by Portia Moore
Maybe I am just too afraid to do what I should have all along.
Maybe I’m just saying it’s not that easy, so that I don’t have to make a choice.
“Let’s talk about this in private,” I murmur to Erin, hoping that Sonya doesn’t hear. She’s pretending not to be interested in anything that’s going on, but I don’t believe that for a second. I’m sure she’s listening to every single word.
I reach out to take Erin’s hand, but she snatches it away, shoving the door of the town car open and scrambling out. I follow her, reaching for her again, but she shakes me off.
“Erin, you’re embarrassing me—”
“I don’t care!” she cries petulantly. I try to soften my tone, knowing that Sonya is right behind us. “Erin, I know that guy was handsome, and foreign, and probably rich. But you have your whole life to talk to guys and have adventures, and his interest probably wasn’t as innocent as you think it was—”
“Who said I wanted it to be innocent?” Erin glares at me. “I might be a virgin, Rain, but I’m not stupid. And you’re a hypocrite. You ran off and left us, went to the big city, met a rich man, and left us in the dirt. You got to live this big fancy life, and I was still in the same shit hole! You think I want to lose it to some stupid guy from my high school? No! I want someone exciting. I want someone like you got.”
“Erin, I tried to help—”
“Oh yeah, the money you sent.” Erin rolls her eyes. “I thought it was a lot, but now that I’ve seen all this, I know you were just sending us scraps. You’re practically a fucking princess, Rain. And you want me to be satisfied just slumming it in Indiana? Fuck no.” She spits that last part at me, her eyes filling with angry tears. “I’m not going to be satisfied with shit. I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to not end up like our mom. Just like you did.”
She spins on her heel and runs up the stairs into the house.
I have to fight back my own tears. It was all I could do not to tell her the truth, to say to her that I’d give anything to be back in our shitty little house in Indiana, back to a time when there was a future for Zach and me, back in my little room with him in bed next to me. I’d give every cent, every diamond, every jewel, and beautiful thing I own to have that back.
But I can’t say any of that. Especially not in front of Sonya.
As if summoned, Sonya steps up next to me, a faux-concerned expression plastered onto her perfect face. “She really does have a lot of growing up to do.” As she looks at me, the way she says it heavily implies that she thinks the same thing of me, too.
I take a deep breath, trying to get ahold of my emotions.
“I hope what I’m about to say doesn’t come off as rude,” I say, turning towards Sonya and keeping my voice as even as I can. “But when it comes to the relationship between my sister and me, I’d really appreciate it if you stay out of it.”
Sonya laughs. “Rain, sweetheart, believe me when I say that I don’t truly give a shit about you or your little trailer park sister. If Vincent had an ounce of sense in his head, he’d send you both back to Indiana where you belong.” She smiles down at me, but her eyes are cold. “But truthfully, you’re very useful to me. Vincent is so distracted with his little power games that he’s going to screw up. And when he does, I’ll be waiting to take what should have always been mine.”
I stare at her, dumbfounded. “I could tell Vincent what you just said.”
Sonya pouts a little at me as if she were looking at something adorable. “Of course you could. But nothing that you say to Vincent will ever matter to him unless it’s praise or complaints. And I’m sure you’ve learned which one he prefers. You can say anything you want to him about things of substance, but it will mean exactly as much as a bird chattering in its cage. The sooner you learn that Rain, the happier your life will be.”
She pats my arm then, and for a brief second, I see something in her eyes that almost looks like sympathy. But it’s gone in a flash, and she turns away, walking up the stairs.
I’ve never in my life felt so completely, utterly alone.
24
Zach
When Sonya comes upstairs, I can tell she’s in a bad mood.
By the time I’d woken up, she was already gone, and there was a text message letting me know that she’d gone into town to go shopping with Rain and Erin. My stomach had clenched at that thought—the last thing in the world I wanted was Sonya and Rain together for an extended period of time.
