by Taylor Hart
JJ didn’t speak, still frozen.
“So that’s what I’m doing tomorrow, J. I’m going to get our son.”
He swallowed.
Chantel’s erratic breathing grew quicker. They were in the middle of a stadium. Their faces kept flashing across the jumbotron, and she couldn’t bear it if JJ left her again while she was on public television. She jumped to her feet. “I’m sorry.” Not knowing what else to do, she turned and ran.
Chapter 20
JJ had just been hit by an atomic blast. Going into SEAL mode, he rushed past the crowds, racing up the stairs, carefully leveraging his weight as he pushed into and around people so they wouldn’t fall. If Chantel thought she could do just drop something like that and get away from him, she had another thing coming.
“Chan!” he yelled, catching a glimpse of her through the crowd as she reached the stadium door and rushed into the mass of people.
Kicking up the pace, he followed, cursing beneath his breath as he tried to assimilate this bombshell and still focus on the objective of finding her. She’d had a baby—his baby, their son—and given him up for adoption.
He rushed forward, looking for her red T-shirt, but everyone was wearing red T-shirts. The blonde hair? No. He couldn’t find her.
How come at every point in his life he’d been able to track her easily, but right now, all his senses were off? He searched madly, jogging into people as he scanned the floor.
A baby. A baby. His baby?
He rushed down one of the escalators, not caring if he knocked anyone over. People yelled at him, cursed at him.
He spotted her coming out of the gate right below them. Cussing and threats filled the air behind him as he made a superhero leap down the last flight of stairs.
She slipped into a cab.
“Chantel!”
The door shut, and the cab rolled away.
He skidded to the edge of the sidewalk, watching the cab leave him in the dust.
He cursed. JJ’s heart raced like a herd of elephants in the African savanna. “What the—”
The cab stopped and pulled over to the curb.
He dashed through the traffic to the other sidewalk.
Chantel got out of the cab and turned to face him.
Adrenaline coursed through him, and he was pretty sure he could leap tall buildings at this point. “Chan.”
Her lip trembled. “I’m so sorry I ran. You deserve answers, J.” She looked down, picking at her nails, then she stopped and met his eyes. “What do you want to know?”
Part of him wanted to hold her, but he couldn’t believe what she’d told him. His child. Their child. He put his hands on his head; his mind was still spinning. He needed to figure this out. “I need details. Thorough details.”
Her face fell, and she sucked in a breath. “I was pregnant when you left.”
His heart raced. “You knew?”
Tears bubbled up. “I found out I was pregnant the morning you were flying out.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” he shouted at her, pulling his hands down and then throwing them up again, on the verge of losing it. Nothing in his SEAL training had prepared him for this.
She held his gaze. “Because you’d already decided you were leaving.” Her voice was quiet.
He clenched a hand into a fist, feeling like he would burst. “I would have married you. I would have—” All his thoughts were jumbled. Pain seared into his chest, and he thought of his own father and how much he loved him. He blinked, emotion erupting like hot lava that threatened to burn everything in its path. “You should have told me.” He shook his head. He didn’t know this woman at all.
“I know that now.” She was trembling all over. Tears were trickling down her face. “It wasn’t right, and I hate myself for it, but I needed you and you were leaving.” She let out a sob, then covered her face. “I was lost and so alone, and my dad was in the throes of Parkinson’s, and Dustin was the only one there.”
JJ cursed, hating himself too. “Of course Dustin was there. Just waiting.”
She held up her hand to stop him. “And I realize now that he manipulated me. That I allowed it.” She broke off, crying again. “I allowed him to make me think that all I had was my training.”
JJ glowered. “He wanted you to abort the baby, didn’t he?”
“I wouldn’t do that.” She sniffed, but glared right back at him.
A typhoon of reality hit him so hard he was shaking. He was a father. She’d freaking had his kid, and she’d never told him. He closed the gap between them, taking her hand. “I would have stayed, Chan. I would have.”
“I know you would have stayed for our son.” She covered her face, but she didn’t pull away. “But you didn’t stay for me. You just…left.”
He found himself crying too. The past was its own proof. He hadn’t stayed for her. “I’m so sorry. I’m…” His brother had been right. JJ was reckless. He’d done what he thought was best, and he hadn’t turned back to count the bodies left in his wake.
She held him, sniffing. “It’s my fault, J. It’s always been my fault; it was just easier to blame you.”
They cried together for a long time.
Finally, he searched her tear-stained face. “When was his birthday?” Pain stabbed into his heart.
“October fifth.”
Suddenly, JJ could see everything through her eyes. He’d re-enlisted and not given her a say. He’d come back and punched her fiancé. He’d never done anything to fix things between them until he’d gotten on that bus.
He tried to focus, still reeling. “Tell me everything, Chan.”
“I gave him up to two amazing parents. He was a pilot; she stayed at home. I honestly thought he would be so happy and have such a wonderful life. I want you to know I really thought I had done the best thing for him. But about two months ago, I just…I couldn’t quit wondering what happened to Jack, so I—”
“Jack?” His father’s face flashed into his mind. A mixture of anger and incredulity crept through him. He fought it back. Now wasn’t the time to lose it.
