I walk away from the window and Mom’s finally ready. I grab my things and head out to the car. She’s only a few steps behind me and she climbs behind the wheel. She sets her purse in her lap and starts digging through it, looking for the keys. That’s when I notice Carson’s front door open and he comes walking out with her. She says something to him and he looks at me. I can see something on his face. Sorrow, anger, something. He glances back at her and she sneaks a kiss on him. He pulls back like he’s been slapped, but the damage has been done. My lips are no longer the last to touch his. That thought alone makes me want to curl up and cry.
Carson was always a bit of a player, but I never thought he’d play me. I tell myself not to overreact. He clearly didn’t want the kiss, not like he wants my kisses anyway. Since hooking up yesterday, he hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of me. In fact, it seems he would be completely content just staying in bed with me all day, but Gillian, Big Boobs as I call her, she’s trying to throw a wrench in our plan.
Mom finally finds her keys and she starts the car up and backs out of the drive. I tear my eyes away from them on their front porch and focus on spending the day with my mom. We drive to the center of town and get out to walk around the square. It’s just as full as yesterday with everyone out to enjoy the ice rink.
“You remember when I would bring you and Carson here every year?”
I smile and nod. “Of course.”
“I remember that time you called me, crying and asking me to pick you up early. You never did tell me what happened.”
I laugh. “It’s stupid, Mom.”
“Either way, I’d like to know.”
“I had a huge crush on Carson, but he was too old for me. He was pushing eighteen and I was only turning fifteen. He was there to meet his girlfriend and I went to meet my boyfriend at the time.”
“I didn’t know you even had a boyfriend then.”
I laugh. “I know. I didn’t tell anyone. He was sixteen and Carson hated him. Anyway, I thought that I could make Carson jealous and I don’t know, get his attention or something. But we ended up fighting about it and he left with his girlfriend. Anyway, I bought us both a hot chocolate and I planned on giving it to him and telling him I was sorry and asking if he’d go on a carriage ride with me. When I went to find him, I saw him getting on the carriage with his girlfriend and it broke my heart. I threw the hot chocolate away and called you to pick me up.”
She gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey. You and Carson have been running headlong into each other for years for a reason.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know about that now,” I say, thinking back to Gillian kissing him on the porch.
“Why? Because of that girl?” she asks.
“You saw that?”
“Of course. Why do you think I took so long to find my keys? I wanted to see what was going to happen.”
I laugh. “Oh my God, Mom.”
“What?” she asks, shrugging her shoulders. “He’s a good boy. He will do the right thing. Just don’t give up on him yet.”
“You think so? Even after seeing their kiss?”
“Oh, honey. It was clear he didn’t want that kiss. Don’t hold that against him. He’s just too nice to pimp slap that ho across the face for trying something like that.”
I bust out laughing. “Oh my God, Mom. You seriously need to stop watching Comedy Central.”
She giggles. “Why, I like it and it makes me cool with the kids.”
“What kids?” I question.
“The ones that come into the store. I have a group that come in to see me every day, just to talk and listen to the wackadoodle things I’ll say.”
I shake my head. “God, shoot me now.”
“Now, forget all your troubles and let’s go get some shopping done, huh?”
Shopping is a nice distraction, but it’s not enough. Every time I let my guard down, I find myself thinking of Carson and Big Boobs. It’s killing me that she’s there and I hate that I can’t let it go. Carson isn’t mine. Sure, we’ve been hooking up, but that doesn’t mean he’s mine. In fact, I think we both agreed on one night, well, two now.
I thought being with Carson would be magical, amazing, life-changing, but I couldn’t wrap my head around how much it would change me. I thought it was only going to be one time. I thought that things couldn’t get complicated if it only happened once. But it was so good that I needed more than once. And he hasn’t been able to keep his hands to himself since. So, what made it so good?
Was it because we both wanted it so badly? Was it because we’d been waiting so long, always denying ourselves? Or is it something else? I try to think back on every other sexual experience I’ve had and none of them can even compare. Even the experiences that I thought were good at the time can’t hold a thing on Carson. What is different about Carson and every other man I’ve been with? I’ve known him longer. There is a friendship there. And I guess I love him. I’ve always loved him. He’s my best friend. But do I love love him?
Mom and I spend the day going in and out of the little shops on the square, and then she takes me out to dinner at the little Chinese restaurant on the corner. We both load our plates with General Tso’s chicken and fried rice. Then Mom insists on washing it all down by sharing a pitcher of beer.
“When did you become such a drinker?” I ask, just giving her shit as I pop a piece of chicken into my mouth.
She rolls her eyes. “You’re making me sound like I have an addiction.”
I shrug. “It was just a question.”
“It’s not all for us. I invited someone else too.”
My brows pull together. “Who’d you invite?”
“Mind if I sit down?” he asks, standing next to the table. I look and find Carson.
“Of course, dear,” Mom says.
Carson sits next to me and we look at one another. I can see in his eyes how badly he wants to explain, but not in front of my mom.
“Go on and fix you a plate,” she urges.
