests. Not to Josie’s surprise, Zoe was knee-deep in another sandcastle war. Her face was a mask of fierce determination as she eyed up the competition from the older of the two boys.
Josie knelt in front of the sandpit and swept Zoe’s hair aside to plant a kiss on the back of her neck. “Having a good morning, baby doll?”
“Yes. When’s breakfast?”
“In about ten minutes.”
“Do I still get doughnuts today? Like you promised? Because tomorrow I’m going to school.”
“Yes, once everyone leaves, we’ll head into town, and you can pick out a few. Be thinking of something special to do today, too, like I said.”
“I already did. Myra and Carter already said yes too.”
Josie cocked her head in surprise. “Is that so?”
“Yes,” Zoe uttered before turning to tell the youngest boy that he was taking too much sand.
Still kneeling, she scooped Zoe’s chin into her hand so that she’d look in her eyes. “Why didn’t you ask me first, Zoe?”
“Because you said I could have my pick, and my pick depended on who would come. So, I asked.”
“And when were you going to share this with me?”
“When you finished being busy.”
Josie pressed her eyes shut for two full seconds before replying. She couldn’t argue the truth in that. “Okay. What is it you want to do today?”
“Have a picnic in the park by the river, then go to Chestnut Mountain and go down the mountain slide.”
The slide wasn’t a surprising request. It had become Zoe’s favorite activity this summer. But asking Carter to come was something else altogether. “And you asked Carter to join us?”
“He makes me happy,” Zoe said matter-of-factly before threatening the little boy with, “If you take any more sand from my spot, I’m going to tell your mom.”
The knot twisting inside Josie had nothing to do with hunger. Zoe was longing for a father figure. She knew it. Myra knew it. Linda knew it. Before Carter came, it just wasn’t so obvious. But truth was truth, and she might as well not deny it.
Even so, her throat locked surprisingly fast. For some reason, Zoe’s wish of companions this afternoon had scraped her insides raw and had her eyes stinging.
Blinking away the sting, Josie watched as Zoe dropped her scoop and army-crawled over to the oldest boy. “You aren’t supposed to scoop from my side.”
When the boy aptly complained that Zoe’s side was much bigger than his, Josie helped carve out a more reasonable middle ground. She reminded Zoe to share like the big girl she knew she could be, which brought Ms. Richard’s words to mind again. What about those all-too-important kindergarten lessons that Zoe missed out on? Wait, isn’t there even a book about that? Oh God, Zoe’s screwed.
“Hey, I’ve got to help finish breakfast.” Her throat constricted so much that her words came out short and choppy.
She made it to the kitchen where Linda was setting everything on trays. “Grab those last five frittatas out of the oven, will you?”
Not trusting herself to speak, Josie grabbed a mitt. She slid them out one by one, and by the time she reached for the fifth, her eyes were so blurry from unshed tears she couldn’t see a thing.
“What is it?” Linda asked, spying the glossy wetness of her eyes.
Josie shook her head. “Not now.”
Linda frowned, setting her hands on her hips. “Girl, you can’t carry the mountain all the time.”
Her mouth opened, but she pulled the words back before they tumbled out. The urge to unleash it—all of it—was suddenly pressing in harder than ever. Instead, she stamped her foot. Then, when it helped just a bit, she stamped it again.
Linda released a sigh. “If you’re not willing to let yourself have a good cry, then I have just the thing. There’s a five-pound bag of walnuts that was delivered last week that was supposed to be chopped, but instead it’s halves. Why don’t you have a go?” She fished a mallet and cutting board out of the drawer and handed it to her. “They’re in the pantry. I can get breakfast served without you.”
Josie gave a nod of surrender, though she had a suspicion that by the time she was done with the walnuts, the kitchen was going to look like a test lab had exploded.
Chapter 9
An hour after the weekend guests left, Josie sank onto Myra’s plaid blanket. They were at the park overlooking the Galena River on the south side of town. After getting Zoe her own plate of food, Josie picked up a plate for herself and piled on everything that looked appetizing, from hummus and sliced cheese and fruit to the leftover tea sandwiches. She’d gone from hungry to hangry in the last half hour, not having carved out much time to eat for the third day in a row.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Josie asked, seeing that Myra hadn’t reached for a plate. “I’m starving.”
“It was such a wonderful breakfast. I think I’ll just sit awhile and enjoy the view and the company.”
After three bites of her sandwich, Zoe abandoned her lunch and let her plate tilt sideways, sending a handful of grapes and a few pretzels cascading to the blanket. She was fixated on a man flying a kite along the riverbank to the delight of his two kids.
“Can I go watch, Mom? I won’t try to take over.”
“I didn’t think you would.” Josie swiped a strand of hair out of Zoe’s eyes. “How about you finish your lunch first?”
“It’ll be crashed by then. I’ll just go for a minute, and I’ll be right back.”