“I asked that they keep the name, but…” She floundered, more tears washing down her face. “I wasn’t sure if they would or not.”
There was silence between them, and his focus was finally returning. He managed to ask, “What happened to his parents?”
“Like I said, I just kept getting this feeling that I wanted to know what had happened to him. I reached out to a private investigator. Two weeks ago, he told me Jack’s parents had died in a car crash.”
“So you just randomly decided to find our…son?” It was strange to say that. It hurt. He had a son.
“I just…had a feeling that wouldn’t go away that I needed to look for him.”
Emotion overwhelmed him, and his eyes misted. “Dang, Chan.”
She touched his scar. “I’m so sorry, J.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “So this is the unforgivable thing you couldn’t tell me?”
She gave a half shrug. “You tell me, is it?”
He couldn’t answer that question yet. He broke away from her and sucked in a long breath. This was insane.
“JJ,” she whispered. She put out her hand to him. “Can I take you somewhere?”
Chapter 21
As they got out of the Uber car, Chantel felt nauseated. She couldn’t believe they were here.
“So he’s here?” JJ asked, looking around. “This is the foster home?” She could see the SEAL in him, examining all possible threats, deciding if it was secure.
“This is the address the social worker gave me,” she said. “When I spoke to him, he told me the social worker had the address and I couldn’t have it, but I called the social worker and pretended I was the attorney’s secretary and I needed it.” Might as well just come clean with all of her sins at this point.
His face was an unreadable mask. “Are we supposed to go knock or something?” He gestured to the door.
“Actually
, we’re not.” She sighed. “I-I’m meeting with the attorney tomorrow to start adoption proceedings, but I wasn’t supposed to meet Jack before that.”
His gaze trained on her with laser focus. “Jack.”
She nodded.
“Jack?” JJ said his father’s name again.
The door slammed open and three kids ran out. “We’re going to the park!” one of them yelled back before shutting the door. The other two picked up a baseball, a bat, and few gloves, too.
“C’mon, Jack. Let’s go.” One of the bigger kids took the younger boy’s hand as they rushed down the sidewalk.
The young girl stared at Chantel and JJ and frowned. “Stranger danger,” she said, like she would bust them for peeking.
The two boys didn’t even glance at her, and she took off after them.
JJ sucked in a long, bewildered breath. “He looks like me.”
Chantel watched Jack rush across the street, holding the older boy’s hand, and then she and JJ started moving toward the little elementary school where the children were playing. There were several other kids already at the school, putting down bases, yelling, and laughing.
Jack picked up the baseball bat and pulled back, ready to bat. It made her heart soar as a kid gently tossed in a ball, clearly trying to be kind, and her son hit it. The ball went to the shortstop, but the kid waited for Jack to get to the base before throwing it to first. Jack did a little skip.
JJ let out a light laugh. “Dang, the kid’s good.”
“Yeah. He looks happy, don’t you think?”
“He does.” JJ met her eyes.
She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, watching the kids play, but the sun started to set and she heard a voice call out, “Kids, time to eat.”
JJ pulled her with him down the street.
She didn’t want to leave. It felt wrong. “Wait.”
“We have to go,” he whispered, taking out his phone. “I’ll get us another Uber.”
JJ stood with Chantel in front of her hotel. Every part of her was nervous. They hadn’t spoken the whole cab ride back. She didn’t know where they stood or what to do. “I don’t need you to walk me in,” she told him. “You can go back to your hotel. We can talk later.”
The little muscle in his jaw flexed, as it always did when he was upset. “I’m walking you to your room.”
She tugged her hand away. “No.”
“We need to talk about things.”
Chantel was exhausted. “JJ, I just need to rest.” She rushed into the hotel, but someone came out fast and the door hit her in the side of the head. Blood began to ooze as she staggered into the wall by the door.
JJ took her by the shoulders and stood her upright. He reached for the spot where blood was flowing. “You okay?”
“Don’t, J,” she commanded, hurting and embarrassed, but he was already inspecting the gash on the side of her ear.
He pushed her hair back. “Let me see it.”
She pushed past him. “I’m fine.” She hurried through the lobby, tugging her key out of her pocket.
He fell into step with her. “I’m coming with you.”
“Fine.” When they got to her room, though, her hand shook and she couldn’t even get the key in the lock.
“Let me.” He took the card, sliding it in and out.
She pushed the door handle, trying to move past him. “I’m sorry, JJ. I’m really sorry.”
“Let’s get your head bandaged up.”
She walked into the room, heading for the bathroom. “I’m fine.”
“Dang it, you’re not fine, and I’m going to help you.”
She got to the bathroom and saw the blood, then felt faint. She held onto the counter. “I have a first aid kit in the drawer,” she said, pointing toward it.
He opened the drawer and pulled out the now-familiar kit, which didn’t have much besides a couple of Band-Aids and some antibiotic cream. He picked up a clean hand towel and got it wet, turning toward her. “Hold still.”