He lets out a little chuckle, but he stands up and shrugs out of his coat before walking over to the buffet.
“Mom, why’d you invite him?” I whisper so he won’t be able to hear me.
“Whatever happened today needs to be talked about. Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to talk in front of me, but I knew that if I didn’t invite him, you’d avoid him and think the worst.” She smiles. “Now you can’t avoid him.”
I roll my eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
She leans forward just as he’s walking over. “I am on your side, dear. Give him a chance to explain.”
“Thanks for the invite, Mrs. B,” Carson says.
Mom smiles and begins pouring him a glass of beer.
“So, how was the shopping trip?” he asks, looking between me and Mom.
“Very effective. I was able to knock out everyone on my list. How about you?” she asks, looking at me.
I nod. “Yep, I’m all done too.”
I don’t know how Carson being here has suddenly shifted my mood. I was planning on talking to him when we got home. I wasn’t expecting him to show up here. I’m not ready for the talk right now, and honestly, I’m not excited about sitting here awkwardly in front of my mother.
Mom asks Carson some questions about living in the city, his job at the investment firm, and everything else she can think of. The whole dinner is filled with their conversation and I only nod or hmm or naaa my way through it. When dinner is done, Mom insists on paying the bill and we all head toward the door together.
Outside the door, she turns and hugs me. “Carson will take you home. I’ll put your bags in your room. Have fun and be safe,” she says, rushing off before I can argue.
Carson and I stand on the sidewalk, watching her back out and drive away.
“Want to take a walk?” he asks, motioning toward the square and the winter wonderland event.
I shrug. “I guess so.”
It’s th
e first time I’ve seen the square at night in years and it still takes my breath away. There are multicolored Christmas lights in every treetop. There are white lights strung from tree to tree, highlighting the walking path around the event. There is snow piled up and decorations everywhere of little angels, the nativity, and then a kid’s section where there is Santa and the elves as they prepare for Christmas in the workshop.
We don’t talk as we cross the street and enter the event. He leads me down the sidewalk and to the hot chocolate stand. He orders two and then takes me over to the benches by the skate rink. He sets both cups down and then pulls out a bottle from his inside coat pocket, pouring a little in each.
“That should keep you warm,” he says, handing over my cup.
“Thank you,” I reply, taking it and bringing it to my lips.
“I need to explain,” he starts but for some reason, I cut him off.
“No, no, you don’t. What we’ve been doing isn’t anything serious, right? We’re just messing around. You owe me nothing, Carson.”
His brows furrow together. “We may be messing around, but you’re still my best friend and I would like to talk about this with you.”
Fuck, I forgot about the whole being best friends thing. I guess I have to hear all the gory details now. I nod him on.
“Gillian popped up today, totally unexpected.”
I snort. “Sounds just like her.”
He laughs. “Yeah, I never could get a handle on what she would do next. I thought she’d zig and she’d zag. We were never on the same page.” He takes a sip of his spiked hot chocolate. “Anyway, she says that she left me prematurely. That she thought that there was no point in being with me if I didn’t want marriage and kids with her.”
“So, now she’s changed her mind?”
“No, she still wants those things, but now she says she’s willing to wait as long as I can promise that we will get there eventually.”
“And…what did you say to that?”
“I didn’t say much of anything, actually. She said that she still loved me and would wait as long as I needed. Then she kissed me but you saw that.”
I nod as I press my lips together. “And what do you think? Do you still love her? Do you see yourself having kids with her one day?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says quietly, shaking his head. “If you would have asked me this question yesterday, I would have said hell no. But now…”
“What’s changed now?”
“She came back,” he answers. “I thought I’d never see her again so I didn’t waste any time thinking about it. I spent nearly five years of my life with her, so it seems unfair to just throw all that away.”
I swear, I feel my heart crack and I can’t figure out why. I wanted Carson and I’ve now had him. That’s all I wanted, isn’t it? I should be happy that the woman he’s spent so much time with is asking for him back. I should be happy that my friend is being offered his happily ever after, but I’m not. Why?
I look up and his icy-blue eyes meet mine. I see years of friendship, troubles, good times, and love. But not the way I loved him when we were kids. This is a different type of love. How did that happen? Am I in love with Carson?
“Anyway, I told her that now isn’t the time to try making important decisions. The holidays are crazy enough without adding important life events into the mix. So I told her I’d talk to her when I got back home after New Year’s.”
“So…right now, you’re still single?” I ask, looking up at him from beneath my lashes.
He cracks a smile and nods. “Yeah, I’m still single.”
My smile breaks free. Even if I can’t have him forever, I can have him for now. That’s better than nothing…I think. When I smile, he smiles, and then the next thing I know, he’s pulling me in for a kiss. He sets his cup down and his hands move up to cup my cheeks, holding me to him. His tongue presses against my lips and I open for him. He enters and our tongues dance together in a perfect rhythm. I reach up, fisting his shirt in my hand, pulling him closer and never wanting him to leave.
He pulls back and whispers against my lips, “Want to get out of here and make that car fantasy a dream come true?”