Knowing Zoe would be hard-pressed to eat another bite until she’d satisfied her curiosity, Josie consented. “Stay close so you can hear if I call.”
Discarding her plate, Zoe popped up and flew across the lawn, stopping short of the two kids by ten or twenty feet.
“She’s a cute kid,” Carter said after finishing a cracker piled with cheese and turkey salami. “Really cute.” He watched her for a moment, then sprawled back on the blanket and closed his eyes. “I’m not as young as I used to be; I’ll tell you that.”
“Anytime I find myself thinking that, I follow it with a reminder of how I’m younger than I’ll ever be again,” Myra said.
Eyes still closed, Carter cocked an eyebrow. “True, but a decade ago, I could party most of the night without losing a minute of productivity the next day. Last night, I had four beers, and today I feel as if I’ve been wandering around lost in the desert. I’m sure it doesn’t help that, after eleven years of not smoking, I made the stupid decision to buy a pack of cigarettes last month. I was hooked again with that very first one. I’ve been trying to limit myself to one or two a day, but I’m way too focused on trying to dec
ide when’s the best time to have them.”
“It sounds as if you’re getting better at listening to your body. It’ll tell you when you’re treating it well and when you aren’t,” Myra said. “And how old are you, anyway? Thirty-four? Thirty-five?”
“You’re good. Thirty-four, closing in on thirty-five.”
“Then you’ve finally reached the age when life starts to get interesting.”
Carter sat up and chuckled. “I won’t argue about the last few months being anything but dull.”
It was Myra’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “I’ve been wondering why you and your fiancée broke it off; I’m hoping you’re about to tell us.”
After nearly choking on the bite of cucumber, turkey, and cream cheese tea sandwich she was chewing, Josie shot Myra a look.
Myra responded with a wave of her hand. “I’m too old to be courteous. He can answer or opt not to. No harm is done by those who question the order of the universe.”
Carter leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, locking his gaze on Zoe. A few dozen feet away, she was still mesmerized by the kite flying.
“I’ve been asking myself if it matters whether or not the reason we split is one big one or a million little ones. Maybe the only thing that really matters is that it’s over.”
“And what have you decided?”
As if contemplating Myra’s question, he picked up a gnarled twig at the side of the blanket and snapped it. “That it’s time to move on.”
“If you’ve given it your best,” Myra continued, “then, most likely, that’s a good decision.”
Feeling like she was eavesdropping on a private conversation, Josie grabbed her stainless-steel water bottle and headed over to check on Zoe. The kite-flying dad smiled a welcome from ten feet away.
“I’m only watching, Mom,” Zoe said. “Did you see it bang their dad on the head? It didn’t hurt him, and it didn’t break either. It’s really flying now.”
“I saw that,” she said, offering the father a half wave. “Don’t you want to eat, Zo?”
“A little longer. Please.”
Josie glanced at the father, who’d been relaying instructions to his oldest child. “We don’t mind her company.”
The man was easy to talk to. When he learned that Zoe’s first day of school was tomorrow, he unleashed a stream of praise about how happy he and his wife were with the school and how Ms. Richards had been both his kids’ favorite teacher so far.
Relief washed over Josie at this unsolicited praise about Zoe’s first teacher. Even so, the conversation had her stomach doing somersaults. She was going to miss the days when it was just her and Zoe, Myra, the other staff, and the guests at Myra’s tea garden.
From now on, they were going to be much more connected to a world she’d done her best to avoid.
They were safe here, she promised herself. Enrolling Zoe in school had been the right decision. Wasn’t it?
As if in answer, the kite skittered in a gust of wind and nose-dived to the ground. The kids, Zoe included, broke into gales of laughter.
Josie forced a smile and reminded herself that foreshadowing was for stories, and fate was what she made it. Staying in control was the one thing that had always gotten her through.
When they returned to their picnic spot, Myra and Carter were deep in conversation. It irked Josie the way they fell silent at her and Zoe’s approach. Swallowing a wave of jealousy over how easily Carter was drawing Myra in, Josie sank to the blanket and picked up a second tea sandwich.
Rejecting her partially eaten sandwich due to an ant, Zoe heaped a mound of red grapes onto her lap while giving Carter and Myra a play-by-play of the kite flying. When Carter laughed at her animated descriptions, Zoe beamed and said for the second time since they arrived that she was happy he came.
“I’m glad you invited me.” He reached over and ruffled her hair. “In fact, I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing.”
When Josie met his gaze, he offered her a wink that caused a jolt of energy to circle all the way down between her hips. She did her best to look indifferent, but her cheeks betrayed her and flamed hot.
As if letting her know he’d caught it, he added subtly, “Well, maybe one.”