I trust Rain not to blow my cover, even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s been years since I’ve spoken to her, after all, and the woman that I see now with Vincent isn’t the girl that I left behind. Still, I don’t think that she’ll out me. Even after the way I left things, Rain was never the type to hold grudges or be vindictive. Even if she’s furious with me for leaving her—as she has every fucking right to be—I don’t think she’d take it out on me like that.
Still, there’s a small voice in my head that warns that she could bring everything toppling down with a single word to Vincent or Sonya. If she’s angry, if she’s holding a grudge—
Or if she’s jealous. It feels weird to think that a girl I was with so many years ago would still be jealous over me—still have any feelings at all for me—but I have them for her, don’t I? Of course I do. I didn’t leave her because I wanted to, and I know that she didn’t want me to go. I remember Rain in high school when I was dating other girls, the way it tore her apart. I can’t imagine how she must feel now, seeing me with someone like Sofia.
Except she’s with someone like Vincent, so what does she have to be jealous of?
I remember the way she looked at me last night when Sonya told the story of the robbery, the way her face paled every time she saw me touch or whisper to Sonya. I know she’s upset and confused. And part of me is just angry enough at her for being with someone like Vincent, for putting me in this position at all, that I want to leave it alone rather than putting myself into more danger to straighten things out for her.
I push the thought out of my head as Sonya walks into the room. Just thinking about Vincent and Rain together makes me feel sick. I knew, logically, when I left that she’d wind up with other guys. It wasn’t like I actively expected her to pine after me forever. But knowing something and seeing it up close and personal is something else.
“What a fucking joke.” Sonya shakes her head, tossing her purse onto the bed.
I glance up from my phone. “What’s going on? Shopping trip didn’t go well?” I keep my voice casual and careless, as if I haven’t spent the last several hours stressing about what was happening on that stupid shopping trip.
“The trip was fine.” Sonya waves her hand. “It’s Vincent’s obsession with his barely-legal fiancée and her trailer-trash family that I’ve got a problem with.”
My stomach clenches instantly. I’d known Sonya didn’t think much of Vincent’s choice in his future wife, but so far, she’d been too preoccupied with other things to talk much shit about Rain. Hearing those words out of her mouth makes me immediately want to defend Rain, and that’s a problem. Because obviously, I have to take Sonya’s side.
“They seem nice enough,” I say casually. “A little naïve to how all this works, but after all, that’s why you like me, right? Because I’m a little rough around the edges?” I wink at Sonya, and she manages a tight smile, but she’s obviously still upset.
“They’re practically the same age,” she fumes. “It’s embarrassing. Vincent should be with someone more appropriate, someone who understands—”
“I thought Erin was still in high school?”
“Rain is barely out of high school!” Sonya purses her lips, taking a deep breath. “She’s nothing more than a silly child, and that’s why Vincent likes her. He wants someone to adore him, not someone who could possibly be his equal.”
“She looks more afraid than adoring,” I observe, keeping my voice neutral. I don’t want Sonya to know I’m fishing. Stil
l, it’s possible I could find some information about their relationship this way. Sonya might let something slip about how Rain really feels.
“Vincent would be fine with that, too.” Sonya shakes her head disgustedly. “Most of the men in this family are like that, though. Fear is fine, adoration is too, and none of them need to actually be good at what they do. My uncle is the exception.”
“Oh?” My heart thumps a little in my chest. Sonya is clearly angry and upset enough to talk, and I’m eager for any bits of information I can gather.
“Ezio is good at running the family business. He’s wise and intelligent, kind when it calls for it and harsh when need be. The family and those who work for him love him. His enemies fear him. And he instilled all of that into me. People will do far more for those they love than for those they fear, but if someone betrays you, if they cross you, they should know that hell is coming for them.” Sonya smiles, and it’s real this time. “Those are his exact words. He tried to teach it to Vincent, too, but Vincent doesn’t know how to make anyone love him. I don’t think he wants to. He loves the rush of power, the knowledge that others are afraid of him, and his tempers. But what he doesn’t understand is that temper makes others less likely to work with you, too. Businessmen want someone calm and rational, not hotheaded and egotistical. But Vincent is ruled by his ego.”
