“I survived Baron once—”
“This is not about your survival. This about your relapse. This about you trying to escape something you should have faced down.”
I lay still. I didn’t answer.
“You are here so you don’t have to think. You’re getting in too deep with everything, Vanity.” She let out a deep, long, slow breath and I knew things I didn’t want to hear were about to come out. I was also in no position to fight her, to stop her from saying them.
“You need to think, love. You’re going to have to sit and think very, very hard about all this. I know you talked to your man about this poly, but here’s something else you need to think about. Are you able to handle a poly relationship? And that’s not a dig on you or me or your man—it’s the truth. There are some people and sometimes when a poly isn’t going to work. And you’re stressed out and confused.”
I grabbed her hand and held it. “I love you.”
“I know. And you love him too. I fill a space inside you the same way you do me. But he offers you a house. Maybe kids if you want them. A warm bed, a comfortable life. What we have is something so much more difficult.”
“But I love you.”
“I love you, too. And so does he. I have no problem sharing you with him, and so far I haven’t heard that he has a problem with this either. But you…you’re different. You aren’t having trouble with it traditionally, but you’re using each of us as an excuse to not face something. This is the first time you’ve done it, but I think you could make this a bad habit. I am not going to kick you out, but you need, and I mean need to think about all of this. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean running to one of us to avoid something going on with the other.”
I didn’t want to hear what she was saying, but it was the truth.
I’d run away from the home Simon offered me to avoid a messy truth I didn’t want to face. To a place that should have been a sanctuary, but I fouled up because I couldn’t deal with who I was.
“You need time.” She sat up on the bed and stroked me slowly and carefully. “Don’t you dare lie to your man about where you went. Be honest, and we’ll both help you figure this out.”
To say I was fucked up in the head was probably a gross understatement.
Simon
“Detective?”
Darien’s voice on the other end of the phone was confused. I didn’t blame him. I’d ask him to come over at seven that night.
“Master Thompson. I’m afraid I’m calling to cancel.”
Silence followed that down the line and it took a moment for him to answer. “May I ask why?”
“Vanity isn’t here. She…” I let the words trail off.
“She what?”
Heaving a sigh, I forced the answer out. “She went to her Domme.”
“Her Dom?” He was even more confused.
“Fem-dom, Darien. She’s been seeing a woman since we started dating. A polyamory situation, and instead of waiting for me tonight, she went to her.”
“Huh,” he said. Another moment of quiet. “I am sorry, Simon. She didn’t confide that in me. I would have…well. I would have discouraged it.”
“Should I have?”
“My gut is to say yes.” He didn’t hesitate on the answer. “But you’re here now, so I can’t tell you to reneg on the agreement either. Are you comfortable with it?”
“I am,” I answered, then added, “I was. Until now. That she felt she had to run off while I worked…”
I could almost hear him nodding on the other end of the phone. “It is time for the two of you—no, the three of you to sit down and talk this through. All the way through. I am sorry I won’t be visiting tonight, though. Would you care to join us for a scotch at the bar?”
The yes was on the tip of my tongue when I spied the folder on the table. “No. Thanks, though. I’ll text if I change my mind.”
“Simon?”
“Yes?”
“Go slowly and carefully, Detective. You’re not in a good place right now, and mistakes are easily made.”
I nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be fine.”
“Good night.”
I pressed the end button on the phone and didn’t know what I should be feeling at that moment. I wanted to be mad, but at the same time, I had agreed to the arrangement. She left me a note, but she didn’t give a chance to talk to her. She said she’d be back at nine, but she’d be too tired to do anything. She’d have trouble showering and changing for bed.
Sitting down at the table, I flipped open the folder. It had been tucked under the door when I got home, and it was exactly what I thought it was.
The divorce decree.
Everything that Cameron and I had agreed on, written down in black ink with flags for me to sign and for her to sign.
Initial here, here, and here, and done. Ten years of a relationship, six years of a marriage, a year of limbo, and all it took was the slash of our blue pens to end it all.
The clock said it was just six. Cam would be home, and I could get this part of my life over with. And within a few minutes, I found myself knocking on the door of her apartment.
The door pulled open and she was standing in a robe, drying her hair.
Once more—maybe the last time—I was struck by how beautiful she was.
“Simon?”
“Hi, Cam.”
“Come on in,” she said, stepping out of the way. “Just got home. Give me a minute to toss on some sweats. There’s soda and beer in the fridge. Make coffee if you like.”
Wandering into the kitchen, I just pulled out two Rolling Rocks and popped them open. I dropped the folder in the middle of the table and leaned on the counter, looking out the window.
Cam walked back in a few minutes later, in workout clothes that once again, punched me in gut as it showed off just how incredible her body was.
She stopped at the table. “Does that folder have what I think it does?”
“Divorce papers.”
She stared at them the same way I did. Confused, worried, lost. She snagged the beer and came to stand next to me facing into the room.
Cam heaved a sigh. “I made a mistake.”
