How could she miss him already when he was right beside her?
Her heart broke a little more at the reminder of what she faced in one measly day. How could she possibly fit everything she wanted with him into a little over twenty-four hours? She couldn’t. She couldn’t even if they had twenty-four years.
She hadn’t tired of his presence in all the years they’d been friends. She was certain she wouldn’t given any amount of time in the future. And now that she knew their chemistry rivaled a science lab, she had no doubt they’d be explosive together in the best possible way.
But they weren’t meant to be.
Mac’s daddy had never served in the armed forces, but Hudson’s had. And for as much time as she and Hud had spent together, Mr. Miller had been like a second father to Mac. She’d been heartbroken right along with Hudson and his family when they’d gotten the news of Jack’s death.
She was going to spend the next four-plus years worrying herself sick over Hud—there was no way around it. She knew exactly what could happen to those who served their country. Exactly the devastation wrought if the worst imaginable outcome came to be.
And Hudson? Well, she knew him well enough to realize he’d be splitting his attention between what it needed to be focused solely on—his safety and well-being—and what he had waiting for him in Havenbrook.
He’d be preoccupied already with his momma and sister. But adding her to the mix? Adding a new relationship to the mix? He’d be distracted so much, his life—or the lives of those serving with him—might actually suffer because of it.
A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye as she bit her lip to quiet the sob that wanted to break free. She couldn’t be the reason he was distracted. She wouldn’t be the reason his safety was compromised simply because she was being selfish.
Attempting to maintain a new relationship was difficult enough, but add in long distance and daily threats to his safety…to his life? It was too much.
The realization of what she had to do cracked her heart in two, split her right down the middle. Especially when she’d had a taste of exactly what she’d be giving up.
There was no stopping the flow of tears now as they dripped onto Hudson’s bare chest. She curled into him, knowing it would be the one and only time they’d sleep together like this. Because she had to do what was best for him, what would keep him safe and have him coming back to her.
Even if it meant breaking her own heart.
A RUMBLE of thunder shook the windows of the cabin, pulling Hudson from sleep. Memories of the past few hours flickered through his mind, and a smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Sweet merciful fuck, he’d actually gotten everything he’d ever wanted, and it had been better than he’d even dreamed.
True, he wouldn’t be home for several years for them to actually enjoy each other, but they’d make it work. It’d be difficult—he had no doubt of that—but if anyone could make it, it was them. He had no idea what would come after she graduated—where he’d be…where they’d be—but they’d figure it out. Together. Just like they’d done everything.
He stretched, eyes still closed, and reached over, intent on pulling Kenna’s naked form atop him and continuing what they’d only barely started last night. He’d love to hear her breathy moans in his ear while rain battered the windows and lightning brightened the sky. When all he found next to him was bare, cool sheets, he cracked open an eye. The sporadic bursts of lightning streaking through the windows were enough for him to see Kenna sitting at the edge of the bed. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, one of his shirts stretched over them and cocooning her inside.
He glanced at the clock, noting it was a little after four in the morning. What the hell was she doing awake? Reaching for her, he wrapped his hand around her ankle and tried to tug her to him. “What’re you doin’ up? C’mere.”
She didn’t answer for long moments, and when she did, it wasn’t with words. Her soft sniffle, like she’d tried to stop it from happening, might as well have been a gunshot in the room.
He snapped upright and scooted closer to her, brushing the hair back from her face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Worry prickled along his spine, fear that he’d pushed her too hard, too fast, but the thought left as quickly as it came. She’d enjoyed herself and what they’d done, had even ridden him and taken what she’d wanted the second time.
Lightning streaked through the sky, illuminating the interior of the cabin and Kenna’s face. It was stricken, tears shining in her eyes, and the sight almost split his heart in two.
“Hey. What is it?” he asked, tugging her to him. He didn’t stop until she was in his lap, her cheek resting against his chest, his chin settled on top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her like he’d done a hundred times before, but it felt different this time. Weighted. Wonderful, despite her sadness.
Instead of answering, she shook her head against him, the wetness of her tears on his skin making his gut clench.
“Kenna. Please. Talk to me.”
“I don’t think we should do this,” she whispered, the words barely audible over the boom of thunder that shook the cabin.
“Do what?”
She pressed her hand against his chest and pushed away, far enough so their eyes could meet. Gesturing between them, she said, “This. Be together.”
A knife to the heart would’ve been less painful.
He jerked his head back, shock reverberating through him. A million questions ran through his mind, but the only one he could utter was, “Why?”
“I want it, Hud. I want you.”
“Then what’s the fucking problem?”
“Circumstances.”
“Circumstances?” He coughed out an incredulous bark of laughter. “What the fuck do circumstances have to do with anything?”
“I know you.” She covered his mouth with her fingers when he opened it to reply. “Shut up and let me say this.”
He clenched his teeth, his jaw tightening as he forced himself to be quiet and listen to what she had to say, when all he wanted to do was kiss her to shut her up, to stop the words from coming out of her mouth.
