by Vi Carter
My breaths were becoming harder to find. “I’m sorry, I’m not Grace,” was all I could manage at this moment. My heart was shattering inside of me, and all I could do was sit here and correct the woman in front of me.
Her lips formed a perfect O. “I’m sorry. Are you the help?” She asked, looking even more confused. Before I could even form an answer to her asinine question she stood, dismissing me like I no longer deserved her attention. Was I the help? I was going to throw up. This wasn’t happening. I had just told him I loved him. Had he played me that well, that I didn’t see this? She looked like Emmett’s girlfriend, or the type of girl a man like him would get.
“No, I’m not the help,” I swallowed the tears that threatened to choke me. Natasha looked at me for an explanation, one I couldn’t give her. I blinked the tears away. “I’m–Emmett’s helping me out. I was just–“ I stood up, pointing to the bedroom. “I was just leaving, actually.”
Natasha nodded, still smiling. “Okay, well, it was great meeting you.”
I walked backwards away from her, still swallowing the sorrow that was threating to overwhelm me. I shared my daughter’s name with him. Tears burned my eyes, ones that I was too angry to shed. “Yeah, you too Natasha.” I went to my room stuffed my bag with clothes I didn’t even look at. I grabbed my wallet, phone and slipped on a jacket, along with my runners. I was ready. When I returned to the living room, it was to see that Natasha was in the kitchen, as if she belonged there. It brought home the fact that I didn’t. I took one final look around the apartment, etching it in my mind. My world was being stripped away, and I didn’t know what to do, but I knew one thing was for sure. I couldn’t stay here.
No one seemed to notice me as I made my way out of the hotel. Honestly, I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do, so I just walked. I don’t know how long I walked for, but I did know that when I looked up, I didn’t notice the buildings or anything around me, everything seemed strange…off. Every second with Emmett bounced around my mind, his disappearances, never ringing me when he wasn’t with me, and it all made sense now. I was seeing everything thing with crystal clarity.
I knew from the start that he was seriously out of my reach. I don’t know how I could have lost sight of that. A tear slid down my face. I just felt so fucking hurt. He had played me so well. I truly believed him. If I had waited for him to return and confront him, he would have lied, or maybe they would have both stood together laughing at me for being so naïve. I swiped the tears away angrily. She had a key to his apartment. What more proof did I need? A sob almost choked me, and finally I stopped at a doorway. I knew I had to call someone. I let the tears fall. I couldn’t see, and it was then I knew I couldn’t do this alone.
“I need you,” I said the moment he answered.
“Where are you?” Craig didn’t sound high. That was something. I looked at the street name, tacked in green to the building across the road, and relayed it onto Craig.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he told me before hanging up. When your world is crumbling, twenty minutes feels like a long time. I spent twenty minutes battling with myself. A part of me wanted to go back and quiz Natasha, like a Grade A stalker. The other part of me was weeping for every moment with Emmett. Every moment that I believed him, that I felt like he was curing me, loving me, helping me, and I wept for all that I had lost.
“Amber?” I turned to Craig, and my want for companionship and someone to pity me fled. Craig looked like death warmed up.
“Jesus, Craig, you look like shit,” I told him.
“You look like shit too,” he replied, a slow grin moving across his face. His face that had women falling at his feet, would now have them running in the opposite direction. He looked like what he was: an addict. And for the first time, I felt ashamed for not helping him before.
“Are you still living in the alleyway?” I asked him, and he closed off as his shoulders straightened. I had hurt his ego. Once again, the shame I felt now was overwhelming me. I had known this, and hadn’t bothered to help him. If it was Grace, she would have had him in a clinic. I bit my lip as it trembled. I missed Grace so much.
“I’m only hanging out there.”
“Let’s get some shelter and food,” I told him, and he took a step back.
“I don’t need your charity, Amber.” Craig spoke briskly, and I didn’t blame him. I let out a long breath.
“No, you don’t, Craig, but I need you.” Surprise lit up his eyes, and he nodded. I needed him in a different way than I thought I would. I needed to help him, and in the process, I hoped it helped me. So, yeah, in a roundabout way, I was being selfish. But I couldn’t win them all.
