by Ann Aguirre
“It’s not a secret. Since I won’t be around and I don’t want him to worry, I need somebody there, someone to be me, so he’s not alone.”
“She won’t be real,” he warned. “Not much personality. And she won’t last forever. My power has limits.”
“That’s fine. If she could just stay for a while, until I’d be going off to college, that would help. It’ll give him time to get used to the idea.”
“Of losing you?” The Harbinger’s mouth tightened. “I was a father once, and trust me when I say, there is no time sufficient for that.”
“Do I remind you of your daughter?” I asked.
That might explain his unwilling interest.
He shook his head. “I had two sons, strong, beautiful boys. They took after their mother.”
Wow. That’s the most personal thing he’s ever said. I was tempted to follow that line of questioning but I had limited time to make this deal. The night was ticking away, and when the morning came, I had to move quickly. It seemed unspeakably wrong to mourn for Kian in a single night, but he’d said it with his dying breath. He wants me to fight. I never promised I’d live to a ripe old age or settle down with someone else.
“So we’ve established this is something you can do. Now here’s what I’m offering—you can feed on me like you did Nicole, so take as much as you deem fair for this service.”
He stared at me. “You have alarming confidence in my decency. I could steal anything from you and call it just. You do know I’m the trickster, yes?”
“But not when it comes to your bargains. The only rule you respect comes from such agreements.” I quoted him directly, reminding the Harbinger what he’d said at our first meeting.
His gaze intensified, his aura kicking in. Somewhere along the line, he’d stopped using it with me, and its return was overwhelming. “And what is the first rule? The trickster lies.”
“I think you mean the doctor, and I don’t believe you were, not about this.”
Finally, he glanced away, his gray eyes on the fireplace. “I’m only agreeing to this because I want to keep a little of you with me. Do you understand that?”
“It’s a little gross and parasitic, but yes. Did you want to keep Nicole too?”
“No. I don’t keep everything I take. Sometimes people are just fuel, like wood for a fire, and there’s only ashes left.”
“Even ashes carry traces of what they used to be,” I murmured. “That’s how they can tell certain buildings in Scotland have been patched up with mortar made from the dead.”
“You know the oddest things.” But he was smiling.
“Then we have a deal?”
“Indeed. When do you wish your replica to appear?”
Much as I wanted to say good-bye to my dad, it would rouse his suspicion and might endanger him. Squeezing my eyes shut, I spoke the most difficult word of my life. “Now.”
“Then first you must pay,” he whispered.
“Okay.” I stood up, unsure what he wanted me to do. The black gypsy shawl trailed down my back, and the woven rug felt soft beneath my feet.
“Come here.”
Weirdly I felt like some gothic bride, going to her doom, after having married the scarred, demonic lord of the castle, despite numerous warnings that he was no good. The Harbinger held up a hand when I got within arm’s reach. If he didn’t look so serious, I might be worried that this was an elaborate joke, wherein he’d chortle and turn me down. If that happened, I didn’t know what I’d do because I couldn’t stand to think of leaving my dad alone.
“Did I do something wrong? Oh, did you want me to call some power from my spirit familiar? That might make me … spicier or something.” God, it was weird talking about myself like I was a plate of Buffalo hot wings.
“No, I only want you. I’ll try not to hurt you.” With that alarming statement, he pulled me against him, and it was like being embraced by cold light and marble.
I knew he didn’t have to touch to feed, but maybe this was his way of communicating that I was different from Nicole. A pang of pity went through me, and I wondered where she was, if she was in a mental facility for loving him too much, giving him everything; to him, she was disposable, a brown-bag fast-food meal. That should make me hate him, but I couldn’t quite get there. He’d shown me too much of his heart.
The Harbinger touched his brow to mine, and the first sharp pull felt like a pinch inside my brain, not quite a headache, but pressure. I went light-headed. It was invasive and awful, and I could feel him practically inside of me, learning my secrets and hidden longings. Every fear and insecurity, it felt like he fondled them before moving on. When he pulled away, I felt nauseated and a little dirty.