“I know you,” she said again, “and I know how you’ll be. You’re gonna try to make sure everything is okay for us back here—for your momma and your sister.”
“Of course I will,” he said through her fingers.
“And there’s nothing I can do about that. It’s already gonna divide your attention from where it should be—on your safety.”
He gripped her wrist and pulled her hand away from his mouth. “I don’t get what any of that has to do with this. With us.”
“I can’t stop you from bein’ you.” She reached up and cupped his cheeks, running her thumbs over them. “I wouldn’t want to. But I can stop you from spreading yourself even thinner. From splitting your focus even more.”
“My focus will be fine.”
She cocked her head to the side. “If you have your momma and sister to worry about, while also trying to maintain a relationship with me when you’re in the middle of God knows where, how much attention will you have left to focus on you? On your safety?”
“Enough,” he said sharply, his tone harsh in the otherwise quiet room.
“It won’t be, and you know it.”
“You think I wouldn’t be tryin’ to maintain our friendship while I’m there? A relationship is no different.”
“It is, and you know it. Our friendship doesn’t need to be maintained. It just is. And it always will be. I need you to go over there, firm in that certainty. This is different. It’s new and unknown, and I don’t wanna pile that on your plate.”
“We’re great together, Kenna.” He shifted her so she was straddling him. “You know we are.”
“I’m not sayin’ we aren’t great together.” She gasped when he found her bare ass under his shirt, biting her lip as he tugged her forward until his cock pressed against her. “I’m sayin’ I don’t want to be t
he reason something happens to you. Because you were distracted.”
“You’re gonna be a distraction one way or another.”
She shook her head, even as her lips parted. He’d worked his shirt up and off her, pulling her close enough so her hard nipples rasped against his chest. “Not like that. I can’t. I ca—” She cut off on a moan when he sucked a nipple into his mouth, causing her to arch against him. “Hudson. This doesn’t—”
But he slanted his mouth over hers, cutting off whatever she was going to say. He hadn’t dreamed up how good it’d been between them. How hot, how explosive. They were more than great together. They were fucking perfect. And he was going to spend however long he needed to reminding her of that, showing her exactly what he needed her to see.
Because he’d be damned if he lost her before he’d ever really had her.
Hudson didn’t let Mac speak…hadn’t let her speak. No matter how many times she’d opened her mouth to tell him this didn’t change anything, he’d steal her breath away. With his fingers, his mouth, his cock.
He’d gone from frantic and wild to soft, slow, and sweet. Purposeful. Now, she sat astride him, her ass nestled in the cradle of his legs while hers wrapped around his waist. As he stared into her eyes, not letting her hide though she desperately wanted to, he pulled her down onto his length.
Unable to restrain it, she let out a soft moan as he filled her up inch by inch, making her so full, it bordered on painful. But before she could even seat herself completely, he was already rocking her against him, cupping her bottom in his palms as he focused on bringing out as much pleasure from her body as he could.
It was as if he were trying to fit a year’s worth of sexual experiences between them into one last night.
Or maybe that was just her.
“Kenna,” he breathed, his fingers digging into her flesh. He dropped his mouth to her neck, kissing a line up the length of it before swiping his tongue over her bottom lip.
She opened for him, letting his tongue slide against hers. Tightening her arms around his shoulders, she ran her palms along the tight length of his back, loving the feel of him beneath her. His muscles bunched under her roaming hands, his exhalation coming out in a groan when she scored her nails along his skin.
“Fuck. You’re killin’ me.”
Despite how heavy her heart felt, her lips curved in a smile. For as much as she’d known about Hudson—more than any other soul on earth—she hadn’t known this. How to make him moan and gasp and swear up a storm. She hadn’t known what would make him twitch while inside her, make him break away from her just to squeeze his eyes shut, his neck going taut as he tried to stave off his inevitable pleasure. Just so he could spend a few more minutes inside her.
It felt like a tiny taste of the most delectable dessert right before it got snatched away.
This was only going to make it hurt worse in the end. She knew that. Knew this only prolonged exactly what had to happen. Only tied her mind…her body and soul…to him more than she already was. But she couldn’t say no.
After all, she only had so much willpower, and it was going to take every ounce she had to stand firm in her decision that they couldn’t take this any further than the cabin. That what they had would end here before she went off to school and he went to basic training.
She knew as well as she knew her own name that Hudson thought this would change everything. That he could make her change her mind simply through the power of his body and what it could do to hers. And though there was no denying it was powerful and had the capability to make her lose her damn mind, she couldn’t bend on this. Not when something so important was at stake.
And there wasn’t anything more important to her than Hudson’s safety.
She felt the telltale burn in her eyes, signaling the impending tears, at the same moment Hudson pressed his thumb to her clit. With her head tipped back, she breathed out a half sob disguised as a moan, clutching him closer to her when he tried to pull away.
But Hudson was never one to give up easily.
With one hand still working between them, his thumb rubbing lazy but insistent circles around her, he cupped her head with his other hand and tilted her face down to his.
