“That tough, huh?” He reached into his pocket, pulling out cash. “Here’s some money for groceries. I’m guessing Kent mostly has TV dinners. Just try to buy organic when you can.”
“Thanks, but he actually stocked up the fridge.”
“Really?” His eyes widened. “That’s…that’s surprising. Awesome. But just so you know, you’re always welcome over to our house for dinner,” he offered. “Tonight Daisy’s making meatless meatballs and a kale salad.”
“Oh man, not meatless meatballs and kale salad!” I sarcastically sighed. “That’s totally my favorite meal. I would stop by, but I have way too much homework.”
He smirked. “Don’t knock it till you try it.”
“So, is Dad always so…” I couldn’t think of the right word to describe him. Cold? Distant? Since I’d arrived he’d hardly said two words to me. When he was talking, he was normally cursing out the mailperson or the pizza delivery driver for some reason or another. He was great at finding reasons to be unhappy and grumpy.
Therefore, I stayed out of his way.
Lance frowned. “Over the years your dad has built cement walls. There’s a separation between him and the rest of the world. He’s a hard one to crack sometimes and lives a lot in his own mind. But don’t worry, just give it time. He’s really happy you’re here. He just has a hard time showing it.” He sat on the stool in front of the new drum set and started pounding against the drums. He lit the room up with colors that effortlessly flew off of his sticks. “Listen,” he shouted, “If you want me to talk to him, I can. I’ll do anything to make this easier for you, Levi. Just let me know.” He kept banging against the drums.
He made me feel a little less alone.
When he finished letting loose on the drums, he tossed me a smile. “That always feels good, man. If you ever need a place to escape, you can always come here. Except for when you can’t because we close at nine. But then you could always crash at our pad right upstairs. The door to that is through the back by the alleyway.”
“Awesome. Thanks again for everything.”
He stood up. “You play?”
“Not the drums.”
“Have at it,” he said, tossing the sticks at me. “Music runs through our blood. Bang around a bit and see if you can find any magic.”
* * *
Dad was sitting at his desk inside of his office with the door wide open when I came home from Soulful Things. He was wearing a pair of thick black-framed glasses, studying a stack of paperwork. I paused at his door and greeted him, hoping for at least a hello. “Hey,” I said, giving him a slight grin. He didn’t look up, but said hi.
We’re getting somewhere.
Ever since I’d arrived, I felt this knot in my stomach that if I said the wrong thing to him, he’d send me away. The dad I remembered was much more interested in me. Now, even though I was standing a few feet away from him, there was this strange distance between the two of us.
I tried to keep the conversation going, because it was clear he wasn’t interested in doing much talking. “The first day of school went okay. I like my classes. The teachers are fine. And—”
“Listen, I’m trying to get some shit done. You think we can do this small talk later?” he cut in, still staring at the paperwork. “Shut the door behind you.”
“Okay. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
He didn’t reply. I shut his door on my way out.
8 Aria
“I’m afraid,” Mom softly spoke after we pulled into our driveway. “I’m afraid for you. I see a lot of kids whose lives are forever changed by things like pregnancies. I’m a bit angry, too—at you, at myself—but we’ll figure this out, okay? I want you to know that you can talk to me. You can talk to me about what happened and with whom, Aria. I promise I’m here.” She climbed out of the car, slowly closing the door behind her.
I followed her inside, but I wasn’t ready to talk.
Mom relayed all of the information from the doctor’s appointment to Dad once we returned home. I was eleven weeks pregnant, I refused to dive into any details about James being the father, and I never wanted to hear the word abortion.
Are you going to get rid of it?
Dad brought up the word abortion five times that night. Each time I heard it, I felt a fragment of my heart breaking. Apparently his sister Molly had an abortion when she was a teenager and he said it was the best decision she ever made.
“She gave herself a life,” he argued. “Could you imagine Molly with a kid?”
No one could. Molly was what the world called a free spirit. Mom called her a slut—but that was another story involving a very strange Thanksgiving dinner two years ago at Simon’s house.
“Aria is not Molly.”
“It’s the same situation, Camila! She’s knocked up by God knows who. There’s an easy solution for this.”
Mom huffed. “Easy?”
Dad slammed his body into the living room chair and sank into it, running his hands over his head. “How could you let this happen?”
Mom’s eyes widen with horror. Mike came walking into the house just in time to hear the fighting. His football shoulder pads were still on, and he held his helmet under his left arm. “What’s going on?”
“We’re figuring out how to get rid of an issue.”
“We are not figuring that out,” Mom scolded Dad, shooting him the dirtiest look ever. I stood with my hands against my stomach. “This isn’t some kind of plumbing job you can just flush away, Adam! This is a life. Your daughter’s life.”
Dad’s eyes moved to me for the first time since the news. He stared as if he was looking through me. His brows burrowed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose before blinking and looking away. “It’s been a long day. What did you get for dinner?”
“You were supposed to pick up dinner. You knew I was taking Aria.”
He muttered, they argued, he muttered some more, they argued some more.
“I can order something,” I said.
“Forget it, Aria.” Dad sighed. He stood up from the chair. “You’ve done enough.”