“Is that enough?” My voice came out hoarse.
“Yes.” To my surprise he didn’t sound any better, rough and shaken, though his face had more color. But when he stumbled back to his chair, his hands were trembling.
“What … are you all right?”
“Don’t ask me that,” he bit out.
“Why not?”
“Because you have too much of me already. You won’t know this, Edie Kramer. I won’t give you that answer.”
“Sorry. Can you send the other me home now?”
“In due time.” He got a bit of clay and worked it into a rough replica, then he whispered to it, and it shimmered before my eyes, evolving into … me. Without another word, it vanished, I assumed to my apartment.
“Thank you.”
“The business between us is concluded, dearling. You cannot stay the night, for my impulse now is not to comfort or be kind.”
I nodded. “Take me back. My work’s just getting started.”
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
I spent the night in a twenty-four-hour diner, nursing my coffee and watching my phone. I’d sent several texts and now I was waiting to hear back. The waitress was tired of topping me off by the time I left, but this was better than roaming around in the dark. Better than anyone, I knew the monsters lurking in the shadows. At daybreak I paid my ridiculously small check and went out into the cold.
I’m never going home again.
From the diner, I headed toward the subway station, but halfway there, I heard the unmistakable ring of hobnail boots. The bag man had chased me once before and then I’d run after him, before I came into power. The Harbinger saved me from myself. But now there would be an end to this. I didn’t know if Wedderburn had sent him after me, but I wasn’t afraid of the bogeyman that murdered my mother.
There’s nothing you can take from me.
Whirling, I pressed to activate Aegis and braced in battle stance. I heard his boots but I didn’t see him. More immortal glamour. So before he could blindside me, I got out my compact and opened it. Cameron’s face greeted me in full reflection; I hadn’t used him since I took Dwyer’s heart. I whispered the word Rochelle had taught me, and then that dark strength surged over me, enveloping me. She’d said I would learn about Cameron’s abilities as I used him, but each time I did, it felt like I lost a little of myself.
Who cares? he whispered. Together, we’re stronger. Now we make this thing pay for what he did to us.
Hazily I questioned that pronoun but then my eyes shifted focus, nothing I could quantify but suddenly I was seeing across multiple spectrums, incredibly distracting but also wonderful, and it showed me in purple inverse glow how the bag man was sneaking up on my left. I spun with my blade up and laughed quietly.
“Did you think that would work? I’m not the same frightened little girl anymore.”
“No,” the monster said, smiling. “You’re practically one of us.”
That horrified me, but not enough to make me drop my weapon. His jagged blade flashed, then the dead-eyed children appeared on either side of him. Three against one. I didn’t know if the kids would actually fight. The girl-thing had given me the impression that she’d feed on me, though, if I had been dumb enough to let her in.
“Let’s do this.�
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“Do you think I’ve come to do battle, you who slew a god?” The bag man shook his head. “I’m here to deliver a message.”
Say it. And then I’ll kill you.
“From Wedderburn?”
“He says he’s waiting … and that he knows you’ll come.” He’d hardly finished speaking when I rushed him.
The bag man threw up his blade to block but he was too slow. Through the icy spirit armor, I hardly felt the slice on my forearm. Aegis sailed past and through his neck, severing his head. He vanished in a shimmer of smoke. Maybe I should’ve hesitated but as the children lunged at me with claws and fangs bared, I struck them too. The girl-thing died first, followed by the boy, and then I was alone on the sidewalk in a shimmer of black particles. The bag dissipated too, so I couldn’t retrieve my mother’s head, assuming he still carried it. I should’ve felt some satisfaction at making them pay for what they did for my mom, but the pit in my stomach grew. Not hunger but something like it.
