“Your mom called.”
I’d have been less stunned if he head-butted me. My turn to stumble away from him. “My mother herself, or her office?”
“Your mother.” Something vaguely resembling pity curved around his eyes and lips. I turned away so I didn’t have to see it.
“You spoke with her?”
“Yes, she sounded very concerned. We had to inform her about your escape attempt.”
Fuck.
I picked up The Count of Monte Cristo and hugged it to my chest, wrapping my arms around it, and myself. As if I could wedge it inside. Hide it there behind my heart where it belonged.
“So you’re here to take my books. Is that what you’re trying to decide?”
He’d moved. His voice sounded closer now. “Why would I take your books?”
I snagged another one, and another, layering as many as I could hold on top of each other. Wrapping my sweater around the mass of them all. It didn’t matter which one. I loved them all “Because it was the deal I made with her when she first sent me inside. If I’m a good girl, if I don’t fight. If I stay, she won’t make the doctors take them away. If I imprison my body, she won’t lock up my soul.”
His breath ruffled my hair, and I tensed waiting for him to pry the tomes from my fingers. I’d fight this time. “You think I take orders from your mother?”
I turned to face him and found him closer than I estimated. Only a couple inches separating us. “Do you?”
He reached toward me and I hauled my books between my breasts and scurried away.
“Kory. I’m not going to take your books. No one will.”
I tried to slow my breathing, focus on his words. “Promise me.”
“Will it help you trust me?”
“No.”
“I promise. Your books are completely safe.”
God, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his torso and let him comfort me. More than anything, I wanted a place to put my trust. Someone to have faith in. Someone to believe me.
But I’d learned that lesson a long time ago. “If you’re not here for my books, what do you want?”
“To talk to you. Ask how you feel about all this.”
I hiked my books up again, still not trusting I could release them. “I don’t feel anything about it. My mother can talk to anyone she wants.”
“You don’t want to know what else we discussed?”
“You obviously want to tell me.”
He shrugged like he didn’t care.
“Please get to the point.”
One blink. “Your mother wants to talk to you.”
Fighting my mother was like standing in the ocean and trying not to get knocked down. Also, she didn’t call. Not ever. There were no calls at Christmas, none on New Year’s, not even on my birthday. So if she called now things were fucked…presidentially. I nodded once.
“When?” he asked.
“Now?” Better to rip off the Band-Aid quickly.
He rubbed the back of his neck and fidgeted. It would be cute if he weren’t marching me toward the plank. “Well…I mean, she might not be available right this second.” Yep. Flustered, he looked absolutely adorable.
I sighed and began to relax my shoulders, try to shake out some of the tension coiled tight. “Don’t worry. Just call her office back and make an appointment. I don’t have anywhere to be.”
He scanned me quick from head to toe. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and sat on the bed. The fight leeched out of me now, reminding me how often I fizzled on nothing. How often I let myself linger on the far scale of fight or flight. The one they don’t talk about…hide.
Of course, he didn’t take a weak head shake for an answer. But he surprised me when he crossed the room and sat beside me on the bed.
I met his eyes. “Aren’t you worried about your reputation?” I asked, deadpan.
His plush lops curled into a soft smile. “I don’t think you’re about to ravish me and ruin my chances for an advantageous marriage.”
I couldn’t help but smile back. “I’ll keep my hands to myself, for now.”
His eyes widened, and his lips parted a fraction. I rejoiced in still being alive enough to feel pure feminine pleasure in that look. Like he suffered with his control. And for it.
“I’ll let you get back to your lunch,” he whispered.
He walked out with a wave, and I didn’t want him to go. Besides, once my mother’s name had been invoked, it was impossible to eat. Plus, the super fun looming conversation with my mother I had to look forward to.
Ash didn’t return until early evening. He opened my door to find me suspended in Sirsasana. I inhaled and dropped my legs. The weight of his gaze soothed me and irritated me at the same time. I wanted his eyes on me, but not in the very clinical way he tried to maintain.
“Ready?” he asked.
Upright now, I wiped the sweat from my brown and stood. “Let’s get this over with. Hopefully, it will be our only conversation this year.”
He led me toward his office. “You only talk to your mother once a year?”
“How often do you speak to yours?”
He shrugged. “Almost every day. At least a text a day. She likes to send me pictures of recipes she’s working on.”
Damn. He just got cuter. I never had a sister, brother, hell not even a father. No one in my life I could develop that kind of relationship with.
We walked the rest of the way in silence. He opened the door of his office and held it for me precede him. It was a gentlemanly move. I wondered if he did it for all his patients.
I took the chair in front his desk and threw my feet onto the edge. He shoved them off as he came around to face me on the other side of the wood.
I glanced at his watch. “Don’t you ever go home?”
He smirked and picked up the phone. “Sometimes.”
I watched him while he dialed. Each push of the button purposeful. As was the slide of his gaze over my shoulder and not at me. Did he regret what happened between us? Only because now I’m his patient.
I focused as he handed me the phone across the desk.
I took it and eyed his lean back in the chair. “Some privacy?”