I giggle and nod. “Yes, yes, I do.”
He stands up and pulls me to his side. I wrap my arm around his, and he leads me back to the car. Inside, he pulls out into traffic quickly. I have no idea where he’s going, but he turns down a secluded backroad that’s pitch-black in the middle of the country. He turns onto a dirt road that seems more like a farming road than anything else, and he puts the car in park but doesn’t kill the engine.
“We’re going to need some heat out there,” he says, swinging open his door.
I climb out and meet him around the front in the darkness. I look up at him and he looks down at me. In the same instant, we grab one another and start kissing. This kiss isn’t like the one we just shared by the ice rink though. This kiss is like all our other kisses, brought together out of need and desperation. He pulls me against him and his hands find my ass. He picks me up and my legs wrap around his hips. He sets me on the hood of the car and the warmth from the engine rises up, warming me.
As he leans over the hood, kissing me, his hands are traveling my body, pushing and pulling clothes away. He unfastens my jeans and pulls me up against him to push them over my hips. Then suddenly, he’s spinning me around and bending me over, entering me from behind. He slams into me hard and makes me call out. His hands on my hips tighten as he pulls me back into his thrusts. I can hear his heavy breathing mixed with animalistic growls every time he shoves into me, and that sound alone could make me come.
My release starts to build and my muscles are tightening around him. He rocks against me, rubbing that perfect spot every time he pounds into me. My release rises and breaks free, leaving me in gasps, moans, and whimpers. My sounds only make him work harder, which pushes him over the edge with me. Within moments, we’re both completely spent, our bodies numb and weak as he rests his head against my back to catch his breath and settle his heart. When we’ve both come down from our high, he pulls out of me and pulls me back up. He pulls my panties and jeans up my hips and fastens them before fixing his own. Our eyes meet in the darkness and something is exchanged. Trust, friendship, love? I don’t know, but the way he’s looking at me now is a look I never saw from him before. It cuts deep into my heart, making it come alive and race with the unknown.
He cracks a smile. “Well, was it all you hoped it would be?”
I smile. “It was better,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Because it was real.” I press my lips to his and he kisses me, hot, long, and hard.
Ten
Carson
I thought that if I explained Gillian’s visit, Felicity would freak out. I thought she’d fight for me. I never thought she’d just accept it and move on. The fact that she didn’t argue, that makes me wonder. This thing we’re doing, is it just fun to her? I know what we agreed upon, but I also thought it stemmed from a love she has for me deep inside. I love her and have loved her for many years. I’ve wanted her. I was just too afraid of ruining our friendship over it. I thought she wanted me in the same way, but her response about Gillian wasn’t what I expected. Maybe she really did only want a night of fun with me. A night that has turned into two, and I plan on making it turn into three, then four, then five if she allows it.
But her lack of response doesn’t help me out any. I was expecting an ultimatum. I expected her to say, it’s her or me. I would have chosen her immediately and wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But the fact that she didn’t say that makes me wonder if she wants to be with me at all. Is there anything worth fighting for here?
Once we get back into the car and make our way into town, I’m so turned around by these thoughts that I feel the need to take the edge off. “Want to stop and grab a drink?” I ask, glancing at her in the darkness.
“Sure,” she agrees, a smile playing on her lip
s.
I pull in at a local bar and we both climb out, heading inside. I head up to the bar and order two beers and two shots of tequila. The bartender rushes off to get the order and I turn around to take in the bar while I wait. The place is pretty crowded which surprises me since it’s so close to Christmas, but maybe everyone here is trying to escape their family as much as I am. I see some familiar faces that I haven’t seen in several years and some I don’t recognize. Then I find Felicity sitting at a table in the darkened corner. There’s some guy standing next to her with a beer in his hand, a smile on his face.
“Here you go,” the bartender says, handing over our drinks. I manage to take all four things over to the table and when Felicity sees me approaching, she smiles and her eyes light up. That’s what I like to see.
“Carson, this is Chad. You remember him, don’t you?” she asks.
I look at the man standing next to our table and examine his face. Suddenly, it’s not his face I’m seeing. It’s the face that I remember from years ago, but much older now. He’s the guy she brought to the skate rink that night.
I nod. “Of course, how you doing, man?”
He smiles and nods. “Pretty good. I didn’t know the two of you were back in town. You here to stay or just visiting?” he asks, looking at me.
“Oh, I live in Chicago. Just down for the holidays.”
He nods and swings his stare over to Felicity. “And you?”
“Oh, well, I just graduated early. So I’m working on finding a job, and then I’ll go wherever.”
“So, you’ll be hanging around a while then?”
She nods. “Yeah, probably.”
This makes him smile but he covers it with his beer as he takes a drink.
I pass Felicity over her shot and beer and I pick up mine, holding it in the air. “To a magical Christmas,” I say.
She smiles and clanks her shot glass off mine before we throw them back. She quickly chases hers down with a drink of beer and I look up at Chad, wondering why he’s still hovering.
Naughty or Nice: A Friends to Lovers Christmas Romance Page 8