“Is this going to be the norm now?” Mike asked Mom. He removed his shoulder pads. “Because if this place is just going to be yelling and shit, then I can stay at James’ house.”
The mere sound of James’ name made me want to hit something.
Are you going to get rid of it?
“Watch your attitude, Mike,” Mom said, heading for the kitchen, tugging on her ear. “Because I am really not in the mood today.”
* * *
When the pizza arrived, I took a few pieces, locked myself in my bedroom, and had my headphones blasting music from my cell phone into my ears.
If I hadn’t turned around to shut my window, I wouldn’t have seen Simon standing outside, about to tap on the window.
“Hey,” he said, giving me his ‘I really messed up and hope you forgive me, best friend’ eyes.
“Go away.”
He nodded, but didn’t leave. I did my best to ignore him as I sat on the edge of my bed and started painting a new canvas. Abstract art fit best for my current mood.
I painted for an hour straight. My eyes shifted to the window. Simon was still standing there, with both his hands in his pockets. He looked pathetic.
Good.
“Go away!” I said it once more, colder than before.
He nodded, but didn’t leave. He wasn’t going to leave either.
I walked over to the window and pushed the screen up. Leaning out of the window, I glared at him. “You were the one person who wasn’t supposed to ruin my life.”
“I know.” He frowned. I wished he wouldn’t. Seeing his sad eyes and stupid freckles was pretty sad. “I wasn’t thinking, and honestly Ms. Givens and I were just talking and talking and for a second it felt like it was just another friend. It felt like I was talking to you.”
“Don’t play the ‘my only friends are a school librarian and a pregnant girl’ card.”
“I can’t play that card because it’s a lie. The card I’m playing right now is ‘my only friend is a pregnant girl’. It’s the only card in my deck. I am going to stand here until you forgive me, because I am so sorry. I am sorry for being stupid.”
“You can’t stand here all night,” I argued.
“Yes I can.” His bottom lip twitched before he looked at the ground. “I’ll stay all night.”
My eyes shifted to his shoes. They were muddy. It had to be driving him crazy. He noticed me staring. “Simon…”
“It doesn’t matter.” He hiccupped, trying not to allow his OCD to control him. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. “It’s not bad,” he said, his face was turning red. He was seconds away from exploding from his own demons.
“Okay, okay. I forgive you.”
He refused to hold eye contact with me. “I was a very shitty best friend today.”
“Shut up, climb in the window, and clean your shoes.”
“Oh thank God.” He exhaled, climbing inside. He spent the next hour cleaning his shoes and apologizing to me. It wasn’t really necessary, though, because he was the only card in my deck, too, and I couldn’t afford to be cardless.
* * *
The next day Simon stood at the bus stop still apologizing to me for his mistake.
“My God, did I tell you how perfect your hair looks today? Did you do something different?” He smiled wide. “Because it looks like you went from a solid supermodel to like a super-supermodel.”
I didn’t reply, but he kept going. “Oh! And I made a list of reasons why you’re perfect. You want to hear it?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No. You don’t.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “You’re the only person who understands that tuna and roast beef go together. You can quote Star Wars movies. Your art skills are legendary. You keep cleaning wipes and hand sanitizer in your bedroom for me. You’re funny even when you’re not trying to be. You’re pretty much…” He didn’t stop for quite a while, he just kept going and going.
I could hardly listen to him, though, because all I was thinking about were the blue Chucks that had to arrive at the corner sooner than later. Levi almost missed the bus. He showed up about thirty seconds before the yellow cage pulled up. My eyes shifted to him, and I felt extremely bad.
What kind of jerk was I to call him a creep? There was nothing creepy about him. The only thing that was odd was how nice he treated me, especially after the lipstick on my locker situation.
I hadn’t thought of what I would say to him. I knew I had to say something, but I wasn’t sure how to pull my foot out of my mouth.
He looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. His shirt was wrinkled and his brown hair was still dripping wet from his shower. Our shoulders were next to one another, only inches apart, but for some reason Levi felt miles away.
I didn’t know him well enough to ask if he was angry with me, or if he’d had a bad night, or if he wanted to talk.
I didn’t know him at all, really.
Simon was the first to step onto the bus. Before he officially climbed aboard, he pushed his glasses up his nose and said, “You’ve befriended me, the biggest weirdo ever! You volunteered as tribute like that one girl from Hunger Games…” He frowned. “I can’t think of her name, though.”
“Katniss,” Levi said softly, nodding toward Simon. He brushed his thumb against his bottom lip. I swear he did it in slow motion, too, making me stare at his mouth as it formed words that made my heart skip. “Katniss Everdeen.” Levi Myers, ladies and gents. The biggest oxymoron of them all.
“Yes! You’re Katniss Everdeen,” Simon exclaimed, not taking notice of my heart flipping in my chest as I stared at Levi, who refused to look at me once.
I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know how.
* * *
Levi was putting salt in my wounds as he sat and spoke to Tori during lunch. He’d caught her red-lipstick-handed the day before at my locker, and instead of yelling at her, he was giving her his stupid smile that made every girl in school want to have his babies.
