by Harlow James
“Vic, I’m sorry….”
“Just leave, Mike,” she interrupts me, my head falling between my slumped shoulders as I make my way out of her classroom.
“I’m sorry, Vic,” I declare once more, watching her face for some sort of reaction that I didn’t just ruin everything that I’ve been working towards for the last two months. Why did I let the green-eyed monster out of his cage? Why couldn’t I just enjoy the moment when Victoria was beneath me and all was right in the world? Oh, I know. Because I secretly wonder if she’ll be under him next.
“Thank you for the desk, Mike,” she says, and then slams the door in my face.
Chapter 17
Victoria
“Hayley, you look so gorgeous,” I whisper through my tears, admiring one of my best friends completely adorned in her wedding dress, white lace clinging to her body and delicate baby’s breath encircling her head.
“Thank you, Vic. But you need to stop crying, otherwise, all the time spent to make me look like this will have gone to waste,” she teases, dabbing beneath her eyes with a tissue.
“You two both look amazing. I, on the other hand, look like a giant tomato!” Pauline stands in front of a full-length mirror in the white tent constructed at Mrs. Hanson’s pond, wearing a bright red bridesmaid’s dress.
Tyler and Hayley are getting married today, the Sunday before Labor Day, at our town’s annual celebration down at Mrs. Hanson’s pond. Tyler proposed to Hayley last year on this day, so they wanted to keep things simple and make it their wedding anniversary as well. The celebration is patriotic themed, of course, so Hayley opted to change no details besides having their closest friends stand beside them as they recited their vows to one another. When these plans were made originally though, Pauline didn’t anticipate being nine months pregnant for this moment.
“Oh, Pauline… stop. You look radiant! You’re glowing. You’re…”
“HUGE!” she shouts, cutting me off. “I’m a fucking whale, and I’m so uncomfortable, and….” Tears are streaking down her face now, but not out of admiration for our friend. No, these are tears of frustration and utter defeat.
Hayley and I both wrap our arms around her, consoling her while she has her moment, and then she pulls herself together in her usual Pauline-like manner.
“Ok, I’m sorry, Hales,” she musters after a deep breath and wipes her eyes. “Today is about you, not me. Let’s get you married!”
Hayley tilts her head, giving Pauline a sincere smile. “It’s okay, Pauline. It will all be over soon enough, and you’ll have that baby boy in your arms finally. Now,” she bounces up and down with the biggest grin on her face. “Let’s get this show on the road, ladies! I’m getting married today!”
We finish our last-minute touches, reapplying make-up we’ve cried off, securing hairstyles with bobby pins, and clasping delicate necklaces and bracelets on our throats and wrists. The entire town has gathered at the pond this evening and is patiently waiting for the ceremony to begin. The girls and I are hiding out in the white tent rented for the occasion, shielded from the crowd before it’s time to make the fateful walk down the aisle. My body is on high alert, the nerves I’m feeling having nothing to do with standing up on display next to my friend while she declares her love for her man. No, the anxiety has everything to do with the fact that I must walk down the aisle with Mike today, whom I haven’t seen in almost a month.
After Mike left my classroom that day back in August, I’ve been avoiding both him and Ben. The image of the two of them in a standoff that morning, watching each other with such intensity, made me realize that this idea of dating them both was equivalent to me playing with fire, and someone would definitely get burned. I don’t know what I was thinking or who I thought I was that I could honestly date two men at the same time and be okay with it. My stomach has been in knots for the past three months, ever since that fateful night when I agreed to this charade. Until I could decide what I wanted to do or what I knew I needed to do, I figured it was best to just focus on my career I fought so hard for. So I immersed myself in work, attended all of my training, and finished decorating my classroom before school started this coming Wednesday, doing anything I could to keep myself busy and my mind off the mess that my love life had become.
But every time I looked at the desk in my classroom that Mike built me and ran my hands over the hand-crafted wood, I saw flashes of him hovering over me, kissing me wildly with such passion that I felt like I would combust. Then the heat was quickly extinguished by the reminder of our fiery argument in which he declared his frustration with the Ben situation and confronted me about my feelings for him, feelings that I know I can no longer deny.