“So why is he in charge, then?” I shrug. “Sounds like your uncle was setting you up to run things. So why aren’t you?”
“Because I have a pussy.” Sonya laughs bitterly. “Six inches of skin between their legs is apparently all that’s needed to qualify them for the highest-ranking positions in this world. All that’s needed to inherit. I’m smarter, more logical, more cool-headed, and more capable than Vincent could ever hope to be, and I can be just as brutal to our enemies. But since Vincent has a cock, he inherits it. It’s a fucking tragedy.”
“And it’s not just that,” she continues. “I’m told to find a husband. To not let it get around that I have casual sex. To not let anyone hear about my flings. Meanwhile, the men in this family bring their mistresses to lunch and their wives to dinner. Vincent keeps all the girlfriends he can fuck—and I guarantee that little idiot he’s marrying doesn’t know about it. He doesn’t even have the good sense to be a man and be upfront about it, I’m sure.”
“So you think Vincent is cheating on her?”
Sonya looks at me as if I’m stupid. “Every man in this family is cheating on his wife. Except they don’t think of it as cheating, they think of it as their God-given right, just like their money and power and positions. And meanwhile, I’m told that I should feel lucky that I’m allowed even the little I do have, being a woman.”
“That’s shitty,” I agree. “You being a woman shouldn’t have anything to do with it.”
Sonya raises one arched eyebrow. “Do you really believe that, Chase?” She smiles, walking towards me, reaching behind her to slide the zipper of her dress down. “You don’t want a silly little child for a girlfriend?”
My chest clenches again. The fact is, I’d take Rain a million times over her. Sonya is hot and fucking amazing in bed, but she’s far from the only woman in the world who is gorgeous and a good fuck. “I don’t think Rain is that bad,” I say carefully. “But I don’t think of her that way. How could I, when I get to fuck the most gorgeous woman here?”
Sonya narrows her eyes. “Are you sure, Chase? You’re awfully defensive of her. Is there something I should know?”
My pulse leaps, but outwardly I manage to stay calm. It’s just a figure of speech; after all, there’s no way she could know anything about my past with Rain. There’s nothing in my cover story linking me to her.
“Of course not,” I say smoothly. “I just feel bad for her, that’s all. To be naïve, surrounded by so many strong personalities. Coming from where she has, trailer parks aren’t known for being cultured.” The words burn coming out of my mouth. I hate talking shit about Rain in any capacity. But this is the job, and it’s probably far from the worst thing I’ll have to say or do.
“Good.” Sonya smiles, shimmying out of her dress and leaving it in a pile on the floor so that she’s standing in front of me in just her smooth black lace bra and panties, her perfect bronzed figure within reach.
“You’re not cheating on me, are you?” I tease her, taking a step forward. “All these men and their mistresses, you have anyone hidden in the closet?”
“If I were, I’d be upfront about it,” Sonya says with a small laugh. “But no. This is all I need—for now, anyway.” She winks, sliding her hand between my legs to cup me through my jeans. I’m far from being in the mood. But my dick reacts anyway, hardening immediately at the pressure and warmth of her hand through the fabric.
“Oh, you did miss me.” She massages me there for a moment, rubbing her palm over the hard ridge. “Come on,” Sonya says, teasingly pulling me after her by her grip on my crotch. “I need a shower before dinner. You can join me.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say any number of smart-ass remarks, but I don’t. Instead, I follow her into the bathroom, stripping off my clothes as she turns on the shower and tosses her bra aside. I feel a surge of lust as her panties slide off of her perfectly shaped ass and down her legs, and by the time I’m in the shower with her under the hot water, I’m hard as hell.
But I’m still pissed. I don’t like how she talks about Rain, the way anyone in this family treats Rain. It takes all my effort constantly not to say or do anything to give away the fact that I know her, which makes my job even more fucking difficult than it already is. All in all, I’m sick of it, and I’m on the verge of taking it out on Sonya.