See how weak they are, compared to you? Cameron hummed with pleasure in my head, and when I checked my compact, we’d hardly expended any power. I nodded absently as I returned Aegis to its position on my wrist, then I continued toward the subway. Though I felt like absolute shit, I made the decision not to look for Kian’s mom. The state would find her and give her the news. When I had the Harbinger send the replacement to my house, I’d abdicated from normal life.
As I went down the steps, my phone vibrated. I skimmed the message and then adjusted my destination. On public transport, it took longer for me to get to the church where I’d first met Raoul than when Kian drove me. Will his mom sell the Mustang? No. I can’t think like that. Dwelling on the past would make it harder to do what I had to.
Until people started stepping away from me on the morning commute, I didn’t realize I still had Cameron powered up. But evidently they could feel the cold or something off about me because there was a huge gap between me and everyone else. Smirking, I left it alone. I might be attacked anytime, and what did I care if I creeped some random strangers out?
Raoul was waiting in the confessional, as before. “Have you thought about our offer? This is faster than I expected.”
“Kian’s dead,” I said flatly. “And that changes everything.”
He swore in Spanish. “You promised—”
“It was his choice. I hate it and I wish I’d died instead, but … I didn’t. He made sure.”
“Stupid boy.” Raoul’s voice sounded thick, and I could tell he was fighting tears. “This was never part of the plan.”
I didn’t let his grief jump-start my own. It was locked away inside my heart. Maybe one day, when this was over, I’d let myself feel it again. Until then, the moments of heartbreak I’d shared with the Harbinger had to suffice.
“It was Kian’s plan,” I said softly. “Not ours. So now I play the hand I’m holding.”
Raoul took a couple of steadying breaths and his tone became brusque. Like me, he understood there was a time and place. “What do you have in mind?”
I told him.
“That’s suicide, mija.”
“Maybe. But those are my conditions. If you want me to fight for the Black Watch, then you come with me. Afterward, if we both survive, I’ll train with you for however long you want and follow that Smith guy’s orders. But before any of that, I see the end of winter.”
“I don’t have a sword that lets me kill immortals,” he reminded me.
“The building will be full of human minions. Can you take care of them?”
Before, I hadn’t known if I could cut people down, those who lived, breathed, and bled. Now the answer was yes. Anybody who stood between Wedderburn and me had it coming.
“I have those skills, yes. But why is it so imperative for me to accompany you?” Raoul asked.
“Because you know the building layout. You know Wedderburn’s weaknesses. Basically, you’re my ringer, and I have to use you.”
He hesitated for only a few seconds before saying, “Very well. I accept your terms. When do you want to go?”
“The sooner the better. I’m waiting to hear from one more person. Once I find out what she says, I’ll text you.” With that, I opened the confessional door.
“I won’t tell Master Smith. He would not approve.”
“Since I’m not on his clock yet, I don’t give a shit.” Feeling mildly guilty, I added, “But I’m sorry if this gets you in trouble.”
“In this case, I think he’d say the end justifies the means.”
“Doesn’t he always feel that way?”
Raoul didn’t respond, so I headed down the aisle, conscious of the shadows on either side. Sunrise caught the stained-glass panels as I passed, infusing everything with jewel tones. Outside, it was a warmer day than we’d seen recently, proving that we didn’t need Dwyer for the sun to rise or for the seasons to change. I pulled up the hood on my jacket to avoid scrutiny from passersby. Cameron wrapped around me a little tighter.
You’re not one of them anymore. You’re special.
And maybe some part of me had always wanted that. I’d told Raoul’s mentor that I never wanted to be the one who saved the day. That was … misleading. Because while I didn’t want that, there had always been a darkness that yearned for revenge. It was what drew me down this road in the first place. Someone with a better, purer heart would’ve refused the deal.
Maybe it wasn’t goodness that drew the Harbinger to me. It could’ve been the call of like to like.
I met Allison Vega at a coffee shop not far from Blackbriar. As usual, she was flawless, curvaceous, and beautiful. Her green eyes were especially vibrant, and they reminded me of Kian’s. Somehow I managed not to flinch.