Well, except me. Once you get knocked up by someone at sixteen, the idea of having babies takes on a whole new meaning. Watching him talk to Tori was annoying. I should’ve looked away, but I couldn’t.
“I’m so happy I didn’t swoosh in after Tori and Eric broke up,” Simon sneered. “It seems the new guy is all over that anyway. Too bad for him, she’s a bitch.”
“You think he’s into her?” I asked, trying not to sound too interested, though secretly one hundred and ten percent interested.
“Are you kidding me? Of course he is. Look at her! And heck, look at him. I mean, I’m not into guys or anything, but he’s easy enough to stare at. He looks like he walked out of a soap opera as the hot lead character.” He paused. “Was that a weird thing to say?”
“A little.”
“Can we pretend I didn’t say it?”
“Probably not, no. But really, you think they are a match?”
“It’s like a match made in popular kids heaven,” he said.
“You don’t have to hate her just because I do.” I knew his eyes were still looking at Tori. She was his heaven, but he refused to say anything like that after what she’d done.
“No way,” he nudged me in the side, “you’re my best friend and we hate Tori. You know what they say, chicks before…chicks.” He paused. “People don’t say that, do they?”
I shook my head. “Probably not, no.”
Simon kept staring at Tori, and I kept staring at Levi. He was laughing with her and as her hand landed on his shoulder, I wanted to vomit. If there was one way to describe Levi, it was that he was a noticer. When he spoke to people, he stared as if he was really noticing every feature about them. He really paid attention. I hated how much attention he was paying to Tori right then instead of me, which was stupid because 1. I’d pushed him away, and 2. Sixteen and pregnant.
Tori tossed her head back in laughter and twirled her hair around her pinkie finger.
She was ridiculously perfect, and Levi noticed that fact. And I noticed him noticing her, too.
* * *
Around sixth hour, I considered skipping class. I’d never skipped a class in my life, but for some reason, it felt like the perfect time to run away. The front doors of the school were only a few feet away from me. With a quick movement, I could disappear onto the streets of Mayfair Heights and take a few moments to actually think.
Ever since I’d learned I was pregnant, I took no time whatsoever to think.
I stepped toward the doors.
Am I really going to keep the baby?
Does James have any say in that?
Am I ever going to feel as if I’m good enough?
My stomach was upset because of the mystery meat the lunch lady served, and I was fully convinced that I was leaving. I was walking out of that building come hell or high water.
“Hey, Aria.”
My steps were intercepted when Tori and her followers stepped in front of me with their fake smiles. Well, crap. I cocked an eyebrow. As I was about to turn around, Tori placed her hand on my shoulder. “I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday. It was super immature of us to do that to your locker, so I’m sorry.”
My shields were up. I didn’t say a word.
“Plus, your haircut is totes adorbs,” one of Tori’s sidekicks said.
Silence fell. The three girls narrowed their eyes at me like I was an alien. What were they waiting for? Me to forgive them? Because that wasn’t going to happen.
“Okay, whatever. I just thought I would say sorry.” Tori looked over her shoulder and smiled at someone. When I turned to see Levi, I rolled my eyes. Of course this ‘heartfelt apology’ had something to do with Levi. The second he walked off, the three girls’ kindness faded away, too.
“You’re so fugly it’s almost embarrassing that you’re pregnant,” one of
the girls said.
I assumed ‘fugly’ was the ‘popular’ word for fucking ugly.
“Did you wear a bag over your head when you let the guy all over you? You’re so pathetic.”
“It’s cute, really. How Levi sees you as a charity case. How he wanted to protect the little slutty freak’s feelings.”
They kept going. My fingers were digging into the palms of my hands, and I hadn’t a clue why they were so interested in me when less than twenty-four hours ago they hadn’t even known my name.
How can I go back in time to when they didn’t know my name?
Tears of outrage blurred my vision as I turned away from the girls and headed straight down the hallway.
“I don’t need you to fight my battles!” I said, marching toward Levi’s locker. He was switching out books for his next hour, and I sent them crashing to the ground. He didn’t break his stare from me. “Do you know how hard this is for me?! I don’t need you making it worse.”
My bottom lip was trembling as I fought the tears. Don’t cry. I felt like tears gave the person watching you a sort of power. I needed to hold onto as much power as I could nowadays. His eyes widened in shock. He stepped toward me. I moved back.
“Aria, I’m so sorry…” He reached out to touch my shoulder, but I flinched.
I took another step back. “I can’t believe I was going to apologize to you. You’re making it so easy for them to break me. Leave me alone, all right? Just…” The sadness in me deepened, my own self-doubt filling my mind with the words Tori and her friends had tossed my way. They were right. I was pathetic. “Please just leave me alone,” I whispered, feeling defeated.
9 Levi
She was beyond annoyed with me. I felt shitty about it, too. I wasn’t trying to stress her out more, but when Tori came up to me asking me to eat lunch with her and her friends, I thought it was a perfect chance to get them to apologize to Aria.
I didn’t know why I felt a pull toward her. She was emotionally shut off from the world, but every now and then she would give me a small smile that made me think she didn’t want to be so alone.
Art & Soul Page 6