It was stupid, but she just burst into tears.
JJ took her into his arms.
Chantel wasn’t sure how long she cried in the bathroom. It felt like a long time. He just held her, stroking her hair down her head and back. It felt wrong to take comfort from the man she’d lied to for so long. Well, she rationalized again, it hadn’t been a lie—she just hadn’t told him the whole truth—but it really felt like one.
When she finally stopped crying, she kept her face buried in his shoulder.
“Chan,” he said softly. “Can we talk now?”
She pulled back, staring into the face of the man she was responsible for breaking. Numb and worn out, she nodded. She took a step back from him, needing a little bit of space. “I know now that it was wrong not to tell you, and I get it if you hate me.”
Quickly, he dabbed at her cut, then put cream on it. “So you’re going to meet with the attorney tomorrow?”
“Yes, my goal is to adopt him.”
“You weren’t going to tell me?”
“I don’t know, J. I thought about telling you a million times, but the truth is, if you hadn’t gotten on that bus, I don’t know what would have happened.” She scoffed. “Because maybe the only reason you got on the bus was because of your father’s will, right?”
JJ looked startled. “What?”
She exhaled. “I overheard you on the phone when I came out from lunch. I heard you say that you weren’t an idiot, that you wouldn’t tell me.”
“It’s nothing.” JJ fidgeted, not meeting her eyes.
“I know I’ve, like, royally messed up, but…What were you talking about on the phone?”
His face clouded. “It’s nothing.”
“JJ, we can’t figure everything out if you don’t tell me the truth.”
“The truth.” He clenched a hand into a fist. “You’re demanding the truth when you don’t even know if you ever would have told me?”
She exhaled. “You’re right.”
He shrugged, then shook his head, his shoulders slumped. “My dad stipulated that if we want to get our share of the inheritance to fund our charities—charities he set up with us—then we had to be married by Christmas Eve.”
“So that’s why you got on the bus? Is that the reason you’ve been chasing me down? Because of the will? You want me to marry you so you can keep your money?” Her heart broke.
His expression hardened. “No. How could you say that?”
“What are you going to do about the will, then?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Dad put us in an impossible situation.”
Tears stung her eyes. Somehow, she’d managed to convince herself that this time he would choose her, that she was important to him. But this was just history repeating itself. Once his charity was secure, he would get bored of her and leave again. “Why don’t you just go back to your tour and forget all about me? You don’t need any of this. You don’t even want it.” She flung a hand into the air. “Just go live your dream. Go! And I’m sure Tonya would marry you!”
He stared at her for a long minute, arms crossed over his chest, his jaw tight. Then he moved for the door, flinging it open and stalking out. The door banged shut, and the sound reverberated in her soul.
The suddenness of his departure left her empty. She’d lost him all over again.
Chapter 22
Later that night, JJ wandered outside the Avant, walking through the maze of a garden in the back and staring up at the stars. He felt like a live wire that needed an outlet.
He had a son. He cussed and shook his head, stopping at the stone bench at the center of the maze. Had his father known? He might have. “Dang you, old man.” JJ laughed, hysterical chuckles bubbling out of him. His father had won, in that Jack Kelly way of his.
Emotion pooled at the back of JJ’s throat, and he tried to swallow. He had a six-year-old son. It was so much to process.
Pulling ou
t his phone, he dialed Ryan’s number.
“Bro.”
“Hey.”
“So, what happened? I saw that kiss on TV.”
JJ hesitated, unable to believe what he was about to say. “I have a son.”
“What?” Ryan demanded.
“A son,” he said, laughing as the emotion broke free and he ran a hand through his hair. “He’s six.”
“Holy crap! This is unreal, bro. Where is he?”
“Here, in Dallas. Chan gave him up for adoption.” His thoughts felt jumbled as he tried to go over everything she’d told him. He still couldn’t believe she hadn’t told him. He understood it, but he couldn’t believe it. “Anyway, she found out a couple of weeks ago that his adoptive parents died in a car crash and he has been living in foster care.”
Ryan swore. “Double holy crap. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” He kicked a rock. “I’ve been asked to replace Sloane Kent on tour.”
“Are you going to do it?”
JJ sighed. “I don’t know what to do. Chantel—” He broke off. “It’s just so complicated.”
“Bull crap!”
“What?”
“Bro, go get your son. Go marry your woman. Can you really have it wrapped up any better in front of the Christmas tree?”
Surprised, JJ laughed. It was true. “The thing is, she and Dustin were going to adopt him. And they weren’t even going to tell me.”
“The guy had her all turned around six ways from Sunday. You know that. Are you going to keep letting Dustin screw stuff up, or are you going to man up and be the JJ Kelly who kicks down doors and gets stuff done?”
“Yesterday you told me that when I kick down doors and get stuff done, I leave a wake of bodies, and now you’re telling me that’s what I need to do.”
“You’re the oldest, wisest Kelly brother, and I’m the one who has to explain this to you,” Ryan said, exasperated.
JJ grunted. “Stop.”