Luckily, she’s in the mood for it rough. She bites my lip when I kiss her and moans when I grab her waist and turn her around, bending her over against the shower wall. “Oh god, fuck me Chase,” she moans again. I waste no time doing exactly that, rubbing her clit for just a few seconds before I plunge myself balls-deep into her, my cock buried all the way inside of her.
I shouldn’t enjoy this as much as I do, I know. I shouldn’t want her. But it feels good to let go, to have some measure of power over her for just a few minutes, to be able to grab her and handle her in any way I like, to take out all my suppressed frustration and focus on the pleasure.
She cries out, her back arching and her hair flinging back as she comes, but I hardly notice. I’m too busy thrusting into her hard, losing myself in how good she feels around me, tight and hot and wet. As I feel myself approaching my own climax, my mind wanders for just a second.
I’ve always been good about not thinking about Rain while I’m with other girls. It always felt wrong—Rain wasn’t just a fantasy; she was my first love, more even than that, really. We were soulmates, and even if our lives went down different paths, it didn’t seem okay to picture her while I was inside someone else. But right now, with her just a floor beneath me and my emotions in an impossible tangle, thoughts of Rain fill my head.
The two women couldn’t be more different. Though, for just a second, it’s Rain’s slender body under my hands instead of Sonya’s fit curves, Rain’s tight virgin pussy gripping my dick, and her sweet, high voice moaning my name. I hear Zach, not Chase, for just a moment, and I see blonde hair spilling over pale skin, the humidity from the warmth of her room in the summer, and not the hot water beating against my back.
I’m so lost in it that I almost fuck up. The memory of Rain’s body clenching around mine while I came inside of her is enough to push me over the edge, and I almost finish inside Sonya. It’s all I can do to grit my teeth and not cry out Rain’s name as I pull out just in time, my cum spraying over her back and ass while Sonya arches her back, moaning as she feels the warm splash of it on her skin.
“Fuck,” I groan out through gritted teeth, rubbing my cock frantically until every last wave of the intense orgasm has passed. I feel guilty for thinking about Rain already, especially as Sonya turns around and wraps her arms around my nec
k, her full breasts pressing against my chest.
“Keep fucking me like that, and I won’t have any reason to cheat,” she says teasingly, kissing me before reaching for the shampoo.
I return the kiss, but my mind is a million miles away. Or rather, it’s downstairs, with the girl that I’d give anything to be kissing right now, instead of the woman in my arms.
And that’s a problem I have no fucking idea how to resolve.
25
Rain
All I can think about during dinner is Erin. I’m so upset by it that for once, I don’t think as much about the fact that Zach is sitting right fucking across from me calling himself Chase, or that Sonya looks at me like a bug she wants to crush under her shoe whenever our eyes meet, or that Vincent seems palpably annoyed with me. I know he’s already heard about what happened today. Nothing seems to occur without him knowing about it.
I can barely even eat because I’m so sick to my stomach, wondering how to make up with Erin, what Vincent will say about her behavior, and my little conflict with Sonya, if he’s going to flip out or think it’s no big deal. I don’t even know anymore, which is harder than if he were just nice or just an asshole all the time. Instead, I’m always waiting to see which Vincent I’m going to get. It’s exhausting.
Erin eats her food without a word, and Vincent squeezes my thigh halfway through dinner under the table, hissing in my ear: “You need to eat, Poppy. You wouldn’t want my mother to think you’re ungrateful, would you?”
Your mother didn’t even cook it, I think rebelliously. You wanted me to eat yogurt and salad back in New York, and now you’re mad I won’t eat pasta. But I don’t say any of that. Instead, I just mutely push forkfuls of veal marsala into my mouth, followed by the penne and pesto on the side, barely tasting it. It’s the best food in the world, literally, but my stomach is in so many knots that I feel like I’m going to throw it right back up.