We booked into a motel. I left Craig to wash up and got us a McDonald’s meal. I was a little shocked at how quickly he ate his. His sunken cheeks and sharp cheekbones left a shadow that made his skin look poorly. He didn’t look up as he ate. His long fingers were bones with skin thrown over them, and the dirt under his nails made eating my own meal tough. I wasn’t exactly hungry; each bit felt like it might come back up. Craig didn’t hesitate when I handed him my leftovers. As he ate, I took in the cheap room. This was some step down from what I was starting to get used to. My pulse spiked picturing Emmett’s face. I had told him I loved him. God, I felt like such a fool. Turning back to Craig, I watched him finish the meal before sitting back with a smile on his face. He rubbed his belly in glee. “That, Amber, was better than sex,” he grinned at me, a little more color in his face. His eyes had been leaked of color. If Grace could see him, she would lose her shit. Pity for him had me swallowing my own turmoil as I tried to keep it light.
“Really? I should record you saying that. ‘Craig the whore turns to food.’” I did air quotes like it was a headline. and he laughed. It sounded good. It sounded familiar, and familiar was what I needed right then.
“So, what happened to you?” His question threw me. I don’t know why, but I really thought he wouldn’t be bothered asking. I just wanted the distraction, the company. I briefly thought about not answering him and giving him some bullshit answer, but I somehow knew that, out of all the people around, he would understand unrequited love.
“A guy I was seeing...I thought it was serious. It wasn’t,” I shrugged, not sure what else to say.
“Is that who keeps ringing you?” Craig said, pointing at my phone on the locker. I had left my phone behind when I had gone for the McDonald’s. I didn’t think I would need it because, seriously, I didn’t expect anyone to ring, especially since now, I was no longer Emmett’s problem. He had other women he needed to care and worry about now.
“My phone was ringing?” Hope so ugly and cruel surged inside me, and I told it to calm the fuck down. It was probably just Grace or my family.
“Yeah, so is this the part where you ditch me?” Craig smiled, but I could see the reality behind it, the waiting to be left behind, or in an alleyway.
“No, Craig,” I told him, before picking up my phone. Ten missed calls from Emmett, and two voicemails that I didn't listen to. My heart felt heavy again, and I could feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. How was I so blind to Emmett? My stomach tightened, and all I wanted was my mother.
“Want a smoke?” Craig offered while lighting up one of his own. I shook my head. “I have something stronger, if you need it,” Craig reached into his pocket and took out a bag of white powder. He smiled like he was offering me hope, or a solution. All I saw was a bigger problem.
I had it out of his hand and down the toilet quicker than he could comprehend. It was the flush that had him barreling into the bathroom door, trying to get to me. The cigarette was still in his mouth, stuck to his dry lips. Horror showed on his face as he looked into the toilet. “What the fuck did you do that for?” His fists had tightened; the fag fell from his dry lips, taking some skin with them. The cocaine was gone now.
“I’m helping you, Craig. That shit is ruining you.”
His hands went to his hair that he pulled back.
“Fuck!” His roar startled me as he kicked the panel on the side of the bath. He repeatedly drove his foot at it until it cracked. The noise of it breaking had him storming from the bathroom.
“Don’t go,” I pleaded. He had grabbed his stained and tattered jacket, and was heading out the door but paused at my plea. I could see he was breathing heavy. “I’m sorry, Craig.” His fists relaxed a bit, and I knew I almost had him. I went in for the kill. “Grace would hate to see you like this, let me help you.” I thought my words would help, but they had the opposite effect.
Craig turned around, his face red with anger, a vein bulged along his neck. And it was then, for the first time in my life, I was actually scared of him. I didn’t know what my friend was capable of anymore, and his words only increased that fear. “I am two seconds away from throttling you, Amber. Don’t mention her name again. Don’t push me.”
My chest felt tight, the ring of my phone had both of us looking at it. “No,” I said as Craig stormed across the room and answered it. It was his payback for getting rid of his stash. He had no idea, though, what he was doing.
