by Taylor Hart
Chapter 8
Chantel looked out the window, feeling herself finally beginning to thaw. They had just gotten on the I-25 south freeway, and Denver was behind them. Despite her earlier misgivings, she was glad that JJ was here. Even as a boy, JJ had always been large and in charge. Now, with his hands on the steering wheel, she was grateful he’d insisted on coming.
“The roads aren’t as bad as I thought,” said JJ, adjusting the mirrors and running his wipers to clear the front window. “And the sun helps.”
She picked up her purse and rifled through it. “I don’t know what happened to my license. That’s so weird.” After a couple of minutes, she gave up, threw her purse in the back, and took off the coat she’d had to buy for this trip. “I forget how cold it is all the time out here.”
“Yeah, I guess you’ve gotten used to California weather. ‘Welcome to the Hotel California,’” he started to sing.
She couldn’t stop herself from joining in; it was a song they’d always sung together. It was a surreal feeling, like they were in some kind of movie where she’d ended up driving with her ex to…She stopped singing, not wanting to continue down that path.
He glanced at her. “Keep singing. New song!” He cleared his throat. “Fun song. One of your faves.”
She smiled at him. “I’m ready.”
‘“I set out on a narrow way, many years ago…’”
The song brought to mind the first time she’d ever kissed JJ Kelly. They’d been dancing in the barn, laughing, and she’d initiated the kiss.
He continued singing, sounding so much like Gary LeVox from Rascal Flatts. They finished the song together, and she had goose bumps on her arms.
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Best night.”
Dang, JJ Kelly was a big personality to hang out with.
She tugged her hand away. So many feelings threatened to overtake her, and she had to hold them carefully at bay. “You already broke the kissing and hand-holding rule.”
JJ didn’t look upset. “Oops.” He broke into another song, a song he always used to sing her: “What Hurts the Most,” also by Rascal Flatts.
She listened to every word he sang. All the feelings she’d pushed away now rushed through her. This man was relentless.
He broke off when he saw her tears. “Chan?”
How come he was here with her right now, when she was on the verge of getting married and starting a new life with someone else? It had shocked her so much when she’d gotten that picture from the private investigator. She needed to confirm everything on her own before she met with the attorney on Friday.
“You’re not having thoughts of opening up the door and bailing on me, are ya, Bonaparte?” JJ asked, adjusting the heat controls.
She blinked and tried to focus. “Nope.”
So JJ had miraculously ended up on this journey with her. So what? It didn’t mean anything. It was pure coincidence that he’d gotten on that bus in Steamboat Springs—but what about that old man telling her it was time for both of them to have second chances, and time to allow him to forgive her?
She hit the side of the door. “Dang it.”
“What?” he asked, almost too quickly.
She spun to face him. “What was the deal with that old guy?”
JJ shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said, letting out a chuckle. “I guess he likes to talk about second chances and forgiveness and miracles.”
“Didn’t you find it weird that he kept trying to talk to us and acted like he knew us?”
“I’ve found so many odd things in my life, Chan.” He was quiet for a minute. “Like why we didn’t end up together.”
She met his eyes, her whole system going berserk. “Please don’t, JJ.”
He reached for the radio, and she saw he had a sore on his knuckle. She took his hand in both of hers. “What happened?”
He shrugged awkwardly, and she knew that meant he was trying not to react to her touch. “Uh, I don’t know. Nicked myself when I was mucking out a stall, I guess.”
Letting out a sigh, she dug into her purse and pulled out the same first aid kit she’d used earlier on the old man. Gingerly, she put antibiotic cream on the injury, then a Band-Aid. She examined his hand, turning it around and seeing the calluses that had long ago formed on his palms.
“Thank you,” he said. “You have always been the one to take care of cuts and stuff.”
“No, your mom did that.”
“You did it too, even as kids.” He gave her a smile. “The Christmas angel guy was right—you’d make a great mother.”
“Why would you say that?” she demanded, a bit too loudly.
He frowned. “Geez, sorry.” He switched off the radio, humming and singing different words.
She grinned. He’d always composed on the fly.
“How does this sound?” He cleared his throat and then sang: “The past never warns you where it will take you. The heart never lies; it’s endless like the deepest part of your heart. The dreams of tomorrow might be dreams of the past. Will we allow them to stay in our grasp?”
His voice was a beautiful, deep baritone, and she felt mesmerized.
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah.”
“So many dreams,” he said in almost a whisper.
Leaning back into her seat, she let out a long breath. “That box.”
“Do you remember all the things we put in that box? I think I wanted to have a beach house in Maui—do you remember that?”
Of course she did. “Three floors, a huge room with a fan in the center that swiveled in an open-air level.”
“It had an infinity pool and a little studio in back where you could do pottery. Remember how you wanted to have your hands in the clay?”
“And the little Hawaiian lady who would bring us pineapple while we surfed.”
“We put all our dreams in that box,” he said quietly. “You made us.”
She smiled at the memory. “Yes, I did.”
