Levi’s heart sank.
“But it’s because of the things I’ve done,” Cole continued. “I still remember the scars I’ve caused Micah. I can’t be his alpha, but... I’ve ruined his life, Levi. Some days, I don’t know if I’ve paid my penance.”
There was that, too. Levi bit his lip. “What if you talk to him? I don’t think he holds a grudge against you. It’s been years.”
Cole sighed. “I hold that grudge against myself. I dream about it some nights, you know. The fire, the burns.”
Cole sometimes snarled and thrashed in his sleep, but Levi hadn’t thought it was still because of that accident.
“Oh,” Levi said softly. “But you deserve happiness, too.”
Cole gave a crooked smile. “You think so?”
Levi nodded. “Yeah.”
Cole closed the distance between them, catching Levi’s chin between his fingers. Then he tipped Levi’s face up, and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips.
“If I could,” Cole whispered, “I think I know who I’d like to marry.”
He looked into Levi’s eyes, and Levi’s stomach flipped. Suddenly self-conscious, Levi turned away, his heart pounding too fast.
“M-Maybe we could set up some dates for Micah,” Levi mumbled. “So he has a chance of finding the alpha he wants. I mean, I’ve tried it before and it’s never worked out for him, but...”
“If you really want to do that, sure,” Cole said, stroking Levi’s jaw. “I’m game.”
If they helped Micah date successfully, if Micah got over the accident and moved on with his life... then maybe Cole could forgive himself. And maybe Cole could find it in his heart to bond with an omega again.
It wouldn’t be Levi, but... if Cole was happy, Levi figured that he’d be happy, too.
12
Cole
“I want Daddy pancake,” Jenn said, pushing her plate away.
Cole pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes sticky with exhaustion. It was day five of babysitting the kids. He’d just gotten home from a twenty-four-hour shift, and he needed some sleep real badly.
Even so, he wished Jenn and Taylor were his. Jenn had been squirming under the covers to nap with him, and Taylor giggled whenever Cole made silly faces.
Having the children close by... It felt good. Felt like he had his very own family, especially whenever Levi brought Taylor to him so Cole could kiss the boy.
“These are also good,” Cole said, nudging the plate back at Jenn. “Yum yum yum.”
Jenn shook her head. “Uh-uh.”
“But you haven’t tried them yet. Go on, they’re good.”
Cole set his spatula down, sitting heavily next to Jenn at the kitchen table. “C’mon, kiddo. Eat. I need to catch forty winks.”
Levi was in the next room, changing Taylor’s diapers. He wasn’t faring much better, either—with Cole away at the fire station, Levi had been struggling. Cole figured that one child would be easy enough—sleep when the kid slept, and wake up when the child did.
But two children meant that at least one child was awake at any time of the day. And so with Cole on duty, Levi had been staying up the last twenty-four hours, too. And he also had a job at Ollie’s music shop, which made things twice as difficult for him.
Levi staggered back into the kitchen, Taylor in his arms. He sank into the chair next to Cole, and closed his eyes. “I’m going to fall asleep,” he mumbled.
Levi smelled like baby food, some spit-up, some pee. His hair was matted, and his glasses skewed to the side when he laid his head on Cole’s shoulder. Cole fought the urge to bring them all to bed, and just go to sleep.
“Are you regretting this yet?” Cole asked, stifling a yawn.
Levi began to yawn, too. “Not yet.”
“When are you gonna?”
“Maybe by the end of next week.”
Cole chuckled, slinging his arm around Levi’s waist. “How about you nap for a couple hours, and we’ll switch?”
“But you’ve been working all day,” Levi said.
“So have you.”
Levi groaned. “We’ll switch, I guess.”
“I can stay up for another couple hours,” Cole said. “Go get some rest.”
Levi mumbled something incoherent, nuzzling against Cole’s neck.
“I rather not carry you,” Cole said, eyeing Jenn with her pancake. “So get on your feet and start moving.”
“How cruel.” Levi cradled Taylor against himself, his grip steady even in his exhaustion. Cole fought down a smile, watching him. Levi cared for these children—so much more than he let on.