“Yeah, she is. What do you want?” I moved towards Craig, and he pointed at me to stay, his face was wild. He was unpredictable. So, I stood still, as my heart jackhammered in my chest. I could feel the pulse along my neck and my face burn. “Who the fuck are you?” Craig’s face changed again, becoming even more enraged. “Ohh, you’re the prick that said I was a junkie. Remember me in your sister’s apartment?” I hadn’t a clue what Emmett was saying, but it wouldn’t be good. I slowly sat down, feeling weak. Did it matter what Craig said? Everything was ruined, anyway. “Touch her?” Craig laughed. “I’ve fucked her.”
I was on my feet, and nothing was stopping me now. “How dare you?” I screamed as he hung up and threw the phone at me. “That’s the asshole that hurt you? Grace’s brother?” I didn’t answer. Right then, I was all done with saving Craig. I actually wanted him to go. My fist had tightened around my phone as it started to ring again, and I turned it on silent. Craig didn’t try to answer it again. Instead, he sat down with his head in his hands. What a pair we were.
EMMETT
“Where is she?” I stood facing the windows that showed me the city.
“Emmett,” Michael’s reflection grew as he approached me slowly. “I have men searching for her.” I turned around, and he froze. “I swear, someone slashed my tires.” He answered to my glare. I didn’t want to hurt one of my men, but right now, it was a struggle.
I held up my hand to silence him. He swallowed. “Find her.”
He nodded and left the room quickly. I turned back to the windows, trying to understand what had happened. I had arrived back to an empty apartment. I searched everywhere for Amber, until I realized a few of her belongings had been taken, as if she had been rushing to get out. “I fucked her.” I tried to stop those words that Craig had said. All sorts of images were flashing before my eyes. Had it been against her will? I was too close to the edge. I needed to stay still, or I would kill someone.
Matthew and Riley arrived, and Matthew was holding my new phone. Bits of my phone lay across the kitchen floor, from when I had ended the call with Craig. Riley never spoke as she left all the footage from the last few hours on the table. She quickly left. No one spoke. I watched Matthew as he opened the phone and set it up for me. A slight tremble entered his hands. Was he aware that I was watching? I wondered now if he had anything got to do with Amber’s disappearance. I didn’t trust him, but I wouldn’t call him out on it, not yet.
The moment he walked to me and handed me the new phone, I looked at him, and he held my gaze without flinching. I dialed Amber’s number and her phone rang. Each ring stabbed at my heart. I didn’t leave another voicemail, but the fact her phone was still on and still ringing was making this harder. If someone had taken her, they would have destroyed her phone. That’s what I would have done. The noise of the TV coming to life got my attention. Matthew moved quickly through the lobby footage. It didn’t take long for Amber to race across it, a bag with her. She looked disheveled. My heart pounded loudly at seeing her.
“Rewind it,” I told Matthew, and he did. “Stop.” He hit play just as Amber came out of the elevator and looked at the camera. “Pause it.” I studied her face; she was clearly upset. But no one was with her, had she just left me? I took the remote out of Matthew’s hand. He ducked down as I reached across him. I rewound the tape and watched Amber get back into the elevator. I rewound it further and watched the comings and goings of guests. Nothing stood out. So, I fast-forwarded until after Amber left. It didn't take fifteen more minutes before the elevator doors opened again, and Natasha walked out. The smile she wore had me wanting to find her and wipe it from her face.
Matthew was off the couch, cursing. “I’ll find her.”
I tightened my grip on the remote. “Matthew.” He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. “Don’t hurt her. I want her untouched,” I barked, and he nodded. I sat on the couch and rewound the tape, pausing it as Amber looked up at the camera. “What did she tell you?” I questioned out loud.
I only had a few hours to find her before I had to meet my father. This was one meeting I couldn’t miss, but Amber was my priority. I pulled off the tie that felt tight and uncomfortable. It was choking me, and I opened the top two buttons of my shirt. Losing Amber wasn’t an option. She was all that mattered to me.
