by Ash, Nikki
Mathias responds immediately, suggesting we meet at Dexter’s. Not exactly my first choice, but it’s a huge hangout and Bella might want to meet up with some of her friends while we’re there. I let him know what time we’ll meet him.
Not having heard back from Liz, I text the same message again. This time she responds right away with a video. I click on it and it’s a close up of Micaela rocking back and forth on her knees. She wants to crawl, but hasn’t done it yet. She’s smiling wide, staring at someone, and when the person goes closer and tickles her, she lets out a loud laugh as she moves her knees forward, crawling a few inches before she plops down. Holy shit! My daughter belly laughed and crawled. The laugh rings out though the room and it wakes Bella. The video ends with Nathan giving Micaela a kiss on her cheek, laughing with her.
“Marco?” Bella rubs her eyes and stretches. “Is Micaela here?” She squints, confused.
“Babe, you have to see this. Your brother made Micaela laugh—”
Bella, still half asleep, cuts me off before I can finish. “Marco, she laughs all the time.”
“No, like a big laugh, and she crawled. Watch.” I hit play on my phone and hold it up so she can see it. The video plays through with Micaela laughing hard again, then her little legs scurrying forward.
“Oh my God! We missed her really laugh! And she crawled!” She jumps out of bed and starts running around the room like a crazy person.
“Belles, what are you doing?”
“I’m packing. We’re going home. I missed her laugh! I missed her crawl! What else am I going to miss while we’re gone? Her talking? Walking?”
Even though I know she isn’t serious, I know she’s serious, so I hold back my laughter. “Belles, we aren’t leaving.” I get up and stop her from shoving everything within her reach back into our suitcases.
“Babe, stop.” Caging her between my arms and the dresser, I give her a kiss. “We’re staying and enjoying ourselves. You want to video chat? Fine. But then we’re going to get breakfast, to visit Logan, and spend some time at the beach because I saw those sexy bikinis you packed, and then we’re meeting my cousin for dinner at Dexter’s.”
I can feel it when Bella relaxes into my arms. “Okay, but if she does any more cute stuff, I’m getting on the next flight back home.”
“Deal.”
“I slept so good last night.” She smiles and gives me a kiss. I almost bitch jokingly about her stealing the covers but don’t.
“I did, too.”
“So, I didn’t steal the covers?” Huh?
“Umm. No. Why would you ask that?” If she says she slept with another guy I might be arrested for murdering the motherfucker she slept with.
“I knew he was lying!” Her face contorts into the cutest angry face. “Ow. Marco!”
I look down and see my fingers are digging into her sides and immediately let go. “Sorry, I need to go for a run.” I start throwing on my shorts and running shoes to go run off some steam. Without saying another word, I pull open the slider door, almost taking it off the track, and slam it closed.
Without even warming up, I put my earbuds in, turn my playlist to loud, and take off for a run. The whole thing is stupid. Bella and I slept together three years ago. She’s a beautiful woman. Of course she’s had sex with other guys since we were together. There was a good two years before we hooked back up which landed her pregnant. I know logically I can’t be mad. I spent most of my teen years as well as my twenties majoring in fighting and minoring in fucking. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of women I’ve been with.
I’m almost twenty-seven years old. While I haven’t dated anyone serious, I’ve been on my fair share of dates, had plenty of one-night stands. I wish I could say I fell in love with Bella as a kid and waited around for years to be with her—it would definitely make me more likeable. But the truth is, while I have always loved Bella, I never imagined actually being with her. Between our age difference and our families being close, and then add the fact that I had no intention of settling down or getting married let alone procreating, we were on two different paths and I never thought they would collide.
I knew having sex with her at the cabin was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. I was selfish. I wanted her. I had to have her. But I never deserved her. I still don’t deserve her.
Bella deserves the fucking world. She should have ended up with a guy with a perfect head on his shoulders. The guy who would graduate from college and provide a stable and loving home for her. He would be sweet and tender and patient. He would come from a good upbringing and bring as much to the table as she does. I know it makes sense she’s probably had sex with other guys, guys a hell of a lot worthier than me, but fuck if it doesn’t kill me inside. Because her having been with other guys is because I chose to be stupid and ignore the pull between us.
I run harder and faster, my lungs struggling for air, my heart pounding to its max, as I picture everything she’s not getting, and it’s all because she fell in love with a fuck up. She got knocked up while I was high, was forced to put fighting on hold, had to drop out of college and move home so her family could help her. Fuck! She deserves so much more than a guy whose longest relationship was with the woman who supplied his heroin and coke to him.
I reach the bridge and feel my legs give out. I give in and collapse onto the hard sand, focusing on my breathing, trying to steady it out. Trying to catch my breath, with my knees up, my head falls as I take in huge gulps of air, trying to fill my lungs.
“Hey!” My head shoots up at the sound of Bella’s voice. She’s out of breath standing above me. Her hands go to her knees as she bends over panting for a minute before she sits next to me.
“What the hell was that for?” I can feel her glare on me, but I stare out at the ocean instead of looking at her.
“You do hog the blankets.”
“What? You ran away because you lied about me hogging the blankets?”