The truth is, I completely understood where he was coming from. Seeing Ben kiss me couldn’t have been easy, but I couldn’t control that. Ben acted of his own accord. And Mike was very understanding when I prevented our physical encounter from going further. But the rage I saw on his face was alarming and a wake-up call that real feelings were involved and someone was bound to get hurt.
Ben reached out to me to hang out again, but I came up with any excuse I could to avoid it. And Mike had text me a few times in the weeks since then, checking in on me and communicating about Tyler and Hayley’s wedding, since he was one of the groomsmen. But other than that, we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. Of course, with today being the wedding, that time out had ended.
No matter how much I deny it or how hard I’ve fought it, I know Ben will never make me feel the way Mike does. I know that Mike is the one for me, but I’m so scared. I’m terrified to let him all the way in, fearful he will let me down again, or make me fall for him so deeply, I may never escape the hold he has on me if things between us didn’t work out. I still need an answer from him to why he stood me up five years ago. But besides that, I definitely feel that a discussion is necessary to decide how we move forward from here. Not only do I need to talk to Mike, but I need to end things with Ben completely as well. God, what a mess I’ve created.
“Knock, knock,” Dean announces his arrival as he pushes open the flap of the tent that’s masquerading as a door. Stepping fully into the room, he takes in the three of us, mostly admiring Pauline, before Mike cautiously follows behind him. My heart pauses in my chest at the sight of him, before thumping so hard in the next beat that I feel like I’m about to topple over. The navy blue suit clinging perfectly to his body is an anomaly in his appearance, a vision I am more than willing to appreciate in its entirety. Mike’s hair is slicked back identically to his brothers, his clean-shaven jaw so strong under his silent gaze, deadpanned on me. You can hear the crackling of the kindling burning between us, loud enough that everyone else in the room isn’t even speaking while our stare down continues.
Finally, Pauline breaks through the tension by clearing her throat. “Okay, then. Well, are we ready?” She gestures around the room, everyone nodding their heads in agreement, mine moving so slow it feels like time is standing still. Mike saunters up next to me, offering his elbow as I wrap my arm through it, locking our connection with my grip on my bouquet.
“You look gorgeous, Vic,” he whispers in my ear, the sound of his raspy voice heating my entire body more than the summer air surrounding us.
“Thank you,” I manage to reply, the emotion thick in my voice. My body feels like I’m about to explode, either in flames or tears, I’m not sure of which one yet.
Mike and I line up first, Pauline and Dean behind us, and then Hayley and her dad at the end while the music cues up and I brace myself to walk down the aisle with the man that has my heart completely.
Every step I take feels like a tick mark on the path to making things right. Every breath is a reminder that life is short, and you should spend it with the one you love. Every moment I remain connected to Mike only solidifies what I have always known deep down in my heart. He’s the one for me.
I survive the walk, releasing Mike’s grip on me at the very last second before taki
ng my place and performing the duty of the faithful bridesmaid. Tyler and Hayley exchange vows at sunset in a beautiful and heartfelt declaration of love, my heart beating with pride and gratitude for my friend. She has found her forever love, and I couldn’t be happier for her. Their story was anything but easy, a notion I’m starting to understand. Love isn’t simple. It’s messy and people are bound to make mistakes. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it.
After the ceremony ends, the celebration begins full of food, drinks, and laughter. The photographer bustles through the crowd, catching candid and posed pictures of our families and friends. Music wafts through the air, the chatter of people and screaming of kids creates a noisy atmosphere I can’t help but ignore. As I look at Mike across the dance floor in the open field next to the pond, the twinkling of lights hung over the space creating shadows as dozens of people lose themselves in the music, I realize he is worth it. I know we will fight and have disagreements, but imagining my life without him in it is more terrifying than taking the risk of having him by my side eternally.