He would be like this with their own baby, too, wouldn’t he? Cole imagined for a moment, again, that these children were his. And Levi’s. And they would raise Jenn and Taylor as their own, teaching them, growing with them. They’d go on trips together, they’d help these children up when they scraped their knees.
“Stay put, Jenn,” Cole said, watching as Jenn stabbed at the pancake with her plastic fork. Jenn nodded, so Cole scooped Levi up into his arms, baby and all.
Levi made a soft, surprised sound. “I thought you said you weren’t going to—”
“I changed my mind,” Cole said.
He brought Levi into their bedroom, depositing Levi gently on the bed. Pulled off Levi’s shoes, then took Taylor out of his arms. Levi shuffled onto the pillows—Cole’s—and planted his face right on it.
“That’s my side,” Cole said, grinning.
“Mmph.” Levi wrapped his arms around the pillow. In moments, he was snoring, dirty clothes and all.
Cole leaned in, pressing a kiss to his ear. Then he brought Taylor back to the kitchen, where Jenn had begun to nibble on the pancake.
“So you like it,” Cole said.
Jenn shook her head. “Uh-uh.”
Cole grabbed a pancake off the pile, shoved it into his mouth, and closed his eyes with a big smile. “This is delicious. Mm!”
When he bit into his second pancake, tiny fingers grabbed at his face. Jenn pulled the remaining pancake away from Cole, cramming it into her own mouth.
Cole grinned. That worked, every time. Levi hadn’t wanted to trick Jenn like that—more props to him. But Cole had no such compunction.
He fed Taylor, too, and made sure Jenn had more food. When they were done, Cole bundled up the children, then took them to Olivier’s Strings, opening the store.
He was a little late, but when Ollie’s regulars saw him with the sleeping boy in his child carrier, they broke into smiles.
Three hours later, his phone buzzed. Levi.
“Yeah?” Cole answered. “You got my text?”
“I can’t believe I forgot about the shop—you didn’t wake me! I’m on my way,” Levi said, sounding panicked.
“Things are going fine here,” Cole said, yawning. “But I need a nap.”
“I’ll be there soon,” Levi said.
Cole kept an eye on Taylor in the playpen, and Jenn napping next to him. When Levi burst in through the backdoor, he made a beeline straight for Cole.
“You said you’d let me sleep for two hours,” Levi whispered, trying to look angry. “That wasn’t two hours, Cole.”
Cole shrugged. “You looked like you needed it.”
Levi grabbed Cole’s face, hauled him down, and kissed him hard on the lips.
Was staying up worth it? Hell yeah it was.
Cole backed him up against the storage shelves, kissing Levi just as deep. Levi tasted like minty toothpaste, and after a whole day of work, his jasmine-and-honey scent was just so welcome.
The bells on the front door jangled—a new customer. Cole broke the kiss, admiring Levi’s kiss-swollen lips, his heaving chest.
Ever since the children arrived, they hadn’t had time to themselves for much more than a stolen kiss here and there. Cole missed the privacy of their bedroom, and Levi’s taut body squirming beneath him.
“Eight more days,” Cole whispered. “Then you’re all mine again.”
> Levi’s cheeks darkened, and Cole couldn’t help sneaking another kiss in.
* * *
“Do you know any single alphas who’d like an omega?” Levi asked later, when Cole had woken up from his nap and they were closing shop.
Cole raised his eyebrows, tickling Taylor under the chin. “Why? Are you looking to trade me off?”
Levi frowned deeply. “You think I’d do that?”
“I’m just asking.” Cole grinned, something settling in his chest. So Levi would keep him, then. “Can’t be too sure when I’m seeing a highly eligible and sought-after omega.”
Levi snorted. “Sure, keep on thinking that.”
“Of course.”
Cole sneaked up behind Levi, wrapping his free arm around his omega. Levi yelped. Cole pressed him up against the front door, kissing his neck.
“Cole!” Levi gasped. “It’s—It’s all glass here. People can see.”