Thankfully, Carter’s poorly camouflaged innuendo seemed to fly over Zoe’s head as she folded over to study the ants who’d invaded her plate. Josie seized the opportunity to flick a cracker at him, though, as soon as she did it, she realized he’d be just as likely to assume it was a flirtation as the rebuke she’d intended it to be. It smacked him on the thigh before falling to the blanket, causing his lopsided grin to widen.
An hour and a half later, once they’d wrapped up the picnic and made it to Chestnut Mountain, Josie’s big meal was sitting like a lead ball in her belly. Having been cramped in the back of Carter’s bright blue Mustang GT hadn’t helped either.
As she, Zoe, and Carter headed up in what was normally a two-seater chair lift to the Alpine Slide, Josie pressed the bar tighter against her. She’d ridden the slide enough that she ought to be used to the lift. She glanced behind them in hopes of seeing Myra, who was watching from the bottom, but she was no longer in sight. Off to the side, two concrete runs snaked through the green grass below them, seeming much further away than the thirty or forty feet they were.
“What a view,” Carter said as they neared the top, and he took in the rolling countryside below them. Chestnut Mountain was far enough outside of town that no development interrupted the view; the wintertime ski resort was currently an expanse of brilliant green hillsides dotted with trees and cattle and the Missouri River in the distance.
“You can see five states from the top, right, Mom?” Zoe leaned into her as they prepared to get off.
“Three, they say, when the skies are clear like today.”
Zoe reached for both Josie’s and Carter’s hands before jumping out of the lift. So, this is what it’d be like to have someone on Zoe’s other side. Like a real family. As soon as they’d hit solid ground, Josie dropped Zoe’s hand like a hot potato. Safely out of the way of the lift, she bent over to fiddle with her sandal, collecting herself. A real family. Something she and Zoe would never have.
Unaware of her turmoil, Carter paused, taking in the view. “I tell you what, Zoe. You can’t get fresh air like this in New York City, that’s for sure.”
“New York City is where the great lady lives.”
“What great lady?”
“The great lady.”
“The Statue of Liberty?”
“Yeah, her. We have a book about her. It’s Myra’s.”
“You’ll have to read it to me later.”
“I can’t read very well yet. Myra and my mom read it to me.”
Carter glanced at Josie; she held his gaze only a second before looking away.
“Something tells me she won’t read it to me, so maybe you and I can read it together.”
Suppressing a snort, Josie shook her head. “Ready, Zo. We shouldn’t leave Myra waiting too long.”
They filed into the line to go down the slide behind a dozen others. Only one slide was open today, but the wait wasn’t long.
Bubbling over with excitement, Zoe jumped up and down, then wiggled like a worm. “Can I go with Carter the first time, Mom, so he’s not afraid?”
Josie ran her fingers through Zoe’s hair. She expected as much the way Zoe had doted on him all afternoon. “Sure, baby.”
“I don’t want to put you out,” Carter said.
Rather than acknowledge the compassion in his gaze, she looked down the long hill. The truth was, he was half the reason Zoe was glowing from ear to ear today. “I’m fine going solo.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
Just before her and Carter’s turn, Zoe buried a kiss against Josie’s cotton sundress. After another wiggle
of her hips, Zoe loaded onto the front of their sled. She squealed in anticipation as she and Carter waited to be cleared to go down the mile-long concrete run.
Carter and Zoe whooped in unison as they took off. Josie stood there listening to them holler their way down the mountain. When it was her turn, all last traces of muddled irritation had vanished. The speed and wind in her hair was a rush. By the time she serpentined to the bottom and slid to a stop, even the sight of Carter standing next to Myra and Zoe like he perfectly belonged didn’t seem off.
Myra and Zoe clapped in unison. “Isn’t it the best thing ever, Mom? It’s my favorite thing in the world!”
Carter offered his hand to help her up and, even though she didn’t need it, she decided it wouldn’t hurt to take it. It surprised her a bit, the feel of a man’s hand. It had been so long, she’d all but forgotten it.
She was pretty sure Myra was giving her a knowing look, but she refused to glance her way in confirmation.
Carter let go once she was on her feet, but the tips of his fingers brushed hers, igniting her skin along the way. “You know, Zoe, I didn’t realize how beautiful your mom is when she forgets to lock up her smile.”
Josie’s heart walloped involuntarily as Zoe’s eyebrows wrinkled into a knot. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“That’s all right. You’re only six. What do you say we don’t worry about it and go up again?”
Chapter 10
When the alarm went off at 6:15 Monday morning, Josie resisted the temptation to linger under the cool comfort of her sheet. As her disjointed dreams retreated into the shadows, she remembered the reason for having set an alarm for a Monday, when the tea garden was closed. Today was it: Zoe’s first day of school.
Her insides feeling as if she’d swallowed a fish, she sat up, wide awake. In the adjacent room, past the propped-open french doors, Zoe slid out of bed and trotted over to the small dresser where her new outfit was folded on top.