Mike is dancing with Lilly, her feet resting on top of his as he effortlessly spins her around the dance floor. I’m seated at one of the tables with my legs crossed, my head propped in one hand, sipping my glass of champagne out of the other, envious of the smile on my sister’s face, so genuine and joyous, and at that moment I know… I have to talk to him tonight. I need to talk to Ben tonight too, and I need to put this whole thing to rest so I can move on with my life, a life with Mike.
No sooner do I come to this realization, I hear Pauline gasp on the dance floor, clutching her belly as water drips from between her legs. I instantly run over to her as people start to freeze on the makeshift hardwood. Mike breaks away from Lilly but ushers her over to meet us.
“Oh, shit!” Pauline exclaims, causing heads to turn and people to stare at the puddle gathering beneath her.
“Uh, was that your water breaking, P?” Dean stares down at her, swallowing hard, his eyes wide with anticipation.
“Yup, it sure was. Shit, we’ve gotta go! Hayley!” Pauline shouts across the field where Hayley is standing in her wedding dress next to Tyler, beaming from ear to ear and talking to Tyler’s Aunt and Uncle, Sue and Mic. Hayley turns to find her voice, then takes in the wet spot on the front of Pauline’s dress, her eyes widening as soon as she comprehends what has happened. Tyler drags her across the grass, her dress only allowing her to travel so fast before they reach us.
“Oh my God, Pauline! Did your water break? Or did you just pee yourself?” She tilts her head and winces, not sure exactly what to make of the situation.
“I’m pretty sure it was my water, Hales.” Pauline rolls her eyes at her. “I’m sorry, girl, but obviously, we’ve got to go. I love you, congratulations, and we’ll call you once we know more. From what I understand, this could take a while, but please enjoy your night. I love you and am so happy for you, Hales.” Hayley and I lean in to hug her, my ass pressed out as far as possible, avoiding touching her dress with mine.
“I love you too! Now go make me an auntie!” Hayley’s smile lights up as she looks over to Tyler, who just watches her every move.
“Me too! Let me know if you need anything, Pauline,” I beam over at her, beyond excited that my friend is about to become a mom.
“Good luck, man. Let us know if you need anything, too.” Tyler reaches out to shake Dean’s hand, which I notice is trembling.
“Thanks, man. Uh, let’s go P. Your bag is already in the truck, but we still have the drive to make to the hospital.” Dean’s nervousness is apparent, a complete contrast to the confident and brooding person he normally is. He places his hand on the small of Pauline’s back, his other holding her forearm as he guides her to the parking lot, the group of us watching them leave.
The monumental change in their lives they’re about to experience hits me hard, tears starting to form in my eyes. All of my friends are moving on with their lives, cementing futures and growing families, and here I am still afraid to tell the man that I love that I do, in fact, love him.
“Um, I’m going to go too. I need to call our mom and probably take her to the hospital later,” Mike chimes in, addressing our friends. His eyes find mine, and I see this as my opportunity to talk to him.
“Hey, can we talk really quick?” I flick my head away from the surrounding people before turning, hoping that Mike will follow. My wedges make the walk even more difficult as my body is shaking from my nerves. I can feel the heat on my back though, not from the summer night falling around us, but from the man that warms me up to unhealthy temperatures every time he is around. As I stop and turn around to face him, Mike’s body nearly bumps into mine, his hands reaching out and finding my arms to keep us from colliding.
“Sorry,” he mutters, looking down at the ground before back up at me. “How are you?” He asks hesitantly.
“I’m okay,” I offer through a small smile. “I really think we need to talk though. There’s a lot I need to say, but with Pauline in labor, who knows when we will get the chance…”
“I agree. I have a lot I need to say, too, Vic. But, can I ask?” He pauses, his forehead crinkling with uncertainty. “Should I prepare myself for the worst?” His eyes are full of fear, waiting for my answer.
I place my hand on his cheek, my soft embrace affirming my reply. “I don’t think so,” I answer softly. “Should I?” I whisper back, now understanding how he must have felt asking me that same question, short of breath and worried about the unknown.
“Not a chance,” he confirms, the butterflies in my stomach flapping wildly. We’re going to be okay.