“You’re looking worse for the wear,” she said as I sat down.
“It’s been a shitty few days.”
“I hear you’ve been busy.” She examined her cuticles, pretending disinterest, but I could tell she was dying for details. Even in the supernatural world, she thrived on gossip.
“More than. I’m up to four dead immortals, at last tally.”
“Four,” she breathed. “I only heard about Dwyer.”
“Yeah, I added some to the tally this morning. And if you want to stay on my good side, you’ll hear me out.”
“First tell me who you killed.”
Shrugging, I did. “He was the asshole that beheaded my mom. I’d like to say she’s at peace now, but I doubt she knows the difference.”
“You’re glum and nihilistic today.”
“You would be too,” I said quietly. “If you watched your boyfriend die the day before.”
“Holy shit.”
It took a little longer to get her up to speed, but since she’d offered to help me with my dad, she might be interested in some real action. For a creature like her, it must be boring to spend her time in high school, even if that was the best place to feed. I sensed that she missed real mayhem, and I could offer that in volume.
“So basically, I’m inviting you to participate in the raid,” I finished. “Lots of carnage, lots of killing. There’s bound to be great stuff locked up in there too. I know for a fact that Wedderburn has a vault full of artifacts and future-tech.”
“Are you offering me loot privileges?” she asked, amused.
“Does it sweeten the pot?”
She ran a red lacquered nail around the rim of the cup. “Somewhat. But honestly, you had me at ‘carnage.’ Things have gotten so civilized. I was just having dinner with Graf the other night, and he’s so bored, you wouldn’t believe it. Sure, there are a few countries where the fighting never stops but so many humans are all about giving peace a chance.”
“But … Graf is allied with Wedderburn. If you’re on dinner terms…” And I shuddered over what they had probably eaten. “How can you think about—”
Her smile was awful, hinting at the real face hidden beneath her candy-box beauty. “There’s social, and then there’s pleasure. Graf w
ill absolutely understand. In fact, if we create a big enough boom, he may wade in. He loves a party.”
“But against who?”
Allison shrugged. “He might flip a coin. You can never tell how War will turn.”
That didn’t sound like a very safe alliance for Wedderburn, but it wasn’t my problem, unless Graf unloaded on us. “So I can pencil you in as ‘yes’?”
“Write it in waterproof ink. Just tell me when. And since you sweetly included me in this festival of death, I’m going to clear something up for you.” Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “They once called me Lilith. And, yes, I existed before you monkeys.”
Okay, even though mythology wasn’t my thing, I recalled the bones of her story, which she apparently wrote, not us. Buzzkill had said something about demons being here first, but I didn’t remember what, exactly. It wasn’t likely I’d be able to ask him, either. As of now, we were mortal enemies.
“Tonight, just before midnight. We’ll meet in the underground parking lot. I should be able to get us into the building proper from there.”
“If you can’t, I can.” From her toothy smile, her way involved blood, guts, explosions, entrails, and evisceration.
Fine by me.
Fell wouldn’t know that the Harbinger had said good-bye and cut me loose, so I should be safe from Death. That was the only immortal I truly feared since I couldn’t wield Aegis when it got close. The rest of them, I thought Cameron could protect me from, as long as I didn’t drain him too much. Speaking of which, I checked the compact, but his reflection was still clear and strong, and his gaze met mine in the mirror.
I’m the one who will never leave you. The promise filled me with dark satisfaction, though something niggled at me about that. Rochelle said—
What does she know? She doesn’t have what it takes to fight—to make them pay for their crimes.
That much was true. I pulled the spirit armor even closer. Oddly it even numbed the pain and grief I’d felt so strongly the night before. But such things were for the living, not for the spirit of vengeance I’d become. No matter what it cost, I’d yank Wedderburn’s heart out of his chest. For my mother, for Kian, for Raoul, and for all the people in the world he’d hurt whose names I didn’t even know.