Glancing over, I took a sip of the beer. I had no idea what I was supposed to say.
She looked away, bobbing her head uncomfortably. “I did. I made a mistake. I never should have walked away from you the way I did.”
“It’s kind of late.”
She choked. “I know. I was scared. I thought I didn’t want what we had. I knew we were going to start talking about kids. I just didn’t know how to ask you for time, for a little freedom between us. I had things I wanted to explore…”
“I would have given you the world, Cam.”
Taking another draught off the beer, she nodded. “I know that now. And I also know I don’t have a chance anymore. I’m sorry, Simon. I wish—”
“There’s lots of things to wish for.”
Cam walked over to the chair and sat down. “Are you happy with your new girl?”
“It’s so damn complicated, Cameron.” I sipped the Rolling Rock and turned to face her. “I don’t know what to think about her. She…is amazing in so many ways, and tonight she hurt me. Bad. She is so complicated. I don’t…”
I pursed my lips and chewed on the inside of my cheek. “With you, I knew what was going to be waiting when I got home. No matter how awful my day had been, no matter what I saw, you were there. You were safe. Even when I didn’t want to talk, you would chat about your kids and it would calm me down. You weren’t the question mark in our relationship.”
“You need stability, Simon. You have a damn tough job, and I always knew that. I mean, those kids weren’t easy, but you…” She sipped the beer again. “Does she understand that about you?”
“She does, but it’s not as simple as that. I wish…” I bit my tongue. It wasn’t Cameron’s place to play therapist with me and Vanity. We had to figure our own shit out. “I wish it were a
little bit more simple.”
A sardonic laugh escaped her. “Same. Good relationship, but way more complicated than it needs to be. I’ve”—she glanced down at the floor—“I spent my whole shower thinking about breaking it off. When I left you, I thought this was the life I wanted, more than anything. Enough to leave a man I loved.”
“Loved?” I asked.
She threw a hand at me, waving me away. “Shut up. I still do, you ass. I just know that with where you are and with where I am, we can’t fix it. Neither of us should expect that.”
I stared at the trees just outside the window. My mouth betrayed me completely. “What do you do when you think you’ve given too much ground? When you thought you would be okay with something but you’re not?”
“You have to renegotiate.” She walked over and leaned against the sink next to me again. “You have to go back to where you made the deal and check it out again.”
“Go back on something that makes her happy.”
“If it doesn’t make you happy too, yes.”
I glanced over at her. “That’s where we screwed up.”
“I guess so. I didn’t talk to you about what was going on up here.” She tapped her temple. “And you never came after me to talk about it.”
“I didn’t know what there was to talk about.” It was a hard admission for me, but I had just let her go. I didn’t challenge for her, I didn’t fight for her.
Cam pointed her chin at the table. “We’re really going to do this?” she asked quietly.
“What choice do we have? We’re both in relationships beyond this one. We’ve been apart for over a year.” I sighed. Her eyes unfocused and she stared out of the room. “You know what I really, really miss with you?”
I cocked my head and waited for her answer.
“The bedroom.”
I snorted. “Really?”
“Not just the sex, Simon. More than that. Yes, the sex, you’re a good lay. But the snuggling. The touches. The way you would reach out in the middle of the night and find my hand. The way you stole the sheets and gave them back.” She grinned. “The few times you woke me up the middle of the night, made love to me, and we both fell back to sleep. No reason. Just woke up, screwed me silly, and that was it.”
I remembered that. I had woken up a few times in the middle of the night, erect, and when I realized I had a sexy willing wife lying there… Well, I just decided it was the best use of a hard-on to make her come. She’d returned the favor a few times.
Maybe Vanity and I would get there. We might get to a point where we just had sex, where I didn’t feel like sex was a stage production, and we flowed into it.
I was upset. I was more than upset. She was running to someone else to repair her damages when I was the one who wanted to do that for her. I was the one who should be helping her, and she should be helping me. I needed to find her in the house today, to know she was going to be there for me, and with me.
Today I had dealt with liquefied human remains and I needed a smile and a hello. She couldn’t do that for me.
Rubbing my forehead, I glanced over at Cameron. She cocked her head and looked at me. “You don’t really want to sign those papers either, do you?”
“Jesus, Cameron, I don’t know. We should, and you know that as well as I do.”
She nodded mutely.
I raked a hand through my hair. “What the hell do we do? I can’t exist in this limbo, but I don’t know if it’s really a limbo or what the hell is going on.”
She looked down at the sink. “I…I would still want to give it a try if you wanted to. We were good, and all of this is my fault.”
“No, it’s not, and that’s a bad idea. How can we give this a try again? We’re both in relationships, no matter what the status of those is. I can’t just leave her either—she lives at the house. Can you imagine that? Hey, baby, time to move out. Me and the ol’ missus are going to give it a try. Too bad, so sad, good luck.”
Cam chuckled and shook her head.
“I can’t do that to her. And I’m not going to lie about it either. I love her, Cameron. I do. She’s amazing, but she’s just really complicated. I won’t walk away.”