“Kenna…” he breathed. He kissed away the single tear that’d slipped out of her eye. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure out a way.” With his eyes focused on hers, he held her prisoner in his gaze as he brushed his thumb along her cheek. “I’m not gonna lose you.”
“You won’t,” she promised. She could agree on that much, though she knew he meant something completely different than she did.
He didn’t nod. Didn’t tell her he knew, that he believed her. Instead, he put all his focus into wringing every ounce of pleasure from her body. He sped up his hand between them, his other cupping her ass so tightly as he lifted and dropped her along his length at a pace designed to make them both fall into bliss.
The waves crashed through her in a slow, rolling pace, her orgasm washing over her only moments before Hudson clutched her to him. He buried his face in her neck and groaned her name as he emptied his release inside her.
They sat like that for long moments before he lifted her off him, tossed the condom into a nearby wastebasket, then flopped back on the bed and pulled her to his chest. Neither of them said anything as he trailed his fingers up and down the length of her spine and she traced mindless patterns onto his chest and abdomen.
Eventually, Mac fell asleep like that, listening to the lullaby of Hudson’s heartbeat under her ear and attempting to ignore the pain that awaited her when the sun came up.
WHEN HUDSON WOKE AGAIN, Kenna wasn’t in his bedroom. He stiffened for a moment, terrified she’d left without a word, until the smell of pancakes wafted through his closed door. He threw off the covers and tugged up a pair of boxer briefs before slipping out of his room and into the kitchen.
Over the years, she’d cooked him breakfast dozens of times, either at her house or his. Because of that, the sight of her doing so shouldn’t have been mesmerizing. But in all the times she’d made him something to eat, she’d never done it wearing his shirt and little else. Nor had she done it while he could remember, in great detail, exactly what she felt like wrapped around his cock.
She must not have heard him come up behind her, because she hadn’t turned around to offer him a greeting. Instead, she stood in front of the griddle, her hair pulled up into a messy thing on top of her head. She balanced on one foot, the other resting against the opposite leg as she flipped pancakes like a professional. Despite his shirt coming down to mid-thigh, and despite the fact that she, no doubt, had panties on beneath it, he’d never seen her in anything sexier.
Unable to help himself, he walked up behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist, laughing against her neck when she yelped.
She jabbed an elbow behind her and into his stomach. “You ass. I could’ve burned myself.”
“But you didn’t,” he murmured, letting his lips rest against her skin as he spoke.
“You’re still an ass,” she said even as a shudder ran through her.
He couldn’t restrain his smile, knowing that her body responded to him even when she was cranky. He also couldn’t stop his hands from slipping under the material of his T-shirt and sliding them up along her stomach until he cupped her breasts, her nipples hard points against his palms.
“An ass who turns you on, apparently.” He didn’t even attempt to keep the smile out of his voice.
That time, she smacked the spatula down hard on his thigh, the sting causing him to bark out a laughing groan. “Ow, I think that still had grease on it.”
She lifted the spatula over her shoulder. “You want another?”
He dropped his hands from beneath her shirt and held them up in surrender before she could land another blow. “I was sorta hopin’ a few orgasms would make you less of a grouch in the mornin’. My mistake.”
She cocked an eyebrow, shooting him a
look that said he should keep talking and come a little closer while he was at it. Like, within striking range. Instead, he grinned, grabbed one of the silver dollar pancakes cooling on a plate, and shoved the whole thing into his mouth as Kenna continued working. Without even looking up from the griddle, she swatted his hand when he reached for another, then went right back to flipping the pancakes that were ready.
Now this…this was familiar. And he couldn’t help but smile because of it. They were going to be fine.
“Make yourself useful and get the table set, will you?” Even though she posed it as a question, he knew it wasn’t really one, so he didn’t waste time and did as she asked.
Once the pancakes were done and their plates were both piled high, they sat at the table and dug in. Kenna had one knee pulled up to her chest, the other tucked beneath her, and the sight did nothing but make Hudson hard. She’d slipped his shirt over her knee, making it so he couldn’t actually see anything, but he could imagine. And the best part? He didn’t have to just imagine anymore. He could go by memory now. The look of her. The feel of her. The goddamn taste of her.
“Hurry up,” he said around a mouthful of pancakes, his eyes continually straying to her legs.
She looked up at him with an eyebrow raised as she took a slow sip of her orange juice. “Something goin’ on today I don’t know about?”
“Nothing other than me spendin’ all day inside you, but I’d like to get to it as soon as fucking possible, so hurry up.”
Her eyes twinkled as she breathed out a laugh, and his shoulders relaxed. He hadn’t realized it, but it’d been too long since she’d laughed… All thanks to his announcement. He also hadn’t realized just how tense he’d been until he’d heard the husky sound. Kenna could hold a grudge like no one else, and though she’d shared her body with him last night—multiple times—he couldn’t deny how worried he’d been that she was still mad.
“I’ll even let you pick the next spot.” He shot her a sly grin. “Wanna head out in the boat and finish what we started yesterday?”
Pact with a Heartbreaker: A Best Friends to Lovers Summer Romance (Havenbrook Book 3) Page 8