Again, he didn’t look at me. “Not a chance.”
“Even prisoners get privacy.”
He snorted. “No they don’t. Someone is always listening in prison too.”
I put the phone to my ear. “Hello, Mother.”
The good doctor’s eyes swung to me now, and he surveyed every twitch, every inhale. I resolved to give him nothing.
“Hello, Persephone.”
She knew how much I hated when she called me that. “To what do I own the esteemed honor, Senator?”
I used the time to get a good long look at Ash. First, locking eyes with him before slowly tracing my gaze down his neck, his chest, his stomach, stretched tight as he leaned back in the chair. I wished I could see more.
“Did you try to escape yesterday?”
I sighed and stood up. “Why are you asking a question you already know the answer to? How very unlike you.”
He spun to track me as I walked around his desk, but he didn’t make a sound as I used the tip of my shoe to spin the chair to face me.
“I wanted to give you the chance to explain yourself.”
I surveyed all of him now, taking my time. “Oh, you know, they haven’t put a Starbucks in here yet, and I was fiending for a latte.”
A shuffle from her side. “Neither irony or sarcasm is an argument.”
I propped up on the edge of his desk and planted my feet between his man-spread legs. I wanted to slide on his lap, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. “Well, Samuel Butler can suck it. I tried to escape, but it was a momentary lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again.”
She sucked in a gust of air. “Was that an apology?”
I laughed. “Never. Are we done?”
“Put your doctor on the phone.”
I handed the device across. He gave me a warning look. “Hello, Senator.”
I leaned out and reached for his belt buckle as he listened. He slapped my hands and narrowed his eyes.
He was fun to play with. I tried again, but he scooted back, my feet slid off the chair which gave me enough room to sink down to my knees in front of him.
He eyes flew wide in alert as he figured out my plan, and then he almost fell out of the chair scrambling to escape.
I stood and pasted on an innocent expression. “What’s wrong, Doctor?”
He said something in a rush on the phone then hung up. Using the phone, he pointed at me. “Not appropriate.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “None of this is appropriate. I shouldn’t even be here. You shouldn’t be my doctor. We could be in bed right now.”
He sat in the chair I’d vacated. “Do you want me to call another physician. It’s probably what I should have done it to begin with.”
“Fuck no. At least you’ve known me outside this place. I have a chance to convince you that you’re holding me prisoner.”
He folded his lips into a thin line, and a part of me felt guilty for pushing him. He’d made his stance clear. Another part told me to push harder, make him see the truth, that him finally learning my name was my only hope.
“No, this is wrong. I should have stepped away as soon as I realized who you were.” He put his back to me, and it felt worse than the guilt and reproach combined.
I went around him so I could see his face. “Please don’t. I promise to behave myself. Absolutely nothing inappropriate. Don’t leave me alone surrounded by strangers.”
He looked like he wanted to reach out, but held himself back. “I’m a stranger too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Stranger strangers.”
That earned me a smile and a chuckle. “If you let me help you, I won’t be a stranger,” he said.
All trace of humor disappeared. I turned to the door and looked back. “You’d be something worse—my doctor.”
Chapter Six
Ash
I dreamt about her. Probably not a good sign. I knew I should let her go, find a new job, or her a new hospital. Yet the fact we slept together only made me want to help her more. As if the time we spent together had been some sort of catalyst.
Fate? But I didn’t believe in fate.
I threw back the covers ignoring my morning wood. There’s only one woman on my mind, and it wouldn’t be right to think of her that way. Something I needed my body on board with as soon as possible.
I showered quickly, too tempted, to focused on what could have been.
Yeah, if you weren’t such a fuckup and had a tuned radar for the wrong woman every time.
It was always wrong. This time it wasn’t just timing or circumstance, but ethics. And sure, I already had her, my body knew what I was missing every single day. It became harder when she presented herself, inviting me to do what I already wanted to do so very badly.
I pushed thoughts of her away and put singular focus into my bagel. Bite. Chew. Don’t think of her. Drink. Bite. Chew. Anything but her.
On the drive, I made a decision to do what every doctor before me failed to do. I was going to diagnose her. Help her. She’d never had a normal life. Maybe once she was healthy, she could have one.
Not with me though. I pushed that possibly out of my head and started formulating a plan. First thing I needed was all her medical records and notes.
I requested anything the nurses had as I passed the station. Back in my office, I dug out what I’d already seen from the ancient filing cabinet. Could I get records from any other hospitals she’d been in? It would likely require me asking her to list them and explaining why. Or it would require another call to her mother. Which would be worse to me. Kory’s mother was a fearsome woman, and she made it clear she didn’t want to hear from me again.
One of the night nurses dropped off a file before leaving, I opened it to read what they thought of my troubled patient. Skimming the pages, I sighed and closed the file. It held nothing but regular vital stats and Kory’s scheduled meal times, not helpful at all.
I went back to the file from my drawers and settled in. I wanted to make a timeline first and see what I faced.
Twenty minutes later, I was even more confused than when I’d began. She’d been on so many different medications and with so many different diagnoses.