“I know.” She sighed. “Just the same way you don’t want to walk away from me, either. You’re a good man, Simon. And I’m not a good woman.”
Shaking my head, I turned and stared at her. “Don’t say that. You are a good woman. We both made mistakes. Should we or could we fix this? Who knows.” Laughing, I shook my head. “Been around the BDSM community too long.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because the phrase, ‘hey want to try polyamory?’ popped into my head.” I folded my arms. “That’s what’s got me here in the first place.”
“Polyamory…” Cam didn’t move.
“Yeah, having two different people fill two different needs. It’s not common, but it happens frequently enough.”
“No, I know what it is. Are you…comfortable with it?”
I slid my eyes to her as my head swiveled with them. “You cannot possibly be thinking that’s a solution to all this.”
Maybe she wasn’t, and I wasn’t allowing my brain to consider it, but my dick was on board. After nearly fourteen months away from her, my body was going to respond now? This way?
“I don’t know.” Her tone was defeated. “I don’t know what to think about any of this.”
I turned and put my hands on her shoulders. “Cam. We don’t have to sign that today. It’s only when we both sign it and both date it that it’s a valid and binding document. Do you want to wait?”
Her eyes roved over my face, trying to find something, maybe trying to recapture something. I just waited for her to finish what she was doing.
She did the very last thing I expected.
Cameron stepped into me and grabbed my collar. She yanked me forward and slammed her mouth over mine.
Holy shit, I’d forgotten her taste too. She was mint and fresh herbs, and it was overwhelming. It ripped all the thoughts out of my head and pushed just the awareness of her in to my mind.
“Fuck me, Simon. Like you used to. Like we loved to before we fell apart.”
I swallowed, hard, staring at her wild, now-dark eyes and the lust I’d forgotten they could hold. Her chest heaved with every pant of breath, lifting and making an offering of her breasts.
“Cameron…” I managed to finally squeak out.
“One more time. One more time as husband and wife.”
All the delicious memories of her and her body and our lovemaking, from the first time until they faded and blended together, ran through my mind. We had matched so well, we had slid together so easily. There were memories of times I had come home from work and taken her against the counter or dragged her up to the shower. There were times on the couch, in the car, in the pool. We had hidden beneath the boardwalk on vacation and found a closet at our wedding.
I shoved my hands under her shirt and pushed it up, over her breasts. My lips found her nipple and my mouth remembered what she liked. I suckled there a moment and then nibbled a moment more.
She had made quick work of the fasteners on my pants, and she wrapped her hand around my erection, pumping up and down with a tight-but-careful grip. Her other hand shoved the pants and boxers down.
With a quick move, her pants were off her hips and to the ground. I ran a hand down the back of her leg and lifted so her foot rested on the countertop. She was still flexible as hell.
Gentle and slow was not an option. I pushed two fingers inside her, as deep as I could get them and wiggled them. Her breath stuttered, and I could feel that her legs were trying to buckle.
Hauling her even closer, I used the thumb of my hand that was busy inside her to tease her clit. She was shaking now, and one hand pulled at her own nipples. With another wiggle of my fingers inside her, the groan slipped out and I could feel her release her wetness.
Her other hand squeezed my dick again and this wasn’
t the time for teasing or waiting. I pulled my fingers free and pushed myself inside her.
We both let out a groan of relief and desire. It felt good to be inside my wife. I jacked my hips and she yelped as I found her deep end.
I grabbed her ass with both hands to hold her where I needed her and slammed hard inside.
“Oh, shit, yes,” she hissed in my ear. “Go. Fuck me, Si. Please…”
I leaned back on the counter and got her other foot up on the sink as she wrapped her arms around my neck. My hips came up as hers came down, plunging me deep inside her. Over and over, I slipped her up and down my shaft. Spread as wide as she was, her clit slid on my skin, the fine hairs that my erection sprang from rubbing against her.
Her motions grew more frantic and I obliged her demands. We collided again and again, and I finally bent down to bite her nipple just seconds before I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.
She came, hard, wailing her climax into the room and grinding against me as I followed her down into ecstasy. I released my cum inside her, bathing her walls again and again.
Slowly, surely, we came down, our motions against each other lessening for a while. I breathed hard into the crook of her neck, regaining my balance.
Her eyes snapped to mine and instead of the pleasure I thought should be there, they were filled with horror. A moment later, mine shifted as well—the relief of release gone, and a horrid realization of what had just happened shot through me.
“Oh, God. What have we done?”
Vanity
Simon just hadn’t been himself since the day they found Mistress Dee dead. He had been moping and avoiding me. He’d been unspeakably upset that night, but it had slowly decreased. He had taken to sleeping on the couch most nights, and I didn’t like that. This was his house and he wasn’t sleeping in his own bed.
What had I done to piss him off?
It had to be me, too. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would do something to hurt me.
Double Entendre: (City of Steel 2) (The Vault) Page 14