“Yeah, and I have a baby in my other arm. What do you think I’m gonna do?” Cole nipped at Levi’s nape, sniffing his hair. “Store’s closed. ‘Sides, it’s not like I’m twenty years older than you or something.”
Levi looked askance at him. “Would you still be doing this if I were that much older?”
Cole thought about it. Hard to tell, when he’d all but grown up with Levi. “Probably? I mean, if I’ve already spent half my life with you... very likely.”
But Levi never answered the question from that day in the laundry room.
“Who would you marry if you could?” Cole asked, dragging his wrist down Levi’s chest.
“That’s not a good question to ask, is it?” Levi mumbled, his ears turning red.
Cole couldn’t tell if Levi had read his answer that day—he thought he’d been plenty obvious. But he didn’t want to discuss it, either, when he didn’t think this relationship would be long-term.
Levi squirmed out of his embrace. “The thing is, if you know of someone who would go on a date with Micah... I think he might cheer up,” Levi said. “So I wondered if there’s anyone available at the station.”
Micah again. Difficult topic. “We have a department party coming up this weekend. I’ll ask around. Wanna come? We can bring these guys along.”
Levi chewed on his lip. “I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. I mean... I love Taylor and Jenn, but they’re still not ours.”
Well, that would kill the pretense, telling everyone that the children were just relatives. “We could go anyway. I’m gonna ask how some of the other guys care for their kids.”
“Some hire babysitters.” Levi smiled wryly. “I worked for Brad some years back, before I went full-time with Ollie’s Strings.”
Cole blinked, surprised. “Huh. Small world. He’s on my shift.”
“It is a pretty small town.”
Mostly, Cole wanted to bring Levi to the station. Show off the omega he was dating. Because he liked his scent on Levi, and because Levi was pregnant with their baby, as much as Levi refused to talk about it.
Cole waited until Levi lowered the storefront shutters. Then, when Levi turned back to him, Cole knelt before his omega, nuzzling his belly.
“Sorry I was away the whole of yesterday,” he murmured, kissing where their baby was. “So I’m gonna make it up to you today. Your dad hasn’t had enough sleep because he’s been taking care of your cousins, but I still think he’s really brave and strong. You’ve got a wonderful dad, you know?”
Levi flushed. “Are you sure you should be saying that?”
“What, that you’re wonderful?” Cole grinned.
“Yeah.”
“‘Course I’m sure.” Cole paused. “Are you going to say hi to our baby, too?”
Levi bit his lip, looking down at his belly.
“C’mon, say hi,” Cole murmured, kissing Levi’s abdomen. “Just one word every day.”
“You know how much you’re asking of me, don’t you?” Levi looked away. “I can’t just say one word every day. It’s like a slippery slope. I’ll fall in love with the baby so fast, and it’s going to break my heart again.”
Cole remembered the clearing of little graves, his heart squeezing tight. “When do you—When do you have the highest risk of losing them?”
“About four months in.” Levi sighed. “Look, if I manage to carry it for six months... I’ll say hi.”
They were just over five weeks in, and the six-month milestone was forever away. “Any idea why you lost the others?” Cole asked.
Levi shrugged uneasily. “I was talking to a med student. He said it might be because my body can’t deal with a pregnancy.”
“You’ve never been to a doctor?”
“After five losses... I figured there wasn’t a point.” Levi turned away, heading toward the backroom. “I’ve been doing everything right. There’s something wrong with me.”
His tone was jaded, hopeless. Heart aching, Cole trailed after Levi, to where Jenn was smushing her stuffed animals together.
“Okay, we won’t talk about the baby for now,” Cole said. “But you’ll come with me to the department party, won’t you? I haven’t brought anyone in ages. The other guys say I’m gonna be forever alone and I want to prove them wrong.”
Levi glanced over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. “You want to prove them wrong?”
Cole chuckled, embarrassed. “Well, I just wanted to show them my omega.”
Levi shoved his glasses up his nose. “I’m not someone you want to show to anyone.”
Except the full, warm feeling in his chest said otherwise. Cole set Taylor in the playpen with Jenn; Jenn gave her brother a stuffed frog.