A patient with a different diagnosis wasn’t uncommon, but usually, the confusion had some sort of comorbidity. Depression and anxiety usually go hand in hand. But major illnesses like schizophrenia and hypersexuality paired themselves with a smattering of other illnesses.
I made the decision I’d been wrestling with since I first opened her file.
I sucked in a breath, forced it out, and picked up the phone. I dialed a number from memory. I’d seen his name earlier in the file. A woman answered. “Hello?”
“Can I speak to Doctor Zeus please?”
A beat before she answered. “May I ask who is calling?”
“Ash.”
The phone went quiet. I was thankful since I needed a moment to decide how to play this.
“Doc Z”, he said, then shuffling from his side.
I cleared my throat. “Hey man, it’s Ash. How are you?”
“Dude, I haven’t heard from you in forever. Same ol same ol here. What’s up?”
I made a last second decision to see him in person instead of asking over the phone. “Can I take you to lunch? There’s something I wanted to discuss with you.”
Silence. Then a shout. “You better not be pregnant, dude.” A thunderous laugh followed.
Some old Z. When I didn’t encourage him, he continued. “Yeah, sure man. Come by my office at one. Do you have the address?”
I hung up and stared at the phone. We hadn’t seen each other since our last fraternity reunion. Brother or not, I wasn’t looking forward to this.
Nurse Minthe walked into my office with a wide beautiful smile, and something in me relaxed. “How are you?”
She blushed so prettily, up her neck and into her ears. “I’m great, Doc. One of the nurses said you were hunting records for Kory.”
I piled up files, not meeting her eyes, using the motions as a barrier, a defense, to not betray the true depths of my interest. “Yes. Since she’s pretty much it for me at the moment, I figured I’d get as familiar with her case as possible.”
She nodded and sat in the chair in front of my desk. “There might be some in the basement. Do you want to go down with me, see if we can find them?”
Despite her words, the invitation in her voice and face was bold and straightforward. And part of me responded to that, what man wouldn’t? But I knew in my heart I couldn’t give her the attention she deserved.
“I have to run out soon and meet and old friend, but if you find them, maybe we can go over them together when I come back.”
Not a completely closed door, I hoped. Maybe a healthy relationship would compel my behavior. I shook my head and stood up. No woman should have to endure me so I could forget another.
She smiled softly and turned to go. I followed her out into the hall. A piece of fuzz sat on the starch white of her uniform jacket. I should have left it, but I reached out, and picked it off. She peered up at me with wide eyes, and licked her lips. I could taste her there, but no. I glanced away and snagged gazes with Kory who’d stopped frozen in the hallway.
I sighed, dropped my hand, and took a step back. Fucking hell. Sex and feelings again and again led to complications. It never failed to entwine me, pull tight, until I couldn’t breathe and was forced to make a run for it.
I nodded at Minthe and turned on my heels to go. A cowardly move, but I didn’t have energy to face her right now. I didn’t have the energy to reign myself in when faced with her and all she stirred up in me.
I fled to my car safe in the knowledge no one followed me. Zeus was ready when I arrived, so we walked ac
ross the street to a local soul place. Once we settled at a corner table with food, I sat back.
“What’s this about man? I haven’t seen you in a long time and suddenly you want to take me to lunch?”
I leaned forward and met his eyes. I wanted to see his face when I delivered my directive. “I want you to tell me about Kory.”
He blinked once and put down his spoon. “Who is Kory?” He crossed his arms. “You know I’m not allowed to confirm or deny having treated someone. Pa…”
“Patient doctor confidentiality. I know. I don’t really need you to confirm. I already saw your name in the medical records. What I want to know is what you thought about her. About her diagnosis, about her medications. Anything.”
He looked down at his soup, and I watched him carefully. “I’m sorry. I can’t tell you anything except if you are at that hospital, you should do your job, don’t ask questions, and get the hell out of there when you’re done.”
Something hot built in my chest. Doubts poured in. “Why do people keep telling me not to ask questions? Isn’t that part of being a doctor? Asking as many questions as possible until you get the right answers?”
“Not in that hell hole. You take your money and you leave.” His tone was now clipped and cold. I didn’t think I’d get much more out of him.
I threw some money on the table, and walked out. He didn’t meet my eyes once. Who or what could scare Zeus? He always needed to be the biggest, the loudest, the best. Hell, he enjoyed fighting for fun.
The only person I’d ever seen intimidate him was his ball-busting wife.
I considered everything as I walked back to my car. He was warning me off, as everyone else was also doing. But it only made me want to push harder. Dig deeper for the truth.
I played with the idea of going home instead of back to the office. The look on Kory’s face as she watched Minthe and I had etched itself my brain. I didn’t want to see it again in person.”
But we had a session this evening, and I didn’t want to let her down, like everyone else seemed to.
I drove back, gathered my papers, and sat behind my steering wheel, until I shifted and pressed my forehead to the top and let the hard bite of the leather instill some peace. But as long as Kory was in my life, I doubted I’d get it. Everything about her screamed chaos. Sexy, smart, beautiful fucking chaos.
Deranged: Twisted Myths Book One Page 4