“No.” I snort. “I ran because I pictured you hogging the blankets with another guy.”
This time it’s her turn to snort. “Are you jealous?”
“Fuck yeah, I am,” I say, owning that shit.
“Should I be jealous of all the women you’ve slept with?”
“I didn’t say it was justified. I just said I was.”
This earns me a laugh.
“It was Tristan.”
I jerk my head to face her in shock, almost giving myself whiplash. “You and Tristan…” I can’t even bring myself to finish the question.
“What? No! I mean, we slept together but only together in the same bed. We didn’t have sex. You’re the only person I’ve had sex with.”
“Great.”
“Now you’re upset I haven’t slept with anyone else?” she says, incredulously.
“Yes. No. Fuck. No, I don’t want you to have sex with anyone else, but I’m already barely worthy of you. Now, add that you waited for me while I whored myself all over town. Why the fuck are you even with me?”
I scrub my hands over my face in frustration.
“Marco Michaels, what the hell are you talking about?” Bella demands.
“You. Me. The fact that I was a male-whore while you were only with me. I don’t fucking deserve you. You deserve better.”
“Seriously? Just because I chose not to have sex while you chose to doesn’t mean shit. Are you still having sex with other women?”
I look at her like she’s fucking crazy because she must be to think I would ever choose another woman over her now that I have her. “Of course not, but you belong with a guy who has shit going for him.”
“You have had a damn good career as a fighter and you will be running my family’s gym soon and training fighters.”
“You should be with a guy who has a college degree and a good upbringing,” I argue.
“So, you’re saying Hayley and Caleb are trash? That’s not nice.” I hear the humor in her voice.
“You know what I
mean.”
“You need to stop, Marco. Everybody deserves to be loved. I don’t care where you came from, who gave birth to you, who you slept with, or what mistakes you’ve made. I love you for you.”
“Maybe that’s because I’m all you know. You haven’t experienced anyone else. You don’t know if some other guy will make you happy or satisfy you.”
“Did you really just go from being jealous of me possibly screwing some other guy to trying to convince me to screw some other guy?”
“Well when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”
“Marco, there are no guarantees in life. You could wake up tomorrow and decide I’m not the one for you. The professor in a psychology course I took said seventy percent of marriages end in divorce. I would say the odds are against most people. So what if I didn’t sleep with other people, and who gives a shit that you did. And fuck anyone who chooses to judge either of us.”
And this right here, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will spend the rest of my life making sure this woman knows how wanted and loved and needed she is. This is why I took her for granted. This is why she was my best friend for half my life. Because she loves unconditionally and without judgement. She is an amazing person who brings out the best in everyone around her.
“Now, you’re going to have to carry my ass back because holy shit! I just about died trying to catch up to you.”
“Your ass is about to be in your first UFC fight. You better be in better shape than that.” I give her a wink and she glares.
“Fine, I’ll race you back.”
She jumps up and takes off, and of course I run after her, because let’s face it, I would follow this woman anywhere, and I fully plan to for the rest of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Bella
After Marco beat me back to the hotel, we took a shower together where he insisted he needed to dirty me up some more before getting me clean. Once I was clean—a second time—we left for breakfast, which was more like brunch. I took him to one of my favorite diners my friends from college and I used to frequent. When I posted a picture of Marco and me on social media, Stephanie immediately recognized the place and commented that we better be getting together while I’m in San Diego. When I mentioned this to Marco, he said we should make it a group thing at Dexter’s since Mathias will be there as well.
At first, I was a little reluctant about going to Dexter’s. It’s a popular bar and pool hall and it’s the last place Marco ran into Tristan. Marco told me not to worry about stuff out of my control, so I said okay and invited Stephanie, Lauren, Kristen, and Michelle to join us. Kristen and Michelle have dates but said they would try to meet up later. Stephanie and Lauren said they will be meeting us. I’m excited for them to meet Marco.
We pull up to the hospital in our rental car and Marco turns the car off but doesn’t get out. After a minute he says, “Logan was a good-looking guy.”
“Okay?” I’m not sure where this is going.
“That came out wrong.” I see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows thickly. “From being in a coma, Logan doesn’t look the same. He’s thinner, paler. His body has softened and lost his muscle.”
“Marco, I don’t care what Logan looks like.”
“I know, but I just wanted to warn you. Every time I see him he looks worse, but I try to picture him pre-coma. You won’t have a visual to pretend with.”
“I know what Logan looks… looked like. He was… is a UFC fighter. I saw him fight on several occasions. I saw him fight the night—”
“Of the accident,” Marco finishes. “That’s right. Okay.” He opens the door and gets out. When I come around the car, he grabs my hand, and his fingers weave through mine tightly. We check-in with the front desk, get our visitor passes, and head to the elevator, Marco’s hand never letting go of mine.
When we get to Logan’s room, Marco walks in first. The room smells of antiseptics and the only noise is the constant beeping of the monitor.
“Hey man, I have someone I want you to meet.” Marco pulls two chairs over and places them next to each other, his hand still not leaving mine, and motions for me to sit in one of the chairs. He goes on to talk to Logan like he would anyone else. He tells him all about me, Micaela, the upcoming fight. Logan, of course, doesn’t respond, but the way Marco talks to his best friend you wouldn’t even know the guy was in a coma. I just sit and listen and continue to hold Marco’s hand.