Levi watched the children, his eyes wistful. Cole had given Levi another couple hours’ sleep since they got here, and Cole had peeked in on him, finding Levi dozing with Taylor snug in his arms. Levi had stayed up all of yesterday, juggling his job and the children, and he’d hung on until Cole had gotten home today.
Levi was adorable, precious, and Cole wanted to keep on seeing him. Wanted to keep waking up next to this man.
I think I love him. And somehow, that didn’t surprise Cole at all.
He caught Levi by the arm, turning Levi around.
“You’re hiding behind the glasses,” Cole whispered, slipping the bulky frames off Levi’s nose. “You know you’re beautiful. But it isn’t just that—I want you to remember that you aren’t just made up of the miscarriages. You’re everything else, too. You care for Jenn and Taylor. You care for everyone. And you’re so much stronger than you think you are.”
Levi stared, his hazel eyes growing wide. Cole kept his face close, so he knew he was still in focus to Levi. Levi hated not being able to see anything. It made him feel vulnerable.
“I want you to believe me,” Cole murmured. “There’s always adoption, remember? You don’t have to bear your own children. There are others out there, too.”
Levi glanced down, smoothing his hand over his belly. Then he cracked a wobbly smile. “Maybe.”
“So don’t hide behind your glasses,” Cole said. “I want you to be proud of yourself.”
Levi swallowed hard. “I’ll... I’ll think about it.”
“Good enough,” Cole whispered, kissing him on the lips. “That’s all I ask.”
Vaguely, Cole was aware that they might never get to hold their baby in their arms. But for now... there was time, and there was still hope.
13
Levi
“We’re not wearing that to the department party,” Cole said the moment he walked into the living room.
Levi looked up. And stopped breathing. “S-so you’re wearing that?” he squeaked.
Instead of a T-shirt and jeans, Cole had pulled on a crisp white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up and his top button undone, revealing his throat and collarbones, and a hint of his pecs. Dark pants, leather shoes.
Levi gawped. He wondered why Cole hadn’t worn this until now. Because his own briefs had probably dropped to the center of the Ear
th.
Cole’s smile widened. “I wanted to look my best next to my omega, you know.”
Levi turned away to hide his blush. Cole didn’t say it often, but whenever he referred to Levi as My omega, Levi’s heart tripped. Cole couldn’t possibly mean it.
But if he did, if he really wanted Levi this much and they could stay together... That would be so nice, wouldn’t it? Levi straightened the bumblebee outfits on the couch, his skin tingling when Cole stepped over.
“This is what Gran dropped off last night,” Levi mumbled, running his hands down the soft striped fabric. “Sorry I wasn’t around to talk to her.”
He’d been sleeping, and Cole had been on babysitting duty. By the time Levi had woken up, Gran had left, promising to visit again soon. She still didn’t know that Levi didn’t plan to keep his great-grandchild side of the bargain.
“I told her she might want to visit when Jenn and Taylor are back with their parents,” Cole said dryly. “That way, you aren’t sleep-deprived.”
“Thanks,” Levi said, grateful.
He tugged at the tiny children’s outfits, already imagining the family picture. The outfits were black and yellow, with blue translucent wings sprouting from their backs, and fuzzy feelers attached to headbands.
This was the third time Gran had given them outfits. The first time, it had been dog costumes. The second, it had been cutesy sailor costumes, and Levi had watched Cole pull his on gamely.
“I was thinking we could grab a picture for Gran before we head out to the party,” Levi said.
“I just got dressed,” Cole said wryly.
“You can get undressed quickly.” Levi bit down a smile. “I’ve seen you.”
“Yeah, well. There isn’t an equally-naked omega waiting for me when I do.” Cole laughed.
“I could get naked.” Levi glanced at Jenn flying her cardboard airplanes on the other side of the room. “Well, not fully naked. Maybe half.”
Cole thought on it. “Deal.”
They got the children dressed first. Taylor allowed Cole to get his bumblebee outfit on, but Jenn resisted.
The Pretense: A Men of Meadowfall book Page 11