He laughed. “You always wanted to climb Mt. Everest, but I don’t think you ever found a Sherpa.”
Unable to stop herself, she laughed too. She’d forgotten writing that down, but now it came rushing back. “Yeah, and you were going to come and make sure we didn’t get dizzy from lack of oxygen.”
His face went blank, and she could tell his mind was churning, trying to come up with another dream. “Plymouth Colony. You always wanted to go there and see all the people dressed up like they had been on the Mayflower and do that tour.”
“True.”
“We could detour and go to Boston.”
This was getting to be too much. “I might have other dreams in Dallas.” How could she even explain? “It’s not a museum, but I do love them.”
There was silence for a minute.
JJ glanced at her. “Talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me about the possible wedding. Ryan told me something about a hot-air balloon getaway and releasing doves at sunset.”
It sounded silly when he put it that way. “Exactly, and it’s hard to plan that.”
“Tonya wanted some elaborate Grand Canyon helo diving wedding.”
“What?”
“I guess Will Smith dove out of a helicopter over the Grand Canyon for his fiftieth birthday.”
She was floored. “Wow.”
“Right.”
“So you guys were going to do that?”
JJ shrugged. “She wanted to. She thought we could have a crew film it and use it in our next music video.”
Reluctantly, Chantel admitted to herself it would be pretty cool. “Sounds like she has a good head for business.”
“She does.”
For a few moments, they didn’t speak.
“I actually wanted a church wedding.” She sighed and looked out of the window. “A simple church wedding.”
“No, you wanted a wedding on ice.”
Unable to he
lp it, she smiled. “You remembered.”
“It was in the dream box.”
She leaned back. “I wanted a wedding on ice, but I also wanted to be married by a preacher.”
“Pastor Bills.” He grinned.
She thought of their pastor at the little church in Steamboat. “Exactly. And you wanted your cowboy boots.”
“So I did.” He glanced at her. “Then why not do what you want?”
“Would you believe Dustin said he didn’t know if he even believed in God?”
“Oh.”
“He says it just doesn’t seem logical that an all-knowing being would allow so many horrible things to happen.”
JJ didn’t respond, but he went into that extra-calm mode.
“What, J? Just say it.”
“Nothing.”
She sighed. “It’s so frustrating that when you get upset, it makes you so calm.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Like right now. You want to argue, but you’re not going to, so you’re just calm.”
He shrugged. “There’s nothing to argue about, because everything Dustin said is crap and you know it.”
It made her smile to finally hear him say what he meant. “So you still believe in God, even after everything that’s happened to you?”
“Of course.”
She waited, sensing he wanted to talk about it.
“I’ve seen horrible things. I…” His voice broke. “I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep without medication. I don’t know if I’ll ever quit hearing one buddy of mine who I lost, calling out my name, but I will tell you that I know there is a God. And He saved me and so many of my friends when we thought we’d be dead.”
Chantel’s heart warmed as she listened to him.
“I’ve also learned that God and His grace aren’t the kind of things that just appear in front of you. You have to seek them. You…” He shook his head. “You have to want them in your life. You have to focus on all the good you’ve been given. Because there is bad and there is good present at all times. It’s our choice what we focus on.”
“You sound like your father.”
He paused, smiling. “Thank you. The truth is, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it all without knowing God is there even when I’m not perfect. Even when imperfect things in this world happen. We don’t get to have all the answers, but if we listen for Him—” He tapped the center of his chest. “—if we try to hear that still, small voice, He shows up for us. I told you I was really bad when I got home, after everything with my leg. But after Mama passed and I finally humbled myself and asked God for help, He was there—leading me, guiding me.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke, and she let JJ’s words seep into her. It’d been a long time since she’d made the effort to go to church or even to pray. She thought of all the times she and her father had knelt and prayed before bed and how her father would pour his heart out to God. She missed the slow comfort and warmth she’d felt just now, having a conversation with JJ.
Her mood soured as she thought of all the things she’d done wrong. “Maybe I don’t deserve a church wedding. Maybe the thing I’ve done is unforgivable.”
He took her hand. “He forgives us. For me, the tricky part has always been forgiving myself.”
She sucked in a breath. She couldn’t lose it right now. “I haven’t been talking to God lately. I honestly don’t even know what He wants for me.”
“You could always ask Him.”
Chantel tasted bitter guilt. He wouldn’t be saying this to her if he knew.
“Prayer is cheap,” he said, flashing her a grin. “That’s what Mama used to say.”
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out, seeing another text from Dustin. Grateful for the distraction, but not grateful it was from Dustin, she stared at it. Talk to me. I need you to talk to me.
JJ glanced at her. “Why is he texting every second?”
“Because we’re paused, but we’re not finished.”
She didn’t know how long the next awkward silence passed, but just sitting next to him, just being in JJ’s proximity again, made her feel all kinds of things.
“A disturbance in the Force,” he whispered, as if reading her mind. When they’d been growing up, they could be in perfect sync with each other without saying a word. They would tease about how, if one of them was upset, they could feel it. “I guess we still have that connection thing, don’t we?”