When he’s done, he grabs Logan’s hand with his free one and brings his head down to it like he needs to touch his friend in some way to make it feel like he’s here in a bigger way than he really is.
After he’s done talking to Logan, he speaks to the nurse who comes in to check on Logan. He asks how he’s doing and if there has been any change in his condition. She tells him he’s stable and there’s hasn’t been any changes. We both say goodbye and leave—my heart feeling a lot heavier than before we walked through those doors—heading back to the hotel in silence. There’s so much I want to say but hold back, letting Marco work through his feelings. I can’t even imagine one of my best friends being in a coma let alone knowing it will most likely end in death and just waiting for it to happen but praying it doesn’t.
Once we get back, Marco’s mood shifts to playful when he insists on picking out my bikini. It shouldn’t surprise me when he picks the all black bikini with the cheeky bottoms. We spend the rest of the day bouncing back and forth between the pool and beach. Since I’m pumping and dumping this weekend, I enjoy being twenty-one and legally order a few fruity drinks. Marco sticks to water.
When we’ve had enough of the sun, we head back to our room to take a short nap before getting ready to go out for the night. Cuddling with Marco has officially become my new favorite pastime. You would think with all those muscles, he would make for a horrible pillow, but it’s like my body fits perfectly against his, and when my head goes into the crook of his shoulder, I fall asleep like I’ve been drugged. We’re going to be sharing a bed from now on, that’s for sure.
After our power nap, we get ready to go, then head over to Dexter’s.
Before we walk through the doors, Marco stops me, pulling me to the side. “Babe, you realize with that tight dress you’re wearing, I’m going to be all over you all damn night, and there’s no way in hell you will be leaving my side.”
I roll my eyes. Yes, it’s true. I am wearing a dress. It’s one of the few I own, and even though it’s tight and is a dress, because it’s a comfortable cotton T-shirt material shaped like a long tight jersey, it doesn’t feel like a dress. If you’re looking at me from the waist up, it looks like a short sleeve olive green button-down shirt, but as you go lower the shirt continues a few inches above my knees. It’s not short in length, but it has wide slits that run high up—which is why it’s called a jersey dress— and reveals a hell of a lot of leg.
Because I’m not a dress and heels kind of girl, I’m wearing my favorite taupe-colored Chucks, making my outfit more casual than club.
We walk inside and Marco says Mathias is already here.
“Cuz!” A good looking Hispanic guy comes walking over to Marco and gives him a one-armed hug. While Marco is more of a bad-boy sexy with his tats, ripped jeans, and plain black T-shirt, Mathias is more pretty-boy sexy. He’s wearing a mint green button-down shirt and his jeans look like he ironed them before putting them on. His hair has gel in it while Marco keeps his shaved short. But when you see them side by side you can tell they are related. They have a similar jawline and their noses are almost identical. I would bet they both look a lot like their mothers.
“Mathias, I want you to meet Bella. Bella, my cousin, Mathias.” Mathias shakes my hand then pulls me into a hug.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he says, giving me a warm smile that reminds me so much of Marco and Chloe’s. We have a seat at the large booth and order drinks. A few minutes later, Lauren and Stephanie show up to join us and I introduce them to Marco and Mathias. We’re all
joking and laughing and Marco and I are showing everyone at the table pictures and videos of Micaela. Before I know it, I’ve probably had three mojitos and announce to everyone I need to use the restroom.
“Oh! I need to go as well,” Lauren says.
“Me, too,” Stephanie adds.
Before I can stand, Marco pulls me in for a quick kiss making me smile. This is what I wanted for so long, to be with Marco in every way. It’s finally happening, and it’s amazing.
The girls and I each enter a separate stall to go pee, gossiping through the walls. “Mathias is a hottie,” Lauren gushes.
“Yeah, he is,” Stephanie agrees.
“I’m going to ask him for his number.”
“He’s moving to San Fran,” I jump in.
“Hmm… well, I can enjoy him until then.”
We all giggle.
When we exit the stalls, we all crowd around the sinks to wash our hands. Lauren and Stephanie reapply their lipstick while I try to tame down my hair. As we’re heading out, the door swings open, causing me to stumble back. Stephanie grabs my arms to hold me in place before I hit the ground on my butt. When I see who has entered, I want to punch someone, preferably one of the two women who just entered.
“Well look who it is.” Janell gives Gina a bitchy smirk.
“Pretend like I’m not here.” I roll my eyes and attempt to pass by, but before I make it to the door, I notice Gina sporting a small bump. A bump that would indicate she’s pregnant. She gives me a knowing smirk when she sees where my eyes landed.
“Yes, I’m pregnant, and to answer the question I know you’re dying to ask. It’s Tristan’s.” There’s no way in hell Tristan would have slept with her after she threw me under the bus for keeping my baby’s paternity a secret. Sure, it worked out in the end, but what she did by taking a picture of my letter was conniving and there’s no way Tristan would have forgiven her. Right?