Leaving, I made my way to my car. I needed to find her. The darkness inside me was growing, and honestly, it scared the shit out of me. Amber seemed to have tamed it, and now with her missing, it was gaining strength. I didn’t want to be that person anymore, but I knew that without her, I would slip into that role all too easily. Without her, I had no reason to be human.
I started driving as my phone rang. Picking it up, I answered Kirk.
“Yeah, I heard about Amber. Anything I can do?”
“No, stick to the plan. I have others looking for her," I told Kirk.
“Shit, Emmett. Does anyone have anything yet?” The concern in Kirk’s voice had me respecting him even more. Right then, I made the decision that when this was over, I would make him my right hand.
“Natasha gave her a little visit, and she was with a guy called Craig. He’s a junkie. That’s all I know.”
Kirk cursed. “A lot of them hang out on Old Mills road, where the abandoned buildings are.”
I took a left. “Yeah, I know, that’s where I am heading now.”
“Okay. If you need me, you know where I am.” I thanked Kirk and hung up. I was trying not to think or feel. This was what I was good at, finding people. I would find Amber, I had no doubt about that. I just hoped I wasn’t too late. I hoped that whatever damage had been done could be undone and hoped against all hope that I didn’t have to kill anyone else tonight.
They came out like cockroaches from every area. “I’m looking for Craig,” I asked each of them as I did a full circle of this cesspit they called home. Their hungry faces assessed me. They were looking for a weakness in my armor. Easy prey. What they didn’t know was that they would find none in mine. “Anyone who gives me his location will be rewarded, handsomely.” I finally offered, knowing that money talked louder than words. It wasn’t long before a woman stepped forward, her grey hair in ropes. “What’s the reward?” she queried as her tongue shot out, showing me black teeth.
“What would it take?” I countered.
One guy laughed. “Your car.”
I laughed, too. “Five hundred or a bullet, you pick.” I held the gun, safety off, and pointed it at the man who wanted my car. He held his hands up and took a step back. It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford to lose my car; it was a matter of principle.
“I was joking, I don’t know a Craig.” He snickered as the crowd started to thin out, but the woman stood smiling.
“I’ll tell you.” The gun was on her now, and she didn’t seem to care. Her eyes had a shine that reflected the light back. She was high. I could se
e the wheels turning, working out how much product she could get with five hundred. “He left a few hours ago. A friend of his wanted help.” Nearly everyone had left, but I didn’t lower my gun.
“Where did he go?” I asked, hoping that she knew.
“Long Walk Road. It is only ten minutes away from here.”
“Did you see the girl?”
She shook her head. “Nah, she rang him,” The woman, still not worried about the gun, held out her hand. “My money.” I put the gun away and took out my wallet.
“You wouldn’t have his number?” I asked, holding the cash over her hand.
She licked her lips. “No, but Eddie would.” I held it higher, getting her attention and she looked at me. “Yeah, he’s in there,” she pointed to a building behind me. I put the wads of cash in her hand, hoping she hadn’t lied to me, but I would find out soon. A young boy had been watching us from behind a barrel. He must have been only fourteen, maybe fifteen, years old. I called him over, and he came with no fear.
“See that car,” I pointed at my Bentley, and he smirked.
“Hot ride,” he said.
I put a hundred-dollar bill into his hand. His eyes lit up. “You keep an eye on it, and I will give you more money like that when I get back.” He stuffed the hundred in his pocket before racing to my car and standing at it with his arms crossed. “Whistle if you need help,” I told him, and he smiled.
AMBER
I sat in silence with Craig as he cried into his hands. I didn’t comfort him. I just couldn’t. My own heart was too broken, but crying in a motel room with Craig just didn’t sit well with me. So, I kept my own pain at bay. I took a cigarette and the lighter out of his jacket pocket. The movement didn’t stop his tears. I choked on the first inhale of smoke, but I persisted, choking each time.
“Jesus Amber, can’t I have a moment without you splattering all over me?” Craig’s voice sounded hoarse.