She didn’t answer. Feeling hungry, she pulled out a pack of Ho Hos and opened it. “Want one?”
“Those are dangerous.”
This made her smile. “You used to love them as much as me.”
“Right, and that’s why I used to weigh fifteen pounds more than I do now.”
She snorted. Without meaning to, she looked him up and down. The man had never needed to lose weight. He was lean and cut. She’d noticed it in the Instagram pictures she’d scrolled through. “The new, improved JJ Kelly. Right.”
He nudged her. “Don’t be checking me out, Bonaparte.”
“I wasn’t,” she said too quickly, hating that he could still make her blush.
“You so were.”
“I wasn’t.” She nibbled at the Ho Ho.
He looked like he really wanted one, but he had to resist.
“Funny. My best friend, JJ Kelly, used to take what he wanted, but clearly that’s not you anymore.”
The look he gave her made her imagine she was merely an annoying fly that he could bat away.
But she couldn’t stop herself. She held the chocolaty cake roll up and then took a bite, smiling at him. “’Cause you’re a fraidy-cat.”
“Fraidy-cat? That’s how you’re going to insult me?”
Chantel remembered how when they were in elementary school, they would tease each other about that. “My old best friend wouldn’t have stood for that, but you’re not that guy. No. You’re the clean-eating guy.”
Without warning, he snatched the rest of Ho Ho out of her hand and shoved it all into his mouth. “Believe me, I still take what I want,” he said through the mouthful.
“Yes, you do. Pig.” She opened the next package and gave him half.
He took it, wolfing it down. “And I’m still your best friend.”
She didn’t know what to say. His words felt so sincere, even if they were said through a mouth full of chocolate goo. “Really?”
He laughed, then coughed. It made her laugh, and she started coughing, too. He held her hand up in the air. “Open up the airway,” he said.
This made her laugh even more, but she took a swig of her water, then passed it to him.
He took a drink, clearing his throat, but still smiled at her as he gave it back. “Thank you. Still saving my life, Bonaparte.”
A zing of electricity passed between them. “It’s the least I can do.” She thought about the time when he’d come home for her graduation from high school. They’d been on a walk, and he’d spontaneously jumped into the river and not come up. After a bit, she’d gone after him, thinking he was hurt, but he’d just been waiting for her. He’d taken her around the waist and kissed her, telling her he’d been waiting a long time for her to graduate so they could be official.
The memory was intoxicating, and she knew she was turning red.
He gave her a smoldering look. “The river, after graduation.”
“Eyes on the road, man, you’re going to crash us!”
JJ grunted. “Chan?”
His phone buzzed loudly in the cup holder between them.
“Saved by the bell,” Chantel breathed. She’d seen Tonya’s name.
JJ picked it up, then put it back, pressing decline. The phone buzzed again. He silenced it.
“You should probably talk to her.”
He glanced at her, frowning. “Why?”
“Because you probably haven’t even talked to her since you ended it, have you?” She didn’t know why, but it made her sad for Tonya th
at JJ was shutting her out. Chantel knew how it felt to be shut out by him.
The phone buzzed again. He cursed.
“Just answer it,” she said, shifting in her seat.
JJ sighed, then pushed the hands-free button. “Hello?”
“JJ?”
“Hey, uh, Tonya, you’re on speaker.”
“Oh, where are you?”
After a moment of hesitation, he said, “I don’t know if Mike told you, but I’m taking a couple of days.”
“He did. I’ve just been worried about you.”
“I’m okay. Thank you.” He sounded official. Too official. Like he and Tonya were business acquaintances instead of formerly engaged.
“JJ, I want to talk to you. You can’t just end things like this.”
“We’ll still work together. Everything will be the same. We’ll lay down the new song next week, okay?”
“I don’t care about that,” Tonya said. She started crying. “I…We need to talk things out.”
Chantel’s heart wrenched for this woman. She could relate
JJ’s expression went blank with that extreme calm. “Tonya, I have to go, but I’ll call you later tonight, I promise.”
“O-kay,” she said, still crying. “I love you.”
JJ sighed. “Goodbye.” He pressed end.
Chantel stared at the man beside her. They’d just been joking and reliving the past, and she was feeling all these things—and he had another woman who clearly loved him. “J, I think I need to rest. Would you mind waking me when we get to Amarillo?”
Chapter 9
Chantel woke as the car stopped. She’d been out. Dead asleep.
JJ turned to her. “Hey there, sleepyhead, we’re in Amarillo. Are you hungry?”
She shook off the cobwebs of sleep and glanced at the clock on the dash. It was eight o’clock. “I can’t believe I slept that long.”
He grinned, then lightly touched his lip. “Might want to clean up that bit of drool there.”
Unwillingly, she laughed, hitting his shoulder lightly.
He caught her hand. “I know you just can’t keep your hands off me, but you’re going to have to use your words instead of your fists, because we have an agreement.”