After Mike says his goodbyes to everyone and leaves, I’m left chaperoning Lilly as my parents left early to spend some time together just the two of them, which doesn’t happen very often anymore.
“Did you see Mike dance with me?” Lilly gleefully brags as we make our way to my car after the party becomes too much for a nine-year-old to witness.
“I did. He’s a very good dancer.”
“Yeah, he is. Did he win you over yet? Because he sure has with me!” She exclaims, her outburst making me laugh as we drive home.
“He’s working on it. Relationships are complicated sometimes, but I have a feeling Mike and I will be okay,” I explain on a smile, meeting my sister’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
The next morning I get a text from Ben, asking if he could see me. Moments later, a group text from Dean announced that Pauline had delivered the baby and they were ready for visitors. Being the efficient person that I am, I decided to kill two birds with one stone, asking Ben to give me a ride to the hospital to see the baby so I could end things with him when he dropped me back off. I know, not the nicest thing using him for a ride, but I wanted to talk to Mike tonight, so the sooner I got this over with, the better.
Little did I know, the dynamite I would detonate by showing up to the hospital with Ben would leave a path of destruction behind.
Chapter 18
Mike
“Am I doing this right? Shit, I don’t want to drop him!” I take the seat offered to me by my brother, which helps me relax a bit. I’ve never held a baby before and damn, this is scary.
“You’re doing great, bro. He’s a Kelley for sure, isn’t he?” Dean asks me as we both stare down at the brand new life in my arms, taking in his dark features but the green eyes he was sure to inherit from Pauline.
Sitting here, holding my nephew, is one of the most surreal moments of my life. After dropping my mom off earlier today, I had to leave to finish a piece of furniture for a customer, only to return a few hours later as our friends also started to arrive. The tiny person resting in my arms brings so much clarity to my mind, cementing the need I have to experience this miracle in my own life, with Victoria and no one else.
“Damn right, bro,” I grin up at him, the two of us relishing in the continuation of our bloodline, the future of our family.
“Oh my gosh, Pauline! H
e is so freaking cute!” Hayley barges in the door, Tyler following close behind, as they make their way over to me holding Axel in the chair. The newlyweds emerged from their house long enough to visit but will return shortly, I’m sure.
“My turn, Mike. Hand him over!” Hayley demands the baby. I give in without a fight since there is only so much anxiety I can handle at once. The two of us shuffle the tiny bundle between our arms.
“Oh my gosh, he’s so tiny!” Hayley whispers now as she soaks in the baby wrapped up in her arms, smelling his head just as every other woman has who’s held him. It must be a female thing. “I’m so glad the two of you had sex!” She jokes, warranting a laugh from everyone in the room.
Pauline chuckles as she wipes a few stray tears dropping from her eyes at the sight of our family and friends meeting their son for the first time. “Me too, Hales.”
“I want one,” Hayley turns to Tyler, his eyebrows rising instantly at her declaration. Apparently, the newlyweds need to have a conversation about future plans.
“Really? Already?” His head turns around the room to take in the reaction of everyone else. Both grandmothers just nod in agreement. I sit there, shaking my head, but a wave of jealousy comes over me too. I want children someday. I can imagine Victoria and me in this same situation, an image I’ve dreamed about many times. A feeling of longing comes over me, sending doubts again that we will ever get there.
“We can talk about it later, babe,” Hayley brushes him off, refocusing on the baby. Vic and Ben filter through the doorway a minute later, his hand on her lower back. I see Dean glance over at me in my peripheral, but all I’m focused on is the vision in front of me I’m having a hard time understanding.
Our little agreement to talk last night at Tyler and Hayley’s wedding gave me more hope than I’d had in a month, ever since I blew up on her in her classroom. It was not my finest moment, but the pressure and anxiety over competing with Ben for her affection, when I knew his efforts were pointless, had finally taken its toll and I snapped. I know I owe Victoria an apology and I was optimistic that our talk would lead us down the path we’re meant to follow, just the two of us together, finally.
